>>663457
Well I'm not entirely sure how you want us to answer this post. So I guess I'll start out by asking a bit more about your situation. Were you raised Catholic? Have you had any spiritual moments? You say your baptism never really went anywhere, please tell us more about that.
>I'm really afraid of going to confession.
Why is this anon? I believe confession is a good first step to achieve what you're looking for. The Priest will not be judging you and from what you said so far your confession would be fairly tame compared to some of the shit the Priest gets. I also believe that even before confession if you like, perhaps you should get in contact with your Priest and tell him about your issues that you are facing with your spiritual life/life in general. He can offer guidance to you.
>Are there real Christian/Catholic Men?
Yeah there are plenty. As one myself I would recommend going to confession and regularly going to mass on Sundays or even during the week. I believe most good practicing and decent Catholic men find a faithful woman to be the #1 thing in a lady. Or atleast thats in my own experience.