Right? I wish death was easy. 4 fucking times and I've still failed. It's pathetic, honestly. I wish there was just some way to disappear, die without hurting the people who know me, without having to make so much effort to successfully die. This shit has made me so fucking tired.
Good luck for sunday, anon, or whenever you decide to end this. (And if it helps, methods like CO make the least mess - just looks like your sleeping - so if you place yourself somewhere sometimes visited, some lad will find you, call an ambulance and be done with it. They won't care, I promise.)