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File: 5e81e5039a0b8f3⋯.jpg (11.83 KB,195x200,39:40,Eldar_Guardian.jpg)

File: 652345cf0d99c80⋯.jpg (182.45 KB,2048x1152,16:9,Crisis suit.jpg)

File: 400037fd65890c1⋯.jpg (456.71 KB,1920x1624,240:203,matthew-davis-mattd-lzd-lo….jpg)

 No.425623

Post Warhammer 40k head cannon you have to explain away gw fuckups or for yourself.

Here are mine.

#1 The pipe that goes from an eldars arm into their shuriken Catapult/pistol/whatever is connected to the power generator on the eldars back. This gives the gun enough power to fire full auto and connects it to the suit and eldars nervous system for faster reactions. If you pull it out the gun is Semi-automatic.

#2 It looks as if the Tau Fire warrior cant fit in the crisis suit, but the can, as he drives it by the back flipping up, him climbing in forward, laying forward looking through chest Slit + Computer HUD hologram + he sees what the crisis suit head sees, because the suit plugs into his brain through the back of his head. So he doesn’t have to control much stuff with hands he does it with his brain.

Like in district 9.

#3 Bolter shots aren’t Coke cans they’re 75.Cal, I mean that’s true that’s not head cannon.

#4 Eldar scatter lasers are just lots of barrelled lasers, so they can all shoot at once like a shotgun, or all shoot one by one for really high rpm.

#5 Ynnead is slaanesh and it’s a big trick to get eldar to Jihaad themselves. Hence why visarch hides his face, he’s all slaanesh mutated and looks like that new Slaanesh Deamon prince.

#6 Eldar accidently made Slaanesh, Old ones accidently made Tzeenach

#7 Old ones looked like lizardmen and Lord mazdamundi. Hence the appearence of Tzeenach.

____________________________
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 No.425624

Abaddon's fleet is still besieging Cadia, everything from the Fall of Cadia and on to 8th edition never happened.

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 No.425626

>>425623

The Grey Knight made the new Not-Dreadnaught that GW just previewed as revenge for everyone laughing at the Dreadknight.

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 No.425631

File: 8557a7888c38129⋯.jpg (158.35 KB,768x983,768:983,The-Yncarne-1.jpg)

>>425623

>Ynnead is slaanesh and it’s a big trick to get eldar to Jihaad themselves. Hence why visarch hides his face, he’s all slaanesh mutated and looks like that new Slaanesh Deamon prince.

This one seems so obvious I'm amazed more people don't mention it. There's the colour scheme & the weird horn, but the main thing is the single breast which is the trademark of basically ever single other Slaanesh model. GW's art direction isn't what it once was, but surely this can't just all be a big accident?

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 No.425642

>>425631

I see it as a valkyrie/angel/succubus/harpy kind of mixing, in that their vision of an avatar of a god will hold certain traits similar to other avatars of their gods. While superficially it has a horn and breast of Slaanesh, the rest of its form is quite mundane in shape while appearing also as ornamented armor.

I like the 1d4chan closing lines on Morai-Heg. Where Slaanesh is the collective Id of the Eldar, Ynnead is their collective Ego. The suppression of your worst aspects should, poetically, make reference to them.

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 No.425646

>>425624

This, also regular Warhammer is stuck just before the end times.

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 No.425649

File: cd7b837798a020a⋯.jpg (146.63 KB,729x1024,729:1024,c'tan nightbringer.jpg)

>>425623

>Nucrons never happened

>the Necrontyr are still slaves to the Star Gods who tricked them into abandoning their true bodies and it is still their mission to harvest all life in the universe to feed their insatiable masters.

Because that's just so much cooler than Tomb Kings In Spaaaace.

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 No.425651

>>425649

Does anyone else just fall back on constant application of the 'unreliable narrator' explanation whenever they read the new fluff?

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 No.425658

>>425651

>The events of 8th edition are just some weirdo Administratum scribe's nutty Guilliman fanfic

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 No.425659

>>425658

>Implying that hasn’t been the lore since 5th edition

>Implying Administratum scribe Matthias Ward hasn’t been hard at work.

Also, am I the only one who finds it hilarious that in making the only White Scars character primaris they’ve take away any ability to take him with a bike, defeating the point of playing White Scars?

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 No.425662

File: 387c1abaf2270d8⋯.png (461.05 KB,1079x777,1079:777,Ash wate nomads.png)

File: e50919842930f88⋯.jpg (86.16 KB,225x213,75:71,BUTT FUCK.jpg)

File: 9bf9728563f02b4⋯.jpg (274.72 KB,1400x873,1400:873,Khorne Bikers.jpg)

>>425659

No, but now that you mention it. I've noticed they've really cut-back on HQ that have access to mounts. They're not in the codexes, only in the indexes. I would hope that its all going to be released again via some stupid Fast Attack HQ boxed set, but who fucking knows at this rate?

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 No.426090

How would you guys rewrite 40k?

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 No.426092

File: 257fe75b7fe976b⋯.jpg (175.21 KB,1024x1117,1024:1117,1427706754652.jpg)

>>426090

Well If we were going to take this seriously we have to identify what's good in 40k (in the lore) and there are lots of winners in here. people can argue about it but 'tactical morality' , Elder gods/chaos and The emperor all ring in my mind as superior bits. Pushing the tactical morality idea, you need alternatives to the imperium and althought some are held together with handwavium (orks are in, tyranids I am bleh on, Necron are in, etc) others not so much. I think the Tau would be in and probably with a bigger role (for the greater good / communism are interesting alternatives/story branches to work with.

So my rewrite would cast the emperor as a more sympathetic/jesus like character. Instead of being the fusing of a bunch of ancient shamans, you can see how the old ones got along all happy, until conflict ensued (or they saw conflict coming) naturally these beings armed themselves in various ways. Some sects saw a purely material way forward (necrons) while others worked on various hybrid ways forward, fusing the unviverse with life and life tied to the warp. This kind of life served in a couple of ways, first it allowed them to make a kind of 'local spiritual realm' instead of just hanging out in the warp, like a local mesh instead of the internet. This protected them in a lot of ways. Second they can also boost their power by eating the life of these beings (more of a fusion really). The most powerful became known as psykers and would be useful in a military sense both in the material world and the warp (and could be eater for big powerups). Humans were just one of many species that were influenced in this way, being merged on a soul level with Old ones and split off to create psykers and so on. That said, not all life was influenced this way (and not all life needed to be introduced t o the warp). One kind of fungus known as the destroyer (original I know) evolved in a rapid way, not only becoming very virulent to the point of destroying its own biospheres (only to send great intersteller spores to find new spheres but also spread to the warp. There it rapidly evolved into something similar but different then the old ones (they had intellect, warp ability, etc). The old ones thought that this was their foe for all time and when the first ork (Still belligerent and primitive) came around to talk about the planets it was going to need, it was promptly destroyed by the Old ones. Well not really destroyed so much as severed. Split into a physical and psychic part. The Fungus began producing orks on mutliple worlds and the orks began experiancing WAAAGH from their tramautic first contact all those years ago (it also serves to question if the old ones didn't begin like the orks as a physical species instead of a purely warp species.

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 No.426093

File: 00b2b463aa3e5c2⋯.jpg (57.61 KB,800x708,200:177,0gmnsdfjdsngkjgnd434bfn784….jpg)

>>426092

Ultimately these two halves of the ork would reunite but stay seperate becoming Gork and Mork (one of which is Smashy but Cunning and the other which is Cunning but Smashy). Gork and Mork rarely manifest (and may be the literal power of Waaagh and Dakka) which make their armies/worlds so dangerous because every new ork and every new world only serves to empower what was already a very powerful entity (now two powerful entity, think Neanderthal vs old one nerds).

This caused the old ones to split further some thinking that it was wrong to Krump protoGMork and others wanting to go finish the job (the power of which they lacked at the time). So some old ones went to experiment with the humanoid races, some old ones went to just try to live their lives as insirational ideas and others tried to warn the old ones that the orks were not the threat that there was something far worst coming.

So the most militant group decided to forge a sword, a spirit sword (chaos sword?) that they could use to Smash all of the other threats into non existance. This research focused again around the material/chaos hybrids and eventually resulted into uplifting a race of monkeys on a farflung planet into person hood. The brightest of these monkeys (now called humans) were merged with many of the old ones in a form of accelerated evolution (both materially and psychically ) to try to get to the 'omega state' of this race to use them as a weapon. It kind of worked.

The Emperor has most of his known abilities (immense warp presence, shapeshifting, reality altering, etc) but was always doomed as the 'first and last man' (sorry UA). Mankind could never exceed the emperor and althought he sought to make humanity better he ultimately realized that he was doing more harm then good expecting humanity to go thru several million years of evolution in a few decade and started playing the long game. He started nudging humanity in small ways, getting them ready for bigger things. He has of course like any gardener had to prune the branches back, Ludite forces, Hedonistic forces, Communist Forces all got the snip under the emperor (under the long game).

When the emperor was made he served as a kind of 'ark' for a lot of the old ones (which is also what gives him his power) but there were some notable exceptions that refused to merge. The most intellectually brilliant old ones refused of course, thinking that they could outthink the coming apocalypse, The kindest of course could not bear to be part of a sword, to part with even a single one of their children, The angriest of course sought to wield the blade not be it and some other factions had their own choosen product to push (The Sensual Elves, Paragons of Love, The Material ProtoNecrons,etc.

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 No.426094

File: 4e3cfb301a8b887⋯.jpg (172.76 KB,1136x788,284:197,Khorne.jpg)

>>426093

So the emperor who had neither love nor sex per say, didn't father children. He fathered humanity and of course sought to make it better using his own evolved self and the several tends of decade of scientific advancement and learning at his disposal. Of course, the lovers, the thinkers, the fighters and the all embracing helped humanity in a number of small ways, tutored the emperor and so on. Soon the emperor sought to make an improvement to himself (the first step of a self improving machine that was argueably the whole point of uplifting the emperor) in addition to mankind which was thriving as a kind of advanced multisystem wide pan civizilization made up of multiple human civilizations at this point. While he was obsessed with this he had (and mankind had) several set backs and later revealed to be sabotage which resulted in the banning of General Ai/Strong Ai. This was a strong set back and caused the first of the 'dark' times where several of the human civ's sought to dominate others and generally be dickfarts.

So emps again with heavy hand and heavy heart (I am seeing the emperor as a lot more like job in this) went to finally unify the human civilization and this time under his direct rule. The Wars against the Iron Men and TechnoBarbarians rise and fall were relatively quick (mere centuries) until finally he won and begun having time to finish his science project. The emperor rules in peace for like a thousand years an the emperor introduced his sons, each one greater and more magificent then the last until finally his 19 sons each ruled 19 stars and the emperor thought maybe the old ones were a bit crazy to have bothered making him because obviously aside from the orks (which the humans had only slightly encountered at this point) there was nothing to stop the emperor . So he finished his long researched perfect son, finally a different person to take the title as last man and supposed crown prince to an empire. His name was magnus.

As this point the real threat (corrupted old ones ) struct and stole / corrupted Magnus, who was basically the only thing that could break his father at that point. Magnus fell but not willingly and taking most of the remaining old ones power to accomplish it, Weapon X had birthed (thru science) weapon X 2 which the old ones grasped greedily. The Betrayers became known as Tzeentchians (who having won the big number one place in the galaxy promptly turned on themselves until there was one) who were supported by the embracing ones (who sought a kind of hive immortality thru disease admittedly for everyone) and factions of the angry ones (who wanted the worlds biggest banhammer).

Thus the chaos gods and demons were born (which were really just corrupted old one spawn and powered down because lol no one is sharing power. This caused the necrons (which were already the prepers of the universe) to ecide to kill all life (and thus seperate the chaos gods from a big source of their power), in response the lovers research with the eldar went horribly horribly wrong and birthed their own weapon X, but a slutty one. The Tau evolved mostly in their own little corner fighting few other people until they were actually a solar system wide civilization itself and the orks continued to gain mass on the dark side of the solar system (troubling mostly old ones until the chaos gods emerged and still fighting at better then 60% win ratio). The emperor being attacked by Magnus means that he can't use most of his powers but still influences humanity (despite his suffering as his enhacned healing cannot exceed magnuses enhanced damage) in a galaxybrain way, his empire crumbles and he reallowes warp travel (which himself as the required navigation beacon for the entire galaxy spreading empire) despite this even lowering his power further). His other sons are scattered (some to the old ones, others their plots and the emperor has to set up the brutalist, most horrific dictatorship that he can manage to maintain control with because otherwise spaceghosts and elfsluts will literally fuck humanity in the ass until they explode in prizes. He maintains his charade as dead on the throne to both make himself less of a target and let humanity know that it's serious (He also matinains his first and last man and suffering the for the masses titles, magnus having fucked off).

Not sure that's different enough to make it worth while. I like the nids being replaced with the orks, a common

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 No.426153

File: 8ca3513581157e0⋯.gif (8.14 MB,640x640,1:1,tenor.gif)

File: 191e6f41775e978⋯.jpg (46.24 KB,1131x707,1131:707,40K_20181002012147.jpg)

>>425649

>how to fix necrons

>make them extremely materialistic so they can do their job of portraying lawful evil better

>drop the humanoids forms, and make them use something more eldritch or more abstract like in the matrix

>make them the ultimate representation of transhumanist horror, I mean necrons are peak singularity anyways.

>throw some nick land in there to amplify the mechanical horror

there.

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 No.426166

Didn't old ones accidentally create Tzeentch, Khorne and Nurgle though? And isn't it very explicit canon that Eldar accidently created Slaanesh?

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