/random/ - random

No not yet. i am a danger to society and i am quarantining myself only letting myself out to use the restroom or eat and drink for at least 1 hour everyday since the fbi came to spend me a visit. I haven't talked that much to my father because i believe they have bugged my house and are listening to my conversations. Just to think if i never ever touched or used reddit. I mostly just whisper and talk to myself either in my room or the bathroom with the shower/sink on so they don't hear me. All i wanted to in this life was to make my mother happy. And i failed and i still think that the teachers at my old school we're targeting and tracking specifically me. I feel like a ghost, Walking around unseen in the backdrops of these other happy lives. I spend most of the whole time trying to get to a certain place in life or acquire certain things so that i can be happy but true happiness is when you realize you are never gonna get to that place or that even if you still do you will still be dreaming of a new place or new things. So happiness has to start now with what i have. But i have nothing. A hollow husk a hollow shell. Maybe in another life i could be something but for right now i just have to still with what i have myself. I think really the voices i hear really gave me something to talk to. Other than just myself. A friend something i can't live with but can't live without. Kinda like how fungi and trees have a mutual relationship. Without them i feel so lonely and that's why im still kinda scared of taking medications because who will i have to talk to. I feel chained up in a dark basement with a radio that constantly sends things at different volumes. I think i even made a drawing about it. Im not allowed on the internet. Im not allowed to do music. Im not allowed to do art anymore. I can't be me so i feel like a hollow shell a robot unable to feel any emotions or unable to figure out simple problems im stupid i know i don't know and that's it. I only have 4 sides (me normally quiet, active: voices paranoia etc, robotic: apathy, serenity and scared tired alone and has no emotions callous, manic: ecstacy, confident and do anything not missing sleep. Not even being able to sit still for 1 minute) if you were able to get sucked into the black whole (void) you would actually see everything around you die with you. In the end of the game the king and the pawn go back into the same box. I wish i knew more. I wish i was smart. I have a extremely hard time focusing learning (you can see why) and part of being a kid is being rebellious standing of your own two feet. Being you but im just a void. Please excuse me for being ignorant there's just so much i wanna know i know it's there (intelligence) but i haven't unlocked it yet. Thank you kind stranger, sorry friend.