Think about this for a minute.
Is your fault to feel alienated to everyone around you because of your incapability of empathize and lack of enthusiasm?
Living by the day, waking up working on your projects improving even, still, making no progress nor difference and trying over and over for no real recompense in the end? maybe not even trying, giving up but still pushing foward waiting for that change we all wait for that just will never come, feeling stranded and lost, disappointed of the romanticized life they sold us since we were children, being indoctrinated to live by others other than ourselves while at the same time we can only think for our own sake? what are you going to eat? what are you wearing? where do you live? how much do you make?
Feeling so sick of it, dependant and useless and broken and on top of that it's supposed to be your fault?
While at the same time some schmuck can feel better with himself and be happier with even less than you have? living in shit and even dealing with bigger problems than you do? is he really better than you because he can ignore the bad things you can't? His careless ways enlights his path to wake up every morning a keep going for such pitiful reward?
Or even more annoying, someone who has never tried, getting everything he wants, easier, faster, without sacrificing anything in exchange. Either way, happier, condescendant.
Is it my fault for not being like them? for stop caring? not trying to compete in their game?
And this is not because of the isolation nor the shutdown due coronavirus or whatever, i don't care what's going on out there with politics, with people, just too many people.
I feel like my mind is going down the drain, rotting and melting i spend most of my time imagining, isolated inside my head, lost in thought, to the point when reality strikes feels unreal, artificial, things like hunger, pain, joy feel empty and artificial. My dreams feels more real than reality itself, i feel, i interact with people, i can feel my heart pump, although most of the reasons why may be considerated unhealty, grotesque, for me they're just dreams, like a movie or a videogame, not good nor bad, i like to think it's just not real, but what the fuck is it then? Goddammit i genuinely think i'm going insane and worst, i feel like it's all my fault.
TL;DR
I'm going bananas, are you going bananas aswell?
ultimately, is it our fault for being like this? a doomer? schizodoomer?