anon's first serious attempt after years

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File: 4cde4eba8a8ce93⋯.jpg (36.94 KB, 612x792, 17:22, 4cde4eba8a8ce93e6547b413e0….jpg)

File: d6bb2081cf022f5⋯.mp4 (3.16 MB, 250x164, 125:82, gondola_medjed.mp4)

anon's first serious attempt after years Anonymous 07/16/19 (Tue) 04:15:07 No.17157

This will be the first time in a while that I've given a serious attempt to nofap. porn folder is deleted beyond recovery. I figure if there's any board on the website to blogpost about this topic on, this is that board.

I don't expect nofap to be any kind of magical cure-all. I have a truckload of personal issues that go well beyond my pornographic use. In fact, my whole motivation for quitting pornography at this time lies purely in saving 10+ hours a week and, by extension, rerouting that into something else. Probably something equally useless like video games honestly, I've never had a lot of self control. As things stand, here are some things I have implemented to attempt to mend broken paths, as it were.

Hygiene: My former tooth brushing habits tended to be once every five days or so. I will whittle that down to once every three days, two if they need them earlier depending on how much plaque my tongue feels. I will also shower once a week, rather than once every two weeks as I had previously been doing.

Exercise: Already started, going light at the beginning and building up. Currently consists of one set of awful-mediocre pushups, fifty of them, and one lap around a field near my residence.

Personal issues to sort out: pornographic addiction, this one I'm currently working on. Other issues to be sorted later, one bite at a time is my current strategy: severe commitment issues, severe miserliness, a deep proclivity to lying, (particularly about the aforementioned pornographic addiction) an odd feeling that I never grew up beyond being a teenager. (I'm currently 26, 27 in a month) This one is a particularly strange personal condition, but I do genuinely believe I never emotionally matured past 14 or so. No idea what to do about that. I also have zero self confidence. Not an ounce of it beyond acquiring what I need to survive.

Possible solutions I want to avoid: Dating as a fix. My current thoughts on this matter are that relying on someone else as a fixit for personal issues seems inherently faulty. My thoughts are also porn addled though, so I could be mistaken, but for the time being I'm going to work on internal fixes rather than external, at least until I can gauge how well they're working or not working.

Solutions I'm attempting: Mentioned previously, a light exercise regiment to begin. Will be cutting down on video game time by writing out journals with the intention to force self-reflection (which is what this is supposed to do) and more reading. The severe miserliness I've mentioned earlier prohibits me severely if I spend the money on something like a gym membership (I self flagellate pretty good over what I fancy to be frivolous spending of any sort, better to worry about later once I have progress on porn addiction under my belt.)

That does it for today's blogpost, which I will affectionately title "Day Zero." Don't worry about slogging through all this drivel, it's not worth slogging through. In fact, you would probably be better off just hiding the thread entirely, this is primarily for my benefit to sort out thoughts and plans, and posting it here seems unobtrusive since the board is slow, plus there are many other journal threads in the catalog at this time. Have some gondolas for even having to be afflicted with this barf of text.

____________________________

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Anonymous 07/18/19 (Thu) 05:03:52 No.17186

File: 99c38cd83eff4e2⋯.mp4 (7.04 MB, 724x720, 181:180, Triarii - Victoria.mp4)

Day two. Exercise routine still holding, will brush my teeth tonight marking my brushing from roughly 4-5 days to every two or so. I'm not as depressed tonight as I was last night. Lewd thoughts were definitely in greater abundance at work today, but thankfully they were at work so I could push them out with greater ease than I would have been able to at home. I think I detect a slight uptick in stamina. By that, I mean I was able to run my lap and be probably a quarter as winded as I had been when I initially began running. I never expected the body to start snapping into routine that quickly. Tomorrow I go for two laps, while I may or may not still remain at one set of fifty pushups.

3D girls are becoming somewhat more attractive now. This will not do, I did not begin this path to become emotionally dependent on some dame. One more distraction to abjectly ignore. Overall, I'd call today a solid improvement over yesterday for a number of reasons, the most prevalent being a general increase in mood and the increased stamina I had mentioned before. It is unfortunate the single thread of the three that actually had responses was deleted, and while I have saved my own journal entries I did not save the encouragement from other anons. It is appreciated though lads, although they're gone forever.

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Anonymous 07/18/19 (Thu) 14:55:05 No.17189

>>17186

>brushing teeth

I remember I was constantly at the dentist's because I had so many cavities at one point. After I had left I felt so dizzy and out of whack, like a mild out of body experience. It was so bad I swore to take great care of the teeth. You should floss as well every night because you'll always have something stuck in there. Don't end up like I did. It was horrible.

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Anonymous 07/19/19 (Fri) 01:44:58 No.17190

File: 2025e5c6eb4f4b1⋯.mp4 (5.31 MB, 724x720, 181:180, Triarii - Heaven & Hell.mp4)

Day Three. Weird day. Anger is a curious emotion. Felt it really sharp for roughly first half of day, but it tapers off. It's like a propane tank that just drains out with time. After that, sharp burst of energy, same as I had with the anger but this time without said anger. Finally, a crash of depression and matching lack of energy. However, the lack of energy was certainly psychological, as I was able to run to the bus stop roughly two blocks from my work, part of the way uphill without pausing until I was within sight of the stop itself. Another thing to note, during that bout of anger and the sharp burst of energy phase, my pain tolerance was much higher than normal. showered with water? didn't give a crap. Normally I hate that, which is unfortunate since I'm a bus washer and wear glasses. I should clarify that it wasn't a kind of erratic anger (the kind that makes you kick at inanimate objects because they fell on you due to your own retardation) that I always felt before I started nofap, it was a controlled, seething anger, largely homicidal, probably prompted by all the bollocks NPR thinks it can spew out with impunity every day. I always wondered why part of Fascist doctrine was ousting the left, and if they were the same center left faggots NPR is, I totally understand why they did it. Only news station the radios at my work have access too, unfortunately. The depression itself was pretty crushing too, but it has since dissipated without incident. I was wondering yesterday if the depression was a case of mood swings or something else, and I'm figuring that it's mood swings by and large.

In other notes, managed to run the two laps I had spoken of in the last journal entry. Winded me just as much as the single lap I had run on the first day. Haven't altered the pushups, they still take it out of me as is so I won't worry about them until they get too easy to do. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. There was no way I could have predicted today would go the way it has. But, one more day wrapped up.

>>17189

Yeah, I had a number of dental procedures myself within the past couple years or so. They were not nearly so bad as yours though, which is why I didn't really change up my teeth cleaning habits, at least not more than a week or so.

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Anonymous 07/20/19 (Sat) 03:04:39 No.17195

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Day four. The random porn pics on b2 don't cause so much as a twitch anymore, provided I hide them the second I see them. Work was more difficult than I had figured it would be. I was struggling to find some reason to stay sober and not go back to, what I thought at the time, would be welcome oblivion, doped out of my skull on this stuff. I could find no reason to stay sober and finally decided on a nihilistic approach that the conflict itself justified sobriety. A trial of fire and toughening up, as it were. Both this morning and on coming home from work I was afflicted by powerful urges, but I figured if I had the energy to want to go back to old ways I had the energy to run laps, which managed to stifle both cases of urges.

As for my current mood, it's hard to finger it. I'm just not sure where I'm at right now, Isolation would be the best descriptor, complete and total. Realizing I had no real reason to sober up, and the only reward for it was the struggle itself, was surprising to learn. That said, one more day defeated, onward to tomorrow, and one more step forward to slaying a dragon.

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Anonymous 07/21/19 (Sun) 07:22:12 No.17209

Back to Day Zero. I had a feeling the weekend would get the best of me. This is a failure, but not a complete failure, as I will not binge relapse and five days will have been a much longer streak than I have had in a very long time. However, another weekend will approach. What will I do then, when I have no obligation the next day to work, and so my time is my own to spend? I wonder if I should just stay outside for a time. Can't relapse when I'm outside, and I'll give myself ample space to work out whatever emotions are gathering within that I usually use porn to quell. Onwards to another attempt, regardless.

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Anonymous 07/21/19 (Sun) 13:17:19 No.17211

File: 532c0e12464e31f⋯.jpg (37.33 KB, 725x471, 725:471, mr miyagi.jpg)

>>17209

i did 7 days and then failed now im back on day 4 and feel better. nofap is real we must abstain. dont look at /b2/ or anything where you know there will be porn. no fiction movies with babes, nothing. keep your up and not on the ground where wenches dwell.

AGAIN!

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