I'm losing it, /fit/, i'm actually losing it. I thought that i could deal with those feelings on my own, or that they are normal, but it's clear to me that i'm sinking lower and lower. I came back home from the capital where i'm studying and wherever i look, i just see myself when i was a child overlayed on top of the grim reality. I can only think about how bad everything is now, and then i think that by all definitions i'm still a kid/young adult and that things are only going to get worse.
I have no hobbies left. I used to lift, to play in a band, to read, to go out with friends and atleast i'd like to think that i was an ok person to be around. Now all time at uni i spend it either eating the cheapest food i can get my hands on, either at laboratories, either in my dorm listening to folk and nationalist music from my region and thinking about home. Now that i'm home i spend all time at the computer, i refuse to go out and see my little city because i have countless memories scattered everywhere, nearly all of them with friends that i lost forever to the capital and the passage of time. I refuse to eat, i sleep 4 hours every night if even that since i try to avoid sleep as much as possible and i haven't opened one fucking book since i'm home, neither for me, nor for school. I don't want to go back there, but i know i'll be just as sad if i stay home.
>Tfw i'm afraid to sleep because sleeping makes time go faster
>Tfw i'm the only one in my family that's not top of the class or that's not an acclaimed engineer or doctor
>Tfw i realise the happiest i've ever been was when i was hearding goats at 8 years old on the valley
I'm tired of being like this. What the fuck do i do