>>1023650 (OP)
>learn a language
It's *mainly* not about learning a language, but learning to think "algorithmically" I think. I have no idea how much time it takes to learn a language though, never measure that. Usually learning the basics of programming takes a one semester term at a university, in mine you do a three-day-a-week, 2-hours-each-day course over the course of about... 4 months? So you can do that in less if you're jobless/have the time and apply yourself. We learn C as an introductory language, and I think that should be everyone's introductory language, but if your plan is shorter-term you probably want to learn Python. I also hear Web programming (i.e. HTML, CSS, JavaScript and its frameworks) is hot right now but I feel resistant to touching that whole mess. But, hell, some people are willing to take up dirty work.
Bear in mind that what I said is a 4 months course is only for the basics. You follow it up by studying algorithms (especially trying to gain an appreciation for their performance, e.g. learning big-O notation and whatnot) and data structures, that takes another two courses, roughly. Plus there are many other things you want to be literate about, like binary arithmetic, and computer architectures, but perhaps as a self-learner you can learn that as it piques your curiosity, or out of necessity along the way. The best thing about learning computer things is that, since the internet was originally populated mainly by "computer people", their knowledge is shared around probably way more than any other area of expertise -- hell, it's out there out of neceessity. And even though that doesn't replace a college education, it can still get you a job if you apply yourself enough.