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Sup /tg/. One of the people at my table died while trying to pull off a harebrained scheme to discover the location of a magic item. Also, dumb character death thread in general.
>D&D 5e run on Storm King's Thunder
>Our DM asks players what magic items player's want to eventually receive because the whole group, including him, are relatively new to D&D
>That and he's just lazy
>One of our players wanted the Wand of Wonder
>A bit of info on his character
>Half-elf wild magic sorcerer in his mid to late hundreds named Sir Brimsley Duffledord III
>Usually portrayed as a senile old man, a spell slinging version of Rick Sanchez, or both
>Wanted to get his hands on the Wand of Wonder so he could get even more lolsorandumb magic on top of his wild magic
>The party reaches Luskin while pursuing the dwarven criminal Forky McFuckface or whatever his name was
>DM mentions that while we're in the market place there, we see several fancily hooded men interspersed among the crowd
>Look like the kind of guys who would know a lot about magic; archmages or some shit
>Brimsley decides to test this by shouting at the top of his lungs "Everyone who isn't an archmage is super gay!"
>Everyone in the crowd except for the hooded fellows seems offended
>Archmage detected.wav
>This is where Brimsley comes up with his brilliant plan
>He approaches the archmage and uses persuasion to convince the archmage he's a woman and seduce him
>Bear in mind his character is an old ass man who's made no attempt to alter his appearance, no polymorph or disguises or anything
>Archmage somehow is convinced
>They go off to a private room to fuck
>DM says that the archmage is gonna top
>Brimsley's player objects because he doesn't want to take it in the ass
>DM reminds him that he's pretending to be a woman and that it wouldn't make sense for him to top
>Brimsley says fuck that and casts thunderwave
>Archmage is now pissed off and upcasts magic missile at 9th level, summoning 12 darts but leaving them hovering in the air pointed at him
>"You've made a terrible decision messing with me, but I'll give you a chance to live if you stand down."
>"lolnope, where's the Wand of Wonders?"
>Exchange goes back and forth with the archmage saying he'd spare Brimsley and tell him if the wand is if they can just finish
>DM practically going "Dude, this is fucking high level archmage. He will kill you."
>"Don't care, thunderwave again."
>All 12 missiles hit Brimsley and there's no one there to stabilize him, so he dies
>Not as planned.jpg
>His player gets annonyed at the rest of us for not doing anything
>Even though none of the other PCs would have followed them from the market street to the fuck chamber
____________________________
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No.415862
>>414493
>Baddies and Players function differently. Poison is a lot more dangerous to the players than it is to a mob of 10 mooks.
Yeah, meaning the players should take it into account and devise a strategy to go around it. If you made an encounter impossible to beat then you just balanced it badly, and gimping enemies by removing crits is just you trying to cover your own fuckup.
>Removing critical strikes increases player survival rate dramatically
Sure. And removing any enemy damage whatsoever would increase survival rate to 100%. What a shit logic. If you think the encounter is too deadly, then just put in less enemies or use less dnagerous ones and you won't need to start changing the rules. Again, learn to balance your fucking game.
>Which that post was literally about.
Maybe check again which post I am actually replying to, you retard
>I agree, players with both exceptional skills and luck should not be able to do fantastical things in a fantasy RPG. Such things go against being apart of a fantasy world.
Are you being obtuse on purpose? If you devise an elaborate plan involving illusions, magic, and a master thief, sure you can steal the king's armour while he's wearing it. But if a freshly made lvl1 characters goes "I wanna steal his armour, rollan'. Oh, look, a 20" then he should just fucking fail. I thought this was clear from the context of talking about critical fucking successes, but clearly you are more interested in being a sassy little cunt
>>414695
>what should be the consequence for failing to cross a very fast moving river on a log, and then failing to grab onto the side of the river?
He falls into the river and loses some HP plus perhaps gains a lingering injury, if you're playing a rough game. You can then either have him make it back to the original point somehow, or have it flush him into some part of the dungeon, for example, splitting the party.
>If you can't lose anything, what's the point of having a chance of failure at all?
When have I ever implied you can't lose anything?
>He was a level 1 elf of unknown class and edition, it's likely he had very little max health and the damage roll for the sharp rocks had a chance to kill him but no chance to kill other characters in the party.
Well then just make him roll it and if he dies, he dies. He can roll a new character. If you're uncomfortable with this outcome, you shouldn't have put a fucking river with sharp rocks into your adventure in the first place.
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No.415867
>>415862
>He falls into the river and loses some HP plus perhaps gains a lingering injury, if you're playing a rough game.
So you agree with me here? >>414771 >>414796
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No.415872
>>415867
Yeah. It sounds perfectly reasonable.
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No.415878
>>415860
Gimmicky tripfags would only occasionally have a funny moment that was worth remembering. It was the law of averages at work. Only problem is that regular users tend to remember the 99 times out of 100 other times that some tripfag showed up in a thread and tried really hard to be the star of the fucking show, demanding attention, and attempting to be "le epic funnyman XD" and then pretended that they haven't been a giant faggot and that people complaining about tripfags were the real problem.
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No.415996
>>415862
Why do you guys insist on fall damage when falling into a river from a log, just how damn high is this log?
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No.416045
>>415996
>fall damage
never implied such a thing. Falling in a river big enough to a check to cross means there will be a strong current, which will drag you across the rocks + maybe drown you, and you'll get fucked up
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No.416052
>>416045
>which will drag you across the rocks + maybe drown you
Nigger that's not how rivers work, the under current doesn't move at the same speed as the surface so all rivers are checked to see if it's safe to cross as a matter of course.
And strong enough to be dragged on to the surface immediately? Wholly fucking shit the only river I know of that does that is in England, impossible to escape, and you're pretty much dead if you so much as put your hand in it from the edge because the under current is so strong it pulls you in with a force no human can resist. Oh and it's surface is perfectly calm so you'd never know by looking at it.
The more I'm hearing your reasoning the more shit it is, at least for a simple river.
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No.416073
>>416052
>muh weelism
Jesus, you people are one of the biggest of the innumerable cancers killing this hobby. I'd reccomend promptly appologizing to any group of gamers who have had the displeasure of playing with you then jumping into that river you described.
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No.416074
>>416052
Well, my negro friend, if it's a tiny, shitty "river" then you can just cross it on foot without some shitty log acrobacy and thus do not need to make agility check. Since crossing on a log IS necessary, it implies that the river cannot be crossed this way, ergo it is either too deep (in which case you could simply swim across, so that's not it either) or the fucking current is too strong.
I don't even know what the fuck you're trying to say with the rest of your ramblings. No shit rivers are checked to see if they're safe to cross, which is why the character opted to cross using the fucking log instead of just walking or swimming across.
>Wholly fucking shit the only river I know of that does that is in England
Maybe if you lifted your fucking ass from your sperm and cheeto encrusted throne and went outside, you'd find plenty of fucking rivers that are dangerous as fuck to try and swim across. Hell, even if you just opened the fucking web browser and checked on how many people die by being dragged by the current and drowning, you'd realise what a goddamn fucking retard you are. That's not to mention that this is a fictional setting where one can indeed encounter big as fuck rivers with big as fuck currents.
Go jump in a river, you nigger.
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No.416075
>>416073
No need to be so salty. I remember one of my characters falling into a river once and failing the swim check. Instead of arguing about it, the DM merely asked what gear I was wearing, then said leather is insanely hard to swim in when wet, and furthermore a backpack with 100lbs of gear almost PLUS now getting full of water is gonna assuredly drown me unless I doff gear and make the applicable rolls. Realism can be a detriment, but it also establishes why the rolls are made in the first place.
polite sage because this discussion feels less about common sense, and more about "I have to win this talk".
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No.416106
>>416075
I'm talking about niggers who fucking shut down the game to argue with the GM about percieved need to have 100% realism in the game. If the GM wants to inject that stuff into their game, more power to them.
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No.416131
>>416073
>>416106
I'd seriously raise an eyebrow to any DM who makes up an extremely simplified set of rules that end up being deadlier then raw which is already pretty punishing for same scenario.
>>416074
>or the fucking current is too strong.
You've already established the river is too strong for the Elf but nobody else so the river's strength isn't so certain. Likely he could just remain as buoyant as possible, keeping his head above the water's level while moving in a diagonal direction as the river takes him down it's path. Unless you think you should get 1d4 for kneescrape-tier damage he'd be fine but need to treat his mild cuts on the legs for infection. Possibly losing some gear in the whole ordeal.
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No.416293
This happened about a year and a half ago. Apologies in advance for the length and granularity, but I want you all to understand how stressful it is to have literally almost every roll from one party member capable of screwing up an encounter or killing someone.
Party:
• D&D3.5e campaign with level 8 characters; dragon shaman and sorcerer had been playing together previously but the rest of us were new
• Human cleric (me) of Pelor specializing in healing because we needed a healer. Decently well-rounded stats with bonus ranks in social skills. I rolled him to be an insufferable yuppie cleric who would act as the party's face. Hails from a fabulously wealthy family.
• Lizardfolk barbarian with huge guts and INT & CHA as dump stats who specialized in craft: taxidermy to make trophies of the enemies we kill. His player is inexperienced but plays his character well. Regularly has damage modifiers of 40+.
• Human dragon shaman. Can channel a lightning breath weapon and has a ring which lets him transform into a young dragon once per day. Experienced player, but never really role-plays.
• Half-elf sniper ranger. Just likes rolling dice. Zero role-playing.
• Human sorcerer specializing in wild magic. Technically role-plays, but he's LE CHAOTIC NEUTRAL which means he acts like a shithead and calls it role-playing. Somewhat autistic.
◦ You know what wild magic does? You roll a d6 and a d20 before you cast any spell that isn't a 0-level spell. The d6 might make your spell stronger, but if the d20 rolls a 13 you consult a (homebrew) list of 10,000 possible effects and the spell is replaced by something on that list, chosen randomly.
Setting:
• Overarching goal concerns lifting the curse from a quartet of cursed elemental orbs, yadda yadda doomsday, yadda yadda necrotic damage if you lose possession of them. The previous party (dragon shaman, sorcerer, some other guy who left the campaign) had been carrying around a bag of all four elemental orbs. The bag had been made of mithril, which prevented them from being cursed by the orbs' power, but one of the sorcerer's wild magic surges had turned the bag and quite a lot of other stuff to adamantine, which meant it cursed him and the dragon shaman a while ago.
• Our current setting is an archipelago full of merfolk and lizardfolk, who are being attacked by salamanders to the point many of them are fleeing the region. My character is an arrogant, foppish cleric tasked by his church with "sorting out that fucking lizard problem" and getting things back to normal so his kingdom won't have to put up with the influx of lizardfolk.
• To that end he's enlisted the lizardfolk barbarian as a guide for his yacht which he's sailing around the archipelago in search of clues, and the half-elf ranger as a bodyguard.
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No.416294
>>416293
>First session starts off with a bang when the DM grabs a bag of MLP miniatures and tosses them onto the map for us to use as our characters
>Consider going along with it but Rarity was already taken by the sorcerer
>The party meets up, etc. and the previous members explain the situation to us
>We venture to a small, unnamed island and as soon as we make landfall my cleric jumps out and rechristens it to my character's name while jamming a flag with my family crest into the beach
>Barbarian succeeds on his knowledge check to know what a flag is, so he doesn't take kindly to it, but that isn't the problem. The problem is the wild magic sorcerer.
>Sorcerer was way more opposed to me claiming the island than the barbarian
>I don't know if his character had any justification for giving a shit, but the flag stood where it was before the barbarian took it down
>I don't think the sorcerer appreciated the DM changing the map from "Island 8" to the new name, but I loved it
>I'm improvising at this point and establish my cleric as having a collection of these flags on his yacht which he brought along for just such an occasion
>I didn't have any interest in the island because I'd cast Detect Poison on the glowing purple flowers that covered it and didn't like what I saw
>Sorcerer was the only one dumb enough to pick the flowers, and he didn't cast Detect Magic or do anything to see what they were
>After spending a night with these flowers in his pocket, the sorcerer awakes to realize he's suffered 2 points of ability damage in WIS and INT each
>The DM informs us the flowers are magical, but their magic emits radiation
>I should also tell you one of the items the sorcerer had "acquired" in previous sessions was the not!One Ring, which one of his wild magic surges had turned into the One String
>The sorcerer, upon realizing these flowers are poisoning him, does what any normal person would do and dons the One String to sneak into the captain's cabin and irradiate his flags
>He decides to do this at dawn, while my character is praying and preparing spells
>I want you to imagine an autistic skin-and-bones horsefucker saying "I sneak into his quarters and rub the flowers all over his flags!" with a Spurdo-like grin on his face
>Sorcerer sneaks in only to discover the small compartment of flags under my cleric's bed is, surprisingly, fucking locked
>My character doesn't hear enough to warrant being suspicious so I call out to the dragon shaman, who tells me he's sleeping in the bunks downstairs
>Sorcerer attempts to Knock open the lock on the flag compartment, but the DM informs him that would rather defeat the point of stealth
>Defeated, sorcerer sneaks back out and removes the One String
>DM rolls to see if any not!ring wraiths appear
>Pause
>Heavy sigh
>"Alright, roll initiative while I find the map for a caravel in 3.5"
>Two wraiths with greatswords spawn in, and two party members are still asleep
>Dragon shaman, who was awake, runs upstairs and transforms into a dragon to grapple one wraith
>Sorcerer flees to captain's cabin, locks the door
>My cleric needs to ask him what's going on four or five times before he gets a straight answer, which is poor news considering he prays before donning his armour and he takes great pride in his yacht not being destroyed by wraiths
>>At least the figurehead of himself, shirtless, will be okay
>Walk outside, make a Greater Turn Undead check in place of a normal one thanks to a class feature
>Just enough to destroy one wraith as the dragon throws the other overboard
>Crisis averted
>Party confronts sorcerer as to why he was invisible in the captain's cabin
>"It was a prank. I'm sorry."
>Dragon shaman, having seen this happen before, removes the One String and throws it overboard
>>DM notes the walking speed of a wraith in full plate at the bottom of the ocean, just in case
>Sorcerer tries to cast a spell and is immediately dogpiled by barbarian and my cleric
>Restrain urge to throw him overboard
>As the party describes their day, I browse the cleric spell list and discover the interaction between the Bestow Curse spell and the Brew Potion feat
>Did you know you can invent your own potion in 3.5 as long as it isn't too mechanically powerful?
>"Uh, yeah, I'll stay on the ship and brew up a potion while you guys explore this island"
>What should be a routine combat encounter nearly turns into a party wipe because the healer isn't there and sorcerer has another wild magic surge which gives a drake a set of full plate armour, making it almost impossible to hit
>Meanwhile, the curse I've invented is a doozy: target's body is covered in my cleric's family crest & colours, tonnes of social penalties, takes huge penalties to arguing with my cleric, etc.
>And now we wait
>Turns out I shouldn't have waited because the day after the potion is brewed, sorcerer has another wild magic surge and his saving throws become jacked
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No.416296
>>416294
Several sessions later:
>Se infiltrate the salamanders' main island
>The reason we can get there by penetrating the giant sphere of smoke and ash surrounding the island is because we hijacked one of the salamanders' metal ships earlier after going to a merfolk settlement they had razed
>During that fight, sorcerer wild surged again, which meant his eyes "appear to have small fish swimming in them" – this obstructs his vision and makes spells less accurate
>We have a salamander hostage and the captain's door is also glowing as brightly as the sun thanks to another wild magic surge, which makes picking the lock a real pain
>Anyway, none of us know how to work a steam-powered ship (my cleric's background in recreational yachting is surprisingly not relevant), and we almost blow it up before resting for the night
>The next morning, we do blow up the boiler and the sorcerer almost dies because he was manning it
>>The DM describes the boiler as being powered by a steam elemental or something, and Sorcerer’s player instantly starts moaning about how we need to save it, and spare the life of the salamander we took prisoner
>>"you're aware the salamanders have been committing genocide, right?"
>>"well, yeah, but this one COULD become a good person!"
>My cleric doesn't have much reason to save the sorcerer’s life but the two of them move from the boiling air belowdecks to the safety of the main deck
>This is the best chance he'll ever have to spike the sorcerer since he's unconscious, which usually makes will saves pretty tough
>the DM rules a huge penalty and sorcerer fails his roll as everyone else at the table laughs like hyenas
>I pass him the curse description, and for once he shuts the fuck up while reading it before rifling through his character sheets
>The rest of us sort out the ship and hail my yacht, which had been following at a distance
I will freely admit I am nor familiar with the various spell lists in 3.5e, but did you know sorcerers can cast Remove Curse? Did you know it didn't count as being outside of the sorcerer's specialty domain (fire) so he had the smallest chance possible to wild magic surge? I fucking didn't.
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No.416297
>>416296
>Naturally the dumbass cures himself like it's nothing; even the DM is bummed
>But I am a patient man, and as fate would have it, I wouldn't need to do anything
>We sail to the main island home of the salamanders
>We attempt to kill our hostage, but he manages to slip away just long enough to sound an alarm, alerting one of the patrolling ships to our disguise
>It starts launching fireballs at us, most of which miss but some of which scuff the paint on my yacht
>This is unacceptable
>The wizard and the dragon shaman are able to fly over to the ship, but all I can do is cast Air Walk on myself and start booking it (Air Walk lasts for 10min/caster level, so 1:20, which becomes relevant)
>The ranger and barbarian sit on the yacht, wondering why the fuck they didn't roll casters in a game of D&D3.5e
>The enemy ship is dispatched and scuttled shortly, and we sail around to a sheltered side of the island
At this point I should state that the way we would stop the salamanders is by closing a portal to the elemental plane of fire, which we deduce to be at the top of the giant black tower on the island. This would require the work of the dedicated ritualists and their bodyguards, who were sailing with us, and would have the additional benefit from removing a curse from the elemental orb of fire.
>Make our way inland, avoiding patrols by going through rocky hills
>We discover a tunnel, go through it, and discover a door leading to the base of the tower
>Our DM is kind of a fuckant, so naturally the doorknob has poison on it and it deals a shit tonne of CON damage to the dragon shaman, halving his HP, and ultimatly leading to his death later (his is replcaed with a sort of cleric wizard)
>The next three or four sessions are filled with fighting and traps fucking everywhere
>We slog through three or four floors of enemies, combat rooms, and trapped doors; highlights include:
<Using an amulet of Perfect Stasis on a smoke monster and trying not to think about what'll happen if one of us walks into a smoke particle frozen in space
<Me using air walk to climb five floors of a magical elevator shaft and piggyback up the entire party plus the retinue of ritualists and their bodyguards, one at a time
<Using the headless corpse of a fire-immune enemy to make a gap in a wall of fire
<Realizing the arthritic, obese Sorcerer is overencumbered because of all the random shit he collects "because it'll all be useful at some point!" ‒ so he commandeers a bag of holding
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No.416298
>>416297
>At length, we reach the top of the tower, exhausted, and the only reason we hadn't run out of magic was due to a few potions and a level up
>The final boss is an ifreet whom we nearly kill before he planeshifts to the elemental plane of fire
>We encounter him again on top of the tower where the portal is, surrounded by gigantic fire elementals
>The fight is tough, but the Cleric Wizard helps by casting Stone Shape three or four times to immobilize the ifreet for several rounds
>Sorcerer, who has been running on fumes much of this time, is burning low-level spell slots as higher level spell slots, which means he takes big penalties to wild magic surges, which means he's been surging a lot
>Most of them have been harmless, but after the Cleric Wizard uses shape stone to drop the ifreet through the ground into the floor below, Sorcerer surges again and two additional ifreets appear
>At the table, we start freaking out because these guys can cast tonnes of spells at will and more or less murder anyone in the party with a full-round attack
>"well, maybe they're phantasmal"
>We take pot shots at each of the new ifreets, and they disappear after we damage them
>Huge sigh of relief, they're obviously phantasmal
>Several rounds later, the DM asks the barbarian to make a listen check, which he fails
>Oh
>Turns out ifreets can just turn invisible once per day and barbarian gets ambushed in the middle of combat and drops to -9 HP
>O-oh
>Chaos ensues
>Sorcerer tries to stabilize the Barbarian with a healing potion
>He is successful, but the ifreet gets an opportunity attack, crits, and deals upwards of 50 damage to kill him instantly
>The barbarian player remarks how ironic it is the sorcerer's own wild magic surge killed him
>His last moments were spent bleeding out, desperately pawing through his belongings, trying to find something in his bag of garbage to save him
>Barbarian player and I lose our shit laughing at this mental image, but after a bit we calm down
>My cleric uses his last spell and a triple-spell potion to heal the barbarian up to nearly full HP
>The ranger, equipped with a magic bow, quietly deals roughly a million damage and kills every single enemy over the next few turns
>Huge sigh of relief, partly due to defeating the ifreets, but mostly because the sorcerer is dead
The wild magic sorcerer was dead, hoist by his own petard, and the party had saved the day. The cleric got saddled with a new quest to lift his curse, the ranger got a sweet new bow from the dragon shaman's corpse, and the barbarian got to drown in lizard cloaca at the lizardfolk's celebratory feast.
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No.416313
>>416293
> list of 10,000 possible effects
I wonder if he just used a copypasta of FATALs miscast table, I'm pretty sure that was 10,000.
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No.416373
>>416313
I asked the guy doing chargen in the FATAL thread and apparently that list is only 2,000 entries long.
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No.416404
>party fighting dragon on floating platform way up in the sky
>everybody rolling pretty well, not hurt too much
>kill dragon while it's midair over the side
>it falls to the land below
>player (barbarian): We can't lose it, it's got loot. I'm going after it. *runs toward edge*
>everyone: You're going to die.
>player: The GM wouldn't make it so high that we'd die. What if we fell off during the battle?
>GM: There's no tension without stakes. Don't be retarded. You're going to die. It's a big dragon's corpse and you saw more or less where it fell. Not hard to find, if you just wait a second-
>player: GERONIMOOOOOOO
>GM: *rolling dice* Roll to break the fall and then save for massive damage
>player: wait what
>GM: *quick maths* Never mind, still too much damage. The rest of the party hears you shout all the way to the bottom followed by a crunchy splat.
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No.416699
Not particularly entertaining but it feels stupid.
>The party gets trapped in a demiplane created by a wizard who just collects magical items
>In order to leave, we have to give him our magical items
>He says he wants to give us some items he wants to get rid of, and shows us the room of items
>Bunch of really decent items including a neat upgrade for my sorcerer
>Rogue finds a bottle with an eye floating in some liquid
>My sorcerer examines it; and thinks its an eye of great evil. Tell the rogue.
>Rogue disregards information and looks deep into the eye
>it makes him gouge out his own eye and replace it with the evil one... otherwise, seems fine
>leave the demiplane afterwards, continue adventuring as normal
>learn that the evil eye belongs to some entity that has his body parts scattered all over, and each has a modicum of his power. Those who use it have a chance to lose their soul to him. The more they use it, the worse it gets
>One of the spells in the eye is Disintegrate
>Over the course of the adventure, the rogue proceeds to use Disintegrate on
-a chair (to test it, he says)
-fog
-drunk npcs he got into a fight with
-the person he was trying to save from the drunk npcs
-an illusion (that he knew was an illusion, he just wanted to get rid of it)
>not a single enemy
>the final one had his soul stolen, insta death.
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No.416780
>Flame princess
>Campaign starts in a magical prison with the only exit being a gauntlet of underground threats
>We roll for characters and go down into the abyss through lift
>One PC randomly yells in a monster infested cave
>Giant birds of death come down and eat us
>TPK in the first 2 minutes of the game
>GM has a strict "no backup characters" rule (which I think it's kinda dumb but well)
>We decide to call it a night.
>The player that killed us found it funny
>I didn't like the fact that I drove over 2 hours for 2 minutes of game.
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No.416783
>>416699
>Rogue disregards information and looks deep into the eye
>it makes him gouge out his own eye and replace it with
So your GM gave you the Eye of Vecna. Expect your friend's Left Hand to be lost next, too.
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No.416798
>>416780
Your GM sounds like kind of a faggot.
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No.416813
>>416780
>GM has a strict "no backup characters" rule (which I think it's kinda dumb but well)
In a system where you can die in 2 or 3 hits?
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No.416860
>>416404
I had a player a little like that.
Ever hear of grimtooth's traps? I made an evening's diversions exclusively from Grimtooth's offerings. The party learned to hate rice paper.
Doorway out, long hallway. In the dim light the party can just make out a solid, wooden door at the other end.
Bard makes a run for it, giggling and singing irish drinking songs all the way.
Paladin grabs the poor boy, ties a knot with his silk rope and lets him go.
Floor of hallway rises, snaps the rope clean.
Falling straight down now, the bard fails his fall/fly checks, goes straight through the rice-paper-door to impale himself on the spiked wall-now-floor.
Also, failed his climb check, as the door out, now, was up -- and it was filled with water, now all over the cobblestone walls. Hits the spikes again. But he and both his hitpoints make it up to the next room, letting the hallway balance back down to show itself, empty of bards and tidalwave sloshing towards the confused paladin.
I got the paladin, though. Final McGuffin in a room, protected by a giant hammer, poised against the wall.
Paladin stands as far away from it as possible, orders the kobold POW to grab the McGuffin.
Bard, now up to five HP, hides under the hammer, thinking it will swing way out and miss him.
Do you know this trap? The head falls off the giant haft, misses the bard by about an inch, and knocks the floor catywumpus, dumping the bard into 1d4-every-round acid.
Oh, and it catapults the paladin. I made him give me a 'fly' check: neg-7. He flies through the rice-paper roof, locates the spikes protecting the jeffries-tube-exit with his face, then misses the DC8 dex check to catch the shelf as he falls, so I'm kind and let him hang, LukeSkywalker style, from the shelf that hides the way out of this madhouse.
Ah, Grimtooth. I think we need to chat again.
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No.416893
>>416699
So what was it mechanically was it increasing penalty usage? Seems kind of dumb when cozying up to the Beholder cults can give you free disintegration eyes with the only drawback being that you're really ugly and Beholders hate you more.
>>416780
Has he ever heard of a campaign reset? That is a thing you know.
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No.417536
>Be me.
>Join a new group at a FLGS.
>Play in a campaign set in a city with rampant corruption and seedy criminal organizations.
>Party is sent to fantasy-chicago to investigate some mysterious plot hooks.
>Get stopped by a street gang shaking us down for money. Combat encounter ensues.
>After combat we decide to show some bravado as we try to make a name for our group and tell anyone who is watching us not to mess with us. Second combat encounter ensues.
>Decide to check the nearby apartment building. Third combat ensues.
>Another PC scratches his ass. Fourth combat encounter ensues.
>I try to interrogate one of the survivors but that starts the fifth combat encounter in a row and my ass gets three bolts from some faggots camping up in a balcony red wedding style. Being a level 1 party my pc went down and thats where we left off that 5 hour session
It seemed like the DM was trying to punish us for not moving on the the next event in the plot by copy pasting his first encounter over and over again. We didn't come back after that.
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No.417547
>>417536
>be me
You thought you could get away with posting that sort of shit here, faggot?
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No.418953
>>416780
If that's Lamentations of the Flame Princess and a no backup characters rule, rhat GM is both a moron and as big an asshole as the lolrandumb player.
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No.418978
>>404135
>>404159
>5e
>memes
>Adding crit fail to a non-crit fail system
Please fuck off back to reddit until you and the rest of the casuals are done with tabletop gaming as a trend.
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No.418982
>>404135
<Retarded deaths
>Embeds the Boromir scene
What?
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No.418984
>>418982
I was too lazy to look for something more suited and youtube does not have chinks killing themselves videos. Sorry for low effort, and if you have better idea for it you are welcome to write about it in meta thread.
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No.418985
>>418984
I would but there's already people writing about S8 of GoT in the meta.
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No.419008
>>418978
Anon, the OP is from December of last year.
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No.419323
>Bard
>Charisma 18/20
>Mind control spell
>I'm the puppet master
>First guy met. Meant to be a douchebad that teach us how to be adventurers.
>Minded him and mind controlling his boss.
>They are our bodyguards now
>Several quests later, everything is fine for Honeyknob the Bard.
>I'm bored of being a plot device unlocking everything with charisma checks.
>DM is really pissed because i'm breaking the railroad he built and always end winning.
>Fail at "throwing rock everyone dies" trope.
>Ship trip, 3 weeks in sea, we protect an diplomat.
>DM : do you want to do something on the boat ?
>All: no we are ok ty.
>Me : I will go to my cabin
>DM : Ok you are arrived.
>Wat, wait, i've bought a fish road and during the voyage i wanted to-
>NO YOU STAYED IN THE CABIN FOR 3 WEEKS NOT TALKING TO ANYONE NOW THEY SEE YOU AS A FREAK !
>Ok...
>Mind control diplomat.
>Letmedothetalking.mp3
>We arrive at the gates of an huge city.
>Diplomat and me : "we are sent to-
>I took a scorpion arrow in my chest.
>Instakill
>Why ?
>They were nervous, the diplomat was supposed to talk alone.
>My last words were "SET ME ON FIRE" because I was carrying a lot of inflammable things (oil, alchool, etc)
>The entire crew, the group and the diplomat where butchered after this failing to set me on fire.
>DM : this is your fault.
>Kek, ok you make my next character then.
>1/20 charisma, Persian-Iberian like architect-ingeneer who can't do a anything except building mills.
>Stopped my life of adventurer after the first quest
>This shit is too dangerous man, also I have the money that I want. Died of old age.
>DM, who's a close friend was pissed of during month after all of that. Saying that a whole campaign was put in the trash because of me.
>"You know, that do not work that way you can still use all of your ideas."
>NO I CAN'T
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No.419325
>>419323
Same guy, another story
>I'm GM on a Warcraft campaign.
>Party is in a Zepplin going to Durotar from Tanaris.
>Dragon lair on the path.
>They are mainly whelps, if you are quick enought or lucky you can-
>Shit they saw you.
>Group prepare to fight, canons out, spellcasters on the bridge, Half-Orc-Ogre Beastmaster is inside the Zep waiting for a target (he is not using ranged weapons, only a copper sword that got nicknamed after he killed the Alterac Ruins ogre leader with it, he then proceeded to upgrade his sword by enchanting/reinforcing it over time).
>It's a swarm, they are outnumbered.
>Terrible battle, a lot of crew members are killed during the fight.
>Beadtmaster ignites his sword.
>Try to fire all canons at the same time with a spinning move.
>Fumble.
>Me : You throw your sword out of the window
>Him : I'm throwing myself out of the window to retrieve it.
>He actually did during his fall
>Did you get a parachute ?
>... *silence* the others are laughting.
>Ok I give you a very little chance to surv-
>Fumble.
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No.419329
>>414451
Why did you have a Minotaur as a playable race itfp?
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No.419330
>>414505
>tabletop being (((mainstream)))
>good
Go fellate a gas canister, Chaim.
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No.419331
>>419323
>do you want to do anything on a trip
>no, i am good
>GOTCHA! You sit and do nothing for 3 weeks!
What a douche.
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No.419337
>>412980
>Troll Witch doctor (Warcraft) arrives in the group
>Paladin comes back from an unknown previous session fight.
>Heavily injured
>"Let me heal him"
>I do voodoo shit, taking the first critter I saw (squirel), cutting him in half and splashing intestines on paladin.
>Start to dance, making everyone around me dance as well or the magic will not work.
>GM is amused. I roll.
>Fumble
>Paladin covered with squirell blood dies of blood loss when everyone is dancing on him because I told da voodoo will cure da paladin.
>We already had a more competent healer in the group.
I was 12 btw.
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No.419359
>>419323
All he had to do was make Mind Control require constant maintenance so you couldn't pull off to much puppet master shenanigans. What a dick.
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No.419365
>>419323
>cause disruption with extreme stat and spell abuse
<get slapped down for it
>reroll with extreme stat and intent to cause disruption
Yeah I'll take a flyer on that for things that never happened and even if it did you would have deserved it.
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No.419410
>>419365
I forgot to say we randomized stats and made characters from what we got.
Also, did you read the whole thing ? I wasn't enjoying it, but the group did make some kind of sucess with me and I was the one who sweet talked every encounter.
I hate systems where charisma is used as a base stat. The point of roleplaying is playing a character, not saying "I persuade him" "OK roll a dice" (even if it wasn't like that) so even if I was eventually really convincing people in every situation by roleplaying it, even when it wasn't needed, I did not enjoyed being a key.
Everyone was pissed of after my death because they enjoyed the fact that we had some freedom on the railroad (that we still followed because we wanted the GM have some fun too). Also, I may still be able to show you my sheets, but it may took some time to ask my friend to find them and won't be a real proof I guess. Also it was wrote in French.
The idea was to talk about retarded player death. If I have to explain to you how the GM was an idiot by pointing every elements of what happened instead of most important ones you will end up bored saying "ok I understand, he does not want you to bypass his plans, stop"
He literally admitted later he made me an incapable character. I played it like an arabian carpet seller and he was pissed at first because I was enjoying playing as "Tanir" the "correct" way to pronounce "Daniel" (the name he gave to my character), even if I was incapable the group saw me as a good timid guy and liked me. He did not liked it either.
Everyone agreed that he should have talked to us and say he wanted me to make a new character (I would have done that). But he preffered throwing giant sabertooth tigers on the group and created IRL tension between us when everyone was shocked after he butchered us.
I may have been a jerk playing with his npcs (I was only able to MC one so I choosed them wisely) and solving every explosive situation only with my charisma. But the death was still totally retarded.
Why can't you enjoy reading other's experiences in the hobby ?
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No.419411
>>419410
Sounds like he is one of those DMs.
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No.419415
>>419410
>I forgot to say I was only pretending to be retarded
<I wasnt enjoying it which is why I post about it now
>thinking anyone reads this reddit posting crap
<So many fucking lines
>So many lines
<Like holy crap
>Be me
<with so many lines
>why can't you enjoy other's experiences?
because of faggots like you
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No.419416
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No.419424
>>419416
These actually got me into trying Shadowrun out, thanks to this now I can pop these out as 6th world news segments.
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No.423083
>Vampire: The Dark Ages
>A Ravnos PC is hunting for blood
>He notices a homeless guy sleeping in a ruined building
>Sneaks up on him, maybe even grabs the guy
>The homeless guy confronts the Ravnos: "What are you doing, vampire?"
>The player just sits there dumbfounded
>The homeless guy was a werewolf
>The Ravnos just stands there
>The werewolf continues to beat the vampire to a pulp or claw him to death
I was the Storyteller. I gave the Ravnos plenty of time to do something. I wanted him to escape, but he just sat there. I described the werewolf's actions slowly. I was waiting for him to react, but the player did nothing. He wasn't known for his Wits score.
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No.423089
I once blew up a planet challenging Kanye West to a Swag-Off.
Most of the rest of them are because my GM is a douche.
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