No.183792
>tfw i can only do 1-3 line responses
>tfw this is what ive been doing since i was like 11
>tfw im 19 and have no idea how to write paragraphs
how do I write longer /erp/?
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No.183802
>only do 1-3 line responses
holy
>no idea how to write paragraphs
jesus
Anon, are you damaged? Even American public schools teach you how to write better than that. Oh well.
>line
First off, forget the concept of lines, that's retarded and always will be.
Second, read a book and observe sentence structure as well as context.
Third, type sentences. Generally speaking, a paragraph is 6 sentences.
For a paper there's a lot of bullshitting involved but that's harder to insert when someone's actually going to be reading it i.e. your partner. You can't fix stupid completely but you can damn well try, so learn how to describe things better and get out there you flaming faggot.
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No.183813
>>183802
The problem I have is that I'm used to simple, short actions. Idk how to draw out sucking a dick or whatever for an entire paragraph. I can write other things that long, just not sure how to rp like that
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No.183815
>>183792
I can help you as long as you play dumbass Aqua
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No.183816
>>183815
o-ok anon
as long as you play kazuma
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No.183817
>>183815
>>183816
I want in on this too
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No.183818
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No.183823
>>183813
Here's what you do:
1. Keep writing simple actions. That's fine.
2. Choose another body part or object or train of thought that's in the scene, and update us on what's happening.
Unless you have very eccentric tastes, sex is more than just a penos going into a vahine. Your hands will be grabbing on to something. Their hands will too, maybe touching you. Your character probably has to breathe, how's the sex reflected in that? Are there lewd noises? Does your partner taste good? Smell musky? Feel soft or firm? What does your character say? What do they think? What are they saying through body language? Where are your arms, hands, legs, feet, fingers, lips, tongue? Where are your partner's?
3. Again, just pick a few of these every time you post. You don't need to uodate your partner on everything at once, but remind them that there's more to the action than a dildo and an onahole with a dirty word speaker nearby.
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No.183838
>>183792
You may have an actual mental disability.
>>183818
I see you have good taste, anon.
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No.183841
>>183823
Dee was supposed to be one of my first femdoms, actually. I got lazy and worked on other profiles, sadly.
>>183839
I'll play her with a fat green and possibly slightly freckled dick for you, anon. Worstgenders are my specialty anyways.
>>183792
Back to you OP, what do you actually even type? Give me an a real example. I ask because I actually have to put effort into keeping it anywhere below semi-para. How you don't naturally desire to write more details is absolutely beyond me.
>nb4 /me I put his dick in my mouth and suck
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No.183842
>>183841
>>183838
Meant the first message for this anon. I'm actually retarded.
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No.183846
>>183813
The problem you have is that you haven't read a single book in your laifu.
Writing is not hard, you just have to read, dumbo. You literally don't need to write a sentence to become decent at writing, especially by modern (and ERP), standards.
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No.183848
>>183845
I normally stick to 2 paras, but conversely my paragraphs tend to be very thick and heavy with content. I cut each paragraph after around 10~ sentences on average. Like I said though, completely empty, but feel free to hit me up if you're still interested. I wouldn't mind fielding things out with her regardless.
https://www.f-list.net/c/The%20Dee/
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No.183851
>>183850
Typo where? The apostrophe or–?
Notes work great since I'm not on her often. Also I'm horribly curious now.
Either way, hope to see you soon!
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No.183854
>>183853
Yeah, I knew it. Maybe it'll be fixed one day.
Though if that ever happens, I'm more likely to raze the whole thing and redesign the profile.
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No.183855
it means you don't have enough ideas, don't try to expand 3 sentences into 100 unless you are at school.
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No.183857
>>183817
What's your f-list or discord?
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No.183858
>>183792
Your teachers have failed you.
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No.183860
I put the ponos in the vajayjay
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No.183862
>>183813
>Idk how to draw out sucking a dick or whatever for an entire paragraph.
Ok. Here's a tiny sample. Try to analyze it action by action. Is it that writing those things just doesn't come to your mind, or that you'd prefer to split it into several separate posts?
>>183823
This is a good post.
>>183845
>>183848
Sample (it was half a post) aside, I am personally preeetty variable, it just varies from time to time and what pacing/timing constraints I'm working with.
Sometimes it goes
>play with a friend
>agree to try keeping posts shorter and relaxed, because our last RP hung up on 1.2k word posts
>"relaxedly" escalate past each other to 1k again
Othertimes I just push out a 100-200 and that's all I got.
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No.183984
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No.184059
>>183862
>This is a good post.
>>183823
is like babies first ERP; you gotta be kidding.
>>183846
>>183855
Are the right answers.
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No.184097
>>184059
Baby steps is what OP needs, so yes, that post is right for him.
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No.184768
>>184097
It isn't. People who think the way that post described are exactly the kind of people who never seem to improve at all. Do creativity exercises, read books, write by yourself, and you're good.
Also >>183862 is awful, and it is the exact quality of writing thinking like >>183823 will get you. It seems pretty clear the person who wrote that was intent on getting a lengthy paragraph, instead of a well written one, by the amount of superfluousness going on; I'd call it purple prose, but I think that'd be praising it too much.
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No.184833
>>183813
Describe more than just the dick sucking, it's mechanical as shit. Describe reactions, expressions, noises. Don't just focus on your character's lips or mouth. Detail what they're doing with their hands, where their eyes are going, and what they're feeling both literally and on an emotional level as that dick saws through their lips. Take into account their experience. Is it their first blowjob? Mention grazing teeth, or gagging, or how they might panic if the dick goes too near to their throat. It's insanely easy when you consider the wider picture.
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No.185208
>>184768
What's wrong with >>183862 other than he's flaming faggot? My minor red flags are the exclamation marks and "Pwaah". My biggest issue with their post is the fact it cripples their partner's response. There's no room for their partner's character to interrupt them or for their reaction to be acknowledged. I know you don't need to act/react to everything, but your partner shouldn't have to wait their turn to actually do something and have it recognized. That being said I've seen worse examples.
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No.185242
>>185208
Not the same guy, but
>depths of his eyes showing faint dancing lights inside of them
A mouthful of nonsense, purple prose-esque "description," that neither sounds good or makes sense.
>pulled a tube of lipstick from thin air
Unless his character is literally a magical homo, this sounds terrible when you're trying to build a scene.
>mark of his lips on the dark chocolate.
Just sounds fucking weird, and doesn't make for a good end to the sentence or lead in for the next one.
As a more general critique, there's a lot of really awkward prose and framing, overuse of words like kiss and lips which make it clear that the writer is either a) unimaginative or b) has a very limited vocabulary, probably both. Worst of all, however, is the fact that the post is incredibly boring. It's just a machine-type description of kissing. No detail towards the dick itself or his partner. Nothing to show the appreciation, worship and lust he's supposedly conveying. Just increasingly lazy descriptions of the same thing over and over again: "he kiss cock teehee".
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No.185275
>>185208
I'll give you a list
>Finally…
Stop using this.
>… while still holding the pose…
Most likely superfluous, but it could be right given context. The expression "holding the pose" is really not what I'd call dynamic and interesting.
>… depths of his eyes showing faint dancing…
What even is this?
>… taking a pause
This is vague, but either way it could be better: if he's taking a pause before taking the lipstick out, this would really do well with a bit more description; on the other hand, if the pause is him taking the lipstick out, the expression becomes superfluous. It's lazy.
>… turning them from unremarkable paleness into same bright pink as his hair.
I personally don't like this. It's an action-less passage which could be replaced by a single adjective before lip-stick.
>Stretching from puckering up into a lustful grin…
Repetation, we already knew he was puckering. Also, this is a awful sentence.
>His little tongue flickered out
Remove 'little', remove 'out'.
>… adding a little bit of saliva over the freshly applied lipstick.
"Wetting his lips." Superfluous.
>And then he dove down…
How many times is this guy gonna go down?
>… the cock before him!
Where else would the cock be?
>He let it last for a good moment, his eyes close, but eventually he…
He, he, he.
>sound of release
Remove 'release'.
>~
~
>… as he caught a glance at his handiwork…
'Caught a glance' seems like an odd expression to use in this situation.
>… bright pink mark of his lips on the dark chocolate.
Trying too hard.
>Immediately
Stop using this.
>… and more - each touching the other at the very corner…
Misused dash.
>… sparkles in his eyes visible much clearer now, shining like miniature hearts~
Anime was a mistake.
Thing is, I get that many people would be more than OK with - if not actually desire - some of the the things I pointed out, but that's exactly why I can't get into ERP anymore. It seems the objective of an ERP session is to bloat simple scenes, which should be straightforward, with lots of weasel, superfluous words, and purple prose, and what's even more sad is that people actually believe this is good writing. No, good writing is not spewing a bunch of what I call "half-blurred" sentences, which explain things in an incredibly convoluted way, just to make the writer seem more smart or better at writing; good writing is exactly the opposite of that: it's telling a lot with as little as possible. And no, this is not me saying detail should be avoided, for those of you who will interpret this ramble that way; detail should be given the same treatment as the rest of the writing: clear and concise, because a great part of eloquence comes from just that, and eloquence is what we should seek.
I NEVER impose minimum paragraph / post sizes upon myself when I'm playing. My first post might be 10 sentences long, the second might be 2, the third might be 3 and the fourth might be 20; what I am doing is seeing a story unfold in my mind, and I'm simply describing it as it happens, because I'm more concerned with making a story worth consuming and getting involved with, than writing.
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No.185280
>>185275
What a crock of shit. Even in the context of regular RP the emphasis is on the now rather than the story as a whole due to the nature of the beast. The relationship and aventures of a pair of characters span across multiple threads / plays that each contain a single chapter of the whole tale. Given the medium itself - more so for ERP than regular rping - the extreme focus on the present and the hyperbolic nature of phrases and actions serve to further improve every play due to the entire tale not needing to follow an overarching plot and its restrictions to a tee. The fact most plays are self-contained and only loosely linked with what happened before or what happens after is what makes rping as a whole welcoming to the type of shit that anon wrote.
Get off your high horse nigga. While a good part of that is valid criticism, especially the overusage of he in that one example, your mindset is retarded as fuck and insufferable.
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No.185283
>>185280
>Even in the context of regular RP the emphasis is on the now rather than the story as a whole…
You can have both. Present focus does not excuse bad storytelling / writing.
>the extreme focus on the present and the hyperbolic nature of phrases and actions serve to further improve every play due to the entire tale not needing to follow an overarching plot and its restrictions to a tee.
I don't get what you're trying to say here. Storytelling doesn't even need to have a plot attached.
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No.185285
>>185280
Explain your picture and what I need to do to ERP it no furries
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No.185509
>>185242
Reading it over again I have to agree with you.
>Unless his character is literally a magical homo
If his character is a magical homo, then his partner's character is a gay nigga from space.
I think he could've split description into at least two or three posts. Since the kissing would be split into multiple posts, he'd be able to do more in his posts. I mean why is his character gaying it up with the nigga from space, what are his character's feelings towards his partner's character and in general, what is character thinking about, what is his character doing with his hands, and etc.
>>185275
Jeeze you're cold blooded, anon. Still his example isn't irredeemable, even with all it's faults.
>… bright pink mark of his lips on the dark chocolate.
>Trying too hard.
How is that trying too hard?
>I'm more concerned with making a story worth consuming and getting involved with, than writing.
Wouldn't you say they go hand and hand? I mean you can have an amazing story, but if the writing comes off like Forrest Gump no one is going to read it. Then there's the amazing prose that wanks it's self on every page, but has no plot. Who would want to read that?
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No.185638
>>183862
My god man, have you heard of paragraph breaks? Quality writing but trying to filter through it without my corneas erupting might actually be impossible. There's a reason most non-scientific authors break their paragraphs into 4-6 sentences.
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No.185673
>>185509
>Jeeze you're cold blooded, anon. Still his example isn't irredeemable, even with all it's faults.
I didn't say it was irredeemable; I was asked for an opinion and I gave it. To be clear, people like >>185280 are the exact kind of people I was complaining about in the post.
>Wouldn't you say they go hand and hand?
Telling a story is inherently connected to elequence, I don't think anyone would debate that. I guess what I meant to say, is that I am more interested in a developing something that's easily readable and understood, instead of something whose purpose is clearly to fill a set word / sentence / line count.
>How is that trying too hard?
In my humble opinion, it's very oddly phrased, and reeks of "look at me, I'm such a writer" syndrome. Nobody, in their right mind, would describe it that way.
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