I believe the Catholic God is (probably) the correct one but yet I hate him. First of all he is evil. God knew our fate before eternity, who was to go to Heaven or Hell, yet he creates the damned. And by the nature of time it always comes; in that events always happen as they would have no matter what, the present is there, time movies, it becomes the past, the future becomes the present, and so on. There is no such thing as free will. You will respond and say it would be against God’s nature to save sinners who don’t accept Christ and his teachers from Hell (as was the sacrifice of Christ necessary to redeem humanity) and thus he cannot do so, however I say there is plenty of evidence God is of no opinion but rather hates and strongly rebukes homosexuality, and in the end homosexuals.
Second of all I hate the Church and God for decrying my love as false. I see my sexuality as a gift from nature, that I can appreciate more of the beauty of humanity. If there is no abuse, if there is no risk of STDs (and in the modern era and with safe sexual behavior this can be done so), and both people are attracted or love each other than what is the problem? How is sex different than any other activity. In my eyes sex is only sacred when there is romance, if not than it is just an activity, as long as it does not harm what is the problem. You’ll say the point of romantic relationships is to sire children but I say that is silly and redundant. Nothing in this world exist for itself; an acorn exist so it may grow trees, a tree exist so it may grow acorns and quite old and birds may live in it, the animals exist to have offspring and feed each other. The whole world is but an endless series of chains and reflections. The only things that are true and have eternal existence into the past and future (and this is another point I disagree with the Church in) are the eternal human consciousness and God, the True God. I say True God because there is also part of me, one that is hopeful (but less so than believe in the other due to being raised Catholic and persecution from Christians online) that the Christian God is not true and the True God is something far more vast, fare more beautiful, and far more loving. I believe in Christ and his teachings (I am off put by how he says he came to “affirm” the Law or at least it’s moral parts (which includes the despicable teachings of Leviticus taught by the criminal Moses) but I also worship the gods of Ancient Greece and Egypt, gods which the Church slanders as “demons”, an insult to my culture and my ancestors and an actual example of xenophobia. The ironic thing is I see that the hatred of homosexuality and pagan religions is still heavily prevalent in our culture, even if just among non-white communities. They allow it on YouTube, the front page of google. Unlike White Nationalism or anti-Globalism homophobia is not a threat to the system. Anyway I believe in the gods and have met them, in fact Thor shows up with Christ to save me from my demons and Jesus turned into a cat, a reference to Bastet I assume.
As I said I believe in Christ but part of me thinks my dreams are inaccurate, brought about by sleep deprivation, stress, schizophrenia or something else. And I believe in gods but sometimes I think my reasons for believing in them (my dreams about the future, paranormal activity in my house such as objects moving, clairvoyance, Tarot, etc.) may all be a huge amount of coincidence and that there are no gods and there is nothing after death. This scares most people but it actually makes me very happy. We are truly in control for the most part, and no matter what we do we are all rewarded with an eternal and beautiful sleep. There is no pain in nothingness. Nothing is the fulfillment of every dream. Nothing is perfect. Nothing is beautiful.
But lastly the worst part is the trauma it has caused me as a gay man. Both Christian’s and men of only science who say homosexuality is cause by demons, or mental illness, or parasites, or whatever; have caused me immense amounts of pain. To think that the wonderful love and joy I feel when I see a beautiful boy, or when I stare into my boyfriends eyed and contemplate his soul, is false; makes me feel heartbroken. If that were the case then I rather die. And if I had to choose between the joys of heaven and being gay with the opportunity for oblivion instead of Hell, I would choose oblivion. But whatever the warped Hebrew God thinks I do not care. I wish I could kill him and rape curvy Mommy Mary in her hairy Jew pussy.
Anyway I’m a bisexual. And I hate God.
