Alright, motherfuckers. Strap yourselves in for the ride of a life time.
>17 year old me.
>Working part time at a gas station.
>Used to explore the area around the gas station on foot while I waited for my ride.
>Exploring behind a motel in the area and notice a building I never seen before behind some bushes.
>Completely obsidian black with a glossy sheen, two stories, brutalist style architecture.
>The outside pavilion is covered in gold coins and treasure looks beautiful really.
>The FUCKING game grumps(Jon and Arin) are outside and look lost.
>Ask them what they are doing there, Jon says they were walking home to play Monster Hunter when they got lost and found this cool building.
>Ask them if they wanted to explore inside.
>Arin was into it, Jon was too but a little reluctant, kept saying he would rather be home playing Monster Hunter.
>Kind of agreed my job sucked at the time and I just wanted to go to bed.
>Was stuck there until my ride came so whatever.
>Go inside. The mezzanine was ornately decorated with white marble walls, and gold trim. There was a reception desk which was empty in the middle of the room, a mine cart on the left most side of the room, and a giant portrait behind the receptionists desk.
>The portrait was of a bald, smiling man with sunglasses and a goatee.
>Jon chuckles sensibly and says hey guys it looks just like Howie Mande-
>HELLO CHILDREN.
>Howie fuckin Mandel jumps out from behind the desk looking exactly as he did in the portrait.
>Nearly shit our pants.
>"Welcome to my fabulous factory!" he says without a hint of menace.
>You're just in time for my guided tour if you would like to take the tour join me in this minecart and we will begin shortly.
>We get in the minecart, it has seats like a rollercoaster, and a little bar to grab onto. Pretty comfy.
>Jon is still nervous. "I don't know guys, I just wanted to get home and play Monster Hunter."
>The ride begins.
>Howie shows us magical things.
>Robots with little rotund bodies that roll from place to place singing and mining gold waving at us as we pass them by, waterfalls of molten gold, caves so large and full of gold the light coming in from the domed ceiling makes the large cave sparkle like daylight.
>We finally get to the end of the tour after what felt like hours.
>We disembark the minecart.
>Howie turns around, smiles at us and asks us what we thought.
>We all agreed his place was pretty sweet.
>"Good he says, because you will die here."
>Mechanical arms grab us, and push us into the little rolling robot suits against our will. We can move but we can not run. Any protests and a collar inside the suit shocks us.
>We are put through a orientation. We are allowed to live as long as we mine gold and keep Howie happy. Howie only punishes those who make outsiders feel unwelcome, so he can entrap them, or when they insult him. As long as you mine a quota a day you can do whatever you want.
>Every morning me, Jontron, and Arin are awoken by Howie Mandel's stupid face, and given our orders for the day, we are reminded frowning is illegal, and we must sing while we work or we get the prod.
>This goes on for months. We want to die, robot suits make self harm impossible. Forced work work for Howie mining gold.
>The only time we are allowed out of the robot suits is when we shower. We begin hatching an escape plan.
>We plan to smuggle bars of soap out of the shower by hiding it between our asscheeks.
>Then we store the soap inside the bottom of our robot suits.
>We eventually gather enough soap to coat the electric shock collars in dry soap and can now use the suits however we want without reprisal.
>This works. We escape.
>We make it out and as per the plan we make a beeline for my friend's house who lives nearby.
>We call the cops and tell them there is a crazy slave labor camp behind the Holiday Inn.
>They laugh at us and hang up.
>Suddenly, sirens and police lights every where, 100 cop cars are on my friend's lawn, all four of us are in the attic of the house with hundreds of guns and a militia's worth of ammo.
>The cops demand we give ourselves in for assaulting Howie Mandel.
>This doesn't work. We open fire.
>Corpses everywhere.
>We decide to go to somewhere with a lot of people.
>We hide out in the local walmawallwe are for sure fucked if we don't find a way to prove Howie Mandel is a god damn psychopath and we are trying to avoid another half year of forced servitude.
>More coos arrive.
>We all hide in a coat rack.
>Jon is sobbing inconsolably. He just wanted to hunt monsters. I peek out of the clothes rack.
>I see Howie flanked by two police officers.
>He is talking to some manager lady.
>She points at the coat rack.
>Howie looks directly at me and smiles.
>I wake up.
Ever since that dream I had an uncompromising trust in Jontron. He has yet to fail me. If you see this man, don't call the cops. Just run.