No.11954[Last 50 Posts]
She is in my welding class, and has been raising her niece for the last few years. From what she has told me most if not all of her family are either highly disfunctional or dead. I'm getting the impression that she has been forced to step up, and I admire her for it. Tomorrow will be our second time getting lunch together and I think I'm going to ask if I can take her and her niece to the park. Should i keep taking it slow and hopefully build a life with them, or have I just watched Drive too many times and should just run away?
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No.11955
>Asking women whether or not he should consider starting a relationship with a category generally considered damaged goods.
You realize this is like polling prisoners to decide whether or not they should be released?
Anyway, I'm getting mixed signals from what you're saying. You said it's her niece, not her daughter. That's a different situation. That makes her sound responsible and empathetic. That's the first question, is it really her niece or did she give birth to it?
If she's lying and she it's her daughter that's a double-whammy. If it's her niece, personally it wouldn't bother me.
The downside of kids is just the lack of privacy and spontaneity. You can't be nude all day and fuck all throughout the house with a kid around, you have to plan around the child, wait until it's asleep, have a lock on your bedroom, etc. If you're mature enough that this doesn't bother you, I'm not really seeing any downsides here.
The reasons single moms are looked down on is because they're communicating a ton of negative shit through their actions. They're telling you they've already failed dramatically at one relationship and were either unfaithful to their partner or rejected by them. They made an irresponsible decision. Then there's the whole cuckoldry aspect. It sounds selfish to reject on the grounds of "I don't want to raise another man's child" but there are very real, logical, primal reasons for this thinking. Raising children uses resources, if you raise someone else's child you're making yourself subordinate to him, his slave. He's off potentially reproducing again while you're having to slow your entire life down because of his actions.
Other than that the only red flag I see is:
>most if not all of her family are either highly disfunctional or dead.
That shit is hereditary. It's what she's used to. A guy who sees his dad beat his mom is more likely to beat his spouse as an adult. Grow up in a household with a lot of yelling you're more likely to yell. If they're all dysfunctional, she might as well.
But on the other hand she's taking a welding course, and that's both cool and responsible of her, but suggests low confidence on her part. You have to wonder why she's considering that field instead of something like nursing, daycare, etc.
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No.11956
>>11955
Yeah I know, this isnt the only place I have gone for advice. Im just looking for a broad range of opinions. Its her sister's child, she took custody because reasons. I meant "single mom" in the sense that she is single and raising a kid. I know the child will always come first. Im comfortable with that, or at least i think so. I know nothing about this will be easy. My parents split up when I was a baby, I know what it is to be the child of a single mom. On the one hand improving this innocent's life appeals strongly to me. On the other I am terrified of somehow making her life worse, building a relationship with her and then me and her aunt breaking up or something. As to why she is in welding, she used to be a cop, now she works as a corrections officer. Mostly handles admin shit so she isnt exposed to the inmates much, or so she says. Welding is a higher paying field than what she is in. Why she chose that over something like nursing, I dont know yet.
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No.11958
OP here, posting from my desktop now. Aside from being strongly physically attracted to her, the fact that she came from a family full of criminal fuckheads and not only didn't become an addict, but pursued a career in law enforcement makes me think that she understood what was wrong with her surroundings and sought to do something constructive to correct them.
Which may be wishful thinking, admittedly.
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No.11959
>Le damaged goods meme
Fuck whoever started that. People aren't goods.
It's just your second time talking tho. Don't you think you are thinking it too much? Don't just pursue a relationship. You barely know her, you know? You need to get to know her a lot more. Both of you.
You post here tho, so I can safely assume you have some emotional issues and bagagge. If you want to get serious with a person who has had a troubled past… I would consider you to think otherwise.
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No.11962
>>11955
>The reasons single moms are looked down on is because they're communicating a ton of negative shit through their actions. They're telling you they've already failed dramatically at one relationship and were either unfaithful to their partner or rejected by them. They made an irresponsible decision.
Or, you know… The guy was a shit person?
That usually happens. And it's the most common scenario.
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No.11968
>>11962
And it was the woman who chose a shit person to be the father of her child.
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No.11969
>>11968
It's men's biological imperative to fuck as many women as possible. It's women's biological imperative to be as choosy as possibly about who her mate is so she doesn't end up in the aforementioned scenario.
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No.11971
>>11954
>raising your wife's son
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No.11972
>>11955
>You said it's her niece, not her daughter. That's a different situation. That makes her sound responsible and empathetic. That's the first question, is it really her niece or did she give birth to it?
>If she's lying and she it's her daughter that's a double-whammy. If it's her niece, personally it wouldn't bother me.
This anon nailed it.
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No.11974
>>11954
>>11955
Kek imagine OP getting tricked into a relationship with a woman who claimed her daughter is actually her niece, and then he is guilted into staying with her after he finds out because the poor child sees him as her father. Thats some 4D cuckoldry.
The tl;dr about single mothers and raising your wife's son is that you're pretty much sacrificing your own potential children in favor of raising somebody else's. For every one of your wife's sons that you raise, you don't raise one of your own.
I don't see how it can be seen as selfish to not sacrifice your own children to raise another man's genes.
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No.11975
>>11974
Mind you it would be acceptable if both a man and women had children from a previous marriage and got together as a family.
By acceptable I mean in the scope of a post modern decedent society.
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No.11978
>>11959
Yeah, like I said in my 1st post if I do pursue a relationship I'm going to take it slow. I have no interest in a one night stand. I mean, I'll take it but its not something I want. Also, I've never posted here before but fair enough. I'm not perfect.
>>11972
>>11974
She know's a friend of mine who is still working as a cop. He can probably help me find out if she's telling the truth about the niece or daughter thing. Come on though, anon I'm on 8ch I know what a cuck is.
And this is honestly not a conversation I ever thought I'd be having. I'm hoping that her choosing to raise her niece rather than see the girl go into foster care, her attempt at a police career, her willingness to try her hand in a difficult trade to provide for her niece, are signs that she's somehow not as fucked up and whorish as so many women seem to be today.
Could I be wrong? Yeah. Would helping her raise her niece be cucky? Maybe.
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No.11983
>>11962
>And it's the most common scenario.
(((most common scenario)))
<most common scenario
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No.11985
If you're asking this question before you have even asked whether you can live with her, you might be desperate. I could be wrong, and it it might be nice to assume that just because she has admirable qualities that you might've found someone you can build a life together with, but it's ultimately more complicated than that.
Take it slow and keep asking yourself how you really feel. If she wants to take it fast, despite not even knowing you, I'd run away. That's the red flag. I mean unless you both feel a connection and then I'd step back and ask whether it's lust or love. What does she see in you? What do you see in her? What happens when you become closer and start getting to know all of those quirks?
And tbh don't worry about retards bitching about cuckoldry. Technically you'd both be cucks, I guess. One big cuck family. CUCKCUCKCUCK XDDDDDDDddddddddd.
All /pol/ wants to talk about is the nuclear family and keep holding out for someone who they think will live happily ever after with them. Truth is even if you've found someone special relationships don't work on cruise control.
Finding a truly good person who you can live with, where it just werks (realistically: sometimes it might be rocky), is nothing to be ashamed of. Being so desperate that you provide the means for someone else's "prodigy" despite the other not being good for you, all because you overly value a relationship and not don't want to be alone, is the real pathetic path.
In the age of individualism, you might've found someone special. You might be crushed. Whatever happens, happens.
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No.11987
>>11985
"Good" being the good that turns you both into the "best" versions of yourselves, hopefully for as long as possible. If you understand that.
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No.11990
>>11985
Kinda hit the nail on the head.
Think with your head, not your dick OP.
Also- on dates with her, see how often she plays the woe-is-me card.
I got chatting to some girl the other day, and she did not stop about every fucking tragedy in her life.
Smokes medicinal weed for joint issues, the dad of her kid is in prison and knocked her around, she gets visited nearly every other day by officials to make sure the kid is OK- having an absent father and needing to smoke weed is two strikes against her, they make money giving the kids up for adoption, so it's basically the state stealing kids-
Even if it was all true- I don't want someone else's drama on my plate. And more to the point, it screams of "please take me on and support me- I can't handle it".
Now if you're Richy Rich and you want to sweep up some poor girl from the gutter- with all her baggage- that's your call.
Otherwise, it's a red flag.
However, judging by how you describe her OP, I doubt it'll happen. If anything, she may clam up about issues that do bother her to give the impression she can handle it (since no one in her family could and she had to do it herself).
If you want to handle someone else's drama because you like her- go for it. Sure love & lust are thin fucking lines (both chemical process that affect your mind and make you happy), but as long as she isn't an anchor or using you, go for it.
But never- ever- go into a relationship with the goal to "fix" the other person. Like who they are now or it will not work.
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No.11996
Don’t do it. You need to find a proper marriageable woman.
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No.12003
>All these guys posting
/girltalk/, ladies and gentlemen…
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No.12008
>>11985
I guess I should have been clearer. I'm not about to propose to her or anything. When I said "strongly considering a relationship" I meant getting to know eachother, taking things slow. She doesn't seem to want to take it fast. We've just gone out to lunch a couple times and we talk a bit via text or phone when we have time.
We both have pretty busy schedules so thats another hurdle.
>>11990
She has been pretty open about her family troubles, but I haven't gotten the impression that she's looking for my pity or anything like that. If that makes any sense. I'm not looking for someone to fix. Just weighing fact that she has her niece to care for against the possibility of us having something special. Maybe that in itself is the answer.
>>12003
Sorry miss.
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No.12014
>>12008
Just to add on what everyone has mentioned before: Don't go full desperato-mode. Do take things slow.
And it's nice she is direct about that. Because some things are better off said at first, even if you guys won't end up dating.
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No.12016
>>12003
I know that feeling, anon. On top of that every year seems shorter.
Don't worry about what /pol/ says. There is absolutely no problem with your scenario.
You don't seem like you need advice, really.
>>12003
Can we not talk about relationshit here?
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No.12020
>>12016
I think OP wanted female input, if he wanted advice from dudes he could have just posted the same thread everywhere else, wouldn't he? Don't quote me on that tho.
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No.12023
>>12020
Yes, that is true. He could go to /b/ if he wanted to get 400 posts of the "damaged goods" meme. You wanted this place to be neutral, so I try and give my unironic opinions. Create /relationshit/ already.
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No.12024
>>12023
Well, if you keep it neutral I guess it's fine.
It's just that 8chan posters have a penchant for being echo chambers. Look at /9k/ or /pol/ and you will see what I mean. Just people agreeing with each other and their views, and whoever disagrees is a "normie", "cuck", "shill", "jew" (Who even uses these words unironically anyway)
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No.12035
>>12016
That webm got me right in the feels.
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No.12038
>>11969
Unless you're talking about people who evolved in a place where you don't need to plan ahead for winters and food is easily found everywhere, your pseudoscience is invalid.
Europeans have always made massive parental investment in their children. Our ancestors didn't roam around the frozen tundra fucking random bitches and then running off. We'd be long extinct if that were the case.
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No.12097
Oldfag here,
Op don't do it. Had a few good friends had their lives destroyed this way. They never listen, they resent any wise counsel from friends/family and in the end they end up like my friends, ruined. One is suicidal now. Don't fucking do it, I don't care of most of the women out there are single parents don't fucking do it, stay single and get prostitutes/escorts if you have to. It's not fucking worth it.
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No.12099
>>11974
Who cares, one big rule about life no one likes to talk about, it's unfair, brutal and for many of us short. The problems of others, especially their children are not our own, if they die in the street so be it. Who made the choice to breed? Who is the ultimate gatekeeper of life? Even if the man is a shithead who spread her legs?
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No.12100
>>11985
Google abortion laws in germany, easier to get one in Texas than there. In Bavaria especially Catholicism keeps a tight reign on family values. Sadly for most of us in the anglosphere we have shit laws, so really it's not so much /pol argues for the nuclear family, it's more like lets keep trump in power, embolden the alt right and when the time is right kill as many leftist as possible, women and children included. Take a real good look at /pol, not exactly a place of stable individuals..
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No.12101
>>12100
link
https://www.angloinfo.com/how-to/germany/healthcare/pregnancy-birth/termination-abortion
OP, keep in mind people in general are trash, especially here. We have a mongrel filip getting arrested at Berkley and will most likely be out on bail again in defience of CA state laws. Above all else think what's in it for you. You're a god damn fool if you think everyone else isn't thinking the same, especially a great majority of women in the states. When the laws are stacked in your favor you are a lot more likely to take advantage of it, fact of life.
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No.12112
>>12097
Go eat your porridge, old man.
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No.12117
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No.12121
One other thing. I'm a quarter jewish. I dont think I even want kids of my own. So theres that.
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No.12122
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No.12145
>>12112
>>12117
Ohhhh butthurt
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No.12147
>>12145
No one's asshurt. The fact that you're defending his cringe worthy, five posts in a row bullshit (complete with the unironic le joker meme *tips fedora*) is anyone's guess. But, you're probably a cringeworthy faggot like him too.
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No.12150
>>11990
You were chatting to some random girl you bumped into? Or someone you knew?
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No.12151
>>12117
What are you so asshurt about, Anonkun?
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No.12157
>>12147
Just cause l look cute in panties and have banged more wealthy bankers than u doesn't mean u hab to me meeeaaan ;_;
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No.12213
>>11954
Forget this old ass hoe. Talk about this cunny you keep alluding to.
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No.12356
>>11962
>I let a shit person cum in my vagina
>this does not reflect on me at all
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No.12362
>>12356
>All the fault is on me, not on the shitty guy
Some people is dumb and fall for shitty tricks.
But then again you are right. You cannot open up that much. It's all about self-control. You can't fuck with someone you have just dated for like 3 months or so. But what if it was a 5-6 years relationship, and then things went shitty?
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No.14957
Did OP take the qt out yet?
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No.15124
>>11985
>Take it slow and keep asking yourself how you really feel. If she wants to take it fast, despite not even knowing you, I'd run away.
This is a good point. A self-starter is likely to prefer life in the fast lane.
>>12097
>Had a few good friends had their lives destroyed this way. They never listen, they resent any wise counsel from friends/family and in the end they end up like my friends, ruined. One is suicidal now.
How does settling down with a single mom make a man suicidal? Because she's an insecure wreck? Women who have gotten an abortion are much more likely to sabotage their relationships with men, as well as to keep future unplanned pregnancies.
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No.17856
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No.17891
>>12362
How the hell do you date someone for 5-6 years, be okay, and then "all of a sudden" have things turn south? No, no, no. No way you could have known unless… you were just ignoring what you needed to pay attention to.
The both of you obviously were incompatible from the start and were able to tolerate each other for 5-6 years.
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No.17893
>>12100
Today in /leftypol/ doesn't understand:
>Google abortion laws in germany, easier to get one in Texas than there
It's almost like those burgers have a constitutional president or something. Isn't prostitution perfectly legal in Bavaria?
>In Bavaria especially Catholicism keeps a tight reign on family values
Take a look t the actual statistics on the matter and you'll discover that the significant majority of those "Catholics" are in favor of legalizing most/all forms of abortion. Protestants, namely Lutherans, are another story, however.
>sadly for most of us in the anglosphere we have shit laws
If by "best" you mean "most liberal", then you simply don't know what you're talking about.
>/pol/ argues for the nuclear family
R-selection works to.
>it's more like lets keep trump in power
It'd be more accurately say that we're keeping other, more immediately undesirable people out of power. Trump is just the buttplug we have to work with.
>embolden the alt right
Nobody likes the aut-kike and their implicit homosexual agenda, /pol/ least of all. They're a liability.
>not exactly a place of stable individuals
Being a stable member of a fundamentally unstable society is not a virtue. We have no effective political representation, and so it is in our best interests to facilitate as much chaos as possible to disrupt the established neo-liberal political dialectic in order to create opportunities that would otherwise be impossible.
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No.17894
>>12100
Also..
>when the time is right kill as many leftist as possible, women and children included
We've got to scare off /r/The_Donald somehow.
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No.17895
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No.17899
>>17893
*precedent
Fuck you auto-correct.
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No.17907
>>17893
>replying to an 8 month old post
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No.17908
>>17907
>posting on a dead bort
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No.17911
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No.17935
>>17907
Niggers throw off those statistics.
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