I'm banned from /r9k/ right now and this is the closest thing I can find. I use /r9k/ to vent whatever I'm thinking or feeling out into the void, because it's essentially private regardless of whether or not I share it, because it's anonymous. Whether I can't it or not, it will never be associated with me.
I've come to the conclusion that this is a simulation designed to teach me a lesson. I was not grateful in my real life for the things I had, so I was strapped into this simulation under the threat of all my territory and possessions being forcefully seized from me. This simulation is structured to start by giving me a taste of what I had, and end by taking it all away from me, leaving me with nothing, teaching me a lesson.
I get my guns back within two months, and when I do, I'm going to fuck off into the forest and kill myself. I've learned my lesson, and faced with the choice between that and sticking around to see what I can do in this while I'm here, I'd rather just fuck off and return to my real life.
Song that's been playing in my head as I contemplate all this: https://youtu.be/CbZjwid9FHs