/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

>>739471

>Sometimes, I do not feel God's love

>do not feel God's love

>feel

I FOUND THE PROBLEM!!

I actually know those feels, anon. My upbringing has left me with trust issues, which translate into my "feelings" that God will betray me, too. They're feelings, they're a response to a corrupted internal dialogue about often erroneous facts, impressions and extrapolations based on actual facts. People too often misuse the word "faith" – "have faith, anon" and "faith will lead the way" – until it's a wishy-washy word of little meaning, but it's actually one of the most powerfully solid words in the Christian's lexicon. Don't just have "faith", have faith IN God. This means more than just trust. BELIEVE in God, in God's faithfulness, in God's goodness, in God's trustworthiness, in God's LOVE … not because you can see them, not because you can "feel" them, not because you can divine them from the temperature of the air or some other measurement … but because God Himself testifies – via the Bible, written by men inspired by the very Spirit of God – to His goodness, His faithfulness, His trustworthiness, His love, HAVE FAITH in who God says He is. Do not trust your feelings because aside from being corrupted by your sin, they're influenced by the enemy of God, and are rooting their conclusions in biased and imperfect data.

How do I believe in God? Firstly, become a Christian, if you're not already. Then, READ the scriptures, daily. Spent as long as you can, read them on the train, on the bus, in the very earliest hours of the morning before you actually "get up". Practice this and you will develop a habit, and from a habit will come a change in character, and from a change in character, a change in actions, and soon you will come to realise that your feelings have little of import to say on the matter of God's love. God doesn't love you like your mother did(n't), by giving you a hug each day, His love is in sacrificing His own son for your sake. Meditate on that daily. NEVER underestimate the power of the gospel, for within it is the power of salvation itself.

Pray. Pour our your heart to God, for you do not lack for a patient listener. Don't waste each others' time with meaningless chatter, but pour out your heart, confide in Him, beg Him to make your heart anew. And do it every day. Don't fail, even if it is only the Lord's Prayer once in the morning. It will reset your day, believe me. Then be patient.

Thirdly, and finally, ENDURE. In the New Testament, you will often read about "patience" – what it means is "endure". This is the hardest part in some ways because it simply says "suffer the tortures of your mind lying to you, believe in God, but just live with the pain of that relationship not yet being complete". And it isn't. As Paul himself writes, we look on God, on His love, His goodness and so on, as though through a dim mirror, the barest whisper of a reflection of God, YET we were made to experience Him fully. What agony is the human condition that, I will suggest, even Angels don't envy us our later higher position because we had to endure this life.

Postscriptly, look to Christ. Imitate Christ. He was cut-off, in the same way we are, from the explicit love of God, He suffered insults, tortures and death at the hands of men that should have known to worship at His feet. But He, being their co-author, was immersed in the scriptures, He knew the love of God not because He could see it, not because He knew Himself as God – fully human, too, remember – but because He trusted God's own words. By faith, he knew who His Father was, He knew He was loved, He knew His father could be trusted.

Post-postscriptly, know that the Lord Himself has put you on this path. Your parents' untrustworthiness will be a blessing from God on your life, because it will produce in you – if you will work on it – a rock solid faith that can endure much, that others will marvel at. Make sure to understand, when Paul talks about people being given "the gift of faith", he's not just talking about people who woke up one morning and just believed and trusted God, he's talking about people like you and I who have had to ENDURE this life, and with each sling and arrow, learned to trust God more than most people will know. Maybe one day you'll learn to see that. But, for now, I strongly encourage you: read the scriptures, pray to God, meditate on the Gospel, on Christ, and endure.

God bless you, brother.

>>739471

https://www.youtube.com/user/ihopkc/live

>>739476

I talk to my parents all the time. I help them do all kinds of choirs in their home without compliant. As we speak, I am fixing my dad's mp3 player. I do not argue with my parents or get emotional toward them. I am the mature one, even though they are around 80. I know what they did wasn't my fault. It is painful that when I was younger, I felt like I missed opportunities or relationships failed because I was a nervous wreck as a result of their violence. So I definitely felt resentment, and I do a little now, but not very much. I think to focus on the positive, which is that I became a very disciplined person and a good student. I thought as a child, these things would help me have a better, independent life. People remark on how hard working I am. I have also studied stoicism to control my emotions, and people remark on how calm I am outwardly. They aren't aware that I am in turmoil at times inside.

My goal is to just not fall into despair or insanity, and when I feel these feelings, I see this abyss taking me over.

>>739936

I do not know why my parents were violent to one another. I have tried talking to them about it countless times in my life, but they deny it. As a child, this made me feel insane because they'd deny it instantly after it happened. They enjoy their lives, watching TV, living in luxury, not having any worries, but of course they complain constantly about minor things. They see no reason to do the difficult work of facing themselves and improving themselves. They are not reflective people. They are around 80 and they never changed in my life, beyond mellowing a little due to old age. They likely will not. It would take something huge, and time, but I don't think they have time.

If something serious happened, like someone in the family committed suicide, they became homeless, etc., I think they would completely shatter and probably never rebuild at this stage in their lives.

>>739971

I have found stoicism to help me. I've just read stoic works, and incorporated parts that I think are useful into my thinking. It has made me a more calm person.

>>740128

I feel more in tune with hermatic monks, or the desert fathers. I do drawings, which could be called works. But I think I'm more a meditative person

>>740328

>I have found stoicism to help me

No, no, no, sorry, maybe I stuttered: I said CHRIST not some made-up grin-and-bear-it Greco-Roman philosophical cult

Endurance is not stoicism. Stoicism says "Eh, life's shit. But the secret to happiness is not caring about that." Endurance says, "God is sovereign. He controls all. I know that whatever I am suffering is for His glory and my good." Come on, anon. Cling to Christ, not to silliness.

>>739476

>>739645

this, although OP I haven't forgiven my parents yet in real life but in my heart I do. They used to beat me as a kid for bad grades and playing vidya (vidya is my escapism), and bad grades have gotten worse and worse since.

OP here. I had some thoughts about what has led me away from God in my life, and what was connected me to him. I think in my upbringing, religion/God/spirituality was about going to church. That was seen as the most important action. It didn't make sense to me as a child. I think in looking back at my life thus far, the following led to spiritual crisis:

>My parents were not good role models:

I would see my parents go to church and pretend to be good people. My father was also very helpful to his friends, and they would constantly praise what a good man he was. As an adult, I understand now that people can go to church or be religious and still do bad actions, but as a child this was confusing to me. I also understand that going to church doesn't really mean anything on its own. My parents almost never talked about religion, though. They really didn't talk about much of anything. I had to learn how to do everything myself, including tying my shoes. They just seemed to go to church to look good.

>My very religious aunt was not a good role model:

She would constantly tell everyone how sinful they were in the sense that she was superior to everyone. In a room of people at my grandmother's wake, she told my dad to his face that he was going to Hell because he was Lutheran and not Catholic, and Catholicism was the one true religion. When I was a child, my dog ran away. My Aunt was taking care of us and said we had to go to church instead of looking him. I thought why would I want to be in a religion where you abandon a member of your family to sit in a building for an hour? She was a very unpleasant woman. I didn't want to be like her.

>My peers who went to church didn't seem to be better for it.

They would gossip and be shallow, and think because they were a member of a certain religion and went to church, that was enough.

>A lot of churches seemed corny, gaudy, and ridiculous.

I thought the guitars and drum kits were corny. I thought mega churches were gaudy and weird. It wasn't until I started studying the Renaissance on my own that I learned of other possibilities, and I saw how our shallow, consumerist society was shaping these churches.

>It was hard to understand people being non-Christian now and throughout history.

I went through the typical, "Are those people going to hell?" questions. How is that fair?

>Sin

I think pornography has been my biggest sin. I stopped looking at it a 3 years ago, with a couple of minor relapses. I also sometimes lie to people, because I struggle to communicate verbally. Like if someone asks me what I'm doing for Christmas, I don't know how to tell them I am not doing anything special, so I lie and say I am traveling to meet family when I am not.

>Feeling depressed and lonely.

I have always been an outsider. There was a period where many people in my life died at the same time, and I was struggling in school and then unemployment, and feeling like I could not do anything in society. Then the woman I loved rejected me for a man who had his life together. I have never felt as cold in my life as I did at that time. I think I made it out somewhat damaged, but ultimately stronger, like I can handle hardships better. I still feel lonely often, but I think I am starting to feel God more in my life.

I think I feel God through the art I make. I am reading the bible for the first time these days. As mentioned, I am interested in the Renaissance, but also the desert fathers, hermetic monks, and illuminated manuscripts. When I am learning about things which are deep, I feel a connection to God. If I mindlessly surf the Internet and read shallow things, I do not. I am trying to be the person God wants me to be. I think this week I've felt more connection to God than I have in the past.