/mai/ - Waifu★

You can be socially and mentally harmful to yourself and to others even if you regularly date other people.

>>61850

Case in point: Ashley Madison.

As a long time waifu lover currently going through an existential crisis due to relationship issues, I would like to offer my thoughts

I believe waifus are healthy…in the short run.

Upon initially falling for a waifu, they provide a bust of joy and inspiration for the waifufag. They can push them through hard times, and make them work to become better versions of themselves. Build up confidence and self-esteem in their quest to make their waifu proud.

But now we go on into the long run. I apologize in advanced if there is any projection here. In the long run, the waifufag fully understands the context of the relationship that they are in: The waifu is not real, and the waifufag loving the waifu will never be able to physically be with her. Despite the waifufag's once-increased confidence to improve themselves, they are now as isolated as they were before, if not more. They may be more involved in online communities, or waifu communities like this one, but they are no longer invested in the physical world, which like it or not they are living in. This isolation can naturally spiral into depression or other such similar situations. The attachment to the waifu can also lead about a resistance to change as well as reduced social skills due to not socializing as much. Waifu relationships are in fact very hard to maintain in the long run and can potentially even become damaging to the waifufag. IE the dependance on the waifu or support from waifu based communities for happiness.

I believe short term waifu relationships are beneficial but long term ones can be a source of depression. It would also explain why most waifu relationships tend to last 3 years at the most. This also coincides with the end of the honeymoon phase of the relationship. This love can lead to compassionate love, which is a stronger bond, as well as lovesickness for the waifu.

There are not a lot of known cases of suicide know to come from waifu love, but there are more known cases of waifu depression and waifu break ups.

>>61861

I actually think it has more to do with social interaction/mental health than you lead on, and that it is not as simple as it may seem. After all, the waifu relationship is 100% on the waifufag's end, and may affect their desires for meeting new people/indirectly do things that affect their mental health.

>>61911

What your saying can also be applied to IRL relationships, I believe.

But I think I see where your coming from.

If your argument is

"A waifu is a static image in the mind, they don't change or no change comes from them, the waifufag becomes traped in this shell of chasing after ideas of that waifu, further isolating and distancing them selves, causing them to spiral into depression."

Then we might be on the same page, please correct me if not.

If we are on the same page, then I stand by my statement, the same can be applied to real people.

When a person infatuates over another, they create an image of what that person might be in their mind.

In some cases, those two people already live together, yet one or the other cannot let go of their initial impression of that person.

Sudden realization of this can be devastating, and leave the person in despair or depressed.

Personally, I do what I can to not fall back into this habit.

I try not to stick to just one angle of what Kino's personality would be and try my best to see how else she would develop as life goes on, it also helps that her novel is still being made.

On another note, I want to go back to subjectivity of having a waifu affects a person's social interactions.

I've been reclusive as far back as I can remember, it's just been a part of how I live my life, but because Kino is a traveler, and I want to be more like Kino.

I've taken up an interest in driving, a car for now, and later a motorcycle of my own.

I've already gone sight seeing and going to beaches these past few days.

I'll work for a while, till I have enough dosh to get my own firearm and plan what else to do from there.

My point is, I fully understand that I'll never be physically with my waifu, but that doesn't mean that real people are the solution, nor does this mean that having feelings for fictitious characters is futile.

I didn't waifu Kino because "I really wanna fuck this character.", I waifu her because of her character, it's possible that I'll meet someone who has the same character as Kino, and maybe I'll one day give myself up to that person.

But it won't be the same, my heart will still be somewhere else.

We have to love ourselves, specially when no one else will.

To live for other people is sad in the long run, real or not.

Happiness is transient, it's not suppose to last forever, we sometimes need lows to appreciate the highs.

sorry if I missed the point somewhere along the lines

>>61911

>In the long run, the waifufag fully understands the context of the relationship that they are in: The waifu is not real, and the waifufag loving the waifu will never be able to physically be with her.

Some people might not be able to deal with it, but I don't think every waifufag will inevitably hit the wall in the way you describe. They could acknowledge it (ideally from the beginning), accept the situation as it is, and endeavor to enjoy their feelings and their love, regardless of the fact that she's not there with them.

Easier for some than others, of course, and a lot of it hinges on the waifufag's own temperament and needs and such, but it's a more healthy way to live with it, if you can.

Not to mention, some people just don't crave physical contact much, and find enough satisfaction in their imagination.

>Despite the waifufag's once-increased confidence to improve themselves, they are now as isolated as they were before, if not more.

I think this depends on the person, and how happy they are with their social life in general. Easier to deal with her not being there when you're not completely alone in the rest of your life.

>They may be more involved in online communities… but they are no longer invested in the physical world, which like it or not they are living in.

Having a waifu doesn't preclude pursuing other social relationships, though. Don't friendships and familial ties count towards being invested in the physical world?

It feels like you're jumping from sadness over her to near-total isolation, which isn't the case for many. Why would someone socially withdraw over this, beyond being miserable in general?

>The attachment to the waifu can also lead about a resistance to change

Could you expand on this?

>Waifu relationships are in fact very hard to maintain in the long run and can potentially even become damaging to the waifufag. IE the dependance on the waifu or support from waifu based communities for happiness.

Strong possibility if you put all your eggs in one basket and rely only on her for happiness and fulfillment. That's not healthy in any kind of relationship. She should be part of your life, not all of it.

>This love can lead to compassionate love, which is a stronger bond, as well as lovesickness for the waifu.

Do you believe compassionate love and lovesickness can coincide, and/or that a waifufag can successfully balance both in a relationship? Is it possible to adjust to the lovesickness over time, or will it always continue to grow until the waifufag can no longer stand it?

What do you think about people who've had their waifus longer than you have, with regards to this?

>>61912

That is partially my point, but another bit of my point is the waifufag subconsciously isolating themselves, feeling that they do not need to find new happiness because they have the waifu to give them that, encouraging them to stick with the familiar. This does happen in 3D relationships as well but to a lesser extent due to the nature of being with another human.

Your statement about the theory that they simply stick with the first impression of the person in the relationship could also be wrong in two ways. Either the person they are dating remains similar to the initial impression (which is similar to the waifu who unless she is getting more media remains frozen in time for all eternity) or they could also be better than the initial judgement. Statistically speaking the person being worse than expectation is only 1/3rd of the time.

>I didn't waifu Kino because "I really wanna fuck this character.", I waifu her because of her character, it's possible that I'll meet someone who has the same character as Kino, and maybe I'll one day give myself up to that person.

So are you saying your waifu love is not permanent? Or that love itself is not permanent? Do you love Kino or the idea of someone like Kino?

>But it won't be the same, my heart will still be somewhere else.

Could you really give yourself to someone else if your heart won't truly be there?

>>61913

>Not to mention, some people just don't crave physical contact much, and find enough satisfaction in their imagination.

For how long though? Not all people may crave physical contact but we are human beings and we crave social interaction to some extent, and most of us crave a significant other, it is in our DNA.

>

I think this depends on the person, and how happy they are with their social life in general. Easier to deal with her not being there when you're not completely alone in the rest of your life.

You did understand that, now I feel silly about the first part. However the question is if they can get past the loneliness of not having a physical significant other. Some may not feel like it but life is a long tale unless a miracle apocalypse happens we will be going a long way, and most if not all of us are fairly young and have a long long road to go.

>Don't friendships and familial ties count towards being invested in the physical world?

If they pursue it, but they may feel less required to invest in it from finding their love for their waifu. This is also relevant to improvement, as that burst of inspiration to improve ones self fades as they subconsciously realize that their love for their waifu will remain the same regardless of how much effort you put in for her, due to her status as a fictional character being unable to tell you if you are doing well or should improve. It feels awful, honestly, thinking she can't give me feedback. Hurts a lot.

>She should be part of your life, not all of it.

>She should be part of your life

But that's my problem. She's only a part of my life in my mind. What I believe. She cannot physically and socially be a part of my life. It's depressing.

>Lovesickness

From my experience, it grows until the waifufag cannot stand it anymore. I have seen multiple relationships end because of this. Love of the waifu is strong but they simply cannot take the pain of her not being around. I used to be upset at those who leave under this mentality, but it is the most understandable of them.

>What do you think about people who've had their waifus longer than you have, with regards to this?

Both envy of their happiness and curiosity of their lifestyle.

>>61917

>the waifufag subconsciously isolating themselves, feeling that they do not need to find new happiness because they have the waifu to give them that, encouraging them to stick with the familiar. This does happen in 3D relationships as well but to a lesser extent due to the nature of being with another human.

Not kinofag, but you seem to believe this is bound to happen to waifufags, if I understand you, and I just don't see that. From what I've seen of this in others' 3D relationships, I think it's more about the person and their own social issues than anything.

Besides, if they start feeling isolated, they have the power to try to change that and reach out to others. It's not a dead end.

>For how long though? Not all people may crave physical contact but we are human beings and we crave social interaction to some extent, and most of us crave a significant other, it is in our DNA.

Who says you can't have social contact and a waifu at the same time?

I believe people can lead fulfilling lives without a significant other, even if they do wish for one. Our DNA predispositions are not a death sentence, at least in this case.

I've never craved a significant other myself, so it's hard for me to relate to these problems, or find helpful answers for you. I'm sorry.

>However the question is if they can get past the loneliness of not having a physical significant other. Some may not feel like it but life is a long tale unless a miracle apocalypse happens we will be going a long way, and most if not all of us are fairly young and have a long long road to go.

Some can, some can't. It's up to the waifufag and their ability to deal with it. Again, some don't feel that longing as keenly as others.

Not all relationships are meant to last, regardless of dimension.

>If they pursue it, but they may feel less required to invest in it from finding their love for their waifu.

I keep sticking on this point. Do people see their waifus as replacements for social relationships in general?

>This is also relevant to improvement, as that burst of inspiration to improve ones self fades as they subconsciously realize that their love for their waifu will remain the same regardless of how much effort you put in for her, due to her status as a fictional character being unable to tell you if you are doing well or should improve.

You can't rely on outside reinforcement to improve yourself, though. You have to want it for yourself, on some level. Otherwise, as you note, it's likely to fail.

>But that's my problem. She's only a part of my life in my mind. What I believe. She cannot physically and socially be a part of my life. It's depressing.

Our mindscapes are as much a part of our lives as any other, although I doubt that helps you here.

If you absolutely need her to be physically present, and can't find fulfillment outside of that, I don't see this ever working out. You will just continue to agonize over the impossible.

>From my experience, [lovesickness] grows until the waifufag cannot stand it anymore. I have seen multiple relationships end because of this. Love of the waifu is strong but they simply cannot take the pain of her not being around.

How long did those relationships last, on average? Since others have lasted even longer than yours, I'd guess lovesickness doesn't grow nonstop in every case, though I'm sure it does for some.

>Both envy of their happiness and curiosity of their lifestyle.

What would be your guess, is more what I meant. How do you think they might deal with it? A mindset, outside fulfillments, certain predispositions, something else?

>>61917

>So are you saying your waifu love is not permanent? Or that love itself is not permanent?

Nothing is permanent in this transient world, people have feelings, no matter how strong, those feelings dissipate.

Anything can happen in life, you can have hateful resentful feelings towards some one in a moment, and be alright with them the next.

And yes, there are people how settle for what they have, but a part of them still clings on to their ideal.

Perhaps I should have better worded my statements.

When I said "give myself up to that person" I meant have sex with them.

>Do you love Kino or the idea of someone like Kino?

I love Kino as a character and as an idea. not sure I'm making sense here…

I mean, I acknowledge that Kino is Kino, no matter how ambiguous or sometimes but rarely, inconsistent, her description is in the novels are.

She is her own person, but translating this into my life, she's just an idea that I fantasize of being with.

I tried looking for people and even other characters who remind me of Kino so that I can feel closer to her by other means.

But at the end of the day, it doesn't alleviate my longing for her, I'd like to say that I have no interest in real women, but life is unpredictable, and I haven't met all there is to meet, and haven't seen all there is to see.

And, I never said I would give myself up to someone else as a guarantee, but again, in life you never really know what might happen.

>Could you really give yourself to someone else if your heart won't truly be there?

I think I answered this above as well.

>>61927

> is in the novels are

fuck my grammar..

>>61917

>Not all people may crave physical contact but we are human beings and we crave social interaction to some extent, and most of us crave a significant other, it is in our DNA.

I don't think you should take this for granted, not all people necessarily crave social interaction at all.

I for example can go weeks without talking to anyone else and feel completely fine. I can enjoy social interaction but only for a certain amount of time before I become anxious and uncomfortable, and I've never really had much interest in persuing a significant other, partially because I lack an attraction to 3D women, partially because I would rather spend time on my hobbies and interests than on trying to find a partner, and most significantly because I prefer being alone in general.

I fell in love with my waifu because just imagining being with her gave, and 3 years later still does give me more intense emotions than I ever felt spending time with real people, and since I don't have to imagine being with her all the time I don't get burnt out like I do from real social interaction.

Most people aren't like this obviously, but I feel like the ones who are would be the type to maintain long term waifuism. Since they wouldn't really feel the need for physical interaction and would be able to fall in love with their waifu via consuming the source material rather than interacting with them.

Essentially, I would say most waifuists who don't become depressed are likely extreme introverts or high functioning autistic people like myself who are more comfortable being alone most of the time, and that for such people a waifu provides many of the emotional benefits of a real partner without the anxiety and stress these people would experiance in a real relationship.

>You seem to believe this is bound to happen to waifufags, if I understand you, and I just don't see that. From what I've seen of this in others' 3D relationships, I think it's more about the person and their own social issues than anything.

It is, but what I am saying is the waifu can enhance those social issues due to giving them some sort of satisfaction or "reason to not need to". That may also be why they don't feel like reaching out to urges as more.

>

I believe people can lead fulfilling lives without a significant other, even if they do wish for one. Our DNA predispositions are not a death sentence, at least in this case.

They most certainly can, but most people without one tend to still be seeking them unless they are at a really late age. I know a few that don't but many that do. People can have social lives and a waifu at the same time, but waifufags are known for having lesser social lives. This may also relate to the communities they gather in being online.

>Not all relationships are meant to last, regardless of dimension.

>If you absolutely need her to be physically present, and can't find fulfillment outside of that, I don't see this ever working out. You will just continue to agonize over the impossible.

This hurts. I wish it could last, I wish she were real so it could be truly eternal together. I don't know what to do otherwise. It feels like my heart is being stabbed and my guts twisted, my world sinking into a sea of despair.

>Do people see their waifus as replacements for social relationships in general?

I feel like a few do to that extent, and most do slightly/subconsciously

>How long did those relationships last, on average?

As I have said before, 3 years.

>How do you think they might deal with it?

Every situation is different, but I know they are all introverted to some degree.

>>61927

>Nothing is permanent in this transient world, people have feelings, no matter how strong, those feelings dissipate. Anything can happen in life, you can have hateful resentful feelings towards some one in a moment, and be alright with them the next.

Why does the lack of permanence depress me so much? I just want to love her more but everything without her feels so empty…

>>61932

Out of curiosity, how old are you? Age and living situation are also influences on social desires and wedding desires.

>Autism

That also is a factor I have been thinking about. Not autism itself but something related to it: A potential inability to distinguish fantasy from reality. And I don't mean "I know she isn't real" but fully understanding what that means and what being fictional means. Sometimes I don't know if I fully understand this myself, and am hurt by feeling this lack of knowledge. This lack of understanding anything and everything. I feel so empty and null. I just want her, my angel, my love, here with me. Then maybe I would be a lot better off…is that just cognative thinking? I don't know anything anymore…

>>61954

>Why does the lack of permanence depress me so much? I just want to love her more but everything without her feels so empty…

If it helps,.. being constantly reminded of it can make a person alright with it / numb.. or in some cases breakdown..

I almost killed myself for something somewhat similar 14 years ago

>>61954

>Out of curiosity, how old are you?

23.

>That also is a factor I have been thinking about. Not autism itself but something related to it: A potential inability to distinguish fantasy from reality. And I don't mean "I know she isn't real" but fully understanding what that means and what being fictional means.

Are you saying you have that issue, or that people who don't get depressed about their waifu not being real have it?

This is armchair psychology so take it with a grain of salt, but it seems to me like your emotional issues with waifuism either stem from straight up clinical depression, which gets in the way of any positive emotions, or that you have a bias towards thinking fictional relationships are inherently wrong or at least worse than real ones, which prevents you from feeling postive emotions about your waifu due to a subconsiously self imposed feeling of guilt or inadequecy.

Do either of those sound reasonable or am I missing the mark?

>>61964

To be fair it was me ( the guy who posted >>61932 and >>61962 )

who brought up the possibility of some waifuists being autistic, so I don't think that guy is saying that all non-depressed waifuists are autistic.

Just to clarify, I think autism can be a contributing factor in why someone might become a waifuist and not become depressed, I don't think all or most waifuists are autistic, but there are definitely some that are.

I was also specifically talking about high functioning forms of autism like Asperger's Syndrome which manifest mostly as introversion and social awkwardness while causing few to no cognative deficits.

>>62007

>misconceptions

Like which ones? I see just a bunch of fake people with fake-ass "waifus" bitching over being banned on a board that wasn't meant for them.