Report from the secret BBQ, lads.
Was drinking glasses full of gin and piss beer all afternoon, had full control of le grille, was alright until me dad went on a massive entry-level boomer take tirade about homos and gender like he did at the last BBQ and set all the women off with their gayisms.
I'd been awake about 48 hours at that point so I went had a nap on the stairs and the kids all conspired and covered me in leftover salad and links of sausages, woke up on the sofa upstairs at 4am with sesame seeds and mayonaise all down my front and beans in the treads of my boots (could remember I hadn't eaten either of those things, right messed with my head) and thought I been sick and blacked out, got worried as fuck I'd ruined a carpet in the house until me sister came to pick me up and showed me a picture on her phone of me covered in salad and shit.
It's mad as fuck lads.
