/nofap/ - Fappers Anonymous

>day 52

I had such a hard time sleeping last night, I went to bed at 11 PM and was awake until 1 AM, just laying there. Since I couldn't sleep I did something I should never had done, I read some erotic stories. I layed in bed for maybe 45 minutes just reading on my phone before I shut it off and went to sleep. It's so easy to give in when you feel so tired and horrible, you just want that fap to make you feel better, even if its just for a little while, but I didn't fap.

At around 5 AM I woke up to myself ejaculating, I had another wet dream but luckly I have started sleeping on a towel incase something like this should happen. I cleaned up and went straight back to bed.

I don't know if this count as losing my streak, I didn't fap but I did arouse myself by reading porn

I feel disgusted but I wont let it get to me

I woke up at 9 ate porridge and a had a cup of coffee before I walked for about 15 minutes to get the mail. I got back and I went outside again, making a campfire and sat there for maybe 20 minutes before I went back in.

I'm now at my computer, I don't know what I want to do today

>day 58?

Things have been alright, so alright I've stopped writing here for some days.

I've been outside a lot, the weather has been nice and I can't wait for spring so I can plant all my seeds and flowers outside. God I fucking love spring. I miss nature, ever since I've moved here I have. I still live in the rurals but the flatland is really different from where I used to live. Being able to just go outside and instantly be surrounded by mountains and forests is something I really do miss. Here the is only fields upon fields as far as the eye can see. I'm hoping I can at least manage to plant some flowers and trees around my own lot, bring in some nature to brighten this place up a bit.

I feel alright overall, I've had some horrible nights of sleep so getting up out of bed takes a minute or two but when I'm up and away I feel fantastic.

I'm still waiting for a response from the lady at the employment office, she was suppose to contact me the same day which was wednesday but I've heard nothing, if she doesn't contact me by tomorrow noon I'll call her myself. When I get back into work I'm going into the gym, the work hours and the way I travel will be perfect, I'll have no excuse not to go and I'm honestly looking forward to it. I was thinking about joining a local shooting club but turns out they practice while I'm at work so it wont fit my schedule. I got some trouble with one of my teeth, turns out I might need a root canal which will set me back $60 but hopefully it will put an end to this toothache I've had for years.

I had a slip up yesterday and looked at porn for about 30-60 econds before snapping back into reality. It's weird how that works, I see a picture of some chick or a woman I find hot and suddenly I get this almsot uncontrolable urge to look up porn or nudes of certain women.

other than that I feel good, I feel less anxious and calm especially in social situations

I don't see anything wrong comming from this.

>>15219

Thank you. It wont fix my problems but I feel like it will certainly help my on my path to fix them.

Good luck to you aswell

I've felt fucking great today and still kinda do

I woke up by myself at around 8, got 8 hours of sleep but still felt like shit but once I get out of bed it's alright. I've been waking up by myself lately, earlier than I use to. I also have a boner every morning which is something I didn't have as much before, my dick also feels more sensetive.

I still think about sex but not as often, I also think and fantasize about actual normal sex instead of degenerate shit. I feel like I want to have sex with a woman now instead of watch porn or fap.

I had a cold shower this morning, I'm not yet in the "ice cold" shower area yet but I'll get there. I start showering in lukewarm water, I do all my cleaning then to get it out of the way. Then I turn down the temperature and stand there for maybe half a minute before I turn it down lower and so on until I start shivering, then I stand for a while before I get out.

I changed the air filter on my car, cleaned a bit on my property and drove some trash to the recycling center. There I met a guy I had worked for previously and I actually had a conversation, like a normal conversation with someone and I was the one doing most of the talking, it felt so unusual.

I hope it stay this way in the future

>>15196

Are you still going anon?

>>15298

Things have been alright, not as good as last time I was here but nothing to complain about really, I'm kind of just waiting for things to take effect. Only thing I can complain about is the weather, it's constantly changing between snow, rain, hail and wind. This weekend there was constant storm, felt like my house was going to lift of the ground but nothing got damaged or anything, last time it was this bad one of my trees fell over but they all survived this storm.

I want spring to come around already, even though I get tired of the heat and sun really quickly I kinda long for it. This time between winter and spring is the worst because of the weather, I'm so tired of being inside all the time and I just want to go without having to wear rain clothes and rubber boots.

I want to go fishing, swimming or hiking, maybe my cousins and some friends wants to go up the mountain once the weather gets better, I really hope so

I got a call from the woman at the employment office and I'm heading in for another meeting in 2 days, she said she hadn't called earlier because she hadn't gotten a response from the people I'm suppose to work for yet. I'm really looking forward to getting back into work. I'm taking a free diving class this weekend aswell, something I'm also looking forward to.

Having something to look forward to and work towards really helps.

>>15358

Yes, I'm still going. I just don't write everyday because most days are the same

I feel like shit, I have these past days

I wake up way too early and only get around 6-7 hours of sleep. I feel so bad when I wake up and I can't go back to sleep so I end up just getting up and feeling bad throughout the day. I'm tried and very grumpy, I don't want to do anything else than sit inside and if I force myself out everything just gets worse but I keep doing it regardless.

I had another wet dream 2 nights ago, good thing was that I was dreaming about actually having sex which is different from before.

I'm going in for another meeting at the employment office next week but now I really don't want a job anymore, the motivation I had has vanished and I don't feel like doing anything.

The diving class fucking sucked. I don't understand why they would hold it during this time of the year, it's so cold and still snowing. Even the inside pool was cold, so cold we had to take breaks to warm ourselves up in the sauna before we could continue. The instructors didn't seem very serious either, they showed us a powerpoint for about 2 hours before we went to the pool. They didn't organize us or anything just told us what to do and let us do it ourselves and 40% of the time we were just waiting or swimming around doing nothing but freezing. They only taught us very simple first aid and rescue techniques, they didn't teach us how to hold our breath properly, how to dive, how to use our bodies or anything you would expect to actually learn from a class which is suppose to teach you how to freedive. If I wanted to swim around and I dive I could have just done that myself without paying for a class.

The other day we went into the sea and were taught the same things. It was so fucking cold and only 20 minutes in my feet and fingers were numb, I couldn't feel them because I wasn't given proper winter equipment so I had to quit and get out. Didn't matter much because we weren't going to learn anything, just swim around and "learn to move in the water"

Can't believe I payed $235 for this shit, I could have bought food or something.

But in the end it was the cold is what ruined the entire experience for me, if it wasn't so cold I could have at least been more comfortable about the whole situation instead of just trying to keep myself from freezing. I always thought diving was cool but now I don't feel like ever doing it again, maybe I'll try in the summer.

I've noticed lately how anxious I really am, anxious and weak. I'm actually really anxious all the fucking time, not like angsty teen anxious but I always have this underlying "trembling" sensation that makes me feel like I'm gonna have a breakdown any minute. Like when I drive my car and someone is tailgating me or there is a lot of traffic I feel like just driving off the road, injuring or killing myself without involving anyone else. Social skills isn't improving much either, it's almost like they're getting worse. I can never relax, breathing and meditation and such doesn't fucking work.

I don't know why I'm like this or why I'm not fapping… Like, what's the point if I'm just going to be a socially inept pussy anyway?

>>15445

Well, as long as you don't fap you have at least one thing to be proud of.

Change can be difficult sometimes, but through the struggle you learn at least to deal with the struggle making further growth possible. Don't lose sight of your own possibility and belief in self improvement.

Because if you don't want, or think you can't make it, it's not going to happen. And be honest, do you want to walk into the same obstacles for the rest of your live?

Think about it logically, there are thousands of people, more even, that have gone from years long hikikomori mode to having overcome their struggles and lead a normal live. You're probably not an exception that just can't make it.

>>15450

>>15449

Thank you.

It just feels like everything takes so long, I've been waiting for months now just to get back into work but it goes so slow. I would go and "get a job" myself if I just knew how but I really do need the help, I just wish it went by faster. I can't really progress much unless I have a job and solid income, I'm so bad at doing things myself so I do need some form of "force". Once I get a job I can get a routine and start saving money so I can get my own place in some years and get out of this hellhole, but everyday I'm not working and making money feels like another day wasted

Also I'm really tired of this shitty weather, I want to move away from this place.

I'm most likely just in a bad mood, I'll probably be better tomorrow

>>15455

Based and I know that feeling, but we must really just say to ourselves that failure is not an option and that we'll make it if we keep going.

Because it's true.

Stay strong anon.

I feel better now. I don't know why but I felt very stressed out since last time I wrote here despite there not being anything to stress out about.

2 days ago I was so close to losing it, I was so horny the entire day I had to constantly distract myself, but when the evening came it went away.

Today have been good, felt like shit when I woke up like usual but the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky so I've spend almost the entire day outside. I walked a around, cleaned up some trash, sowed some grass seeds since my lawn is very patchy, and I cleaned my bedroom and changed my sheets. I feel like I've at least done something and used my body

The employment meeting went just like the ones before it; I got told I had to wait even more, so I'll know more next week. I just want to start making money already, I feel like I'm not getting anywhere in life until I have a job and an income

>>15504

not long till I reach 100 now, I'm quite proud but that's about it.

I would write a lot more and more often here but it's honestly not much to write about, same old. I'm not feeling stressed out anymore but my migrane is comming back but it's bearable and not really hindering me in any way. Woke up early today with a headache. The air in my room is just so dry and "still" even when I keep it clean, leave my window open and have a fan on. Maybe I should get a humidifier to see if that works.

The weather have been really nice so I have been feeling good and spent a lot of time outside but at the same time I've been quite horny, just not close to breaking.

I try spending less time on the computer which is easy when the weather is nice, but it rarely is. It's just cold and windy now and probably wont see the sun for a couple of days according to the forecast. Next weekend I'll ask my friends if he wants to go camping or something, I really just want to get out in nature but I feel it's too early, I should wait until it gets a bit more green.

>>15506

>I feel like just giving up at times.

I understand. Sometimes if I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back to sleep my mind just goes into the most negative state, I get so annoyed and stressed when I can't sleep. Sometimes I just think to myself: "My life can't go on like this, how am I suppose to work if I can't even sleep? Fuck it, I'm just gonna kill myself later anyway so there is no point" but I don't actually feel that way, I'm just mad and tired, the smallest thing can prevent me from falling back to sleep, everything must be perfect or I can't relax.

But thank you, and good luck to you aswell

Been rough, I don't understand why I'm feeling so shitty all the time when I'm doing all the right things. Maybe it's my sinusitis or allergies fucking up my sleep? On the other hand I've managed to handle it very easily, I don't think about the pain and the fatigue it's just there. I sleep badly and wake up feeling like I got no sleep but I still get up, I still make myself a good breakfast and go about my daily life. I work out the parts of my body that does't hurt, I do some yard work and I do some round on the punching bag. There is just something really therapeutic about punching and kicking a bag like that, helps me get out anger and at the same time It's great cardio. But I'm taking a break from that now because my knuckles are sore and swollen after last time.

I feel "strudier" mentally, I don't get scared, sad or anxious as easily and I'm able to talk and say what I want more easily.

I've started getting a root canal on that tooth I've had so much pain in. It wasn't that bad but it's pretty painful now some days after the proceedure. I'm going back in a week or so to finish it and hopefully it will put and end to this toothache I've had for years now.

Still waiting for that job. Turns out I might not get the job I was hoping for but I got something else, something can I can just jump into without taknig any more courses and still make more money, it will also give me an apprenticeship. It also equires me to move out of this place eventually, only problem is that I can't find anyone who's renting out space so I hope I can find something before I start working. If I get the job that is.

I feel bad but at the same time I feel kinda good

I'm feeling it. I feel fucking great, like everything inside me is boiling or there is a fire kindling, not like happy good but good as in I want to do something drastic but I don't know what. I'm not perfect but a hell of a lot better than how I was previously. I'm finally able to discipline myself and get things done even if I don't enjoy it. When I want to do something I just tell myself that I am going to do it and I do it, it doesn't fucking matter. I wish I could do this shit earlier.

My chronic sinusitis is killing my sleep and my anxiety is making me too self aware but I wont fucknig care. Fuck right off

I just purchased my gym membership and tomorrow I'm heading out, hopefully I'll be there areound 10 because that's when there is least people. I'm just a bit worried about starting since I've never worked out with barbells before, I wish I had a friend to bring but I've watched some youtube videos and I kinda know what I'm suppose to do. I guess I'll start light, take baby steps and hope I don't sperg out. I bet there is gonna be some gym thots and gym chads there anyway but I'll make it. I am gonna do it, I am gonna get strong as fuck, I'm gonna learn how to fight and how to shoot guns because as soon as I'm comfortable with going to the gym I'm joining the local gun club. Maybe I'll get into hunting later aswell considering I already have a license.

Still haven't heard anything from the job lady and I don't give a shit anymore, they've been dragging me along for so long with no results they can ilterally just fuck off at this point.

Well, I'm back and still clean

I went to the gym for 3 weeks and it felt okay but I had to stop because I finally got into job training.

I really loved getting back into work, I feel comfortable and confident with it, I get a lot of positive feedback, and the guy I work for is just great. I have no problem waking up in the morning and going there. I got a week left and then I don't know what happens so I'll probably go back to the gym unless I get to go back into work.

I could obviously go to the gym after work but since I've been neet for so long I don't know how much I can take and I don't want to get burned out. I'll see once I'm done with the training. Work is already very physically demanding so it's not like I'm losing muscle being there.

I joined the gun club and it was exiciting at first but it quickly wore off, the people there talk more than they shoot and since they already know eachother and I'm new it makes it really fucking uninteresting. I came there to shoot guns not to banter with boomers and drink coffee. I've missed the last 3 sessions just because I don't have any interest in going, but I'm going back next time and use up my ammo then I'll just quit, I already know how to use a gun anyway.

This is something I've noticed about me just now, I'm a doer not a talker. I don't like talking or playing around when there is other stuff to be done like work or training. I don't understand why people won't save the talking to when we're done doing what we're suppose to do and rather focus 100% on the tasks. It just seems illogical.

I've cut out a lot of old friends now after trying to spend more time with them and rekindle old friendships. It was fun at first but I slowly realized how bad they really are for me and how little we have in common. First off they drink a lot, it seems to be their main activity to do, I haven't been drunk in almost two years now and it's been a month since I've touched alcohol. When partying and drinking is the subject 60% of the time I feel very left out. They're also very loud, rude and almost child like in their behaviour, I get that they are just trying to have fun but these are men in their early to mid 20's, we're not teenagers anymore so having a normal conversation or doing a "normal" activity with them is next to impossible. Not trying to like some superior pseudointellectual here but it feels like I'm hanging out with children high on sugar.

I just stopped talking with them, maybe once in a while I'll play some games with them but for the most time I enjoy the company of me. Finding new friends is gonna be hard but not impossible

I haven't fapped yet but I admit I've watched some porn and edged a bit. It's like I said in my earlier posts that when you come home from work, you're tired and alone you just want to feel good so you just look at porn. I always feel disgusted by myself afterwards.

So I'm off my "high" period but I'm not getting any worse, I feel better mentally and not giving a shit really helps

It's over, I relapsed this morning

I woke up with a cold very early and felt like shit, I should have just gotten up but instead I chose to feel good, so in my half sleep I started rubbing one and before I knew it I lost control

It's like I feared, that when I started working and becomming tired I just want to feel good even if it's for a brief moment

I can't believe myself, 148 days for nothing and I feel disgusted and ashamed. I don't understand, it's like I can't control myself when it happens, I know that I shouldn't be doing it but I just keep going until it's too late.

But I'm not giving up, I'm starting over and hopefully I'll do better

I've thought alot about why and how I relapsed but I can't seem to learn how to stop myself next time it happens.

I can say that I feel the effects of fapping again now, I've been so tired, upset and withdrawn even since it happened. Maybe it's the cold or maybe I'm just upset at myself.

I'm very horny now, I feel like I want to watch porn and mastrubate again and it's been times when I've thought to myself "I'm gonna fap tonight" but I don't end up actually doing it so that's good. I have looked at some r34 porn just to take the egde off when I'm really horny, I figure it's better to just just browse some pics and get the initial lust away to avoid going cold turkey or relapsing again. I sound like a fucking drug addict.

Work is good but it has been a little stressfull and tiring these past days, however I'm getting so much positive feedback from the guy I work for and he's even trusting me enough to let me work a shift alone this weekend. What I don't like is that he's a boomer who talks non-stop, most of the time he has really good and funny stories to tell but sadly he's too much into news and politics which is really boring and tiring to listen to for a person who doesn't watch television or cares much about modern politics. It's especially annoying when I know that what he's saying is complete bullshit fake news. But I just smile and say yes, I don't want to create disagreements between us.

I can say that going 148 without fapping has helped, that's at least 50 loads of life juice saved for the wife I'd hopefully impregnate one day.

Here's to another streak, I hope I can make it past 150 this time

10 days since relapse and I'm fine so is work

I can feel myself get sexually aroused sometimes but that "I want to fap now" feeling is completely gone

I'm a bit pissed because I just realized that I'm not getting any extra benefit or pay for my work. The work was managed through the employment office but apparently it's just "test" to see if I'm capeable of working. And here I've been putting in extra efford and hours for nothing. It's not that I don't like being there and helping the guy out, he's great but I don't fancy working for about $600 a month, that's about $5 an hour if I'm not mistaken. I might as well just go back to doing nothing then since I'd make the same. I'm don't ask for much since I'm not really fully employed or trained but at least give me something instead of nothing and just say "it's training".

His daughter is really cute and nice though, but sadly for me she's already taken.

Anyway, things is alright otherwise

Relapsed again

I got time off from work, I'm home alone all day, the weather has been shit entire summer, I can't find anything to do and I have no friends who wants to do things outside of drinking. I thought fapping would give me feel good for once but it didn't, it didn't even feel good so I don't know what brought me to it.

But there i no excuse, I will try again

Still going, just not much on my mind to write about

Work is good but I had to cut down my hours because I feel myslf getting burned out. This is something I've been plagued by with every job I've had. It just seems that long term work just burns me out no matter how much I enjoy it, I don't know why it's like this but I hope if I can reduce the hours a little for a while then maybe I can relax a little and get back into full days again

I hope my boss is okay with it, I will tell him that if he needs help with somethingI will have no problem dropping by on my off time