/nofap/ - Fappers Anonymous

>>17550

……

Then, ultimately, inevitably I dived into dark web, when it was cool and pretty serious, probably back when 2008-09. I've filled my poor brain with memories of disgusting and cheesy stuff. You just can't imagine. I couldn't stop because, mostly because I was first a 9year old kid when exposed to extreme imagery. it's probably laser encoded into my subconsciousness.

I have a brief history on drugs, lighter, common versions like bud, I've tried for a short time, not my type of joy.

I was an intense drinker, but always kept my sanity through, which I'm still proud to remember.

I did quit drugs, alcohol, and in a long shot, smoking. I was smoking since when I was 13. non-smoking for 2 years now..

Started body building, at home, until I probably got a primitive version of this covid, which nailed me into bed for 4-5 days and was extremely acute. I never use drugs or even painkillers. I have my own humble immune system built on tanking common diseases. but this one was different. Anyway I couldn't continue lifting because even I'm motivated and my mind was ready, I couldn't command my body. Its almost a year and still can't.

Whatever I do, Whatever I try, I just can not quit masturbating.

Just can't. Tried to proceed like how I quit smoking, didn't work.

nofapped for 2 days. OK. nofapepd for a week, rarely, OK.

but after a week or couple more days, I feel a change. I of course feel powerful but, at the same time, like a faggot. person of a literal definition of today's gay word.

cont.-—

>>17551

….

I just can't help it, I'm in deep depressive state because I want to quit porn and even internet, and fapping. I'm trying and trying, for about a year, everytime I pass 8-10 days I feel like alongside of powerful being, extremely faggy. it hurts. IT REALLY HURTS MY SOUL. people going stronger and straight'er, but I'm going reverse after sometime, it doesn't make sense.

Whoever I asked this, said they never had such sexual desire. I conducted TEST tests, my testosterone levels were pretty high. Though, I even bought a punching bag last month because I've had extreme feeling of competition in my life. I'm jealous against men of every women I have connection, here or there, little or big. I sometimes feel extremely manly around women, even my voice starts to murr deep unconsciously until I realize it.

I tried everything I saw, overfapping either. nothing worked. I tried, I read tutorials, discussions, boogey stories, glory stories… nothing works. I've quit drugs, smoking, alcohol, gluttony, luxury, vanity etc. in my life successfully, ANYTHING but FAPPING. getting myself absent in plain sight, crawling on the sofa like an asylum patient, didn't help. one way or another after a week and half or 2, I'm getting desires to become sexually passive. and I have lost it several times in last year. seriously overwhelming to even think about that.

Now, I'm fapping probably twice a week, because I'm afraid if I continue some more days, I'd lose in a bad way again. I don't want this.

Girls attract me, women I enjoy being covered around. I never liked men, seeing dicks disgust me, but though, I have a wide history of fapping to weird porn, including top of the iceberg stuff like like traps or shemales etc. this is why I told you about my net history. because this hurts me more than anything ever now. Just can't get rid of it, it's thoughts, anything related to sex. I'm still poor but I don't think that's the cause, because I can find things to busy myself with, reading books, boxing, playing tetris etc.

I'm accounting these past experiences as the reason I'm losing everytime I push nofap further. And I need some real help, some serious help, advice, trick, anything. this is probably the longest I've ever written on the internet ever. I'm so desperate I'll do anything not to have such gay feelings. getting absent from screen didn't help, my imagination takes control after a while.. reading bible didn't help either. I'm so desperate and sometimes I feel like I'd cry because of this. Please, help me. I told you everything that comes to my mind currently, I'll do ANYTHING to cooperate. jsut help me I'm so desperate.

English isn't my native, I hope I made my concern clearly.

Also this thread right here will probably be my lifes final steps on the cyber world. I don't like the internet anymore.

So, you feel powerful, yet also feel like a fag from not fapping? seems like a contradiction to me, don't stress too much about it, you have suffered enough, remember that fapping is a choice, and you already decided you will be better off not fapping, so just disregard the activity, don't let it occupy your mind for a moment, if you start having sexual thoughts don't entertain them for too long, accept them as they are a natural thing, just don't let them control your actions, from all that shit you indulged in while young, it's there with you and you will have to accept it, also, you will have to forgive yourself as to not let it keep controlling your life and actions, only when you accept yourself as you are know, traumas and all, you can strive to be better, and you will be if you don't continue dwelling in your past actions, you didn't kill anyone, you didn't rape anyone, you went to pull the cow's leg, reprehensible yes, but it could be worse, and you can be a lot better, remember that, and remember there's no real reason for fapping, by fapping you are extracting the very manliness from you, leaving you weaker and unmotivated to pursue the things you really want in life, that and effectively making yourself dumber and incapable of concentrating.

I've been indulging myself, fapping everyday for the last week, wasting my time, I'm 28 years old, thanks for sharing your story, reminded me of my own goals I've nee choosing to neglect, see it like this, we don't wanna enter our thirties addicted to fapping, grown man addicted to rubbing their own cocks for dopamine like laboratory rats?, no man, we can be better off.

>>17554

Thanks for the advice, I'm very grateful.

>if you start having sexual thoughts don't entertain them for too long, accept them as they are a natural thing, just don't let them control your actions

I'm currently fighting with that. Actually when I think about it, the faggotry induced out of nowhere is actually connected within the need of sex, and in that need of sex are my memories of watching shemales and stuff. You know I've been raised in 4chan and even if you pay excessive attention, weirdness catches you here but there. It goes in my subconsciousness as I guess, "I'm male and if I banished my own self for having male ways of sex, if I cannot have active pleasure, then as I know ways of passive pleasures, which do not even belong to male nature, I should use them".

I think this is the kernel thought which I should avoid and tame over time.

I quit using computer and internet regularly after opening this thread. This also seems to be quite effective. looks like it's been over 2 weeks, and once about 4-5 days ago I've got this extreme pressure of want of sexual pleasure, what you talked about above. Fought through it about an hour, tried to distract myself and kept reminding myself of reasons and not to be regretful again for few seconds of pleasure etc etc.

I've been through it and now in the last few days I've had couple of intensive headaches, which I think have to do with no fapping. I'm alright right now, whenever I have a glimpse of a sexual thought in my head, as soon as possible I think it's gross in any way and flesh is gross, it's just flesh and earthly endeavour which only animals do and I'm no human cattle.

it works. I think I can break thru this time. I'll come back sometime later. Take care anon. In anything about life, the sooner the good decision, the better everything.

>>17563

>>17550

Accept what I say is true and humble yourself.

You're an interconnected creature. If you can run well you can squat well. If you can type quickly you can flip a butterfly knife more easily. And importantly for you, if you have resolve in one part of your life it'll reach into others. Do small things that are annoying to do but are good for you (avoid sugar a few days, read a little, etc) and eventually it'll be easy for you to pick yourself up and run around the block. It'll ultimately set your sights on the long term.

The key to your gayness is incentivism, I'll explain: There's incentive in plucking hair off of a fallen piece of food and carefully cleaning it but it's not enough to outweigh the effort and loss before the gain. You can have sex with a man in the asshole but it's dirty, embarrassing, unclean, not as pleasant as a vagina, etc. Why pick clean the fallen food when you can toss it and claim an easier, greater bounty, and why approach a man when something far more pleasing is just the other way? This may seem like a parable, but just how self control grows within you, so does homosexuality. It's a behavioral disease. Identify what your habits where the gain doesn't outweigh the loss in the long term. Masturbation is one of them.

>>17550

About the bioenergy, I remember being a kid and playing Bloons Tower Defense 5 on my iPod outside in the cold, and it would be on the verge of dying, and then I'd try to warm it up with pressure from my hands, and it would actually regain a couple percent of charge. It was super weird and even then I knew there was something strange but wouldn't have guessed that. I mean maybe the heat was just making the voltage go up but not actually recharging it, but I'm still willing to give some weight to this theory as the battery seemed to be able to be kept going almost indefinitely this way rather than only going partially back up to where it went up to when I'd done it before.

just read this book:

https://easypeasymethod.org/easypeasy.pdf

and find a friend to talk to