You are not alone.
I also use sin to escape, though I've been going longer than ever without that sort of sin, by the grace and protection of the Lord Jesus Christ, and it feels good to see where I was, in a pit of ruin, to where I am now, stable and functional, and to where I'm heading, to prosperity.
I am a real person, right here, writing to you, this very sentence you are reading I wrote for you. You are not alone, anon.
Who or what did you lose?
I lost vision my eye as a child, and later, I lost someone which I very dearly love. Absorbing this loss has cost many years of my life. And sometimes it seems like the whole damn this is designed to be painful. One giant joke. I felt like this very often just a little over a year ago, until something happened to me that I will never be able to explain the full extent to, just everything clicked, the clockwork of the universe delivered a miracle unique to me that gave me a spark of hope. I tried to learn how to tune into what I soon later identified as the Holy Spirit, which lead me to learn about faith. This has lead me out of a dismal pit which I loath to describe. My life was a deteriorating waste to put it mildly.
Faith itself is the secret weapon. Hold strong to your faith that the guy making your life a pain has a plan for why. Faith should be like closing your eyes and walking off a cliff, knowing full well that a bridge will appear beneath your feet as you walk. God delivers you situations, puzzles of reality. He has complete control as an artist to build the game level around you, all the moving parts happen for a specifically designed intricate purpose. God wants to manufacture high quality souls and this life is the factory where he does this.
You and I, everyone on this board, we are only mere man. Our capacity is tiny like a seed compared to a vast galaxy of planets and huge stars of God's capacity. Lucky for us, there is not much we need to "worry" about. We cannot control the weather. We cannot control the lottery. We cannot control others. This narrows down the things we can control to a small handful of things. Things within our control. These are our concerns. If we can't control it, it's not our problem The rest is for God to sort out.
To make things even easier, God always puts us in the right location at the right time and gives us the correct answers so we are saying the right thing and doing the right thing to manifest his ideal. It's hard, though, to sufficiently describe just how how His grand symphony operates, the relationships between the many elements are dense and deep and dank.
Anyways, it's past my bed time, but know that you are not alone, anon. I will pray that an obvious path is revealed to you.