>>803072
if your issue really is with knowing whether or not it is true, I can give you all the public evidence that God exists, and Christianity is true you want. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0iDNLxmWVM This one is always a good start.
But what you said doesn't seem to be a problem of truth, but a problem of God. Understand, God is the God, not you, he knows every suffering he has allowed to come your way, and allowed it anyways. Why do you think he did that? I'll tell you why, it is for your benefit. There is no truth without suffering, and it is by suffering that we come to learn the truth. Why do you think it is after natural disasters, in darkened times, and in the poor we see all the more [!] people converting to Christianity? It is because they have suffered, and for it, they came to see the truth. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Whatever evil you think God caused, know he died crucified with his hands nailed to a cross, beat and tortured. If you wished death on him, he has already died, and he died for you.
Repent, and I mean it, actually repent because whether you understand it right now or not, God truly does deserve an apology from you for your failures, hypocrisies, and crookedness. Repent, and try not to fail. Seek and you will find, I did. I found both public intellectual evidence, and eventually private confirmation.