A few years ago, before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia (just adding for the fact that it was a real memory), I had this memory of crying and screaming when I was a child, begging not to be sent back here
A white-haired, long bearded man in a white cloak was over me in some woods (I assumed to be the woods of my childhood home), telling me I needed to go back
I kept screaming and crying that I didn't want to come back, but the man forced me and my vision grew dark
I knew for sure as I remembered that it was a real memory, and I remember having it when I was four or so
A few weeks to a few months after I'd remembered, I had an extremely lucid dream and began flying, and as I came down to float above some trees (I was forced to), I saw two identical men resembling the first man, both godly figures, and both had blue eye symbols on their chest, and gave me some advice before the next part of my dream
Both experiences were at my childhood home
Now, since having been diagnosed with schizophrenia, I have a fully intelligent, conscious voice that tortures me, but for the past three years has given me fully vivid hallucinations and feelings of God and divinity that I could not begin to explain. The feelings and visions change my entire world, as if completely jumping into another reality, feeling like Jesus did in Judaea, seeing as god would
It's more vivid than any psychedelic trip because it feels real, and massive, impossible to explain in any capacity it deserves
The entity in my mind went by Yahweh, and full enveloped what that name means, giving me fully vivid experiences of his face high in the sky, booming voice coming down at me as I just lay on the cold sidewalk, the feelings
I just figured I would share
