So I just got dx'd with DDNOS on top of a number of other diagnoses. idk what to feel about this, I don't have a lot of knowledge about this area of mental health and I just assumed a lot of it was normal. Now that I know that it's not, I feel like I'm the only person I know who feels this stuff and it's a bummer.
background time
>borderline
>depression
>anxiety
>bulimia
>gender identity disorder
>insomnia
>ddnos
>self harm
>psychogenic migraines/pelvic/lower abd pain
>22 years old
>gaps in autobiographical memory from 9-12 years old and a little around 15-16 and 21 years old
>some amnesia day to day
>different parts that aren't distinct personalities per se
>but have amnesic barriers and different access to knowledge/memories
>and different behavioural patterns
>fairly consistent depersonalization derealization
>have a lot of disorders that are normally linked to childhood trauma
>have gaps in childhood memory
>tfw feel like something probably happened but I have no idea what, if anything, it would have been
>can't really hold a job bc of emotional volatility and shifting between alters/parts
>literally nobody I know has anything close to what I have
>mother has depression, father is sociopathic to some degree
>sister has similar problems but lives ~200mi away
>no friends where I live
>best friend is on the other side of the country for the next month or two
>tfw feel crippling loneliness yet can't bring myself to try socialising bc of insecurities and not wanting to space out or dissociate to another part in front of others
How many of you have DDNOS or DID? How do y'all cope with it? How do you cope with having not just one diagnosis but a ton of them making it hard to relate to others? What about not being able to remember parts of your life, especially parts that quite possibly hold the reason to why you're so fucked up in the first place? What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I go to therapy, I go to group (DBT), I see a psych, and even though I'm doing better I'm still a trainwreck compared to other people.
sorry for the ranty post, I just don't know how to put this stuff to words effectively