Ok, i know it's not a complain about how fucked up you are thred but i don't know where else could i post this.
>Be me
>Be a 18 yo male
>Only get an erection through the fantasy of getting fucked or suck a dick
>Somehow attracted to girls, but not sexually
>Just want cuddle,kiss and that they'll see me get fucked by a boy while they'd be laughing at me
>Hates girl and thinking sometimes that they doesn't deserve to live
>Wish i'd be dominated during sex just as women does
>Attracted by young pubert boys to teenagers age
>Can't act on those fantasies because it's prohibited
>Tries to find a bf who are at least 16 yo but unable to find any because socially isolated
>Only person i speak to is a 16 yo girl but i hate her and love her at the same time. i mostly just texts her abouts my fantasies with boys, some fucked up lies i told and she doesn't even answer me most of the time or she just text me i'll go to bed
>Got in jail for half a day last year because of a similar situation with an other girl (22yo) in which i lyed about having done screwed up shit
>Grindr suck even though i'm curently in touch with a 17 yo boy
>Is on medication and went through some kinds of very fucked up thoughts about illusive worlds and spiritual things
What can i do to find a girl who'd like to be my friend and would like to speak about boys just as like all the others gay stereotyped person that we think of are with , ,i wish i could move to another place for a couple of week to find this kind of girl but i'm constantly either working or studying. And i'm also turned on about the desire of having sex with a teenage boy who'd be at least 16yo .