>>20601
If I assume you're cisgender, your story is interesting and kind of funny because, in all honestly, many males experience similar feelings.
Switching the genders, doesn't this sound familiar?
> my lonely sperg self often thinks that when a (fe)male goes out of h(er) way to interact with me that it may be because (s)he would like to start a (relation)ship with me.
> I get this intense disgust feeling all throughout my body.
> I feel like a disgusting slut who is unable to truly love others again
These sound, to me, similar to the regret or guilt that some males sometimes experience after masturbating to some kinds of porn. I think it could relate to the amount of oxytocin that kicks in after orgasm. Most porn doesn't have love in it. Furthermore, it's an emotion foreign to the older stereotypical social expectations and self-image of masculinity. Challenging those threatens a lone cisgender heterosexual male to be ostracized socially and sexually and to crumble their personal identity. I can't speak for all of them or all situations, but I pick up that those unspoken feelings are very common and run deeply. For more, search for talks and articles by Peggy Orenstein and Norah Vincent.
Your description, however, sounds to me as if it's closer to the feeling of being used – because you are receiving it from some guys, though not entirely unsolicited, rather than wanting to imply interest in having sex. It's entirely possible to speak in person about sex in a context of science or hypotheticals that are detached from you that you speak in a manner lacking innuendo that doesn't imply thinking of having it yourself. If you want friendship but not sex from a guy, then look around for guys who don't show signs of being sexually attracted to you in your presence, and initiate contact with them by way of a pretext that is strictly professional and/or definitely not date-like or intimate. If your story has anything to do with online dating, I don't think I'll be much help.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug, though, and can quickly cloud stimulated behavior. Whichever proportions of sex hormones one grows up with, their noise blurs into normalcy and underestimation. A transanon posted years ago on a different chan recalling their experience with hormone therapy. The difference with and without male levels of testosterone, they slowly noticed, changed their emotions and patterns of thought, which shocked, humbled, and frightened them at its power. I wish I had a screenshot of the post to attach it.
> any way to reverse the effects of what I did?
Of which part? In the heat of the moment, it's damn near impossible to "reverse" the effects. The ideas are already in play; the nuclear genie is out of the bottle; Pandora's box is open.
Destimulation can speed up by distance and distraction, or by something traumatically abhorrent. In the moment, if you don't want to stimulate sexual ideas, then stop it early. Learn to recognize the cues that lead there, and if the guy seems open to stopping, you could act disinterested, change the subject, or explain simply and directly what your intentions are. Body language communicates a lot, too. If he doesn't seem open to stopping, then be firmer and/or say something that would turn him off, or excuse yourself to go somewhere else where he definitely won't be comfortable going. Such distance usually but not always exposes one to being distracted from the stimulation. Dressing in a pantsuit or like his grandmother probably would stop it, too. Nevertheless, sex drive is persistent, so it likely will lead there again in the future unless he has never been sexually attracted to you or was completely turned off, doesn't as often think about having sex (preoccupied or less hormonal), or is able to bottle it while in front of you.
To get better at recognizing other people's emotions and cues at times while you are by yourself, try watching videos about body language, and unusual as this may sound from a cis hetero male try watching josei, shoujo, or slice-of-life anime. They have been an unexpected help to me.
