/girltalk/ - Girl Talk

>>18886

>Telling someone you can't be with them because you're just going to hurt them is some edgy after school special shit, man.

Well, the word used was pushed, and I guess I took that as a pretty strong meaning…Even in that case, I was thinking more along the lines of, "I'm getting the feeling that me being religious is important to you, but it would have to come at my own pace if it's gonna happen. If that's going to be a dealbreaker for you in the long term, then this might not be worth your time." If she's the one pushing, then she would be the one creating the drama out of nowhere…right? It doesn't need to be a monologue at sunset or anything, just a couple sentences.

>Why play hard mode if you're having trouble playing to begin with?

Can't argue with that…

>family is just a name/home is where the heart is

I am really grateful you found your husband. It is so nice to see when people "make it."

As a teenager, my family was my support group (Ala-teen which is Al-Anon for the kids of alcoholic/drug addict parents.) It's so surprising how much in common we can have with complete strangers, and I think that escapes many people who didn't need to literally or figuratively run away from their homes because their families were supportive in the first place. Anyway, I feel like I'm hogging the thread, so thank you very much for sharing your ideas and experience.

>deeply religious

I brought this up, because I am religious. To my core. As in, my big decisions all revolve around this and our family reads the Bible everyday together. It was easy for me to see mr right because I could see that he would be able to lead me to correct conclusions on topics of life based on biblical principles.

>>18887

>it would have to come at my own pace

For sure. It's the only way you'd be respected. A guy once told me

>I'll convert to whatever you want me to convert to, because my dad did that for my mom.

<Instant loss of respect

Or another one

>I'll go to church to keep you company, but I won't actually believe

<This wasn't enough for me to initiate a relationship, but had he been open to going and open to understanding what I believed, I would have pursued a friendship at a minimum, with hopes of there being more, but ultimately, if after having those discussions he still didn't believe, I would have felt compelled to end it

>>18888

>almost went to theological school and he's atheist

I find your point of view interesting, because it is so different from my beliefs. It would have been a deal breaker for me.

What convictions would you say unite the two of you, if religion isn't one of them?

>>18891

>For sure. It's the only way you'd be respected.

Yes and - of course, you already understand this - it's not just about being outwardly respected, it's equally or maybe even more about showing respect for my partner, enough to be completely honest with them. That's what love is, to me - no-one can love me if they don't know some of who I am, just as I can't love them if I don't know some of who they are, and honesty is the only way to getting to that kind of understanding…I think I sound a little extreme because it's been so many years since I've been in a relationship that these ideas have just bounced back and forth for too long. I need to stop playing hard mode…I really like talking about this sort of thing, though. I don't get to talk to enough girls about feelings and stuff.

>I'll convert to whatever

That's a horrible thing to say. I get that he was probably thinking he was saying the right thing in his book, but it's clear he gave 0 thought to how much your faith meant to you. That devalues his word, which is all you can give to your partners, platonic or otherwise. If his intention was true, the only correct thing to say (and mean it) would have been, "I will begin to think about the faith."

>going to church to keep you company

That's also belittling, as if you need the company, and as if you aren't inviting him to church out of altruistic love for him and a desire to share something that you love with him. I am glad you found Mr Right, who presumably understands these things and appreciates your generosity in wanting to share.

In the hypothetical about a partner who is "pushing" faith - there is a subtle but important difference between being repeatedly invited to church out of love, and being pushed to church out of a desire for control, which is generally what I would consider pushing to be.

>>18891

>What convictions would you say unite the two of you, if religion isn't one of them?

To be a bit clearer, I don't follow a religion. I have been what he might call "obsessed" with religious ideas and movements since I was a pre-teen and read voraciously about it to this day. I don't use a label on myself, but if I had to, I'd say I'm closest to a religious syncretist.

Him and I both grew up Catholic. The same church actually, although we didn't meet until our teen years. I began questioning things at a young age, around 11. He was a gud church boy and generally believed in the floaty cloud God as he was raised to do. We clashed a bit in the beginning as I was in the full throes of rejecting the Catholic Church when we met, but he followed suit eventually. I dived into religious mysticism for over a decade and he sort of went the other way. By the end of our twenties we were basically polar opposites. But we never defined our relationship by religious terms to begin with so it didn't effect much. I was surprised to know he no longer believed in anything "divine", but we still agree on there being a mysterious architecture or pattern to creation which is a thing some people call God and that occultists, scientists and religious men alike have long sought to understand, manipulate and control it. I just don't feel the need to have him validate all of my beliefs I guess. I've always kept mine close to the chest anyway. No one knows about what I actually believe besides me and I've never known a person in my life whom I can express it to and have them understand, including him. So I simply don't and just chug along that road alone.

So as far as convictions go, there aren't many outside of our faith in each other. We lean on and depend on each other for support and care and religious beliefs just don't play a part in that. Of course growing up in the church gave us both the same foundation of morals and that undoubtedly plays a part in defining how we conduct ourselves despite our rejection of the dogmatic teachings. We take on a generally humanistic view of life but without all of the modern poz. Treat people as you want to be treated (which is kindly), but try and hurt me and I'll blow your fucking head off with a shotgun in justifiable self defense. That sort of thing ;) It works for us just fine.

>>18892

I'm not in agreement that these things are necessarily belittling or or horrible. If someone has never known or practiced some type of religious or spiritual devotion, they can't fathom it's importance to someone who has. To them it's as if you were to ask them if they are willing to try your favorite dish - one that they generally don't like - but they are willing to give it another go because they want to please you, and who knows, maybe they'll like it this time. Either way it makes the person they care about happy.

I'm also not so sure about the being invited to church out of love vs. control. If you repeatedly invite someone who doesn't want to participate, it's control, even if you "love" them. You either accept they aren't interested or you don't. I really don't want to start a religious debate here so I'll just leave it at that.

>>18894

Anon, you remind me of someone I once knew. He could read me like a book, and could instantly decipher my mood and feelings, especially when I tried to hide them. (Most people tell me they have a hard time telling what I'm thinking or feeling.) You're much more in tune with your feelings than most men. That can be a great thing when interacting with women. It can help you connect with them on a level they may not have felt before. Look at it as a positive that way, rather than as a negative that you need therapy for. It's a common trait for women to

>inflate small gestures into carrying large implications.

>>18895

>someone I once knew

<…an implication of a decided parting of ways, maybe?

I hope knowing him broadened your perspective on people as a whole, as that's all I can hope for the women who's lives I'm no longer involved in. Someone paying close attention to your feelings is a very special sort of continous compliment, and I hope that it made you feel that way. I love that I love girls so warmly and thoroughly, it's just tough sometimes because I think I'm so alien to many of them in that way, that they might not recognize what I'm expressing to them, and it's been so long since I've been able to express that part of me.

Like flirting with strangers, for instance - I just can't do it because it "inflates" to me that the girl I'd be flirting with is receptive to that sort of thing, meaning they're comfortable being around people who don't know them, and yet want something from them. I wouldn't want my daughter around people like that! Of course if the girl wanted something from the guy then the transaction is "equal", but equal does not mean good, healthy, or loving…I know not everyone is after love, but…I feel like I would want a girl that doesn't want the kind of guy who would hit on them! If that makes sense…it's tough being like this as a guy, sometimes. Other guys only poke fun at it. One craftsperson youtuber I like watching put it best when he was talking about a moral choice he had to make (in a lighthearted setting), "I could but…I mean, I'm raising a daughter." That's as clear and simple as it gets…

>>18896

Of course, flirting can be fun and that's fine. I guess I mean it more in like the now-common sort of "serious" one-night stand type of way. Guys get butthurt if they're rejected, etc. just all so backwards. I don't see how people could pass on the pursuit of a warm cuddle, but yeah, one cosmopolitan heavy-makeup tight-clothes clubbing sort of girl at my job said out loud, "Ugh. I hate cuddling, it's just…blech." Like, of course it's practically gross and sweaty - the point is that you love the person enough to endure discomfort to get your heart as close to theirs as you physically can.

>>18896

>parting of ways

I suppose you could say that. We were just friends, but good friends. I sometimes wondered whether he thought of me as more than that, but as if he could read my mind, he made it clear that we were just friends. We both dated other people during our friendship, but when I met mr right, I felt it was unwise to continue a friendship with him as it could lead to distrust. I know a lot of girls who have 'guy friends', but I feel it would be morally wrong. Disagree with me if you like, but I believe a woman's man should be her only man, and vice versa.

>cuddling

I always thought that was a ploy by imageboards to get more women in… and that's all I have to say about that

>>18898

>Disagree with me if you like, but I believe a woman's man should be her only man, and vice versa.

100,000% in agreement. IMO the ideal is to become a team of two, and only two. I think parting ways was very wise of you, from many angles.

>cuddling

Mmm, I think it's just what we think of as the opposite of lonliness, here on IBs. For most, I'm sure it would be a ploy IRL, too.

Blog time: I remember the last girl I liked; she came over and we were watching Sheep in the Big City fully clothed sitting on my bed, and she dozed off because we had just eaten. I turned down the lights and tucked her in under the blanket, then napped on top of it next to her, not touching, facing away from her so I didn't scare her if she woke up. I felt so happy laying next to her, like how hamsters will pile up on each other to sleep and it looks really satisfying - it felt like that.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback, everyone. I think you're a great bunch of people and I'm very glad that you have things going that work for you. The world needs as many functional relationships as it can get, so thank you, and good job!

>>18752

>My mother clearly didn't want me

I feel like you're that female anon that one time at /pol/ who I replied to on that thread of having kids.

>>18977

Hmm I don't remember. I don't post often anymore and I don't think I've ever said I was female there. But I do check in for happenings and such each day despite the board being a total shitshow the last few weeks. inb4 it's always been a shitshow I've been rather blackpilled on politics as of late anyway so whatev.

>>18981

Please don't be down. In times like this, you have to endure.

>>18987

It's not really a matter of being down tbh. It's just that I see clearly how orchestrated everything is.

>>18728

In the 24 years you've been in a relationship, what's the number 1 tip you can give for conflict resolution with your partner?

>>18988

That doesn't matter. They are not titans above you, but animals fearing those below them. You need to endure, and they will only fear you more.

OP are you still destined to be a cat lady?

What good is a good relationship if you end up being a genetic dead end?

>>19004

>What good is a good relationship if you end up being a genetic dead end?

>Muh seeds. Muh progeny.

Your lazy authority worshiping male ass is part of why the species is on its way out.

What good is companionship you ask. Degeneracy.

>>18773

How is that "whining"? It was honestly something I was thinking as well, it's a valid point to make.

i want to be your boyfriend so fucking bad

>>19014

And your lazy, entitled, lesbian ass is never going to pass on its jeans. I have hope for humanity.

>>18744

>Don't be a whore. Stop thinking you'll find someone perfect, "perfect" is based on tv, movie and teen cosmo drivel that was beaten into your heads from a young age. Don't be petty, stop starting fights. Most men are simple and easy to get along with sans histrionic garbage form you. It's not cute when you act psycho, it's just edgy bullshit that men will eventually get sick of. I could go on and on..

Please do. The details can be important and enlightening. A lot of general advice fails because the people who need that sort of advice don't by themselves understand the specifics of how to apply it.

Appreciate that there is a woman like you to be public about being in a long term relationship between a man and a woman. I am married 24 years. You are right, have to check your emotions so they don't rule and he not selfish and tantrums are unproductive. Dynamics and life changes and you roll with it. No one except J.C.is perfect, don't expect it from him or yourself. Don't be in the relationship to change him!

>>19044

Not gonna lie, this is what I thought too XD

>>18896

I think your idea of flirting is interesting, I definitely see your points. But as a man who sucks at flirting, I look at is a fun, playful way to say "hello". And it's also risk and excitement as well as being on the edge of your seat waiting for what's her next move which can be reciprocal. Just have fun and don't assume all girls are just sluts mentality. You have to have fun first and foremost during the chase.

>>18728

How many other men besides your main man have you sucked and fucked behind his back?

I'm up to seven and I have been with my guy for over 17 years now. I love him and everything is great between us, but the dick from other guys just makes me wet. I have involuntary orgasms thinking about screwing other men. Then I have to do it if my guy isn't around.

It started about 10 years ago when a co-worker kept hounding me to take a ride after work. I worked part time in the evenings. I was attracted to him and flirted a little but I didn't think he really wanted me.

Before my current man, I was married for 12 years. We had two kids. We met young and I never dated or messed with anyone before I got married. He was my first. I couldn't screw around living in a small town of less than 400 people. It would have gotten back to my parents and I would have been hung by their church.

I'm 47, not very attractive, gray hair, 287lbs naked, long saggy C boobs, and 4'11". I don't see why so many guys want to fuck me. I don't have a round but. I look flat chested because my belly is so fat. I have had thyroid problems all my life.

The right guys always get a yes. I just don't like overly fat guys. I'm only into white guys too. The youngest guy was 19 and happened a month after my 46th. The oldest was when I was 39 and he was 64. Dick size don't matter as long as they aren't big guys. They hurt and I don't stretch open much. Having kids nearly killed me. I lost a lot of blood from the ripping while giving birth. My vagina just doesn't open up much. Anyway, TMI and that's gross to talk about.

>>19644

Don't you feel guilty?

Don't you think your main man deserves to at least be aware of it or is the indiscretion part of what makes it hot for you?

>>19645

I thought I would feel guilty but no. I don't get it. I love the guy I'm with but I don't think I've ever been in love with anyone. Maybe that's it.

Before all this started, I had been working 16 hour shifts five and six hours a day for just over a year. I found out he was screwing a girl he worked with. When I found out about them I switched jobs to the part time job I mentioned above.

I thought I would be really hurt and angry. I wasn't. I was a bit jealous at first and felt like a fool. After we talked, he was sexually deprived. We had only had sex eight times in roughly the 15 months I was working those long hours. It was the first time we had both been able to count and remember every time we had sex. Sometimes I would fall asleep during. That's gotta be hard on a guy that was 27-28 (he is younger than me by six years) and went from sex every day to every two months or there about.

After I talked to his FWB, I got it. It was just a thing for both of them. It wasn't serious. He wasn't looking to leave me and she wasn't wanting him to leave me. She was using him to get back at her ex-hubs. They don't know that I know they are still friends. They no longer screw each other. She got remarried.

After all of that, I just didn't care what he did. I knew he wasn't going to leave me. If he screws anyone, I don't care. I just don't want it being rubbed in my face. I don't want him to compare me to other girls. My little bit of self esteem couldn't handle what I may possibly hear.

There are a lot of things he got used to having before he met me. I can't do a lot of that fetish stuff he was used to. If he can get it from someone else, I don't care. I don't want the pressure of feeling like I can't preform to his liking. He is the only guy I have ever gone down on, but I can't finish. I like his taste but the one time I tried to swallow, I almost puked on him. I felt so bad afterward I almost cried. I'm very sexually reserved for the lack of a better term. I can't get into all those crazy positions and do all those things he wants. I like sex simple.

The guys I screw on the side get it quick with them on top or doggy sometimes. I can orgasm in just a couple minutes with my man and have multiples with him. With the other guys, I just want to orgasm quick and get away from them. No kissing, no oral on them or me. No fingering me. I can't stand that. My man is the only one that's been able to finger me without turning me off instantly. Just a quickie and go. I got fixed after my man and I had our son. So no worries about pregnancy.

>>19644

>>19648

There a reason you chose this thread in particular to talk about being a disgusting pig? There are plenty of others like the girlboners thread where you could have talked about what gets your nasty gash wet all you like. Or start your own thread. Instead you chose this thread about a femanon and her loving long term relationship with related advice, rudely implied she cheats by asking how many guys she "sucks and fucks" on the side as if it's a just a given, an then blabber on about some shit no one here even wants to know. No wonder she thinks it's bait. You're just here to turn something inspiring and good into something degenerate and base, like you, right? I'll assume it's jealousy.

>>19651

I made the posts you're referring to. I've never met a female that didn't cheat. A lot of them say, oh it was just a kiss. It's not cheating. Oh it was just a BJ, it's not cheating. Oh, I jerked him off. It's not cheating. Oh, I was drunk. It's not cheating. Oh, it happened in Vegas so it's not cheating. I hear stuff like this from friends and even women that are just acquaintances. I hear the excuse, oh it just happened or I don't know how it happened, all of the time. I've never met a female that didn't cheat but said she didn't because she made up some BS idea in her head that washes the guilt away in her mind. The worst ones are the ones that claim to be straight women and yet have sexual encounters with women, sometimes even with their best friends, behind their man's back. It's like women turn off their logical mind and go with what feels good in the moment and be damned the consequences. I did weight the outcome before committing to my life as a slut pig. If men knew how women really are, they would never marry or have kids with one.

I know I'm a disgusting pig. I need to figure myself out and get help.

Did you ever feel like ""missing out""? I had a not too wild dating history and my current bf that I plan to marry because I'm that certain was a virgin before me. I voiced this worry already with him but he just said that he would never want to and just loves me. However, I find it hard to believe somehow. So OP did any of you ever had this sort of wish to feel the disappointment of incompatible partners before?

>>19653

Maybe the people you surround yourself with are just trash? I don't have much of a social life so I have only 2 friends to go off of, but neither of us have ever cheated. No kissing, not even just flirting with others.

>>19655

>your stuff sounds like generic incel meme-tier propaganda on women

This. I don't believe a single word said by 888cde, sounds like complete bullshit.

Whats it like to have been duped into that marriage shit? You didnt come up with the idea, so its best to abandon it.

You say a lot for simply stickin around.

>>19725

>Whats it like to have been duped into that marriage shit?

Who are you even talking to? If it's me, I'm not married and have said as much in this thread already. I'd be happy to comment on your other 2 sentences but I don't even know what they mean or are trying to say so I suppose I'll wait for clarification.