since i was a child i never finished a draw or something like that due to a lack of will
But now it's worst, im confused i want to do nothing but im doing studies to become a doctor or pharmacist, not because i like that ( i like nothing ) because i said that i want money but in fact even when i think about the money i can get with these professions i still dont care about it, i do not care about money, my futur or everything else, i want nothing, i like nothing no jobs come to my mind, i want truely nothing, im bad at school, im curently in a medicale school and if i do not just skip class i just do nothing in there, i come from a low social class and i live in a ghetto, im french, nothing here give me hope, i don't even have a family, i live with my mom and i have just 1 friend ( a woman ) but she rarely respond to me. I feeling alone, im not depressed i can laugh or whatever else, i just feel alone, and disturbed in my soul
It's like i tried everything possible on this planet, even good food attract me less day by day, i want nothing, i tried every kind of porn, i traveled to different places and i know pretty everything of this world from the evolutions of languages, to the evolution of life, astronomy physics and chimy, politics, human history, aeronautics, nuclear power, even small facts that no one cares, i still know them, i can draw a map of the earth with all of its biomes without a model, i know everything, every climates of every places, every mountain zones, i know every deserts, i know fucking every places of this world since i am 2 hours everyday on google maps just to pass time, boys and girls, what am i going to learn, to do next ? I am learning languages because i have nothing to do, i know lots of alphabets, lots of words of every languages my hobby is to compare every language i can, i know every pokemon openings in : Russian, Arabic, French, German, Dutch, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, Finland, Spanish… same for other animes, it's boring now, there is no languages that makes me feel good, the last language that make me feel good was Dutch because of it's harsh sonority ( i love harsh sonority that's why i like arabic german and dutch )
What am i going to do ?
Wat ga ik doen ?
Was soll ich tun ?