/girltalk/ - Girl Talk

>>19069

You're gonna need to explain your situation and problems better if you want real advice. Also, ultimatums, especially out of the blue, are more likely to cause problems than solve them. An ultimatum is closer to a weapon of last resort if something is a genuine deal-breaker than a way to gain leverage and make someone do what you want, since ultimatums have a way of making the other person very unhappy and uncomfortable with the relationship. If you really do have problems, you should first try to talk it out reasonably and get it all out there in the open (none of that "hinting" stuff, be direct and blunt and straightforward but say it with a respectful tone of voice and be willing to hear him out and have a real discussion instead of just trying to get what you want).

>>19072

>Sooooooooooooo….. don't?

My current inclination. OP hasn't mentioned anything about how she's dissatisfied with her relationship. The only thing I'm hearing so far is how her friends are shitstirring a mutually loving relationship, which makes me more inclined to suspect OP's friends are the problem than her bf. But we need details to know for sure if there is a legitimate problem (in which case you should listen to your friends) or not (in which case your friends' counsel might be sabotaging your relationship).

>>19074

well the thing is i really like him as a person you know like hes funny and smart and cool but his self centeredness is really getting to me. he basically doesnt do anything for anyone but himself. he doesnt follow through on anything he says hes gonna do and i do a lot for him. hes just on his phone or his computer like 24/7 and i dont need a lot of attention but some attention would be nice. i couldnt even get him to come with me to the art museum and he loves art. he refuses to leave the house. even when he asks me to come over to hang out hes just not present at all. i wouldnt break up with him just because someone told me to but they have a good point and he is taking me for granted. i guess im just sad because i wish it wasnt like that but it is. idk if theres anything i can do about it.

>>19075

That is a real problem, yes, and one that is unlikely to solve itself if you don't do anything. Have you tried talking it out with him already and if so how did it go?

>>19075

Ok, fair enough. Giving him an ultimatum is still shit though. Either break up and tell him the reasons if he cares or talk (not fight) it out with him.

If it were me, I'd go ahead and make other plans. Go out with friends, pick up a hobby, or even spend a night in instead of going to his place to be ignored. Getting away a bit will give you a much better perspective and best case scenario is he realizes his time with you is even more limited and decides to peel himself away from the computer for a while. If after all that the even more limited time you spend with him is the same.. well then you'll need to decide for yourself what should be done I suppose.

All of my advice means nothing of course if you are actually smothering him and he just wants to sit and play for a while. We are only hearing your perspective of course so it's entirely possible. Some girls demand constant attention after all…

If the boy is being selfish, then he already understands life better than anyone else in your circle.

>>19069

> I really really really don't wanna break up with him. What to do??

I have found that the best way to make people do what I want is to make them want to do it.

Every time my gf does something I like, I make sure to notice it and praise her for it.

We have also agreed to let each other know what we want through communication, because frankly, no person can read minds.

Screw your friends or whatever anybody thinks. They aren't involved in your relationship, it's just you and your bf.

If you're happy with how he is right now, then there shouldn't be any problem.

Ultimatums usually only backfire.

>>19605

That's an amazing turn of events, I'm so glad for you!

>>19607

thank you :)

>>19607

>if anyone cares to know what happened, I didn't break up with him!

>>19605

>That's an amazing turn of events, I'm so glad for you!

Yes! Here here! Glad it worked out and especially glad to hear that he listened to your concerns. Do you see now that an ultimatum would have been terrible? Thanks for checking back in and letting us know what happened too.

I know everyone is supposed to hate everyone else right now for having political opinions that are different but it's amazing how many people I know "on the right" (which is mostly just center and center-right people, even some center left!) just put up with differing views as a fact of life vs. how many on this new hysterical left will openly disown friends and loved ones and/or try and ruin their lives over it. Fucking scary cult, I swear. Once you sin you must be excommunicated! Heretic! Shit's fucked.

Anywho, you don't need friends like those, trust me. I dumped half a dozen just like that about 10 yrs ago, including a life-long childhood friend (I still have baby-pics of us together ffs) who went full-on feminazi, and I don't regret it for a millisecond. I just slowly backed away to preserve my own nerves and sanity and never returned. I only feel bad that someone who was once cool af and close as kin turned to the perpetual outrage culture and will likely never be happy again. But my actions are validated every time someone shows me her social media which is never ending Trump impeachment screeching. But I digress…

Not to sound patronizing, but you sound pretty young by the way you type. If so, it's really good that you learned this lesson about backstabbing "friends" early in life even though I'm sure it was a shitshow while it was happening. Don't hate them though, just pity them and be comfy with your bf. Also, don't sweat the small stuff like him wanting an extra hour or two to play vidya because it truly doesn't matter in the end. That's the best advice this old fart can give you. :)