/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

I love Jesus

>>835980

https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=2kTH8CLeWF4

>>836024

You can embed Invudious links you know.

>>835980

My emotions are back. Do not be afraid of demons.

>>835980

I want to kill myself. Probably will in the relatively near future.

I had a mini-revelation about myself, yesterday.

On one hand, there are times where I desire to see myself as a strong loner. I believe I developed a desire for this image from all of the Nietzschean stuff I was exposed to on imageboards in my teenage years (although to this day, in my late-20s, I've never touched a single book by Nietzsche).

On the other hand, there are times where I desire that others desire me. I want to see their eyes light up when I walk into the room, I want to be the center of their attention and when I'm not there, I want them to be talking positively about me.

My critical observation however was that I'm never aware of both of these desires, simultaneously. I always assumed that if I wanted to understand myself, I could easily just observe what my desires are at any point in time but this doesn't fit that assumption. When one is present, the other is absent. I think desiring one without the other might've been fine but now I see the pendulum I'm on as I swing between both of these, always trapped in the moment, only seeing what I'm swinging towards, not what I'm swinging away from. Seeing this, it's almost like my mind was being manipulated and something was trying to keep me from getting anywhere in life.

Now, I'll just focus on what's healthy for me and what I know will serve me in the long-run. No images. No validation-seeking.

Staying strong!

- 21 days Semen Retention (ATH in 16 years)

- Walking Daily

Learning more about God, but would like to read more of the Bible. I'm beginning to realize reading by book-order (OT to NT) isn't right.

- Gonna return to the gym soon

Life has been turning up, lads. Ever since I came back to the light of God, and walked in his Kingdom, my mind has never been clearer. Urges and negative cycles, I've been able to discard them with ease.

I'm tired of the Governor shutting down Church

I'm tired of the Archbishop shutting down Church.

I'm tired of reading about the riots.

I'm tired of people saying and doing stupid things and embracing sins like looting, arson, murder, mayhem, rape and sacrilege.

And I'm struggling with resisting my own urge to sin, more than usual today.

Yeah. Pretty much a neo-normal day.

>>835980

Hanging in there, trying to chill today, but it's one of those times when I just start reading Ecclesiastes again.

>>836089

The struggle is real my friend.

i'm struggling so hard to not give in to lust and i am only holding on by the smallest barest thinnest hair, i am a slight breeze away from falling right back down to the beginning

i want to be strong but it's so hard

the world of lust feels so warm and carefree when i'm in it, and the world without it feels so cold

i know it's not really warm, because when i do give in and indulge it, it disappears and i'm left with nothing but disgust and self-hatred, but the world without it never seems to get much warmer

i know the softness of that world of sin is a lie, that when i can turn a sober eye towards it what once was beautiful turns revolting, what seemed so welcoming and enticing becomes sharp and pointed, all edges and knives and blood, its sweetness turns sickening and saccharine, its gentle allure becomes violent and forceful

but i can't get that soft voice out of my winnie the pooh head, incessantly questioning "why bother?" "isn't the world without it so empty? what do you really get out of this, anyway?"

i know what i get out of it you winnie the pooh b—- leave me the winnie the pooh alone

god give me strength, i can't do this alone

>>837048

https://sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/home/preface

I heavily recommend this to anyone struggling.