/lit/ - Literature★

I can't be arsed to read space "sci-fi" that both is dull from then start and doesn't try to be plausible. Actual real human beans doing heavy cargo lifting? Is there a warehouse workers union that demands centrifugal gravity in the docking areas just so the workers have something to do? All that rotation must be horrible strain for the docking apparatus too.

If you want to write about a trucker's boring life, you could use a more down to earth setting.

>>13741

Well thanks for giving it a look at least. The idea was that these were small private deliveries rather than massive cargo hauls. The trucker guy is a private contractor and not a main character. His main purpose was to get his ship stolen. All docking areas have basic lighting and breathable air, then there's an elevator that skips over automated uninhabited levels where there would be robot-filled warehouses etc, and goes into the plaza areas. The docking areas have gravity because the rest of the station does.

>>13742

In terms of gravity, it's not centrifugal, it's the Star Wars type. Perhaps they found a way to use gravitons to artifically create a small downwards force.

>>13743

I was giving you the benefit of doubt that this wasn't another post-television space adventure where people inexplicably act like they are on a film set, expect without the audio-visual experience.

>>13744

If you want old-school space adventuring you can’t go wrong with the Skylark series. That shit’s great.

Sally seems quite low-tech, much like a basic Alexa tube. Wouldn't they have designed user voice recognition by then? (Maybe I had not noticed the hijacker stealing some kind of voice mimicking device??) What about making Sally a hologram? She could be a hologram with big boobs. Also under the pilot's dashboard there could be a rubber tentacle like the attachment of a vacuum cleaner and Troy could say 'Sally, I'm on biological urge suppressants: tell me what level my bladder biometrics are at' (on long freight trips under tight deadlines, space truckers might not want to take frequent pee breaks because CCTV could report them as being inattentive at the wheel). She might say "ninety-four point naught five percent capacity, Captain" and Troy'd be like "That's nearly a full bladder again. Care to do something about that or do you not give a cr*p about this vessel and its mission; forcing me to get up to go pee for the third time since leaving the spacedock while under the surveillance of Greenland Drone Corp?" giving an eye to the inward-facing dash cam for emphasis. "I thought you knew I had this medical condition, Sal". Then Sally's rubber tentacle; seeming reluctant, could grab an empty bottle from under the dash and hold it in place for Troy to hands-free pee in as Troy says 'That's my girl' and grabs a bottle of water from the passenger seat and squeezes the entire contents down his neck (aka slams it) then discards it under the dash along with half a dozen other empty bottles.

I think you said he's a minor character so that'd be a way to make him memorable as 'That Guy'. It would show what a scumbag he is and make people glad when the lady pistols whips the bastard's skull.

I only gave the story a skim but I think I'll come back to it. I could probably give more helpful suggestions but it's getting late. I'll say that it's pretty good that you can commit thought into a story arc (even if only for several pages), a process which would burn the enthusiasm for writing out of a lot of people, though you probably already know this. If you can keep it up I think the only thing you can do is improve. People should be thanking you for posting the story rather than the other way around. That's not sarcasm either.

>>13747

Sally is very low tech, basically done as comic relief and as a way of showing how shit the voice control gimmick currently is. No voice recognition. The world of the story itself is pretty low-tech. No laser weapons, teleportation etc. The whole pee break idea was fucking great though, had me laughing. The lady that attacks him is one of the main characters, but I wanted her to come off as kind of an asshole, because I wanted the Brian character to hate her.

The story's pretty rushed and I'm struggling to continue, but thanks for the feedback, I can definitely put in some tweaks in the prologue.