>>845193
You have to want to change your life for the better. All of us are sinners, we are lucky to keep our nose clean, because we certainly have the capacity to fail. We are all capable of "letting it all hang out."
Living as a functioning member of society is a matter of internal warfare. It's hard, because from what you say you've lacked positive role models. There is nothing easy about living in society; we Christians are so bad at social living that we spend our quiet moments in prayer, asking God fervently for everything to work out, even just a bit. We believe that prayer is necessary because nobody knows what will happen tomorrow, only God.
People may object to my characterization of Christians as bad at social living, but sin is the condition of being bad at social living. So I rest my case.
You need to turn this around, and you can turn it around; in life everything is permitted, but only some things are beneficial. You need to learn what is beneficial, and do that. I doubt telling you about the Bible is going to help at this stage; it will all sound crazy if you don't have the right mindset. The right mindset is believing that your life can change for the better, and that God rewards those that earnestly seek him. You never said you wanted either to know God, or improve your life.