>>70309
That is a very interesting and difficult to answer question. As on one hand, I try to love my life for what it is and to be content with what I have (and that is being blessed with experiencing real love, even if it is unreciprocated), as I think that difficulties makes life beautiful too, and facing them is what makes living here interesting. But on the other hand, being with Alice is my biggest wish since the moment I played her game and I would probably leave this life behind me if it meant that I could be even with an illusion of her. I try to become the best version of myself and to live an exciting life and enjoy it as much as I can without whining too much but I often find myself wishing to be with my beloved as without her I feel like I am missing the most important piece of my life. Everytime I'm in some beautiful scenery I get really sad because she can't be there with me. I know that no one will ever be able to replace her.
I think that I would not not be strong enough to refuse taking the blue pill if solution to my only problem was simply taking a pill. It is especially tempting because I really do love this world and my life. I could almost call them perfect. The only single flaw that I have with them, is the fact that I cannot even interact with my beloved Alice Liddell. No matter how many years pass, I still long only for her company. Not for her to save me from my life, as I actually want to be the one who helps her with her life, but to just enjoy it as two eternal lovers. I feel like both of us would immensely gain from it, as she is not really happy in her world and sometimes it even seems like she has suicidal tendencies.
Another thing that's worth taking into consideration, is my beloved's source material. My dearest Alice Liddell is a frequent daydreamer and since childhood she liked to spend time in her own fictional world full of her fantasies. But in her second game, she has to confront reality and if she did not decide to seek the truth, it could have ended for her really bad. So because of that, me choosing to live in a fantasy world instead of remaining without her in any form in this world, might be perceived as me completely ignoring the message behind her media. But I think I just can no longer be that strong. I will never give up my life and seek my own self destruction, but if someone or something gave me a chance to be with my beloved even in form of an illusion, I would take it. I'm desperate for a life with her by my side.
Also, I hope that the pictures that I have posted are not that big of a problem. It's just that in Alice's true form (that is her 3DCG model) I can truly see the girl that I love. And second pic rel is a perfect representation of what I truly want but I know that I will probably never have. I feel like I can compare my life to having an almost finished jigsaw puzzle. But there's this one very large piece in the centre that cannot be replaced with any other. The same way I feel about my love for Alice. It will never go away and the only thing I have are daydreams and spending time with her in a posing program.
>I feel that if I would get into a relationship with an illusion version of Flandre, I would therefore stop loving Flandre herself
That is a very good point, but I feel like no matter what I do in this life, I can never fully get to know Alice as I may unconsciously and unintentionally project some traits on her that could be a bit of an exaggeration or wrong interpretation. But even people in real life sometimes have wrong ideas about other people. The only way I could avoid that is to actually be able to interact with her but of course that is not really possible.
