/v/ - Video Games

>>13830055

>>13830097

Ah, that's right! It's starting to come back to you now. Your name is "Fuck Off." Or Fukov for short. You came from a family of noble russianmen. You are also a man of many talents.

What is your special talent?

>>13830055

>>13830092

>>13830097

>>13830107

>>13830149

>>13830233

Are we being raided?

We've had Quest threads for years, fuck right off

Beating people up with a stool and whatever console is in reach.

>>13830270

Someone's upset they never got dubs on Knight Quest

>>13830222

You, Sir Fuckov, have innate skills in the art of the nose job. You come from a long line of nosejobbers who take pride in their work. Your skills are widely unknown, even to yourself. Legends say your ancestors were hired to chisel out the nostrils on Mt. Rushmore.

Now that you've got an idea of who you are, what do you do?

Oh boy I'm getting flash backs.

Not vidya

>>13830433

Perhaps you have inherited the constructive genius of your bloodline? You grab your trusty ruler and mallet and get to work. Hours in things don't look so good. By the time you're finished, you've made yourself homeless. This didn't go so well.

Now what do you do?

>>13830447

You head over to your local waifu dealer to pick up some new strange. After heading into the parking lot near your grocery store, the smell of BO and depression fill the air. You see Fred hanging around by his car and tell him you want to make a deal. He says he has a fine selection of new ladies in tow: Tsunami, Riceball, and Moemoe. It's a tough choice.

What do you do?

>>13830488

"Nice tits!" Fred looks at you with a glint in his eye. He tells you almost fell for your charms, but his heart will always belong to his eternal waifu. He is saving his virginity for her and cannot betray her loyalty to him. However, he says because you were so kind to him, you can choose whichever waifu that you want.

Who do you choose?

You're going to get bullied into irrelevance just like the ROBfag.

>>13830544

Ask about his tsunderes in stock.

>>13830544

Ask the degenerate if his waifu is really an elf?

>>13830586

You slap your hands on Fred's shoulders and tell him to give you the gayest most homoseexually charged waifu he has ever sold out of the back of his car. He goes to his trunk and ruffles around for a period of time. He comes back out with a waifu unlike anything you've seen before. He tells you this masterful creation is the gayest waifu known to mankind and is rumored to have sucked potentially thousands of cocks. He calls her "Faggotta Suprema."

Now that you are out of the dating market, what do you do?

>>13830666

You head over to your parents house to break the news of your engagement. You knock on the front door a few times. No answer. Maybe they're busy cooking or watching tv. You ring the doorbells a few times to mess with your dad. You wait for him to yell back, but nothing happens. You check the door, and it pushes open without hesitation. You shake it off as the door swings open and…oh fuck. You see your parents splayed out on the floor. It appears your dad left you a message: "RUN."

What do you do?

>>13830800

You walk towards the two bodies lying in wait in front of you, clutching Faggota close to your chest. The smell of copper fills your nostrils. You move what used to be your father over onto his front side. His face is missing. It appears as though it's been chewed off. You hear a loud thumping sound from above you and your eyes dart towards the stairs. Your chest tightens as you wait in anticipation for something else to happen. The silence persists.

What do you do?

>>13830900

In a panic, you start to run and throw Faggota Suprema behind you towards the stairs. Unfortunately, you failed to realize you were standing directly in front of the corpses of your parents and face plant into the floor. Faggota flies straight behind you towards the vase near the stairs. Colliding with the vase, your ex-waifu tumbles towards the tile below when the vase suddenly explodes on impact, obliterating the vase and burning your feathery former fiance. A huge crashing sound can be heard from upstairs. An inhuman scream tears through the halls. Your eardrums feel like they're about to pop. Thudding sounds begin to get louder as they get closer and closer to the stairs.

What do you do?

>>13831051

>throwing somebody at the monster to get them raped.

You will just create another /xen/ follower, ya dumbnuts.

Also, what with faggots in this board? I don't remember such activity there 'till recently.

>>13831007

You quickly jump to your feet and rush to the nearest closet…which is directly across from the stairwell. You pant heavily trying despite trying to breathe as soft as possible to avoid the thing out there hearing you. "Glad you could finally join us." You recognize that voice! It's your dad.

In a hushed voice just above a whisper, your dad recounts: "We invited out some neighbors for our game night, but no one brought any board games and that wouldn't do. John went down to the basement and brought an old ouija board. After asking about some lottery numbers, next thing you know this thing comes barreling out from the attic and starts tearing into poor Terry and Mike. We ran in here, and luckily it went after John after he ran upstairs. I think I dropped my glasses when everything happened."

You hear a pitter patter of footsteps feeling around the living room. The way it clatters around the floor reminds you of a dog that happily prances around when it knows its about to get fed. You could stay in the closet, but how long till it eventually finds you and corners you and your parents in the closet?

What do you do?

>>13833475

You ask your mother if you can rape her. She tells you you know she's a screamer, so now is not the best time for that. Your father glares at you and says you should know better then to rape at the wrong time. Silence fills the room. It seems the creature has stopped. Then you hear a voice and your stomach drops.

"Hello, is there someone out there? Sir Yakov? Mrs. Yakov? I went to the bathroom and the lights suddenly shut o-Oh dear God…"

Whatever's in the closet with you is not your parents. Perhaps the shock of seeing them dead made it that much easier to fool you with the relief of them being alive. Now you're stuck in a closet with it, whatever it is.

What do you do?

>>13833665

You decide to feel it out the situation with as much uncomfortable sexual undertones as possible. You feel around your "parents." Your hands land on something slimey and thick. You stroke up and down slowly. It arcs up somewhere above you. You don't feel anything that resembles a head, or even a body. There seems to be nothing below the eyeballs…"Oh, honey, careful down there, you know I'm sensitive." That won't be a problem because there is nothing there. Your foot steps on something familiar. You bend to grab it. It's a flashlight. "Hun, you should be as quiet as possible you don't want to do something you will regret."

You hear from outside the closet: "Is there anyone else in here? I need help! Come out here immediately or I'll have to call the police!"

What do you do?

>>13833902

You quickly rummage around and grab some clothing to wear around your waist. You think best with something wrapped around your legs. It hits you like a gallon of bricks: you can use the flashlight to temporarily blind the thing in here with you which will give you enough time to escape and get out of here with John. You shine the light directly into the eyes of the thing in front of you. It's pupils dilate as you here a scream of agony muffled through the closet door. It came from upstairs. Wasn't that where John came from?

You hear John's voice become more distorted and staticy. "Aaaaah, that's where you've beeeeen. Iiii'll bbeee there in a mooomeent." Yep that's not John. The light from the flashlight must have given you away.

There's not a lot of room to maneuver here. What do you do?

>>13834257

You set the flashlight down and angle it upwards. You then proceed to poke all four eyeballs a la 3 stooges style. Before you got a chance to slap the eyeballs to finish 'em off, you hear another angry cry beyond the door, and the eyeballs shoot upward. You notice a hole in the ceiling.

The thing outside the closet knocks on the door. Something seems really familiar about the way it knocks. Like it's mimicking you from earlier. Then it starts gargling out the doorbell. "diiiiiing doooooong. diiiiing doooong." It's taunting you. It's only a matter of time before the doorbell stops ringing and then the door swings open.

What do you do?

>>13834538

oops.

He's def getting away with the murder. But who is "he"?

>>13834457

You jump up and grab hold of the metal bar above you. You have a strong craving for fish and chips. It's almost as bad as the desire to get the fuck out of here. You hoist yourself upwards. You feel all your muscles screaming at you. This is a pretty good workout. You'll have to make sure to add pull-ups to your routine if you make it out of this. You take a moment to squat which is your natural inclination as one with slav blood in their veins. You launch yourself into the hole and crawl for a bit. It's dark as hell. It's hard to believe such a winding tunnel exists in your parent's house. You can here the closet door a way's a way slowly creak open. If the thing can open doors, it might be a matter of time before it discovers your little escape route.

What do you do?

>>13834644

You notice a crevice on the side of the tunnel, so you move as far back until you're completely against the wall. You flip off the flashlight and wait. A heavy panting sounds off in the distance, and then grows louder and louder. You see a dark shadow at the opening you just came from. The thing is long and fills up the tunnel with its disgusting form. The shadow passes by you as it skitters further down the tunnel. You think you've made it. You let out a breath of relief only to realize your error immediately after it happens: this place echoes. The thuds further down the tunnel stop. A loud wheeze erupts through the tunnels, and you hear scraping sounds. It seems its trying to turn around and head back towards you. You gotta do something.

What do you do?

new chimp

>>13834800

You stand front and center in the tunnel and prepare yourself for whatever is heading this way. Withing a few seconds, its straight in your face and you're almost too scared to move your arms. You swing the flashlight with all your might.

>>13835287

The head of the flashlight snaps off, and pain shoots down both your arms sending an excruciating sensation throughout your whole body. The flashlight head bounces off a wall back to your face and slices your forehead open.

The thing's jaws begin to stretch open. You're about to be munched on like a kid chewing up some raisins. The floor begins to crack beneath you, and before you have a chance to react, you plummet to the depths below.

>>13835290

After crashing through a few floors, you smash face first into the concrete below you. Luckily, your bones and internal organs cushioned the fall. You're completely fucked up. You think you might have broken a few ribs and a foot.

What do you do?

>>13835307

You crawl over to the ouija board nearby. This was your favorite gift from your childhood. After all your spirit/demon summonings, you recall Void Beings being the most friendly creatures from the occult magics. You move the triangle thingy around and spell out "void." You wait a moment, and the triangle moves to "yes" without you touching it.

>>13835443

You lean against the wall. You definitely broke a leg, and your mouth is bleeding. A strange distortion in space appears before you. It elongates, and then a shape of a man flashes in front of you. His body is constantly swirling, although his outline doesn't change.

He says his name is Anthony: "I will do whatever you want, but I have a price. You must feed me."

What do you do?

>>13835468

You tell Anthony you're going to feed him to himself. He doesn't have a face, but Anthony seems to stare at you. He then breaks out into a smile. "I like your sense of humor."

>>13835691

Anthony begins to swirl into a single point, eventually disappearing completely. Well, shit. This guy was your last chance of making it through this. Now you won-

>>13835699

You feel an odd sensation starting from your face, and then throughout your entire body. The pain is fading completely. Not only that, but you feel much lighter. Almost like you could fly. You stand up feeling the best you have your whole life. I guess Anthony was one of the few people who not only took a joke, but could take a joke to a whole new level.

What do you do?

>>13835711

You decide now is the time and place to shitpost. You take out your phone and go to your favorite site to ruin, "8queer.net." You put on your witty cap and enter the first thread that catches your eye. Feeling unnecessarily proud of yourself, you gain an unearned sense of accomplishment. Even though you did absolutely nothing productive or useful, you know in your heart of hearts you made the world a slightly better place one shitpost at a time.

Now what do you do?

>>13835827

You rub one out to relieve yourself of all the pressure you're under. You savor the moment and finish in under 20 seconds. You don't even have the luxury to be called a minute man…A feeling shame overwhelms you. You don't remember the last time someone else has touched you on your crotch besides yourself. You shake it off and move on.

Now what do you do?

>>13835955

You stand perfectly still. You are not entirely sure how to use Anthony's powers, so you're just going to have to wing it. You concentrate on the light, empty feeling inside your body. In the back of your mind, you focus and leaving the house. You feel yourself falling backwards.

>>13836032

When you open your eyes, you're back outside the house. The front door is still open.

What do you do?

>>13836055

It's possible, using Anthony's powers, to turn something into nothing. Maybe it's possible to do the flip way too? You concentrate on the 2D realm. You must find a way to bring waifus here with the 3DPGs. Your mind wanders into this 2D universe. Skirts. Perfume. Oversized irises.

>>13836172

Eureka, you found it! You release the 2D into this universe. It is done. You feel really proud of yourself. If only your parents were alive to see you today. You're sure they'd still be pretty disappointed in you, but you wish your parents were still alive. You feel something wrap around your foot. Before you can see what it is, you lose balance and face plant for the second time today.

>>13836178

It looks like that thing doesn't want to let you go, and it can't quite leave the house. You're getting dragged into this thing whether you like it or not.

What do you do?

I love these threads.

>>13836226

This asshole doesn't know just who he is fucking with! It's time to rip and tear him a new pair of Levis! You activate your void powers and…nothing happens. When you used them before you were more calm. There's too much pressure and you can't concentrate. And you can't even budge. The thing's grip is too tight. You watch, frozen in its grip, as its jaw dislodges and keeps dropping. You're not getting out of this on-Faggota Suprema?!

>>13836368

She must have come to life when you brought waifus into reality. Launching from the vase's explosion, she heads directly into the thing's eye socket. It's grip loosens on you. Now is the time to make a move.

What do you do?

>>13836376

You take a breath and center yourself once again. A hollow feeling fills your body, and next thing you know you slip back down to the floor below. This thing looks a lot bigger than it was before. It's practically become a part of the house at this point. You gotta figure a way to get rid of this thing.

What do you do now?

>>13836477

It's about damn time to burn this whole creepy-ass house to the fuckin' ground. You rush to the garage and grab the gasoline tank from the work bench. You ruffle around in your father's drawers until you found what you're looking: an old but useable matchbox. You go around the entire house spreading the gasoline as far and as heavily as you can.

>>13836635

You stand outside the house. You light a single match, and take a moment to admire your work. It's time to light it up. The gasoline catches and the house is engulfed in flames. From where it stand, it appears as though the fire is forcefully spreading itself all over the house. The penetration of the flames is intense and purely unconsensual.

>>13836638

The thing from inside let's out a deafening screech. You can see birds flying away from the sound in all directions. The screaming doesn't stop for hours as the house continues to burn to ashes.

>>13836640

You sit down and relax. It's been a very long day.

What do you do?

>>13836647

You decide to lay Faggotta Suprema to rest once and for all. A small get together is held to mourn the loss of your loved one. She was a hideous waifu, but she was a beautiful waifu to you even if no one else thought so. She gave you comfort with her soft, squishy body in times of need. She exploded and pierced the eye of an unspeakable creature that should not exist in any reality. She did all that anyone could ask as a short-term casual waifu.

Now that that's over, what do you do?

>>13842533

Your blood boils deep inside you. A hunger lurks there…a thirsty hunger for revengeance! but wait, didn't you just burn down your house and metaphorically rape every demon in your house with the flames of justice and leftover gasoline? You've already avenged your parents and your waifu.

What do you do?

>>13842608

So jim is still carrying his corpse around with him in those sunglasses. That's really fucking morbid.

>>13842588

You decide you need an outside perspective on this whole ordeal. You decide to consort with your wise friend, Fred. It is said for every roll of fat on someone's neck they are 10x wiser. This is how you know Fred is of a greater mind then even Buddha. You explain everything that happened to Fred, including your newfound Void powers.

Fred's face brightens. He thanks you from the bottom of his heart for bring his waifu, Lendara, to life. He knew you were an amazing dude from the moment he first met you in his mom's basement when you bought figurines from him. When you get to the part about the demons in your house, his face furrows. He tells you, John…I mean Sir Fukov, you must fight the demons. If they were able to get into this reality, they have to be stopped. The only true reality, Fred says, is the one where waifus are real.

He says you must master your Void and Nose powers because there's no telling what demons lurk beyond this dimension. You must train.

Where do you to train? What is your training routine? What do you do?

>>13842667

Monks are extraordinarily good at teaching strangers how to master martial arts, so you set the Himalayas as your got place to train. You spend 9 months training and perfecting your Void powers into your punches. You are now at a point where you can consistently use them as you throw a punch. They are pretty effective on objects that aren't too dense. Punching through things like concrete and steel is still iffy.

>>13842763

You have reached a new found confidence in your abilities. You can even open up small rips in space.

What do you do now?

>>13842808

>>13842812

these to be quite honest

>>13842811

You want to find exactly how those demonic creatures were able to get here in the first place. You decide to go back to your old house. You slam your palms together and rip a hole open while focusing on what it feels like to be back at your old house. Your body is sucked through.

>>13842878

It looks like someone got tired of looking at the pile of wood and ashes where your house was. A smooth pile of dirt has covered up the mess that used to be there. It feels weird for something so big to just be gone. You start searching around looking for clues. You don't know what to look for, you wander around for awhile.

>>13842880

You see a little piece of white sticking out from the ground. You dig it up and wipe away the dirt and grime covering up the words. It's a business card for a realtor, Bob Tiller. You remember him. He had been trying to get your parents to sell their house around the time you were moving out, but they refused his offers. And he was very stubborn about it. Could he be connected to this?

What do you do?

>>13842917

You choose a dick pic from one of many on your phone. It might be yours or Fred's or someone else's. Frankly, you lost track of which is which. It appears as someone is about to reply back.

You receive a message:

"Hello, *-*-****, I can no longer be reached at this number. If you would like my services, I'm located on Garrison Dr. at 4426. I'll gladly help you if you need an evaluation on a house, or if you need a special house call. - Bob Tiller"

What do you do?

>>13843011

If you can't do it by phone, then you will do it by mail carrier like how the pioneers used to. You slip in a personal photo from your wallet into the envelope. You're about to put it into the mailbox when a gust of wind blows by and rips it out of your hand before you can put it down the slot.

>>13846022

You watch is the envelope gets carried higher and higher. That rectangular piece of paper is catching some serious air. You hear an airplane coming in to your left. There appears to be a small speck directly in front of one of the plane's engines. Is that your mail?

>>13846026

You see small red dot show up on the plane's engine. A huge booming sound erupts in the sky and the plane explodes into a ball of fire. Woops.

What do you do?

>>13846177

You know what? It was probably some kind of black magic that sent that letter through the jet engine and blew up the plane. Being that unlucky is impossible. You're sure of that. You decide to go the old fashioned way to get places: public transportation. It's an uneventful ride up there. After a short nap, you wake up to hear your street coming up. You stand in front of a fairly large sized house. A sign out front reads: "Bob Tiller's Realty: We Put the People in the Homes." Everything looks normal.

What do you do?

>>13846488

You make your up to the door, and you burst into the office.

"Okay, guys, hear me out: the dick pic industry has become grossly oversaturated. 1 or 2 dic pics per girl? That's manageable. But nowadays, chicks have access to thousands of pics of other men's dicks. So you see, there are too many dingbats on the online space. What this means is that men will send their dick electronically to their target, but they have a low chance of the receiver keeping said picture. The solution: hand picked and selected for quality, a genuine dick pic mailing business."

"uuh, that's nice, sir, but this is a realty business already. And we only see people b-"

>>13846751

"I LIKE IT. SEND THE MAN IN. I WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS PITCH!"

"uhm, okay, go ahead and head back I guess."

You sit in a chair in the big office. You can only make out a silhouette of the man before you.

What do you do?

>>13846776

I guess this works for this >>13846775 too

>>13846811

His back is turned to you. You figure you can let him gabber on for as long as he needs to. You can use your Void powers consistently with punches, but you've never done something like fuse with another person. It's probably got something to do with rip holes in space or something. You never really considered how your powers work.

You get ready to make a move. Before you have time to react, he's gone. What the hell? You swear he was there a second ago. You feel something sharp pressed against your neck.

>>13847083

"That's not very polite. I invite you into my personal office, taking my precious time out of the day to listen to your dick pic pitch, and this is how you treat me? I believe it's time you explain yourself. What are you really doing here?"

You're in a tight spot. What do you do?

>>13847100

You phase through the chair, but something goes terribly wrong. Instead of falling backwards, you fall straight down. Becoming aware of your mistake, you become solid again, fusing with the chair.

"Where did he…holy shit what happened to you? Cheapass china chairs, damn. Musta fallen through. Now tell me-"

"MY NAME IS SIR FUCKOV, YOU KILLED MY PARENTS, PREPARE TO BE KILLED BY YOUR OWN CHAIR."

"Your parents? I don't think I've ever met you in my life. I could have killed you earlier but didn't. Explain to me just what is going on here."

What do you do?

>>13847233

Maybe this man isn't who you thought he was? You proceed to explain what happened to you almost a year ago. About your parents, the things inside your house, bringing waifus to life, and up to where you find the business card.

"Fuckov, you poor motherfucker. No man should have to endure so much…And it was you who brought my precious little Riceball to life? I always believed waifus would become real, and when it happened, I was the happiest I've ever been. Oh my sweet little Riceball.

As for Bob Tiller, I am not him. He skipped town almost a year ago. He said he had to go make some deals with the devil. He laughed when he said it, I just thought it was a harmless joke."

That certainly clears things up. What do you do now?