I struggle a lot after relapses. This after relapse is a big reason why I end up relapsing again, I get nihilistic, say “fuck it” and just fap again mostly just because I feel disgusting over relapsing in the first place and the rest of my day is ruined by that relapse. While showering I realized I needed to find a way to alleviate this shame and it came to me quite literally while showering; the act of showering, not only washing away the distinctive masturbation stink, also truly felt purifying when I started to perceive it as a sort of healthy restart, a literal purification and exorcism of whatever filths I had immersed myself in earlier that day. I decided to make a pact with myself; every time I relapse I’m going to take a long and thorough shower before doing anything else, sometimes in silence, sometimes playing my favorite music, scrubbing the stink off my body, washing and conditioning my hair, brushing my teeth and flossing, shaving my stubble off, washing my face again after. 100% purification. That way I won’t feel what I feel even after I try and go do something productive after relapsing, I literally still have the stench of the consequences of my failures on my body. A shower is my reconciliation. To the anon reading this, doesn’t even have to be a shower, but if you have similar struggles after a relapse try and find something that will make you feel like you can get a fresh start. Meditating, going outside, exercise, anything, if you relapse you should do it after religiously, and try to perceive it as a purification and absolution from your mistake. Best to shower the stink off afterwards anyway, though. Pic related is a statue of Marcus Aurelius by the way
