/random/ -Fuck my life

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File: fd2c39394a6bc58⋯.png (33.18 KB,185x110,37:22,ame.png)

Fuck my life Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 16:23:58 No.92342

Wall of vent incoming cause ive hit my breaking point after hitting my lowest low yet. Scroll past if youre not in the mood of dealing with depressing teenage bullshit because who can blame you?

idk if this is the right board for this btw and atp i dont even care anymore.

>Some context: Femanon here. 17. Indian.12th grade. You already know the rest: hard to get out of bed, pretending to go to school but actually whiling away time under a bridge, blah blah blah, constant voice telling me to kill myself, etc etc

Where do i even begin with this.

>Well lets start off with this: how hard is it to tell if someone is depressed? How hard is it when you live with them?

>am literally the textbook definition of a mentally ill person here and my parents do not give two fucks about it.

>In their eyes admitting that im depressed is the same as admitting that they fucked up in their parenting somewhere (THEY FUCKING DID) and that cant happen because theyre perfect parents who do no wrong and what right do i have to be sad because they had it so much worse?

>Mom says im not studying enough (i know im not, shut the fuck up about it im burnt out. IVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS.)

>Allows me no respite to collect myself basically.

>Ive never been too bright but my grades were above average and my interests were that of kids older than my age (that is: reading books instead of gossiping, being decent for a layman at chess, etc etc usual parent "omg my kid is a prodigy" bullshit.)

>Whenever i get bad grades im told that im smart and that i should be able to do this much with minimal effort.

>They say that they put a lot of money into my education because i was smart (implying that i better fucking be smart) which just adds to the stress of it. I just cant with these expectations. Theyre breaking me. (1/x)

____________________________

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 16:24:28 No.92343

>I used to self harm to deal before; i stopped doing it for a year now but now idk how to deal anymore. ive started "emotionally" self harming by deliberately reading literature that makes me depressed and shit, doom scrolling and convincing myself Im worth nothing and all that shit.

>Only thing sustaining my life rn is fantasies i live in my head. Fantasies of being someone i am not.

>Someone i will never be.

>When i try to talk to them about depression and maybe getting a therapist, ive barely brushed the subject when they go on a rant about how "they had it worse" and "i should be grateful" and how "they do their best" like fucking hell even if it is your fault im taking pains here not to blame you, why the fuck are you so against me seeking help.

>Why the fuck are you so narcissistic. Let me fucking live please i fucking beg. I bought some sherlock holmes books yesterday and when i was reading those my dad comes in and says "youre in your 12th you should be working hard and studying and not wasting time reading these books like a grandma" DOES THE TERM "BURNOUT" MEAN FUCKING NOTHING TO YOU??? IM AT THE END OF MY ROPE AND I TRIED TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF THROUGH NON-ELECTRONIC MEANS AND ALL I GET FOR THAT IS SCORN.

>im so done with this. i might kill myself soon. like. what do i even life for? the hope that itll get better? when i was a kid i thought itd get better once i was older. once i had more freedom.

>In my 10th life got worse. way worse. People said life gets better after this. Work hard now and youll be fine later.

>Said 11th is one of the most enjoyable times of life. I want to punch them in the face. if that truly was the highest time of my life then i guess ive fucking peaked in the depths of hell. (2/x)

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 16:24:55 No.92344

>Things have progressively got worse. I dont know how to deal anymore. I dont want to be happy because its not worth the effort anymore.

>I dont want to blame anyone and become a femcel or whatever either because im too pussy to hate any group unironically and whenever i try to i just tell myself "if you go this low you might as well kill yourself because theres no coming back."

>Im being forced to study for a degree i do not want bc women without qualifications dont get good marriages now (of fucking course theyre gonna arrange my marriage to a guy i barely know.)

>Is it too much to want to be married to someone I like? And not to a stranger? I dont even have "radical" ideas. Im completely fucking fine being a traditional wife and subservient to my husband if he treats me right. Who cares about "dignity", i love not having to work to live.

>But

>All my parents see me as is an object.

>All i want to do is waste away and rot in my bed.

Thats not even half of it.

>I have become a whore for attention. Male validation

>But whenever someone gives me enough attention, I lose all interest.

>There was this guy I really liked, like i imagined us married later living a happy life with kids kind of "liked." He gave me no attention and that drove me nuts. Then one time I was feeling particularly low I went to my bathroom and carved his initials on my hips (lightly, didnt even draw blood) and DMed it to him.

>He went all concerned and showered me with it. I lost all interest and ghosted him later

>I realized how bad this was when i talked about it to a friend of mine who is a literal femcel and even she said that he didnt deserve this.

>All people like me for is my fucking face, no one gives a shit about me as a person.

>Im a horrible fucking person

Cant even run away from home bc i live in fucking india and ill get raped and killed on day 2 of being homeless. (3/x)

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 17:36:47 No.92345

LOL

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 17:37:45 No.92346

try sucking off horse cock faggot

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 17:37:53 No.92347

sluts

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 17:41:09 No.92349

you should film your suicide

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 17:41:42 No.92350

fun

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 18:11:59 No.92351

>>92342

stopped reading after "Wall"

eat my shit

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Anonymous 07/27/23 (Thu) 18:13:39 No.92352

File: 15d6502d4ce2006⋯.mp4 (2.43 MB,400x220,20:11,SMILE.mp4)

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scatboy 07/27/23 (Thu) 22:20:59 No.92356

File: d849eacb447a607⋯.png (381.91 KB,640x480,4:3,me_room214.png)

You need to come see me in person at the Best Western in Branson, Missouri. Room 214.

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