/girltalk/ - Girl Talk

>>18393

I get that there's kids to worry about, but you can still look very sexy in ordinary clothes depending on how you wear them (especially showing the neck and cleavage) or wearing something that's really cute or fits to your curves or something. In the end it's really not just what you do, but who you are that really makes you desired, so wearing something safe all week, but putting effort into being sexy just for one day won't work. It has to be a habit and a seamless part of your character, otherwise it will look kinda like those lame guys that try to be "cool" to impress a girl, when they aren't actually cool 98% of the time.

>I don't know how to pease him. I've tried telling him that I need more direction.

You'll just have to do research on what's cool and cultivate your charm by yourself. Asking him for advice won't work for the same reason a husband asking his wife how to be more manly won't work, it will probably lose the effect if he tells you himself.

>>18393

>go watch the women in action movies

Fuck, he's scum, but the kids need the both of you to stick together. Just how "masculine" is he?

>>18405

He's not scum. I'd say he's quite the opposite. He just isn't able to define femininity, or what qualities of femininity he finds attractive. Or what'd make him happier in bed. He says things very similar to

>>18402

that I have to figure it out myslef. He doesn't want me to be a robot just regurgitating what he tells me.

These things I've written I've heard from countless other wives. It seems to be a common problem that one sex doesn't understand the other.

>the kids need you to stick together

We love each other very mcuh. it's a matter of taking a great marriage and turning it into an amazing one. We'd never leave each other. No matter what.

>How masculine is he?

<How do you define masculinnty and femininity? I believe that's integral to this discussion.

Best way to answer your question is on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is gay, 3 is soyboy, 5 is average, and 10 is max. I'd say 8. Most men are intimidated by him, but he's not a bully. He's fit, strong, confident, intelligent, and successful. He could do anything he puts his mind to. He doesn't care a lick about what other people think of him (except me), but still cares about other people, me and the kids especially.

I don't get offended by his comments or actions. I don't begrudge his alone/relax time. I see this as constructive criticism, an opportunity for growth. I just need to figure out what the solution is and I'm reaching out for advice on that.

What I'm hearing so far is: it needs to be a daily active effort on my appearance and attitude, not 2-3 times a week when I feel like it. I need to want to put effort in every day. And I need to figure out what being feminine means to me.

>>18406

Do the both of you have hobbies? As in separate things, and no not video games.

>>18406

>He just isn't able to define femininity

Then please stick to what you know well to be feminine. He clearly does not, as some hollywood films are definitely not any good examples. Sounds very weak, to me. Really, the only advice I can give you for your bed problems is to just make sure you're doing it to make something. Cheap meaningless sex gets boring, no matter what you do, so you might as well do it, for the sake of having kids. Call me old-fashioned, but that's how they'd do it.

>How can I get the direction from him that I desire so I can satisfy him?

When he gets home from work, answer the door wearing nothing but a collar and a leash.

>>18407

Yes, separate hobbies. When we're not tending to our 5 kids, he writes music, pumps iron and builds stuff - playhouse, bike ramp, etc. I train for marathons (when I'm not preggo, which is always), draw, quilt and write. Been neglecting the last one, but I don't see how that would help my situation. We all need to relax sometimes, and if he wants to play games on the rare occasion, that's fine with me. He's not addicted. We lately have spent evenings winding down studying separate interests online though, hence his comments.

>>18408

I'm pregnant with #6, does that mean I can't have sex until the baby is born?

>>18411

Period causes a rise in sex drive. Doesn't it? As soon as you're back on the cycle it should start you up again.

>>18411

>>18408 absolutely has a point that cheap, meaningless sex does get boring for many people, you cannot build a relationship based on sex and expect it to last for or through a marriage, not that that's what you're doing, but it's still something to take into mind.

I ask about hobbies because a good portion of the time, people nowadays try to build relationships on nothing, except sex of course, which never pans out. I'll admit that 10+ years is a longer time that it would take for such a relationship to fall apart, but you never know. Hobbies are a good thing for personal growth, it helps you be a person more than just a working slub or a banal housewife. They give you something that is your own that you can choose to share with your significant other. Of course in the same instance, you should never overburden yourself with too many other things, that just draws you away from everybody and makes you exhausted.

>>18402 is totally on the ball. You've got to play your part in attraction. Just remember, not too overt, and not too subtle, dependant of course on whatever it is your guy is into.

Drugs. Use responsibly.

>>18393

Alright listen here.

Take his hand and walk him away from his bideo games. Go into the kitchen, squat down and lift up your skirt and piss on the floor.

>>18411

>I'm pregnant with #6, does that mean I can't have sex until the baby is born?

Does it turn you on that he finds you so attractive that he wants as many copies of you in the world as possible? Geez, it sounds like you guys are having plenty of sex.

>>18486

Don't. The last thing you need is fetishism.

>think highly of him

>him: proceeds to start a new vidja game.

maybe its time for you to consider that a man is more than his job, and that you should reconsider what criteria you choose to think highly of a partner

now that you have done that, does your partner fit that crateria

try to not to be to vague like : I want a partner that gets me in the mood … that a good start but go deeper, what does "getting you in the mood" look like

try 2 to 3 different examples as this is a better way to get a general Idea of what you actually like, then tell your husband this is what you want and if your husband doesnt do it then hes shit and you should find a guy that will do it

i mean your husband should at least try, show that he cares

>>18474

fuck that , piss on his video game controller then start using it as a dildo

and tell him you are a naughty girl

Have sex incel

>>20240

I'm pretty sure that would work nicely, after he overcame the fear it was a setup.

>>18393

It's not something wrong with you, its something wrong with him.

Guys are supposed to go after the girls not the girls go after the guys.

Maybe ask him to stop playing video games for a week and just go for walks or play sports or something.

>>18393

>I crave his attention and leadership. Told him this many times, but it doesn't seem to get through, and I don't want to nag.

You went up to him and told him these exact words or did you give him "hints" assuming he'd understand them?

>>20319

He also sounds slightly emasculated. Being a man is not about how muscular you are, or whether you do "manly" things. It also means knowing that you are the leader of the household. Very few men are brought up with this knowledge in mind.

I'm not sure exactly what would be the best way to change him, other than treating him as if he is the way you'd like him to act. Encourage him. Shower him in praise. Look into the Pygmalion effect. It will take time but he should grow into this expectation of him over time. As a woman, I assume you are better at recognising social cues compared to him, so you might be more comfortable with a subtle approach.