18yo and health failing

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File: 5a4a3c92f1c144e⋯.jpg (52.7 KB, 690x518, 345:259, help.jpg)

18yo and health failing Christanon 05/30/19 (Thu) 16:53:01 bb19d8 No.810704

I have had a long history of falling back into grievous sin and finding some form of relief by often literally crying out for a shred of dignity, seeing as I have a particularly high affinity for penance and disgust at the sheer imperfection and indignity of the world, especially as I am so imperfect myself. this is part of the nature of my relationship with God.

Whenever I have fallen ill of recieved some medical problem, I have interpreted it as a signal to change the error my ways. I've already started balding, another show of mortality I suppose, but the fact remains my hardships and thus punishments are numerous, but my sin remains far greater. I have many uncertainties and doubts in my thoughts and decisions, where to stand as a Christian on certain things, and I don't mean politics or anything, just things like whether my love for secular stuff like old violent movies or electronic music can ever be almost a little justified. All this I feel adds to my stress and thus medical troubles, as well as a slight feeling of despair in unworthiness. I'm uncertain how far I should take my religion and suffering as a result of it, knowing I should lay it all out for God and ideally should just go to a monastery right now and pray until I drop.

I am sitting here now, unable to walk because I broke my ankle years ago and it's just now acting up, unable to relax because my face is a little numb and I don't knoe why, and unable to put it aside because my heart literally feels like I'm having a mild heart attack. This has been happening all day. Often times, I get a severe allergic reaction flare up from something and I have no idea what it is. I went to get checked for testicular cancer last week after suffering a great pain in my testes, it was inconclusive. I may sound like a hypochondriac, but from what I understand of my own beliefs, health doesn't even become me. I do deserve this. This is why I fear for my life.

I am bothering you with this story partially because I'm totally wound up with anxiety and restlessness from it all, so much so that my prayers are affected, but also because I wonder what my next action should be, and if I truly should double down on the spiritu remedying of the situation as opposed to looking into merely the medical. I need to know the general church sentiment towards God given penance in such forms, relevant prayers, cases, etcetera. I need to have someone Christian interpret this and see if I should be truly at fault. Sorry for the long winded story, and I really don't feel justified in saying this at all, but please pray for me bros. I'll do the same

TL;DR My health is failing early into my life and I do not know how to proceed, am afraid

Christanon 05/30/19 (Thu) 17:23:46 56c7a6 No.810707

>>810704

You're a hypochondriac & you suffer from scrupulosity. Religion is not supposed to bring greater misery. Undoubtedly the heaviness in your chest is anxiety, you're 18, not 58, so there's zero legitimate reason to believe it's heart attack. Thinking about being 18, you are fresh off the hormone glut that was keeping your hairs in place, you will loose them slowly but surely for the rest of your life, your genetics determines how fast, just don't smoke and you'll keep them for another 15 or 20 years. Thirdly you probably only had a mild case of testicular torsion (i.e. no cancer, only you got them tangled up, and that just happens occasionally).

Sorry about the inflamed ankle. As for the rest of it, I pray you're just being a hormonal 18yo, because the other choice is going to see a shrink and talking about Freud's infatuation with his member.

Also consider the impact of low blood sugar on your mental state, and then go eat something if necessary.

>t. was 18 once

Christanon 05/31/19 (Fri) 07:55:00 b83d79 No.810845

File: 21ed58b102fbdf4⋯.png (706.14 KB, 500x735, 100:147, ClipboardImage.png)

OP, I hope you heal in good time and I will pray for your healing, may God in his will find pleasure in restoring your physical stature.

But I thank God and you should too, if the guilt you're feeling is genuine and that of contrition, meaning you feel bad because you've repeatedly violated God's laws. Guilt is a very good thing, and the Holy Spirit works it in different varying ways within us all. What you now need is a place to rest your burden and your stress, which religion or your works cannot provide.

Let your weariness, your weaknesses, your sin and your guilt lead you to the Cross of Jesus Christ, and he will relieve you and of all your stress and your burdens. Pray to Him, reconcile with God and ask for forgiveness, repent from your sin and turn away from your old lifestyle no matter what how much you like it, because trust me you're never going to get peace if you keep trying to balance God and your desires in your life.

>Electronic Music

Music is fine as long as you don't treat it with higher authority than the word of God and you don't fill your mind with modern nonsense. If you want some good Christian Electronic Music, might I recommend Beautiful Eulogy? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlPq24GFJhs)

>Violent Movies

This is a no-no, you can't engage in violent media if you want to seek an earnest relationship with Christ who hates such. Do your best to replace it with something else that can take up your time and not be as dangerous for the mind. Read the Word when you have to, and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance.

Rejoice OP! For in your pain and suffering you have the chance to discover Christ the way none of us might ever will. Now is your chance to make all those hardships count for something with God, who will provide strength in your hours of need and comfort you when you need. You have the opportunity to receive God's wonderful sufficient GRACE that is a comforting ever flowing river. Just like Paul did when he was struck with a thorn in the flesh and just like Martin Luther did when he suffered multiple cases of guilt and torment that drove him mad towards the cross. Have faith in Jesus my friend and I promise you will be greatly rewarded.

Christanon 05/31/19 (Fri) 11:04:09 f66e73 No.810872

>electronic music

To me, the feeling I get when listening to Power Metal are the most clear proof of the fact that we're not just matter arranged together going through the universe in a deterministic way. Enjoying music, feeling it, just shows you have a soul.

>violent movies

Nothing wrong with enjoying a good adrenaline rush. Violence on itself it's not necessarily bad. Someone attacks you? Yes, turn your face and offer the other cheek. Someone attacks your neighbor? Don't you dare turn your face. Make sure the price of attacking your neighbor is so great no one's willing to pay it. Christians shouldn't enjoy biting, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have teeth. Enjoying an action film or a videogame is normal and healthy, as long as it's not escapism to avoid acting on the real world.

Personally, I think this anon >>810707 nailed it. I'll add that Christianity should make you happy. If it makes you miserable, you're doing something wrong. Maybe just accept that you're weak and worthless, stop trying to be strong on your own and let God instead give you strength. So chill, try to enjoy life (before you know it you'll be 22), and try to not worry too much. Love Christ sincerely; that's the best guide you can have. Remember that you regret more the things you didn't do because of cowardice than the mistakes you made.

And I hope your ankle will get better. Cheers.