/random/ - random

NOT 8KUN.....

but I'll do you one better :

My mother was absolutely the most intelligent human being I've ever known, and I have friends who are quantum physicists...

I'm going to tell you what my mother taught me when I was a young boy :

MEN WITH FACIAL HAIR HAVE SECRETS

they're hiding like cowards

Either they perceive themselves as not being masculine enough, so they grow facial hair as a needless declaration "IM A MAN", when everybody knew they were a man already.. the problem was inside of them, and not in the way other people viewed them.

the ONLY other reason men grow facial hair is TO HIDE A FACIAL FLAW....

Both of these reasons show a certain weakness of character and a decided Touch of cowardice and lack of self-confidence.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY:

ITS FILTHY....

Facial hair is a petri dish attached to your head...

It's a filthy net that traps bacteria fungus and viruses

Women find it disgusting....

there.... that's EGG ZACK LEE what my mother taught me when I was a child

( my mother used to be the top executive recruiter (corporate headhunter) in America, back in the days when there weren't any women doing executive recruiting...

She was the most successful executive recruiter in america, believe it or not

and she'd tell me "no matter how qualified an applicant might be, I would NEVER recommend someone with facial hair."

You are free to believe what you want to believe, and you can dismiss my mother's wisdom if you'd like....

But men who dismiss this wisdom are INSECURE CIWARDS, WHO FEEL INFERIOR, AND HIDE BEHIND A PATHOGEN-RIDDLED FACADE...

And if they would engage in this type of creepy multi-level psychological weakness over something like their own self perception, they will DEFINITELY be deceptive and cowardly in every other aspect of their lives

but yeah..... I get it.... I get it....

YOURE A MAN.......

MEN CAN GROW FACIAL HAIR...

YOURE NOT A WOMAN

YOURE A MAN

Curious why those men

are so worried that we

might not realize they're men

SUMMER BONUS GEM :

lol my mother was SO FUNNY and smart

I wish you could have heard her explain the bizarre creepy questionable psychology of men who manicure intricate weird designs into their facial hair

anything from a 'subtle' bridge that connects a goatee to sideburns... all the way to a Jackson Galaxy fagshow...

or Prince, and his stupid symbol beard...

my mom would RIP THEM TO SHREDS

And she would say it directly to their God damn face

but if bacteria, virions & fungi glowed in the dark.... men's beards would resemble neon signs....

And if you ever meet a woman who likes football, she's either lying or stupid as shit

Same thing goes for women who pretend they like facial hair

They're either lying comma or they are stupid white trash and they're not worth dating

I totally forgot to mention that my mother was Clairvoyant as fuck!!....

I could tell you stories that would make your eyes cross, but you probably wouldn't believe them.. you have been conditioned to disbelieve the type of stories I could tell you

but they're all 100% true

And three of my wives would testify to this fact if they were here right now

She was so clairvoyant, that it was actually very invasive.. she knew things that nobody knew, weird little embarrassing secrets that nobody knew.. she somehow just detected them from the universal energy field, and she was always right..

It used to piss me off when I was younger, and then I grew to really get a kick out of it, when I stopped worrying about her knowing about my dirty little secrets

But it's not just limited to her knowing weird little secrets, because she could actually pick up a telephone and call somebody across the country without even knowing their number

( back in the days of landlines, before cell phones)

She had a technique where she would take three stages:

1: pick up the handset and start pressing numbers blindly, hanging the phone up in the middle of dialing the numbers

2: the first step made her focus more clearly on a number she would Envision in her head, but she knew this more improved version still would have a couple numbers wrong.. so she would pick up the phone again, not even hold it to her head, and start pushing numbers, then hang the phone up

3: on the third time, she would actually have the number in her head. I witnessed her dial random numbers, and reached pay phones in parking lots all the way across america, and the person she was looking for pulled into the parking lot while the phone was ringing

100% TRUE..... ABSOLUTELY TRUE

And that's nothing. I could tell you other stories that would make your head cave in because it's so creepy how she was naturally clairvoyant, and did it with such Grace and ease

speaking of which: I recorded this tribute to her

If you ever meet a woman who doesn't mind kissing a man with a beard or mustache

She's just as likely to lick a public toilet seat

And the pathogens would be comparable

STAY AWAY FROM HER

BECAUSE SHES STUPID

I think I'm actually going to listen to my song I sequenced in tribute to my mother

And I'm going to roll a doobie

And when I'm done I'm going to tell you a story about back when I used to be a strip club DJ

And I think it will give you an added little insight into the beard discussion

BEARDS & MOUSTACHES :

a silent declaration of insecurity

damn this pot is SO sticky and delicious

FACIAL HAIR

their lack of self confidence isn't the only thing they'll be hiding

it's a HUGE character flaw

notice that I haven't included any gray area

because there isn't any

it's not a question in

it's chiseled in stone

BRB I have to call my wife and update the shopping list

okay I'm back....

I WAS A STRIP CLUB DJ FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS

You wouldn't believe how much pussy I used to get.. it's mind-boggling...

When you're getting that much pussy, you gain a certain sense of self-confidence, and you also gain the ability to BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH PEOPLE.....

including WOMEN........

In a situation where the average man would be walking on eggshells not to offend a woman, worried it might ruin his chances with her, I didn't give a fuck

(chances are I had already emptied my testicles into her several times anyway)

HERES FOOD FOR THOUGHT :

There's no way I could possibly tell you exactly HOW MANY TIMES I had chicks come up into my booth, and they'd ALL ASK THE SAME TWO QUESTIONS:

"what would you think if I got a boob job?"

or, almost as frequently:

"what would you think if I got a big tattoo right here?"

And I'd ALWAYS give the exact same answer:

"that would be THE 2ND STUPIDEST DECISION of your life!!..... the 1st being 'becoming a stripper' in the first place"

yes, it was designed to get a reaction out of them, and react they did.. but as they were making an angry face at me, I would interrupt them with my follow-up question :

"WHATS THE SINGLE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING ON A WOMAN??"

........they'd pause, (no longer mad at me)

and invariably, they'd reply........

"uhhhhh BIG BOOBS?"

or "A NICE ASS ??"

and I'd tell them"NOPE... WRONG!!"

"SELF-CONFIDENCE IS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING ABOUT ANYBODY... MAN OR WOMAN..."

" it doesn't matter if you're skinny or fat, if you've got a flat chest or one tit is much bigger than the other one, or if you have crossed eyes and buck teeth and a big nose and big elephant ears ... SELF-CONFIDENCE IS MAGNETIC!!!"

The same goes for men

Nobody gets to choose what we look like when we're born.... it's a roll of the dice, and beauty as we have been taught to perceive it, is actually quite rare....

But even if somebody was born with an unfortunate physicality, IF THEY OWN IT, EVERYBODY GRAVITATES TOWARDS THEM

and not surprisingly, the SMART and COOL strippers git the message....

and they'd run up on stage and SMILE

AND HAVE FUN....

SMALL TITS AND ALL

I had given them permission to free themselves of fear about what other people think of them

And once they had freed themselves of this needless burden, THEN they finally started HAVING FUN BEING WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE

They would become more playful, engaging the customers more, sticking their tiny tits out and watching the guys drool as they smiled down at them with a newfound sense of self confidence

And of course there were losers who were too stupid to free themselves, and they would end up with Hideous boob jobs and disgusting tattoos, literally destroying their bodies and ruining all of the intrinsic "girl next door" attributes that made them special

BEARDS & MOUSTACHES :

MENS EQUIVALENT OF A STUPID BOOB JOB

( and not surprisingly, the dancers who were happy with their imperfections ended up making much more money than the boob job skanks who were still never happy with themselves, even after getting the pathetic implants)

of course

BEARDS & MOUSTACHES :

You'll never find a happy self-confidence while you continue hiding what you perceive as imperfections