I'm not entirely sure this should be on /x/ but since some of my problem/story originates from it I guess this would be a good place as any.
Around 3 Years ago I was about 16 I wasn't very religious but I still believed in (And tried to talk to) the christian god. I frequented /b/, /v/ and of course /x/ so of course I am a social outcast, and very lonely
>tfeelw no gf.
So one day I was browsing /x/, not posting because of course
>Lurk moar, under age ban, etc
and I come across a thread that talks about the Pagan Gods and Goddesses specifically Freyja. The OP advertises Freyja as a way to get laid, so like any young teen I'm interested.
I check out the thread and they talk about how to contact, and pray to Freyja, they specify the nordic runes, that you should have cats in the room, etc. So being skeptical of any faith at all mostly due to the emptiness that is the response of the Christian God, I ask some questions in the thread and eventually decide that I will do a ritual that is supposed to get a girl to like me, now this is where the spoopy shit comes in.
I set up everything, I have two candles in the room lit, I write the rune down on paper with red ink (To symbolize blood) I have my cats in the room, etc. I start the prayer/ritual and as soon as I start speaking my cats look behind me in the corner of the room and start going nuts, and run around upstairs, I look and see nothing so I keep going. So I end up finishing and I offered some chocolate because the Goddesses love that shit, and I bury it in my backyard. Everything seems chill till the night.
I am chilling downstairs (I was upstairs in the ritual) watching TV when suddenly the stairwell door opens on its own and a white mist slowly comes down from the steps into the living room hallway and into the living room and disappears, leaving only a strong scent of mint in the air which is my favorite smell. I didn't feel any sense of dread or fear like someone would get from a ghost more of a welcoming one so I was like: "Holy Shit Freyja is real"
The prayer ended up working in an unexpected way, not one I wanted but I got more friends that were girls, and I ended up meeting the love of my life (More on that later) but I mostly ended up stopped praying to freyja because my christian friend brought me to church a bunch for whatever reason and I was foolish enough to believe in the christian god after what I witnessed.
So after this I got insanely depressed, the girl I feel deeply in love with (She was everything I ever wanted in a girl like 10/10 for me) completely dropped off the radar, and then came back a radical feminist with almost all of the original traits I liked her for gone or changed, and all signs that she liked me were gone. I kept trying to reach out to God but no prayers were answered, and my friend(same one that took me to church) tried to console me but nothing worked even his stories of hearing god and being loved by him didn't work, and I continued to have a one way relationship with the Christian God because no matter what my pastor said and what I tried I could never get an answer from him(God).
So now after several years of a horrible life I am beginning to question my faith again, and I really hope that I didn't fuck up because my only religious experience was with the Norse gods and I kinda deserted them, I kinda want to get back into the Norse thing but at the same time I feel like I should keep going christian even though it's not working for me, so I am very conflicted.
TL;DR: Should I stay Christian or go back to Paganism/The Norse gods?
Also Norse/Paganism general.