Incoming blog post: I'm what one technically calls a born again catholic, I've gone through the atheist/agnostic phase and now turned proper Catholic, dead once and I cant go back again. I've just cut off a close online relationship I've had because I noticed it was getting obsessive. I skipped prayer times just so I could speak to this person. So if something causes you to sin, cut it off right? And so I did, just yesterday in fact. (Maybe that was selfish of me, a lot of christians online said I should have "converted" him, but I dont think I was the person who was supposed to do that for him. anyway~)
Ive noticed this incessant underlying restlessness, akin to loneliness but with an edge of distress. I thought as catholics our hearts are supposed to find rest in God. I know what I have to do, I'm supposed to build a deeper relationship with God. But as of now, my mind keeps gravitating to filling up the time uselessly, and I keep giving in to it. It seems I have this endless chasm inside of myself that I need to fill up. I spent an entire hour just hiding under my blanket because the emotional pain was unbearable. And I kept pleading to God to help me. At the end of the hour the pain suddenly disappeared. I know God is helping me, I know he is besides me and he's shouldering this cross for me.
tl;dr: I don't want to escape, I want to face this loneliness head on, how do I do it? How do I look beyond myself? How do I build a deeper relationship with God beyond one hour of prayer?