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File: 28407568d576472⋯.gif (913.54 KB,512x288,16:9,Lotteass.gif)

34c625 No.215309 [Last50 Posts]

Doing a story about these panty raiders that go around stealing the panties of various monster girls. Let me know what you guys think, I'll update this weekly unless I get done with the entries sooner in which case I'll post them sooner.

Monster Girl City College, the campus that first introduced human and monster integration. For 300 years, it has been a social experiment to end the segregation that had plagued humans and monsters.

What ended up happening was unprecedented. The human and monster girl youth ended up getting along surprisingly well, their cultures being only slightly different with several key differences. Namely, monster society was more hedonistic in nature, and most monster girls possessed supernatural abilities. There were a lot of unwritten rules about sex and dating, pretty much all of them were monogamous and taking another monster girl’s mate was socially unacceptable. They often chose their mates by raping them, which although that sounds harsh, it’s really more of a ‘surprise sex you didn’t know you wanted’ sort of deal.

Of course, there’s always a few bad apples…

“Come along chaps, second class is up these sta-” Church paused, holding his cane in front of the two men following him. “-shit. We’ve got a problem.”

A group of satyros were loitering at the bottom of the staircase, giving a wide berth to any students who approached them.

“I don’t see no problem, they’re just hanging there.” Marshall said, scratching the back of his head. “I reckon if we just walked up to them they’d let us pass.”

“You don’t understand, Marshall.” Church glared at him, then lowered his cane. “It’s a matter of principle. Chap, the horn.”

A short russian man in a camouflage tracksuit poked his head from behind Marshall’s frame and produced an airhorn from his pocket, handing it to Church.

“Excellent. Watch and learn, dear boy.” He stuck his cane out in front of him and hobbled over to the group of unsuspecting satyros.

BWWWOOOOMP

In an instant, all the satyros had gone stiff as a board, and fainted where they stood.

“Haha! Jolly good show. Come along lads, we don’t want to be late, do we?” Church beckoned his friends to follow him up the stairs, Marshall took care not to step over the satyros’ sleeping bodies while Cheslav (called ‘Chap’ by Church) observed all the stares from the surrounding students with indifference.

***

“Alright lads, you know our plan for tonight. The gandharva dorm at midnight. I expect each and every one of you to be there. No excuses like last time. Chap.” Church spat, walking ahead of his friends with his usual cocksure attitude. His gait made him look taller than he actually was, which was still fairly shorter than Marshall who towered over both Church and Cheslav.

“Comrade, it was not my fault walmart had sale… on spam and Bits & Bites… and shashlik” Cheslav replied, holding his arms up defensively.

“That sale is still going on today, idiot. Have I told you recently that you disgust me?”

“Da, this morning.”

____________________________
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34c625 No.215310

“Shit, Walmart is having a sale on spam and Bits & Bites? I gotta get in on that!”

“You imbeciles!” Church spun around and faced his crew. “Have you forgotten why we do what we do?”

Marshall and Cheslav were quiet. It had been a year since they started doing this whole ‘panty raid’ thing. It was fun, if a bit risky. Even though Church wasn’t the most savory character he was an effective leader… sometimes. If the panties themselves weren’t rewarding enough, the rush was.

Though, they both knew that wasn’t why Church stole panties. They had since forgotten that.

“Uhhh, because it’s fun?” Marshall guessed.

Cheslav stayed silent, as he preferred to.

“You’re both unprincipled fools, you know that?” Church sighed, dragging his hand down his face. “It’s not about having fun, it’s about sending a message. A message that lets the monster heathens in this school know that they can’t just take a male’s submission for granted. We won’t be wooed by their feminine wiles, or allow their rape-happy behavior to go unchecked. They want to harass us in class, we take revenge on them at night. Tell me, you both don’t want to be claimed by Rapey Rachel do you?”

Both guys shook their heads.

“You steal panties, because it’s our way of rebelling against their hedonist grip over our minds! It’s our way of saying ‘fuck you slag, I won’t have any of your poor attempt at courting.’ You’re not idiots are you?”

“No, no we aren’t.” Marshall answers.

“Yes you are, actually. But you’re my idiots. I chose you two because you have a very particular set of skills.” Church turns to Cheslav. “Chap, you’re able to procure anything I need within a day. I don’t know how you do it, but you save me countless hours… days even.” He then turns to Marshall. “And you, you’re a 6 foot 4 yankee with retard strength, if I need a monster taken care of, I turn to you.”

“My ‘retard strength’ ain’t very useful against the stronger monsters, I usually-”

“You still distract them, that’s all I need from you.”

Marshall grumbled.

“So let’s do this, for our honor, and for our rebellion against the monster menace!” Church rallies, his voice full of morale.

“Oh, boy.” Cheslav cheered, though his voice was as devoid from enthusiasm as Marshall’s.

* * *

Esther was walking home from her night class- just before midnight. It was likely that all her roommates were asleep already, so she had to be quiet so she wouldn’t wake the- what the fuck?

There were three men walking down the sidewalk, gas masks over their faces and ear plugs sticking out of their ears. Also… were they wearing two eyepatches each?

“Marshall you fool, stop walking into me. You’re going to run me into the street!”

“Well excuse me, partner. I was the one that suggested we wait until we’re at the dorm to put the eyepatches on.”

“But what if they’re expecting us and stage an ambush! We’ve got to be prepared, boy.”

“Comraaades, of where did you go?”

“Is Chap lost again?”

“Yeah, jus’ a second Cheslav, I’ll bring ya up here.”

“Of thankings, Marshall.”

“Just hold onto the back of my shirt if that helps ya any.”

“Hold it boys, I think I’ve found the wall.”

“Alright, let’s follow it to the back.”

“Careful, don’t make too much- ow! What did I say about running into me Marshall!?”

“That wasn’t me, that was Cheslav.”

“Apologies, tovarisch.”

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34c625 No.215311

Only two things ran through Esther’s mind. ‘What the fuck am I watching?’ and ‘Why the fuck am I watching this?’ She turned and walked away, having decided not to bother telling her friends, figuring they’d think she’d gone off the deep end.

Once the trio had reached the backdoor, they took out their earplugs since they would have to whisper from now on. The plan was to jam them back in if they saw a gandharva wake up.

“Alright, this is the back door. Now all we need to do is-”

Click

“Shit, it’s locked.”

“Locked? Well dang it. How are we going to get in?” Marshall asked.

“Wait, check the windows!”

“This will take considerable stealth, and you know how I don’t really excel at stealth.” Marshall said, twiddling his thumbs.

“Well then somebody should have gone on a diet.” Church spat.

“Goddamn dude.”

Cheslav lifted the windows upwards, opening them with little effort.

“Jackpot, lads.” Church whispered. “Now, Chap goes first, then we will both help Marshall in, then I’ll go in last.”

“Da, one moment.” Cheslav surveys the window, then climbs inside, taking care not to raise any alarm.

“Put ass in gear, cowboy.”

“Alright, you pull me through while Church pushes me up.” Marshall reminds him.

With a few moments of effort from all parties, Marshall’s large frame is pushed through the window. In turn, Marshall pulls Church in by his arms, and they’re all in the dorm. They slip one of their eyepatches out of the way so they have at least some idea of where they are.

They’re in a bedroom, a sleeping gandharva lies about ten feet away from them. And next to her, a dresser filled with panties no doubt.

“We’ve done it lads, what luck.” Church whispers. “Nothing like a nice easy heist to break in the new semester.”

“We are not out of Chernyayevsky woods yet, tovarisch.” Cheslav warns, gesturing to the sleeping gandharva who stirs gently.

“Oh shit. Quick, if we hurry we won’t need to cover both our eyes again.” Church hissed. Marshall reacted first, opening the drawer and stuffing handfuls of panties into a backpack that Cheslav was holding open.

“Mmmmnnn…What’s all the racket? Esther is that… you?” The gandharva yawns, pausing when she opens her eyes and sees three men in gas masks wearing eyepatches.

“Quick, the earplugs!” Church snapped, prompting the three men to stuff the orange pieces of foam back into their ears.

“O-oh, are you here to have sex with me?” She whispers, though with their garb she assumed they didn’t want to see, hear or smell her. “…A-am I really that ugly though?”

“What?” Marshall asked, pulling out one of the earplugs.

“No! What are you doing, you bumpkin, you’re going to get swayed by her charms! Oh, blast it all. Let’s go Chap, Marshall can learn not to deviate from the plan on his own.” Church pulls Cheslav by his arm out the window, panties in tow.

“W-wait! Don’t leave- …Without… me.” Marshall reaches out to the open window, but before he can get close, the gandharva wraps her fluffy arms around him.

“Aw, fiddlesticks.”

“Wait, don’t leave yet! I need to know… why did you steal my panties? You know, if you had just asked, I would have given you mine.” She giggled.

“That ain’t the point, miss.” Marshall said, scratching the back of his head nervously. He hated explaining himself to the girls, it was just awkward.

The gandharva tilted her head. “So, why did you steal panties if you didn’t want them?”

In situations like these, Church had given him a canned response to use. “Erm, to send a message or some shit idunfuckinknow.”

“You’re a very confusing man.”

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34c625 No.215312

“You should talk to the others if you think I’m confusing.”

Silence.

“So…” She twiddled her wings. “Are we going to bang?”

“’Fraid not, I have to rendezvous with the others.”

“O-oh.” She looked down, dejected. “W-what if I sing you a song~” She croons, reaching up to touch his face. That was his cue.

“That’s what these are for, ma’am.” He said, stuffing the earplugs back in and hurdling out the window, leaving the poor gandharva to her own devices in her room, now several pairs of panties short.

“Aww. All the dreams I’ve had of getting fucked in my own dorm and I get the panty raiders.” She pouted, folding her arms.

* * *

Back at base, which was an abandoned portable classroom that the school no longer had any use for, all three of them had gathered around the table that lay in the middle of the room.

“Well boys, despite our complications we managed to make off with a good haul. I believe this one-” He held up a particularly new looking pair of beige silk panties. “-will be the one we hang up on the Wall of Triumph.” He beamed, then opened up a drawer that held empty picture frames with glass coverings. He carefully slipped the pair of panties inside, taking great care to keep them properly aligned and pressed relatively flat. Once it was situated in there, he hung it between the ‘f’ and ‘h’ sections of panties they’ve raided. They had a slot reserved for one of every species, though realistically they only planned to hit one or two of the “ultimate challenge” dorms.

“I think this calls for a celebration. PRUDENCE!” Church called, picking up a bell on the table and ringing it. “Get us a pot of Lady Grey- the lavender kind, one milk, and no sugar this time, woman.”

“You can bring a bowl of sugar cubes to the table.” Marshall adds. “And a cuppa ice.”

A small kikimora dressed in a culinary class maid outfit that was standing in the corner snapped to attention as Church literally yelled at her when she was less than thirty feet away. “C-coming right away, master!” She skittered off to the portable that was connected behind this one, which used to be a miniature kitchen. It was filled with snacks and other goodies that Cheslav kept stocked regularly.

“So. Who will be our quarry next, gentlemen?” Church spreads out a list that had the names of all the species of monsters that attended the college. “We’ve conquered the zombies, alps, gnomes, fairies, charbydis, centaurs, bicorns, barometz, gargoyles, holstaurs, angels, goblins and asparas. Now that we can cross the gandharvas from the list as well, I think it’s time we looked to more… ambitious runs.”

“Well, how ‘bout the Ushi oni?”

“Jesus christ, what are you thinking. I said ambitious, not suicidal!”

“I was just suggestin’ partner.”

“Well then, avoid ‘suggestin’’ in the future. What say you, Chap?”

“Cheslav wants to do alps next.”

“Christ Chap, are you a homosexual? We’ve already hit the alps! Are you planning on becoming one yourself?”

Cheslav looks down. “Alps were nice…”

Just then, Prudence came in with a tray containing a kettle, several cups of steaming tea, a bowl of sugar cubes and a glass of ice. “Are you wondering who to hit next?” She asked, giving Church his cup and passing Marshall his glass of ice, sliding the sugar cubes towards him as well. She passed Cheslav and shuddered. There was something about him, something that made her nervous around him. “H-hey Cheslav, here’s your tea!” She placed a cup in front of him.

“Of thankings, tovarisch.”

“Quiet woman, we aren’t asking for your rubbish opinion.” Church snapped. “We need to get more field experience before we hit the particularly dangerous dorms. We need a dormitory with a high population and members that aren’t impossible for a human to subdue.”

“Like alps?” Cheslav asked.

“Oh shut your mouth, you flaming poof.”

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34c625 No.215314

Marshall, watching the two argue, quickly grabbed a handful of sugar cubes and furiously stirred them into his tea. Once they were sufficiently dissolved he poured the hot tea into the ice cold glass.

“JESUS CHRIST MAN, WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO THAT TEA!?”

“Makin’ it drinkable.” He replied, taking a small sip.

“You make me sick.”

“You know what is not sick?” Cheslav piped in.

Marshall turned to Cheslav. “What would that be?”

“Alps!”

“We ain’t hitting the alps again. How about them wurms?”

“I’d rather not have to use a wheelchair to get around, thank you.” Church quipped, taking a pretentiously small sip of his tea and holding his pinky up.

“Alright, what about the elves?” Marshall suggested.

“Hmmm, they are a populated dorm, and I know I’d be able to take at least six of those knife-eared hippies myself… Let’s make a plan of attack then.”

“How about an afternoon strike? Most of ‘em take either early morning or late night classes and so most of ‘em are asleep around six PM.”

“Six-a-bong, is it? We get out of classes at four, so we need to prioritize speed instead of stealth. We can afford to get caught, but if we stick around too long, those damned beatniks might overwhelm us.” Church ponders. “I think this calls for… Lady Lifts-a-lot.”

“You know, you really oughta change that name.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you petulant fool, I chose that name because it properly describes her noble work.”

“Cheslav also likes name as it is.” Cheslav added, taking out a flask from his pocket and pouring some of its contents into his tea.

“See? Even the Russian dog agrees with me. So it’s settled then, we hit the elf dormitory this Wednesday at six in the afternoon. And if you must take advantage of that Bits & Bites sale, please do it before then.” He rested his face on his hand. “Meeting adjourned, clean up the sugar that Marshall left on the table Prudence.”

“Yes master.”

END OF CHAPTER 1

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34c625 No.215321

>>215314

This seems pretty fun so far.

I hope there is more coming soon!

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34c625 No.215384

File: b91a606d8d86ffe⋯.jpg (97.25 KB,600x600,1:1,boner land ahead.jpg)

my body is ready

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34c625 No.215610

File: 0b85a1e86ffcbf5⋯.gif (1.22 MB,255x199,255:199,1412337279334.gif)

>>215314

I'm looking forward to more of the misadventures of Church, Marshall and Cheslav, keep up the good shit writefag.

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34c625 No.215855

It was a quiet afternoon, some of the students were walking to and from their afternoon classes and amidst the crowd of students were the trio of panty thieves.

“Alright, it’s 5:50. We can reasonably expect a majority of the elves to be asleep at this time. Chap, the binoculars.”

“Da, right here comrade.” Cheslav pulled out a pair of what he had described as ‘X-ray’ binoculars and handed them to Church. It seemed the elves were more active than they anticipated, a large number sitting in a circle on the lower floor.

‘Probably singing a bloody kumbaya song or something.’ Church thought to himself. By his estimates, there were approximately fifty elves total. Aside from the human dormitory, it was the largest one.

“Alright, slight change of plans.” Church handed the binoculars back to Cheslav. “Chap, take Lady Lifts-a-Lot and station her on the northeast corner of the building. Marshall and I will go to the northwest corner for our entry. We enter through the second story window, I didn’t see any elves there.

“Wait, second story? How do you reckon we get up there without alerting the elves?”

“It’s simple, Marshall. I hold onto your back and you use your loutish strength to scale the wall. The little tree huggers have ivy running up the entire thing, so you won’t have any shortage of places to grab.”

“You might be overestimating my abilities a bit, partner.”

“You’d better pray I’m not, because you climbing that wall is our only ticket in.”

“Hope I still got it, then.” Marshall muttered, remembering his days on the military obstacle training course.

“Very well, let’s hop into action then. Chop chop!” He snapped his fingers, Cheslav ran with his arms behind his back off to where Lady Lifts-a-Lot was being held, while Church and Marshall bumbled their way behind the elf dormitory to the northwest side.

“You see that window right there, Marshall? That’s where you’re going to climb. And for God’s sake, do try to be quiet. I don’t want them to catch us with our trousers around our ankles.”

“I’ll do my best, partner.” Marshall cracked his neck, then his knuckles. “Don’t suffocate me when you’re hanging off my back.”

“I too will do my best, partner.” He wrapped his arms around Marshall’s shoulders. “Now, do your magic.”

Marshall sighed, approaching the ivy wall and grabbing the vines. They were thicker than normal ivy- likely to be some species native to their homeworld. Feeling somewhat more confident, he began to pull their combined weight up the wall. It was less trouble to pull both of their weights than he had thought, but as he got closer and closer their destination, he began to realize just how high off the ground he was, and the confidence in his grip faltered.

“Don’t fail me now, Marshall! We’re less than ten feet away from that window.”

“I-I’m tryin, it’s hard to concentrate knowing I’m one misstep away from certain death.”

“Tighten your grip, lad. Pretend the ivy are all ‘gubbamint officials’ trying to take away your guns.” He mocked.

“You can pry them from my cold!” He grabbed a handful of ivy and pulled up, bringing them several feet closer to the window. “Dead!” Another handful of ivy brought them just above the windowsill. “Hands!” He grabbed the edge, pulling himself up while simultaneously sliding the window up and pulling them inside the bathroom.

“Drat, it’s not a bedroom. Oh well, jolly good work Marshall. Let’s get to work, we don’t have much time until the bloody hippies hear us.” He hobbled out of the bathroom, searching for an empty bedroom.

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34c625 No.215856

As the two of them quietly snuck down the hallway, Church noticed in one of the open rooms there was an elf, nose deep in an old-looking book. He pulled Marshall to the side just out of her view.

“Bloody hell, do you think she saw us?” Church whispered, peeking around the corner. The elf was still quietly reading, it looked like the cover said “Rape Fantasies Vol. 23” or something. Her eyes drifted from her book to Church’s face, then back to her book, then snapped back to Church’s face.

“Shit, we’re too late. Marshall, subdue her!” He ordered.

“On it, partner.” Finally, a monster that he had a chance to actually restrain. He approached the elf as quickly as he could while still treading lightly, the elf looking around the room nervously. “S-subdue? O-oh my!” Thinking quickly, she took off her reading glasses, stood up and dropped them on the floor, bending over to pick them up. “I dropped my glasses, I can’t see anything without them. Ooooh, dear, If a big, burly man were to subdue all my holes, there wouldn’t be a thing I could do to stop him!”

Marshall almost stopped advancing, instead stopping in front of her, and picking up the glasses for her. “St-stop that.” He said, handing them over.

“Alright, I’m off to find a bedroom. You make sure she doesn’t alert the others by any means necessary.” Church gave Marshall a salute with his cane and continued down the hall.

Whelp, there Marshall was, in another awkward situation where he was alone with one of the girls. He held her shoulders firmly, but he wasn’t making any effort to restrain her otherwise. She just kind of stood there in front of him. She looked up and played with her hair.

“Sooooo… any means necessary huh?”

“Waaait a minute, before you get any ideas-”

“I’m just going to point out that I can’t tell anybody if you put something in my mouth~” She rubbed the back of her calf with her foot.

“Lord almighty, lady. I ain’t gonna rape ya. I’m not that kinda guy.”

She pursed her lips. “You’re not? But after aaaall that work to infiltrate my dorm and successfully catch me off guard, shouldn’t the winner take his spoils?”

“Look lady.” He pulled out a notecard and pen from his pockets. “You seem real nice and all, but I am not doing this here, where my friend is literally right down the hall. Here, you can have my number. We can go to a nice restaurant, maybe see a movie or somethin, but I don’t… rape women that I’ve only just met.”

“Wellll…” She considered his offer, then stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “What if I were to alert all the elves in the dorm right now, unless you… made an exception?” She grinned, smugly walking her fingers up his chest.

‘Oh for the love of pete.’ Marshall thought, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. ‘Think Marshall, think! You’ve gotten out of situations like this before.’ After furiously racking his brain for a solution, he noticed the rape fantasy book on the floor.

“H-how much do you like bondage, miss?” He stammered.

Her ears perked up. “Bondage? You mean like with ropes and stuff?”

“The one and only! You happen to be talking to a full blooded Texan!” He placed his hands on his belt proudly.

“Oooh! So you can use rope and stuff!”

“Correctamundo! But ya see, I left my rope back at the uh… my ranch! Yeah, my ranch. If you can stay here, completely silent, I’ll come back and show you how to hogtie a lady properlike.”

Her eyes were practically glowing with excitement. “Aww yeah! You got it Mr. Cowboy sir! Where do you want me?”

“Go inside that closet, and don’t you move from that there spot until I come back y’hear?” He said, pointing to the aforementioned closet and thanking his lucky stars that she was this gullible.

The elf nodded vigorously and quickly hid herself in the closet, giving him a conspiratorial thumbs up. He gave her a half-assed thumbs up in return before exiting the room.

‘Wow, I can NOT believe that worked.’ Marshall blew out a gentle sigh of relief and headed down the direction he saw Church go.

Meanwhile, Church had his own problems to deal with. He found an empty bedroom at the end of the hallway, but it was less empty than he had thought. After he had filled the backpack with precious cargo, a wood elf jumped out of the closet, bow in hand. She drew back a rubber arrow, fired, and it connected with his forehead.

“Ow! Damn you!” He picked up his cane and limped toward the elf, thrashing it wildly. “Let’s see how you like dealing with a practitioner of the gentlemen’s martial art: La canne!”

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34c625 No.215857

“La what now?” She asked before jumping back to avoid his cane connecting with her face. “Ah! Hey cut it out! Get back!” She tried to keep her distance from the madman, occasionally firing an arrow blindly in his direction. Neither of them were landing any hits on each other, and that’s when Marshall appeared in front of the doorway.

“Ah, about time you showed up, Marshall. I’ve got this hippie under control. You take the goods out to Lady Lifts-a-Lot.” He stopped chasing her momentarily to throw Marshall the backpack.

“A-alright, you got it partner.” Marshall caught the bag and turned to face the window at the far end of the hall, but blocking his way were about ten elves or so. All of them with deep frowns.

“Son of a bitch.”

“There he is, grab him!” One of the elves shouted, the rest of them charged Marshall, closing distance fast.

‘Great, how am I going to get past them? There’s just so many.’ Marshall panicked, it didn’t look like there was much hope of escape, but at the end of the hall he could see Cheslav waiting at the window with Lady Lifts-a-Lot.

‘Well, it’s a long shot, but I just might be able to charge right through them assuming they ain’t more than a hundred pounds or so each.’ He thought, taking a linebacker position that hearkened back to his days playing high school football.

“Right. Here goes nothin’.” He kicked off with his right leg as hard as he could, barreling into the mass of elves and knocking them over like bowling pins. After he turned around to survey the damage, he saw the elves lying in a heap. He had knocked the wind out of all of them.

“Are… are y’all okay?” He was about to check the pulse of the nearest elf when Church barrelled out of the room, the wood elf chasing him and firing an arrow that whizzed past his head.

“Dammit Marshall, no time to give these savages any sympathy, it’s time to go! Chap is waiting for us.”

“Alright, alright. I’m comin’ already!” Marshall started to pick up the pace again, but while Church was somehow able to pass him, the wood elf was gaining on Marshall.

“Throw open the window, Chap!” Church ordered.

Cheslav opened the window and got ready to grab the arms of whoever came out first, and help them onto Lady Lifts-a-Lot.

“Aaaaaaarrrrggghhh!” Church threw himself out of the window, Cheslav caught him and pulled him onto Lady Lifts-a-Lot with all his might.

Marshall was barely able to stay ahead of the elf, and when he threw himself out of the window and grabbed ahold of the edge of Lady Lifts-a-Lot, the elf nearly got ahold of his shirt collar.

“Haha, let’s get out of here, boys!” Church laughed triumphantly, pumping more gas onto their getaway hot air balloon, Lady Lifts-a-lot. All the wood elf could do was helplessly watch as three men made off with her panties.

“See you later, you knife-eared tart!” Church taunted, laughing as they slowly inched higher and higher in the sky.

The wood elf pulled back her bow and fired at them, the rubber arrow hitting Marshall in the rear.

“Ow! What in tarnation!?”

“Better luck next time!” Church continued to taunt the elf, while the elf shot arrows unceasingly at Marshall, being the most accessible target.

“Hey, stop that damn you! Ow! Fuck! Can’t you hurry it along any faster, Cheslav?”

“Nyet comrade!” He shouted from above.

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34c625 No.215858

Several minutes passed, Marshall was still getting shot at by the wood elf with troubling accuracy and Church was still taunting the elf.

“Should have been quicker, you…er- bloody… hippie!” He said, though with much less bravado and enthusiasm than before.

After a few more minutes, the wood elf had run out of arrows, and just stared at them, both bored and irritated that they were still this close to her. So close, yet she couldn’t reach them.

“Alright, this is taking too long.” Church conceded. “Chap, throw the rest of the sandbags down.”

“Say what!?” Marshall shouted as Cheslav threw some additional sandbags over the edge of the balloon. Within minutes, they were well on the way back to base.

***

Landing near their base, the trio stepped out of the balloon basket to find Prudence standing by to receive them.

“A-are all of you alright? There were a lot of-”

“Ah, Prudence, excellent timing. Be a dear and fold up Lady Lifts-a-lot’s balloon, would you? She’s delicate, so I won’t be having her sit outside.” Church said, cutting the kikimora off.

“…Yes, master, of course. In the shed again?”

“Damn it all, woman, you know it’s a hangar.”

“Pardon me, master! Maybe you could punish me for… my… oh.”

Halfway through her sentence, Church walked off, beckoning the other men to follow behind him.

Prudence sighed deeply, wishing her master knew how uncomfortable she felt about leaving his side. He could do whatever he wanted, shout at her, throw things… Even if he splashed a pot of tea she’d made wrong back into her face… And then her clothes would get all wet, and he could see through them, and maybe he’d bend her over the table, calling her a bad maid, and…

Prudence shook her head, trying to focus on the gargantuan task ahead of her. The entire balloon took nearly forever to fold up, though she’d been getting faster, what with Master Church asking her to fold it up so often. Maybe he was just testing her, making sure she was loyal and loved him…

And of course she did, how could she not? So handsome, his wonderful accent and he was just the perfect kind of classic master of the house, making sure she knew her place as his maid and nobody else’s. She didn’t want him to hit her, exactly, but there was something exciting about the way he told her to clean the floor when she dropped something, so firm and manly…

“Dammit, what absolutely shite taste!” Church curses, throwing pair after pair of plain, striped, and otherwise mundane panties out of the backpack and onto the floor. “All this work and not a single pair of panties worth keeping?”

“What about these?” Marshall pulled out a pair of tie-dye panties with floral markings on them.

“HA! I KNEW IT! THOSE TREE-FUCKING HIPPIES! ALL OF THEM LOVE THIS GARBAGE! Chap! Fetch me a frame!”

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34c625 No.215860

Cheslav opened the drawer and handed Church a fresh picture frame.

Taking the freshly-framed pair of underwear to the wall, Church walks down the line, looking for their place.

“Elves. E. E… E… L… K- wait. Kikimora? When did we…?”

Toward the back of the room, a bead of sweat rolled down Prudence’s cheek. Was he going to notice? Would he like them? It was her best pair, after all, the black ones with the frilly white-

“Ah, must’ve been that Friday we all had a bit too much to drink after the apsara raid. Two in one night, boys! We ought to do it again.”

Prudence’s ears drooped.

“Really? I don’t recall hitting the kikis either, and I reckon I was relatively sober that night.”

Prudence’s ears perked up again, her tail wagging behind her.

“What are you talking about you fool, you were most certainly hammered as the rest of us. You called Chap over there a little cowpoke and tried to brand him with the butt of your cigar.”

“Still hurts.” Cheslav complained.

Her ears drooped once more.

“Gentlemen.” Church turned his back to the table. “We’ve proven ourselves to be at least moderately competent panty raiders. I think it’s time we turned our attention to the less helpless dormitories. Our group is gaining notoriety, but we’re more of a passing rumor than a known threat. We need to strike a dorm that will send an unmistakable message that we are not to be taken lightly. We are not hitting a suicide dorm, just one that holds more risks than the ones we’ve done previously.”

Cheslav raised his hand.

“NO, we aren’t doing the alps.”

Cheslav lowered his hand.

“I’ve got a plan for a higher-value raid- a plan and our wits will get us through. The hinezumi.”

“Ain’t those them kung-fu fire mice? Shit, I don’t wanna have to fight ‘em.”

“Oh, there’ll be no need for that. With… THESE!”

Church dumps out a nearby bag, a number of water-guns and packages of balloons spilling out.

“Now then, pardner, take these.” Handing Marshall two small water pistols. “I believe you’ll find these to be familiar, you brutish cowboy.”

Church takes out a super soaker shotgun and slings it around his back. “This will be my weapon, since I’m the tactical commander of this operation.”

Church takes out another gun, with a pump that fired a continuous stream of water and handed it to Cheslav. “Chap, I trust you to be effective with this weapon. Do not fail me.”

“Da, enemy will not know what hit them.” He cocks the squirt gun, which was empty at the time so it expelled a puff of air.

“Prudence!” Church called out.

In an instant, Prudence was at his side. “Yes master?”

He handed her a glass of water. “Here you are, if one of them gets too close for comfort, splash them with this.”

‘He’s actually including me!’ Prudence thought, a goofy smile plastered on her face. “Thank you master! How else may I be of service?”

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34c625 No.215861

“Well, since you did soooo well on the angel mission…” He paced back and forth, pondering what task would best suit her. “…you can carry the extra water.”

“Oh.”

“We will strike Friday morning, they always train in their dojo from five to seven AM. They will all be in the dojo, and so as long as we steer clear of that room we will be golden. The water is just a contingency plan in case one of them is skipping out, or going to the bathroom.”

“Friday morning at five, got it.” Marshall said.

“Da, I come.”

With that, the meeting was adjourned.

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34c625 No.215868

File: 3afb3b469f65148⋯.png (193.75 KB,470x352,235:176,dorito.png)

>>215309

Am I doing it right?

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34c625 No.215882

Feel free to write more OP I'm interested enough

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34c625 No.215885

File: 34789acd8d02cfd⋯.png (124.8 KB,504x496,63:62,image.png)

>>215860

>Toward the back of the room, a bead of sweat rolled down Prudence’s cheek. Was he going to notice? Would he like them? It was her best pair, after all, the black ones with the frilly white-

A CUUUUUUUTE

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34c625 No.215975

File: 86fcdb0c7c3d8d6⋯.jpg (15.02 KB,205x246,5:6,1455258848074-3.jpg)

A Texan a britbong and a Slav in a elite panty thievery team. Mfw Marshal turns out to be the MVP and Momano magnet.

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34c625 No.216100

File: 85befa3e91eb134⋯.jpg (38.95 KB,435x269,435:269,image.jpg)

This reminds me of Ed, edd, and eddy and I love it.

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34c625 No.216154

File: d205f73953243e7⋯.png (719.41 KB,928x523,928:523,raiders.png)

This is good shit.

Keep up the good work OP.

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34c625 No.216501

More OP, please

this is guhreato daze

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34c625 No.216508

Prudence a qt

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34c625 No.216562

>>216501

More is coming, just gotta finish writing it among studying.

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34c625 No.216871

>>216562

Don't worry, take your time if you need to.

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34c625 No.216997

Marshall looked up at his clock, still half-asleep. 4:30. He laid there for a moment, unwilling to get up. It was too damned early for his taste, but he really ought to get up, it was already a miracle he’d woken up before his alarm in ten minut-

Suddenly, he felt a wet, disgusting sensation spread over his chest and sheets. Aw shit, was it that goblin he gave his number to? She was always talking about… No, it was too cold for that.

He looked around his mostly-bare room in a daze, the clock on his dresser as usual, his single poster on the wall, unchanged, but… Church stood at Marshall’s bedside, a pitcher in his hand.

“Goddammit, Church, what d’ya think you’re doin’?”

“You weren’t waking up fast enough, you oaf, so I decided to make certain that you did. By the way, your tea seems to have gone off.”

“What? The sweet tea? I made that last night!”

“I assure you, it’s completely undrinkable. Like petrol, really.”

“Fuck, Church, why’d ya go wastin’ my tea?!”

“Well, I seem to recall you yanks wasting our tea. 1773 ring any bells, boy?”

“What in tarnation are you on about?”

“December sixteenth? Though really, you’re wasting perfectly good tea making this absolute tripe at all. Now come along, we have a schedule to keep.”

“You are intolerable! …Hang on, just how the hell did you even get in here?”

“I asked Chap for the keys last night, of course.”

Marshall thrust his hand into his pocket in a panic. His keys were still there, the same place they’d been all night- safe and sound underneath his wallet.

“How the hell did he get ‘em? I’ve had these on me all night!”

“Chap has his ways. Come on, quickly now, your bellyaching has cost us enough time already.”

Marshall could only shake his head, heading to the bathroom to wash the sticky tea off himself.

***

Prudence paced in front of Cheslav’s room nervously. Church had assigned her to ensure Cheslav got up and met outside the hinezumi dormitory. It wasn’t that she minded running errands like this for him, but Cheslav unnerved her. He was so quiet, so mysterious. She didn’t know how he got anything Church asked him to get, and she was afraid to find out.

‘What if he sells weapons on the black market? What if he takes organs from the homeless?’ She worried. Still, she wanted to please her master no matter what he asked her to do. Gathering up the courage, she reached up and knocked on his door…only for it to swing open on its own.

“O-okay…” She shuddered, but collected herself enough to walk through the door. Inside, she saw piles upon piles of newspaper, kraft dinner, and vodka bottles. On his kitchen counter were several empty cans of spam and an enormous bag of Bits & Bites. Lining the walls of his apartment were various old looking guns, kept safely inside shadowboxes.

“H-hello? Cheslav?” She called out, scanning her surroundings for any sign of slav activity. She approached a door that had ‘не впускать’ written on the front. No other doors had anything written on them so she assumed that this must be his room. Makes sense, right?

“Ches… Cheslav?” She slowly turned the doorknob and opened the door, peeking inside. Immediately, she was bombarded with an acrid, oily stench. She quickly covered her nose with both her hands and suppressed a gag.

Just then, an alarm blared throughout the room, thoroughly scaring the panties off of Prudence.

‘Shit! Shit shit shit! What do I do? Where do I go? If he catches me trespassing he’ll cut me up and sell me to a Russian butcher!’ She frantically searched for a hiding spot, but the room was filled to the brim with industrial sized drums, some stacked on top of one another. Wait, that was it! Some of them formed a natural wall she could hide behind! She dashed into the room and hid behind a row of the large barrels.

It wasn’t long before Cheslav came through the door, looking like he had just woken up. “Blyat, alarm loud as always.” He stretched his arms and flipped on the lights. “What caused door to open?”

He looked behind a stack of barrels, searching around for any signs of an intruder. He lifted the lid of one of the barrels and paused, before pulling out a few rifles sitting at the bottom.

‘I knew it, I knew he traded weapons! Why else would he have so many of them hung all over his wall?’ She thought to herself. Maybe if she told Church, he wouldn’t have anything to do with Cheslav anymore! Then again, he was very good at getting… well, anything. Would he really abandon a friend over some illegal weapons trading?

“Cyka blyat, what is this garbage doing in my precious cosmoline?” He discarded the rifles, throwing them into a nearby trashcan.

‘Wait, what?’ Now she was confused, he didn’t sell weapons? And what is this cosmoline stuff he’s talking about? Some kind of drug?

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34c625 No.217000

“B-buck cluck.”

What was that?

“Bwok bwk bwok.”

It sounded like it was right next to her. With beads of sweat running down her forehead, she slowly turned her head to the right and saw…a chicken? It squatted beside her, wearing a red star-emblazoned eyepatch and a beret.

“Bwok BAWK!”

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” She shrieked, scrambling from behind the drums of cosmoline and curling up into a ball in the corner. She knew that Cheslav was going to find her and no doubt kill her in some horrible, brutal way.

“Hm? What was noise…” He slowly walked over to where the chicken was, and squatted down. “Ah! Comrade Cluckers! It was you who opened door? Naughty chicken.” He turned his head to the side and saw Prudence curled up in the corner, using her floppy ears to cover her eyes.

“Oi, privyet Prudence. You want Bits & Bites?” He squatted down over her and gave her a few soothing pats on the shoulder.

Prudence didn’t respond, but slowly uncovered one of her eyes. “Y-you’re not going to kill me?”

“Nyet.”

“B-but I…”

“Prudence is friend, not kebab.”

Prudence stopped shaking, and slowly got up off the floor. “O-oh, okay. Whew. That’s actually… I’m glad to hear that.”

“Cheslav will leave for meet-up after he feeds Comrade Cluckers.” He headed to the kitchen and tossed a handful of Bits & Bites on the floor.

***

It was just before five, and all four raiders were hiding in some bushes just outside the hinezumi dojo with their respective water weapons.

“Alright, here’s the plan.” Church pulls out a sheet of paper, then lays it on the ground. “We enter through this backdoor, here. It’s the opposite end as the dojo so we shouldn’t run into any of those hotheads. Marshall and Cheslav, I’m going to set you on either side of the hall as watch duty. If a boxer spots you, you are to fire away and then report to me. Is that understood?”

Cheslav and Marshall nodded.

“Excellent. Prudence and I will steal the panties, then once we have a sufficient haul we are to leave the same way we came in. Piece of cake, really. I don’t expect any hitches in this operation.”

“You said the same thing about the barometz raid, then Cheslav got a whiff of their pheromones.”

“That goddamned… Welshman just forgot to tighten his gasmask. This operation won’t require any kind of sensory deprivation or special equipment, just efficiency and a watchful eye.”

“I guess you’re right, but at the same time, famous last words…”

Church and the gang made their way to the dojo/dorm, opening up the double doors and stepping inside. It was a long dark hallway, with a sliding door at the end.

“Alright, the dorm rooms should be just through those doors. Let’s make haste.” Church hobbles down the hallway, his team following suit.

Once they reached the door, Church braces himself, his cane behind him as he brings his leg up into a kick.

“HA HA-AAAAAAAAH SHIT!” He shouted as he fell flat on his ass.

Marshall stifled a laugh, then placed his hand on the handle to the sliding door.

“Get your hand off of that, I’m going to be the one to open the door.” He insisted, grabbing the handle from Marshall and sliding it open forcefully. “Charge!”

All four of them ran into the dojo where the… wait, the dojo?

“Bollocks! This isn’t where we were supposed to be. How is this right? I couldn’t have possibly-”

Suddenly, it occurred to Church that he had been reading the map upside down the entire time. Not only were they in the wrong place, the hinezumi had stopped lounging around and stood up, staring at the group. What looked to be the head of the dojo began to advance towards Church, wrists and ankles ignited, her hands on her voluptuous hips. “Hey buddy, I think you got the wrong door. The physiotherapist is two buildings down.” She said, tapping his cane with her foot.

“Oh fuck off, you chinky cunt.”

“No, fuck you crippleman.”

“Oh, you want to start this do you?” He took a step towards her.

“Why not? This is after all the perfect place to.” She took a step towards him, the fire around her wrists and ankles burning brightly.

“You’re going to regret those words.” He took the super soaker shotgun from behind his back and pointed it at the hinezumi’s breast.

The hinezumi looked at him, then the gun, rolling her eyes. “Are you serious? Why don’t you put down that jabroni toy and settle this in the ring? I’ll show you who’s boss of this do-”

Church pulled the trigger.

SHPWOSH!

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34c625 No.217001

In an instant, the hinezumi was soaked from head to toe, the fire around her wrists and ankles were extinguished.

“Whoa, hey, hey… n-not cool, dude.” She said, much calmer than before.

“Hey! Those assholes came into our dojo and extinguished Headmaster Wai-Fu! I say that counts as a challenge, let’s kick their fucking asses!” One of the hinezumi shouted, the rest rallied in agreement.

Church yelped. “FORM SQUARE, FORM SQUARE!!!” He commanded, his voice two octaves higher than normal.

“Form square? What the hell does that mean?” Marshall asked, though he didn’t get an answer. Within seconds there were two hinezumi approaching him. He drew his pistols and squeezed the triggers as fast as he could.

The tiny streams of water did nothing to extinguish the bonfires surrounding their extremities, and eventually he ran out of water.

“Whelp, it was worth a shot.” He sighed, as one of the hinezumi grabbed his collar and brought him down to eye level.

“Looks like your clip has run dry.” The hinezumi laughed as she brought a fist back.

‘…clip has run dry.’

‘…clip has run dry.’

‘…clip has run dry.’

The words echoed in Cheslav’s head, something primal had clicked inside him. Clip? CLIP!? Is not a clip! Fucking kebab mice didn’t know anything about guns! He dipped his long-barreled water rifle into the bucket that prudence dropped and pulls the pump to fill it.

“Is not clip, is magazine!” Cheslav shouted, holding the rifle up like a nugget and firing a concentrated beam at the Hinezumi.

“Ow! My eye!” She let go of Marshall to cover her eye with both hands.

“Thanks, Cheslav. I dunno how to thank-”

Looking at his friend Cheslav, Marshall saw his eyes were different than normal, they seemed to have a red star instead of pupils, and he was singing ''‘Калинка, калинка, калинка моя!

В саду ягода малинка, малинка моя!’'' Under his breath. Marshall didn’t know what the hell he was singing, but Cheslav was firing at one target after the other.

Ow! My eye!”

“Ow! My eye!”

“Ow! My eye!

“Fuck, my eye!”

In the span of two seconds, Cheslav had five mice down and out, running to the bathroom to take care of their eyes.

“Haha! This is what happens when you bring karate to a gunfight, fools!” Church taunted, blasting away one hinezumi after the other. They kept coming and he kept shooting, but soon enough his gun had run dry.

It was about then that Church realized he should have made Prudence carry a lot more water.

“Blast it all, there’s too many of them. We need to stop wasting time and get to the bedrooms. Chap, come with me! You’re the fastest out of all of us.” He hobbled back over to where his colleagues were and dragged Cheslav away, snapping him out of his soviet induced rage.

“What is of happenings, comrade?” Cheslav asked, having now noticed that he was being taken away.

“You and I are going to steal the panties. Marshall and Prudence are staying back to keep the hinezumi occupied.” He explained.

“Oh… da, I come.” He ran next to Church, who let go of his arm, and they exited the dojo, Church following the map correctly this time.

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34c625 No.217004

“Hey, wait a minute! How do you expect us to hold off all these mice?” Marshall called, but it was too late, they were already gone. “Shit. Prudence!”

“Ah! He’s gone! Master is gone! What are we going to do, Marshall?” She grabbed her head, holding the pitiful glass of water up to her chest. One of the hinezumi charged at her.

“Uuuah!” She panicked, throwing the water at the hinezumi long before she was in range.

“…Oops.”

Marshall handed one of his water guns to her. “Ya might need one of these. I recommend getting the hell outta dodge, though.”

“W-what about you!?”

“Don’t worry ‘bout me, don’t look back. Just go!” He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around, giving her a gentle shove to send her off. Prudence, convinced that she was never going to see Marshall again, cried the entire way out.

“Ah, looks like we got ourselves a bold jabroni, taking the rest of us by himself.” One of the hinezumi said.

In truth, Marshall knew this was going to end with a trip to the infirmary. It was just another day for him. “Heh, go easy on me, I’m only a beginner.” He held his arms up in a crude fighting stance.

“Not a chance, jabroni.” One of the hinezumi took a running start, jumping up and kicking him square in the chest.

“F-fuck!” Marshall fell to the ground, the hinezumi surrounding him and kicking him on the floor.

“Come along, Chap. The bedrooms are this way.” Church gimped ahead as fast as he could alongside Cheslav, who ran with his arms behind his back.

“Cheslav wanted to fight more kebab mice.”

“We’ve already got Marshall for that. That loutish hick will be able to take on all of those boxers by himself.”

Cheslav didn’t say anything, knowing that was not how it was going to go down.

“Ah-ha! Here we are.” Church found an open bedroom, right next to an exit as well. Most likely the door they were supposed to enter through. He approached the dresser and opened up the backpack. “There. Now to grab the goods and get-”

“There you jabronies are!”

“Shit. One of them followed us.”

“Fucking pussies, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!” A lone hinezumi started to run towards them, the fire around her wrists seeming to propel her forward like rockets.

“Shoot her, Chap! She’s right in your line of fire!”

Cheslav pumped his water gun, but only a light mist spurted out. “Uh… comrade? Is empty.”

“What? Oh shit. Here, take mine then.” He tossed Cheslav his gun, then started to shove handfuls of underwear into the backpack.

“Is empty too!”

“Goddammit, where’s Prudence when you need her!?

“With comrade Marshall.”

“Oh, right. I guess it can’t be helped, then. Let’s make haste!” Church and Cheslav hurried to the door, but just before the hinezumi could reach them, Church picked up his empty gun and threw it at her.

“Whoa hey what!?” The hinezumi threw herself to the side to dodge it, and that gave the two the window of time they needed to make their escape.

“Oh no you don’t!” She prepares to chase after them, but one of her roommates pokes her head from the dojo.

“Hey, that cowboy we kicked the shit out of is actually kinda nice. You want his number? He’s basically giving it away.”

She thought about it for a second. “Eeeeh, sure. I guess he was easy on the eyes.” She followed her friend into the dojo.

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34c625 No.217005

Cheslav and Church stumbled back into the base, exhausted, to find Prudence sitting at the table, her head in her hands.

“Ah, there you are, Prudence. Where were you when I needed you? We were nearly killed!”

The kikimora looks up with sad eyes, tears running down her face.

“Oh, never mind, you blubbering wench. Chap, the bag.”

Church turns his back to her, beginning to rifle through their spoils.

“M-master? It’s about… o-oh god, Marshall was so brave and now he’s… he’s…”

“Oh, do shut up. That oaf can handle himself perfectly well. He’s never had trouble pulling victory from the jaws of the monsters and their ilk.”

“You don’t understand, master! He was… A-and then… They just circled around him, then…”

Prudence burst into tears again, unable to continue. Before Church could respond, Marshall stumbled into the room, the door breaking under his weight as he fell onto his face.

“Damn it, boy, what have I said about breaking the door?”

“M-Marshall?! You’re alive?!”

“Are you thick? Of course he’s alive.”

“But, he was outnumbered and they were just going at him!”

“Did you really think they’d kill him? On a college campus? Besides, Marshall probably bent those swords on the walls into a cage to trap those rats in. Isn’t that right, Marshall?”

Marshall dropped himself into a chair that creaked under the strain, not responding.

“Prudence, would’ya be a darlin’ and get me some iced tea?”

“O-of course!” She exclaimed, skittering off to the kitchen.

“Damned traitor.” Church pouted.

After she left for the kitchen, Marshall spoke up. “Our next run is NOT going to be a fighting monster. Capisce?”

“Oh. Fine, then. We can do… A… No, that’s out. B? No, no… C… Ah! Cheshires! No fight in them at all, it should be easy for you then, you petulant cowboy.”

“Uh, ain’t that kinda-”

“Oh, second thoughts, then? We could do the jinkos if you’d prefer…”

“NO! Uh, no, no, cheshires are fine.”

“Chap? Comments?”

“Cheshire is fine, too.”

“Good. AHA! What do we have here?”

Church pulls a pair of delicate, cheese-print panties from the pile of sweaty sports-wear.

“Oh, good god. What were they thinking? Were they thinking? Damned children, the lot of them.”

Giving another look through the pile, Church sighed.

“Still, I suppose this is the best we’ve gotten out of this lot. Prudence, do dispose of the rest in the usual spot, they’re making the entire room stink of Limburger.”

End of Chapter 3

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34c625 No.217007

>>217005

I'm dead

writefag this is gold

can't wait until the next one

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34c625 No.217009

File: 6cdf597b7e8b675⋯.jpg (30.42 KB,400x438,200:219,gold.jpg)

>this fucking thread

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34c625 No.217015

can't get enough of this shit OP, you're doing god's work.

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34c625 No.217018

File: 41c58d6afd5cf75⋯.jpg (90.27 KB,600x600,1:1,image.jpg)

Keep it up OP, loving every post you make.

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34c625 No.217030

File: aba57c7808d4a41⋯.jpg (57.16 KB,393x391,393:391,1465346930025.jpg)

>“Hey! Those assholes came into our dojo and extinguished Headmaster Wai-Fu! I say that counts as a challenge, let’s kick their fucking asses!”

>Wai-Fu

Classic, OP! Keep it up!

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34c625 No.217054

File: c45fe0eae07cfc7⋯.png (1.49 MB,2200x2000,11:10,monster - The Panties Raid….png)

File: d54679dcddbca86⋯.png (207.08 KB,541x569,541:569,ss (2016-09-20 at 11.57.24….png)

File: 12cd80694e86867⋯.png (199.99 KB,539x576,539:576,ss (2016-09-20 at 11.58.38….png)

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34c625 No.217084

File: 4fb983811e337a0⋯.png (452.85 KB,800x534,400:267,4fb983811e337a0e83d617f367….png)

>>217001

>>217000

>>Comrade Cluckers

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34c625 No.217085

File: f7c4fd3f4306774⋯.jpg (102.72 KB,715x1538,715:1538,f7c4fd3f43067749c09f76b57b….jpg)

This whole fucking thread

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34c625 No.217116

File: 382b0bef8c2e407⋯.jpg (21.87 KB,398x500,199:250,1439426641314.jpg)

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34c625 No.217117

File: bfaf171e0b43f87⋯.jpg (9.91 KB,255x255,1:1,678bc6b4aa86dcae22a744dc19….jpg)

This and that danuki story hit a specific soft spot for me, there's nothing that warms my heart more than a monster/ polite southern man combo. Now I want to know what general Lee's waifu would be.

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34c625 No.217174

>>217117

Kikimoras seem like a natural companion to the

southern gentleman stereotype.

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34c625 No.217177

>>217174

B-but anon-kun, prudence likes Church! Marshall is just a dear friend.

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34c625 No.217178

>>217177

not kebab

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34c625 No.217179

>>217177

I was talking about Mr. Lee.

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34c625 No.217184

>>217179

Marshall is the southern gentleman in this context.

>>217178

Oh, you~

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34c625 No.217187

>>217184

>>217117 Asked about Robert E. Lee's waifu. Mr. Lee is the ultimate southern gentleman stereotype.

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34c625 No.217191

File: acbacb458e0111a⋯.jpg (7.54 KB,280x359,280:359,colonel.jpg)

>>217187

>not col. sanders

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34c625 No.217195

>>217191

>Harpy genocide machine

>Southern gentleman

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34c625 No.217301

File: 0524549dc583827⋯.jpg (35.95 KB,500x372,125:93,1378845400192.jpg)

>>217195

they were northern spies sent to steal our secret recipe. look at the face of that man, he knows what he did was horrific, but he knows the world is better with devils like him.

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34c625 No.217754

File: f9ddfeb724f9639⋯.png (456.9 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Marshall elf.png)

>>215856

>“I’m just going to point out that I can’t tell anybody if you put something in my mouth~”

lewd

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34c625 No.217932

Chapter 4

The next morning at school, Cheslav, Church and Marshall were sitting at a cafeteria table, lounging around before they had to go to class. Church was considerably more alert than his friends, scanning for anyone who would potentially cause them trouble.

“Hey, did you hear what happened at the hinezumi dorm yesterday morning?” A voice said. Church hunched forward, eavesdropping. It was a wyvern talking to a holstaur.

“Wasn’t it raided or something?” The holstaur asked.

“Yeah, apparently these three guys barged into their dojo, sprayed them with water, then stole a bunch of their underwear. One of them got the shit kicked out of them though.” The wyvern giggled.

“Funny thing is… we got raided last year, but nobody seemed to talk about it.”

“That’s because anyone with the gall to challenge the hinezumi in their own dojo is pretty ballsy.”

“I-I guess.”

“I hope they hit the dragon dorms, I’d love to catch them in the act and rape the shit out of them.”

Church scoffed. ‘Monsters will be monsters, won’t they?’ He thought to himself. Surely, they would hit the dragons at some point, but now that he knew they would be waiting, he could plan around it.

“Alright, lads. What’s the first thing you need to keep in mind about cheshires?” He asked his henchmen.

“Uh, they like to talk a lot?” Marshall replied.

“They are purple?”

“Marshall was closest. I don’t think you even tried, Chap.” Marshall drummed his fingers on the table. “They do like to talk, but the important thing to keep in mind is that they will try to confuse you into submission. They’ll poke holes in whatever you say until you’re thoroughly mindbroken. It’s a brilliant strategy, really.”

“So how are we gonna counter it? Ignore them?”

“No you imbecile, if you ignore a cheshire she will get more and more intrusive until she gets impatient and starts whispering lewd things into your ear. They may not be that strong, but they’re nigh impossible to escape if you’ve caught their attention. Our best bet is to beat them at their own game.”

“I think my idea actually might be more feasible, partner.” Marshall shook his head.

“You probably stand a better chance of physically fending them off anyway, you brute. I don’t expect to have any problem out-confusing them myself, but poor Chap here will be horribly outmatched.”

“Why not just let him sit this one out?”

“Because we need him, of course!”

“For what?”

“To leave a trail of twine behind us so we don’t get lost.”

“Now how are we gonna get lost in a simple college dorm?”

“Have you been paying any attention in monsterology? The cheshire dorm is through a Wonderland portal, and things are distorted there… perverted even. The inside of that dormitory is one damned MC Escher painting after another. Stairs that go on forever, doors that open into walls, literal mobius strip hallways- if we don’t leave a trail behind us, we’re dead in the water.”

“Oh…” Marshall shut up after that. Maybe it was time to stop texting all the monsters he gave his number to during class.

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34c625 No.217933

“We strike the cheshire dorm next week, that should give Marshall ample time to recover from his wounds. Chap, here’s a list of all the things we will need. We will strike at one in the morning, so mark your calendars.” Church banged his fist on the table. “Meeting adjourned.”

***

A week passed, and Marshall and Cheslav walked alongside each other, looking for Church. He had texted them, saying he was waiting by the Wonderland portal, but Marshall had forgotten where it was.

“Do ya think it’s on the west side, Cheslav?”

“Nyet, is on the east.”

“Really? But we just checked there, I didn’t see it.”

“Check again?”

“Okay, partner.”

Making their way back East, Cheslav pointed to a dormitory building. “There! Portal is inside, tovarisch.”

“That’s the alp dorm.”

“Portal is inside alp dorm.”

“Who do you think you’re foolin’?” Marshall put his hands on his belt.

“You fools, get over here!” Shouted Church’s unmistakeable voice.

“Church? Where are ya?”

“Look to your right.”

“Hm? Oh! There you are. Where’s the portal?”

“It’s north of the center building, north!

“Oh, why didn’t ya tell us?”

“I expected you to have at least somewhat better navigational skills than Christopher Columbus. Goddamned Guinea couldn’t even find his way to the Indies.”

“Yeah, but he discovered somethin’ better.”

“You seem to be implying discovering America was a good thing, and implying that America hadn’t been discovered before.”

“Man, you take the fun outta everything.

“Just get the bloody hell over here before your babbling attracts unwanted attention.”

Cheslav and Marshall ran over to Church, who hobbled back toward the Wonderland portal.

***

“Here we are boys, the Wonderland portal.” Church stood before it, basking in its dazzling glow.

The Wonderland portal was the school’s way of making Wonderland residents feel more at home in the orderly, predictable environment of school. No matter how disoriented they got amidst all the laws of physics and ‘logic,’ they could always return to the zany world they were used to after they were done with classes. The portal swirled with purple, pink and white energy, lighting up the night.

“Dang, that’s a pretty big portal.” Marshall looked up- the portal dwarfed the dormitory across from it.

“Reminds Cheslav of babushka’s home cooked meals.” Cheslav commented.

“What the hell does your babushka cook that this reminds you of it?” Marshall gave Cheslav an incredulous look.

“Potato, red onion and turnip casserole.”

Marshall gave up.

“If you aren’t coming, I’ll do this myself.” Church warned, stepping toward the portal.

“Fine, fine. We’re coming.”

The three of them took a deep breath, and stepped through the portal at the same time. A warm, bright light flooded their vision, the world felt like it was spinning, and their bodies floated like feathers as they were thrust into the middle of a cobblestone road.

“Woah! That was trippy.” Marshall grabbed his head and tried to stop the world from spinning.

“Sensation reminds me of babushka’s home cooking afterwards…” Cheslav grabbed his stomach and lurched forward.

“Y-you pansies, stop bein’ melodramatic. I feel jus’ fine.” Church slurred as he stumbled about, using his cane to prevent himself from falling over.

“Hey, this isn’t one in the morning…” Marshall pointed to the sun, hanging high in the orange sky.

“…You’re right, this is high noon if I’ve ever seen it. What does your watch say, Chap?”

“Is cheeki breeki time.”

“What? Let me see-” He looked down at his friend’s watch, but under every hour, it said ‘cheeki breeki.’

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34c625 No.217934

File: f15c4cea1c7789d⋯.jpg (20.66 KB,326x314,163:157,Was that a tendie _b15900b….jpg)

>>217932

Mfw Marshall is a polite gentlemen caller to half the school.

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34c625 No.217935

“Oh for fuck’s sake. Check your phone Marshall.”

“It still says it’s one in the morning on my phone.”

“Then Wonderland must have a different night cycle- who knows if they’re asleep or awake. Let’s keep quiet and search for a way in.” Church hobbled briskly towards the dorm.

They crept to the back of the building. It looked normal enough, setting aside the purple walls and frilly decorations along the roofline. Though on closer inspection, there was no uniformity to anything, some windows were big, some small, and all manner of shapes.

“This place looks like an architect’s nightmare.” Church commented as they rounded a corner of the building. “ It’s a fine thing Wonderland monsters prefer to stay in Wonderland.”

“Hey, is that a door?” Marshall pointed to what looked to be a tiny door, just big enough for a person to crawl through on their stomach.

“By jove, that is a door. Who the hell is supposed to fit through there?”

“Dunno. Why would cheshire cats even need doors? They could just… poof inside.”

Cheslav turned the knob, the door swinging open with little effort. “Comrades! Is open!”

“Quiet, Chap. We don’t know if they’re sleeping or not.” Church snapped, peeking through the open door. “Looks like Chap and I can squeeze through with no problems, though Marshall will need a bit of… persuasion.”

“Alright, I guess I’ll go second.”

Church crawled through first, pulling Marshall in while Cheslav pushed. Once they were all in, Church remembered something.

“Chap, give me the twine.”

“Da, right here.” Cheslav handed him a large roll of butcher’s twine.

Church tied one end to the doorknob, then unrolled it to give it some slack and handed it back to Cheslav. “Keep unrolling that. If we lose the butcher’s twine we lose our way. Now follow me, boys.” He whispered, going down the hallway.

Inside the hall, random paintings ranging from wonderland trees to nudes of the Queen of Hearts lined the walls from one end to the other. Marshall noticed that there were doors, but they were above ground and just out of their reach. It was impossible to tell what led where, since there were some doors that would lead outside the dormitory if they followed Euclidian laws, but he knew they didn’t.

“Alright lads, let’s split up and search for panties. Marshall, you take that door over there, Cheslav and I will continue down the hall.”

“And why do you get to travel with the guy that has the twine?”

“Because I’m the leader, idiot. As long as you don’t venture too far from the twine, you’ll be alright.”

Marshall grumbled. This was probably going to end with him getting lost.

***

“Dangit Church, always throwin’ me headfirst into these situations…” Marshall opened another door, but there was just a wall on the other side. He’d been looking around for several minutes, but he wasn’t having any luck. Worse still, this place was starting to feel more and more malevolent, like it was actively trying to get him lost. He could have sworn he’d been through here before, but this door was new…

It was then Marshall realized that despite his best efforts, he was hopelessly lost.

“Alright, don’t panic Marshall. You’re just in a dorm, it’s not going to trap you forever. Worst case scenario is you get caught and they kick you out. No big deal.” He tried to calm himself, to only limited success.

He approached a door that was different from the rest. It had a cornucopia of strange faces on the front that looked like they had been printed off a computer and taped onto the door. He slowly turned the knob and opened the door a crack…

Then promptly closed it.

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34c625 No.217936

Inside was a cheshire cat, wearing a camo hat and a white T-shirt, typing at a computer. Her walls were lined with posters of various ‘internet memes’ and her desk was littered with dorito wrappers.

‘SHIT! I hope she didn’t see me!’ Marshall thought to himself, creeping away from the door and trying to muffle his footsteps as best as he could.

He found a staircase, it was slightly suspended off the ground but it looked like there was something promising at the top. He started to climb the stairs when he suddenly felt two soft mounds pressing into his back, then hot breath in his ear.

‘Looks like I’ve been spotted…’ Marshall thought, a knot forming in his stomach. ‘Oh well, guess all I can do is wait for the lewd words.’

“…Wanna see my meme collection?”

‘What?’

“Uhh, beg your pardon, miss?” Marshall whispered.

“Come on back to my room, I’ll show you my collection of memes!”

“You don’t care that I’m just creepin’ through your dorm?”

“Nobody comes to visit us, so this is actually pretty exciting. I’d rather keep you to myself, the other cheshires would talk about Normalfag shit and then rape you. But I’m cooler than that.”

“Oh I bet you are.” Marshall grabbed his head, at least she wasn’t a rapist, though a memelord wasn’t much better.

“Alright, welcome to the meme kingdom!” She swung open the door to her room and Marshall’s jaw dropped- it was worse than he thought.

There was something Marshall didn’t see when he peered into her room, next to her bed was a throne made out of mountain dew bottles. Her bed had a white comforter with the ‘forever alone’ face printed on it and a pillow that had POMF =3 written on the case. Her closet looked mostly empty, as most of her clothes were strewn about the room, with most having memes on them. Now that Marshall had a good look at her from the front, he could see that her hat had the words ‘If you’re breathing you’re horny’ written in red text.

‘Good lord, why couldn’t I have gotten caught by a normal cheshire?’ Marshall thought.

“So, what do you think? Are these the meanest memes ever to make your peener cream?”

Marshall almost threw up in his mouth. “U-uh, they’re very… nice, miss.” Marshall didn’t even want to bother asking her name. She was just going to be ‘miss.’

The memelord cheshire approached him and batted her eyelashes. “You’re the first person to ever say that about my wall of memes~” She giggled, then flopped back on her bed, grabbing the POMF =3 pillow and hugging it to her chest.

“Waaah, what are we going to do on the bed, cowboy-sama?” She kicked her legs.

Marshall folded his arms. “St-stop that.”

“Aww, you don’t think a cat is fine, too?” She brought her paw up to her mouth.

“Y-you can’t just satisfy your sexual desires with your cat.”

“Sweet meme bro! High five!” She crawled to the edge where Marshall was standing and held up her paw.

He just stared at her, keeping his arms crossed. “What?”

“Sweet meme my dude.” She wiggled her fingers expectantly.

“You have four fingers.” Marshall stood his ground until her ears lowered and she brought down her paw.

“Nyoro~n…” She stretched out on the bed, then rolled off of it to sit back down at her computer. “My name’s Mimi, by the way, what’s yours, cowboy?”

“Uh, name’s Marshall.” He divulged reluctantly.

“Well then, Marshall, consider yourself officially my best friend.” She beamed, her tail swaying behind her.

‘Please no.’ Marshall could feel tears welling up in his eyes. Is this how he dies? Trapped forever in this room? If starvation doesn’t kill him, the cancer from being exposed to all these memes will.

“What’s this? Someone is trying to argue that non-ironic memes are better than ironic memes!? I, for one, will not stand for such blatant heresy. One moment, Marshall. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

All Marshall could do was sit and watch her type furiously at her keyboard. A minute passed, then two, then three, then five. She looked so engrossed in arguing that it became apparent she wasn’t paying attention to him. This could be Marshall’s ticket out, but wait! That’s a dresser in her closet probably has panties in it. Maybe he could just quickly grab a few? Hopefully she wouldn’t notice…

Acting quickly, Marshall slid open the top drawer, grabbed a handful of panties and slipped them into his front pocket before quietly opening the door and sneaking out. It looked like he was in the clear, and with a sigh of relief, he continued down the hallway.

There was a door at the end of the hall. Marshall looked to either direction before reaching out to grab it, only to see the handle already being turned by someone on the other side.

‘Shit.’ Marshall started to sweat.

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34c625 No.217940

Cheslav softly closed the door behind himself as Church creeped ahead into an obscenely long hallway that seemed to converge to a point. Church walked backward to whisper to Cheslav, who was still standing by the door.

“What are you waiting for, you dolt? We need to get out of this hall as soon as we can so we aren’t seen!”

“Eh… Church, I am not of thinking-”

“Come ON, boy, get mov- OW, FUCK!”

Church toppled forward onto his face as his head struck… the ceiling?

“Damn it all, what is this?” Church cursed, poking the roof with his cane.

“Am tryings to tell you, comrade, is not real hall.”

Church shot his colleague a withering look before crawling down the hall, dragging his legs behind him.

“We can still make it to the door. Now follow me, you damnable cossack.”

“…Followings.”

The two men crawled down the hall, eventually arriving at a door, barely big enough to crawl through in the already low hall.

“Alright, they’ve got to be guarding something very precious if they’re guarding it this well, so be ready.

Church threw open the door, cane at the ready in case he needed to quickly strike…

“A wall. A brick wall. I came all the way down here for those BARMY FUCKING BINTS to give me a FUCKING WALL!? CUNTY WONDERLAND GOBSHITES AND THEIR BLOODY-”

Church had run out of breath about one hundred feet into the crawl back, which had felt conspicuously longer than it had been on the way there, and had stayed quiet since. When they reached the door, Cheslav piped up.

“Is alright now, comrade?”

“Ahem. Er, yes. That was… It’s not important, let’s press on, shall we?”

Cheslav opened the door and turned to Church, holding up the end of the roll of twine, now tied in a neat bow to another identical roll.

“Eh, Church? Strings are not of…”

Church didn’t respond, looking around the room.

“This… This was a hall, wasn’t it? The water closet was there, and there was a water fountain sticking sideways out of the wall. It was right here, wasn’t it?”

“Was same door, but I am not knowings. Strings were here before…”

“Damn it. Fuck. What are we going to do? We can’t… Okay. Okay. Calm down, Chap. Whatever you do, we need to stay calm. It can’t be far, I mean, the portal has to have a fixed location, doesn’t it? It has to be, I mean, we can’t just get trapped in Wonderland forever and starve, can we? Can you eat panties? We might have to survive off them a few months, but that’s assuming we can find a room. We’ll have to track down the water fountain, and… Chap, call me Livingstone from now on, we’re going to be in this together for the long haul. Don’t panic, alright? We don’t need anyone else. Just you and I. One-hundred years. Church and Chappy. A hundred times. Forever and forever. We’re going to run around, and… We’re the only friends we’ve got, Chap. Church and-”

Cheslav pointed to the ceiling, the familiar hall upside-down above them. Or were they on the roof?

“Comrade, is up there!”

“O-of course it is, you git! I was just… testing you! You pass this time. I mean, going insane just because you get lost forever in a disgusting, topsy-turvy place where nothing makes sense? Ha. Haha. We’re made of sterner stuff than that, aren’t we, Chap?”

“Purple cats also on roof, Church.”

“Move, I’ll handle this.”

Church clears his throat, yelling:

“Twinkle, twinkle, little twat! How I wonder what you’re at! Up above the world so high, like a harlot in the sky! Twinkle, twinkle, little twat, get down here, you shit-tier cat!”

A pair of cheshires who had been staring at them briefly disappeared, then reappeared in front of Church in a puff of pink smoke.

“Yeeeeees~?” They said simultaneously.

“We’re here to steal your panties, you retarded bint, so don’t just stand there like fools and squint.”

The cats stole a quick glance at each other and looked back to Church.

“Well, then, big boy, how’re you planning on getting them?”

“We’ll beat you silly and steal them quick, then I’ll make my escape with this bolshevik.”

“…Why are you talking like that?”

“I’m no git, as you’ll soon see, I’m the wittiest man in this dormitory.”

“Uh, you didn’t answer the question.”

“I’ll outwit you all the same, by beating you at your own game!”

The cheshires crossed their arms, mildly annoyed with him. At first, they would have been fine with just small talk, no rape. But now that this weird man was pulling some bullshit rhyming scheme with them, they just wanted to rape him out of spite.

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34c625 No.217943

“My wit is quick, my tongue is silver, I’ll show you who’s…” Church paused, furiously wracking his brain for a rhyme.

Oh, that’s right… nothing rhymes with silver in the English dictionary.

“You’ll show us what?” One of the cheshires asked, her face getting smugger.

“Yes, oh silver tongued bard, tell us what you’ll show us~”

Church didn’t respond, sweating bullets. If he broke his little rhyming scheme, surely it would mean he lost and would get promptly raped. He decided on the finest plan he had ever plotted. A foolproof plan that was sure to confuse the pair of cats. Grabbing Cheslav by the collar of his shirt, he started to dash towards the door at the other end of the hall.

After about two seconds of running, the cheshires appeared in front of them and tackled them both to the floor.

“We think it’s time you learned a lesson or two about how to talk to a lady.” One of them purred, trailing her claw down Church’s tweed jacket.

“Oh shit.” Church tried to break free, but it was no use. “This is bad, where’s Marshall when you need him?”

“Cowboy is probably dead, like us.” Cheslav answered.

“Wait, what?” The cheshire pinning him down scooted back a bit, tilting her head. “You’re not dead, you’re in Wonderland- and about to be ravaged by the best pussy you’ll ever get~”

“No, Cheslav is dead. Probably in hell, too.” He remarked, deadpan.

The cheshire rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, we won’t be that rough. You’ll end up liking it, I promise.”

“Cheslav will prove he is dead.”

The cheshire, legitimately curious at how serious this man seemed, crawled off of him. “Alright Ivan Ivanovich Ivanovsky. Let’s see what you got.”

The cheshire pinning down Church also got off of him, standing next to her fellow feline.

“Chap, what are you doing? You can’t hope to beat them like this!” Church whispered. Cheslav looked his comrade deep into the eyes, not saying a word.

“First off, if Cheslav is not really in hell, where is vodka Cheslav was promised?”

“What do you mean? Who’s promised vodka when they die?” The cheshire asked.

“Is Cheslav’s reward for ridding world of kebab menace.”

“Okay, okay. Let’s back up for a second.” The second cheshire gestured towards Cheslav. “You say you’re in hell, but first, prove that you’re dead. You could just be alive in a place that has no… vodka.”

“Oh! Is easy to prove.” Cheslav pointed down the hallway. “Cheslav is dead because hallway does not end. Life is not like hallway, because it ends. Therefore since death does not end neither does hallway. Cheslav is forever dead.”

The cheshires looked at each other. “How does that make any sense? It’s just being in Wonderland. You’re not dead, you’re just in an enchanted hallway.”

“No, no, you see comrade… hallway is like allegory for winter. Is cold, unforgiving and full of death. Just like Cheslav is.”

“So if you’re supposedly dead, does that mean we’re dead too?” The cheshire asks incredulously.

“Da.”

“You’re full of it.”

“But is true, entire room is not real! Is all dream. Cheslav keeps pinching self, but is not waking up. Therefore Cheslav is dead like you.”

The cheshires pinched themselves out of curiosity, and to their lack of surprise, they don’t wake up either.

“You know, if we’re all dead, how did we die anyway?” She asks, humoring him.

“Chandelier fell, tovarisch.” He points to the ceiling.

“What are you talking about, the chandelier is right-” The cheshire looked up, there was no chandelier where he was pointing.

“Wait, where did the chandelier go?”

“Fell on top of us, squishing like blin.” Cheslav slammed his fist on his outstretched hand.

The other cheshire looked at her friend, who was hunched over, staring wide eyed at the ground and sweating. “A-are we dead? I mean that chandelier was up there and now it’s gone so where did it go?”

“Calm down, y-you can’t seriously be considering that this guy is…”

“W-what if he is, though? We could all be dead and this is a dream! I-I can’t explain the chandelier at all so m-maybe he’s right?”

“I don’t wanna be dead.” She whined, holding her friend close to herself.

“Me neither.”

They both held one another, crying softly. Cheslav stood up and cracked his neck, stretching himself.

“Cheslav is going to find way out. Have fun being dead.” He grabbed Church, who could only stare, jaw agape, as Cheslav had successfully mindfucked a pair of cheshire cats into believing they were dead. They exited the hallway and started to just wander through random doors.

“Chap… that was incredible! How on Earth… where did you learn to do that!?” Church patted his colleague on the back, he deserved it after pulling bullshit like that.

“Cheslav just talked to them, tovarisch. They believed Cheslav. There was no chandelier.”

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34c625 No.217944

“Well you’ve outdone yourself, I commend you. Now let’s get the hell out of here, I don’t care if we didn’t make off with any panties, this heist was a bust ever since we lost the string.” Church opened another door and went through it, and found a huge foyer with a large set of double doors.

“You think that’s the way out, Chap?”

“Nyet, is that door.” Cheslav pointed to a door that was just four feet away from it.

“But doesn’t that bigger door look like the doors we saw when we first entered this godforsaken realm?”

“Nyet, Cheslav says is that door.”

“Okay, we’ll both open our respective doors and see who’s right. I pray at least one of us is.” Church groaned.

They approached each door, and on the count of three, opened them at the same time.

“Ah-ha! Found the exit!” Church beamed, barely able to contain his joy at being both right and finding a way out.

“Found comrade Marshall.”

“Wait really? Tell him to get the hell over here, we’re getting out of this place.”

“I can hear you, Church.” Marshall was relieved, the hand that opened the door was a friendly one, he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with another cheshire cat. With the men reunited, they walked out of the dormitory with their arms locked.

“Where the hell were you, Marshall? We could have used your help back there.”

“I was dealing with somethin’ else partner. Plus how could I have possibly known where to find you!?”

“Oh, fine. What were you dealing with?”

A chill ran down Marshall’s spine. “I… don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Suit yourself, you oaf. Did you at least get any panties?” Church asked.

Marshall smirked, pulling out the wad of underwear he had in his pocket.

“You idiot, you’re going to get them all wrinkly.” Church scolded. “…No matter, I suppose I can make Prudence iron them later if they’re really that bad. Jolly good work, gentlemen. Let’s return to our base.”

Once they had left the portal, the trio of panty raiders returned to base. Prudence wasn’t there, having gotten permission from Church to sleep in her dorm on account of a test the next day. With all three of them exhausted, they picked a random pair that Marshall had recovered, shoved it in a frame, and hung it on the Wall of Triumph. They didn’t even say anything to each other, going straight to their separate dorm rooms and crashing. It was terribly late after all.

END OF CHAPTER 4

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34c625 No.217945

File: 40bd1d74b7e8805⋯.jpg (88.77 KB,594x396,3:2,givi smirk.jpg)

>>217944

>outfaggoting the faggot cat

And such is glory of soviet man.

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34c625 No.217949

File: 92d058d83b84a73⋯.gif (358.54 KB,318x306,53:51,7638696.gif)

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34c625 No.217954

File: 19bd01ce0b6e49e⋯.png (473.79 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR sad cheshire….png)

>>217943

cheshires get btfo

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34c625 No.217957

>>217754

>>217954

You're doing Gods work anon.

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34c625 No.218423

File: 912b4264c65ccfe⋯.jpg (7.95 KB,218x251,218:251,511b47c363c3678743d9a9fa43….jpg)

>memecat is back in another story

>Mfw she only wants a friend

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34c625 No.218443

>>218423

poor mimi :c

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34c625 No.218454

File: 284dfd37c0be98b⋯.png (570.26 KB,1205x1361,1205:1361,d3f59d7028ac9d3034998a46c7….png)

>>218443

Why can't Mimi be happy papa anon?

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34c625 No.218456

>>218454

Because she's a meme, an awful meme that somehow became real.

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34c625 No.218675

>>218456

Can I be her friend papa anon?

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34c625 No.218676

File: a2809630b307eb2⋯.jpg (59.13 KB,592x790,296:395,weed cat 3.jpg)

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34c625 No.218686

>>218676

Sage you fucking faggot.

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34c625 No.218699

File: 60270123f27e1af⋯.jpg (250.2 KB,462x533,462:533,IMG_5538.JPG)

>>218423

>despite being created for the purpose of being hated, mimi has just crossed into independent thoughtform status

>this is the first story in which she manifests and expresses a desire

>it's… to have a friend to meme with rather than to rape

>probably because she needs reassurance, her original purpose not being a happy one

>still acts in accordance with her nature

>which means she is cruelly denied

>and probably will be every time she manifests from now on because /monster/ invented memecat to hate

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34c625 No.218748

Jexx, in the time you wrote this you could have updated dragon bully!

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34c625 No.218766

File: 2db00d02e347caf⋯.webm (1.71 MB,720x480,3:2,livid.webm)

>>218748

>You

>Not saging

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34c625 No.218839

>>218748

>implying dragon bully is this easy to write

>implying my J-jexx's story isn't on a monthly update basis at this point

>implying sage

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34c625 No.219521

Please do Jinkos next. I want to see those sexy muscled tigers that put the Hinezumi to shame martial arts beat down some guys and rape them afterwards.

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34c625 No.219558

File: b9903804041966e⋯.png (633.13 KB,1333x629,1333:629,turtle.png)

>>219521

I don't think this is the kind of story for lewds yet. Could always do something nice and easy if you're still planning on the next move or if you're just looking for Y.

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34c625 No.219559

>>219558

I'm retarded. That's supposed to be a U.

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34c625 No.219571

>>219558

>Turtle girl dormitory

Fuck yes they need good stories.

They could absolutely be best girl.

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34c625 No.219623

>>219521

I actually got something really special planned for the jinkos, though they aren't for a little while

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34c625 No.219909

Chapter 5

The next day at lunch, Church, Cheslav and Marshall were sitting in the remote corner of the cafe they always sat at. Church had a notebook and was tapping his eraser against a blank page.

“Alright, we’ve hit the cheshires and somehow managed to make it back out with our sanity intact.”

Marshall was going to object to that, but decided against it.

“I think it’s time to hit another dormitory that will boost our notoriety. Aggressive, yet not overly dangerous.” He started to write some potential candidates on the paper. “Let’s see, there’s the werewolves, lizardmen, dhampir, anubis, kitsunes, kakuen, mad hatters, salamanders, and vampires.”

“We ain’t doing the salamanders or lizardmen, I’d rather not have a repeat of the hinezumi dormitory so soon.” Marshall complained.

“Fine, but eventually we are going to hit another dangerous dorm, and you’re going to be our counter to their strength.” Church asserted.

Marshall sighed. “Whatever. I also don’t want to go back to wonderland, so the mad hatters are out.”

“I wholeheartedly agree, Marshall. What say you, Chap? And I swear if you say alps again I’m going to go to your apartment and smash every bottle of vodka you own.”

Allll of them?” Cheslav asked, leaning forward with a smug grin.

“We’re not doing the alps regardless. Why not them dhampirs? They’re only dangerous if they’ve had a taste of blood, and they have a natural instinct to help men who’re in trouble.” Marshall suggested.

“Hmm, it does sound more appealing than those autistic dogs or fluffy tailed menaces. Alright, might as well. Let’s strike next Saturday, so we can hit them in the middle of the day when they’re asleep.”

“Wait, Church! I think you’re forgettin’ something.”

“And what is that, Marshall?”

“What about the blooded ones? They’ll be strong, fast and merciless.”

“Hmm, you’re right. You may be strong but there’s no way you’ll be fast enough to take them on.” Church thinks for a minute. “What natural enemies do dhampirs have?”

“Uhh, most undead, particularly vampires.” Marshall answered.

“Yes, of course! We must strike a temporary alliance with the vampires. Let’s meet them at their dorm tonight, but bring some garlic just in case.”

Just then, they heard the sound of a chair being pulled back relatively close to their table, which almost never happened.

Marshall looked up, seeing a familiar face sitting across from the group.

“Oh, Jesus, Church, it’s that elf.” He whispered.

“Do not make eye contact.”

“I-I think she might’ve seen us.”

Hearing the commotion a table over, Saria looked up from her copy of Rape Fantasies V.27. What was that- Oh, god.

Ohgodohgodohgod. I-it was him! That cowboy she had met at the dorm was sitting right over there! Was her hair alright? T-the glasses didn’t look weird, did they? He saw them before, but… Did he even remember? He must have, but why didn’t he come back that day? He gave her his number, and she even texted him a few times when she was waiting in the closet. She asked him to ‘pls respond’ a few times, but… Maybe it’s because she didn’t give him her name? No, that couldn’t be it…

Maybe she wasn’t good enough for him? He seemed so nice, but maybe he was just being polite when he said he’d rape her… What if he’s going out with some hot dark elf he likes more because she’s good with all that… um… b-bondage stuff? She was interested, but what if it was too much trouble to teach her all those knots and stuff? Or what if she was just too pushy? Maybe he wanted to just push her down on his own and she just made it weird? What if he was into anal and the blowjob thing just put him off?

She sat there, twirling her hair around her finger anxiously as she wondered whether or not she should talk to him or not. Should she? The three men glanced over at her, and she squeaked, involuntarily holding her book up in front of her face.

They noticed her! Oh, no. What if they… a-and… O-oh… Would it be more awkward to just sit here when they knew she was here? They began whispering and she knew she’d have to.

“O-okay, Saria, you can’t let this one get away. Just get up, walk over there and… Say hello? No, no, that’s not good enough… Maybe-”

“Damn it all, she’s certainly seen us now.” Church hissed. “Well done on getting your girlfriend onto our tails, Marshall.”

“Wasn’t my fault, you’re the one that sicced me on her. All ya did was get her riled up and then I was barely able to get rid of her.”

“Oh, shut up. Chap, we need a diversion, preferably some manner of smoke-bomb.”

“Can only give tomorrow, you did not give warning, comrade.” Taking off his khaki backpack, he began to root through it, finally holding up a metal cylinder.

“Only have tear gas, Church. But do you have-”

“Oh, give me that.” Church spat, grabbing the grenade out of Cheslav’s hand.

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34c625 No.219913

File: 280b945062532db⋯.png (288.58 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR CS gas escap….png)

Church cackled and crawled onto the table with some difficulty before wobbling to his feet. Cheslav sighed, then pulled out his gas mask.

“I’m sure you monster harlots are wondering who we are. Well, I’ll tell you…”

Church paused for effect, looking around a cafeteria of confused men and monster alike, most trying to ignore the man standing on the table.

“We are…”

He pulled the pin.

“GONE! HA HA!”

He threw the grenade to his feet, hesitating a moment before he realized what he had done, covering his eyes as the acrid gas wafted into his face before spreading through the rest of the room, prompting screaming as the crowd burst into chaos.

“Oy vey! It’s like anodda Remina in here!” A danuki screamed.

Saria fell onto her back as she tried to stand from her seat, tears and snot running down her face.

“This way, comrades.” Cheslav had his gas mask on, leading the others out of the school. Church was the noisiest out of all of them, coughing and sputtering into his sleeve, which was getting drenched with tears and snot.

“Oh god, why…” Church gasped, hacking up a lung. “…why did I think that was a good idea?”

“Because yer a fuckin’ idjit who don’t think before he acts.”

“I didn’t s-see you coming up with any bright ideas! At least I’m a man who actually acts!” He continued to cough.

“And now look where we are? We could have just got up and walked away! But nooooo!” Marshall covered his mouth and coughed up a glob of mucus. “You had to fuckin’ do this!” He hunched over, puking on the ground.

“Oh jesus christ Marshall! What in god’sssuueugh-” Church gagged, slapping his hand over his mouth.

“D-don’t you puke too, we already have enoughoough-” Marshall hunched over, gagging but successfully holding himself back.

“Oh god, oooh god I’m going to be siiiuuuhck-” Church paused, regaining his composure and smacking his lips. “We need to get the hell out of here.” He gagged again.

“Put ass in gear, comrades. You’ll make Cheslav puke.”

Eventually, they managed to exit the cafeteria safe and sound, Church bending over to empty his stomach contents on the ground. Once they were a safe distance from the building, they could see the entire facility was being evacuated, and sirens could be heard in the distance.

“Oh shit, you fucked up.” Marshall remarked, glaring at Church.

“Correction, we fucked up.”

“Don’t drag us into this, you were the one that threw the goddamn gas grenade.”

“And Chap was the one that gave it to me.”

Cheslav said nothing, giving Church a sour look.

“Whatever. What do we do if the grenade gets traced back to us?”

“If worst comes to worst, we will…” He considered it for a moment. “Blame Prudence!”

“You’re an asshole, you know.”

“It’s fine, she loves it when I do that. Now come along lads, we speak with the vampires tonight at ten. Let’s not be late.”

***

“This is… less impressive that I thought it would be…” Prudence muttered, swishing her tail anxiously.

The group stood before the vampire dorm, less towering and more… squatting. It had been built in the 80s, and despite all the upkeep, it still looked disgusting from the outside, the windows boarded over to keep the sunlight out.

“Oh, pish-posh. If their money’s as old as they are, they’ll have plenty on the inside. Now Marshall, get that door-knocker for me, I can’t reach it and I’ll be damned if I exert too much effort to please a monster.”

Marshall walked up to the huge, out-of-place door, stretching to reach a heavy brass knocker placed nearly eight feet in the air.

Before he had even swung the knocker, the door creaked open to a pitch-black hall, a pair of glowing red eyes leering out at them.

“Uh… W-we’ve been expecting you, mortals! A moment, if you would.”

The door slammed shut, with the sound of rushed whispering and shuffling feet coming from the other side.

“I thought they were expecting us.” Marshall whispered.

A number of minutes passed, with the whispers not subsiding, and Church began to get impatient.

“Right, step aside. I’m not waiting another damned second.” He banged on the door angrily with his cane.

“You’d dare keep my master waiting? He’s the son of the… er… Nineteenth Earl of Banterbury, you know!” Prudence shouted to the vampires inside.

The door flew open, the red eyes slightly wider than before.

“Er, ah, um… F-forgive us, Lord Banterbury, we just hadn’t… er… Please come in. I-if you dare… haha…”

“Oh, we do. Shall we, master?”

“Ah. Yes, we shall. Go ahead, chaps.” Church said, pulling Prudence aside.

“That was fine thinking, girl. Er… Well-done, my dear.” Church looked away, putting his hand onto Prudence’s head and ruffling her hair.

A half-strangled squeal escaped Prudence’s lips as she tried desperately not to faint.

“Come on, then, we’ve wasted enough time already.” He said, striding away as the maid scuttled along behind him, her tail wagging furiously.

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34c625 No.219914

“Damn, Church, ya seen this place?” Marshall gawked.

The hall was actually more brightly-lit than it had seemed from the outside, a number of candelabras throwing deep shadows onto a scrolling black wallpaper whose pattern was unbroken, except for a number of red wall hangings littered throughout the room.

Church walked up to a candelabra, flicking one of the LED candles placed in it.

“Lovely place you’ve got here. It’s got a certain…ah, Je ne sais pas.”

The vampire leading the group stopped and turned around, squinting her eyes.

“You’ll have to forgive the lighting, I’m afraid. The fire brigade was rather insistent we not have open flames in the dorms. Something abou- ”

The sound of something hollow hitting the ground stopped the vampire in her tracks. Prudence, her tail wagging, had knocked over a brass vase, the vessel bouncing as it hit the ground.

“O-ohnoohmygodI’msosorryIdidn’tmeantoIjustwasstandingherethen-”

Marshall picked the suspiciously light pot off the ground.

“Looks like it’s okay, Prudence, not a dent on it.”

“Pointy-tooth lady, pot sounds like bakelite on bayonet, should check for cracks.”

“It’s, uh… fuckfuckfuck… Enchanted! Yeah, it’s a maaaagic pot, it couldn’t possibly break! You’d better put it down, though, it cursed with the spirit of… D-Dracula himself! It’ll suck out your soul if you hold it too long, so just put it down, ‘kay?”

“Uh, ‘kay?” Marshall raised an eyebrow, setting the vase back onto its pedestal.

Church grinned and tapped a brass banister with his cane, some flakes of paint chipping off.

“Ah, it must’ve been very expensive to have all of this enchanted. I really must commend you on your taste.” He said, his words laced with sarcasm.

The vampire seemed to be losing her temper, her voice dripping with rage.

“Well, Lord Banterbury, perhaps you could tell the Grand Council yourself!”

At this, she threw open an unassuming door, where four chairs were arranged in front of a harsh spotlight, leaving the rest of the room obscured by shadow.

“Are we ready?”

“Yeah, just don’t trip over the cord again.”

“ENTER, PUNY MORTALS.”

Church scoffed, striding into the room and taking a seat, motioning his companions to follow.

“W-WELL? WHY HAVE YOU ENTERED OUR SPOOKY REALM?”

Marshall stood up, running his fingers through his hair before scratching the back of his head nervously.

“Whew. Okay. Uh, y’see, ma’am, we were thinking about doing a… That is to say, well, we do that underwear raid thing ya might’ve heard about -n-not for anythin’ weird, mind you- and uh, we planned a raid on a dorm we kinda need some help with, an’ so-”

“SPIT IT OUT, YOU CHARMI- E-ER, PATHETIC WORM.”

“We, you blood-sucking twits, are in the business of nicking knickers, and you’ll be helping us this time around.” Church spat, leaning back smugly.

“HOW DARE YOu say that! I can’t beli- …Ulrika, I thought you said you changed the batteries on the megaphone!”

“U-uh, well, the charger was being really slow, so I just took the batteries out of the remote…”

“Are you planning on keeping me waiting, you becloaked broads?”

A vampire jumped from the shadows, hissing at Church, who kept on an irritated expression.

“A-and what the hell’s wrong with cloaks, you… tweed boy?!

“Well, I manage to dress like a normal human being instead of that chuunibiyou shit you seem to be so fond of!”

“Normal? Who the fuck do you think you are? A profess-”

“COMRADES!”

The room turned to Cheslav, who had stood to yell and was straightening out his clothes. He looked around and grinned.

“Everyone knows tracksuit is best! Comfortable like cloud and stylish like army uniform!”

Time seemed to stop as Cheslav held up his fists in triumph.

“…So who is this you’re, er, ‘raiding’?”

“Dhampirs, actually. Only reason we came, you see.”

“Aaah. All’s well, then. We’ll send someone out to help you around midnight Wednesday for a cut of, oh… fifty pairs?”

“Lovely. Cheers, then.” Church gives a small salute with his cane, leading the crowd out of the room and leaving Cheslav standing alone in the spotlight, still holding his victory pose.

“Cheslav is invincible!

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34c625 No.219916

Wednesday arrived, and it was just shy of midnight. As they approached the dhampir dormitory, the trio of thieves spotted a dark silhouette standing under a streetlight. Waving, the tall wight walked over.

“Are you those guys Ulrika sent me out for? The raiders?”

“We’d prefer ‘Team Good Old Boys,’ actually.” Church replied.

“Yeeep. Just like she described you. Shall we?”

“We shall.” Church agreed. “What’s your name?”

“Natasha, yours?”

“Call me Church. Let’s not dally with small talk any longer, we’re burning moonlight.”

The wight led the group to a hole in the hedge that surrounded the building. Two dhampir sat on the front porch, legs spread and drinking what looked like cherry kool-aid in wine glasses.

“Alright, let’s come up with a plan, here.” Church surveyed the area, looking for a good place to enter. There didn’t seem to be any place for them to sneak in, the windows were boarded up just like the vampire dorm.

“Hey Church, I think we-”

“Hush Marshall. Now, if we want to enter through any of those windows, we need a sufficient timeframe to-”

“Church I think we-”

“What did I just say!?” Church snapped, prompting a moment of awkward silence.

“…As I was saying, we can go back to get Lady Lifts-a-Lot and land her on the roof, then quietly sneak down one by one through the chimney…”

Or we could just distract the dhampir with this lovely lady that the vampires have been so kind to provide us with…” Marshall suggested.

“Marshall you-” Church raised his cane, then lowered it. “Wait, of course! Distract the dhampir using the wight and once they’re lured out we can make our move! I’m a genius!”

Marshall rolled his eyes.

“Hey boys!” Natasha snapped. “Why don’t I just… pretend to be attacking you or something? Those dumb imposters won’t be able to resist rescuing some gentlemen in distress.”

“That’s what I was about to suggest…” Church placed his hand on his chin, contemplating their strategy.

This time, Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Alright, here’s how we’re going to do this, you shambling corpse.” Church pointed to the wight. “You are going to amble after Marshall and Chap in front of the dormitory. Once you grab the attention of those two airheads in the front, run away from them and hope they’re more interested in chasing after you than talking to my colleagues. If they are, just throw sand at them or something. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make this work with what’s left of your brain.”

The wight balled her hand into a fist, talking through gritted teeth. “Alright, and what are you going to do in the meantime?”

“I am going to take this bag of chocolate coins that my bolshevik friend was so kind to procure for me, and throw them on the ground at any dhampir I meet. All vampires have the compulsion to count any and all coins you throw on the ground, and I imagine their half-blooded children are no different.”

Seeing how angry the wight was getting, Marshall placed a hand on her shoulder. “A-anyway, let’s get this show on the road, don’t want to spend too long in each other’s company do we? Eheheh…”

“You’re absolutely right, Marshall. Let’s get to work.” Church motioned them away.

When Marshall was out of Church’s earshot, he leaned in to Natasha, who still looked sour from Church’s remarks. “Sorry ‘bout my friend, he’s uh…” Marshall scratched the back of his neck. “A little prejudiced.”

“Clearly. Is he really not able to tell the difference between me and a zombie? Wights are more intelligent, more graceful! We’re far more capable than… them.

“Yeah I can see that, but ya gotta understand, Church just lumps you in with ghouls and zombies since you’re all a form of undead.”

“Why does he treat the vampires differently then?”

“If I had to guess, it would be because they also put up the same front of class he does.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve got a decent head on your shoulders at least. What about that quiet one, why doesn’t he speak?” She asked, gesturing towards Cheslav.

“Cheslav ain’t really one for words, more of a man of action.”

“That’s actually kind of… hot.”

“Why don’t you tell him that?” Marshall smirked.

The wight blushed. “Later, perhaps. For now, start running with him, I’ll come chasing after you when you mention you’re running from me.” She said. “It feels good to finally have an opportunity to get back at those stupid half-breeds for clit-blocking me and whiteknighting in front of every guy I strike up a conversation with.”

“Err…Riiight. Come on Cheslav!” Marshall motioned for his friend to follow him.

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34c625 No.219917

They ran into the open, Marshall pumping his arms at his sides and Cheslav running with his arms behind his back as usual. “Oh lord, help us! We’re being chased by an undead monster!”

The wight popped from behind the bushes, her hands outstretched in mangled positions in a mimicry of a zombie. “Rrrrgh, I’m gonna get you boys, then bring you back to my grave to uh… rape you and stuff!” She licked her lips.

The two dhampir had been slouching in a very unladylike position suddenly snapped to attention, their legs slamming together and backs straightening out. “W-we’re coming Milords!” One of them opened the door and shouted inside. “Girls! There’s two handsome young men in need of a rescue! Let’s chase this foul beast off!”

In a few seconds, what looked to be about twenty dhampirs had poured out of the dormitory. Was this… all of them? All of them after one wight?

“Shit, looks like I’m going to have my hands full. Good luck, steal as many as you can for me.” The wight salutes them, then uses a blast of magic to propel herself away, all the dhampirs chasing after her. One of them stuck around and pointed at Marshall and Cheslav. “D-don’t move, milords! We will be right back!” She stammered before dashing off in the direction of her roommates, arms behind her back.

“Well, that went better than expected. Let’s get to the dorm, Cheslav.”

“Da, we go.”

They ran up to the door, Church was already standing in front of the empty front hallway. “Haha! Jolly good show, that decomposing bimbo actually managed to empty out the entire dorm! This is going to be by far the easiest heist we’ve done.”

Marshall groaned, remembering Church saying something similar during the hinezumi raid. The group entered the dorm, the hallway dark like the vampire’s, but less ornate. There were pictures of fruit bowls hung up along either side of the wall, and several coat racks they all hung their cloaks on.

“Hold on a minute…” Marshall grabbed one of the few remaining cloaks. “We might not be as alone as we think.”

Just then, a door opened, and a sleepy dhampir peered around the corner, blonde hair in a mess.

“W-what’s going on? I heard voices and shouting and-” She paused, looking at the three men standing in the middle of the hallway.

“O-oh! Milords! What b-brings you to our humble abode? Let me go get the others and tell them you’re here.”

“Shit, we can’t have that happen.”

“W-why no-”

“Haha!” Church threw an enormous handful of chocolate coins on the floor.

The dhampir looked at them, then the coins, then back at them. “Awww, why did you have to go and do that?” She pouts, kneeling down and starting to count them. “One… two… three… four! Ah ah ah.” She stacks the coins in a corner and starts counting again. “Five… six… seven… eight! Ah ah ah.” Despite her quaint little laugh, it didn’t look like she was enjoying herself at all.

“Looks like she’ll be busy with this for a while, come along men.” Church motioned further down the hall with his cane.

The rounded a corner, then went upstairs, coming across where most of the bedrooms were.

“Let’s see, we can maximize our plunder by splitting up and-”

“No, we are not splitting up again.” Marshall insisted. “We are staying together and systematically going room to room, so we don’t get lost or have to deal with trouble by ourselves. We’re a team, remember?”

“Oh settle down, you buffoon.” Church snapped. “I guess we don’t need to split up when we’ve got at most two to deal with.”

Marshall sighed in relief, finally, he wasn’t going to be abandoned.

They entered the first bedroom, which was empty, and found only two pairs inside the top drawer. Church rolled his eyes. “Must be laundry day, soon. Let’s keep going, we’re going to need far more than that to satisfy the vampires.”

Going through the rooms one by one, the trio found that nearly all of them had less than four pairs per drawer, and they were quickly running out of bedrooms. Soon, they only had two left, and they had gathered a total of 44 panties.

“Alright, it’s really down to the wire here. We need at least 7 pairs for it to be a successful raid, and we have only two rooms left. Let’s just take our time and look through the drawers very thoroug-”

One of the doors slammed open, a dhampir sauntering out wearing a revealing black and red leather outfit.

“Why, hello boys, I was wondering when you were going to get to me~” She smirks, hands on her hips. In the dark hallway, Marshall could see that her eyes were glowing red. That could only mean one thing…

“Shit, she’s blooded! Quick, the coins!”

Church reached into the bag and tossed another handful of coins at the floor, though the dhampir just stared at the coins, unamused.

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34c625 No.219919

“…Well? What are you waiting for! Pick them up!”

“Why?” She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.

“W-well, you see, vampires have to count things, so obviously dhampirs do as well! We met one earlier where that was the case…”

“Oh, you must’ve run into Candice. Yeah, she just has OCD… It’s pretty bad, I mean, sometimes she can’t leave her room because she needs to brush her hair a certain number of times and can can’t get it looking right, so she starts over, or she ends up rewriting her notes so many times she runs out of time and does poorly on tests. One time, I heard a rumor that she has trouble keeping a boyfriend because she has to fuck him an even number of strokes otherwise she thinks her dad’s house will get sieged by jews.”

“Wow… that’s uh… Shit. I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like a pretty sad life.” Marshall looked down.

“Yeah, I’m sorry if I explained too much. It’s just, yeah…”

An awkward silence passed.

“So, uh, anyway, as I was saying… you guys are mine!” She reaches into her room, pulls out a boombox and hits ‘play.’

''“It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!

It's Raining Men! Amen!”''

The dhampir had a troubled look on her face, a bead of sweat rolling down her cheek.

Marshall, Church and Cheslav all stared at her, more confused than anything.

''“I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get

Absolutely soaking wet!”''

“Errr, o-one moment.” She flips the boombox around to face her, then takes out the cassette tape.

“Take your time, please.” Church insisted, words dripping with sarcasm.

“Ooooh! I see.” The dhampir turned the cassette over and closed the hatch. Before she could hit play again, Marshall held out his hand.

“Sweetie, I think the moment has passed for a dramatic entrance.”

“Y-yeah, I guess you’re right…” She grumbled. “So… You guys gonna start running, or…?”

Marshall immediately turned tail to bolt away, falling on his face as Church tripped him with his cane.

“No need for that. But- I expect him back by 10, young lady.”

“O-oh! Really? I’ll take him. Thank you misterrrr…?”

“Church. Call me Church.”

“Thanks Mister Church, I’ll have him back by then!” She grabbed Marshall’s leg and effortlessly dragged him into her room.

“CHURCH YOU FUCKING ASSHOOOOOLE!!!” Marshall yelled, trying in vain to get a grip on the carpet.

“Necessary sacrifices need to be made, Marshall!” Church called as the door shut behind them.

***

“Heh, you should be happy you got caught by me~ The other dhampirs don’t know what they’re doing when it comes to sex.”

“You know, as much as I don’t like being thrown under the bus by Church, at least you aren’t what I ran into in the cheshire dorm.”

“Oh? What did you run into there, cowboy?” She pulled him onto her bed, resting his back against the headboard and massaging his shoulders.

Marshall stared off into the distance, having flashbacks. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

The dhampir tilts her head, then shrugs. “Well, I’m glad you’re out of that place. Now are you going to take your pants off, or are you going to have me do all the work~?” She teased.

“Look.” Marshall grabbed her shoulder. “I know I ain’t gonna change yer mind about this. But, at least tell me yer name.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, it totally slipped my mind.” She grabbed the bottom of her tight leather top and peeled it off, revealing she wore no bra underneath. “I’m Isabella, but tonight you can call me…” She snaps her thigh high against her leg for dramatic effect. “…mistress!

Marshall’s eyes glazed over, his head tilted back. ‘Please don’t tell me she’s wearing all this leather for a reason…’

“Hey, are you paying attention to me?”

Marshall snapped out of it. “What? Oh, shit! Yeah, what was that?”

“C-call me mistress!” She asserted, trying to sound dominant.

“Okay partner.”

“You know, nevermind. It’s okay, you don’t have to. God I feel stupid now” She unbuttoned the top of his plaid shirt and worked her way down. “I know I’m blooded and all but it’s still been a while since I’ve fed and gotten laid.”

“Wait, fed!?” It suddenly occurred to Marshall that she was indeed a human-vampire hybrid who had the need to feed… on blood.

“Yeah, you know, when I plunge my fangs into you and drink your blood.”

“D-don’t say it so casually like that!” Marshall grabbed his neck protectively.

“Oh, no need for that, I’m not going to bite your neck. My fangs are actually in my vagina! Eheheh…” She grinned.

Marshall stared at her, mortified.

“Oh geez, I was just kidding! No vagina fangs, I promise. See?” She started to tug her leggings down, but Marshall stopped her.

“N-no need for that! I believe you. But I still don’t like the idea of sharp needles in one of the most vulnerable parts of my body.”

“I-it won’t hurt! At least, I don’t think it hurts, the only other time I fed the guy didn’t tell me it hurt so maybe it’s painless? I mean, he did pass out, but…”

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34c625 No.219920

File: 35fa21c5095b34a⋯.png (231.41 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR dhampire.png)

“Look, Isabella, I’m no stranger to sex with monsters. I’d be fine if that’s all we were doing, but donatin’ blood is a little more than I bargained for.” Marshall held up his hands defensively.

“Aw come on, I promise I’ll be gentle. I’ve just been so thirsty for so long…” She pleaded, grabbing his shoulders.

‘Oh I bet you’ve been thirsty alright.’ Marshall thought to himself.

Now Marshall was in a tough spot. It looked like she was reluctantly giving him a choice on whether or not she fed on him, which he respected. He was absolutely NOT keen on letting her suck his blood, but at the same time, he didn’t want to be rude.

“Nnnrrgh, fiddlesticks. I’ll let ya do it.” He sighed.

“I understand, it was- wait really?” She perked up immediately.

“Yeah, just d-don’t bite too hard or take too much, ‘kay?”

Isabella gasped, latching onto him for a hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I’ll do my best to make it good for you too.” She started to take her leggings off again, and Marshall didn’t stop her. Rather, he felt it was time to get this show moving. He wasn’t going to leave without banging her so he might as well get it over with. As soon as he kicked his jeans off, he looked up to see her already stark naked, save for her hat and her cloak.

“Whoa, that was fast.” Marshall remarked.

“Mmm, thank you. Now, let’s get these off~” She grabbed his boxers and flung them off in one fell swoop. “Not bad, I see you’re as excited for this as I am.”

Marshall didn’t have the heart to tell her about fear-boners.

“Now, to set the mood properly~” She reached over to the side of the bed and grabbed the boombox, opening up a little hatch in the side and taking out one of a few mixtapes she had in there.

“This is the one.” She popped the input open and switched cassettes, then closed it and hit play.

''"Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought

Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about"''

Marshall swung his arm over and hit the stop button. “St-stop that.”

“Huh? You don’t like the song choice?” She pouted.

“This don’t need no music, just looking at you is all I need to set the mood.”

Isabella blushed. “Aaawe, you’re just saying that~” She began to crawl down, grabbing his shaft and rubbing her cheek against it. “It’s such a nice size.” She cooed before wrapping her lips around the tip and descending down about halfway.

Marshall looked down, her eyes were staring into his, half lidded and sensual. He felt the tight, warm sensation of the inside of her mouth slowly enveloping his cock and leaned his head back. Wow, that felt better than he expected. She was better than the other monsters that either caught him or took him as a sacrifice.

“Damn lady, you sure you only had sex once before?”

“Oh I read cosmopolitan magazine all the time! Hold on, let me go get a grapefruit!”

“NO! I-I mean, no, you don’t need to do that. What you’re doing is fine.” Marshall reached down to pat her head reassuringly.

“Y-you sure? I mean, I know this really cool trick and I’ve always wanted to-”

“Yeah I’m sure, just… keep doing what yer doing.”

“Oh okay, got it!” She resumed her blowjob, this time tossing her hair behind her ear before going back down. “Mmmmph.” She slid a little past halfway this time, gradually taking in more of him each stroke.

The more she bobbed her head up and down, the more acutely aware Marshall became of her fangs, which had come out and were just barely sliding against his shaft. He started to wonder, what if she didn’t plan to bite his neck, what if she was going to bite… there? Oh geez, that was going to hurt.

‘Please don’t bite it, please don’t bite it, please don’t bite it…’ He thought.

One of her fangs pricked his shaft, and he started to panic, breathing heavily and grabbing the sides of her mattress. It was too late to tell her to stop, best he could do was hope it wasn’t too painful.

“Mmm?” She noticed his dick starting to throb faster due to his increased heart rate, and looked up to see him sweating, panting and grabbing the sides of her bed. Her conclusion was that he was really getting into it. It seemed to happen after she poked his cock with her fang, so maybe he liked that? Time to do it some more!

He started to feel her poking some more, any chance he had of keeping his composure went out the window. Spasming his hips, he fear-jaculated into her mouth.

“Oh god!” He shouted, eyes watering as he emptied his balls into her mouth.

“Mmmhmmm!” She gulped down each spurt, teeth pressing against his shaft briefly every time she swallowed. She vacuum sucked his tip before popping it out of her mouth. “Oh yeth, thuch a thtrong robutht tathte…”

Wait, where did that lisp come from. “B-beg your pardon, miss?”

It took a minute for Isabella to realize what he was referring to. “O-oh, when my fangth come out, I get a lithp. Ith no big deal, r-right?”

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34c625 No.219922

Marshall stifled a giggle. “W-what now?”

Isabella played with the now flaccid cock with her fingers. “I’ve got to get you hard again, thith ith where the fangth come in~” She pulled herself on top of him, pulling his head back.

“W-wait! How do you reckon d-drinking my blood is gonna fix me going soft? I reckon it’ll have the opposite effect.”

“According to my mom, ith thuppothed to make boyth hard again. Tho jutht… relakth okay? Thith won’t hurt, I think.” She leaned in, pressing her fangs to Marshall’s neck. Marshall felt a dull pain, then a pressure building in his neck. It felt like the area around his neck was getting colder, but the pain was going away.

Marshall clenched his fist, this felt unlike anything he’d been subject to before, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. It was different, at least. He could feel her gulping the blood out of his neck, and he was starting to feel light headed. For a second, he wondered if she was going to accidentally take too much and kill him… but his fears were thankfully quelled when she let go of his neck and licked the blood up.

“There we go, was that so bad?” She crooned, patting him on the head.

Marshall didn’t answer.

“I can thee you’re ready for round two~”

He looked down, well son of a bitch! He was hard as a rock, how did he not notice?

“Well dang, I guess yer mom was right.” Marshall said, looking down proudly at his erection.

“I know, now lay down for me thtud.” She commands, licking up another trickle of blood that had oozed down his neck. “Altho, I’m gonna be licking up your neck for a while, to thtop the flow of blood.”

Marshall couldn’t take her seriously with that voice. “Okay, I’ll jutht lay here then.” He mocked.

She looked down, shoulders drooping. “Thtop mocking me…” She pouted.

Oh great, now Marshall felt bad. “Alright, alright. I’ll take ya seriously.” He beckoned her to crawl on top of him.

“There we go…” She rested her hands on his shoulders, slowly lowering herself down onto his shaft. His tip touched her labia, the slippery flesh easily parting over it. He could only inhale sharply as she descended on top of him, taking him down to the hilt.

“Oh… oh wow!” Marshall managed to choke out, gripping her hips as she grinded her lap against his. “Y-ya sure this is only your second time?”

Isabella blushed. “Well, I do have loth of toyth to choothe from.”

Marshall stifled another chuckle, not wanting to hurt her feelings again. “Oh? I supposed that combined with reading magazines written by 40 year old women would make anybody a sexpert.

“At leatht I don’t pay for my thubthcription, mom doeth.” She lifted her hips back up, then slammed them down.

Marshall huffed, squeezing her ass when she lowered herself all the way on top of him. “Y-you wanna maybe switch to doggystyle? I might cum a little too soon if yer gonna set the pace like this…”

“Oh? I’m thorry, I didn’t know I wath that good~” She taunted, giving his neck another lick while lifting her hips up. “Okay, we can thwitch.” She popped his tip out, and Marshall noticed just how hot her insides were compared to the cold air of the room.

After both of them cooled down a bit, Marshall grabbed Isabella’s hips and pulled her closer, rubbing his tip between her warm slippery folds once again. This time, he set the pace, plunging all the way in immediately which caused her to let out a barely contained squeal of delight. Marshall, encouraged by her noises, started to thrust into her at a steady pace. Her tight pussy clamped onto his shaft every time he bottomed out inside of her, and to his delight, it seemed she wasn’t kidding when she insisted there were no fangs in her vagina.

“I’m getting clothe, cowboy~” She warned, moving her hips back when he shoved his forward.

He slid his hands up from her hips to her breasts, squeezing them and tweaking the nipples with his thumbs while he gave his final thrusts.

“Unh! Give it to me Marthall!” She jerked her hips back so he bumped against her cervix while her inner walls relentlessly squeezed and milked him. Marshall was forced to comply, his own limit being reached.

Marshall squeezed her breasts like a stress ball, shaking as he came his brains out inside of her. Isabella was so spent the upper part of her body dropped onto the bed, trembling in ecstasy while her pussy pulsed against Marshall’s cock, eager to accept all of his seed. After several minutes of bathing in the afterglow, Marshall pulled out with a slick pop, and fell to his side, wrapping his arms around her. After all that uncertainty and reluctance, he was pleasantly surprised to finally enjoy an intimate encounter.

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34c625 No.219924

To be continued, probably tomorrow or monday tbh fampai

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34c625 No.219944

File: 88e363c4a421a79⋯.png (537.21 KB,600x900,2:3,14047433254581.png)

>>219924

World-class writefagging

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34c625 No.219949

>>219924

I love the pictures. They really add to the scene.

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34c625 No.219950

>>219944

TY famalamborghini

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34c625 No.219996

Please do Houri next

Or Apophis/Pharaoh

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34c625 No.220019

>>219558

I just want to see for once a Jinko fic where she use her muscled body and martial arts to beat the fucking shit out of a guy and rape him afterwards, possibly with the threat of a further beating if he keeps resisting.

Nearly all Jinko fics are about Gary Stus that she looks up to who can beat her or give her a fight.

None where she just plains beat down a guy and then rapes him, despite that she is kinda MADE for that fetish.

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34c625 No.220025

>>219924

damn, you can write dope plot AND lewd? this is good shit

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34c625 No.220026

File: 128e572b9ef4a27⋯.gif (Spoiler Image,2.39 MB,448x252,16:9,bigbaws.gif)

The smut scene didn't really seem like it had any place the story and really took me out of it.

I actually found myself checking ID's to see if it was the same writefag.I guess I wouldn't mind so much if it was clear the story was ending soon and everyone got a waifu, but I honestly can't tell.

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34c625 No.220028

>>220026

You can only dodge pussy for so long in this business anon, eventually JUSTICE catches up to you

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34c625 No.220063

>>220019

Degenerate detected.

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34c625 No.220064

File: d745215ba3bbd0a⋯.png (415.56 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR comrade cluc….png)

“So, I guess you enjoyed yourself?” Isabella asked, tracing her finger through Marshall’s chest hair.

“Mhmm…” Marshall, half asleep, pulled her closer and ruffled her blonde hair. “Your lisp seems to have gone away.” He remarked.

“Oh yeah, my fangs have retracted now.” She nuzzled into him as he pulled her closer. “Also, you’re free to leave at any time now. That suck and fuck was just what I needed.”

“Ah, that’s a relief. I was afraid you were gonna claim me or somethin’.”

“Mmm, I might have, if it weren’t for the taste of your blood.”

Marshall opened his eyes, looking into Isabella’s. “Really, what’s wrong with it?”

“It’s really sweet. Like as far as blood goes, it’s too sweet for me. I’m sure someone else might have a taste for it, but personally I’m not a fan.”

“It’s not the sweet tea, is it?”

Isabella gave Marshall a troubled, uncomfortable stare, like that of a father who must explain to his wurm daughter that her dreams of becoming a theoretical physicist are never going to come true.

“So… ya got any panties I can have?”

“What, you want mine as a trophy for fucking me?” She raised an eyebrow.

“W-well, not exactly. Ya see, those other guys you saw are my friends. We raid panties and just got contracted to steal like 50 of them, and we’re still short.”

“How short?”

“We needed 7 pair at least.”

“Ever since getting blooded, I haven’t worn panties very often. Not sure why, just didn’t feel like putting them on. You can have most of them, I think I got like 10 or so I can spare. Consider it thanks for letting me feed on you~”

“Really? Well thank ya kindly, ma’am.”

“I gotta ask, who contracted you?”

“Do I have to say?” Marshall grabbed the back of his neck.

“It would really really make my day if you told me.” She rubbed little circles in his chest.

Stupid Isabella, appealing to his politeness. “The vampires. Wanted 50 pairs.”

“I’m not surprised at all, really. If you would, make sure you get back at them for me somehow. I got a huge beef with one of them, her name is Cassandra. If you do something, send me proof and I’ll owe you one.”

“Send you proof? Like text?”

“Yeah, gimmie your phone and I’ll add my number.”

“I dunno…” He wasn’t too keen on giving his number to yet another monster girl.

“Come on, we had sex. You’re not really going to deny me your number, are you?” Isabella raised an eyebrow.

Marshall sighed, she had a point there. He surrendered his phone to her and obtained her number.

“Well anyway, thanks fer… making this less bad than I thought it was gonna be. I’ll leave once I got enough energy. For now, I’m still more whipped than a bull in a leather club.”

“Take your time, you’re nice and warm~” She giggled, holding herself flush against him.

***

“Alright, Chap, this is the last room. Pray we find enough underwear in here to satisfy the vampires, or we might-” Church gags slightly, “Have to take… soiled pairs.”

Grabbing the handle with both hands, Church turned the knob with all his might, only to have it click in denial.

“Damn it all, the door’s locked. Did you-”

Church went silent, hearing something creak open from behind the door.

“Hey! What-” a voice from the other side called, before a loud thump cut her off.

The door in front of them slowly creaked open, revealing some Che-Guevara-ass chicken standing there.

“Ah, Comrade Cluckers! I thought you were guarding…” At this, Cheslav leaned in to whisper to the chicken, “…precious cargo.”

“B-bkawk!”

“Ah, Cheslav sees. Good chicken, opening door!”

Comrade Cluckers sauntered over to an unconscious dhampir, dropping a bobby pin onto her prostrate body.

“…Chap. I’m not going to ask, but you will be checking it for avian flu if you’re going to keep it.”

“Not of worryings, Comrade Cluckers got over flu, just needed rest and chicken soup to be strong like Serbia again.”

“Isn’t- Never mind, check the closet.”

Cheslav opened up the closet and checked the top drawer, pulling out a wad of panties.

“Ah! Excellent, how many are there?”

“Cheslav counted four.”

“Bollocks, check the other drawers!”

Cheslav opened every drawer from top to bottom, looking through each one very thoroughly. He reached the bottom drawer, looked up at Church and shook his head.

“Are you serious? That can’t be it, they can’t all have so few panties in every drawer! We just need three more, three more to walk out of here victoriously. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we should look for their dirty laundry bags. Maybe we will find some pairs that aren’t that bad.”

Cheslav nodded, letting Comrade Cluckers rest on his head as he sifted through the dhampir’s belongings.

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34c625 No.220065

File: b4794ea25c183dc⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image,36.43 KB,340x270,34:27,chuuni panties.jpg)

“Hold on, I think I found a laundry bag.” Church grabbed a mesh bag at the back of her closet and dragged it out. “Oh, oh my god!” Church immediately covered his mouth with his sleeve. “That smells awful! Why in god’s name did I even consider taking dirty pairs? Let’s go, Chap. We can figure this out back at the base.” Church scoffed, hobbling out of the room with the backpack slung over his shoulder.

Cheslav looked up at Comrade Cluckers, shrugged, then followed Church out of the dormitory. He stopped outside of the door Marshall had been dragged into as they passed it.

“Eeh, is comrade Church sure we do not get Marshall?”

Faintly from inside, the pair could hear a slightly panicked ‘W-wait! How do you reckon d-drinking my blood is gonna…’

“…S-see? He’ll be right as rain, you’ll see. Safe as houses, he always makes it out alright. I-I bet he’s happy to be getting laid, too! Come on, then!”

***

“Oh, master! You’re back! How- W-where’s Marshall?” Prudence asked, back at base.

“I… I’m afraid we won’t be seeing him any more, Prudence.”

“Oh! Did he quit the club?”

“No, no… I… don’t think he’ll be making it out in one piece.”

“B-but… What? I thought master said… Y-you said he always made it out! And… I-I mean, nobody would just… O-oh, master… W-why?” At this, the kikimora began sobbing uncontrollably, clinging to Church’s jacket.

“She was blooded, there was nothing we could do. He’s just a faucet now, his soul will be in a better place soon. Let’s have a moment of silence.”

Taking off his hat, Cheslav looked down, while Prudence barely held herself together, Church resting his hand on her shoulder.

“Alright, we’ll always remember him. …Prudence.”

“Y-yes master?” She looked up, tears streaming down her face.

“How much can you bench-press, by the way?”

“CHURCH!”

The door flew off its hinges, clattering to the floor.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Well at least I’m not a monster fucker.”

“I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

“I-I’ll get you some iced tea, Marshall!” Prudence stuttered, skittering off to the kitchen.

“I notice you’re alive, by the way. Bit more than can be said for the door, but congratulations on getting laid. How was the old girl?”

“I- fine. She was fine, okay? A really sweet… Uh… Prudence, could I just get a glass of water, actually?”

“Sweet, eh? Well, thank you for your dedicated service. Fornication under command of the King, I’m sure. Our only problem now is that we’re short a few pairs.”

“Wait, that’s it?! Not even going to ask anything else?”

“Unless you have a few extra holes in your dick, I’m not really concerned with how the sex was. You seem alright.”

“H-hey, she wasn’t like that! She was pretty good with her mouth, real gentl-”

“Comrades, Cheslav has plan! If we cut panties in half, have double amount! More than enough for pointy-tooth ladies!”

“Actually, partner, Isabella- uh, I mean that dhampir gave me a couple when we were done.”

“Oh, you got her name, how quaint. I bet you gave her your number, too, didn’t you?”

“U-uh…”

“Oh, never mind. Come on, get to sorting.”

Digging through mountains of assorted panties, from ‘Junior Ren Faire 2006’ to bat-print, Church finally held up a lacy pair with a ribbon pentagram on the rear.

“Aha! Here’s our girl. Look at this work of art! I’m not sure whether to display this forward or backward…”

Prudence’s ears twitched. ‘A-are they really that nice? Maybe if I got a couple like that he’d compliment me… But then I’d have to flip my skirt and… oooh~…’ she shivered a bit just imagining it.

“Hmm… Backward it is. Wouldn’t want something obscuring that design. Prudence, be a dear and put these on the Wall of Triumph, won’t you?”

"R-right away master!" She stuttered, snapping out of her fantasy.

“Uh, so are we gonna head to the vampire dorms now? Get these things dropped off?”

“No, I’d rather go to bed. Besides, I’ve got a plan for it. Chap, you’ll need a unicycle by tomorrow night.”

“Wait, Church, what the fuck’re you talkin’ about?”

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34c625 No.220066

END of chapter 5, boy this was a long one.

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34c625 No.220068

File: 25a483062cb26ab⋯.jpg (108.89 KB,750x600,5:4,slav engineer.jpg)

>>220065

Good shit, writefag. Can't wait for the apls.

>“Comrades, Cheslav has plan! If we cut panties in half, have double amount! More than enough for pointy-tooth ladies!”

Glorious soviet man alvays thinks a step ahead.

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34c625 No.220107

File: 1a9ca819c75f428⋯.png (621.48 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Isabella tak….png)

>>219919

>CHURCH YOU FUCKING ASSHOOOOOLE!!!

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34c625 No.220225

File: f564c5ea509c33f⋯.png (1.22 MB,1200x932,300:233,f564c5ea509c33f62576a76be6….png)

>>220107

>mfw the boobs continue the "O"s in Marshall's screaming

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34c625 No.220267

>>220068

But they already hit the aslp

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34c625 No.220402

>>220267

Once more with feeling

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34c625 No.220476

>>220066

this is the perfect mix of funny and lewd, keep it up cuxx Jexx

shub niggurath writefag has his own tread now so you can get back to Phone sex as well. Liking these new stories since I am tired of High School settings, no matter how well written.*

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34c625 No.220521

>>220476

Its okay you don't have to pretend dragon bully is well written. And I have a few ideas for the next phone sex thing, but its an episodic series meaning I update when the inspiration strikes me and the story doesn't have a real end in mind.

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34c625 No.220786

>>220521

>>220476

Samefag here don't be so hard on yourself. The TFT archive made me realize you have been a good comfy writefag for a while. CYOAs are Just easily waifujacked, pulling the story in a direction the author has no inspiration. Not your fault 90% of the shittiest fan fic happens in a HS settings, now will just avoid unless it is a greentext short.

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34c625 No.221608

Metal Gear Church VI: The Panties Strike Back

Once again, the party was standing outside the vampire dorm, this time with a large bag filled to the brim with panties. Church cleared his throat, looking at Marshall.

“Alright, I know the drill.” Marshall said, walking up to the vampire dorm and banging the brass knocker.

After a few seconds of shuffling, the door creaked open and a pair of red eyes stared at them. Once she recognized them, the eyes widened. “Ah! Lord Banterbury and his merry men have come back! Fix a pot of red tea, Ulrika!” The voice commanded, before swinging open the door. “Please, come in Lord Banterbury.”

“I shall, thank you.” Church strolled in, leaving Marshall to lug in the bag of panties. Before Cheslav entered, Church pulled him aside. “Wait out here, I’ll give you your cue once the time comes.”

Cheslav nodded, squatting outside the door.

“Why isn’t the third one coming in?”

“He just wants some errr… fresh air. He’ll come in when he’s ready.”

The vampire looked at Cheslav, then Church. “Oookay, if you say so.”

Marshall was led to the room they had been in last time, though the spotlight had been removed, leaving the room nearly pitch black. Marshall gulped, holding his hands out in front of him to feel for some kind of boundary. He only succeeded in grasping at empty space until his hand rested on something soft and squishy.

“Pervert!” A voice from the dark shouted, striking Marshall across the cheek.

“Ow! Sorry miss, I don’t have night vision or a cane, exactly.” Marshall complained, rubbing his cheek.

“Oh, right. Terribly sorry. Shall I lead you to the couch?” The vampire apologized, resting her hands on his shoulders.

“I-I guess.” Marshall preemptively raised his shoulders in case she tried to sneak in a nibble on his neck.

Once everyone was situated in the room, Church dumped the bag full of panties onto the coffee table. Seeing this, a tall, cloaked woman sauntered in. It was nigh-impossible to see what she looked like due to how dark it was, but it was probably safe to assume she was the head vampire.

“So, you managed to actually do it? Color us impressed~ The wight we sent to help you, Natasha, had some choice words for tweed boy over here, but I don’t care so long as you deliver. And deliver you did. Consider us even.” She sat down on a big, well decorated chair next to the empty fireplace and crossed her legs. “Would you like to join us for tea?”

“We would, thank you!” Church piped up from his own seat which he had found by using his cane like a blind man. “Also, I hope you don’t mind if we tour your… lovely castle.”

“Oh? I thought you didn’t like our decor, judging from your kind words last time.” The head mistress leaned forward, pulling her glasses down her nose a bit.

“I suppose you could say the style has grown on me, after seeing that horrible excuse the dhampir call a dormitory.”

The head vampire chuckled. “Is that so? Well, since you actually managed to meet our demand, I’ll let you off the hook. Oh, here comes Ulrika with the tea now!”

Marshall sat on the couch, his legs spread across two seats. Two vampires walked to either side of him.

“Excuse me good sir, is this seat free?” She asked.

“Oh, err… go ‘head.” He pulled his legs closer to give them room. Great, now he had two vampires sandwiching him in the middle of the couch. He wasn’t exactly comfortable with how close they were to his neck, so he hiked his shoulders up again. “E-excuse me, miss.” He motioned to the head vampire.

“Call me Carmilla.”

“Carmilla, d’ya think we could maybe turn a few of these… candles on?”

One of the vampires leaned in, he could feel her breath tickling his ear. “Oh? But isn’t it so calm and serene in the dark? There’s just something magical about relaxing and letting your guard down in such a quiet and trustworthy place. Why don’t you try it?”

“Yes, try it~” The other vampire coos into his other ear.

“N-no.” Marshall replied, shuddering.

“Go and flip some of those candles on, won’t you? They are our guests after all.”

The vampires looked at Carmilla, pouting, before standing up and giving the room some much needed light. Ulrika, the aforementioned vampire, was placing cups of tea in front of the vampires and filling them. Soon, she got to Church, and poured him a cup as well.

“Would you like any sugar, sir?”

“Absolutely not, tea is supposed to be drank without.”

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34c625 No.221609

“Very well sir.” She then reached Marshall and poured him a glass. “And what about you, sir? Any sugar?”

Isabella’s comments about his blood still echoed through his head. “N-no thanks.”

“Of course, sir.”

Now that the room wasn’t completely pitch black, Church noticed just how many books lined the shelves surrounding the room. What were they even about? He couldn’t tell from here. Focusing back on the cup of steaming tea in front of him, he brought it up to his nose and sniffed.

“That’s an awfully strong smell. What is this kind of tea called? I can’t say I’ve smelled anything quite like it.”

“Oh! It’s a… Christopher Davidson, if I recall.”

“Hm, odd name.” He took a cautious sip, immediately regretting it. Nearly spitting it out, he instead grunted as he struggled to swallow it. “A-ah, I see it’s an acquired taste. A strong flavor indeed.” He hit his chest a few times.

Marshall looked suspiciously down at the cup of tea, dipping his pinky inside. When he pulled up, it was stained red.

“Carmilla, is this blood?” He asked.

“Well, it’s a half-and-half mixture of Ceylon tea and A positive, donated by someone named Christopher Davidson. So it’s not all blood. We figured the tea would make it more palatable.”

Marshall stared at his pinky, then got an idea. Licking the blood off, he took in the taste. As expected, it was metallic and bitter. He held up a clean finger to one of the vampires.

“Hey, can one a y’all do me a favor?”

“I suppose, what do you need?”

“Bite my finger and taste my blood.”

Church looked up from his cup. “Marshall, what are you doing?”

“Trust me, Church. I need to confirm somethin’ real quick.”

“Oh, I’d be happy to have a taste, thank you~” She pulled his finger up to her mouth, and pierced it with her fang.

Marshall inhaled sharply, but it hurt less than he thought it would.

The vampire grimaced, like an otter who absolutely abhorred the taste of watermelon yet couldn’t stop eating it.

“I-it’s an interesting flavor, that’s for sure.”

“Really? What’s it taste like?”

“Have you heard of Mountain Dew?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Does my blood… really taste like Mountain fucking Dew?

“…Yes.”

“I gotta taste this myself.” Marshall said as he licked his finger. It tasted just like the blood in the teacup. “You’re pulling my leg, my blood don’t taste nothin’ like the stuff.”

“You’re a human, you wouldn’t be able to taste it.”

Marshall raised his finger as if to interject, but she made a good point. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. “W-well is having overly sweet blood bad?”

“Errr, I don’t know for sure, I’ve never really encountered blood that tastes like that, so I assume it means something is wrong…”

Marshall sighed, guess it was time to go on a diet.

“Well, I won’t let any bad tea ruin this momentous occasion. Carmilla, would you be so kind as to give us a tour of your castle?” Church asked, standing up from the chair and stretching.

“O-oh, a tour?” Carmilla’s face brightened up. “I’ve always wanted to give a tour of our castle. Please, do follow me.” She sprang up from her chair and beckoned Church to follow her.

“Come along Marshall, let’s not keep this lovely lady waiting. That is, unless you’d like to stay and keep the other vampires company…”

“I’m comin’, hold yer horses.” Marshall rocked himself forward, standing up and heading after Church.

***

“…And this is the third bathroom, don’t mind the bloodstains in the sink, those were from a nosebleed, not some ritual sacrifice or midnight snack.” Carmilla raised her hand up to mouth. “Ohohoho~”

Church rolled his eyes, the entire tour had been as boring as he expected it to be. Carmilla made it a point to show off every room in the dormitory, not that it wasn’t what he wanted, but at this point it was a waste of his time. He had all the information he came here for.

“Now, if you’ll follow me, the last room on our magical tour is the Great Lair, also known as my room~”

Oh? Maybe he had spoken too soon.

“Nnnrgh, one second. This door always takes a bit of extra… EFFORT!” She jerked the door open, then motioned them inside.

Marshall was the first one inside, his jaw agape at the grandeur of the room. “Holy hell, ya gotta see this, Church.”

“What, you thought I was going to just stand outside and let you gawk all by yourself?” Church remarked, strolling in the room. Carmilla’s lair was well lit in comparison to the other rooms, with red wallpaper, a mahogany floor, and gold-framed pictures of famous vampires feeding on victims. An electric candle chandelier hung from her ceiling, with candelabras stationed on various surfaces inside her room, and sitting directly across her bed with brass knobs and a black wooden frame, was a huge vanity.

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34c625 No.221613

“Say, how come you have such a big mirror if you can’t see your reflection?” Marshall asked.

“If you look over to the right, you’ll see a portrait of my mother feeding on a poor peasant.” She gestured to the largest framed picture.

“Oh fine, I guess if I’m gonna be ignored then I’ll just shut up. Fuckin’ whatever right? I ask a legitimate logical question and she just glosses it over. It’s fine, I’m over it.” Marshall grumbled to himself bitterly.

“Ah, your mother is stunning, just what I would expect of a gem such as yourself.”

Carmilla blushed. “Oh, you flatter me. If it’s not too late, I can show you what a gem I am on the bed while your bumpkin friend watches.”

Both Church and Marshall looked at one another, silently agreeing that it was time to go.

“Actually, we should ought get going soon. It is getting late after all. I do appreciate the offer though.” Church lied, tugging on Marshall’s sleeve to lead him out of the room.

“Come back anytime~” Carmilla waved as they left.

Church and Marshall headed downstairs and into the parlor, where the other vampires were chatting and sipping on their ‘red’ tea.

“Oh, how was the tour~” One of them asked cordially.

“Jus’ fine, but we really oughta be headin’ ou-”

“Everyone, can I have your attention please?” Church called, interrupting Marshall and drawing the attention of every vampire in the room, even Carmilla, who had flown into the room via a swarm of bats.

“What is it, Lord Banterbury?” She asked.

“Once again, I would like to thank you dearly for sending that wight to help us. If not for her, our operation would not be nearly as successful as it was.”

“We also wish to thank you for delivering on your promise. Had you failed in your mission, we would have drained you all dry, ohohoho~” Carmilla once again placed her hand up to her mouth as she laughed.

“…Right. Anyway, it’s about time we leave. But before we go, I have a… parting gift for you all.” He hobbled over to the door, the vampires peeking their heads around the parlor curiously.

“Here comes that slav!” Church opened the door, and after a short delay Cheslav hopped in, riding a unicycle with Comrade Cluckers sitting on his head.

“Oi cyka blyat idi nahui whaddap?” Cheslav said as he rounded the corner into the parlor.

“O-oh my, what is… this?” Carmilla asked, more than a little confused by the slav’s sudden appearance. Though the more she watched him, the more mesmerized she was by the spinning wheel, and how that lovely black and white pattern painted along the spokes swirled and swirled…

“Call it a personal show, I train my… subordinates to entertain guests. Something any good Lord should know how to do.”

Carmilla didn’t respond, she and the other vampires were too busy staring at the hypnotically beautiful performance of The Great Cheslav.

“Come now, we must hurry Marshall. I’m not sure how long the hypno-cycle is going to work on them.” Church whispered, sneaking towards the stairs.

“W-wait up, how the… a hypno-cycle? How the hell do you even come up with these ideas?” Marshall said as he hastily followed Church.

“I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand my genius. Just keep a lookout for any that may follow us.”

They went back to Carmilla’s room, and suddenly Marshall understood what was going on. “You’re going to attempt this now!? When they could come up at any moment?”

“There’s no better time to do it, we have their trust and know the entire layout of their building. This gives us the perfect recipe for a fast raid. Now let’s see here, her dresser was- aha!” Church threw open the top drawer and took a nice handful, stuffing them into the sack that once held the dhampir panties. “Alright, let’s Terry-Fox it out of here, before it’s too late.”

Marshall and Church made off with the goods, the bag over Marshall’s shoulder. As they headed back to base, Church texted Cheslav telling him it was safe to make an escape.

***

Before long, all three party members were at the base, the fruits of their loom in tow. Church dumped the handful of panties onto the table, grinning smugly.

“D-did they not want some of the panties you brought them, Master? Do you want me to-”

“Oh, no, my dear, we just stopped by to pick up some extras while we were out.”

“W-wait, did you…?”

“Oh, yes. Yes we did. Right under their pretentious little noses.”

“I-isn’t that… I mean, the vampires a-and… they’ll know it was you!”

Church dug around in the small pile on the table.

“Oh, they won’t come sniffing around, unless the one we stole them from wants her friends to see this.

He chuckled, pulling out a pair of small, well-worn batgirl panties and spinning them around his finger. Prudence covered her mouth and blushed, giving a startled “O-oh my…”

“Marshall, put them up, if you would.”

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34c625 No.221615

“Oh yeah, gimme a sec.” Marshall said, pulling out his phone and typing out a small message to Isabella, attaching a picture of the newly-acquired panties.

Within seconds, the dhampir had replied, “hey nice man that was fast… I owe u 1.”

Church leaned over his shoulder, peeking at the message. “Oooooh, chatting with your girlfriend, I see. Going to ask for another ‘gentle’ blowjob, or are we going to actually use it for something?”

“Hey, fuck you, partner, she ain’t my girlfriend, ya just necessarily sacrificed me to her. Like you do every time, ya asshole.”

“Maybe Cheslav will be sacrifice for alp dorm?”

“Oh, shut your mouth about the damn twink succubi, you knob jockey.”

“Alps not gay, alps are nice.”

“Yes they are, they were men once, and then they turned because they were too gay!

“Ah, comrade, were men. Vagina means not gay.”

“Marshall, tell this absolute faggot about his degenerate tendencies.”

Marshall started to sweat. “Uh… I… S-say, I’ve been thinkin’ and I still don’t know where those kiki panties came from. I mean, I should’ve remembered somethin’ but we never even got near their dorm.”

A long moment passed as Church scratched his chin, pondering.

“Hmm… I suppose you’re right. But then where are they from?”

Prudence started to sweat. W-were they going to notice this time? They didn’t before, but they were really onto the right track now. But what would she do? She was in front of everybody… Would Church just punish her right here? I-in front of everyone? She was practically beside herself with worry, sweating profusely, but at the same time, her tail began to wag uncontrollably.

Time seemed to stop as Church looked toward her. Ohgodohjesuswhywhywhywhy-

Church placed a hand on her shoulder. H-he had her now, she couldn’t even run away, and, w-well, she wasn’t going to anyway, but it was going to be so embarrassing doing it in front of everyone, a-and what if they couldn’t look at her the same way any more? She’d just get treated like a toy and they’d pull on her tail and order her around and make her lick the floor and-

Prudence.

She squealed, jumping as she was roused from her fantasies. She was really in for it now. Her voice cracked as she barely managed to stutter out a “YES!? I-I mean, yes, M-Master?”

“Get me a pot of tea, it’s late.”

“W-what?”

“I can’t think without my tea, woman, go fetch me a pot.”

“Wh- I-I mean… I thought Master was… O-oh…”

Prudence’s entire body drooped. Was he not going to…? It’s not as though she wanted the chicken to lick her eyeballs while Master took her from behind in front of a crowd, b-but… He was never going to notice her, was he?

“Uh, Prudence? Ya doin’ okay?” Marshall asked, seeing tears welling up in her eyes.

“U-um, w-well, I just, that is…”

“Oh, come on now, what’s wrong?”

“…H-how much weight can your rope hold?”

“Well, well, I’m glad someone can appreciate my knowledge around here. I mean, it really depends! Ya got yer nylons, an’ those’re pretty good for outdoor use, what with the weather resistance n’all. I usually use a nice, solid hemp, seein’ as it’s classic, an’ it’ll treat ya good if you take care of it-”

“U-uh, Marshall, I was…” The kikimora tried to interject, but Marshall continued speaking excitedly about rope materials. Giving up, she moved off to the kitchen to make a pot of tea for Master.

Church addressed the room, though between Prudence leaving and Marshall still passionately continuing on about the virtues of jute, Cheslav was his only audience member.

“With this, gentlemen, I’d say we’ve reached a landmark. Two dorms in a day- and no walks in the park, either. This calls for a celebration! PRUDENCE! BRING OUT THE ALCOHOL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!”

“Okay, Master! You don’t need to be that loud, though, I can hear you just fine over here!”

The kikimora padded carefully back into the room, several bottles, a teapot and cups balanced precariously on a tea tray. She set it down on the table, sighing in relief before looking over to see Marshall, still talking.

“ -’an that’s why I think the six millimeter jute’s the best all-’round, really.”

“Um, t-thank you Marshall… I think I changed my mind, though… Master, your tea.”

Bringing Marshall a cup of tea next, they watched Church and Cheslav sorting through the bottles of vodka, gin, whiskey and several other types of drink.

“…So, uh, gonna be a hell of a party, huh?”

“I hope so, just as long as Master doesn’t get sick again. …Especially on the rug.”

Marshall laughs, shifting a bit on his feet and glancing at the wall of panties a few times before turning to Prudence.

“Y’know, I’ve been thinkin’… We don’t know any other kikis, and if we didn’t go to the dorm…”

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34c625 No.221623

Prudence froze. What? They weren’t- But, they didn’t- H-he couldn’t know! They were all so oblivious and… Oh, god, was he going to tell Master? W-what if… What if he hated her for not telling him? Or even… What if he hated her for stealing his glory?! He might just… Would he just cut her out of his life? She trembled a little bit, looking up at Marshall.

“Heh, I figured.”

“P-please… O-oh god, please… D-don’t tell him, I’ll do anything!

“Ah, don’t worry about it, I’m not in any mood to interfere. I guess there’s one thing you could do for me, though…”

What’s he going to ask for? Is he going to abuse her? L-like make her call Master while he put ice cubes in her butt or something?! What if she couldn’t hold her voice in and Master found out? O-or make her strip naked in front of a window and-

Marshall pointed to the kitchen, scratching the back of his head.

“I hate to ask you to go straight back, but would you mind grabbin’ some nuts back there? I’m feeling a bit hungry after all that.”

Prudence nearly fainted. Was… N-no, it couldn’t be more obvious… He wanted her to… S-sate his hunger in the kitchen while everyone else was busy. G-grab his nuts? She wasn’t sure how well she’d even be able to give fellatio… Oh, no, what if he made her stick her tongue in his butt and lick around inside instead? She wasn’t sure whether her heart was ready for that, but… A-at least she could save her first for Master… Tears welled up in her eyes as she grabbed her skirt tightly.

“P-please at least let me stay a v-… virgin…”

Marshall looked at her, utterly horrified.

“What in tarn- The everloving hell are you talking about, Prudence?”

“I-I just… please don’t take it away! I want to save it for the man I love!”

“St-stop that. I’m not gonna… Honestly, what the hell is going on in your head, woman? An’ do ya mean Church?”

The kikimora made a strangled sound of panic as she jumped forward, trying to cover the man’s mouth.

“SHHH! H-how did you…?!”

“…Prudence. Darlin’. That’s past just unobservant. You’re callin’ me retarded, here.”

“W-well, I… D-does Cheslav know?”

“Look, everyone here to Timbuktu could figure it out if they ever saw ya in a room with him. I’m pretty sure Church is the only person who doesn’t know.”

“Y-you’re not going to tell him, are you?”

“Look, you’d have to be actively raping him for him to figure out you fancied him.”

Prudence paused for a long moment, playing with a lock of her hair.

“…D-do you think I should?”

Marshall patted her on the shoulder. grinning.

“Look, I didn’t give you the idea. Sometimes I get too busy to come in to the base when I get er, messages from my friends, though.”

“R-really? Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I-I mean… T-that’s too bad, isn’t it? I mean, if something were to happen…

“Ah, he’ll be fine.”

***

“Cheersh!” Marshall raised a bottle of whiskey, clinking it against Church’s gin and Cheslav’s vodka bottle.

“How…how… how’d you manage t’eshcape the vampire dorm, Chap? We didn’t get t’see that.” Church asked, pouring a glass of gin into his teacup and downing it.

“Cheslav was riding hypno-cycle to trick pointy-tooth ladies, and Comrade Cluckers made them pretend to be of hens. Probably over by now.” He mentioned, taking another swig of vodka.

“Speaking o’yer pet chicken, where’d he… where ‘dhe go?” Marshall asked.

“Comrade Cluckers is guarding dorm. Nobody will get past him.”

Marshall and Church looked at each other, silently agreeing. They knew Cheslav wasn’t a sarcastic person, but at the same time… it was usually just better not to ask.

“At any rate, tonight’s a night to have a real swah… soi… shwer… uhhh… shelebrashun. Prudensh, c’mere and drink with us.” He sloppily beckoned her over.

Prudence fidgeted, arms behind her back. “But… didn’t you say ‘drinking is a man's activity,’ Master?” She traced the ground with her foot.

“Bah! You’re ghonna have fun and you’re ghonna… FACKING like it. Now siddown next t’me and get yourself a glash.”

In an instant, Prudence was kneeling next to Church, glass in hand and tail wagging.

“I said t’SIT down you living feaff-featherdeh… featherdushter. You’re not suckin’ knobs, it’s gin.

Prudence blushed. “I-I mean, I wouldn’t mind something else of Master’s… M-maybe…?”

“That’s not… Naaah. We’re ‘avin’ fun tonight. Sit on that shtool and I’ll mix y’up a drink.” He stood up, wobbly on his cane, then hobbled over to the kitchen to get some ingredients. He came back with a lemon, some rosemary, and a bottle of tonic.

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34c625 No.221627

“Now, first let me see that glash…” He scooted it to the middle of the table, then grabbed the lemon. “Firsht, givit some grape juice…” He bites into the lemon, and squeezes until juice and seeds leak into the glass below. “Then, shome parshley.” He took the cap off the rosemary bottle and dumped a hearty load into the glass. “Now tha gin…” He poured in the gin until the glass was nearly full. “Aahhh, feck, t’much gin. One sec’nd, jushhht one sec.”

He sipped at the glass until it was half-emptied. “There y’ go, now f’r the tonic.” He poured the remainder of the glass with tonic, spilling some of it over the top. “Shee? It mixes itshelf up wittha bubbles. B’n app th’ teeth, Prudensh.” He scooted it towards the poor kikimora, who stared uncomfortably at the bubbling abomination before her.

“M-Master, are you sure about this? I-I mean you’re kind of-”

Church held up a finger to her mouth.

“Ssshhhh. ‘S gonna be… Yer gonna love it, I proooomise.”

Prudence still wasn’t sure. She did want to drink it for Master, especially since h-he put his lips on the same cup… B-but…

“C’moooon, ol’ girl, ‘s fiiiiine. ‘S great, so jes’… Just ‘ave a sip.”

He stroked her cheek as affectionately as he could manage, just barely avoiding poking her in the eye as he brought the drink up to her mouth.

Prudence squealed a bit at the unexpected touching, her body shaking and as her tail wagged madly.

“Ah, U-uh… C-could you just… keep doing that while I drink?” Prudence stuttered, blushing while opening her mouth for Church to haphazardly pour it in, ending up with half the glass running down her chin.

She tried to concentrate on Church’s hand as she braced herself for the disgu- What?

Her head felt like it was spinning. It was strong, certainly, but the lemon made it just sweet enough without being too much, and all that rosemary had just added… something magical. Church began giggling madly as he wiped her face off with a handkerchief.

“Gin’s arright, innit?”

“M-Master! How did you… I mean, it just seemed like so much, but then you… I-it was delicious, Master!”

“Of coursh it’ws great, Prudensh! I made it aff… after all.”

***

About an hour later, they all sat around the table. Prudence, having had several more glasses of Church’s gin and tonic, had managed to get as plastered as the rest of group. Marshall was calling Cheslav a cowpoke again while the man sang in Russian, hooking his arm around Church, who was mixing more gin and tonic for the kikimora.

“C-careful Marshall, youuuu don’t wanna make out with-” She hiccuped. “C-Cheslav again, do you?” She giggled, wiping the drool off her chin.

“I didn- What the fffffuck, Prudence? I didn’ make out with ‘im…” Marshall took another swig of whiskey.

“M-maybe you should?” She slurped another string of drool into her mouth. “I-I mean, you’re booooth suhuch cute guys~”

“Sh-shorry Prudence, d-don’ really swing thataway. Neither does Cowpoke over here, right?”

“I dunno ‘bout that, Marshmall…Heheh, your name shoundslike Marshmallow. Did y’know that? An’… and Chap reeealllyy sheems to like those… faggoty alpsh.”

“Oi cyka, alps nice and you know it. Blyat.” Cheslav tried to take another sip of vodka, but he had finished his entire bottle.

Prudence, still giggling, fell into Church’s lap, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Ehehe… Marshmallow… Yer soooooo funny, Mashter… Y’know, I was thinkin’… uh… wait… O-oh yeah!” She looked up at Church, her eyes sparkling. “Mashter, yer jes’ the besht…”

“O’ courshe I am! Head of tha… Th’ besht damn panty raiders a man could ask for!”

“We should… Do somethin’ shpeshal, don’t ya think, Mashter? …We could build a shtatue! A monamment t’ Mashter w-wiff a reaaally big dick, n’ that’d show those damn ffffuckin’… shoggothsh who’s boss ‘round here!”

“Tha… ‘S…yeah! N’ we can puddit on… l-like a mountain a’ panties! Like Sir Hillary climbin’ fackin’ Ev’rest!”

“W-wait, Mashter… W-who’sh Hillary? Do I know ‘er? I’ll beat ‘er up if she triesta ffffuckin’… S-steal ya!”

“Aaaah, can it, y’… y’…” Church dozed off a moment, but snapped back to attention when his chin hit his chest. “MARSHMALLOW! D’y’know how t’ drive one of those excav… eckssa… feckin’… digger thingsh?”

“Huh? Excalib…ecksivater?” He scratched his head. “Oh! Yeah, I got a comm.. Commershal license. I can drive one a’ those. Bu’ where’re we gonna get one?”

Cheslav, who had been idly listening to their conversation, suddenly stood up. “Comrades, Cheslav is of having idea.”

***

The four of them stumbled over to the human dorm, Cheslav taking the lead. Despite drinking the highest volume of alcohol, he seemed to be the least inhibited. Then again, that’s to be expected of a full-blooded Russian.

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34c625 No.221630

File: 927d1f82ce490b4⋯.png (794.49 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Cheslav's Bl….png)

“Of this way, comrades, Cheslav has perfect plan to get eskyavator.” He brought them to a parking lot behind the dorm, where a green milsurp soviet truck was parked, carrying several barrels marked “Cosmoline.”

“Thisssizznt an excatruck, it’sa big cargo… truck… thing.” Church walked up and leaned against the front of it.

“Da, but tovarisch, we will get eskyavator using truck.”

“H-how d’ya reckon we’reuhhh… gonna do tha?”

“Hop in magic Cosmoline truck and find out.” Cheslav beckoned his friends inside.

“I call th’ froont, get in th’back Marshmallow.” Church slurred, gimping to the passenger seat of the truck and slouching against the seat while Prudence sat on his lap.

“What’re you doing youuu fackin’… oh, whatever.” Church couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Oh boy, ishlike a firetruck!” Marshall climbed onto the back, sitting down with his back against a barrel of cosmo. Cheslav turned the keys in the ignition, and they drove off.

***

The drive was surprisingly long, they were going down an unmarked dirt road with no signs in sight, surrounded by trees. All the light they had were the headlights of Cheslav’s truck, and it barely illuminated the road in front of them. Even though Cheslav had driven this route many times, driving it drunk was causing him to swerve every so often to prevent running himself off the road.

“You suuuure y’know what you’re doin, Chappy boy?” Church asked, Prudence’s bushy tail swatting him across the face.

“Agh! St-stop that, woman! You’re gonna fackin’… make me go blind’re somethin’.”

“Shorry Mashter, it’s just sooo exsi… exciting to be out here wif’ you… m-makes it hard to control my tail.”

“Well finnnda way t’control it, before I grab it.”

“Mmmm, Mashter please~” She continued to wag her tail in his lap.

“Here we are, comrades.” Cheslav said as he started to slow down the truck. The trees previously obstructing their vision cleared up, revealing a quaint little marketplace. Cheslav narrowly missed running over a trashcan as he pulled into the curb. As soon as he parked, an eastern European man saw his truck and shouted, “CYKA BLYAT, IS COMRADE CHESLAV, OUR SAVIOR!”

In an instant, hundreds of other gopniks, dresy, marozai, and urlas poured out into the street, surrounding the truck of precious cargo.

“Czego chcesz, koleś?” One of the dres asked, stroking a barrel of cosmoline.

“Eskyavator, kurwa!” He shouted, some of the Polish in the crowd nodded and ran off.

“This place is… messier’n the Crimean war. The hell was that boy saying, Chappy?”

“Do not know, was Pole. This is ultimate market, friend. Can get anything for right amount of cosmoline.”

“Cheslaaaav, what’s a cosmoooliine? Is it some kinda druug?” Prudence asked, grabbing onto Cheslav’s shoulders and hanging off of them.

“Nyet Prudence, cosmoline is eastern Europe’s most precious and coveted material, keeps metal from rusting and drying out in cold, harsh winter. Also preserves anything you put it on.”

“Oooooh, so does it work on food?”

“Babushka would use cosmo as cooking oil all the time.” Cheslav boasted.

“Woooow!” Prudence had a great newfound respect for this… cosmoline.

“GET OUT OF THE WAY, BLYAT!” Shouted a gopnik from the crowd.

A group of men and horses drag a yellow excavator through the mob, a man squatting on the roof shouting profanity as they went along. As they rolled up, the man on the roof jumped off, landing in front of Cheslav.

“Oi, yebat’sya srat’sya, I give you forty-five litres, no more.” Cheslav said, walking up to the other man.

“No, no, not mine. You talk with boss.” At this, the other man shouted to one of his subordinates. “BLYAT! WHY HAVE YOU NOT OPENED DOOR!?”

The door was thrown open, and out stepped…

An old woman wearing a headscarf? She had to be less than 5 feet tall, though her apron and slouch made her seem shorter. As she hopped out of the excavator’s cab, she hit the first man over the head with a rolling pin that had been stashed in her apron.

“OI! No cursing, you gopnik boys! You turn out same as deadbeat fathers! Your mamas are crying!”

“Eh, blin, s-sorry babushka, was-”

“Do not care! Come home drunk and swearing one more time, Aleksei, and you get worse than rolling pin!”

The old lady turned to Cheslav, walking up to him.

“Cheslav! Teach these bad boys to be good man like you, always visiting babushka!” She embraced Cheslav, then held him out to arm’s length.

“Eh, babushka, need eskyavator for special project tonight. Brought drum of cosmoline for payings…”

“Only need digging truck? I give, I give, but Cheslav, you are of lookings so thin! Take extra pelmeni for new friends. Oh! Takings extra kompot, have too much! BOYS! FILL CHESLAV TRUCK WITH KOMPOT BARRELS!”

“O-of waitings, babushka, do not need-”

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34c625 No.221632

File: 453c93ffd0ae053⋯.png (341.04 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Marshall's s….png)

The old woman, not listening, began handing out several plates of food to the men, smiling at the kikimora as she passed.

The crowd of men began unloading the cosmoline from the back, rolling massive wooden barrels of juice in their place. Cheers went up when the last barrel was loaded, the man named Aleksei patting Cheslav on the back.

“Cheslav, you are true hero. Can finally build cosmo slippings-and-slidings in warehouse for quick movings!”

After they bid their farewells, the raiders drove away from the marketplace, with the excavator being towed behind Cheslav’s truck and Marshall snoozing on top of the kompot barrels.

***

Once they arrived at the town’s central park, the four of them got out and surveyed the area.

“Ah, this’s perfect!” Church stood in front of the statue at the center of the park; a man shaking hands with a lilim, which marked the first contact of men and monster. “Th’perfect spot to build our glooorious monnament. This statue has t’go though.” He kicked the base.

“Marshall, of wakings, tovarisch.” Cheslav gently shook the snoozing cowboy, who stirred on top of his kompot barrel bed.

“Nnnnnokay, I’m up, I’m up.” Marshall groaned, he had slept off some of the alcohol, though it gave him a splitting headache. “Goddamn my head is throbbin,’ what’s goin on?”

“Have procured eskyavator.” Cheslav pointed to the excavator just behind the truck.

“Holy shit, you weren’t kidding.” Marshall couldn’t believe his eyes. The absolute madman! “Can’t wait to drive this thing!” He got off the back of the truck, though still wobbly, and made his way to the excavator.

“Marshmallow! You… you’re awake! Quick, I needja t’ destroy that statue with your driving skills.”

“Hmm? One sec.” Marshall threw open the excavator cab and climbed inside. “I’m havin’ a bit of trouble seein’ what ya need me to destroy, lemme jus’ turn these…” He flipped on the headlights, which illuminated the statue in front of it. “Is that what you need taken out?”

“Yeah, that one ri’… tttthere. Jes’… swing at it a bit n’ we can build my monnament on its rubble.”

“Gotcha, boss.” Marshall started up the excavator, then swung the shovel into the side like a wrecking ball, taking both statues clean off their pedestal.

“Woooooo!” Church and Prudence cheered, while Cheslav squatted on top of his truck and watched with awe.

“Haha! We’ve done it! Now to build our monu- waaaait a second.”

“What’s wrong?”

“We forgot th’ cem’nt we needa cotstr- eeeer… build th’ feckin’ thing! Blast it all!”

“Is okay comrades, can build out of dirt!”

“Oh yeeeaah, like a… burial mound’re some shit!” Church stumbled over to the base and started to scoop up handfuls of dirt.

Just then, they heard sirens in the distance.

“Awwww shit, we’re in trouble now.” Marshall scrambled to get out of the excavator cab, nearly falling out of it in the process.

“Quickly comrades, into the Blyat Machine!” Cheslav motioned his friends to pile back into his truck, and they disappeared back into the woods.

***

Marshall stretched out on his bed. Aww, fuck. His head was pounding, and he couldn’t remember anything after he’d talked to Prudence last night.

He rose groggily from his bed, stumbling toward his dresser to change out of the whiskey-soaked clothes he’d apparently slept in. Throwing his old clothes in a heap, he began digging through the dresser. Jeans. Shirt. Socks, and…

“The fuck?”

His boxers were all gone, but the drawer was still full of… panties? They were small, and after a moment he got a whiff of them. They definitely weren’t clean. Goddammit. That ruled out Church, then, he’d never touch them. Did… Did someone break into his dorm, then? He looked around, but nothing else was missing.

He pulled out his phone, checking to see if he’d gotten any messages, and- Shit. Class was starting in ten minutes. And wasn’t that quiz today? Throwing on his clothes in a rush, he sprinted to his class halfway across the campus.

***

Damn it all. He’d sprinted all the way here just to find out the professor was late. Marshall dropped himself into a seat beside Cheslav.

“Hey, uh, weird question, but… Did anyone break into your dorm last night?”

“No, room is safe as bunker, comrade.”

Marshall rested his face in his hands. Was he going crazy? Maybe he just stole them last night? His head hurt too much to think about it any more.

“A-are these seats taken~?” Looking up, he saw that elf who he’d given his number to, back in their dorm. Saria, was it? Natasha, the wight who’d helped them with the vampire dorm was with her, too.

“Uh, no, I guess?” If Church hadn’t come yet, he was probably going to sleep through the class. Marshall briefly thought about giving him a wake-up call, but he never answered when he was hung-

RRRRRIIIIIIINNNGGGG

Marshall looked at his phone. It was… Church?

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34c625 No.221635

“…Marshall.”

“Uh… H-hey? Why aren’t ya in class?”

“I need you to…” Church hesitated, clicking his tongue unhappily. “…Do me a… a favour.”

Marshall was taken aback. Did… did someone kill Church and replace him with someone who could do a good impression of him? He’d never ask for help…

“It’s an emergency, Marshall.”

“Uh, ‘kay? What is it?”

“You need to… Er… Look, just go to the corner store, buy some underwear and bring it to my room.”

“Wait, what?”

“Just do it. …Please.

Marshall agreed, hanging up confused. Saria leaned over, looking at Marshall’s phone.

“Soooo… Your friend had his underwear stolen?”

He cocked his head. “Uh, he didn’t say that, but…”

“OH! Um, uh, l-lucky guess?! Haha…”

“Well, makes sense, probably. Can’t think of a reason he’d need ‘em otherwise…”

“Yeah, um, t-that’s what I was thinking! Did anything, uh, w-well… Did you find anything in your room?”

“Dunno, might just be some in the laundry for me, but it looks like I brought some random panties home or something yesterday. Got kinda drunk, so we must’ve ended up on a raid or something.”

“Ha, m-maybe you just ended up charming the panties right off someone with those cowboy charms… Eheh…” Saria pushed her glasses up her nose.

Marshall raised his eyebrows. “Really? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you took em with how much my ‘cowboy charm’ seems to have worked on you. Eheheh…” He joked.

Saria froze in a panic. D-did he know?! Her ears were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy.

There was drool on her tunic already. (Mon’s spaghetti.)

He didn’t seem too mad though… M-maybe he even used them? The elf paused, thinking a little harder. …Was he…

Marshall gave her another awkward smile, then looked away.

She held up a hand to her face, now bright red. Her gaze slowly floated down to Marshall’s crotch. H-he must be… She imagined what it must have looked like, him taking her tiny panties and putting them on, a-and coming to class… She pushed up her glasses again in an attempt to calm herself down. ‘O-okay, Saria, just don’t… I’ve gotta s-stop drooling, at least…’ She wiped her mouth, looking down at her hand to discover… blood?

Marshall thought about the girl to his side. He was surprised she’d come to talk to him again, with the whole ‘gas grenade’ thing… He felt pretty bad about it… Maybe he could just say something to smooth it over? It’s not like she seemed like a bad girl, really. He looked over at the elf, blood running endlessly out of her nose, as she panicked, stuttering and staring at him.

“Aw, shit, Saria, you okay? You’re bleedin’ there!”

“Ah, u-um… there wasn’t any in those, were there?!”

“What? Look, you oughta get to the bathroom or something.”

“R-right!?” She stood up stiffly, making a mad dash for the door, only turning around to yell “I’ll be waiting!”

***

Natasha glanced at Cheslav a few times, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t even looked when Saria ran out of the room with a bloody nose. She wanted to talk to him, but…

‘Ah, dammit, just say the first thing that comes to your mind, girl, you’re a wight! Nobility!’

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34c625 No.221636

File: 9fcf909994be813⋯.png (911.63 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Wight, prote….png)

“H-hey, big boy, did I ever tell you I was impressed by that running of yours? You have such graaaaceful form~”

‘NO! Not like that! He’s going to think you’re-’

“Da. Is faster this way.”

“Aha… Right. It must be awfully hard to get that fast without magic… I bet you have impressive muscles.”

“Of thankings.”

Natasha screamed internally. He didn’t even look her way once! And what was with these short answers?! Was he mad?

“So… Uh… Your friend got his underwear stolen… Did anything happen to you?”

“No, room is safe.”

“Oh? D-do you have some kind of scary monster in there? Haha…”

The wight thought back to last night. She’d gone to his room solo while the rest of the team hit the other dorms. She thought it’d be fine, but…

She had found the door to his apartment unlocked, but as soon as she had opened the door, she felt a deep sense of foreboding. She had thought she’d be okay, so she stepped in. As soon as she did, though, she heard a sound like the grating of nails on a chalkboard. Reaching his bedroom, she began shaking when she saw a single glowing point in the dark. She hadn’t been sure of what it was, until it blinked. She’d fled in terror after that.

Natasha was snapped out of her remembrance when Cheslav answered her.

“Nyet, is friend, not monster. Came from same place as Cheslav, have same babushka. Grew up strong together like brothers on vodka and chicken shashlik. Saved each other more times than can count in English.”

“R-really? Who is he?”

“Comrade Cluckers. Raised him like son from egg. Is very good- no, is best chicken.”

She couldn’t believe her ears. A chicken? Then what the hell was with that atmosphere back then? She felt like an idiot. Nobility? Jesus Christ, she suddenly felt like she was on the same level as that weird fujoshi elf.

***

Saria stood in the bathroom, alone. Her nose had stopped bleeding about 10 minutes ago, but she was still bent over the sink, panties around her ankles, waiting for Marshall to come in and take her. She’d found the perfect place where she could still see him in the mirror when he came, so she could get a look at those tight panties around that muscular… She drooled from both ends in anticipation. It was going to be worth it when he came in and- The door opened and the elf squeaked in excitement.

Marcy walked down the hall, swinging her barbed tail. It felt good to finally be done that stupid history quiz, but she had to piss something fierce. Fuckin’ prof wouldn’t let her leave before everyone was done the quiz, probably because she was just jealous of manticores being able to get good men. Fuckin’ sheepbitches.

She opened the door, striding straight to the stall when-

There was an elf bent over the sink, dry blood all over her face and the counters. And was she… Masturbating?

“…What the fuck?”

She jumped, pulling her fingers away from her crotch to push up a particularly dorky-looking pair of glasses to start stuttering incomprehensibly and disrobing.

“I’m gonna fuckin’… shit, just clean yourself up, I’m using a different bathroom.”

End of chapter 6

Also, I promise I'm the same writefag, I see my ID changed for some reason.

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34c625 No.221662

>>221636

This is fucking great. You Bromont and Jexx are the reason I keep coming back to monster. Also for a couple of other CYOAS I guess. Like The elven prince one, and Bearson.

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34c625 No.221676

>>221636

… We require more Slavs. And english panty thieves. And more southrons. Basically more of what you just wrote

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34c625 No.221678

>>221676

By 'we' do you mean this story, or the board in general?

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34c625 No.221688

>>221678

Why not both?

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34c625 No.221701

>>215310

Is this supposed to be /pol/, /fit/ and /k/?

These characters are preddy awesome desu desu

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34c625 No.221705

>>216508

This

Prudence best girl

Notice her church!

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34c625 No.221707

>>217943

Fucking ivan puklin psyops on a couple of faggot cats

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34c625 No.221709

>>221705

fam have you heard of a little thing called saging?

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34c625 No.221729

>the chicken to lick her eyeballs while Master took her from behind in front of a crowd

> make her call Master while he put ice cubes in her butt or something?!

Can't say I saw that coming

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34c625 No.224007

File: fbdf59589aa055d⋯.png (537.94 KB,1752x1447,1752:1447,jinko.png)

I have the perfect art for when they raid the Jinko

This art is pretty much MADE for this fic.

Hope it also inspires the writer to write about Jinko.

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34c625 No.224015

File: 4523910dfbed9a8⋯.jpg (208.35 KB,1920x1080,16:9,enraged.jpg)

>>219521

>>220019

>>224007

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING LEARN TO SAGE

WHY WOULD IT BE AN UPDATE WHEN IT'S BEGGING FOR JINKOS AGAIN

TO THE >>>/matangopit/ WITH YOU FUCKING QUADRUPLE NIGGERS

Jexx you better update soon or you're next boyo

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34c625 No.224037

*shrugs

Just saw that pic and it looked like if it was literally extracted from the story, so I had to post it.

Whatever the case, is better than allowing this thread to die down being buried by other threads.

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34c625 No.224040

File: 2e43dbc48251ee9⋯.png (125.46 KB,405x281,405:281,really.png)

>>224037

>*shrugs

>lack of sage

This thread will be fine. You can go to the catalog, Ctrl + F "panty raider" and find this. /monster/ is a slower board, so it will not die.

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34c625 No.224041

File: ee850994c67abea⋯.jpg (23.85 KB,400x462,200:231,1462976976567-4.jpg)

>>224037

Listen newfag-kun, there's no point in bumping the thread until the story gets an update. That's the whole point of saging.

Also what >>224040 said, there's no way this thread is going to drop off the board between updates.

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34c625 No.224119

>>224041

Unless the updates have weeks between each other, then they might

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34c625 No.224147

>>224119

Nigger I've gone literally two months without updating and my story stayed on the board.

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34c625 No.224187

>>224119

The last thread before it gets culled on this board has a final post from 3 months ago. If a writefag hasn't updated by then, my interest is already gone.

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34c625 No.224248

>>221662

>no ResonantDrunk

Anon you're doing yourself a disservice by not reading the Child of the Australs story.

Also

>Jexx

see >>218839

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34c625 No.225410

File: 1d34a3c6d4134e7⋯.png (383.27 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Prudence is ….png)

>>221627

You guys forgot a drawing

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34c625 No.225501

File: 0dfeb9554cc6e81⋯.jpg (61.26 KB,496x542,248:271,14309581348141.jpg)

>I'll update this weekly unless I get done with the entries sooner in which case I'll post them sooner.

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34c625 No.225621

>>225501

usually we (the two writefags collabing on this) try to write an entry ahead, but we caught up with our reserves and had to wait until the next entry was done. Posting now.

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34c625 No.225622

Chapter 7: The Mouse has Landed in the Matango Pit

Marshall strolled up to Church’s apartment, grumbling to himself. Fucking rich asshole had his parents pay to give him deluxe housing, available only to humans with higher income. Cheslav had one too, but he probably made the money himself, knowing him. At any rate, he had managed to find a few packs of boxer-briefs on sale for ten bucks. He knocked on his door, and after several British-sounding swears, Church peered out of the door. “Hm? Oh, it’s you. Good. You have the goods, don’t you?”

Marshall rolled his eyes before giving Church the pack of boxer briefs.

“Hmm, worse than my usual pair, but they’ll have to do. A moment, if you will.” He shut the door, and after a few minutes, he opened it up fully, wearing a velvet smoking jacket and cravat. “Come in, come in, we have things to discuss.”

Marshall cautiously stepped inside Church’s dorm. It was always so neat and orderly, and he demanded his guests not do anything to fuck it up. Taking off his work boots at the door, Marshall sidestepped the coffee table, which had a delicate looking tea set on top, before sitting on the faux-velvet couch in his living room. His apartment was cramped, with all the components to make up a large study and a bedroom, yet none of the space. His wall was packed with photos, mostly self portraits, and above the head of his bed was a corkboard filled with participation ribbons. Near the door, standing proud, was a grandfather clock with a bust of Edgar Allan Poe standing on top. Next to the bust sat a plush raven.

“Hmph, subtle.” Marshall remarked.

“I’m sorry to have to ask you to perform such a bloody ridiculous task. And believe me, I would rather not have anyone near my apartment under normal circumstances. Which is precisely the problem.” Church poured himself a cup of tea. “Would you like one as well? Or is it too British for your tastes?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” Marshall folded his arms. “So, tell me what happened this mornin,’ up until you found out all yer underwear was missing.”

“Well, I woke up with a splitting headache, so I rolled out of bed and had some morning tea. Then once my head cleared I remembered what happened last night and panicked until I remembered we got away. I had another pot of tea to settle down, then I took a shower and shaved as per usual. Nothing out of the ordinary thus far, so I had a spot more tea, and when I went to get dressed, I opened my underwear drawer and saw it completely empty. I figured ‘maybe they’re all in the laundry hamper,’ but looking there, I didn’t see any there either. I had some more tea, then started to look all over my room. They weren’t under my bed, or in my closet, nowhere. That’s when I knew something was wrong. I called you after another cup of tea and since then I’ve been drinking tea and re-ordering the classics in my library by order of how classic they are, and changing up the order of my pictures, and having tea and-.” Church explained, his leg shaking.

“Church, how many cups of tea have you had?

“Thirty-twelve? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter!”

“Church, focus. Is that all that happened?” Marshall asked.

“W-well, I was halfway through putting all my Patrick White novels at the top, but then I changed my mind and put them all back, and that’s when you came.”

“Alright. I had a similar morning, just with less tea drinking and instead having pairs of panties in place of my boxers.”

“What, you’re not… wearing them right now, are you?”

“Of course not, I did what any normal person would do and went commando.”

“Normal!? You fucking barbarian! How can you just go without?

“What’s wrong with goin’ commando? Every guy does it once in a while. Why didn’t you do it when you couldn’t find any pairs anywhere?”

“Because an outfit that isn’t complete is not an outfit worth wearing. And do you have no respect for the boys downstairs? It’s horrible!”

“You pretentious britbong. I bet you wear British-flag print underwear.”

“A-and what if I do? There’s nothing wrong with union jack underwear, it’s patriotic, something I figure you would understand with your sodding Texas flag print blanket!”

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34c625 No.225623

“That blanket was a gift from my granny, don’t you bad-mouth it.”

“I’m not bad-mouthing your gift, I’m bad-mouthing the state printed on it.”

“Ya got something to say ‘bout Texas, pardner?” Marshall leaned in, his forehead almost touching Church’s.

“You mean the only US state tha-”

Suddenly, Marshall’s phone started ringing, causing both of them to abruptly stop arguing.

“…Lemme get that.” Marshall pulled his phone out of his pocket and stood up off the couch. “Hello?”

“Hey, where are you? I’ve been waiting for 52 minutes and 22 seconds! I was going to call in exactly an hour but I just couldn’t wait that long… I figured I’d wait until 5 minutes before, but then I thought you wouldn’t be mad at me if I called a little early…”

“Who the heck his this?”

“S-Saria of course! Don’t you remember earlier in class? I said I’d be waiting for you!”

“Saria? O-oh yeah! What the hell are you talking about? You left class and never came back. I thought you went to the nurse or something.”

“I wasn’t that sick, all I needed was a shot of penis-illin~”

“Wasn’t it just a nosebleed? And it’s penicillin, actually.”

“Uh…” Her end was silent a few seconds.

“You know what? Nevermind. Is there anythin’ else you need to tell me?”

“W-well I actually wanted to ask you if you uh…” She paused, muttering incoherently. “… that is, if it’s not too much trouble…”

“Miss, I didn’t quite catch that. You wanted to know if what?”

Church, suddenly taking an interest in this conversation, stood up to try and look at Marshall’s phone. “Marshall, who are you talking to? She’s not blackmailing you about my underwear, is she?”

“Shut up.”

“W-wha?”

“Not you, Church.”

“Who’s going to church? I-I can meet you at church if that’s uh… that’s where you’re going…” Saria said, the thought of getting fucked in such a sacred place making her knees wobbly.

“I’m not at church.”

“Yes you are, you’re right here with me!”

“No Church, I meant like the place.”

“Who’s Church, is she prettier than me!?”

“Wha? N-no, Church is a dude!”

“O-oh…” S-so he was gay? She had no idea how to feel about that. On one hand, it was just like her yaoi mangas, but on the other hand she really liked that guy… M-maybe he’d be open up to the idea of a threesome? Maybe? Wait… they could have a threesome in church! Oh, that would be so naughty, especially since two of them were gay. “I guess if you’re busy with your… special friend… I’ll leave you alone.”

“Special friend? You mean… Oh, God no, it’s not like that!”

“What is she talking about, Marshall?”

“Stop talking, Church. And Saria, I’m kinda in the middle of somethin’ here. If ya got somethin’ to say then come on and spit it out for chrissakes!” Marshall snapped, losing patience.

“Oh! I uh… w-well I just, I was wondering if, well…”

“Lord almighty woman, what’s got you so wired up?”

“… D-date!?”

The date? She called him in the middle of his argument for the fucking date? “Uh… October 2nd?”

“T-that’s today!”

“I know it is.” He said, unamused.

“Uhh I mean I… w-where!?”

“What do you mean ‘where?’”

“Where are you going?”

“Oh me? Dunno, I guess I was going to go to the cafeteria in about half an hour, since I’m kinda hungry.”

“M-me too! Uh… b-bye!” She hesitated a second before hanging up.

“Marshall, did you just set up a date with her?” Church asked, raising his eyebrow.

“What? No I- Shit, did it sound like that’s what I was doing?”

“Afraid so, Marshall.”

“Oh dammit, that’s no good. I better call’er up and tell her it’s a misunderstanding.” He started to tap the keys on his phone.

“You can do it later, we need to fix this damn situation now. What were you saying about what happened today?”

As much as Marshall wanted to complain about being brushed off, he continued. “Right… So it looks like my drawer was raided too, but they replaced it all with women’s panties.”

“Yes, you mentioned that already. What about Chap?”

“Well, I asked him, but he said he didn’t have anythin’ happen out of the ordinary last night.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, he didn’t get no underwear stolen, crazy right?”

“Marshall, you know what this means, don’t you?”

“What, Church?”

Church put a hand on Marshall’s shoulder and leaned in to whisper to him.

“That means Chap’s a traitor! He’s sold us out and given some of those harlots our apartment keys! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it has to be done. We’re going to have to kill him.” Church took another shaky sip of tea, giving the other man an unhinged stare.

“You can’t be serious.”

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34c625 No.225627

“No, I mean, it’ll be so easy. We could simply sneak into his apartment and fill one of his vodka bottles with bleach, it won’t smell any different, he would take one sip and that would be the end of it. Or, that greasy stuff, the, uh… the ‘cosmoline,’ I believe he called it. All we would have to do is set fire to it and his entire apartment would burn down! If we just lock him inside, that’s it! Though I suppose if we wanted to really cover our tracks we could poison a caesar sa- NO! THAT’S IT! JULIUS CAESAR! We can just stab him and stab him and stab him and stab him and-”

Marshall slammed his hand on Church’s back. “Church, I think you’ve had enough tea. You’re spouting crazy shit now.”

“I…” Church paused, getting ahold of himself but still shaking. “You’re right, what am I doing? We just need to get to the bottom of this bloody nonsense before it happens again. I can’t miss another day of class and I’ll be damned if I have to go… commando.” He spat that last word with extra venom.

“Fine, I agree we have to solve this. I jus’ don’t know where to begin.”

“We need to find out what everyone else knows. We’ll meet at the club and collate our information. Get Prudence and Chap together.”

“I suppose I got no choice, do I? Alright, I’ll see you back at the base after I change into some real boxers.” Marshall stretched himself, then started to head out of the apartment.

***

Marshall drove back to campus, stepping out and heading back to his dorm. He sent Saria a text on the way: ‘Sorry, something actually came up, so I can’t come today.’ To try and soften it a little, he added ‘we could take a raincheck and reschedule if you wanted, though.’

Not far from his dorm, Saria happened to notice him out of the crowd,

“M-maybe he’s changing out of my panties?!” She muttered, wiping a stray strand of drool from her mouth and following Marshall at a distance. “I’m not missing this!”

***

Marshall knocked on the door to the base, and within a few seconds, Prudence answered. “Oh, Marshall! You’re early today.” She looked to either side of her and nervously beckoned him inside.

“Err, yeah. Just had to cancel some accidental plans, now that I can’t go to the cafeteria just in case she decided to stick around, I figure I might as well eat here.”

“Oh, I see…” She shuffled over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. “We’re running a bit low on food, but we probably have some hot pockets in the freezer or something.”

Once again, Isabella’s comments about his blood echoed through his head. “Well, do we have anything… uh… more nutritious?”

“Nutritious? That’s new…” She scanned the fridge once more. “Oh! The vegetable crisper has stuff in it!

“Oh really? Lemme see.” Marshall lumbered into the kitchen and opened up the crisper, looking at what was inside. “Lessee here, we got… carrot sticks? I guess those are good for you. Ah! What’s this?” He held up a bag of green leaves, the bottom of the bag lined with green sludge. “The heck is kale? Whatever it is it sorta looks like lettuce.” He tossed it unceremoniously on the countertop.

“Uh, Marshall?” Prudence held up the bag of semi-sludge kale. “You sure this is good?”

“It’s probably good for me, dunno about how good it actually is.” He ruffled through the crisper some more, pulling out some wobbly stalks of celery. “These should do me nicely.”

“W-well I just… o-okay…” Prudence decided it was best to leave him be, and so she slinked out of the kitchen. Conveniently, she heard a knock on the door which provided her the perfect excuse to leave.

“Let’s see what else we got ‘ere, oh! Here’s some almonds, best activate ‘em!” He ran the tupperware containing the almonds under the sink for a few seconds then tossed the watery almonds into a plastic bowl. “There, now let’s see, we got any protein? I want this salad to fill me up too.” He rummaged around until he found… aha! “Leftover steak, perfect!” He opened the container and tossed a morsel into his mouth. “Mmm, this is more bland than… ass. Eh, I’ll just sprinkle pepper on it til it tastes better.” He tossed the steak into the plastic bowl, then started piling in the rest of the ingredients.

Meanwhile, Prudence had let Church in, and was brewing him some sleepytime tea to try and get him to calm down. Poor guy had so much tea he was trembling like Michael J. Fox licking a car battery.

“Sorry for being late Prudence, I had… a stressful morning. Thankfully, my good friend Marshall came over to relieve me.” He suddenly stood up, his knees locking together. “Speaking of relief, I will be right back!” He zoomed off to the lavatory.

Prudence sat on a chair, kicking her legs. She heard a weird tapping sound come from the window and upon investigating, she saw her new friend, Saria, staring at her through the window.

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34c625 No.225630

File: 68cdb3eb8a37bc9⋯.png (678.98 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Angry Pruden….png)

‘What the hell are you doing!?’ She thought, wishing desperately to convey it to her. ‘You’ll get yourself caught!’ Prudence started frantically gesturing at Saria to get out of sight, but all Saria did in response was give her two thumbs up. Prudence facepalmed, redoubling her efforts.

“Privyet, Prudence!

“WAAAHHH CHESLAV!?” Prudence nearly jumped out of her skin, spinning around to see the slav himself standing next to her. “W-when did you get in here?”

“Not of worryings, comrade. What is Prudence doing? She looks like she is trying to signal Spetznaz attack order.”

“Uhhh…”

Cheslav leaned in really close, his mouth brushing against her furry ear. “Is Prudence secret member of Spetznaz too?”

Prudence twitched in panic, a floppy ear nearly swatting Cheslav in the face. He knew. He had to know. He’d seen that… that idiot Saria and now he was going to… Would he catch Saria and interrogate her? What if Master found out? She’d really done it this time. If he found out she’d helped them, he could never trust her again! She hadn’t meant to, really! It wasn’t her fault, they just came up to her and… oooooh… She thought back to the (modest!) pile of underwear in her room. Maybe if she put them back he’d just think he misplaced them? No, that was right out… If they caught Saria, it’d be all over… What if she just sold her out? Wait, what if Cheslav just… broke her neck or something?! Then Master would find all that underwear and she couldn’t defend herself and he’d hate her forever and wouldn’t visit her grave and then call someone to get rid of her ghost and- WHAT IF HE ALREADY DID IT?! It could be that… that chicken could just be wearing Saria’s skin just to trick her! She’d already acknowledged her, so now they had to know for sure! She looked around the room. Maybe Marshall was making that disgusting salad to feed to her before they just tortured her to death?!?!

‘I’msosorryIdidn’tmeantopleaseforgivemeMasterI’mtooyoungtodiepleasedon’ttorturemetodeathorImeanatleasthavesexwithmeoncemaybe?!’

Cheslav stared at the kikimora, paralyzed where she stood, subtly shaking.

“Eeeeh, Prudence? Is joke.”

Back to the kitchen, Marshall had assembled his horrible monstrosity of a salad and was now spicing it up with various things he found in the spice cabinet. Not according to any culinary instinct, he just threw in what sounded fancy.

“Ah, what’s this? Parsley flakes? Don’t mind if I do. Fennel seeds? That sounds tasty. Ooooh and nutmeg is a good spice, if it’s used in pumpkin pie it’s gotta be good.” He didn’t skimp out on anything, going for the gusto on any spice he decided to use. Finally, it was complete. But wait, there was something in the back that looked very salad-y, he reached into the back of the pantry and pulled it out. “Bay leaves… Well, leaves have gotta go with more leaves.” He took a small handful and laid them neatly on top of his salad. Grabbing a bottle of balsamic vinaigrette dressing, he dumped it on until the bottom of his salad was visibly swimming in dressing. Finally, it was complete.

“Hey Prudence, come look at what I managed t’make!” He called, heading over to the table where Prudence and Cheslav were.

“Comrade Marshall! Prudence is probably of breakings.” Cheslav said, concern in his voice. He waved his hand in front of her face, demonstrating her lack of responsiveness.

“What? Aw dagnabit, not again. I’ll get Church.” Marshall sighed, setting his salad down on the table. “CHURCH!”

“One moment.” A toilet flushed, and after the faucet ran for a few seconds, Church came out of the lavatory. “What do you need?”

Marshall just pointed at the unresponsive kikimora.

“Oh, hmmm, looks like the roomba is broken again.” He clears his throat. “Oh me, oh my, I do have ever so much laundry to do. I’ll have to do it all by myself, too.” He looked over expectantly at Prudence, who didn’t budge.

“Hmmm, that didn’t work this time? Oh well. Marshall, you still have the number of that Shoggoth, don’t you?”

“Uh, I’ll check.” Marshall pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. “I think this is her, I’ll send her a-”

“RRRRRRRRGH!” Prudence snapped back to reality, grabbing Marshall’s arm and biting it.

“Ow, the fuck Prudence?” Marshall dropped his phone, and rubbed his arm.

“NO!” She barked. “NO, NO, NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO NO!

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34c625 No.225633

File: d492682de42db15⋯.png (513.86 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR captured Sar….png)

“Ah, you’re back. Good to have you again, Prudence.” He reached out and patted her on the head, which slowly calmed her down as she repeated herself over and over, until she finally stopped.

“M-Master… pleasepleaseplease, don’t replace me please!” She whined, burying her teary-eyed face into his smoking jacket.

“Not as long as you stay loyal to me, and get your head out of there, you’ll get your bloody tears on my jacket.” He gently shoved her head away.

“Aaanyway, I am famished. I’m jus’ gonna enjoy this here salad that I made.” Marshall beamed, proud of his horrible creation.

“Good god, Marshall. The hell is that?”

“It’s my healthy lunch.”

“That ‘lunch’ is not fit for human consumption. I wouldn’t even feed it to Prudence.”

“I’ll show you what’s not fit for human consumption.” Marshall grabbed his fork and impaled the salad, pulling up a wad of soggy spiced kale and heavily peppered steak. He shoveled it into his mouth, and struggled to keep a straight face as he realized that maybe, maybe he should leave the cooking to the culinary arts student next time. He couldn’t back down now though, he had to commit.

“Sheeee? Ish not tha’ bad.” He lied, grimacing as he swallowed it. He took another bite and found himself biting into one of the brittle bay leaves.

“Oh god, wha’ is wrong wif theshe bay leavsh?”

“You’re not supposed to eat bay leaves you dolt! They’re for flavoring soups and sauces. You take them out later.”

“…Ooooh.” Marshall turned his head to face Prudence. “Could you perhabs ged me a trash can?”

Prudence nodded and fetched him one from the kitchen.

“PTOOEGH!” Marshall spat out the mouthful of toxic salad, gagging a few times to get every fleck of bay leaf out of his mouth. He got up and poured himself a glass of water, chugging it to try and wash away the taste.

Just then, a creak sounded overhead. They all looked up to the ceiling, but no further noise was heard.

“Alright, we need to talk about the incident this morning. That is, Marshall and I losing our underwear.”

Crrreeeakk…

Church briefly glanced at the ceiling before continuing. “Chap, I understand you didn’t have any of your underwear stolen. I don’t want to point fingers just yet, so do you have any idea why that is?”

“Cheslav is not of knowings, was just regular night. Fed Comrade Cluckers and went to bed, woke up as usual. Though, Cheslav did notice something strange…”

“Strange? Like what?”

Crrreeeeaaaakkk…

They all looked up to the ceiling again, and Marshall scratched his head. “Ya think we might be gettin’ a varmint problem?”

“We’ll look into it later. Let’s keep on track. Chap, what did you find was unusual?”

“Cheslav saw the clothes on his floor were of being moved, one of his vodka bottles was also knocked over.”

“Those are some awfully petty things to notice.” Church said, suspicion in his voice.

“Is all Cheslav noticed. Could have been Comrade Cluckers for all Cheslav knows.”

“Wait, something just occurred to me.”

“What, Church?”

“Whoever stole our underwear needed to have known where we live. Assuming it wasn’t Chap, it would be someone that either can get our addresses, or already has them…”

‘This is it. It’s over. It couldn’t be anyone but me. They’re going to find out. Don’t cry. Just don’t cry… Maybe I could just get one last sniff of Master’s jacket… J-just as a goodbye…’

Just then, the ceiling above them collapsed and a petite elf crashed on top of the table, cracking it in half and laying in a bed of debris. For a moment, nobody moved, everyone just took in the situation for a minute. Eventually, Saria broke the silence.

“Sub… subdue me!” She grabbed her glasses and tossed them across the room. “I’m helpless!”

Church couldn’t help but cringe. “Er… Yes. Marshall, do… that.”

***

‘Good thing I brought my rope today.’ Marshall thought to himself as he tied up the blindfolded elf, who did nothing to resist anything he did to her. For a while, the trio were discussing what to do with her in the other room. Once they came to a unanimous conclusion, they walked back into the room where Saria was tied up.

“I suppose you’re wondering why we tied you up.” Church said, sitting across from her.

“A-are you guys gonna gangbang me? Can Marshall go first?” She asked, looking blindly around the room.

Marshall shook his head and placed something on the floor in front of her. “Ya might wanna hold onto these more carefully, you almost broke ‘em.”

“Mmmm, if I were to break those, I would have to be carried around by someone, there would be no way I could navigate on my own~”

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34c625 No.225636

File: b6b6d448e6c74ae⋯.png (589.55 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR tied up Prud….png)

“I ain’t carrying you nowhere. Now get yer head out of the clouds before I cancel the rain check on our date.”

“A-are you going to keep me in your room, then? Like a pet? I-I can lick your feet and fetch you the paper every morning! And then you could take me out for walks on a leash n-naked! And people would laugh but it wouldn’t matter becau-”

“Good fucking god, woman, do shut up. I already regret keeping you here this long. If you were spying on us, you obviously know something. So you’re going to be telling us what happened to our underwear last night.” Church spat, disgusted.

“Hmmm… No, I don’t think so… You’re going to have to have Marshall interrogate me very hard. Even then, I’ll never talk.” Saria leaned her head back, drool running down her chin.

“I hope you’re aware of how unpleasant this can be for you. I’m going to ask a different question to you.” Church began to pace back and forth in front of the bound elf. “A group of our enemies wouldn’t have such easy access to locked dorm rooms, even less so to off-campus housing. You’re obviously not working alone. So tell me, who it is. A traitor? A slime? Kunoichi?”

“Eheh… You expect me to talk, Englishman?”

Church raised a hand, poised to slap her, when he stopped, snapping his fingers.

“No, miss elf, I expect you to cry.” Still speaking directly to the elf, he leaned forward to judge her reaction. “You know, Marshall, I think I’ve had a change of heart about your love life. You really ought to call that dhampir back, I think she fancied you.”

“Uh, Church? She said she didn’t-” Marshall was ignored, Church putting his mouth inches from Saria’s ear.

I, for one, think she’d be a lovely girlfriend for you.” The elf began to sweat, pulling against her restraints for the first time since they’d begun. “Her eyes are such a lovely red, too. You know, maybe that’s the colour of tie I’ll wear when I’m best man at your wedding.

“NO! PLEASE! NO CUCKING! DON’T DO IT, MARSHALL!” Saria screamed out, struggling desperately.

“THEN TELL US WHO YOUR DAMNED ACCOMPLICES ARE, YOU BLOODY-”

Prudence, who had been standing silently in the corner, suddenly dropped to her hands and knees, sobbing.

“I-I’m sorry Master! I didn’t mean to! It just… O-oh god!” Prudence couldn’t continue, laying down to whimper on the floor for a minute before she regained enough composure to pull herself up to a kneel, head down.

“What? Prudence, what are you talking about?” Church stared at the silent kikimora, whose entire body was drooping.

“Prudence, you’re sayin’… You helped ‘em?” Marshall asked. Prudence nodded sadly in response, her eyes never rising from the floor.

“I- er, that is… well. Okay, er… Dammit.” Church began to pace again in agitation. “What are we… Right. First things first. Marshall, tie up Prudence as well, so she can’t escape.”

“W-wait! I promise I won’t try to escape… M-Master, could it at least be you?” Prudence looked up at Church with watery eyes, holding her wrists together in front of her.

“O-of course not! Marshall, why aren’t you- AGH!” He was cut off by several coils of rope hitting him square in the chest.

“Look, partner, I’ll stop her if she tries to run for it, but you oughta take this one.”

“Damned insubordinate, mutinous snakes.” Church muttered to himself, laying his cane down and kneeling in front of Prudence.

Saria piped up from the corner. “Ah! Take the blindfold off, I wanna watch!”

“N-no! In fact, Marshall, Chap, t-turn around. I won’t have you backseat tying and uh… stealing my techniques!”

For about fifteen minutes afterwards, the sounds of shuffling, stretching rope and muffled squeaks from Prudence filled the room, the kikimora whispering ‘Um, Master, I think it’s supposed to go…’ several times.

“Er… Alright, that’s about as done as it’s going to get.”

The two men turned around to find a proud looking Church standing over the kikimora lying on the ground, rope messily wound around her body, her hands tied haphazardly in front of her.

“Uh, Church, this might be splittin’ hairs, since she’s not gonna try to run, but…”

“M-magnificent, I know. Must have been an expert on this in a previous life or some such.”

“Prudence looks like caterpillar with feathers.” Cheslav said.

“Precisely, my dear boy! Immobile as an inchworm! Now then, let’s move along, shall we?”

Marshall rolled his eyes, then sat across from the pair of tied-up troublemakers. “Let’s start with a basic question. Why exactly didja try and steal our underwear?”

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34c625 No.225637

Both of them looked at each other, then shrugged. “Your group was gaining notoriety very quickly, somebody wanted to see you taken down a notch, though I don’t know who. All the orders I got were indirectly made through somebody else.” Saria admitted.

“And I suppose you agreed to it because you wanted an excuse to break into Marshall’s room, is that right?” Church stood over the elf menacingly.

“I-I uhhh…”

“Hold on now, no need to pry for information that we don’t need, partner.”

“I’ll pry where I please, you oaf. I’m still miffed about my stolen underpantaloons.”

“I am too, but let’s focus on the important questions. Now, Prudence…” Marshall shifted his attention to the feathered caterpillar on the floor.

“Y-yes Marshall?”

“Who gave you orders? And what’s their end goal?”

“Uhhh…” Prudence fidgeted a bit in her binds. “Like Saria said, we don’t know who’s behind it, but Natasha was the one that gave us the orders from her… higher ups.”

“Higher ups?” Marshall and Church said simultaneously.

‘Hey, they aren’t paying attention to me anymore, how am I going to get gangbanged at this rate?’ Saria thought to herself, clearing her throat. “Y-yeah, she has a network of girls who all want the same thing; to take you guys down.”

Marshall raised an eyebrow. “Hold on a sec, you mean to tell us that with the relatively small number of dormitories we’ve raided, there’s a network of students who have banded together with the intent of stopping us?”

“Do you hear that, Marshall? We’re fucking famous!” Church said while shaking his friend's shoulders. “This is the best news I’ve heard all semester!”

“I’m not too sure I believe it, though.”

“Why not?” Church folded his arms.

“Fer starters, I think we haven’t hit that many high-profile targets to garner a following bent on our destruction. Also, I think we would have heard about this sooner with how relatively small this campus is.”

Saria began to sweat. “W-well I uhh… I have information on one of the higher ups!”

Church knelt down next to Saria and shook her vigorously. “Well what are you waiting for you retarded hippie?!? Spit it out!!”

“S-she’s a shoggoth, a-and her name starts with an ‘A’ I think…?”

Prudence’s eye twitched, hearing the name of her mortal enemy, but she was too preoccupied with thoughts of being punished by Master to really register what Saria just said.

Church stopped shaking her and sighed. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t have expected too much from an elf.”

“B-but wait! Waiiitt!” She wiggled again. “I-if you guys want to talk to her, m-maybe you could raid her dorm? That would surely draw her out of hiding. H-here, I’ll even help!”

“N-no, I’ll help! I’ll be the most helpful helper that’s ever helped!” Prudence insisted, shaking her head side to side.

“Uhh… Church?” Marshall looked to him for help.

“Absolutely not, how do we know we can trust you?” Church responded, tapping the elf with his cane.

“Of course we can. Elves help Santa Claus. Elves are trustworthy, elves are nice.” Cheslav piped up.

Church stared at Cheslav with waning hope, not wanting to believe that he was this retarded. “You know what? I’m not even going to comment. I’m going to let Marshall decide if we bring her along or not.”

“Errr…”

Saria looked at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Nnnn, sorry, gonna have to agree with Church on this one. We dunno if we can trust you just yet, Maybe you could do something for Church or something, though.”

Saria whimpered, dejected. “W-what do I need to do to prove my devotion to you?”

“You have Marshall’s phone number, don’t you? Get in contact with this ‘Natasha’ woman and be ready to lead her into a trap. Now get out, we have a raid to plan and members to discipline.” Church churched, churchly.

As soon as Saria had been cut free and safely left the portable, Church sat down, scratching his chin over the remains of the table.

“U-um, Master? Did you say, uh, d-discipline?”

“I did. Get us some tea, we need to have a serious discussion.”

“Um, but… yes, Master.”

Awkwardly wiggling in her bonds, Prudence managed to get to her feet, the coils of rope falling around her ankles as soon as she straightened herself out. Church looked over, his face turning a bright red at seeing the kikimora, a loose loop of rope around her wrists all that remained of the multitude of knots and lengths of rope on the floor.

Prudence looked down, then, without missing a beat, scurried toward to the kitchen, holding what remained of the rope onto her wrists as best she could.

“S-stop. Prudence, take that off.”

“Master? But… you worked so hard on it…”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I was just, er, testing you! Y-you’ve passed. Ahaha… I’ll allow you the chance to prove yourself this time…” Church trailed off, laughing awkwardly to cover up his embarrassment.

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34c625 No.225640

Looking over, Marshall was biting his fist in a desperate attempt not to laugh as Cheslav scratched his stubbly beard, looking up at the ceiling. “Eheh… Eeeeh, comrade, you say we do squishy purple ladies next?”

“Er, yes. That’s right, the shoggoths. They’re all underground, so an alternate entrance is out. We’ll have to get them tied up with- BUSY! Er, they need to be busy with something. We need a distraction. And I think…ah, Prudence. Lovely timing. You’ll be keeping the lovely ladies in the shoggoth dorm busy.”

Prudence’s eyes narrowed a bit. “Master. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but those… things aren’t ladies. And in fact, I wouldn’t use lovely to describe them either. They’re just… filth. Master-stealing filth.” She spat, grinding her teeth.

“…Quite. Regardless, I need you to keep them off us while we work.”

“Of course, Master! There’s no one like a kikimora to get real work done. I-I’ll be your table, Master! I can do it too! And I won’t ruin the carpet!” She presented Church his teacup, balanced on her outstretched hands.

“I dunno, she sheds a lot of feathers…” Marshall whispered to Cheslav.

Prudence looked at Marshall with a look of both horror and anger.

“So the shoggoths are going to be distracted by Prudence while we sneak in and make off with their underwear?”

“That’s the general idea, I mean come on, is it really that different from our usual raids?”

“My main question is, how we gonna know which shoggoth is our gal?”

“Hmmm, that remains to be figured out. How are we going to find our shoggoth?”

“Her name starts with an A don’t it? We could probably jus’ find a record with all their names on it.”

“Chap, bring me a copy of the shoggoth dormitory residence list.”

“Will have by tomorrow, tovarisch.”

“Also, get me a large plastic bin, a bottle of chloroform, and some Trojan Fire and Ice condoms.”

Marshall raised an eyebrow. “You ain’t planning another ‘necessary sacrifice,’ are you?”

“Oh no, quite the opposite. Though I’ll only need one of them. You’re free to use the rest, Marshall.”

Marshall shot him a death glare. “You’re lucky Saria wasn’t around when you said that.”

“No, you’re lucky she wasn’t around when I said that.” Church replied smugly.

“Whatever. Let’s prepare to set up a wight trap tomorrow. I think we have a good plan of action.” Marshall stood up and dusted some debris off his jeans.

“Indeed. I’m feeling a bit peckish as well. Would you like to go to the cafe, Marshall?”

Marshall grimaced, the taste of his awful salad still lingering in his mouth. “Actually, I lost my appetite.”

“…Master, can I go with you?”

END OF CHAPTER 7

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34c625 No.225670

File: 961212e76047651⋯.jpg (13.51 KB,122x170,61:85,image.jpg)

>meido madness soon

Loving every post OP

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34c625 No.225706

>>225640

Absolutely brilliant old chap. I say this is some of the best write faggotry I've ever had the pleasure of reading

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34c625 No.225718

>>225706

I say, old boy. Are you such a blackguard that you are incapable of doing our learned peers the courtesy of sageing?

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34c625 No.225900

>>225718

My apologies old chap. In my excitement I forgot my manners and did not sage. I assure you I am no unscrupulous ruffian.

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34c625 No.228341

Just letting you guys know we will release the next chapter soon and we are sorry for tardiness, one of us is dealing with midterms and the other is dealing with a few pressing school projects.

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34c625 No.228979

File: 3988a9c1e545381⋯.png (253.92 KB,895x893,895:893,wYkJ2KM.png)

>>228341

Looking forward to it lads

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34c625 No.233715

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34c625 No.235088

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34c625 No.235125

>>235088

Panty raiders soon fellow anon.

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34c625 No.235193

Chapter 8: Tweed Boy Steps in a Puddle of Trouble

The next day, Natasha stood outside the college theatre, waiting for her companions. The day before, she’d got an offer to go on a double-date from Saria. She was about to turn her down, but apparently that cute gopnik boy was coming along as well. She’d tried to avoid getting too excited, but, well… Here she was, wearing her best cocktail dress, waiting for him. She’d worn the black one with her pearl necklace, hoping he’d wear that black tracksuit he’d worn when they’d first met, the one with the white stripes. She felt like fidgeting from how excited she was, thinking about how cute they’d look together with matching outfits, but she cleared her throat and held her head high.

‘Keep calm, you’re nobility. You’re the best girl he’ll ever meet! Confidence is sexy! And look at this dress! He won’t be able to keep his hands off you!’

“Heeeey, Natasha! We’re over here!”

She peered around, eventually spotting Saria waving at her around the corner of the building. Walking over, she found the elf hanging off that er… big fellow she’d met on the raid… Marshall, was it?

“Ah, how are you two? It was Marshall, wasn’t it?”

“Ah, yeah. It’s goin’ pretty good. I feel a little underdressed with you all dolled up like that, though.” Marshall responded, giving a polite laugh.

“Oh, nonsense. We’re on a date, aren’t we? Soooo… Er, where is my date, anyway?”

“I think he’s waitin’ for you around the corner, actually. Said something about having a private talk with you or something.”

‘NobilityNobilityNobilityNobilityNobilityNobilityNobilityNobilityNobility’ Natasha thought to herself frantically, trying to avoid showing her excitement. She checked her watch, trying to look nonchalant.

‘Do we have time for a quickie before the show? I mean, I don’t want to ruin the mood… I guess we could just come in late…’

“Oh, he does? Well, he’d better be quick about it. The drama club’s finally putting on a good production, so I wouldn’t want any of you to miss part of it and not understand what a work of art it is.”

She strutted confidently into the alley, ready to meet her date. Would he take initiative? Should she press him for it, or should she just tease him into-

“Natasha, am over here, need to talk secretly.”

She caught a glimpse of him, standing in a dark corner. This was it, wasn’t it?! It had to be an invitation at the very least. They could do it right against that brick wall, but they’d need to be quiet so the others didn’t hear them.

“Hmm? And why should I come to you? Why don’t you come out here and take me, big boy?

“Natasha, am over here, need to talk secretly.”

“Well, if you insist, but you’ll be needing to pay me back~”

She sashayed towards him, more and more excited with every step. He’d finally be all hers. She reached the edge of the shadow he was standing in, nearly within arm’s reach. ‘Oh, yes. Let’s see you smash the nobility, bolshevik boy.’

“Natasha, am over here, need to talk secretly.”

“I’m right here, you silly man~”

Suddenly, a loud clang sounded out all around her as everything went pitch-black. She jumped, grabbing onto Cheslav, who was… made out of cardboard?

“Saria. Is she okay? Like… up there?” Marshall asked to the elf, who burst out laughing after having held it in for the last few minutes.

“I don’-pff- I dunno anymore, Marshall.”

“I mean, like, how did she not see a giant box being propped up with a stick? I thought you’d lost it when you said it’d work.”

“And, I mean, did you see her reaction to a tape recording?” Saria kept laughing, burying her face in Marshall’s chest. He awkwardly patted her head, not sure where to put his hands.

“Welp, uh, let’s get going. Hey, Cheslav! Give us a hand puttin’ this thing on your truck, will ya?”

***

“Why am I here?” Natasha spat, handcuffed to one of the chairs in the clubroom.

“Because you are going to be telling us who’s behind this underwear raid you’ve staged, you decomposing dolt.” Church leaned in, eyes narrowed.

“I don’t know a damn thing about what you’re talking about, tweed boy.

“Oh? Should I bring in my co-interrogator? I hear you love to talk to him.”

Church brought out the cardboard cutout of Cheslav that had been the bait for their trap, doing a poor impersonation of his voice. “Er, of helloings, I am Chap, so sexy man of tracksuits.”

Natasha turned a bright red, struggling against the handcuffs in vain.

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34c625 No.235195

File: c4373325eff5321⋯.png (511.03 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Natasha trap….png)

File: a8a9738abb704da⋯.png (546.67 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Natasha inte….png)

“Do not to bother with cuffing devices, are impossible of escapings, dead lady.”

Church shot a dirty look at Marshall, who sniggered at the mention of the handcuffs. “They’re about as good as anythin’ else, so long as y’know how to use ‘em, Church.”

Church turned back to the wight, still fuming, but with embarrassment plastered over his face now.

“RRRGGHHH! Just… stop it! What do you want from me?!”

“Am not sure what to mean! Nice Englishman told to question, but you were not of answer!”

“I-I said stop it! I’m not talking to a- a damn cutout!

“Oh? Are of feelings boxed in dead lady? You sound like tape recorder!

She screamed in frustration, rocking back and forth on the chair.

“Uh, Church? We were tryin’ to ask questions, not-”

Cheslav squatted down in front of the struggling wight, Comrade Cluckers perched on his shoulder.

“Dead lady, Comrade Cluckers says he recognize you from yesterday.”

“Wh-what? I didn’t… U-uh… Maybe just… I-I just wanted to see if you were home! Ahaha…”

“Nice pointy-ear lady say you help to steal underwear. Please tell who help, Comrade Cluckers say he want to remove Natasha if not tell.”

Natasha pushed herself back with her feet, sliding the chair along the floor in an attempt to get away.

“N-No! Don’t! I-I just wanted to-” Marshall caught the back of her chair, stopping her from scooting any further away as Cheslav closed in again, his chicken’s single red eye burning into her soul.

“I’LL TALK! I’LL TALK! AMY PUT ME UP TO IT! I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!”

“See Comrade? Told you Natasha was nice lady. Too pretty to be mean on purpose.”

The chicken made a few clucks, prompting a laugh from Cheslav, then hopped off his shoulder.

“Is good joke, Comrade Cluckers, but do not be of mean to nice lady. Even wear nice dress and clothes to match tracksuit!”

Natasha squirmed. It felt good that he noticed, but with everyone watching, it suddenly felt kind of embarrassing.

“Amy?” Prudence walked over, her eyes empty, but her clenched fists shaking. “Do you perhaps mean Amy Zoghogo?

“Y-yeah? You know her?”

Prudence gave an insincere-sounding laugh.

“Know her? Know her? Oh, I know her, alright. Slimy-ass fucking cunty fucking squishy bitch master-stealing whore goddamn frying-pan table clothes fucking cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt-”

Prudence began dashing around the room, picking up any cleaning implements she could find, working in a blind rage. She ran back up to Natasha, clutching a broom and looking dishevelled.

“A SHOGGOTH?! I WAS WORKING FOR A FUCKING SHOGGOTH AND YOU DIDN’T FUCKING TELL ME?! WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT FUCKING BITCH IS DOING TO MY FUCKING MASTER’S UNDERWEAR RIGHT FUCKING NOW?!?! HE’S MY MASTER AND THEY BELONG TO ME! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFU-”

Prudence began flailing around wildly, swinging the broom furiously. Natasha leaned back in her chair, the broom getting closer and closer to her face with every swing until-

“AAH!”

She caught the broom inches from her face, her hand glowing with blue energy. Half a pair of handcuffs hung loosely from her wrist.

“W-what?”

Marshall and Saria began to laugh uncontrollably.

“Di- oh lord- Did ya really not think to use magic on those things?”

“Y-you said they were impossible to break!”

Church grinned smugly at his compatriots. “And what did I tell you? If she’ll fall for a cardboard cutout, she’ll fall for anything.

“I mean, sorry, ‘Tasha, but come on! You didn’t even try to get out!” Saria giggled, leaning against Marshall for support.

Natasha put her head down, her whole body shaking. How could they do this to her? Kidnapping, betrayal, lying to her, harassing her and making a fool of her? She was a noble!

“Eeeh, is dead lady okay?”

Natasha stood up, her fists clenched, and dashed out of the room, sobbing.

Church was about to laugh, but was bowled over by the still-furious kikimora who was running back and forth in indignation.

“MASTER! WE’RE GOING TO MAKE THEM PAY! I’LL DO IT! LET ME DO IT! I’LL… I’LL SHOVE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM INTO A TUPPERWARE CONTAINER FULL OF ROTTING FISH UNTIL THEY CAN LEARN HOW TO STOP BEING DUMB PURPLE WHORES!”

“Prudence, I think we should all really calm do-”

Church was cut off when the kikimora jumped through the window, throwing her arms behind her back so she could run faster.

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34c625 No.235198

“Prudence, wait! We need to plan this out, not just go in brooms blazing!” Church called out, trailing far behind the rest of the group chasing after her.

“THOSE MASTER STEALING JELLO-SLUTS! I WILL NEVER TAKE ORDERS FROM THEM AGAIN! NEVER NEVER NEVERNEVERNEVER!!!” Prudence zoomed ahead while everyone else tried desperately to catch up to her. Even Cheslav, who was usually the fastest of the group, couldn’t keep up.

“It’s… no use, we ain’t… never gonna catch… her at this rate…” Marshall said between frantic breaths, falling behind the rest of them. He carried the plastic bin in his arms, which didn’t help him keep up either.

“Push through, Marshall, we’ve got to either stop her before she reaches the dorm, or take advantage of the ruckus she’s going to cause.”

Marshall groaned, not wanting to be passed by the gimp, and kept trudging on.

Of course, Prudence managed to reach the shoggoth dorm before the rest of them did, grabbing the hatch that led to the underground dorm and ripping it off its hinge with her bare hands before hopping in.

“RRRRAAAAAAAHHH! YOUR TIME HAS COME, SHOGGOTHS!” She screamed, causing the subterranean residents to look up from whatever menial task they were doing.

“Uhhhh, can we help you?” One of the shoggoths asked.

“I CAME TO DO REAL MAID WORK FOR MY MASTER, AND THE FIRST THING TO DO IS GET RID OF THESE FAKE MAIDS IN FRONT OF ME!”

Another shoggoth tilted her head. “You’re crazy, we’re just cleaning up the messes you kikimoras are unable to, you know, like dandruff and fine dust particles.” She grinned.

What… did you…just say?” Prudence reached inside her pocket for something. Suddenly, the shoggoths looked a lot more concerned.

“Boy she bout to do it!” One of them shouted while running deeper into the dorm.

“Pocket saaand!” Prudence shouted while tossing sand as far as she could.

“Hey what the heck?” One of the shoggoths ducked to avoid the incoming sand. “We just got done cleaning the dorm an hour ago! H-hey!” She jumped back to avoid being swatted by Prudence’s broom of JUSTICE.

“D-don’t you dare give me your excuses, you impostors!” Prudence shouted, continuing to swat at the shoggoths while they dodged out of the way. She finally landed a hit on one square in the chest, but her gelatinous body closed around the broom, trapping it.

Prudence tried to tug it out, but it was clear the broom wasn’t going anywhere. Still, she didn’t fret. Rather, she grinned as she reached under her skirt and pulled out another broom.

“Where… were you keeping that?” The shoggoth asked with a mixture of confusion and horror. Prudence ignored her, swatting her with the new broom faster than she could prepare to capture it.

Meanwhile, Church and the rest of the gang crept quietly down the shoggoth dorm, listening to the racket Prudence was causing. Truly, she was the perfect one for the job. At the base of the stairs was a long, tiled hallway lined with doors all the way down the concrete walls. The first door led to the main room where most of the shoggoths spent their spare time, while the other doors were either bedrooms or closets solely dedicated to cleaning supplies. After all, one of the shoggoths’ favorite pastimes was cleaning their dorm.

“We have to stay quiet, who knows where the rest of them are? I wish there was some way we could reliably find Amy…” Marshall whispered, following Church down the hall.

“Marshall, I don’t think you’re going to like this, but I think we should split u-”

“No way, josé. Last time we did that we-”

“Now, hear me out, hear me out. We can focus on more than one thing here, Chap and I will take care of Prudence, while you go search for this ‘Amy’ character. If we find her, we will call you. You can also steal some panties while you’re at it.”

Marshall rolled his eyes. “I guess, but if I need help, you guys better come for me.”

“Oh don’t worry, we wouldn’t dare abandon our dear friend.

Marshall grumbled, grabbing the plastic bin and creeping down the hallway, systematically checking the bedrooms while Cheslav and Church watched Prudence from outside the room she was in, making sure she wasn’t doing anything too insane.

After the first bedroom turned out to be locked, Marshall moved on to the next room. Before he reached it, however, he heard the pitter-patter of light footsteps behind him. He suspected one of the shoggoths might follow him, but this soon?

He spun around, raising his fists to turn and face… Saria?

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34c625 No.235200

“Saria, the hell are you doing here?” Marshall whispered. “I almost punched you in the face!”

“I-I-I was just… I’ve got nowhere else to go since you canceled our lunch date, so I figured I’d follow you!” She fiddled with her hair. “O-of course, I wouldn’t mind if you punched me, since it’s you…”

Marshall ignored that final comment. “It’s dangerous here! I’m workin’ and don’t need you here jeopardizin’ me or yerself.”

“Pleeeasssee? Let me tag along, I promise not to be too much trouble!” She begged, hanging off of Marshall’s back.

Marshall ran his hand down his face. “You know what? I doubt telling you to go away is going to work, so fine. You can tag along. Just know that this technically counts as the date I owe you.”

“A-actually you owe me two, since you know… the whole closet thing.”

“R-right.” Marshall peered into the next room, which was empty. He took this opportunity to grab some panties for the wall of triumph.

“S-so, this is what you did when you were in my dorm?” Saria asked, wrapping her legs around Marshall’s midsection in order to hold onto him tighter.

“Yeah basically.” Marshall crept out of the room and took another look down the hallway, relieved to find it was empty. “We go around stealin’ panties and putting them on our Wall of Triumph.”

“Wall of Triumph?”

“Ya may have seen it when we had you at our base, it’s the wall where all the panties from our exploits are kept.”

“Ooooh! Yeah I might’ve seen something like that, but I was more focused on you~”

“I reckon half the time you weren’t even able to see it since we blindfolded you and all.”

“Hey, you two!” A voice called suddenly from behind them.

“Oh shit!” Marshall whispered. “D-don’t say anything, I’ll do all the talkin’.”

“You two, what were you doing in my bedroom!?” A shoggoth said sternly.

“Uh…” Marshall had to think fast, it wouldn’t be long before she freaked out and called campus security. “W-we’re here with the trash collectors, here to get yer recycling, ma’am.” He chuckled nervously.

The shoggoth looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “We take care of our own trash, you know.”

“Oh! U-uh right, just kidding, haha.” Marshall furiously wracked his brain for another excuse. Maybe… just maybe he could pull this off. “H-have you heard of Amy by any chance? Eheheh…”

Her face softened. “Oh, you know Amy?” She leaned in, looking to either side of her. “Are you… Marshall by chance?”

“The one and only.”

“Oh, she talks about you from time to time, Marshall! Come with me, I’ll take you riiiiight to her.” She winked at him, then beckoned him to follow.

Marshall pushed the container down the hallway, Saria awkwardly hanging off his back as they got closer to Amy’s room.

“So, got anything… special planned for tonight?” She asked, causing Marshall to flush.

“Errr, well, whatever do you mean?”

“Oh, you know what I mean.” She winked.

“Oh! Y-yeah, you know how it is with Amy, haha.” Marshall laughed uncomfortably, causing Saria to hold onto Marshall more tightly.

“Mmm yeah, I bet she has something… special planned for you. I hope you’re a fan of strap-ons.”

Marshall broke out into a cold sweat, he most certainly was not, but he had to find a way to get to her. “I-is that so? Ha, I do like them strap-ons.”

‘D-does he really?’ Saria thought to herself. She hopped off his back to write something down in a notebook she kept in her back pocket.

“Hey, what’re you doin’? S-stop that!” He whispered.

“Kinky…” The shoggoth turned around, walking backwards so she could face him. “I have… an odd question for you.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you think there’s room for a fourth?” She twiddled her fingers. “I can imagine she’s gonna be the strapon and that little elf on your back is going to wield her. Maybe… I can be the ball gag?”

“HOooooOOokay, I’m gonna have to politely decline your offer there. B-besides, four’s company is a little crowded don’tcha think?”

The shoggoth looked down, dejected. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Oh, speaking of right, her room is right here. Don’t let me get in your way, now~” She gave a short bow and headed off.

“Alright, so far you’re doin’ good, once again, lemme do all the talkin’ and go along with anything I say, capiche?”

Saria nodded, her cheeks burning red. In her mind, they were about to go in and have a threesome with that shoggoth. That’s what they were talking about, right? A-and peg him with a strap on? She didn’t know if she was ready for something like that. Oh lord…

Marshall knocked on the door, within seconds a short shoggoth with a traditional maid outfit and glowing yellow eyes answered it. “Oh, i-is that you, Marshall? What are… you doing here?” The shoggoth blushed a dark purple.

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34c625 No.235201

File: d66904d10674938⋯.png (622.08 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Insert Shogg….png)

File: 36ee8167260dae3⋯.png (565.81 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Kikimora Sle….png)

“Hey there, Amy. Got a favor to ask of ya.”

“O-of course, do come in.”

Marshall obliged, lugging in the plastic tub along with Saria clinging onto his back possessively.

“Uh, what’s the plastic tub for?”

“I’ll get to that in a minute.”

Saria grabbed the edge of her shirt, fidgeting uncomfortably. When was she supposed to start undressing? Weren’t they about to have a threesome or something? She cautiously lifted her shirt over her head, not wanting to be the awkward one that waited for everyone else to make a move.

“I have to say, I’m surprised you came to visit little ol’- what is your friend doing?”

“Oh Saria? She’s just- …Saria?” Marshall stared in disbelief at the topless elf. “What the hell are you doing!”

“A-aah! I was just… aren’t we having a threesome?”

“We are?” The shoggoth raised her eyebrows.

“No, we are most certainly not having a threesome.”

Saria’s face was a mixture of both relief, and disappointment.

“A-anyway…” Marshall continued. “I wanted to ask you… if you uh… could clean out this plastic bin fer me? I would do it myself, but I need it completely sterile and dust free an’ I don’t trust that there kikimora that Church keeps around.”

Amy’s face brightened. “Oh? Such a simple, easy task for me! You know, you didn’t have to take the time to make your way down here, I would have come to you if you just asked~”

“Err, maybe I thought you’d appreciate this more?”

“You’re such a sweetheart.”

Saria scowled, grabbing onto Marshall protectively and growling.

Amy ignored her, starting to clean the inside of the plastic bin by letting her tentacle swirl around the interior.

Marshall sighed, that wasn’t going to work for him. “Uh, c-could I ask you to maybe… shove your entire body inside? I need it cleaned right quick for uh… something.”

Amy tilted her head, then shrugged before dropping her entire gelatinous body inside the container. “Like this?” She smirked, her face floating to the top. “Kikimoras would never be able to get something this cl-”

Marshall cut her off by slamming the lids to the plastic bin shut.

“H-hey! What gives!” She bashed at the sealed lid, but Marshall held it shut tight.

“Sorry, actually lied. We need to have a talk.”

Suddenly, Amy’s expression went from surprise to realization. “Oh no, i-if it’s about your boxers I swear I never laid a hand on them! I was just a messenger! I’m innocent, I swear!”

“Can’t exactly take your word on anythin’ just yet, Amy.” Marshall shook his head, then started to roll Amy out, Saria opted to walk beside him this time, not wanting to burden his back anymore.

Meanwhile, back where Prudence and the others were…

“Have some more POCKET SAND!” The Kikimora threw some more sand on the ground in front of her, which the shoggoth quickly swept up.

“Will you just… I mean the nerve!

“Everyone remain calm! I am here to remove the kikimora from the premises!” Church called out, grabbing the attention of all the other shoggoths.

“I-is she your mate or something?” One of them asked.

“Oh no, GOD no. No, no… NO!

The shoggoths looked at each other, mildly confused. “Errr, okay then. Sorry if it’s a bit of a touchy subject. Could you get her out of our dorm, please? She’s made such a mess.”

“Of course. Prudence! Come along now, we must be on our way.”

Prudence didn’t respond, too far down the warpath to listen to even her master.

“Oh dear, it looks like she’s too far gone. Chap, hand me the kikimora sleepytime juice!”

“Is chloroform, be careful this time comrade, do not want what happened last time happening again.”

“Pish posh, I won’t make the same mistake thrice.”

Four times.” Cheslav corrected.

“Whatever. God, I wish there were an easier way to do this…” Church took the bottle of chloroform and applied the smallest dose he could manage on his jacket. “Oh Prudence, would you be so kind as to smell my jacket for me? I think I spilled mustard right here but I can’t be sure”

Immediately, Prudence zoomed towards Church and grabbed his jacket aggressively, inhaling the exact spot the chloroform was on.

“OfcourseMasteryouknowIwoulddoANYTHINGforyouMasteritsmellswonderfullikelavenderMasterIfeelfunnyMas-” Her words trailed off until she started snoring, sliding off Church’s jacket and onto the floor.

“What? That can’t be right.” Church leaned his head down to lightly sniff his jacket. “My jackets smell like rosehi-” He slid onto the ground, laying on top of Prudence.

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34c625 No.235202

Cheslav clenched his fists, then threw his hat on the floor.

“Yebat’sya srat’sya! I tell him! Every time I say ‘Church, be careful!’ And what does he do? ALWAYS! ‘Oh, Cheslav, am always bloody careful, of pippings and cheerios!’ What the blyat does this even mean?! IS CEREAL, STUPID! Even Cheslav knows this and does not even speak language!”

Walking up to the wall, Cheslav began to hit his head against it. “Is fourth time, blyat! Drooling on floor like idiot, and Prudence not even awake to lick up this time! And who carries idiot friends out of dorm raid? Is Cheslav, always! Marshall is always of sexing instead of sneaking, and Church could not open vodka bottle without help! ‘OOOOH, HAVE GREAAAAT PLAN THIS TIME COMRADES, MARSHALL HAVE SEX WITH TWO GIRL, AND CHAP BRING CHLOROFORM FOR INSANE FEATHER LADY!’ Eto pizdyets! Is everyone pizda s ushami?! Mne do lampochki! Cheslav never gives fuck, make him do all work! Oi, blyat, babushka, where did go wrong?”

The shoggoths were quiet, listening to his rant until about twenty seconds after it ended. “Uh… would you like some help bringing them out?” One of them offered.

Cheslav spared a glance in their direction, then sighed. “Please, take Church. Do not smell jacket, listen to Cheslav. Church never listen.”

“You know, our anatomy is dramatically different from yours, we aren’t affected by most chemicals.”

“Whatever, squishy jello ladies know what Cheslav means.”

***

Outside the dorm, Cheslav bid the shoggoth that helped him farewell, insisting that he could ‘be takings it from here.’ She bowed before heading back down to the underground dorm to help her sisters clean up all the sand. Cheslav regrouped with Marshall, who waiting just behind some bushes with both the captured shoggoth and Saria.

“Holy heck, what happened in there, Cheslav? Are they alright?”

“Crazy feather duster and mister chloroform are both fine, need smelling salts again.”

“Hoo boy, did he smell his own jacket again?”

“FOURTH TIME, COMRADE! FOURTH. TIME.

“Pff, fuckin’ idjit thinks he knows how to use chloroform from watching one or two episodes of Miami CSI.

“Can you carry Church on plastic bin? Cheslav will carry Prudence.”

“Leave it to me, partner.”

With Church sprawled out on top of the plastic bin and Prudence slung over Cheslav’s shoulder, they all headed back to base.

***

“So, any chance you’re going to explain to me why you brought me here?” Amy asked, her voice muffled by the container but still audible. At first she was in shock at actually being kidnapped, but now she was just irritated.

“I’d love to, but first we gotta wake up the lovebirds from their unexpected slumber.”

“Wakey wakings, eggs and bakings…” Cheslav chanted, wafting a tiny jar of crystals under the unconscious duo.

Church and Prudence both inhaled sharply, then started to cough and sputter from the strong scent of the smelling salts.

“Oh god, what the fuck Chap! Wh-why would you do that? What’s going on here?”

“U tebya cho ruki iz zhopi rastut? You smell chloroform shirt again, Church.”

“I did? I don’t think I’d be that stupid.”

Cheslav clenched the jar of smelling salts tighter. “Evidence is pretty overwhelming, comrade.

“Oh. Well… Do we have the shoggoth we’re looking for?”

“Da, go see comrade Marshall.”

“What the heck was that!?” Prudence rubbed her head, her coughing fit finally ending. She looked around and saw she was back at the base, Church and Marshall were gathered around a plastic bin filled with purple slime and Saria was admiring the Wall of Triumph. But… Where was Cheslav?

“Prudence.”

She squeaked. “Ah!? Oh h-hey Cheslav…”

“Cheslav could really use some vodka and lemon.”

She snapped to attention, bowing before hurrying into the kitchen. “R-right away!”

Meanwhile, Church approached the sealed container, bending down and tapping the top of it with his cane. “Feeling a bit crowded in there?”

“Yeah, I’d really appreciate it if you let me out.”

Church snorted. “So you are uncomfortable, good. Maybe that’ll mean you will give us the answers we need quicker.”

“What answers?? I already told Marshall that I was only a messenger! Ask Narjala! I had n-nothing to do with…” She starts to trail off, as if she realized she said too much.

“Oh?” Church leaned in even closer, his face right up against the container and staring into her yellow orbs. “Who’s Narjala?”

“I-I shouldn’t, I can’t tell you.”

“I, for one, think you should if you want to leave anytime soon.”

“Come on, Amy. I don’t wanna keep ya here any more than ya wanna be here.” Marshall added.

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34c625 No.235204

“But… She’s my friend, I don’t want to rat her out.”

“You see, while I sympathize with that reasoning, I can’t let you leave until you tell me what I want to know. So your choices are to either cooperate or prepare for some more… persuasive methods.”

Amy gulped. “P-persuasive? Like what?”

“Marshall, go get a bottle of pop from the fridge.”

“You mean soda?” Marshall corrected.

“Pop.”

“Soda.”

“Just get the damn bottle!”

“Fine, be wrong for all I care.”

Marshall left for the kitchen, then came back with a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi, just so they weren’t wasting any good soda.

“What are you doing with that… soda?” Amy asked nervously.

“Aha! See, she calls it soda too!”

“Shut up, you inbred moron. As for you, Amy, have you ever been… stuffed somewhere so horrible that you would do anything to get out? Not only is it slippery and slimy, but you feel every part of your body wracked in both searing heat and biting cold?” Church smirked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a fire and ice condom.

Amy gasped. “You wouldn’t!

“Oh, you don’t know me well enough to assume that. Show her what’ll happen to her if she doesn’t give me some answers, Marshall.”

Amy looked at Marshall with pleading eyes, all Marshall did was shake his head. “Sorry, we really need to know this.” He was about to pour the soda inside when Amy spoke up.

“W-wait! I think I have a compromise!”

“Oh? You think you’re in a position to negotiate?” Church asked curiously, leaning on his cane.

“I-if you promise to frame someone else for telling you, I won’t tell campus security about you guys kidnapping me.”

Church paused, he forgot that kidnapping was against the rules. “Well. You drive a hard bargain, but who would we even frame?” He stood there, pondering for a minute. “I’ve got it! We blame Prudence!”

“Wait, what!?” Prudence snapped her head in Church’s direction.

“We ain’t doin’ that, why don’t we just claim we eavesdropped or somethin.”

“Cheslav suggests we blame the alps.”

“What is it with you and alps you bloody twink? I like Marshall’s idea better, make them think we have a secret network of spies or something.”

“That sound acceptable to ya?” Marshall turned towards Amy.

“S-sure, that’s fine.” Amy looked down.

“Hey now, why the long face?” Marshall asked.

“It’s just… I really hoped that… nevermind. I’ll just tell you all what you want so I can get out of here.”

Church and Marshall leaned towards her expectantly.

“Narjala is a jinko, just under seven feet tall and a solid wall of muscle. She’s in direct contact with whoever is behind your guys’s underwear disappearing, if anyone has them it’s her.”

Marshall sighed, then stood up, stretching his arms. “Whelp, looks like we ain’t gettin’ our underwear back nohow. Might as well accept the loss and buy some new pairs.”

Church looked over at him in disbelief. “Buck up, lad! I’m not having my strongest asset chicken out because of some tigress savages. We strike the jinkos in two days at seven, no excuses!”

“Chuuuurrrchhh…” Marshall whined. “But they’re stronger than the hinezumiiii, they beat them every tiiiime.”

“Marshall.” Church got in his face, tapping his chest with his cane. “If you’re not by my side along with Chap in two days at precisely seven in the evening, I’m going to make sure everyone knows you have women’s underwear in your drawer.”

“And how’re you gonna prove that?”

“Oh, I don’t need to. Do you really think students will pass up something as good as that? They’ll believe it because it’s funny and they want to believe. On top of that, I know it’s true, and so do you.”

Marshall gritted his teeth. “You’re a real asshole, you know that, Church?”

“And you’re a stupid lout, but I forgive you for that.”

“Hey guys, can I go now?” Amy whimpered from inside the plastic container.

“Oh yes, let her out Marshall.” He tapped the box with his cane.

Marshall sighed and picked up the crate, lugging it outside and pouring her semi-gelatinous body onto the ground. “Now Amy, remember our-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll hold up my end of the bargain, but Marshall…”

“Hm?”

“Did you… get my hopes up on purpose?”

“Yer hopes up? Ya mean you really wanted to clean that plastic thingy?”

“No, I-” She sighed. “Look, you’re a very sweet guy Marshall, but you’re denser than anti-matter sometimes, you know? I don’t know why I wasted my time. Have a good life.” She bowed, then headed off into the sunset, which also happened to be the direction of her dorm.

“I’m… dense?” Marshall held his hand up to his chin, trying to deduce what she meant by that.

“Hey, Marshall?” Another voice came from behind him.

“What is it now?”

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34c625 No.235205

“I don’t think you’re dense…” Saria wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind. “Or at least, if you’re dense that’s not something I don’t like about you.” She nuzzled into the back of his neck.

“Uh, thanks Saria, I really ‘preciate that. Yer a good friend.”

Saria whined uncomfortably at being called the f-word. “D-do you think we could grab dinner together? I’d like to cash in our other date.”

Marshall thought about it for a minute, then shrugged. “Sure, why not? Where do ya wanna go?”

“I dunno yet, buuut… I’ll text you when I think of a place.”

“Kay, I’ll seeya sometime tonight I guess.”

“Byebye, go home safe~” She closed her eyes and leaned in forward to kiss his cheek, but she leaned too far forward and fell on her hands and knees. “Aaagh!” She caught herself just in time, then looked up to see Marshall had already started walking home.

‘Dammit. It would be too awkward to ask for a goodbye kiss now. M-maybe when our date is done?’ She mused to herself.

Back in the base, Church had just finished hanging up the shoggoth panties that Marshall managed to snatch, and now he and Cheslav were drinking; Church had lemonade, while Cheslav had a mug of kvass.

“So, for the jinko raid, we’re going to need to get Marshall outfitted for battle. Get him a suit of knight armor, and some knives.”

“But comrade, knives on campus are illegal.”

“Well you have those guns on your wall, aren’t those illegal?”

“Guns just for decoration, not of shootings.”

“Oh whatever. So what’s Marshall to do then?”

“Fist covered in metal usually effective weapon.”

“Hmmm, good point. That’s probably enough to handle some overgrown cats. I need you to distract them too, the goal is to get all of them distracted while I steal the panties. Think you can handle that?”

“Da comrade, Cheslav knows what to do.”

“I knew you would. Now, let’s form a study group so I can copy off your notes for tomorrow’s test.”

“Cheslav… has something to do first.”

***

It did not take Cheslav long to find Natasha moping in the school courtyard, she sat on the fountain, staring at her reflection. Cheslav took a deep breath, this wasn’t something he was used to doing, and under normal circumstances he wouldn’t bother with things like this, but something about her… the way those tears welled up in her eyes before she ran out of the base, made him want to make things right. Once in front of her, he tapped her shoulder. She stopped staring into the fountain to look up at him, and squinted her eyes.

“You’re not cardboard, are you?”

“Da.” Cheslav answered.

“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Am cardboard, touch arm.”

The wight looked around, a few passers-by still walking around the courtyard she sat in were watching. She felt a little silly, but steeled herself. No backing down now, she wouldn’t be made a fool twice in one day.She reached out, touching his arm hesitantly. They both stood motionless for a minute before Cheslav piped up.

“Was joke. ”

It was stupid. Of course it was. Who would find that funny? But somehow, it seemed charming, coming from him, and in spite of herself, Natasha giggled a little.

“Oh, stop it…”

He sat down next to her, awkwardly snapping his head away when she looked at him and pretending to be transfixed by the fountain in the middle of the square.

“Eeeeh… Dead la- Natasha. Was meanings Natasha. Am sorry comrades were not kind before.”

“W-well then, why didn’t you stop them?”

The man twiddled his thumbs nervously, taking a deep breath and hesitating.

“Was… Eeh… Needed Natasha to tell who was other ladies, but… Cheslav is bad at talking, so was not sure what to do…”

“Well, you got it out of me anyway! Well, and that… that chicken.

“Comrade Cluckers just…” Cheslav sighed again, looking down. “Am sorry, did not want to hurt Natasha.”

There was… something about the sad-looking man in front of Natasha. The way he looked so nervous, like she was going to punish him, and the way he seemed so… genuine. She stood up, looking down on the poor bolshevik man, who looked up at her with those remorseful blue eyes. Straightening herself out, she gave him a her most magnanimous, smile and held out her hand.

“Well, if you’re bad at talking, we should really do something about that, shouldn’t we?”

Cheslav looked confused for a moment, his thumbs stopping for the first time since their conversation had begun.

“Why don’t we interrogate each other over dinner?”

“N-Natasha is not mad?”

“Well, I suppose that depends on where you take me. I am, nobility, after all.” She grinned, flipping her hair over her shoulder. ‘Maybe wearing this dress wasn’t a waste.’

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34c625 No.235206

END OF CHAPTER 8

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34c625 No.235213

>>235206

Glad to have you back gentlemen. That was thoroughly enjoyable.

also how the fuck did you get so good at swearing in gopnik?

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34c625 No.235394

>>235206

Why do shoggoths have panties and how do they use them?

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34c625 No.235421

>>235206

THEY'RE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!

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34c625 No.235496

>>235394

What if they've just brought a miniature Shoggoth home and pinned her on the wall?

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34c625 No.235521

File: cd1d45cb54c32bd⋯.jpg (335.94 KB,996x1386,166:231,bomb.jpg)

>>235496

>panty is shoggoth

>wall is shoggoth

>dormitory is shoggoth

>even Amy is shoggoth

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34c625 No.235859

>>217000

>Ah! Comrade Cluckers!

hahaha, holy shit.

>>235205

I just binge-read the whole thing. That was fucking amazing.

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34c625 No.238249

>Last updated 11/26/16

>Currently 12/10/16

UPDATES WHEN?

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34c625 No.238319

bump to delay thread death.

has anybody archived this yet?

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34c625 No.240362

I pray that OP still lives!

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34c625 No.240371

File: 1bc1e7648942568⋯.jpg (98.3 KB,697x768,697:768,image.jpg)

Stop bumping the thread,

It only needs to be bumped if it's on /monster/'s last couple of pages not its last 10

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34c625 No.240372

>>238319

>>240362

>2 newfags have bumped in the last week

Guys, calm the fuck down. Jexx dies for extended periods of time before being resurrected by cuck magic so he can do things like shitpost and not update Dragon Bully. It's not the end of the world.

Also, the thread currently at the bottom of the catalog was last bumped in the beginning of October. This thread is nowhere near death.

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34c625 No.247611

File: d544d9423a982d8⋯.png (751.67 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Natasha date.png)

Chapter 9: Nobility!

With some very careful maneuvering, Cheslav managed to back his truck into the small, downtown parking lot. He hadn’t been sure where to take Natasha, and had ended up driving in circles for a few minutes, wondering where to go, when Natasha had prodded him in the right direction.

“Do you want to try that French restaurant downtown? I heard it was pretty good.”

“Ah, comrade Church goes to every week, must be fancy for noble lady.”

Natasha giggled, blushing furiously at being called noble.

Cheslav’s milsurp truck looked a bit out-of-place in front of the small, romantic-looking restaurant, but Natasha had seemed happy when they finally arrived. He hopped out of his side, dashing around the front of his truck to help the wight down.

“Um… can we wait a minute? I’m looking for- Saria!” Natasha ran over to the elf, smothering her in a hug.

“Natasha!” Saria said, standing next to a confused-looking Marshall.

“I’m glad you could make it! Let’s go inside, shall we?” The wight said, wrapping herself around Cheslav’s arm.

***

The two men sat across from their dates, fidgeting awkwardly as the girls chatted between themselves. Fed up with the silence, Marshall cleared his throat.

“So, uh… Did you plan this ahead of time, or…?”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Marshall,” Saria said, rubbing her feet on his legs, “How could we?”

The women turned to each other and giggled.

“Is it too much to ask for dinner and a nice night out with the men who kidnapped us?” Natasha asked, grinning.

“That wasn’… fine, whatever.” Marshall threw his hands up, relenting.

“You know, I don’t mind being kidnapped, Marshall… I’ll pay for my dinner if you do it again…” Saria said, trying desperately not to drool.

Marshall narrowed his his eyes, frowning at the elf. “Oh, no, I insist. I’ll get you dinner if you never say that again.”

“Aw, come on, I have to pay you back somehow…

“So, Natasha, y’know anything good here?” he asked, desperately trying to ignore the elf.

“Hmm… I’ve heard their kari kepala ikan is good…”

“Is it, uh… healthy?

“What? I guess, yeah. It’s got fish and vegetables. I’m in more of a caviar mood, though…”

Cheslav suddenly woke up from his awkward-induced coma. “Natasha also likes caviar?”

“But of course, it’s a noble tradition.” She said, holding up her chin proudly.

“Oh, blin, has been so long! Does noble lady want to have with Cheslav?”

Natasha blushed. Was he more sophisticated than he looked? She couldn’t believe her luck! He was already cute, but he could really enjoy the finer things in life. She imagined her friends laughing, but then being astonished that this little man knew more about elegance than they did! ‘Heh, I’ll show them what a real noble couple looks like.’

“Oh, of course, I’d love to!” She said, trying to hide her excitement.

As the two began talking more about their shared interest, Saria looked across the table at her date, who didn’t even seem to be paying attention to her. He’d long since stopped paying attention to her trying to play footsie with him, and given that she was already halfway laying down to even reach his shins, there was no way she was going to reach his thighs and get his attention back.

‘Dammit, I need to- wait!’ Marshall glanced over at her for a moment and gave her a little smile before looking back away. ‘Oh, this will wake him up.‘

Picking up her utensils, she casually tossed them under the table, towards Marshall.

“Oooooh, dear, I seem to have dropped my fork~”

“Oh, is it over by me? I can grab it for ya, Saria.”

“Oh, no, that’s alright, I can pull it out- er, grab it- er… eheh… I’ll get it myself, cowboy.

“Uhh… ‘kay?”

‘Oh, I’ll be the one taking care of y- OW!’ In trying to get under the table headfirst, she’d hit her head on the edge.

‘Okay, okay. Maybe not the most graceful beginning, but it won’t even matter when I get to see his face when I just pull out his dick and he has to cover- OW!’ In the middle of trying to wipe a string of drool off her mouth, she’d forgotten to keep her head low and banged it again.

‘Dammit, this table’s too low!’ She rubbed her head, then sat back up, more careful this time.

“Hey, Saria? You okay down there?” Marshall asked, concerned with the banging coming from under the table.

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34c625 No.247616

“Yeah!” The elf couldn’t help but perk up at hearing his voice, hitting her head a fourth time. “Aaah… C-could you spread your legs, though? It’s kind of low under here…”

Above the table, the waiter had arrived, taking Cheslav’s and Natasha’s orders for caviar, the man insisting it be made ‘like last time was here.’

“But of course, monseigneur. And what will you ‘ave, sir?” The waiter’s fake French accent was starting to grate on Marshall’s nerves, but taking a deep breath, he- What the hell?

Saria, finally getting over to his side, seemed to have completely forgotten about the fork and was laying her face on his thigh, looking up at him with a lecherous grin.

Fuckin’… Sorry, lemme have the, uh… kal… wait, was it… Carrie… Kepler? …This. I’ll have this.” Marshall said, giving up and pointing at the name on the menu.

“A fine choice, monseigneur.”

Beneath the table, Saria was struggling to catch Marshall’s fly with her teeth as he desperately tried to push her head away.

“And you, madame?” the waiter asked, squatting down to see under the table, notebook still in hand.

“AAAH! WAIT, THIS ISN’T…!”

“Would you like a moment to make your selection?”

“N-no! I mean… uh… g-give me some of what Marshall’s having?!”

“As you wish, madame. Now ‘zen, would anyone like to order any drinks?”

“Does restaurant havings vodka?”

“Of course, sir, only ‘ze finest Grey Goose for your tastes.”

Cheslav shuddered, hearing the brand's name. Vodka is Russian, how dare those frenchies try to imitate the sacred lifeblood of the Mother Country?

The wight raised her eyebrows. “You have vodka with caviar? I usually get wine…”

“Of course, Natasha, is way always have done, like Tsar when alive.”

O-oh! The Tsar himself? She couldn’t pass this up! Not only a King, but a foreign one, at that! Natasha fantasized about having Cheslav dress up like that handsome Nicholas II, then taking her into one of those big, four-poster beds and- She came to her senses when the waiter cleared his throat.

“Yes! Er… would you make it a bottle, please? I’d like to try some, as well.”

“And you, sir?”

“Uh, d’you have any vegetable smoothies or somethin’?”

“Right away, sir. I assume madame will be ‘aving ‘er drink from ‘ze tap?

Both Saria and Marshall blushed furiously, suddenly acutely aware of everyone looking at them. “W-water, please…” Saria squeaked from under the table, sheepishly climbing back into her seat.

A quiet moment passed between them as she stared at him awkwardly, wondering what to say.

“S-so, uh…” She said, stuttering nervously. “H-how about that lady who asked to be your ball gag…? Haha…”

Marshall shuddered. “Good lord, I was scared for a sec there. I mean, jesus.

“Ooooh~? Can’t stand being on the other end of the gag?”

“What? No. I mean… yeah? …I don’t like that kinky stuff, alright?”

“Are you sure, cowboy? You seemed to be awfully good at it for someone who doesn’t like it.”

“Look, when you grow up on a ranch, you… learn things. It don’t mean nothing, okay?”

“Aw, why are you getting so defensive? I don’t mind if you just treat me like your dirty sow who needs some hogtying~”

“N-no, stop that. I ain’t doin’ any of that.”

“Oh, fine. But I just wanted to compliment your technique… you were so gentle.”

“Well, I mean… thanks? I was trying to make sure I wasn’t hurting you or anything, I was trying to use something soft…”

“J-just for me?” Saria said, drooling from every orifice in her body.

“I mean, all I usually have is a pretty stiff jute, since I can get a lot of mileage out of it, but it’s pretty coarse, so I started looking around for something else…”

“You didn’t wanna just use scarves or something?”

“‘Course not, what good are those? You’d slip right out. Anyway, I guess Prudence had some random bits stashed away, so I managed to find some cotton that was pretty soft. How was it, by the way?”

“O-oh… It felt really nice, e-especially with you doing it…”

Marshall nodded before he continued, mostly ignoring the elf. “I mean, I kinda felt bad that I had to give Church my usual stuff, but at least Prudence was more covered up than you were… I mean, ideally, really, I’d have picked up some nice silk or something.”

“Silk?” Saria asked, getting a little more drawn in.

“Yeah, supposed to be real smooth, but it doesn’t bind too much. I’d probably use it for you or Prudence, though, seein’ as you don’t struggle much.”

She grinned, seeing her opportunity. “Sooo… You want a retry with better materials?

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34c625 No.247620

File: c947a8405350cf7⋯.png (196.26 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR Saria curry.png)

“N-no, I’m not sayin’ that… Just wish I’d had some warning, is all.”

“Well, I think you did a good job, but you don’t want to end up as bad as Church because you didn’t practice, do you? Especially if you’re going to be doing it again~”

Marshall gave her an uncomfortable expression, scratching the back of his head nervously. “Well, of course not, but… u-uh, hey, there’s the food!”

She turned to look, seeing a single dead eye staring at her above a row of jagged-looking teeth.

AAH! Uh, I mean… um, t-thank you?”

The waiter smiled, setting down two identical bowls in front of Marshall and Saria, a severed fish head in each, sitting in some kind of orange sauce, with a grape tomato stuffed into its mouth like a pig.

“…Natasha, uhh… what is this?”

“Did you not know what it was? It’s a spicy fish head curry.”

Saria gave an uncomfortable whine, looking between Marshall and her dinner. “D-Do we have to eat all the curry?”

Marshall gave her a sad looking nod. “We have to eat all the curry.”

“Cheslav, what are you doing with those crepes?” Natasha asked.

“Ah, usually put sour cream on blini with caviar, makes taste better. Does Natasha want vodka? Will pour.”

Cheslav filled her shot glass full, and she picked it up, taking a mouthful of vodka and swirling it around in her mouth. She didn’t really know much about how to taste vodka, so she figured the usual wine tasting method would-

‘OH GOD, WHY!?’

Natasha barely managed to choke down her sip of vodka, nostrils burning from the panicked snort she had made.

‘O-oh god, am I… n-not noble for not being able to enjoy this? I’ve got to… I-it has to be good, I mean, if the Tsar liked it…’ She thought, desperately watching Cheslav scarf down these… blini. She looked at her own plate, the usual fish-and-cracker combination she liked so much.

There was something relieving about having something salty and a little more solid after something so harsh, she had to admit… She cleared her throat, looking to her date again.

“So, er, this is the way you usually eat caviar? I’ve never seen it served like that…”

“Da, was always way babushka made for us. Natasha’s is… fancy, like sushi.”

She couldn’t help but giggle a bit, looking at the goofy grin he had on his face from remembering the ‘fancy’ thing he had in mind. They were really nothing alike, but… She paused for a moment, coming back to what she had planned on asking.

“I was wondering, then… Did you want to trade? I’m interested in what yours are like.”

“Of course, open mouth.” He held out a blin on his fork, cupping his hand under it to stop it from falling.

Natasha was a little embarrassed. H-he was trying to feed her like a child! I-it was kind of romantic, at least… She reached her mouth out, taking a tentative bite.

It was… delicious! The sour cream complemented the saltiness, and the breadiness offset the cream, but it was light and fluffy and- She turned bright red when she realised she was practically fellating the fork.

“Uh… ahem. That was q-quite good, aha… C-could I have another bite? Actually… do you know how to make this? I think my friends would be impressed with such a noble combination…”

“Da, Cheslav knows. Want to make date for day?”

Natasha rubbed her thighs together. A day with just the two of them? Of course she wanted to, but what should she wear? Should she wear something good for cooking in? No, that wouldn’t do, she needed something sexy. What about that strapless dress with the stripes? It might match with his tracksuit… But wait, what if he just ripped it right off her and bent her over the counter while they were waiting for things to cook? Oh, what an uncouth man… not that she minded, really, but-

“Eh, Natasha?”

She stared off into the distance, paying no attention to the world outside. “Eh, dead lady?”

Cheslav paused, then laughed. He leaned in, getting close to the wight’s ear and whispering to her.

“Eeeh, do you like the sexual intercourses?”

Her eyes flew back open. “W-what!?”

“Do you like the sexual intercourses?”

Everything went dark as she fainted, falling out of her seat.

“…Oi, blin, actually worked! Marshall, look, BAM! She is wet! See how she is of sliding off chair?”

Marshall dropped his fork in confusion. “What in tarnation?”

***

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34c625 No.247626

File: 6a3de4820993a2e⋯.png (741.95 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR tall Jinko.png)

File: 7e35dc5f0012dc3⋯.png (729.93 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR, Narjala fin….png)

Natasha came to in Cheslav’s arms at the front door, blushing when she realised what she had done.

“U-uh, put me down, I can pay… I am nobility after all.”

“No, no, Natasha, man should pay for date, is what Cheslav learn from Eastern European Men’s School.”

“A-are you sure? This restaurant is pretty-”

The wight’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates when Cheslav pulled a gold bar from the pocket of his tracksuit and laid it on the desk in front of the cashier.

“Will be enough for tip? Have one more if-”

“NO! I mean, u-uh, well… T-that’s okay?!” The flustered staff member stuttered out.

“Ah, of thankings for good caviar blini again. Will see next time.”

Walking outside, Natasha held on to Cheslav’s manlet arm, needing to lean down a bit to be comfortable. “S-so, that was a nice night out… Did you want to-”

“CHESLAV!”

An old lady hobbled out from behind them, leaning heavily on a cane and smiling brightly.

“Babushka?”

“Oh, Cheslav, finally found lady!”

Natasha stopped. Was this Cheslav’s grandmother or something? She had to make a good impression, then! Nobility!

“It’s lovely to meet you, mada-”

The wight was interrupted by the woman pinching her cheeks, feeling her dress and running her fingers through Natasha’s hair before nodding and continuing.

“And noble lady too! Cheslav, treat lady right, not like stupid Misha. Give flowers!”

“Da, babushka, will-”

“And good ring! Not cover in cosmoline!”

“I’m honoured you think-”

“But Cheslav, is so thin! Take food, made enough blini and syrniki for take home! BOYS!”

“B-babushka, do not need-”

“Nyet, nyet, will need energy for tonight!”

“W-what? Will we? I-I mean, that’s awfully…” Natasha stuttered, unsure of what to say.

“Am so old, Cheslav, make sure babushka can see more babies before death!”

“B-babushka, do not think-”

“Oooh, feel faint already… Maybe can only make nine more month…”

The couple panicked, looking at each other in horror. Babushka recovered quickly, shouting at some young men, who loaded several wooden crates onto Cheslav’s truck. Again.

“Cheslav, is easy! Just remember in and out! Is like talk about bears and caves. Just go inside, but no hibernate!”

Natasha made a loud thump as she hit the ground, having fainted again.

“Oi, Cheslav, is perfect time! Just talk about, and bam! She is wet!”

***

Two days had passed, the raiders stood before the jinko dojo, the tall building looming menacingly over them. Church lowered his binoculars, then fixed the pith helmet on top of his head.

“Here we are boys, the jinkos. The strength of the amazon combined with the kung-fu skill of the hinezumi. We might not be making it out alive.”

“Church, come on. We ain’t gonna die on campus. Though, I would be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t worried about my pelvis…” Marshall trailed off, trying to scratch his head before realizing his plate armour was blocking it.

“You’ve got armour for that, Marshall. I’m not worried about you.

“Course you ain’t.”

“Let’s climb in through the window, the door would be too noisy and obvious.”

“Thanks fer the tip, Cap’n Obvious.”

“Anytime, Lieutenant Hillbilly.”

Cheslav opened the window, pushing Marshall in.

“Alright Marshall, you start making noise while Chap and I make our move.” Church said as he shut the window behind him.

Marshall just lied there, body in a heap. He didn’t feel like moving, the more he moved, the sooner he would give away his position and the sooner he would inevitably get the shit kicked out of him. Maybe if he just kept still the entire time, they would mistake him as a pile of junk and ignore him? It was worth a shot.

He heard footsteps approach his location, and did his best impression of an unoccupied suit of armour.

“Hey Narjala, was that loud clunky noise you? I didn't see… Ooooh, what’s this?”

Shit, already!?

He heard the footsteps get closer, then stop. He quietly wondered if she lost interest, but that glimmer of hope was dashed when he felt himself being picked up by the back plate.

“Boy this is heavy. HEY GIRLS, NARJALA GOT A NEW SUIT OF armour!” She called, causing Marshall to subtly quake in the suit.

‘No, no, no, no…’ He thought.

“A suit of armour? That’s weird… Where is Narjala anyway?”

“I dunno, could be in the bathroom or something.”

“Hey, hey, let’s pull a prank on her by doing something to this thing!”

“Haha, great idea! B-but what are we gonna do?”

“Oh geez, that’s a good question…” There was a short pause before one of the jinkos spoke up.

“Wait, I’ve got it! Let’s pose it on her bed, seductively~”

“That’s stupid, let’s do it!”

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34c625 No.247628

Marshall felt himself being dragged along the floor, then swung onto something springy. He had to admit, it was terrifying how easily they were slinging his weight around. It made him all the more resolved to put up this ‘lifeless suit of armour’ act for as long as he could. They adjusted him to a ‘paint me like one of your french knights’ pose before quickly running out of the room.

Now alone, Marshall let out a sigh of relief. He really had to control his breathing in order to fool them into thinking he was an empty suit, had they been a weaker species, he had a feeling the jig would’ve been up much sooner. The peace didn’t last long, as he started to hear more footsteps approaching the door. He suppressed his breathing again, anticipating her to enter the room.

Narjala wasn’t expecting any packages today, when her friends said something about the ‘armour suit’ she apparently had in her room, she was immediately suspicious. Peering her head around the corner into her room, she saw the suit posed on her bed.

“The hell…” She mumbled to herself, creeping into her room and standing in front of the suit. She flicked her ears, listening in closely…

…Breathing, soft, faint, but definitely there.

She leaned in, squinting her eyes, then flicked up the visor on the helmet, revealing Marshall’s visage.

“O-oh, uh… howdy miss Narjala!”

Narjala clicked her tongue. “Howdy yourself.”

“N-now, I know this looks bad, but it’s not what it looks li-”

“You’re looking for your stolen underwear, aren’t you? Maybe nab some panties while you’re at it?”

“Errr…”

“I think it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“W-well ya see, I don’t-”

“How did you get my name, that’s what I really want to know. If you tell me that, I’ll tell you anything~”

“We learned it from our uh… network of spies!”

“Oh come now, we both know that’s bullshit.” Narjala drummed her fingers on Marshall’s armour impatiently.

“Shit. Uhh…”

“Come on, I’m happy to hold up my end of the bargain if you just-”

“NARJALA THERE’S THIS NAKED GOPNIK SQUATTING IN OUR KITCHEN COVERING HIMSELF IN THIS BLACK STUFF AND WE CAN’T CATCH HIM!” A jinko pleaded from outside the room.

“Naked!? What in the hell.” Narjala tossed Marshall unceremoniously on the floor, scrambling out of the room.

After normalizing his heart rate, Marshall finally peeled himself from the floor. ‘They must be talkin’ bout Cheslav, but what is that cowpoke doin?’ He thought to himself. ‘Better go help ‘im out, I’m not that heartless.’

Meanwhile, Cheslav had finished covering the last of himself in cosmoline. He was invulnerable, nobody could catch a greased up russian, not even a venus flytrap alraune.

“Corner ‘im, he can’t dodge all of us at once!” One of the jinkos shouted. The others formed a half circle around him, slowly closing in. Cheslav was running out of options, and just when they all converged on him at once, he dove between their legs and narrowly slipped out of capture.

“Haha! Will never be of catchings me, for I am COSMOLINE MAN!” Cheslav boasted, manhood in full view and sporting a solid half chub from pride.

“It’s no use, he’s too slippery and small! We can’t hope to catch him!”

Just then, Narjala entered the room, seeing the Cosmoline Man himself.

‘Good grief, this slippery-slidey son of a fuck.’ Narjala thought to herself. She scratched her head, catching him wouldn’t be easy. She would need to strategize, come up with a plan-

“Y’all weren’t starting the party without me, were ya?” Said a familiar voice. Oh great, it was that… damn cowboy.

“This isn’t a party, goddammit! You’re both getting out of our dorms, now!” Snapped Narjala, her claws on full display.

“I dunno, I don’t mind them staying.” Said one of the other jinkos, eyeing Cheslav’s body hungrily.

“Come on girls, you’re really going to just let these two guys waltz in unannounced? What if we were… I dunno, changing or some shit?”

“We barely wear clothes anyway.”

Narjala’s eye twitched. “Well… if they’re so fun then why don’t we catch them, at least!?”

“I call the knight!” one of the bigger jinkos blurted, before tackling Marshall to the ground.

“I call the greasy sausage!” Another jinko shouted as she made another dive for Cheslav.

As each of the jinkos picked a man to ‘play with,’ Narjala felt her head swell with rage.They didn’t realize why they were here, or why they should care. Narjala’s blood boiled at the thought of having her underwear stolen, but she suspected her colleagues were either indifferent or enthusiastic at the prospect with how they were treating two intruders.

“Ow! Hey, Cut it- Aaagh seriously!?” Marshall whined as the jinkos shoved him back and forth like an unwanted dance partner.

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34c625 No.247629

Marshall wasn’t sure why he was letting the jinkos just toss him around like a cat toy, though realistically it was because they didn’t seem to want to harm him. However, he wasn’t a fan of their… roughness.

’Welp, guess there ain’t anything for it.’

“So, uh, -ow- you ladies gonna just roll me around for the rest of the night, or…?”

“What, were you hoping for rape? We’re not going to be any more gentle, you know…” The jinko licked her lips menacingly.

“Y-y’know, I think I’m good, actually. I-I was hopin’ to get my underwear and get outta here as fast as I can.”

“Your what?” The kicking stopped, the girl above him cocking her head.

“Yeah, I guess Narjala got into some thing with a bunch of other girls and stole me and my friend’s underwear.”

“The fuck? Really?”

There was muttering amongst the jinkos around Marshall, mostly about their distaste for their comrade’s stealing instead of fighting.

“Y’know, she has been acting all weird since she started hanging around that fuckin’ alp… Ash or whatever her name was.” She paused, scratching her chin for a moment before she continued. “You know what? Get your shit and fuck off, armour boy. We’re gonna have a chat with her. ‘EY, ‘JALA!”

Narjala looked up to see a few of her friends walking over to her while Marshall power walked in the direction Church had gone. “What the fuck!? Don’t let him run!”

“He doesn’t matter. We got to talking and we agreed you’re acting all funny ever since you started hangin’ out with that weirdo Ash.”

Narjala’s face blanched at the news. “You told him about Ash!?”

“Stop fuckin’ tryin’ to dodge it! He told us you were stealing underwear and shit!”

“Hey, fuck you! You don’t know what I’m doing and you’re trying to tell me what I should do? I don’t even have them and now you’re letting some frat boy walk around like he owns the place?”

The two jinkos’ arguing was interrupted by the group trying to catch Cheslav shouting at them. “You guys wanna shut up and help catch this greasy piece of dick instead of bitchin’ at each other?”

“I’m not- Damn it, we’re at least questioning him first!” Narjala shouted, making a leaping grab at Cheslav, who was hopping around, taunting the other girls.

Her face turned to horror as she realised what she had grabbed, Cheslav’s greasy dick sliding out of her outstretched paw. “AAH, SHIT! I GOT HIS DICK-GREASE ON MY HAND!” Narjala yelled, shaking the affected limb wildly.

“C-can I lick it?” A starry-eyed jinko asked, edging closer.

“What?! No! We have to cat-” Looking over, she saw the man flip out of the window stark-naked, escaping in the confusion. “God damn it!”

***

Church fell through the window, flat onto his face, after a great deal of effort. Standing, he righted his pith helmet and scanned the room.

“Ah, too easy, girls. Well-”

“Ahem.”

Church nearly walked straight into a jinko a full head shorter than he was, scoffing when he noticed her.

“Hmm? Oh, move out of the way, would you? I have work to do.”

“And who the FUCK do you think you are? You with that greased retard out in the hall?”

“Look, kitty, you can either move or get the spray bottle.” he said, pulling out a bottle labelled Kat Kontroller.

The small tiger slapped it out of his hand as soon as it was levelled at her, snarling. “Are you looking for a fucking fight, bitch boy?”

“Oh, honestly. It’d hardly be fair, would it?” He patted her head condescendingly.

“Are you calling me short, asshole?” She nearly shouted, shoving Church.

“If you’re that caught up on being disgraced, I suppose I could oblige you.” He grinned smugly. “We traditionally leave the hunting to the locals, but it won’t be the first time an Englishman takes care of an oversized, stripy c-

Church’s fighting stance lasted all of a second before he was punched squarely in the jaw and stumbled back into the wall. “GOOD FUCK! Guh… damn it all. Look, you might’ve caught me on the wrong foot, but it won’t hap-”

He was interrupted by all the air being pushed out of his lungs as he collapsed into a pile, winded from the quick punch the jinko had delivered to his stomach.

“HHUUUEEEEEEEGH!” Church wheezed on the ground. “W-what the bloody…”

“Come again?” The jinko cracked her knuckles.

“Augh… n-not giving… up that… easily…” Church reached forward, grabbed his cane, and started to pry himself up. Right when he had his cane steady and was starting to pull himself up with it, she kicked it out from under him.

“Ffffuuhuhuck!” Church fell back onto his face, the wind still knocked out of him.

The short jinko leaned down, her nose almost touching his. “… Give up yet?”

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34c625 No.247634

“N-no! N-never! Just gotta…” Church tried to get up again, but felt a great weight press upon his chest as the jinko sat on top of him.

“Now, what to do with you…” She pondered.

“The only option for you is to let me g- OW!” Church was interrupted as she slapped him across the face.

“You really think I’m going to just let you go at this point? Wow, you’re stupider than I gave you credit for.” She traced a finger around his chest, causing him to sweat. Now, he realized, would be a good time for Marshall or Chap to pull through and rescue him.

“W-well, you may have me pinned down in a tight spot, but you certainly won’t be able to pin down my greatest asset, MARSHALL!” Church pointed dramatically towards the doorway, yet nobody appeared to the rescue.

“…You think I’m stupid? I know that you’re just trying to stall the inevitable. If you keep still, maybe I won’t break your fucking legs. Maybe.” The jinko, running out of patience, started to peel his shirt off.

“C-Chap? M-Marshall? Now would be a good time for you to come in, haha!” Church belted, nearing desperation.

“Face it, dipshit. Your friends aren’t coming to rescue you, and besides, this isn’t the worst fate you cou-”

“MARSHALL, YOU TWAT! GET THE HELL IN HERE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!”

“…Oh I see, you’re just clueless. Look, I’m not going to eat you, I’m going to have sex with you.” The jinko folded her arms, tail twitching impatiently behind her.

“I know that, you dense cat! That’s precisely the problem!”

“Wha? You can’t be serious. What kind of man doesn’t think a girl sitting on top of him and taking his clothes off is a dream come true? Unless…”

Suddenly, a sense of dread filled Church, as if he knew where this was going.

“You aren’t… playing for the other team, are you?” She adjusted her position on top of him, so she wasn’t sitting on his chest.

Great, his allies weren’t coming to his aid, so he had two options; either go with it, or risk having his well-guarded virginity taken away.

“Errrr, y-yes. I am indeed… gay.” He almost choked on his own bile, forcing himself to say something like that.

“O-oh, well…” She twiddled her fingers, then slid off of him. “I may be hungry for cock, but I have standards. I won’t touch you if you’re n-not interested. Say, that guy you were calling for earlier, Marshall, is he…” She made a vulgar gesture with her hands for several seconds, trying to accurately portray what she envisioned ‘gay sex’ to be like.

Church held in a gag, but knew he had to sell this. “Err, yes! Indeed, him and I are all that… a-and such.”

“Wooow, I never met a gay person before! Is it true you-”

Suddenly, the door clicked open, and Marshall peered his head in.

“Oh, hi Marshall!” The jinko waved cordially at him.

Marshall, unsure why this jinko knew his name, was caught off guard. “Uhhh… howdy?” He glanced briefly at Church for help. Church, in turn, waved his hands in desperation.

“Oh Marshall, darling, you’ve come! I was just through telling off this… young lady, that I prefer the company of men, that is, I am… a hopeless homosexual. As are you.

Marshall barely stifled a chuckle. “Yeah, I’ll say. You really hate them women.”

“Oh from the bottom of my heart, I truly do. Unfortunately, she seems to have incapacitated me, and I cannot leave by myself. Would you be such a good…” He swallowed a gag. “…boyfriend and carry me out?”

Marshall shrugged, guess this was the plan. “Of course… darlin,’ I’d be happy to. Didja get what you came here for?” To sell the ‘gay’ act a little more, Marshall placed his hands on his hips with his thumbs facing forward.

“Uuuuhhh, I didn’t, actually. You see, I was in-”

“You wanted to steal my panties for your lover? How come?”

“B-because…” Church racked his brain for an answer.

“S-so he could wear it of course! My little crumpet loves to wear ladies underwear.” Marshall stammered, proud of his idea.

“What? My dear Marshall, I believe all that long island iced tea has gone to your head! You’re the one that likes to wear the underwear, not me!” Church shot back, a bead of sweat running down his forehead.

“Now now, no need to be so embarrassed. I think you look great in ladies underwear.”

“Oh no, no, these would be far too big on me anyway. You should be the one to wear them, Marshmallow.

The jinko crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. “Hey, hold on a second. You guys aren’t trying to pull a fast one, are you?”

“Pfft, the only fast one here is Marshall.

“The hell are you imply-”

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34c625 No.247639

“Alright, both of you!” The jinko stomped her foot, causing both of them to stop arguing and pay attention to her. “I’m not sure I believe you guys are a couple anymore. However…” She smirks, holding up a pair of panties. “I’ll give you these if you two can prove your devotion to one another. I want you two… to kiss.

An eerie silence fell across the room. Church turned towards Marshall, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. Marshall exhaled deeply, holding back his own nervousness.

“Well, might as well get this over with.” Marshall whispered, slowly leaning towards Church.

Church gulped, cold sweat running down his face as he too, inched closer towards Marshall. Was it really worth it? Pretending to be gay in order to prevent himself from getting raped and acquiring the stupid cat’s panties? The closer to Marshall’s lips he got, the better snu-snu from an angry womanlet tiger was starting to sound. He could smell Marshall’s breath now, it smelled awful, like wheaties, tobacco and… iced tea.

Church couldn’t take it anymore, he gagged, turned his head to the side, and threw up all over the jinko’s floor.

Another moment of silence passed, both parties assessed the situation before Marshall spoke first.

“Uh… oh no! That doggone spotted dick must’ve been expired! Quick, get him a towel!”

“I’m so sorry! I had no idea one of you was sick! I-I’ll be right back!”

As soon as she left the room, Marshall rushed towards her dresser, threw open the top drawer, and stuffed a few pairs of panties inside his pocket.

“C’mon, she’ll be back soon. Let’s get the hell outta dodge.”

“Uuuugh, d-don’t touch me… you were going to… do it, weren’t you?” Church mumbled, being slung over Marshall’s armour-plated shoulder.

“Calm down, partner, I wasn’t happy about the circumstance either… but if you were fixin’ to commit to it, I was gonna do it too.”

“S-shut up, I eeuuueeghh…” Church suppressed a gag, then smacked his lips. “I could smell your breath, you cretin. How often do you brush your goddamn teeth?”

“I brushed this mornin,’ though I did smoke that cigar…”

God. No wonder your breath was so foul. Did you at least grab any goods?”

“Yeah, in my back pocket. Now don’t fidget around, I’m gonna climb out the window.” Marshall whispered, sliding open the window before creeping out, taking care not to make too much noise. He kept Church secure on his shoulder, then once they were free, he made a break for the clubhouse. For a moment, he wondered if Cheslav made it out okay, but some cosmoline tracks leading away from the dorm quelled Marshall’s worries. Looks like Cheslav made it out first.

***

Halfway through the trek back to the clubhouse, Church came to his senses and insisted he could make it back on his own. When they finally arrived, they found only Prudence there to greet them.

“O-oh, welcome back guys! Was… it a success?”

Marshall smirked, pulling out several pairs of cheetah print panties.

“Ugh, really? Animal print? These trashy cats have no class.” Church snatched one of the pairs out of Marshall’s hand, then hobbled over to the drawer with all the frames. Taking out a fresh frame, he carefully inserted the panties and hung them in the ‘J’ section.

“Church, ya wouldn’t know class if it raped you.” Marshall grumbled.

“Oh? I don’t think you know who you’re talking to, Marshall. I exhale class.”

“Pfft, nobody with half an ounce of class would talk shit about long island iced tea.”

“Long island iced tea is for fairies, and I’m not talking about the kind with wings. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you actually wanted to kiss me back there.”

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34c625 No.247640

Marshall rubbed his temples. “Church, I ain’t gay. I was just going along with the plan you set up. It’s your fault I even had t’act gay in the first place.”

“I had my back against the wall, there was no other way. Besides, I didn’t think she would… actually ask us to… kiss.

“Well we ended up escapin’ without having to do that anyway, so if ya ask me, everything turned out peachy keen.” Marshall reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigar.

“Christ, you kept that in your pocket this whole time?”

“I was hopin’ to find an opportunity to finish smoking it today, now’s as good of a time as any.”

Church pulled a silver box from his jacket pocket, opening it up and taking a pinch of the brown dust inside. “Well I would prefer if you did so outside so you don’t stink up the entire room. Besides…” He snorted the powder off his finger. “That stuff is terrible for you, anyway.”

Prudence, realizing she forgot to ask Church something, started to creep towards the door. Their conversation was very interesting, to say the least. She was going to have to tell Saria what happened. “Hey, M-master, can I… leave the clubhouse early and hang out with Saria? We talked about having a sleepover tonight and I haven’t had one of those since-”

“That’s fine, Marshall and I will probably be staying here the night, but be here tomorrow by nine.”

“O-of course Master, thank you so much!” Prudence bowed, then headed out for the night.

END OF CHAPTER 9

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34c625 No.247646

File: 0f42b00605669dc⋯.gif (1.88 MB,640x360,16:9,gold.gif)

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34c625 No.247727

>aggressive womanlet jinko

I didn't know I wanted this til now

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34c625 No.247728

>>247640

>Prudence, realizing she forgot to ask Church something, started to creep towards the door. Their conversation was very interesting, to say the least. She was going to have to tell Saria what happened. “Hey, M-master, can I… leave the clubhouse early and hang out with Saria? We talked about having a sleepover tonight and I haven’t had one of those since-”

>“That’s fine, Marshall and I will probably be staying here the night, but be here tomorrow by nine.”

>“O-of course Master, thank you so much!” Prudence bowed, then headed out for the night.

Oh this is gonna be good. The anticipation is killing me already

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34c625 No.247768

File: 616cbe06bab1d20⋯.jpg (255.42 KB,1321x1782,1321:1782,1435837539753.jpg)

>tfw you wake up to a panty raiders update

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34c625 No.247783

File: 39a7caec429e646⋯.gif (1.96 MB,615x413,615:413,39a.gif)

You always deliver on the laughs, OP. Now we just have to see Cheslav's reaction when they find out they're gonna hit the Alps next.

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34c625 No.248099

fuck yeah

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34c625 No.248334

>No update on panty raiders

end me

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34c625 No.248336

File: cc4ea5dbe02cb36⋯.jpg (97.98 KB,671x469,671:469,17584872-CE23-4DA4-9206-47….jpg)

Fucking sage you niggers

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34c625 No.248646

>>248334

We just put one out you dumb nigger

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34c625 No.256327

Chapter 10: N-no homo, right?

“So… why’re we stayin’ at the clubhouse, again?”

“Well, we can’t trust our dorms any more, so we need to watch each other’s backs. I’m not letting my underwear fall into the wrong hands, again.”

“Riiiight. So, uh… What’re we gonna do ‘bout sleepin’ here?”

“Well, there’s only one comfortable chair, so unless you plan on having me sit in your lap, we’ll have to take turns, won’t we?”

“Yeah, that’d be a little… gay, wouldn’t it?”

“Of course it would be, you oaf.”

An awkward moment passed between the two, unsure about how to continue.

“Soooo… Uh… Say, what was with that gay thing at the dorm earlier? Ain’t nothin’ wrong with long island iced teas, y’hear?”

“Oh, I’ll believe it when I see it. Maybe you should try drinking something meant for men sometime.”

“The hell do you think a manly drink is, then, prissy boy?”

“A dry martini, of course. Shaken, not stirred.”

Marshall scoffed at him. “Oh, sure, Mr. Bond. Tell ya what, I’ll try your stupid drink if you try mine. It ain’t so stupid once you’ve had a sip.”

“Fine, then. I just hope I don’t alp from having that kind of trash in my body.”

A few minutes later, the two men sat down at the table and swapped drinks.

“Hope this ain’t as horrible as your tea.” Marshall said, gulping down a mouthful.

“At least it still is tea, you tasteless man.” Church took a more measured sip, judging the taste. They sat in silence a moment before Church broke the silence. “Well, it’s not… bad. I suppose. Er, I’d rather have mine back, though, if it’s all the same to you.”

“Uh, yours is pretty good too. Here, I’ll take that iced tea back.” Church took a sip of his martini, and Marshall stopped. “Hang on, ain’t this like one of them, uh, indirect kisses?

“Oh, who cares? We’re not petty women. We’re straight, upstanding, strapping chaps.”

“Look, the only chaps I got are some- Hang on, if you don’t care about this kissin’ thing, why’d you get all riled up back at that dorm?”

“Well, I… A man’s allowed to be nervous, isn’t he? You were awfully close to my face.”

“Yeah, I guess… But, uh, what if we need to do this fake-out thing again? Vomitin’ might not work with ‘em next time.”

Church glanced up from the table, fiddling with the martini glass. “…Are you saying we practice?

“Well, I mean, if’n that’s gonna be what works…”

Church looked away, his face turning red. “…Fine. But it’s only for the plan, alright?”

“Uh… ‘course, Church.”

Marshall pressed in closer, grabbing Church’s chin. “Kyaa, Marshmallow, what’re you-”

Then Church gets cut off by a kiss. Like, a super deep one, and when they break off, they give each other bedroom eyes, like ‘take my ass, cowboy!’

Marshall whips out his mare’s leg, and I’m not talking about the gun, if you know what I mean.

“Yeah, but then Church gets hard, and then his pants burst off because it’s so big, like BAM!”

“Yeah, and then Marshall gets hard, and it’s like… even bigger! And then he lifts Church’s legs over his head and-”

“But suddenly, Church teleports behind Marshall and jams that big horsecock up his ass and uses him like an onahole!”

“But… Uh… Marshall’s dick like, loops around and they’re like a buttsex ouroboros, and there’s just cum everywhere!”

Prudence wiped a strand of drool from her chin, then patted her thighs clean with a handkerchief, while Saria tried desperately to staunch a massive nosebleed.

After a few minutes of trying to calm down, Saria spoke up, her voice still a little shaky. “I-I think that was the best one yet! I mean… w-wow. You got that all down, right?”

Prudence rubbed her thighs together, writing down a few last sentences in a notebook. “I got most of it… There was a little part in the middle there, where, um…”

“K-’kay. You’ll send me the copies, right?”

“Still ‘gush1ngxXxth1gh5xXx69’ right? Are you ever gonna change that username?”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk, ‘The-Lusty-Kiki-Maid’. At least I made mine when I was 12.”

“S-shut up, it’s witty, okay? I’m going to get some tea for us. I’m feeling, uh… dehydrated.”

A few minutes later, Prudence carried out a pot of strawberry tea to Saria, who had started to read the newest addition to the Rape Fantasies anthologies, volume 32.

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34c625 No.256332

“Oh! Thanks. So, uh… Are you gonna ask Church about that dorm thing any more?” Saria asked.

“Well, I mean, obviously I want to… But, well… Master usually gets the wrong idea about that kind of thing when I ask. Or he just ignores me as usual.” Prudence drooped a little as she sat, pouting.

“I-I’ll try to get some of the juicy details out of Marshie, if that helps any! C’mon, you’ll get through to him eventually. He can’t ignore that sexy ass of yours forever! Uh, no homo.”

The kikimora rested her face against the table letting out something halfway between a sigh and a frustrated scream. “But I’ve known him since middle school, Saria! They even started paying me at his parents’ house because I was over there doing maid work so often!”

“Hey, c’mon… He’s at least paying some attention to you, like bossing you around and stuff… I don’t even get invited to come when Marshall goes places! It keeps seeming like things are going well, but then he starts ignoring me again! Like, I’ve been having to tie myself- uh, well… More like doing research…

Prudence sniggered at the mention of ropes. “I guess, but at least Marshall can do that for you. I guess it was kinda cute how hard Master was concentrating when he was trying to do me that one time…”

“Hey, that’s it! You’ve just gotta get it going the other way around, show him what it’s like to get tied up properly.”

“Uh… You think he’d actually like that? I mean, I’d kinda rather have him do it to me, but…”

“Yeah, girl, go for it! Just get all dressed up in leather and you’ll have to restrain him so he’ll keep his hands off you!”

“Well, I guess I could try it sometime, but… You look way better in it than me, especially with Marshall doing it. N-no homo.”

The elf laid a hand on Prudence’s shoulder. “No, no… Like, think about it, Prue! You’ve got him wrapped up all tight in a nice, romantic room, and he struggles a bit because he’s nervous, but he’s all yours, and he couldn’t get away even if he wanted. No more ignoring you, because it’s like… Just the two of you in the whole world.”

Prudence’s knees started shaking a little. “O-oh god… That’s, uh… W-wow. I guess… M-maybe… Master… Aaah.” She bit her lip, staring into nothing.

“When I think about Marshall and me doing that… It always gets me wound up, eheh…” Saria rubbed her thighs together. “Do you want me to show you some… stuff I learned?”

“YES! Um, I mean, if it’s not any trouble…”

Saria jumped up and dashed off to her bedroom, shouting over her shoulder. “Okay! I got these ropes in last week off the internet, and I was hoping to try them out! Marshie was talking about wanting some silk rope, and I mean, he probably has some, but what if he doesn’t? So I grabbed some myself, and…”

She dashed back out of her room, carrying a small duffel bag impressively full of various toys, ropes and other paraphernalia. She held out a coil of green rope to the kikimora. “Feel this! It’s nice, right?”

“Oh! It’s… kind of nice, isn’t it? Should I get some? I mean, I wouldn’t want to be too rough with Master. Well, at least the first time…”

“I could lend it to you, if you want, I’d just have to, uh… clean it up a bit. Anyway, let’s start with my ankles, come over here.”

About an hour was spent with experimenting, tying and retying until Saria laid immobile on her couch.

“T-that’s… Ooooh, yeah. C-can you call me a ‘Lil’ lady’? A-and try to do the accent, if you can…”

Prudence, standing over the elf, cleared her throat. “Um… Er, y-y’all snug up there, little lady? Because you’re- I mean yer’ all mine, now, sweetie.”

A moment of silence passed before the pair started giggling.

“Pff, come on, that’s your cowboy impression? Church could have done better!”

“Well sorry, I didn’t know it was a test! Besides, I try to speak properly for Master. …Do you want me to untie you now?”

Saria squirmed in her bonds, finding them difficult to slip out of. “Uh, well… Could you… Maybe just leave me like this all night? Oh! You could put in a gag, too, and-”

“Um, let’s not go that far. I-I guess I’ll put the movie on, if you’re serious about leaving you like that.”

The elf nodded vigorously, then paused. “Uh, Prue? Could you do one more thing? I… N-no homo, but… Could you get me a towel? I got a bit caught up in… Well, I mean, the impression wasn’t that good, but I got to thinking about it, and… It’s kind of uncomfortable.”

“Sure, ‘Lil’ Lady’.”

“O-oh, fuck off…”

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34c625 No.256334

File: 4baf7dd88b4746b⋯.png (574.69 KB,1000x1500,2:3,monster - TPR Ash truck.png)

Marshall was roused from his slumber by his ringtone. Who was calling him at… six in the morning?

“H’lo? Who the sam hell is this?”

“Comrade Marshall, thank Mikhail you are awake. Church was not of answerings.”

“Cheslav? What’s going on, is everything okay?”

“Not sure, spotted stranger near truck. Stranger is not leaving, appears to not be human? We investigate, da?”

“Why not just go yerself?”

“Strange monster has wings and demon tail. Could have magic, would not be good idea to confront without backup.”

“Shit, some kinda demon? Alright, I’ll drag Church along too. You just keep an eye on ‘em.” Marshall hung up, then shook Church’s leg.

“Nnnnnwwwhat is it?” He mumbled, barely awake.

“Cheslav’s got a strange monster hanging around his truck, we need to go back him up.”

Church swung his arms around, like a child who didn’t want to get up for school yet. “Five more minutes?”

“No, partner. We’re going to help him ‘cause he’s our friend. Now get your stupid jacket on, it’s chilly out there.”

Church groaned, pulling himself up and getting ready to go.

>______________<

The sun wasn’t quite out yet, but the slightest glimpse of bright purple to the east signified that dawn was approaching. Marshall exhaled a cloud of vapor, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. It was too early for this shit.

“Church, quit leanin’ on me. I know you’re tired, but lean on that trash can if you’re really that tired.”

“Uuuhhgh, why did I let you talk me into this? We don’t even have any classes until evening, I could have just left you and Chap to deal with this.”

“Comrades.” Uttered a soft yet familiar voice.

Marshall and Church turned their heads, Cheslav beckoning them to follow him. Was it really necessary to be so quiet? Perhaps this intruder had sensitive hearing, better safe than sorry.

“There she is, Cheslav found out she is lady, and probably as tall as Cheslav.” He pointed at a shadowy figure, sitting on the back of his truck.

“Well shit, ya think we should call campus security?”

“Cheslav thinks should at least talk first. Perhaps girl is merely lost.”

“I don’t know, she looks pretty confident where she is, I agree with Marshall’s suggestion. Let’s call campus security, then go back home.” Church added, squinting his eyes at the shadowy figure.

“Marshall, be of followings, comrade. If I give signal, Church will call campus security. Good plan, da?” Cheslav asked, demonstrating a hand signal for Church to watch out for.

“Sounds good to me, just hurry up and take care of this. I want to go back to bed.”

Cheslav and Marshall nodded, slowly approaching the mysterious monster. They took on a casual stroll, trying to make themselves look as nonthreatening as possible.

As they got closer, they began to notice this girl was rather lightly clad for the weather. She wore a navy blue jogging bra and matching mesh shorts. She had jet black hair, fair skin, a large scar on her face, and noticeable muscles. Her spaded tail curled around a water bottle, her wings lay casually against the back of the truck, and her short horns curved forward, like a succubus. Judging by her attire, it looked like she was in the middle of a morning jog.

“Hey, ya waitin’ for someone?” Marshall asked, breaking the uneasy silence between them.

“Y-yeah, I was waiting for you guys! ‘B-bout time you showed up if you ask m-me!” She had a very tomboyish voice, and she sounded like she was freezing.

“Why are you looking for us? We ain’t exactly hard to spot on campus.”

“Because I c-can’t discuss this in p-p-public!”

“Well you got us here, so what do ya want?” Marshall was getting impatient.

“F-for too long have alps been the b-bully bait of choice. We aren’t i-inherently strong, or able to use much magic, and have p-pullable tails, and sensitive horns, a-and we probably couldn’t escape if even a m-moderately fit human were to tie us up, s-s-so we would have to take the abuse and squeal while they had their way with us… a-and-”

“Alright, stop! That’s enough. We get it, alps are tired of bein’ picked on. So what? Ya don’t exactly look helpless yerself. You must work out a lot to get a body like that.”

She blushed, grabbing her arm. “Y-you mirin’ brah? Yeah, I hit the gym f-five days a week, and it takes a high p-protein diet in order to get these kind of g-gains, you wanna feel?” She flexed her arm, inviting Marshall to touch it.

“Ummm…”

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34c625 No.256335

File: 47e443d19362916⋯.jpg (45.58 KB,540x432,5:4,Poker.jpg)

>>256334

>/fit/ alp

Oh boy

Glad to see you stopped doing dumb "real life" shit for a bit to get something important done

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34c625 No.256338

After an awkward moment, she slapped her own face, snapping herself out of it. “C’mon, Ash, you can’t let yourself get this flustered over him!”

“Wait, Ash?”

She paused, a profoundly blank look on her face. “Uhh, yes! It is I, the mastermind behind you guys’ underwear disappearing!”

‘Shit.’ Ash thought, ‘Dropped my name too early.’

“Well this makes things mighty easy, I reckon. If you return at least most of what you stole, I’ll…” Marshall racked his brain, what could he offer that this girl might be interested in… “Go to the gym with you or somethin,’ I don’t fuckin’ know.”

Ash scooted forward, her wings subtly spreading wider. “G-go to the g-gym together? Like a d-d-date?” Wow, she’d never been on a… date before. She couldn’t help but turn red at the-

No, NO! Damn this cowboy and his smooth talking.

“N-no! I’m trying to send a message here, dammit! I’m Ash, the Dire Alp that won’t take shit from anybody!

“The hell is a Dire Alp?” Marshall asked.

“Oh, you don’t know? Dire alps are like alps…” She leaned in closer, “…but dire.

“Right, and here I thought you were a threat, but you’re just a plus-sized alp.”

Ash clenched her fist, scooting off the truck to stand up. “Y-you better watch yourself, o-or else I’ll…”

“You’ll do what?” Marshall folded his arms.

“I’ll… s-steal all your gains!”

Marshall sighed. “Look, you’ve been out in this here lot for a while, and I’m startin’ to think you were planning on keyin’ up my friend’s truck or something. I don’t care if you’re a dire pretty boy. Unless you get outta here, we’re gonna have to call campus security.”

“Pfft, go on, c-call them. They can’t un-key your t-truck.”

“Step away from blyat machine, or else Cheslav will pickle in cosmoline and sell to Polish cousins.” Cheslav stepped forward, having to look up in order to look Ash in the eyes. Comrade Cluckers poked his head from under Cheslav’s hat, glaring at Ash as well.

Ash paused, gently placing her hand on her scar before backing up. “T-this isn’t over, we will meet again!” With that, she started to jog away, leaving the truck unscathed.

“Haha! We scared ‘er off, Cheslav!” Marshall beamed, giving his friend a high five.

“Cheslav has finally scared monster off! He is now true man! Must call and tell babushka!” Cheslav took out his cellphone and dialed her number.

“Beep, nobody is home, KGB go away please and thank.”

“Babushka? Is Cheslav!”

“Oh? Thank stars! How is favorite grandson faring?”

“Babushka! Cheslav has scared demon lady! Finally become true man, can still see running away!”

“Why, is great news! Babushka is so proud of you, now… how is great grandchildren coming along? Has Cheslav put pirozhki in dead lady oven yet?”

Cheslav started to sweat. “Eeeehhh… oy b-blin! KGB has severed wire again! Am losing connection SCKRRRR love you babushka SCKKKRRRR!” He abruptly hung up.

“Alright, I’m going back to bed. Hey Church! Wanna come back to the- oh.” Looking back, he saw Church had fallen asleep against the lamp post.

>______________<

Later That Very Same 🐝…

Church, last to make it to the clubroom, dashed in, a grin plastered on his face. “Have you heard the rumours yet? I’ve been wandering around campus all day, and it’s all anyone can even talk about! We’re so fucking famous!”

Prudence hopped up with glee, bouncing alongside Church. “Did you see it, Master!? They even mentioned us in the editorial section of the school paper!”

He laughed maniacally. “Seen it? I’ve already got a snippet hung above my bed, you daft woman!”

Marshall and Cheslav looked at each other, then grinned. “Well, y’know, I reckon we did a pretty good job on them jinkos. Didn’t even hafta have sex with any of ‘em.”

“Da, also scare away fire alp, thanks to Cheslav.” The man swelled with pride, straightening his tracksuit. “Am big, also scary. True strong man now. Babushka say so when tell.”

Church stopped bouncing. “Wait, the hell is a fire alp?”

Dire. He meant dire alp.” Marshall cut in.

“Well what the hell’s that, then?”

“Like an alp but… tall? No, it was… Shit, she looked strong, anyway.”

“S-she wasn’t… How tall was she? Are you saying she was tall for an alp?

“Yeah, I think she was an inch or two taller than you?”

Church collapsed into a chair, muttering to himself. “R-right. Why would I care? I mean, I’m precisely average height. J-just perfect! I’m not even the shortest of us! Chap’s much shorter than I am! Heh. Right Prudence? I’m fine!

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34c625 No.256340

Fuckin alp faggots

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34c625 No.256342

Oh, god, Master was doing it again. “O-of course! You’re practically gigantic! I-in more than one way, too!”

“I’m not Marshall. The least you can do is not call me fat.”

“Wait, I didn’t mean- I was talking about your c-”

Church stood up, revitalised. “Well, whatever. We’ve triumphed!”

Marshall tried to butt in before the conversation got too far away from him. “Hang on, Church, what was that last comment about me bein’-”

“SOON! Soon the whole school will know our names! Our might!

Everyone gave each other a few glances, watching Church proudly strut around the room to the best of his ability with his cane, continuing what he imagined to be a rousing speech.

“Look at our wall of triumph! We’ve made it so far! One day, every dorm will quake in fear, knowing we’ve already taken from them easily!

A few pleased-sounding murmurs came from the group, mostly from Prudence, and judging their reactions, he continued.

“The jinkos are already done! We’ve shown we’re nothing to be trifled with!”

A small cheer came from the kikimora, making Marshall jump a little.

“Yeah!”

“We’ll continue our momentum further forward!”

“Let’s get them, Master!”

“We’ll topple the powerful until the rest are too afraid to oppose us!”

“We’re the best, Master!”

“NEXT! WE TAKE THE HELLHOUNDS!”

“Yea- OH, GOD, PLEASE MASTER, DON’T DO IT!”

“Yeah! What the hell’re you thinkin’ Church! I ain’t lookin’ to die!”

No! It’ll be easy! So easy! They’re probably already quaking in whatever the hell they use for boots!”

“But… hellhounds not nice. Angry dog ladies on fire! Actually!

“I know, hellhounds have a nasty reputation. However, I’ve planned this raid for a long time, actually.” Church pulled out a folded up parchment from inside his jacket. “This is a list of things we will need, Chap. We’re making this happen in two days, just after midnight. With how much infamy we’ve gathered, they will probably be expecting us. We might be facing a small army of wound-up hellhounds if we do a day raid, so, night is a better option.”

“But Church, I reckon they’d expect a night raid, since they ain’t nocturnal and they would probably figure out that we usually raid when the dorm in question is the least active.”

“Oh, Marshall, you’ve underestimated my wit once again.” Church smirked. “Of course I anticipated the hellhounds to anticipate my actions, but since they aren’t nearly as simple minded as kobolds, they would anticipate my anticipation and expect a day raid! Well, I’m too smart for that, so of course a night raid is the safest bet.”

“So you’re anticipatin’ on them anticipatin’ your… anticipation?” Marshall scratched his head.

“In order to be a genius like me, Marshall, you have to have plans within plans.”

Cheslav looked at the list. “Hot dogs?”

“Yes, among other things. Hellhounds may be guardians of the underworld, but they’re still dogs at heart. Distracting them will be easy.”

“Cheslav is still not sure, won’t angry dog ladies hear us as soon as set foot in dorm?”

“Oh, no need to be so worried, Chap. If you can scare off a dire alp, you can scare off anyone!” Church reassured.

Cheslav pondered for a minute, then his face brightened up. “Right, Cheslav is true man now! True men not afraid of angry dog ladies!

“There’s a good lad! Come on, we have plans to make, and plans within plans to plan in case our plans are outplanned!”

Marshall and Prudence didn’t share Chelsav and Church’s enthusiasm.

“Say, Prudence?” Marshall turned his head to face her.

“Yeah, Marshall?” Prudence nervously wrung her apron.

“For what it’s worth, it was nice knowin’ ya.”

“Y-you mean you’re actually going to… go with them!?

“What choice do I got? I ain’t about to just leave them to their fate, and I don’t think there’s any convincing them to back off now.” Marshall sighed. “I guess it could be worse, y’know.”

Prudence whimpered, she didn’t want to just let them dive headfirst into the wolf’s den, but what could she do?

>___________<

Marshall trailed behind his friends as they strode up the stairs to the hellhound dorm. Church was as confident as always, with a sack of ‘tools’ over his shoulder, and Cheslav had been suckered into not worrying the instant Church had mentioned how he’d scared off Ash.

“I don’t feel right about this, like, someone could be followin’ us already! Like… God damn it, Church, I hear their wombs can burn your dick!” Marshall hissed, trying not to make enough noise to attract attention.

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34c625 No.256349

“Oh, come on, you petulant child. We’ve hit the jinkos. We’ve dealt with the hinezumi. It’s just like a fusion of the two, and besides that, they’ll practically all be asleep anyway! It’s the middle of the night! We go to the laundry room and we’ll be in and out in a few minutes at most.”

“Look, I’m just sayin’ that-”

“Not worry, comrade Marshall, Cheslav will deal with dog ladies if come.” The slav stuck out his chest as he spoke, grinning.

Defeated, Marshall grumbled as they searched the perimeter of the building for any lights or entry points.

>_________________<

“…So then fuckin’ queen bitch pokes me with her tailpussy and I get so pissed that my goddamn test caught fire! I was halfway done the son of a bitch!”

“Why’s Marcy such a cunt, anyway?” The second hellhound took a sip of her beer, belching fire and scorching the wall. One of the hellhounds applauded her.

“She never gets laid, that’s why.” Another hellhound added, knocking back a shot of whiskey.

The laughs of the group were interrupted by a man in a pith helmet rolling in through an open window behind one of the vending machines down the hall, who began looking around wildly.

“…Y’lost, boyo?” One of the assembled girls asked.

“Uh… I…” Church slowly looked around the room. “…T-this isn’t the campus bookstore!”

What? No shit, Dr. Livingstone.”

Church paused only a moment before he laughed loudly. “That’s right, you’ve seen through me, haven’t you? You’re correct! It is I!”

“…Y’gonna, like, give us a name to go with that, or…?”

“Ey, Church! Can we come in, yet?” Marshall yelled from outside.

“Wait, there’s more of you? If you’re looking for the bookstore, it’s probably closed right now, with how late it is. Are you lookin’ for someone in particular?”

Church, preoccupied with Marshall, wasn’t listening. “Well you may as well now, you fucking dolt! We could’ve salvaged this if you’d kept your hick mouth shut!”

The other men clambered in, Cheslav standing proudly beside Church and Marshall peering his head around the corner.

“Yo, it’s fine, we aren’t mad or anything. It’s just, anyone would wonder what a bunch of strangers are doing in the middle of the night snooping around their dorm.”

“You mean… you don’t know who I am?” Church put his hands on his hips, clearly offended.

“Uh, should I?”

“We were all over the campus just two days ago! Even in the papers!”

“…Wait, are you those guys who were advertising for that monster-human alliance club or whatever?”

NO! God, why the hell would we be here, then?”

“Is this… is this a trick question? To make friends?”

“We’re here to strike terror into your hearts! To teach you a valuable lesson about humility!”

“Wait… are you with the church?”

“No, I am Church, you dolt! The Church!”

The hellhound grinned at his impotent rage. “So, like… the Pope?”

“NO, YOU DAMNED…! Look. Me. Church. You, dog. Savage. Me come to hut and- er… well, that’s none of your business.”

“Y’fuckin’ think so? Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot, let’s stop screwing around. I’m Liv, nice to meet ya, Church.” She held out her paw, looking for a handshake. Church scowled, looking back at Marshall.

“Tell Prudence to have a bath ready for me when we get back, will you?” Looking away, he took the hellhound’s paw, shaking for as short a time as possible. “Charmed, I’m absolutely sure.”

“Look, ya don’t have to be an asshole about it, I was just tryin’ to say hi!”

“And I’m insulted you mongrels don’t know ‘Team Good Old Boys’ when they show up on your very doorstep!”

“Wait… I’m so sorry! You’re the strippers for Lily’s birthday, right? HEY, LILY, THOSE BEEFCAKES YA ORDERED ARE HERE! Weeell… two, at least.” She squatted down to whisper to Church. “Look, I know about the whole ‘equal opportunity’ thing, but are you gonna be able to jump out of a cake with the cane?”

“W-what?! I-I mean… uh… really, you’re doubting my ability? Really. My associates and I should just leave, if that’s how you’re planning on treating us.”

“Oh! No, sorry, I mean please do stay.”

“Er, actually, I think we’ll be leaving, thinking about it. W-we even forgot the cake we were supposed to jump out of.”

Church found a hellhound nearly a foot taller than he was suddenly wrapped around his arm. “Aww, c’mon, we already paid the deposit and everything! You have to at least dance, it says so in the contract! Now strip down to your underwear, and follow me.”

“…Shit.”

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34c625 No.256354

“Look, Church, I mean, this isn’t the kind of awful I was expectin’, but ya really fuckin’ did it this time. How the fuck are we even supposed to get outta this?” Marshall asked, starting to panic.

A song with the bass raised so high as to be unrecognisable was put on, and a shout from the crowd went up. “Less talkin’, more dancin’, boys!” A hellhound shouted.

“Oh, yes! Cheslav will show moves he learned in Spetsnaz training camp!” The slav grinned brightly, breaking into a well-rehearsed robot routine. “There’s no limit, come on!”

‘Wait, the hell? Cheslav’s… Oh god, are we actually dancin’? T-two-step, maybe? I don’t have a partner, though. This is it, ain’t it? I’m gonna fuckin’ die and they’re gonna find me half-naked in a puddle of dog drool.’ Marshall thought in a panic.

Church started shaking in rage, eyes down as he stood absolutely still.

“No. No! NO! I refuse to play along with a bunch of smoldering mutts! Let’s see how you like… THIS!” Church yelled, reaching into the bag he had brought along with him and dumping out a tube of tennis balls.

Marshall nearly made a break for it, but only made it a step before he noticed how ineffective it had been. A few of the hellhounds looked indifferently at the balls, rolling across the room. “Did you really have to do that? We’ve gotta clean this up, you know.”

“Shit. Er… Shit. You’re dogs! You’re supposed to- Doesn’t matter. That’s fine. I know you damnable hounds will go for THESE!

He began throwing half-frozen hot dogs into the crowd, cackling loudly as one hellhound nearly had to dive to catch one out of the air. The hellhound in question looked hungrily at the sausage a moment before beginning to fellate it, staring deep into Church’s eyes.

“Oh, I’ll go for a hot dog, alright. Maybe you wanna skip right to the chase, cutie?”

He froze, hand halfway into the bag again. The distractions weren’t working. Maybe he could fight his way out? They’d probably manage to snag Marshall, but- No. That mutt was eyeing him with a lecherous look. He wouldn’t be able to get away from that one, and… He shuddered when he remembered the jinko, putting a hand to his still-sore back. Maybe the gay thing would-

“Oh, god. No! That’s…I-I’ll just… Er… I-I’m singing in the rain…” Church began an awkward impression of Gene Kelly, and Marshall, completely lost, began awkwardly shuffling his feet back and forth.

“Church!” Marshall whispered, “How’re we gettin’ outta this? I, uh… look, I can’t keep this up!”

“Let me think, you oaf! There’s got to be something!” Church hissed.

His mind was racing, desperately grasping at anything, but it was taking almost all of his attention to keep going with this ridiculous dancing. Twirl the cane. The door! How to get to the door? He only had one distraction left in the bag that even might work. Tap section coming, and… twirl, twirl.

‘Dammit, stay on task!’ Maybe if they were distracted by one of them? What if Marshall… No, no, he’s no good… Bow, now the guitar bit… What about Chap? Most of them seemed to have their eyes on his… Well, dancing is hardly important, now, is it? Besides, he looked ridiculous. Tap, tap, kick, flip the cane, and- well, maybe it was a little fun, but really.

“Hey boys, we didn’t hire a musical theater act! How’s poor Lily supposed to have a good birthday if you don’t start shaking it where it matters?”

“What, you savages want something more tribal? That sounds more your style.”

“Mmm, nah. Just work those hips of yours, you’re professionals. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

The guys all looked at one another, things didn’t look good at this point. What could they do but humor the lusty hellhounds? At least this wasn’t going online or anything.

“Hold on, I gotta immortalize this.” One of the hellhounds smirked, pulling out her phone.

“Don’t you dare, you lot of fucking black-skinned bints!

“C’mon, let’s go boys!” The hellhound holding her phone jeered.

Cheslav was the first to react, thrusting his hips forward and slowly inching upstage until his crotch was right up against one of the girl’s noses. The hellhound did a fake swoon, then smacked Cheslav’s tight buttocks. The other hellhounds whooped and cheered for her.

‘How can Cheslav be calm in the middle of all this?’ Marshall thought, using his hips with his awkward shuffling, but lacking any grace.

“This was the best idea ever! All we had to do was make up some bullshit about strippers, and they fell for it!” One of the hellhounds boasted, just loud enough for Church to hear.

“Hold on, bullshit? You conniving cunts!” Church held out his arms, which was enough to get his two comrades to stop their dancing. “That does it, I’m bringing out the big guns.” Church reached into his bag of tricks and pulled out… a dog whistle.

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34c625 No.256362

File: 09666edb38e5b9a⋯.png (551.96 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_hellhound_ho….png)

Church blew the whistle as hard as he could, making most of the hellhounds cringe, covering their ears.

“SPLIT UP, LADS! THEY CAN’T CATCH US ALL!”

To his horror, as the three men ran out the doors, Church looked back to see the entire room get up to follow him.

“Cuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcunt!”

“Get back here, you little piece of shit!”

“YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE, YOU CANINE NEGRESSES!”

Church dug through the rest of his supplies in a panic, dropping dog treats, rubber balls and a number of dollar-store slippers to no avail before pulling out his trump card.

“DON’T MAKE ME USE IT, YOU SATANIC… er… STRUMPETS!

Church held out a plastic water bottle, clearly labelled ‘HOLY WATER,’ unscrewing the cap and waving it menacingly at the dogs. One moved forward and was doused before she could take another step.

Wiping the water out of her eyes, she squinted at Church. “The fuck was that about?”

“B-but… You’re hellhounds! I even had to go out of my way to have a priest bless this!”

“That’s not… Look, I'm not even religious!”

Church quivered a little, throwing a packet of condoms at the crowd of hellhounds before curling into a ball.

“If you think you’re still getting sex out of this, you’re dead fucking wrong.” The hellhounds converged on him, cracking their knuckles.

>_________________<

“Cheslav, you really should at least try to be a little quieter, these hellhounds will turn us into mincemeat if they find us…” Marshall whispered, frantically gesturing to his comrade, who strode boldly ahead of him.

“Be not of worryings, tovarisch. If angry dog ladies come, Cheslav will be of taking care of it.”

Marshall rubbed his temples. “Cheslav, sometimes I wonder if you’re alright in the head. At least recognize that you’re in some danger here.”

“Do not be silly, Cheslav is true man now, will not be scared off by mere-”

“Ooooh, what do we have here?” Came a smooth, alto voice behind them.

Marshall gulped, they were being followed? He had only a second to ponder who before a massive black paw rested on his shoulder, turning both him and Cheslav around.

Without a doubt, it was the tallest, most intimidating hellhound Marshall had ever seen. She looked to be just shy of eight feet, with a solid build and pelvis-crushing hips.

‘Shit, we’re so fucked! We’re FUCKED!!!’ Marshall thought, sweating bullets. Cheslav, however,

stood in front of Marshall, the top of his head not even reaching her breasts.

“Go, Comrade Marshall, true man will be of handling things.”

Marshall, knowing that staying with him wouldn’t change the outcome of this situation one bit, took Cheslav up on his advice.

“Oh, you seem like an interesting one. What’s your name, lil’ fella?” She squatted down so that she was eye level with the courageous slav.

“Cheslav goes by many names, but you will be of calling me true man!” He stomped his foot on the ground.

“Ooooh, okay, Truman! I’m sure you’ll show me who’s boss!” The hellhound patted his head condescendingly, leading the prideful slav away.

“Cheslav scared away dire alp, did you know? Was moment Cheslav grew into true man. Even called babushka afterwards!”

The hellhound leading him away perked up at the mention of ‘dire alp.’ The only one in the school, and possibly the world, wouldn’t normally be scared by such a non-threatening man. There had to be more to it than that, right?

“So eh… angry dog lady! Where are we going?”

Oh, now he’s asking? He seemed to not care just a little while ago. “We’re going somewhere nobody will bother us.”

After an awkward silence, they reached her room. “Come in, Truman, I’m sure you’re dying to teach me a lesson.” The hellhound sauntered in, and flopped back on her bed, beckoning Cheslav to come closer.

“Ah, perfect!” He strode in and headed straight for her underwear drawer.

‘Wow, that was easy! He’s just gonna go along with it? I didn’t even… have to…’ Her thoughts trailed off as she looked up to see him raiding her underwear drawer.

“Uhhh, what are you doing?” She inquired softly.

“Cheslav is getting what he came here for, and leaving of course!”

Her ears drooped. “You came here for underwear? I guess that crazy british guy shouted something about that?…Look, you can have them if you earn them first. Don’t you want to take them as a prize for bedding a hellhound and surviving~?” She sat up on her knees, pulling her spandex shorts down just so that the tuft of black fur above her clit was visible.

Cheslav stared at her for a few seconds, then went back to rummaging through her underwear drawer. “No.”

The hellhound tilted her head, legitimately surprised by his answer. “No?”

“No, came for underwear, nothing more.”

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34c625 No.256365

For once, she was at a loss for what to do. She always had things under control, and was able to bed any man she wanted with a wave of her assets. This man… he was different. Perhaps she shouldn’t underestimate him, that dire alp could have been scared of him for a reason.

“Alright, Truman, here’s the deal.” She slid off the bed and placed both of her paws on Cheslav’s shoulders. “You’re not really in a position where you can negotiate here. Frankly, I don’t even know why you’d want to, but you’re not leaving with my underwear until you at least make me cum once.”

Cheslav looked over his shoulder, the imposing hellhound gripping him tight, to prevent his escape. He was helplessly flipped around to face her, and she leaned in to kiss him. Before their lips met, he blocked her lips with his finger. “No, germs.”

“Ex… excuse me?”

“Dog tongue does not belong in human mouth. Humans sexing dogs? How silly! Have told you story of uncle Dimitri? He tried…”

This hellhound, who had tried to be patient, was now more than a little hurt by his comparing her to an actual dog. “O-okay, first off, dog mouths have less bacteria than a human’s. Second, you’re being rude as fuck. Don’t make me lose my temper, boy.”

“Uncle Dimitri put peanut butter on balls, Uncle Dimitri no longer has balls. Uncle Dimitri… is Aunt Dimitri now. Very awkward at family reuni-”

Cheslav suddenly felt himself being thrown to the ground with great force, the hellhound sitting on his bare chest.

You’re about to lose your balls, you little shit. Do you realize what kind of situation you’re in right now!?”

Cheslav, unable to wiggle free, suddenly realized that maybe he had bitten off more than he could chew. “Errr, C-Cheslav is sorry?”

“Here’s what I think, Truman.” She spat, grinding on top of him aggressively. “You’re going to get to know your Uncle Dimitri’s pain very well..”

“Oy blyat…” Cheslav groaned, oh, how the mighty had fallen.

>______________<

Marshall, creeping down the scorched hallways, felt a pair of eyes on the back of his neck everywhere he went. Whenever he looked around, however, nobody was there. Starting to get nervous, Marshall found the nearest room with an open door, darted in, and slammed it shut.

‘Alright, gotta keep a cool head ‘bout this. I’m not being followed, hellhounds are big and noisy. There’s no way they could stalk me so easily.’

Looking around the room he shut himself in, Marshall was relieved to find it empty. What’s more, there was a dresser right next to the bed. Jackpot.

‘What luck, better get in and out before the owner of this room decides to come back.’

Marshall crept up to the dresser and creaked the top drawer open, seeing a nice, healthy stash of underwear. Reaching inside, Marshall pulled out a handful. It was all going swimmingly until he heard the door burst open.

“Hey, you!” Came a loud, accusatory voice from behind. Marshall froze, then slowly turned around to face…

A hellhound, wearing nothing but a white T-shirt, and a pair of red underwear. Marshall discovered, to his horror, that her crotch sported a large bulge. Of all the hellhounds he could have been caught by… Were hellhounds with dicks even a thing!? He didn’t know, he should have paid more attention in Monster Anatomy 101.

“O-oh shit, I’m sorry!” Marshall apologized, dropping the underwear and raising his hands.

“Sorry for what? Our mommas told us not to be ashamed of our panties, especially since they got such cute patterns n’ all.”

Marshall had to think fast, she didn’t seem overly hostile, and so he had to do everything in his power to keep her from losing her temper. “Er, I see that! Your momma gave you good advice!”

She sauntered closer, jutting her hips forward as if to emphasize her package. She wrapped her arms around Marshall and pulled him down onto her bed, tracing her furry finger around Marshall’s exposed stomach.

Marshall’s heart started to thud in his chest, he couldn’t escape. That grip was easily stronger than a jinko’s, and unlike a jinko, she actually expressed physical interest in him.

As if to validate his words, the hellhound leaned in and sniffed Marshall’s hair. Making a bold move, she slid her paw down Marshall’s boxers and grabbed his dick. With great shame, Marshall could feel his flaccid dong begin to expand with blood. What else do you do when you have soft breasts pressed against your back and a hand wrapped around your shaft?

“Oooh, look! It get’s bigger when I pull on it.” She snickered.

Marshall let out an uncomfortable whine. “Hmmm…”

She leaned in, brushing her lips against his ear. “Sometimes, I pull on it so hard… I rip the skin.”

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34c625 No.256366

Marshall’s heart rate kicked up even further, was this really happening? Is this what today had in store for him all along? Violent, dick-rending handjobs? “Errr, my daddy taught me a way to not rip the skin by using someone else’s mouth.”

The hellhound smirked, then grabbed Marshall’s head and brought it to her bulge. “Will you show me then?”

So it had come to this, he had hoped the opposite would happen, but the universe hated him. What was he going to do? He couldn’t escape, couldn’t say no, and there was nobody to save him. It looked like his luck had finally run out, and the only thing left to do was accept his fate.

“Fuck it, I don’t got much of a choice do I.” Marshall relented, starting to reach for her crotch when she suddenly stopped him.

Reaching into her panties, she pulled out a handful of socks and started to giggle. “Holy shit, the look on your face was PRICELESS!”

Marshall just stared at her now bulgeless crotch, torn between relief and betrayal. “You… gave me a goddamn heart attack.”

“Aaah, I’m sorry. I kinda feel bad, but… not really though.” She patted him on the back, then pulled him up so that he faced her. “I’m still gonna fuck you, though. Don’t worry, I’ll be more gentle than usual.”

‘Fuck.’ Thought Marshall, ‘At least she doesn’t have a dick? Why did I ever think separating from Cheslav was a good idea?’

>_____________<

END OF CHAPTER 10

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34c625 No.256410

>Wake up

>see Panty raiders got updated

Looks like I can put away the rope for another day.

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34c625 No.256416

File: a75b31d1644bc93⋯.gif (59.87 KB,176x198,8:9,Everything _ab25ff4379bed6….gif)

>See Panty Raiders get updated

>They 'defeated' the alp

>They're going up against HELLHOUNDS

>Listening to Church's stupid bullshit and not getting any protection

>mfw

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34c625 No.256418

Well at least church isn't going to be raped tonight. Unless prudence comes in to rescue them with pocket sand

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34c625 No.256428

>binge reading this all at once

my sides have hit warp 10

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34c625 No.256464

>>256418

I doubt it. Remember Hellhounds are specially attracted by weak men they can protect.

So given how Church is curled into a ball, I expect their "weak men are so cute" and protective instinct to kick in as soon as they reach him.

And then he will get raped and probably even more so than the others, since he would be not only rape, but also husband material.

Of course, probably with some tough girl excuse like "We will spare you if you stay here as our rapeboy for a week"

I mean…. the author could have the Hellhounds just beat him up and not have sex with him but it would be too much of a suspension of disbelief to me.

I mean we are talking about one of the most sex crazed and rapey monster girls in the series.

Who also happen to love specifically weakness in men rather than strenght.

I find it very hard to believe they will not want to give Church a good fucking.

It would in fact be an interesting twist if they all go "Hey girls we just found a cute weakling to be the dorms husband!" and the guys have to go back again in a second assault to the Hellhound's territory to rescue him.

Also….. it would be the deadliest challenge yet. Because Hellhounds actually go full violent kill mode when protecting their husbands, so the guys would need extra ammo because if they want to rob Church they will have to face Hellhounds using DEADLY FORCE to keep him in.

> Make this happen writefag!

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34c625 No.256465

>>256366

thank you, jexxy-kyun

>>256410

this made me laugh harder than it should have.

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34c625 No.256471

>>256464

Yes but they also said they wouldn't be raping him. As though they have something worse in mind.

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34c625 No.256476

>>256471

Forgot to sage again darn it

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34c625 No.256482

>>256464

This made me laugh harder than it should have.

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34c625 No.256512

>>256471

Thats what they said. They might have told that to scare him or perhaps they are serious but their waifu and protective instinct will kick in when they get into beating position.

Or maybe they will beat him up THEN rape him.

Or beat him up while they rape him.

It would be completely counter to the Hellhound's character if they do not get sexual with a cowering guy.

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34c625 No.256525

>>256512

Fam I really don't think you realize how cringey you're being right now.

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34c625 No.256529

>>256512

You goddamn fucking Alp, if you don't start saging your posts I will find you and fucking murder you

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34c625 No.256544

File: 70542cad071de70⋯.png (15.94 KB,255x243,85:81,Getout.png)

>>256464

Holy shit, this is some self inserting cranked up to 11.

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34c625 No.256558

File: 0096cfce442cae3⋯.png (26.11 KB,169x148,169:148,IMG_0357.PNG)

>>256464

>>256512

Cool fanfiction, my bros.

But we all know that Church-sama is saving his virginity for Meido Missionary

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34c625 No.256610

File: 970477ceda12a9a⋯.png (441.43 KB,1350x1392,225:232,mfw alps.png)

>>256464

>"Hey girls we just found a cute weakling to be the dorms husband!"

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34c625 No.256736

>>256464

>>>/agnph/

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34c625 No.267795

File: b2addc36afb9d50⋯.jpg (97.13 KB,840x700,6:5,92FDDDE7-AFFF-4A88-B312-31….jpg)

Is this dead?

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34c625 No.268194

>>267795

Yes,but ammit keeps reviving it.

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34c625 No.268513

>>268194

Praise be

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34c625 No.268522

>>268513

Ammit does not look favourably upon those who forget to sage.

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34c625 No.268527

>>268513

You fucking faggot I got so excited for an update right now. Fucking newfags man

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34c625 No.268529

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34c625 No.270149

File: 9f6d76073ae4744⋯.png (603.31 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_Saria_attack.png)

Chapter 11: Tweed boy steps in a puddle of rape

“Oh come on, don’t look so sad. You’re about to get fucked by a Hellhound! Lots of students would die to be in your position right now!” The hellhound on top of Marshall ground her hips gently on his lap, holding him down firmly.

“What if I actually told ya I’m gay?” Marshall lied, holding his arms up defensively.

The hellhound tilted her head, then reached down to squeeze Marshall’s half-chub. “Naaah, you’re enjoying this too much.”

Marshall clicked his tongue, it was worth a shot.

“Since I’m such a nice girl, I’ll even let you pick which hole I use first.” She pulled his member out, then let it rest against her smooth, ashen stomach. Marshall winced, her skin was hot, if that’s how her stomach was, Marshall cringed to think about how hot her insides were.

“H-hey, since yer gonna do this anyway n’ all, can I ask you a question?”

“Mmm, well I don’t see why not. Go ahead, sweetie.”

“I-is it really true y’all can burn someone’s dick with your womb?”

The hellhound rested her chin on her paw, deep in thought. “Mmm, well sometimes, we get a little too excited and it gets really hot inside, but I doubt we could give you anything worse than a first degree burn, though. Besides, that’s only if we cum hard enough. If I can be honest, I don’t expect much from you.”

Marshall, mildly insulted, fidgeted uncomfortably beneath her. “Well, I guess I’m relieved, then?” He pouted.

“Mmm, just be a good boy. Now, which hole did you want it in? You never answered my question.” She sensually rubbed her belly along his tip, and Marshall felt himself throb. As much as he didn’t want this, those hellhounds were damn sexy.

“How about this one!?” Shouted a voice from behind them. Before the hellhound could react, a rubber arrow hit her in the ear.

“Ow! What the hell!?” The hellhound snapped her head around to face her assailant, but got an arrow right in the eye. “Aaaagh FUCK!” She doubled down and grabbed her face.

“C’mon Marshie, let’s go before she gets up, quickly!” From the shadows, Saria stepped forth. She wore a green camouflage jogging bra, a leather bikini, and a shitload of warpaint.

“Saria? What in blazes are you wearing!?”

“No time to explain, just go!”

“Oh no, you two don’t!” The hellhound recovered, then pounced, pinning them both to the floor by the neck.

“Waagh! H-hey, lemme go!” Saria struggled weakly beneath her, but the difference in strength was too great.

“What’s the big idea!? First it’s the three musketeers, and now we got a crazy little elf running around!? Is there a full moon out tonight or something?” She growled, tail twitching angrily behind her.

“W-wait, you got it all wrong! I was just here to rescue him! I don’t have any b-business in here beyond that…” Saria whimpered.

“Saria, you came here just for me?” Marshall asked, genuinely touched by the gesture.

“Y-yeah, Prue told me you were going to the hellhound dorm and we were all worried you wouldn’t make it out, so we all came just in case.”

“We all…?”

“Natasha and Prue are here too.”

“I-I don’t know what to say, Saria. Uh… Thanks, I dunno how much longer I coulda held up there.”

“Hold on a minute.” The hellhound relaxed her grip on both of them. “You’re saying you claim this man, elf?”

Saria blushed. “C-claim!? As in…”

“Is he your mate?”

Saria’s blush deepened. “M-mate? W-well I guess we aren’t technically…

“Yes, I am.” Marshall blurted out.

Saria turned so red she looked more like an oni than an elf. “Eeeeehhh!?”

The hellhound looked down at both of them, and shook her head. “Huh. Uh, sorry, then. I had no idea he was already claimed. But… are you aware that he was here to steal my underwear?”

Saria, still in shock, only gurgled in response.

The hellhound sighed, then climbed off of them. “Alright, whatever. Look, it’s been a long night, your mate for livened it up, but you should all leave.”

Finally, Saria snapped out of her stupor. “O-o-oh yes, of course! Ahaha, we’ll be out of your hair as soon as we can! C-come on, Marshie!”

Marshall breathed a deep sigh of relief, then stood up, leading out the blushing, stuttering elf by her hand.

“Oh wait, before you go…” The hellhound beckoned Saria over.

“Yeah, what is- Ow!” Saria leaned in, only to have her ear flicked by the hellhound.

“That’s for the arrows. Now scram.”

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34c625 No.270153

File: 1e617360286f5b8⋯.png (658.7 KB,1200x1000,6:5,monster_-_TPR_very_angry_N….png)

This time, Saria led Marshall out of the room, scrambling into the hallway.

>______________<

The halls were quiet. A little too quiet for Natasha’s taste. She knew the hellhounds were eyeing Cheslav, she had watched as he danced for them. She was still angry about that. Why didn’t he ever dance for her like that!? Oh well, she would have to chew him out about that when she found him.

Suddenly, she picked up the sound of conversation from behind a door. She leaned in, eavesdropping.

Broken English… it was Cheslav, no doubt! She grabbed the knob and was surprised to find the door unlocked.

Cheslav was pinned down by a hellhound, who looked over at Natasha with utter surprise.

“Eeerrr, you’re kind of interrupting something… By the way, what are you doing here?” Asked the hellhound, finally breaking the silence.

“I know I am. I’m here to pick his sorry ass up.” Natasha glared accusingly at the slav.

“Ah, dead lady! Was hoping you or Comrade Cluckers would come. As you see, Cheslav is in… how you say… pickle?”

“Oh, I’ll get to you later.” Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, then headed towards where they were.

“O-oh, is this gopnik yours? I had no idea…” The hellhound backed off of him.

“Well… no. At least, not officially. You can consider me more of his-”

“Waitwaitwait. So you haven’t claimed him yet?”

Natasha stopped advancing, pressing her fingertips together. “W-well uh, not really, but-”

“Then if you haven’t claimed him, you have no right to stop me from doing what I want with him. Should have done it before he decided to come here.” The hellhound climbed back on top of Cheslav, who had slowly started to crawl towards Natasha.

“Excuse me?” Natasha squatted in front of the hellhound, narrowing her eyes. “I found him first.”

The hellhound glared daggers at Natasha, then stood up in front of her, cracking her knuckles. “You didn’t claim him. You snooze, you lose. Unless you really think you can take me oooOOoOOAAAHH!”

Natasha, with an outstretched glowing hand, tossed the hellhound around like a ragdoll using her magic.

“Aaagh! Fuck! Stop it, oomph!” She hit the wall, sliding down like a pancake before going back to flying about the room.

Cheslav took the opportunity to quietly open the dresser and steal a pair of panties. He ducked to avoid the incoming hellhound, then crawled back over to where he was before.

“What’s wrong? You seemed so confident just a few seconds ago. Aren’t you going to claim him? You snooze, you lose, didn’t you say?”

“FUCKING COW-ACK! COWARD! Let me GO and face me like a REAL WOMA-OWGH! FUCKING CHILL!”

“Chill? I am chill. Who said I’m not chill? Touch my skin, you’ll find it’s fucking cold as shit! You said you wanted to take me on, so we’re doing just that. Go ahead, claim him.” Natasha wore a blank expression, tossing the hellhound around the room with cold indifference.

“Okay, okay! You can have him! Just-OW! Just stop, he’s a dick anyway! ACK! Ffffucking, COOL IT, BITCH!”

Natasha dropped the hellhound head first onto her bed, then grabbed Cheslav’s wrist, and led him out of the room in an iron grip. “We’re going, Cheslav. And when we’re back, you and I are going to have a long talk, mister.

Cheslav sighed, but he was very grateful that Natasha came when she did. He was disappointed with himself. How could he call himself a true man now? A girl had to rescue him, after his own pride had gotten him into this.

>______________<

It wasn’t long before Prudence found Church, or rather, the mass of hellhounds that surrounded him. Those strings of subtly racist slurs could only belong to one person.

“Errmm, excuse me?” Prudence rushed up to one of the hellhounds, tapping her shoulder frantically in hopes of getting them to stop.

One of the hellhounds stopped kicking, and turned to face her. “Hm? Oh, a Kikimora? You’re pretty far from your dorm, so I hope you’re here for a reason.” She rested a hand on her hip.

“Y-yeah, I um… you see, that man you’re kicking, he’s…”

“Oh him? Yeah, he pissed us all off. You wanna join? We weren’t gonna do it for much longer but the noises he makes are hilarious!”

“N-no! He’s with me! Y-you all need to.. Oh god…” Prudence saw that the hellhounds had stopped kicking Church and were starting to focus their attention on her. It was… intimidating to say the least.

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34c625 No.270155

“Hey, is that you, Prudence?” One of the shorter hellhounds in the back piped up. “It’s me, Lauren!”

“O-oh, Lauren? I remember you, sorta!” Prudence could vaguely recall a hellhound being in her culinary arts class, but she never bothered to learn her name.

“Girls, it’s fine. Prudence is cool. By the way, if he’s with you, what was he doing all the way out here?”

“W-well, he uh… you see, he’s…”

The hellhounds waited patiently for her response.

“He’s here because he… got lost?”

“He mentioned that he was trying to get to the campus bookstore, so if he really did get lost, he must be mentally challenged or something.”

“I-I uh… yes! Master is mentally challenged. Yeah, that’s why he and his other mentally challenged friends came here and… um… d-didn’t recognize they were in the wrong place.”

“He also mentioned something about stealing our underwear, and they all said they were strippers.”

“Well… D-do you really expect a mentally challenged person to make sense when stressed out like that? Poor Churchie must have been so confused about what was happening!”

“Oh shit, we’ve been beating up a retard? Fuck, uh, s-sorry…” The hellhounds brought the limp, pride-stripped body of Church forward and gently set him down at Prudence’s feet. “Uh… If there’s ANYTHING we can do to make it up, please say so.”

Prudence rubbed the back of her neck and grinned. “J-just don’t tell anybody we were here and we’re all smiles.”

The hellhounds nodded, then watched as Prudence struggled to bridal-carry Church out of the dorm.

Prudence met Natasha and Saria near the entrance of the dorm, nearly dragging the boys behind them. Once the others were out of earshot, Church muttered, “I swear to God, if I hear the word Churchie come out of your mouth ever again…

“Wait, you all forgot these!” One of the hellhounds opened the door, and tossed out the boys’ clothes.

Saria rushed out and grabbed the pile, instantly identified which ones were Marshall’s, and carried them at the top of the stack so she could smell them all the way back. As soon as they were back, the boys hurriedly dressed themselves again.

>______________<

Church hissed through his teeth in pain. “Good God, can’t you make it hurt less?”

“N-no… Um, I’m sorry, Master, but I just don’t want you to get an infection from all these scratches! Please think of your health?” Prudence said, dabbing a fresh cotton ball into a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

“Look, I’m fin- ow! I don’t need this! I’m in perfect health.”

The kikimora looked down at him. He was definitely not alright. He was covered in bruises and scratches, and he was so exhausted, he hadn’t even begun to complain that she was resting his head on her lap. All he had to do was roll over, and then- ahem.

Please just let me do this for you, Master? You got hurt and… I-I’m worried about you!”

Church muttered something about ‘insufferable women,’ but didn’t say anything else, so Prudence carried on.

“Oh! I was thinking… Would you like a massage, too, when we’re done? It might help… i-if you wanted me to…”

Across the room, Saria stood up in delight. “See? Prue has the right idea! Do you want me to do you, Marshie?”

“You’re really gonna call me that, now?”

She smiled brightly and pushed up her glasses. “Yep!”

“Welp. …Yeah, sure, I could go for a back rub right now.”

“M-maybe you could take off your shirt for me? Eheh…”

Marshall turned around and gave her a look. “…Say, what’re you wearin’, anyway?”

“Oh, yeah! I was going to wear my ranger outfit so I looked good rescuing you, but I made a mess in- um… I mean on it, so it’s out for cleaning. I just did my best at recreating it with what I had left in my closet… Maybe I could show it to you in private sometime? I’ve got a few other things I’d like you to see me in~”

“WELP. Y’know, I really do appreciate you savin’ me like that, Saria. And this back rub? Mmm. It’s great, ain’t it? In fact, maybe you could do my shoulders, too! You’ve been gettin’ awfully low down into my back. ‘Specially for a room full of people.”

Suddenly, all eyes were on Natasha as she banged her fist against the wall in frustration.

“H-how could you? Just because you like dancing doesn’t mean you should! It should only be for me!”

“Am sorry, Natasha, did not mean to upset… D-did not think you were watching!”

Watching? It doesn’t matter if I am or not! I should have left you to those dogs if you like them so much!”

“No, no! Do not want to play with dog! Have told you story of uncle Dimitri?”

“I-I don’t want to hear about your stupid uncle! You were just going to let that… hussy take you for herself!”

“Was nothing could do… Hellhounds not nice. Also strong, like bear. Except bear with tits, and angry vagina.”

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34c625 No.270157

>Samurai Jack premiere and Panty Raiders update on the same day

What a time to be alive.

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34c625 No.270158

“W-well, I’m stronger! Did you see me take her out?”

“Yes… Thank you for of saving Cheslav.”

“J-just promise not to do it again, alright?”

Cheslav hung his head. “Promise.”

Saria perked up a little, getting her hand slapped away as she tried to slip it up Marshall’s shirt. “Y-yeah, Marshie! We worry about you guys! I mean, it was pretty cute, seeing you try to dance for those girls, but… Um, we were talking, and… M-maybe you should stop the raids?”

All eyes turned to Church, who was visibly fuming at the suggestion. He raised an accusing finger, but was cut off by Prudence before he could launch into a tirade.

“UM! Maybe not stop, um, p-per se, but… s-slow down? I know it’s important to you, Master, but… w-well… we could try to work out a way for it to be safe for you?!”

MY PEOPLE DIDN’T FIND AND COLONISE THIS MISERABLE COUNTRY ON THE BACK OF ‘SAFETY,’ WOMAN! THE ZULU WEREN’T CRUSHED ‘CAUTIOUSLY!’ AUDACES FORTUNA FUCKING IUVAT!”

“I-I don’t know what that means, but, uh, I mean… M-Marshie, back me up! You could, uh, like… take them into your service and get their panties that way! Like when Prue gave-” Saria turned white, covering her mouth with her hands.

Church stomped over to the elf, looking her dead in the eye. “When Prudence what?'”

“N-uh-n-nothing, Churchie- I mean, uh, Church! Sir!” Saria squeaked as Church grabbed her shoulder.

“Oh, no, no. I think you were saying something very important.”

Marshall could see Prudence shaking from across the room. Her eyes looked hollow, and he could tell she was about to do something ridiculous again. He needed to get Church off the topic.

“SOOOOO… Uh, how about that massage, Saria? I, uh… I changed my mind ‘bout it. Anyway, we’ll consider your suggestion. Hey! Uh, Church, who’re we hittin’ next?”

“Shut up, Marshall. Your girlfriend and I are talking. Elf. What did you say?”

“Uh… I… uh…”

“MASTER!”

Prudence had stood up, her fists clenched. She looked down when her Master had looked at her. She couldn’t just let something bad happen to Saria because of her… She deserved all the delici- horrible punishments he could think up.

He had been bound to find out eventually. In fact, she was surprised he hadn’t seen right through her when he noticed for the first time. She was in real trouble now. All she could do was confess and try to argue for herself. Hopefully he’d still let her wear- No, no, no. She needed to focus. Everyone was staring at her, and she was pretty sure they’d been doing it for quite a while now. She lifted her head just enough to make eye contact with Master.

“I-IT WAS…” Oh, no, that was too loud. “…m-me…”

No! That was a whisper. She tried again, her voice a little shaky from trying to control her volume.

“P-please don’t yell at Saria, Master… I… w-well, that is… you’d all gone back home after drinking so much after the apsara raid, and you’d left your glass half-full… I-I promise I didn’t lick it or anything weird! A-and if I did, I wouldn’t have been thinking of- Um, I-I just wanted to try how it tasted, and I know you said I shouldn’t, but I thought it was just a little sip, and…”

“Get on with it, Prudence.”

“I-I… that is… I was feeling a little woozy afterwards and… I wouldn’t have done it normally, Master! It’s just… Well… I-I might have p-putmyownpantiesupforyouMaster?!”

“And why, pray tell, did you see fit to lie to me, Prudence?”

“W-well, um… I-I didn’t say they weren’t mine, Master…”

“You KNOW that wall is for legitimate conquest over our enemies!”

“W-well… I’d say you conquered me, Master~” Prudence said, trying to sound seductive.

“Will you shut your damned mouth? Do you have any idea of what’s going to be done with you now?”

Prudence shuddered, her mind full of the possibilities. Was he going to spank her? Would she not be allowed to own panties any more? Maybe he would take her right in front of everyone and then she’d have to wear a chastity belt and only Master would have the key and he’d only unlock it when he wanted to use her and there’d be vibrators and he’d have a remote and she’d be in class and then she’d have to leave to hide in the bathroom and he’d be there and-

She obediently bent herself over the table, trying not to let her wagging tail lift her skirt too much in front of everyone. Church walked up behind her, and-

“We’re going to fix your damned mistake. We’re doing it now.

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34c625 No.270164

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! Her breathing was heavy when she hazarded the question. “D-ah-doing w-what, Master~?”

“The raid, you idiot. I won’t have an unearned trophy sitting on my wall.”

“B-but… M-Master… the p-puni-”

“Oh, shut up and stand properly. Nobody here wants to see your underwear. Speaking of…” Church marched over to the Wall of Triumph and took down the kikimora frame.

Church’s eyes squinted as soon as he opened the glass. “Oh, god. These are unmistakably yours. They reek of… whatever it is you manage to get all over yourself so often.”

Saria bit her lip, furiously trying not to laugh, eventually giving up and trying to stifle her giggling with Marshall’s shirt.

“By the way, have you been dumping your laundry outside my window? I keep smelling whatever-it-is outside in the evenings, when I get out of the shower.”

“N-NO! W-why would I do that, Master?” Church used a pen to pick up the black-and-white frilled panties and toss them toward Prudence.

“Forget all that. YOU.” He pointed the pen accusingly at Marshall. “You knew something, didn’t you?”

“Look, Church, it weren’t none of my business, is all.”

“I knew it, you damned traitor. When did you find out?”

“Well, I was pretty sure after that raid with the vampires, so I-”

“Oh, you liar. I bet you were colluding with her the whole time, weren’t you?”

“What? Why would I do that?”

“Shirking duty, treason, rebellion. It’s all you can expect from a damned Yankee.

“Look, I ain’t a yankee, I’m from the south, there’s a-”

“None of that matters any more. Now come on, Prudence, we have a proper raid to put on. I don’t care about the rest of you, but you’ll be joining us, Judas.

Saria jumped up in panic. “Wait, so soon?! Shouldn’t you- I mean, Marshie’s been through a lot tonight! A-and you haven’t recovered either!”

“Oh, what are they going to do, rape me? They wouldn’t have the bloody nerve. So unless they’re planning on dusting me to death, we’re carrying on, regardless.”

Natasha piped up, finally fed up with Church. “You need to take this more seriously! Something could happen! If you’re that set on going, we’re not-”

“We come.” Cheslav said, flatly.

“What? But… Cheslav, it’s dangerous!

“We come. Is… eeh… honourable thing.”

“F-fine… but… does it have to be tonight? We could wait until-”

“We’re doing it now and that’s final!” Church yelled, limping his way towards the door with as much of a stomp as he could muster.

“W-wait, Master! Don’t you think… Shouldn’t we get ready for it? That is… um, i-it will be a real raid, after all!” Prudence said, flailing in a panic.

“Nonsense, woman. It’ll be nothing compared to that debacle we just went through. We’ll be in and out faster than an American at a salad bar.”

“Hey, fuck you, Church. I know how to make a salad now.” Marshall said, too exhausted to get angry.

“Come on, Master! Why don’t you just go back for the night, I’ll tuck you in and-”

SIT.” Church yelled, pointing to the ground. Before she could even think about what she was doing, Prudence found herself kneeling on the ground in front of him. Was he going to… i-in front of everyone?!

“See? The kikimora is a simple creature. Now, let’s get moving, shall we? We have a mistake to correct.” He stated, glaring at the kikimora in question.

Marshall groaned at having to go out again. At least he didn’t get the beating Church did. Wait, why the hell was Prudence on her phone?

>_____________<

As Church exhaustedly marched up the stairs to the kikimora dorm, he found it… empty? There was usually at least one girl at the front door excitedly greeting visitors, but the entrance was mysteriously devoid of anyone. The sun was beginning to come up, and at this time of day, the dorm was usually thick with girls in the black-and-white uniforms for the culinary academy.

Church stopped abruptly and was nearly bowled over by Marshall. He squinted at Prudence, then pointed an accusing finger. “If this is another one of your bloody tricks, there’s going to be unpleasant consequences, you feathery twit.”

Oh no. Ohnoohnoohno. He didn’t…? Prudence tried to keep up appearances, but she nearly squirmed in agony. He was really mad this time… But what else could she have done? “I-I’m not sure what you mean. I think the girls went out to do something as a group, but I turned them down, because, well… Y-you’ll always come first, Master! I knew I needed to protect you from those… those animals.”

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34c625 No.270172

Church scoffed, then looked away. “Fine. I’ll admit you did well, but you’d do just as well to remember you’re on thin ice, girl.”

“Y-yes Master…”

“Now then,” he said, turning to the rest of the group, “this could well be a trap, with how quiet it is. Split into pairs and search the wings. We’ll meet here again in ten minutes.”

Ten minutes later…

Cheslav and Natasha walked back to the main hall, only to find the rest of the group already gathered here. Church shook his head. “No good for us. Did you find anything?”

“Eh, no, all doors locked.”

Dammit! Who the hell even locks their door? Can you even remember a time where there wasn’t at least someone who forgot?”

“Ah, comrade Church, Cheslav could pick lock on-”

“NO!” Prudence shouted, much louder than she had intended. “I-I mean… s-sorry… Um, there’s one more area we haven’t checked, right? There must be something there…”

“And is there something you’ve forgotten to tell us, Prudence?” Church asked.

“Oh, go easy on her, will you?” Natasha spat, noticing that the kikimora looked like she was about to cry.

“It’s her fault we’re here in the first place! If she hadn’t decided to compromise our mission, we wouldn’t need to be getting into this in the first place! Besides, they smelt rancid!

Prudence’s lip quivered and she looked down in shame. Church looked a little taken aback at her reaction, turning away and scratching his head.

“Er, look, it doesn’t matter. Let’s get this done and go home.”

The group turned down the final hall, but were presented with an area even bigger than the previous wings.

“Oh, god. We’re gonna be here all… uh… I’m fuckin’ tired Church.” Marshall complained, holding his head.

“Stop complaining and start checking doors, would you? I’m no more pleased than you are.”

Several fruitless minutes passed, with nothing but door after locked door to show for it. Marshall banged his head in frustration against the last door he had checked. He was about to speak up when someone patted him on the arm. “What? Didja find- oh.”

Prudence had gotten a little too close to him, and the smack was just her idly wagging tail. He looked at the progress of everyone else, only slightly ahead of him. But… did he imagine it? When Church moved onto the next door, Prudence’s tail sped up a little as she stared intently at him. When he moved to the next door, she did it again, Marshall was sure this time.

“Hey, Prudence? Y’got a sec?”

“W-what?”

“Come with me, would ya?”

Just as he suspected, her tail-wagging got faster and faster as he moved her down the hall. She was nearly vibrating near the middle, but it slowed a bit after that.

“Arrite… now, let’s see…”

“S-see what? What are you doing, Marshall?”

“Oh, nothin’. Looks like… Yeah, left side.”

Marshall shuffled her around some more, and Prudence finally realised what she was doing, but by the time she grabbed her tail, it was too late.

“So, it’s this one, right?” Marshall asked.

“I-I don’t know what you-”

He leaned down a little to meet her eyes. “Look, I don’t care if it was a setup or not. Hell, even Church probably knows, and he’s just too stubborn to admit it. I just wanna get back home and in bed.”

“But…”

“Look, d’you have somethin’, uh, special planned for him?”

“Well, he’s all hurt and weak, so…”

“So you’re goin’ for it? Damn, I didn’t think you had it in you, but alright.” Marshall patted her on the shoulder.

“Wait, I didn’t mean-” Prudence was cut off by Marshall yelling for the others to come over.

As he had expected, the door was unlocked, and Marshall pushed it open, revealing an immaculate room in a mostly-plain style with a few little touches, like a vase of flowers, a bookshelf and a big pillow tucked in under the covers of the bed, with a picture of… is that Church?

Prudence’s face turned a deathly shade of white as she dashed into the room, nearly flailing in her panic to get the pillow shoved into the laundry-filled closet before she laid a pair of underwear out on the bed, barely making it out before Church and the others got to the door.

“Well? It’s open?” Church asked.

“Yep. I figure we should get a couple people in there, just in case, then the rest of us can keep watch outside.”

“…Well, I suppose that’s reasonable. Go ahead, Marshall.”

“Ooooh, no you don’t. Look, this is your little pet project of the night, so you can go get all the glory yourself. Why don’t y’bring Prudence with you? She’s dyin’ to apologise, y’know.”

Church gave him a foul look, but didn’t say anything, hobbling into the room as the kikimora scurried in after him. The door had barely even been shut a moment before Saria had a pointed ear to the door.

“Do you think she’s gonna do it, Marshall?!” The elf whispered excitedly.

Marshall only gave Saria a sly grin.

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34c625 No.270175

File: f508f459b54984e⋯.png (28.84 KB,234x347,234:347,4c3.png)

>Prudence about to go full yan on the britbong

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34c625 No.270177

>>270175

He gonna git an husbando'd.

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34c625 No.270178

File: 9c8a21c3e3ba3b7⋯.png (179.77 KB,560x560,1:1,eJwdyEEOwiAQAMC_cBcoWsC-oj….png)

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34c625 No.270181

“Um, M-Master…”

“Oh, don’t you ‘Master’ me. Get to looking, will you?”

“Alright, but… I-I think there’s some right here?” Prudence said, holding up the pair from the bed.

“Don’t be ridiculous! For all we know, it’s a trap. Or worse, dirty. I’d put those down, health hazard and all.”

“A-alright…” Prudence’s ears drooped. That was her best pair, besides the ones she’d already given up… Well, there wasn’t anything she could do about it. W-well, at least it was a little exciting, thinking about him rifling through all of her underwear and picking out his favourite… Maybe she could get some-

“WAIT, MASTER, STOP!”

“What is it, you inconsolable woman?”

‘Oh no.’ He was leaning right on her desk, and she’d forgotten to put her diary away! She couldn’t risk him picking it up and reading day after day of sex dreams, detailed accounts of his schedule, and… that. She be ruined if he ever found out about that!

“U-um… maybe you should steer clear of that desk… If the panties might be trapped, I don’t like the look of that either…”

“Ah, now you’re finally thinking with your head. I don’t see a dresser anywhere, so they might be hidden, as well. Keep your eyes open.”

“Y-yes Master!” Thank god. Crisis averted. But how was she going to direct him now? Her panties weren’t hidden, per se, but they were in a drawer under the bed, and… Prudence wanted to smack herself for getting them, now. They had seemed so space-efficient at the time, but now the opportunity of a lifetime might get wasted! And besides that- OHGODWHATISMASTERDOING?!

“W-what are you looking at?! M-Master?!”

“Hmm? Oh, well, if you’re planning on hiding something, you might put it behind the books on the shelf, wouldn’t you? I’m going to take a little-”

Nonononononononononono! Stupid, stupid Master! You hide things under the bed, first and foremost! Not on the shelf! Please, please don’t see that binder. W-wait, would the word ‘fanfic’ even mean anything to him? Maybe he wouldn’t even look inside! It’s not as if she wasn’t proud of what she did, but… Oh, no, what would Master think if he saw one of the ones with ChurchMallow in them?! He’d hate her forever and ever and ever and ever and ever! H-he was already mad! He said she was on thin ice, and everyone else was mad that they had to come and what if he hired that shoggoth?! She couldn’t risk it! Even if it just fell down and opened… ‘Well, it’s not as if… even… no, there’s too many! Even if it’s not one of the really bad ones, they’re still mostly about him, and if he saw them…’

“PLEASE MASTER! Um, p-please let your humble maid serve you! You’re hurt! And besides, I’ll be able to check behind the books a little more easily!”

Church narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re being awfully pushy for a servant, Prudence.”

Her face blanched. She dropped to her knees and bent over, not quite managing to get her mouth to his shoe before he turned and walked off. “I-I’m sorry, Master… I just… I want to protect you. M-maybe we could just go back? Please let me prove I lo- I mean, I’m loyal to you!”

“That’s quite unnecessary. And I believe you showed your loyalty when you lied to me.”

“I was trying to do it for you! I-I’m sorry I hurt you, Master… Please, you can punish me any way you want… E-even right here, if it would make you happy…”

“This is not the time to discuss this, Prudence. Get on your feet and shut your mouth before I make you.”

She had to work hard to cover up her blush. M-make her?! She wondered… should she push her luck with him? What if… All sorts of dirty visions and fantasies filled her head. What could he mean by ‘make’?

“Have you checked the closet yet? Oh, never mind, I’ll take another look anyway.”

Time stood still for Prudence. Inside that very closet was not only her custom-made dakimakura, but as much of Church’s underwear as she had been able to snag for herself, and it wasn’t all from the raid on their dorms from Ash, either. Her life was over. She wasn’t sure whether to run away, vomit or faint. She finally decided on what to do and the world went dark.

From outside, the whole group could hear Church shouting.

>_________<

Prudence felt dizzy, but she always did when she fainted. She was usually able to hold herself at least sort-of together when Master was around, but… Oh, no, did he look in- OH GOD NO!

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34c625 No.270182

File: a3c77a3b4230aba⋯.png (674.53 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_captured_Chu….png)

File: 257858d66595136⋯.png (209.72 KB,560x560,1:1,eJwFwUsKwyAQANC7uK-fqVGTU4….png)

Master was sitting on her chair, right in front of her. But he was… her breath seemed to catch in her throat. Someone had… Well, Master was tied to the chair and was squirming around angrily. She got distracted for a second by how good he looked, sitting there. He was struggling fruitlessly against the knots, and no matter how angry he might have looked, she could tell he was starting to panic. Boy, did that green rope look really good on him with that brown vest and… Ah, his face. He was starting to blush a little, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop staring… She stared at his lips a while before she realised they were moving.

“I-I’m sorry, what, Master?”

“ARE YOU QUITE FUCKING DONE?!”

“D-done what?” Prudence still felt a little woozy, and it seemed like staring at Master wasn’t helping. She usually tried to do it when he wasn’t paying attention, but…

“Have you lost your fucking mind?! You jump on me like a god damned animal for no sodding reason, restrain me in the middle of enemy territory, and you have the bloody nerve to ask what I’m talking about?!” Church rocked back and forth on the chair in impotent rage.

“B-but I…” Come to think of it, wasn’t that the rope she had borrowed from Saria? She hadn’t felt this strange since the shoggoth- oh no. “I-I didn’t mean to, Master! It just… um… it wasn’t my fault! Please don’t be mad?!”

Don’t be fucking mad?! I found out you’ve put your own underwear up on the wall in some kind of ridiculous show of vanity, you’ve obviously made some kind of arrangements with the enemy, led me alone into a room with your name on the door like I wouldn’t notice, and now you’ve kidnapped me with obviously questionable plans! AND THAT’S JUST TODAY!

The kikimora dashed to his side, clutching at his shirt. “I’d never hurt you, Master! It’s just… you… you can’t see what’s in there, okay?”

“MARSHALL! MARSHALL, GET IN HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW! I’M GOING TO BE FUCKING RAPED, YOU CLOD!”

“What? Sorry, Church, I’m, uh… up to my elbows in kikis out here! Feisty little buggers are hard to fight off!”

Marshall looked at a few of the kikimoras huddled against the door, listening in with Saria. Well, he wasn’t lying, exactly, just not telling the whole truth. He was about to feel bad about it, but then he remembered exactly who was inside that room. He took a sip of the iced tea one of the girls had offered him.

‘That’s for the Dhampirs, asshole.’ He couldn’t hold back a grin when he looked over to Natasha. “Y’wanna get outta- aw, come on, guys.”

Cheslav and Natasha were already halfway out of the building by the time Marshall looked over to them. “Is time for bed hours ago, comrade Marshall. We go home now.”

Saria stood up and dusted off her pants. “Tell me how it goes, Prue! I want all the juicy details!”

“W-what?! I’m not-! Saria, wait!” Prudence yelled back, but the remnants of the group had already retreated out of earshot.

>__________<

Church and Prudence suddenly found themselves in a very quiet room. Blushing, she glanced over at him, then quickly away again.

“S-so, um…”

“Oh, now you’re going to play shy?”

“I-I didn’t mean to… It wasn’t supposed to be like this!”

“Oh, shall we just start over again, then? Why don’t you just scootch me over to the door and we’ll pretend none of this ever happened. Or are you unhappy with how you’ve bound me up to have your perverse way with me?”

“No! I didn’t want to… I’m not going to do anything like that to you, I promise!”

“Well then, why the hell have you done this? What were you thinking? Were you thinking?”

Prudence began to tear up, wringing her skirt.

“Are you really going to cry now? After all this? For god’s sake, you’ve come this far, so why don’t you just hurry up and finish the damn job already?”

W-what? Master was saying… But if she raped him, he’d hate her! She hesitated another moment. But… It was an order… Would he hate her if she didn’t? She felt paralyzed. H-he might even get rid of her if she messed this up! She tried to think, but… Well, she didn’t want to force herself on him. Well, too much. I-it wasn’t supposed to be like this! They were supposed to cuddle together on a warm couch and then Master would lean over and… It didn’t matter now. Did anything matter any more? She couldn’t tell. Master did tell her to do it, even if she wasn’t sure he meant it. He was going to hate her either way…

‘T-That’s right, isn’t it? But if there’s nothing I can do… I… I might as well do it!’

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34c625 No.270204

>>270182

Don't leave us hanging man…

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34c625 No.270210

She hesitantly crawled onto his lap, sitting down to face him. Her heart fluttered, being this close to his face… A-and she could do anything to him! She began to panic again when she realised she had no plan on what to do. When should she take his clothes off? Should she leave his tie on or get him completely naked? Oh, no, when should she get undressed? No, no, she was getting ahead of herself. How should she start? Assert her dominance? Maybe she should be more tender… after all, she did still want it to be romantic…

She moved her face as close to Church as she could, but he turned his head away, wincing. She could hear his breathing, now, a little unsteady. He stopped entirely in anticipation as she moved closer, pressing her lips to his cheek, then looking away, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. She had finally kissed Master! Oh, it was-

“Are you toying with me now, woman?”

“What? I- no, that was just… P-please, Master, just…”

“Just what? You’re trying to rape me!”

S-she was, wasn’t she? There he was, right underneath her. He couldn’t do anything about it, either… Should she try to be more…?

Prudence looked away, coughed, then came back with a smile that looked more unsure than confident and alluring. She put a finger under Church’s chin and turned his face towards herself. “T-that’s right, isn’t it? You’re all mine, a-and you can’t stop me from doing anything I want with you! You’re my own personal… s-sl… um… slut, Mast- I-I mean slave!

“Oh, god. You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”

“S-shut up! A big… idiot like you wouldn’t understand the plans of your… oh, um…” Prudence had to pause a moment. Her heart felt like it was going to jump out of her chest. Could she say it? I-it was almost heresy to say it! But… She leaned in towards him so she didn’t have to do more than whisper it. “Your… M-Mistress.

“Are you mocking m-” Church was cut off when the kikimora grabbed his face and tried to go in for a kiss, but she had been a little too zealous, and made a squeak of surprise when she accidentally hit her head against his.

“O-oww…”

“S-sorry! I’m so sorry Master, oh god, let me just…” Prudence frantically patted Church’s head in an attempt to soothe his pain. Church gritted his teeth, but remained silent.

Prudence tilted his head back, moving so slowly that she could barely stand the anticipation. He looked a little bit upset, but he didn’t try to struggle. She was going to do it! After all this time!

She felt like her heart was going to explode when their lips finally touched. Once they made contact, her tail started to wag furiously, and she couldn’t help but let out a small whine of excitement. Finally, she kissed him! She kissed Master! What’s more, Master wasn’t struggling to get out of her grasp any more, so maybe she was doing something right? She had to… to do more! When else would she get a golden opportunity like this?

Prudence tried to calm her tail, then reached out to cup Church’s… modestly sized package in her hand. To her surprise, he was actually starting to get slightly erect in her grasp. She figured that he must at least enjoy this to some extent, but being this quiet and accepting was very uncharacteristic of him.

“Uhhh, A-are you okay, M-Master? You’ve been awfully quiet…”

Church narrowed his eyes at her. “I told you to finish the job, didn’t I? Just… h-hurry up and get on with it, I don’t even care anymore.”

Prudence’s lip quivered, she was fired, wasn’t she? Master wouldn’t let her stick around after this. She almost didn’t want to do it now, but if this really was the last time Master would see her, she might as well obey his last order. She sheepishly untied the knots keeping Church from standing and led him to her bed.

With newfound resolve, Prudence awkwardly tugged Church’s union jack-print boxers off, and motioned for him to lie down. Church slowly leaned back, not saying a word to her. He figured that if he really was going to finally lose his well-guarded virginity, Prudence wasn’t the worst candidate. That said, she was still going to pay dearly for this.

Prudence reached under her skirt, pulling her panties to the side so her dripping labia was exposed. She trembled as she reached for his cock, still unable to believe that she was here, about to actually do it with her Master. She was so excited, in fact, that she aligned herself with his tip before he was fully erect and tried to plunge down on top of him.

“Agh! It’s not going to work like this, you daft woman! And they say men never consider foreplay.” Church snapped, breaking the silence.

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34c625 No.270211

“S-sorry Master…” Prudence didn’t want to just lazily rub him until he was ready, that would take too long. She shifted down until her head was level with his crotch, and grabbed his cock before leaning in to kiss it.

The scent of Master hit her like a freight train, smelling his clothes was one thing, but actually smelling… it, that was on a whole new level. She could feel a trickle of liquid run down her thigh, and she ground her legs together.

She had to, needed to have more of this.

Prudence noticed that her saliva had gotten thicker, and had to swallow some of it before she started drooling. She held Church’s cock upright and sucked the tip into her mouth, and then, using a technique that she had learned from one of her favorite fan fictions, swirled her tongue around it. Her heart started to beat faster when she noticed he was starting to throb in her mouth. It was working, she was actually making him harder! She kept at it, occasionally taking in more of his shaft and massaging the bottom of it with her tongue, and within no time, Church was fully hard and ready to go.

Prudence, eager to begin, crawled back up so that her lower lips were once again aligned with his tip. With her natural lubricant and her saliva, she once again brought her hips down on top of him, and this time, he successfully slid in.

“O-ow, fuck!” Prudence hissed, she heard that a woman’s first time hurt, but that actually stung.

“Don’t you bloody curse!” Church snapped. “That’s not very befitting of a maid or a lady, is it?”

“Sorry, M-Master…” Prudence rested her hands on his shoulders, then started to lower herself even further onto his shaft. It hurt at first, but slowly, the pain dissipated, and she found herself starting to feel warm and tingly inside. She savored the feeling, which was getting increasingly better, and squeezed him inside of her.

Church let out a moan, the first one he’d made this entire time, and Prudence couldn’t stop her tail from wagging. After letting herself get used to the feeling of being filled, she raised her hips, and then slowly slid back down on top of him. Another small jolt of pain shot through her body, but it was mostly eclipsed by the pleasure of having Master inside her.

Soon enough, she had a steady rhythm, and even started to get creative by grabbing Master’s hands and resting them on her breasts. He squeezed them, which surprised her, since his participation thus far had been minimal at best. Prudence also switched it up by occasionally grinding herself against his lap, which also elicited a moan from him.

“Mmm… oh! Master!” She sighed, grabbing the front of his shirt and starting to really hammer onto his lap. Church’s breathing quickened, and Prudence knew that he was getting close. Luckily for her, she was too.

Prudence let out a long, drawn out moan as she slammed her hips against his, shuddering in orgasm while she felt the unmistakable jet of hot semen cascade into her womb. Trembling excitedly, Prudence held Church tightly in her arms, feeling the high of her orgasm subside and drift off into sleepiness. Church sighed in resignation, though he would never admit it, that had felt really good. He resolved himself to sleep, letting Prudence use him as a pillow.

>_____________<

“Why do you even put up with them, anyway?” Natasha asked.

“Who? Comrade Church and Prudence?” Cheslav answered.

“Well, yeah, I guess, but the others, too.”

“Are friends, only make sense.”

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34c625 No.270212

They walked in silence for a while. Natasha sighed. She wasn’t getting anywhere. Again. Maybe she should just rephrase it?

“But, I mean, why are you still friends with them, though? Don’t they put you through a lot?”

“Is… hard to explain. Can always trust Marshall, and Prudence is… strange, but good person. Church… eh… when first met, I was stranger with no friend. Everyone think Cheslav is too strange to talk to, but Church does not care. Maybe he is not best person sometimes, but… Is always fun with friends. Do not feel alone any more.” Cheslav found himself smiling. “Besides, life would be boring without comrades, da?”

Natasha looked down, deep in thought. Cheslav was a more complex man than she first thought. “I suppose so, but for the record, I would have lost patience with them long ago.”

“Cheslav has come close many times.”

Natasha nodded, then remembered a question that had been at the back of her mind for a while. This wouldn’t be easy to talk about, but now was as good of a time as she could hope for. “H-hey, Cheslav!”

“Da?”

“What exactly…” She took a deep breath. “…are we? I mean, we’ve gone on a date, and talked about going on another one but… with what happened back there, I’m wondering if that date even mattered to you. Like, do you understand what I’m trying to say here?”

Cheslav paused, deep in thought. “How does Cheslav put this… Cheslav does like Natasha, is nice to him and doesn’t mind that Cheslav can barely speak English.”

Natasha brightened up upon hearing those reassuring words. “R-really?”

“Da, but Natasha must understand, Cheslav has never… eh, what is phrase… had girlfriend. In fact, Cheslav has no clue how to flirt, let alone be boyfriend.”

Natasha paused, she hadn’t even considered the language barrier before. Was she being super inconsiderate this whole time? T-that’s not nobility! “O-oh, forgive me Cheslav. I didn’t even think that-”

She was interrupted when Cheslav grabbed her hand.

“Cheslav? What are you-”

“Shhh, dead lady need not worry. Cheslav is willing to give this try. Please, meet Cheslav at his house tomorrow. Will cook caviar and blin for, just like at fancy restaurant.”

Natasha felt her undead cheeks somehow flush a deep purple, this was the first time Cheslav actually made an advance on her. What would nobility do? She considered pouncing him and taking him right there, but that sounded too barbaric. Should she squeeze his hand tighter? No, what if she was too rough? Should she pull her hand away and play hard to get? No, what if he got the wrong idea? Her mind wandered back to just pouncing him, she really, really wanted to do that. Still, she kept her composure, and Cheslav remained un-pounced.

After Cheslav finished walking Natasha back to her dorm, they went their separate ways. Natasha needed an ice cold bath after that. That hand holding had been intense.

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34c625 No.270222

The Next Day…

Saria met up with Marshall outside the clubhouse. As she walked in with him, she found a strange scene. Church was sitting quietly in the corner, his head in his hands. Prudence poked her head out of the kitchen, skittering over to them nervously.

“Oh, um… h-hi, guys… How are you? Aha…”

“Hey Prudence. Uh… what’s up with Church?” Marshall asked.

“I-I don’t know… aha… he’s just been, um… feeling off since last night…”

Saria grinned, elbowing Prudence. “Sooo… Is it ‘cause you did something… fun with him?”

“W-well… Um… y-yes.” Prudence nearly whispered.

“That’s great!” Saria practically skipped over to Church, rubbing his shoulder. “So how was she, tiger?

Church said nothing, but started muttering and drew his legs up to his chest. Saria couldn’t catch much, but she did hear “jinko,” “can’t even trust my own men! Women!”, “Judas!” and “f-fucking r-r-rapists…”

“M-maybe just leave him alone for now, Saria… Um, Master, do you want-”

“D-DON’T TOUCH ME!” Church yelled, nearly falling out of his chair as Prudence reached out to him.

“…t-tea?” Prudence asked, teary-eyed. “I’ll just… I-I’ll bring you some, Master, and then you can just… um… n-not drink it if you don’t want it…”

Prudence walked off to the kitchen, wringing her skirt nervously, when Natasha walked in. The wight walked up to Church and sniffed the air around him before giving him a smug grin.

“Oooh, what’s wrong, big fella? Not feeling so tough now that you’ve had a taste of what’s been coming to you?”

Church barely lifted his head. “And you’re a little cockier than a corpse who talks to cardboard cutouts should be, but I have the good grace not to bring it up, don’t I?”

What? Y-you’re lucky Cheslav likes you, or I’d bring you down a peg myself!”

Church locked eyes with her and gave a smug grin of his own. “Oh? You’d sully your noble hands with a commoner like me? I should be honoured, shouldn’t I? But I feel like I’m forgetting something… Ooooh, maybe it’s about our status?

Natasha’s face turned a little darker in a blush.

“You know, I was just thinking about which one of us is the commoner, but I happened to remember something about growing up in a mansion… Well, maybe I was just a servant there-”

“TEA!” Prudence yelled, cutting off Church, who jumped, then held onto his jacket for dear life.

“Um… t-tea’s ready, Master! Um, Natasha, I’m sorry, it’s just that Master is feeling a little… um… o-off… please don’t take it personally?”

“F-fine. Whatever. Marshall, when is Cheslav getting here?”

Self-assured, Church reached out and took a sip from the teacup Prudence had put near him. His eyes widened in shock, then narrowed as he swirled the tea around his mouth before he spit it back into the cup.

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34c625 No.270225

File: 3231f66425a2c27⋯.png (558.73 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_super_angry_….png)

File: 150ba3bd88b59ec⋯.png (642.97 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_traumatized_….png)

Prudence.

The kikimora’s eyes shot up, her ears drooping a little less. “Yes Master!?”

What did you put in this?”

“I-I’m sorry?”

“What the hell is in this cup?”

“T-tea, Master?”

And?

“Um… water?”

And?

“S- um… s-sugar?”

AND?

“Milk?”

Milk?

“Um… yes, Master?”

Church gave a sour look, pouring out the cup and putting it back on the table.

“Milk? And what tea was it, girl?”

“Um… just the usual tea, Master?”

What tea?”

“The… um… t-the first-flush Assam you like, Master.”

“You ruined a first-flush Assam with milk? You may as well have put the sodding drugs in it, you bloody rapist! At least rohypnol has the good grace to not taste like anything!”

“I-I’m sorry, Master! I wasn’t thinking, and well… I-I’ll go make another right now, Master!”

“How bloody long have you made my tea for me? You know I won’t have milk spoiling good tea!”

Prudence didn’t answer as she scurried back to the kitchen with his cup. Good god, how long had she made his tea for him? Church sat down, putting his face into his hands again. He couldn’t remember at all. It seemed like she had always been the one taking charge of the servant work for him. It wasn’t just the milk, it was… That. How could she? She’d gone completely mad for no reason, and now things were just back to normal? He didn’t feel like he could trust her any more, but…

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34c625 No.270226

Church thought back as far as he could remember. Surely there had to be a time when Prudence hadn’t been his maid. He couldn’t remember her before school had started, but after that… It wasn’t just the tea, was it? She did his laundry for him, more than he’d like to admit, after coming into the college. And Lady Lifts-a-lot. He couldn’t discount when she’d saved him from the literal hounds, of course… And making food for everyone, naturally. And she did handle the more… mundane planning for him, didn’t she? He supposed that was the benefit of a personal servant. The maids at home always managed to bungle a detail or two, even if he gave them a simple request like tea…

‘Fuck.’

She’d raped him! This was madness! But could he get rid of her? How would he convince a new hire to follow him around on his missions, much less ask them for the kind of precision that ten years of serving only him could teach? He was vaguely aware of Prudence placing a cup onto the table beside him, and he looked up, seeing the girl nearly in tears, spouting off a string of apologies and punishments she deserved.

“A-a-and p-p-p-pleaaaaase, Master! Please! J-j-uh-just don’t leave me!”

‘God DAMN it.’

“Prudence.”

She straightened her back and folded her hands in front of herself, still sniffling miserably.

“I’ve made my decision.”

“N-n… but… M-Master… Please! ANYTHING but that!” She began shaking, her knees becoming wobbly.

“Look, if you’re that sodding upset about it, I could fire you, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

“W-what?”

“You’re staying. You’re on a short bloody leash, damn it, but you’re staying. You won’t be earning back my trust easily.”

“MASTER!” Prudence jumped onto Church in her joy knocking him over and burying her face into his jacket. “THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!”

“FUCK! NO! GET HER OFF ME! MARSHALL, YOU DAMNED TRAITOR! I’M GOING TO BE RAPED TWICE IN AS MANY FUCKING DAYS!”

“Naw, Church, she’s just gettin’ a little cuddly with ya.”

“WELL MAKE HER FUCKING STOP, YOU OAF!”

Saria watched the argument with growing amusement, but her smile dropped when she realized that she was falling behind. Of all the girls that got laid before her, the shut-in kikimora got dicked first? How could she, a red-blooded, rape-loving elf, lose to her? Prudence was her friend, but… Oh, god, did she owe Prudence money? Prudence had just laughed that one time when she had suggested a bet on who would get laid first. Maybe she would have just forgotten? She was getting off-track. She had to find a way to get Marshall to take her. Why couldn’t he just take her! She’d been avoiding wearing panties for days around him, and he didn’t even notice! She liked that he was a gentleman, but why couldn’t he just treat her like his own personal little elf slut now and then? She stared at Marshall, rubbing her legs together.

“Uh, you doin’ alright, Saria?”

She barely even heard him. She wondered if he’d ask her that same question after he had kept her in his room and used her like his own personal cum rag for a few days. Eheh…

Maybe he just needed a little bit more encouragement to take her… She didn’t think she could manage to hold him down herself, but what if she…

Marshall waved his hand in front of Saria’s face, to no effect. She was doing that thing again, polishing her glasses in that slightly masturbatory way while she drooled. She was giggling a little bit, too. She was definitely up to something. He sighed. She was still just a lil’ lady, though, so he guessed she couldn’t do too much harm.

Right?

END OF CHAPTER 11

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34c625 No.270227

File: 5d377dfcaa336f5⋯.png (479.27 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR, milk in tea.png)

File: 4a92dd2eb7f136a⋯.png (367.55 KB,900x900,1:1,monster - TPR, 1000 degree….png)

>>270225

You forgot one.

>>270178

> low res version

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34c625 No.270266

File: d121902851636a5⋯.gif (1.73 MB,320x240,4:3,1349599257464.gif)

>>270155

>Hellhounds not nice. Also strong, like bear. Except bear with tits, and angry vagina.

holy fucking shit I haven't laughed that hard in long time thank you for that

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34c625 No.270707

>>270149

>saria in her ranger getup

nice.

>Church finally gets what's coming to him

No man who just got laid shoud be so high-strung.

I'm still loving this, Jexx.

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34c625 No.271398

>>215610

Who is the Jinko saying "I will fucking destroy you?"

Becuase no Jinko said that in the Jinko chapter, so I don't know which of the Jinkos that appared in the chapter that one is suppossed to represent.

BTW I loved the Jinko dorm part, my fav by far.

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34c625 No.271465

File: 8c2f3877bb6e8b1⋯.jpg (310.82 KB,960x640,3:2,53DE8286-38FA-4587-AED6-D4….jpg)

>>271398

Fucking newfag.

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34c625 No.273278

File: 3b8979fbce17203⋯.jpg (38.14 KB,346x427,346:427,a21eb663ce505732df6ec99007….jpg)

>>256464

Ayy, way to be subtle, kiddo.

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34c625 No.277941

Hinezumi, Helldounds, Jinkos.

They raided the most dangerous ones already. Can't see how they can top that short of raiding the Dragons and Minotaurs.

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34c625 No.278007

File: 08ac7ee589d3446⋯.jpg (32.4 KB,396x351,44:39,B74945DC-5340-4CBD-A5A9-F8….jpg)

>>277941

Sage you fucking nigger.

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34c625 No.278027

>>277941

Well I guess it's not only about the individual strength of the mons but how they organize themselves as a group and how little/much they might retaliate. I guess they could still raid the Sabbath but that sounds slightly illegal

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34c625 No.278103

>>277941

They didn't successfully raid the hell-wans, they should go back for round 2.

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34c625 No.278276

>>278103

But they did get the pantsu

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34c625 No.278280

>>278276

Yeah but they left their dignity behind

Also

GOD DAMNIT NIGGER WHY DIDNT YOU SAGE

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ab4ec1 No.288075

File: ccb60df01213ab9⋯.jpg (79.28 KB,843x541,843:541,more waiting.jpg)

How long until Aux respawns?

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5d0968 No.289114

Is this dead now?

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449704 No.290576

>tfw Jexx abandons another story

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cc4203 No.292686

>>290576

i hope not, this one was to good not to finish.

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d579a8 No.293692

File: 70e5dc9abc547d0⋯.png (24.64 KB,252x193,252:193,over medium.png)

>>270226

Chapter 12: Dragon My Balls Across Your Face

Marshall woke up to the feeling of something lightweight flopping onto the foot of his bed. Rolling to the side, he opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He was still incredibly groggy, but he could barely make out…

Was that… Saria? In his bed? She looked crudely tied up, more like a poorly trussed salmon than an appetizing elf. Marshall squinted his eyes, not quite able to comprehend what he was looking at.

“Must still be dreamin’.” He mumbled, turning over and burying his head under the covers once more.

“Ehh?” Saria whined, wriggling her way towards his face. Marshall didn’t respond, he just kept trying to go back to sleep. Any minute now he’d wake up, and Saria would be out of his bed. It’d be great. A nice slow morning, maybe make some bacon and eggs-

“M-Marshie? Are you ignoring me?”

BOY, IT SURE WAS A NOISY DREAM HE WAS HAVING. HE’D HAVE TO CONCENTRATE REAL HARD ON GOIN’ BACK TO SLEEP.

Saria managed to flop herself overtop of him, rubbing her face against his. “Maaaaaaaaaarshieeeeee… pleaaaaase get up?”

He sighed, running his fingers through his- what?

“Saria.”

“U-um, yes?”

“Any particular reason yer panties are on my head?”

“Eheh… I-I figured you could um… u-use them?”

“…I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Could ya put them back on, please?

She hung her head a little as he walked away. Why’d she have to be here this early? It’s not like he didn’t appreciate her company, but damn it, it was hard putting up with her shenanigans when he’d just woken up. He turned on the tap and opened the door abruptly, finding- nothing?

Maybe he was just being paranoid. It’s not like she was that bad, so long as he put his foot down. He washed his hands and headed back to his room, where Saria was- oh god.

She was completely naked, and had stretched herself out on the bed, trying to look as alluring as she could, but he couldn’t take her seriously with her wearing her own panties on her head. He had to try his best not to laugh at her. It’s not as though she wasn’t good-looking. She was slim, but, well, healthy in all the right places. But he could hardly tear his eyes away from the bear on her underwear staring at him. He turned his back on her when he realised he was staring.

“Like what you see, cowboy~?” She asked.

“Well, it ain’t like I didn- Uh…That ain’t what I meant when I said put ‘em back on.”

“Are you maaaad? Maybe I need a little punishment for disturbing you…”

“Weeeelp. I’m makin’ breakfast. Want some?”

“O-oh! Yeah!”

She followed him to the kitchen, holding onto his shirt the whole way. As he plugged in the griddle, he turned around.

“You, uh… plannin’ on gettin’ dressed?”

She smiled brightly. “Nope!”

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d579a8 No.293695

File: 443c022c9c8f0ac⋯.png (434.33 KB,900x1000,9:10,monster_-_TPR_over_medium_….png)

>>293692

“…Please get dressed.”

“Hmmm… nope. I don’t wanna.” She squeezed her breasts together with her arms ever-so-slightly. “Why don’t you just enjoy the view~?”

Saria.

“Are you gonna make me, cowboy?

“You can do whatever you want, but I’m gonna start cookin’ bacon, so don’t come cryin’ to me when you get hot grease on somethin’ sensitive.

The elf’s face paled a little. “Um… I’ll be right back…”

Marshall sighed a little when he felt a small pair of hands slip into his back pockets and squeeze his butt. “That smells really good, Marshie! Could I have a little sausage for dessert~?”

“You are insatiable. Look, I’m gonna make some bacon, so why don’t ya go sit down and watch some TV or somethin’?”

Saria sat down at the kitchen table, staring listlessly at Marshall for a few minutes as he cooked, not saying anything. Maybe she was gonna settle down now?

“So, Saria, tell me how you like yer eggs.”

“Fertilized.” Saria said, without skipping a beat.

She heard a crack, and looking over to the side, she saw that Marshall had crushed the pair of eggs he was holding.

Whoops. Better get a couple more.” Marshall muttered, giving Saria a death glare.

Saria shuddered. “O-over medium…”

Marshall sighed in relief, cracking the eggs over the bacon grease and covering them with a small pot lid.

“Saria, we need to talk.”

Saria jumped in her seat. “T-talk? What about?”

“You should know right well what I’m talkin’ bout.”

Saria’s ears lowered, he wasn’t mad, was he? She worked very hard to give him a morning he wouldn’t forget, but was she really just being annoying?

“I really ‘preciate all the things you’ve done for me recently, you rescued me from them hellhounds, helped out in the shoggoth dorm, and even though that fish curry wasn’t the best, it was an evening I ain’t gonna forget anytime soon.”

Saria looked up, tears welling in the corner of her eyes. Was he going to…

“But I think you’re comin’ on a bit strong. I didn’t join this campus t’score a lady, see? I don’t have the time or the funds to invest in making someone else happy. That’s not to say I don’t like you, you’re a charmin’ elf. I just… dunno if I’m ready yet.”

Saria leaned her head forward, partially obscuring her face. “You don’t need to spend money on me, Marshie. I’m fine just doing the things we do together! You know, with Natasha and Prupru! I’m not asking for your dedicated time and money, I just don’t want to be alone anymore. Don’t you hate being alone?”

Marshall flipped over the eggs, deep in thought. He wasn’t alone per se, he had his friends Cheslav and Church to keep him company, but he knew what she meant, and she was right. With the low confidence he had about his body and the whole “mountain dew blood” thing, he had developed a complex that stopped him from truly realizing that something was missing in his life, something that couldn’t be stolen from a dorm and mounted on a wall.

“Whelp… I reckon I am.” Marshall flipped some bacon over and winced as a few grease bubbles splattered his hand. “Somethin’ about female companionship an’ all that, I guess.”

“Sooo… are we gonna…?” Saria drummed her fingers together.

“I guess we can give this a shot, just try to tone it down from now on, y’hear?”

Saria’s ears started twitching, and she knelt up on her seat so she could reach over and hug him, but her knee slipped and her stomach fell dangerously close to the griddle right as Marshall lifted the bacon off of it, splattering her exposed tummy with grease.

“Kyaaa!” Saria quickly grabbed Marshall’s shoulders to stop herself, but not before their heads bashed together.

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d579a8 No.293696

File: 86544c86cff3fbb⋯.png (69.44 KB,453x264,151:88,I'm a sick bastard.png)

>>293695

“K-kissu?” She asked.

What?

“U-um… I…”

“Didja say ‘kiss you?’”

“Y-yeah… aha… That’s what I said…”

Marshall cleared his throat and looked away. “Uh… J-just this once, though, y’hear?”

Saria had to try with all her might to avoid her natural instinct to squeal. Finally! He was going to do it! She’d waited for so long! Should she stick out her tongue like his little slut or let him take her on his own? Maybe he’d even pull out his dick and rub it on her face, then tell her to kiss that!? She closed her eyes, panting from excitement.

She nearly quivered with anticipation as she felt him get closer. She puckered her lips a little and felt his lips press against her- cheek? What? No. No, no. She opened her eyes, and there he was, blushing while he kissed her chastely on the cheek. Goddammit.

“Fuckin’ cucked again…” She muttered to herself.

What?

“Uh… N-nothing…”

They ate breakfast mostly in silence, with Saria giving occasional disappointed glances to Marshall. Who did Marshie think he was, copping out like that? Did he think he could get away with it just because he was really cute? She hadn’t even asked for anything that bad yet.

Marshall noticed the looks he was getting, but he decided to ignore them as best as he could. He knew he probably should have gone in for an actual kiss, but she was just pressuring him so much. He didn’t want to end up screwing it up, since he hadn’t actually done it with anyone he actually cared about in such a long time. Oh god, it looked like she was going to take another pass at him.

“Well, um, thanks for the breakfast, Marshie. Maybe we should go work it off, now~?”

He knew her game. Fortunately, he knew his, too. There were rules, dammit. “Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea, seein’ as I’m tryin’ to, uh, fix up my health a bit.”

“R-really!?”

“Yeah, why not? Throw on somethin’ nice and follow me.”

Saria’s ears fluttered. She slurped up some stray drool and ran upstairs to put the rest of her clothes on.

>_____________<

“…This isn’t what I meant.”

“What? Did ya wanna hit the weights before runnin’?”

Saria huffed loudly, pouting as she hit Marshall’s arm. “You knew what I meant, didn’t you?”

“Whaaaaat? Nah. Come on, let’s get- aaaaaww shit.”

From across the gym, he could see a suspiciously tall-looking figure stand up from the bench press, then start running towards them. She was panting by the time she reached them.

“F-ugh-f-fuckin’ cardio… killing muh fucking… g-GAINS!” She dry-heaved a little, bending over.

“Uh… hey there, Ash.”

“W-what the hell are you doin’ in my gym, you little, uh… fuccboi?

“Uh… goin’ for a jog?”

“And you thought you’d just get away without talking to me, first?”

“Y… yeah? Is this a trick question?”

She puffed out her chest and strutted towards Marshall, bumping her chest against his. “Well you better think again, you big, hands- dumb cowboy! I’m the boss of this gym!”

“Really? I’ve been here the last couple days an’ haven’t seen hide nor hair of ya.”

“J-just ‘cause I’m not here doesn’t mean I’m not still the boss! Are you trying to intimidate me just ‘cause you’ve got those big, manly muscles on you!?”

“Uh, no? Look, we’ll stay outta your hair, I ain’t lookin’ for any trouble.”

“What’s that? You wanna sniff my hair? W-well… Fine, I’ll let it slide this time. Get that cute little- uh… f-fat ass of yours running, or I’ll kick it into g-”

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d579a8 No.293697

File: ce16a659768f630⋯.png (699.59 KB,900x1200,3:4,monster_-_TPR_head_hugging….png)

>>293696

The alp was cut off by Saria growling at her from atop his shoulders. “NO. MINE.”

“Wh-what? Fuckin’… s-stupid elf! We’re sworn enemies! It’s not like we could get into some super-romantic Romeo and Juliet, never meant to be-type thing! A-and if we did, I’d be Romeo because I’m tough and cool and-”

MINE. LEAVE! SKREEEEEEEE!” Saria didn’t stop screeching until Ash had awkwardly shuffled away, protectively wrapping her entire small body around Marshall’s head.

“Uh, thanks Saria… you can stop now, by the way…” She continued breathing heavily, not loosening her grip on him. He waved his hand around above his head, managing to smack the elf in the face before resting his hand on her head, petting her gently until she calmed down. “Thaaaat’s right. That’ll do, Saria. That’ll do. It’s all over now.”

“…M-Maybe… c-could I get a reward? Of cummies?”

“Uh… look, Saria, not right here, alright?”

“Maaaaybe I could just do it under your desk while you work, then?”

“S-stop that.”

Saria gave a frown, but refused to let go of Marshall’s hand for a few laps around the track. Saria started to fall behind, little-by-little, and by the time they had finished their fourth lap, she found herself panting, unable to catch up.

“M… Mashie… w-wait…”

“Y’doin’ okay? I, uh… I kinda figured you’d be runnin’ circles around me by now.”

“I… books… don’t run…. Anymore… Will you… c… carry me?”

“What? Don’t you wanna just sit down or something?”

She clutched at his shirt, leaning into him. “D… did I stutter?”

“Yes?”

“JUST FUCKING DO IT MARSHIE!”

“Jeez, y’don’t hafta get mad. Arrite, hop on up.”

Saria crawled onto Marshall’s back, giving his sweaty neck a less-than-subtle lick as she settled her head on his shoulder.

After a few minutes of running with the elf on his back, Marshall fell to his knees, exhausted.

“Uh, I’m beat. You wanna just hit the showers an’ go back?”

“Yeah!”

Saria tugged fruitlessly at Marshall’s arm, trying to drag him into the men’s locker room with her.

“No.”

“Come oooon!” Saria whined, beckoning.

“Look, we can’t just pull this in public! Go on, I’ll meet you on the other side.”

“But Marshie…” She looked at him with wide eyes, pleading.

“Get on gone, I’ll see ya in a minute.”

“Fine… I won’t be seeing you in the locker room. All naked and defenseless…

“S-stop that.”

>_____________<uguu

Marshall stripped off his sweaty clothes and grabbed a towel. He peeked around the corner of the lockers, looking for Saria. Had she actually not followed him in? Huh, maybe she was going to behave herself after all.

As he walked to the showers, he had all of two seconds to react before Saria pounced from the ceiling, bringing Marshall down to the floor with her vagina in his face and her arms shielding his head from the floor.

“Mrrmph HRRM?!?”

“This is happening now, Marshie! Prupru got with Church before I got with you and it’s not fair. Whether you like it or not, I am getting a piece of that TexASS!!!

Marshall reached up and grabbed Saria’s ass, intending to pry her off his face, but her pheromones hit him like a semi. He hated to admit it, but there was something primal about being so wanted that she literally jumps you to take you. Deciding that a roll in the hay couldn’t hurt, he pushed her closer instead and buried his tongue between her labia. They parted easily, eager for his entry.

Saria shivered in delight as soon as she felt him bury his tongue inside her, wrapping her bare legs around his head. His tongue was being so aggressive, she soon found herself unable to take it any longer and pried herself from his grasp.

“Y-you’re good at that, Marshie! Let’s just skip to the good part before I lose control?”

Marshall nodded, letting Saria grab his gym shorts and pull them off, followed by his boxers. A wave of hot musk flooded Saria’s nostrils, making her eyes roll back. Guys who were all hot and sweaty from exercising and hadn’t yet showered were the best. Unable to help herself, she grabbed his semi-erect cock and held it up so she could bury her nose into his nutsack.

“Whoa there Saria, take it easy. Is this level of frivolity even necessary?”

Saria didn’t answer, she kept licking the musk off of him, moaning the entire time. Finally, she held his shaft level with her mouth, and slid in as much as she could, licking off more of his sweat. Marshall thought about questioning her again, but her tongue caressing his length like a velvet sleeve was enough to quiet him down.

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d579a8 No.293699

>>293697

Saria gave it her all, occasionally popping his cock from her mouth to suck on one of his balls. She was drunk off his musk, and couldn’t wait until he actually came, and released all that pent up stress inside her mouth.

“S-Saria, damnit slow down, ya don’t want me to cum so soon do y-” Marshall was cut off when Saria grabbed him by the balls and deepthroated him to the base, finishing him off. Marshall devolved into a series of moans as she sucked down his cum, repressing her gag reflex just like she practiced with the kielbasa sausage for this very day.

Popping the tip out of her mouth, Saria exhaled, latching onto Marshall’s leg.

“Holy shit, Saria. Where’d you learn somethin’ like that?”

“Rapefruit.”

“Pardon?”

“Grapfruit?”

“Still lost.”

“GEBFROOP!”

“Are you sure yer alright to continue this?” Marshall asked, looking down at Saria with great concern. Saria grabbed Marshall’s dick, rubbing her face against it protectively. “Garbfoof…”

Marshall rolled his eyes, Saria was a little drunk on semen, but he knew she wouldn’t be satisfied until he ‘caught her up’ with Prudence. Lifting her up by her hips, he let her head rest against the floor while he angled his hips downward and hammered down into her cunt like a pile driver. Saria let out a lewd squeak at every thrust, making an awful lot of noise, but Marshall didn’t pay any mind to it.

“Nnnf! F-fuck! S-slow down, Marshie, you’ll end this too soon~” Saria begged, helpless to stop him. Not that she wanted to, however.

“Nope, t-this is gonna be my one s-solid to ya. A-after that, I want you to promise me you’ll stop pesterin’ me for sex.”

“Kyaa! C-can we at least do it more after t-this!?”

“W-well…” Marshall didn’t answer, slowing his pace down.

Saria only looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“F-fine, once a week.”

“Three times a week!”

“You’re crazy!”

“T-twice a week…”

“Fine, that’s bout all the action I can handle anyway.” Marshall started to pump his hips again, causing Saria’s moans of ecstasy to speed up.

“Gonna cum soon…” Marshall warned, grinding himself while hilted out inside Saria.

“Y-you better cum inside!” Saria warned back, locking her legs around him.

“You ain’t gonna get pregnant, are ya?”

Saria shook her head. “IUD, I was afraid you were gonna hit it with how big you are~”

Marshall rolled his eyes, he had to admit, she was kinda cute when she wanted to be. He brought his hips forward, slamming into her a few more times before he was pushed over the edge, and he came inside of her, filling her up while gravity helped rope after rope of his cum gush into her womb. Saria squeezed her legs tightly around him, then went limp, having just reached her own peak.

For a few minutes, neither of them said a word to each other, just holding that position. Marshall almost fell over, but steadied himself. He was the one to break the silence.

“So, what aren’t ya gonna do again?”

Saria sighed. “Alright, I won’t try to make you rape me. But… two times!”

This time, Marshall sighed. “…Two times.”

Another silence, this time Saria broke it. “L-let’s go back to your place and watch something?”

“You know what? That sounds dandy.”

They rinsed themselves off in the shower, got dressed, and then headed back to Marshall’s.

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d579a8 No.293701

>>293699

More to come, this chapter is long as fuck.

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d579a8 No.293722

File: 5b96abb5cd27a6c⋯.png (602.21 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_Natasha_and_the_….png)

>>293699

Natasha stood outside the door to Cheslav’s flat. She would knock, but it was already being propped open with a cinderblock. S-should she knock anyway? It looked like he was expecting her but… if he wasn’t expecting her yet, it might be rude to just barge in. After all, she was an hour early.

N-not that she was excited or anything, she just… wanted to make sure nobody was breaking into his home. Right. Definitely not because she was super excited and couldn’t wait any longer.

She didn’t need to ponder whether to knock or not for long, because Cheslav crossed the entryway wearing his signature blue camouflage tracksuit. “Oi privyet! Dead lady is little early, but no matter. Come, we can start now.” He beckoned her inside.

Natasha breathed a sigh of relief, one less decision she had to make. She headed on inside and immediately noticed how different Cheslav’s house was during the day. At night, it was quiet, creepy, and all the newspaper articles and antique guns on the wall made the place look foreboding, but now it gave the place character. He might be a weirdo (and a real freak), but he was his own man. He didn’t march to the beat of anyone else’s drum but his own, and she really respected that.

“Is Natasha ready to extract caviar?” He asked, leading Natasha to the dining room table and snapping on some latex gloves.

Yes, Cheslav might not be the most orthodox of humans, or even the most noble, but that was why she lov- wait, extract?

Natasha screamed as Cheslav dragged a 3 meter long beluga sturgeon into the room.

“Ch-Cheslav!? What the hell is that!?” Natasha pointed accusingly at the fish.

“Is beluga sturgeon, where best caviar comes from. Had small farm back in motherland, but ever since came here, have been raising one in school fountain. Today, she so happen to be of ripe for caviar harvest.”

Natasha felt the world spinning around her, but resisted the urge to faint. “H-how did… nobody notice you raising a 10 FOOT LONG STURGEON IN THE FUCKING FOUNTAIN!?”

“Cheslav wonders too, sometimes… Need help getting onto table anyway. Can dead lady use her magics?”

Natasha looked at the dead fish, then the table. That fish was definitely too heavy for even their combined effort to just lift up. She would have to use magic if they were going to get that… thing onto the table.

“W-well, Cheslav, the thing is that I… don’t exactly have that much control over my magic yet. I’m getting a little better, but the only thing I’m really good at right now is throwing balls of force around and crushing things.” Natasha drummed her fingers together nervously.

“Hmmm…” Cheslav pulled up a stool, staring at the dead fish contemplatively. “Perhaps… Natasha can toss fish in air, and Cheslav will guide to table on way down.”

“Err…” Natasha wasn’t sure if she liked that idea, but it was better than nothing. “Okay, b-but please be careful? I don’t want it landing on you and hurting you.”

“Is fiiine, not of worryings!”

Natasha gulped, but took her hand and surrounded it with glowing energy, wrapping an ethereal arm around the dead fish and launching it upwards. It just barely grazed the ceiling, and was now plummeting down towards Cheslav.

’Ohnoohgodhe’sgoingtogetsmushedbythatfishandit’llbeallmyfaultohgodpleasegetoutofthewayCheslavplease…’

Just as Cheslav was about to try and shove the fish towards the table, Comrade Cluckers jumped off the kitchen counter and judo-kicked the fish, making it crash directly in the center. The table made some scary creaking noises, but ultimately, the oak held up.

“Ah! Comrade Cluckers. Such a good chicken, have treat.” Cheslav pulled out some bits and bites from his pocket and tossed them on the floor, the chicken strutted over and started eating them.

Meanwhile, Natasha stood there, jaw agape. How in the… Where did he come from? How did…? That had to be 400 pounds at least!

After mulling it over in her brain for a minute, she decided on not worrying about it. This was their special day together. So what if it wasn’t going how she expected it to? It was Cheslav after all.

“Now that fish is on table, Natasha, fetch knife please. Is in drawer, left of stove.”

Natasha snapped herself out of her thoughts, and headed to the drawer, opening up. She expected to find a typical knife set, but he only had AK bayonets.

“O-okay, which one?”

“One with golden handle.”

“There’s two of them with golden handles.”

“One with cosmoline at base.”

“They both have cosmoline at the base.”

Cheslav sighed. “Does not matter, bring either one.”

Natasha handed the knife to Cheslav’s outstretched hand, and he quickly inspected it.

“Yes, sharp enough. Does dead lady want to perform opening cut?”

Sweat rolled down Natasha’s forehead. “E-ehem, that’s quite alright. I’ll leave the dirty, icky, fishy work to you~”

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d579a8 No.293723

>>293722

“But Natasha…” Cheslav took her hand, and pulled her closer, taking her aback. “Is tradition for married couples to harvest caviar together.”

Natasha’s hand began trembling, saying something like this… to her! Was he implying they were going to get m-married?

“R-really?” She approached the fish, less apprehensive than before.

Cheslav gingerly placed the knife in her hand, closing her fingers around it. “Is truth.”

“C-can you… guide my hand, then?” Natasha giggled, her face turning from pale blue to purple.

Cheslav nodded, bringing her hand to the base of the sturgeon’s tail and poking the knife inside. “Now, bring knife up slow, do not damage precious caviar inside.”

“So… what you’re saying is we should just stick the tip in, so we don’t damage the eggs inside~?” Natasha took one of Cheslav’s hands and placed it on her tummy.

Cheslav coughed, choking on his own spit. “E-eeh, right. J-just be of most careful.”

Natasha looked back at Cheslav with a smirk, bending down so that her butt pressed more insistently against Cheslav’s crotch as she brought the knife up, cutting through the sturgeon’s belly like butter. About halfway through, the flesh started to really open up, revealing the two massive, egg filled ovaries that they were destined to harvest… together.

“H-hey Cheslav, look at it spreading for you…” Natasha murmured, rubbing her legs together.

“A-almost there, just a bit further Natasha.” Cheslav nervously watched over her shoulder, he picked up on her subtle grinding, but ignored it for the time being.

Once Natasha had fully split the belly, Cheslav reached down, gently sliding his hands under the ovaries and lifting them up, taking great care not to damage the membrane as he put them into a fine mesh strainer.

“S-so, what do we do next, bolshevik boy?” Natasha asked in a husky voice.

“Eeeerrr…” Cheslav began sweating. The sexual tension in the room was getting stifling. Who thought extracting caviar was such an erotic process for undead girls? Was it the same for vampires or zombies? He had to find a way to cool her down, or things would quickly get out of hand.

“W-we remove eggs like kebab, then cover in salt.” Surely, she couldn’t find a way to misconstrue that, right?

“Mmm… okay, but will you guide my hands again? J-just so I don’t mess it up~?”

“Eeeeh, naaah. Dead lady has it.” Cheslav took a small step back. “Just gently rub across strainer.”

Natasha gave Cheslav another smug grin, doing as he instructed. She kept her movements slow and deliberate, trying to get any kind of rise out of Cheslav. Unfortunately, nothing was really coming to her as far as sexual innuendos go.

“Very good, membrane is now empty. Now, we salt.” Cheslav pulled up a large drum of sea salt, giving her a scoop. “Use two.”

Natasha took one scoop of salt and poured it in, using her hands to mix it.

’Oh, you’ll be handling some expensive eggs tonight…’

Unable to take it anymore, Natasha turned around, then pounced Cheslav. “You tease, you deliberately made me do this with you… knowing that I would get this worked up!”

“N-no, Cheslav did not-”

“No need to be so modest, my proletariat pervert. I’ve been a bad aristocrat, letting my poor ovaries starve. I need a strong Russian man to seize my means of reproduction~”

Cheslav gulped, looks like there was no way out of this. He was going to have to sate her before going any further.

Natasha grabbed his hands, holding them over his head as she leaned in and kissed his neck. He smelled like cosmoline, a scent she had grown so accustomed to that it had practically pavloved into an aphrodisiac. Whenever she smelt it, she knew Cheslav was nearby.

“Let’s see what you’re packing under that tracksuit~” Natasha whispered, unzipping the shirt and pausing when she got to the pants.

“Uh… how do you…” She searched around for a fastener of some kind, but couldn’t find any way to get it off him.

“One moment.” Cheslav grabbed the waistband of his sweats, then pulled them down, revealing the tighty whities underneath.

“Aha! Gimmie!” Natasha grabbed his underwear and nearly ripped it off, Cheslav flinched, expecting her to accidentally tear his dick off.

“Settle down, you act like I’m going to actually hurt you. I would never harm a single hair on that perfect little head of yours~” Natasha crooned as she gingerly wrapped her fingers around his exposed dick, rubbing the top of his head.

Cheslav relaxed, her tenderness catching him off guard. He saw her talons come out in the hellhound dorm, and just assumed that’s just how she was all the time. Seeing this new, more gentle side of her was a pleasant surprise.

“Natasha, should do this on actual bed, da?”

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d579a8 No.293724

File: 85bc6666d04e1f8⋯.png (324.13 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_M89_Natasha.png)

>>293723

“Mmm, I would, but you’ve got me so worked up… I don’t want to move from this spot. Besides, I think the smell of rotting fish is just perfect for a scene like this. Just imagine, I’m a noble’s daughter who took a wrong turn while strolling through town, and you corner me in the alleyway behind the fish market and talk about how much you can hold me ransom before using me for your base, carnal desires. I-I would fight back, of course, but my noble little arms are no match for the strong, muscular working man about to ravish me!”

Cheslav looked nervously at her, she was holding him down pretty firmly for a ‘captured noble.

“Power bottom? More like power my bottom.” Natasha added, grinding against Cheslav’s crotch.

His nervous expression didn’t fade.

Natasha sighed. “A-alright, fine. I’ll take this seriously now.” She lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it aside, Comrade Cluckers strutted over and picked it up in his beak before running off with it.

“H-hey, give that back, you damned chicken!”

“What is matter? Do you not like my cock?” Cheslav asked, completely straightfaced.

“Wh-” Natasha was confused, how was she supposed to answer a question like that? “I-I… No, I l-like your, um… cock…”

“Then do you not like my penis?”

Natasha reached up and grabbed her hair. “I- OKAY! I LIKE YOUR PENIS, B-BUT NOT THAT PANTY STEALING CHICKEN!”

Will retrieve from Comrade Cluckers after dead lady is satisfied.”

“F-fine.” Natasha blushed, but continued to take her clothes off. Once she finished by tossing her panties on the table, she turned her attention to Cheslav.

“Alright, let’s see here…” She reached over to Cheslav’s underwear, but he held up a hand.

“No need, I will do.” He worked them off his legs and kicked them aside, having had the rest of his clothes removed already.

Natasha brought her lips to his neck, nibbling on it before adjusting their position so they were both on their sides. Cheslav was surprised, he expected her to take a more dominant approach with how pushy she was being, but this was a pleasant deviation.

“Lift my leg up, then empower my proletariat pussy with your propaganda.” Natasha crooned, wrapping her thin, pale arms around Cheslav’s neck.

“N-Natasha, please. N-normal sex maybe?” He asked, more exasperated than anything.

Natasha blushed, sighing in resignation. “Alright, you’re right.”

Cheslav lifted her leg, noting how cold her flesh was. Normally, dead bodies only felt cold because they were room temperature instead of warm, but Natasha actually felt cold. It was as if her body was recently dug up from a mountain. He grabbed his cock and nervously guided it towards her labia.

However, her flesh was warmer there. It wasn’t body temperature, but it had a pleasantly cool sensation. He relaxed, looks like he wasn’t going to shrivel up as soon as he took the plunge.

“C-come on already! What are you waiting for??”

Cheslav rolled his eyes, then slid in. Impatient dead lady.

Natasha’s eyes widened as she felt his soviet schlong invade her isolated mansion. All that she could think of was how much better he felt than any of her toys. Suddenly, everything went white…

Her eyes opened, she was sprawling in a ditch filled with dead grass, wearing M89 camouflage and holding a Kalashnikov. She heard singing nearby, but didn’t recognize any of the voices. Still, there was nothing else to do, so she went to go investigate.

Coming to a clearing, Natasha brushed aside some hanging branches to find a group of eastern european men playing various instruments. Cheslav was among them, squatting behind them and rhythmically hitting a triangle.

“Where… where the hell am I?” Natasha muttered to herself. Just as she started to ponder that, the world started to distort around her, as if it was getting pulled away. Cheslav was getting further… further. He was merely a speck in the distance now.

The sun set on the eastern front.

Natasha woke up with a gasp, staring into the eyes of a very concerned looking Cheslav.

“I-is dead lady alright? Was… gone for minute…”

“I’m fine I-” She considered telling him what she saw, but what would be the point? It was just some ecstasy fueled fever dream, is all.

N-nothing more, or less.

“Let’s just continue, p-please.”

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d579a8 No.293725

>>293724

Cheslav nodded, and started off at a nice easy pace. Each stroke sent another wave of rapture coursing through her body. Natasha wrapped her legs around him, her arms squeezing him like a vice. As it progressed, she started to tighten her insides, making it harder for Cheslav to concentrate.

Natasha could steadily feel herself getting closer to orgasm, but it just seemed beyond her reach. That is… until Cheslav reached his hand to hers and squeezed it gently.

Poor girl didn’t stand a chance. Cheslav felt her inner walls clamping around him, and knew she reached her peak. He started to slow down, then once he stopped, he stared into her half-glazed eyes.

“Is Natasha okay?” He asked, concerned.

“Y-yeah, j-just… it’s been a while, okay? Actually never…”

“Cheslav understands. We try again later, da?”

“T-that sounds nice, thank you Cheslav.”

***

Cheslav laid on his back, covered in fish blood and wight juice. The entire room stank of fish, and only about half of that smell was from the dead sturgeon. Natasha was happily munching on a cracker, which was now covered in the salted caviar they made together.

“S-so… does this mean we need to get married now?” Natasha asked hopefully.

Cheslav sighed, his hand caressing her face. “Was joke, Natasha. Waaas joke.”

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d65a1e No.293801

>>293697

>I am getting a piece of that TexASS!!!

You made me laugh in the middle of the College 1010 professor explaining there's no shame in needing food stamps and now everyone thinks I'm an asshole.

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bd8a5e No.293897

>>215309

That ass in the gif looks like it has a rash. Just saying.

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c2c014 No.293999

>>293692

>dragon dorm next

wew

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17369e No.294382

>>293999

Trips confirm, dragon dorm will probably be next

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d579a8 No.295664

>>293725

Church had everyone gathered around the lunch table, apparently, there was ‘big news’ afoot. Marshall had a creeping suspicion as to what it was, but Cheslav had no clue. Last night had really taken a lot out of him.

“ALRIGHT LADS!”

The cafeteria stared at Church, who had raised his fist, yelling a bit too loudly in a quiet moment.

“Er… listen up, boys. I’ve gotten good intelligence that we’re going to have the opportunity of a lifetime coming up next week.”

“Church, you ain’t really-”

“Go on, Prudence. Tell them. …P-please.”

“Y-you don’t have to ask politely, Master! I’m your maid, I’d do anything you say! C-can’t you just order me ar-”

“Oh, get on with it, then.”

The kikimora shuddered in pleasure before continuing. “U-um… I heard around campus that the dragons were planning a big group slumber party, and that a bunch of different species were going to be coming.”

“The dragons!? Ain’t we done enough dangerous raids already? I mean, shoot, look at how poorly our last one ended up.” Marshall folded his arms, had Church lost his goddamn mind?

Oh wait. It was Church. His mind had departed long ago.

“You don’t understand, Marshall. This is the opportunity raid of a lifetime! Where else are we going to find such a variety of panties at once? What’s more, they’ll all be drunk and partying, and so they’ll be too distracted to keep track of their wretched underwear. It’s perfect I say! Perfect!

“Church, ya know I’ve worked with you for a long time now, and it’s becoming pretty evident that most of your ‘perfect’ plans ain’t so perfect. How’re we gettin’ in?”

“Alright, I suppose it takes a big man to admit when he’s been wrong, and I admit, our past few raids haven’t gone according to plan. However, I have a solution this time.”

“And that is…?” Marshall raised an eyebrow.

“Say hello to the McGuffin Brothers!” Church pulled two sharply dressed boys from seemingly nowhere.

Gesturing with his cane, he pointed to each of the identical men in turn. “This is… er… James? And this one is… Jerry…chad?”

“Actually, my name is-”

“Shut up, boy, the adults are speaking. In any case, these two will be helping us with our infiltration. I’m assured they’re experts in the field, so we’ll be leaving the infiltration scheme to them.”

“Wait, Mr. Church, didn’t you say-”

“And for top operational security, we won’t be speaking of the infiltration until the night of. Now then-”

“C-can I come along, Master?” Prudence asked, staring at Church hopefully.

“I don’t know, Prudence, can you?”

“…y-yes?”

“Good. You won’t be, though, you lecherous dog.”

Prudence shuddered, and only half in arousal.

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d579a8 No.295665

>>295664

A week later…

Church smarmily walked up to the wyvern guarding the door to the dorm. She squinted at him, holding a wing out. “Sorry, pal, this is a dragons-only thing.”

“Hmm? Oh, you don’t know who I am?”

“Should I?”

“Oh, yes. If you don’t let me in, I’m going to get in anyway, and maybe I’ll steal your underwear out of spite.”

“What are you…? Look, buddy, just fuck off if you know what’s good for you.”

Church gave her a condescending wink before he turned away. “Oooh, dear me, whatever shall I do? I’d say that I’d see you later, but I suppose you won’t be seeing me, will you?”

Marshall was already hissing curses at him before he’d confidently walked back to his cohorts. “What the hell’re you thinkin’, Church? Now they fuckin’ know we’re comin’!”

“Oh, Marshall. We’re famous. They already know that we’d be here, it’s just a matter of how much fear you’d like to put into them. The look on that armless dullard’s face alone was more than enough to make it worth it. Now then, Larry, what have you and your brother cooked up?”

The MacGuffin that Church had been looking at more closely spoke up first. “It’s not Larry, it’s-”

“I asked you for a plan, MacGuffin, not quibbles.”

“Fuckin’… alright. So what we figured is that we could raise a bit of a ruckus with campus security about the species thing, then while they’re-”

“Good Lord, boy. I asked for a plan, not some kind of idiotic Rube Goldberg scheme that’ll only make more trouble for us.”

“But wouldn’t everyone just be-”

“Shut your blasted mouth. It’s a damn fine thing I prepared a proper plan myself, Dylan. Chap, the sock.”

Cheslav took out what looked like an olive parachute sewn into a tube, then handed a pair of bright green gardening gloves and a mop head to Church.

“Alright lads, here’s the plan. We’ll use these as a clever disguise to sneak past the door guard and enter the party. Once we’re inside, we’ll-”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“What is it, Pedro?”

“I’m- Goddammit, what makes you think this will work?”

“Unlike you, I’m possessed of a superior intellect. Not only are monsters only half as intelligent as the average town idiot, we’re going to beat them at their own game by pretending to be a wurm.”

Marshall sighed, then shrugged his shoulders. “Arrite, whatever. Who’s goin’ on top?”

“Look, I’m not being the damned head, that’s for sure. I’m too masculine for the part.” Church said.

“Ooooh, no, partner. If you’re lookin’ at me you’re as dumb as a sack of hammers. I ain’t even shaved since the weekend.” Marshall looked over to Cheslav, trying to pass it off to someone else.

“Cheslav has too many muscles, would give away too fast.” Cheslav crossed his arms.

“Yeah, You’re the only one here with the… figure to really pull it off.” Marshall leaned back against the wall, looking over at Church.

“I won’t have my two cohorts trying to weasel out of an important part of this job! If only we had some kind of second opinion… someone who knew what they were talking about with this sort of thing.”

“Uh, Church?” One of the brothers piped up.

“What is it, Michael?”

“I’m not- whatever. Look, what I’m saying is-”

“That’s it! Your brother Emily can be the head!”

“That’s not even a… what?”

Church stared hard at the MacGuffin. He was neither tall nor short, thin nor fat, but… he was masculine? He thought? Looking at him made Church’s eyes hurt somehow. “No, never mind-”

“THERE YOU PUSSIES ARE!” Shouted a familiar voice. The gang stiffened up, then turned around.

“Oh, it’s just you.” Marshall folded his arms, how did this dire alp keep finding them? Was she looking for them or something?

“W-watch your tongue, mister. I just came by because I couldn’t help but hear your plans to hit the dragons tonight. I gotta say, I’m almost impressed with the amount of balls you have, a-almost.”

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d579a8 No.295666

File: 1df642a151b4d72⋯.png (472.9 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_Wurm_disguis….png)

“Oh? What of it? Are you here to try and stop us?” Church sneered.

“Nah, I actually was kinda hoping you’d hit them. A lot of them used to pick on me back when- N-nevermind, I’m not about to give you jabronis my life story. The point is, although you three are pieces of shit, I’m all for this. By the way, I couldn’t help but notice you guys are wondering who should be the head.” She pushed her fingers together.

“Well it’s damn well not going to be me.” Church said.

The three men started arguing amongst themselves again, but the alp held a hand up. “I happen to be an expert on gays, I’ll be the judge of that.” She leaned in, eyeing Church up and down.

“Let’s see what we got here… concave chest, femboy curves, cardio hips, soy protein arms… yep, you’re the gayest one here.”

“WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE QUEEN TO YOU JUST SAY ABOUT ME, YOU LITTLE CHAV? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS FROM THE HENRY VIII SCHOOL OF MANHOOD AND-”

“Yeah, sure. Later, fags.” Before she left, Ash stole a glance at Marshall, holding her hand up to her ear and mouthing ‘call me.’

***

Giovanna stood outside the castle, acting as a sort of ‘bouncer’ for the party. If they were a dragon, let ‘em in. If not, send ‘em home. She was thinking of getting another dragon in there to take over, when a couple of guys dressed in a painfully obvious wurm costume strolled up to the door.

“H-how do you do, fellow dragons?” Hazarded a faggy looking metrosexual wearing a coconut bra and a mophead.

Giovanna tilted her head, was he really going to roll with that? “What do you think you’re doing, dude? Literally anyone could see through this low-energy-ass attempt.”

“W-whatever do you mean? I am but a poor, simple wurm. Oh deary me, is that a shota over there?”

“Get the hell out of here before I throw you out myself.” Giovanna cracked her knuckles.

“Shit, the jig is up! Get us out of here boys!” Church whispered to his cohorts.

“No shit, sherlock.” Called Marshall from below. With great effort, Marshall, Cheslav, and the McGuffin brothers backed themselves up, and slowly crept on their hands and knees, finally managing to turn around fully after about two minutes.

***

“Well, that was a right disaster.” Church threw the mophead wig off, rubbing the crudely done makeup off of his face.

“Ya think? I ain’t never seen such a poor attempt at acting in my life.” Marshall wriggled his way out of the weird tube parachute, finally glad that he was out of that literal sweat trap.

“Well, maybe we could have been more convincing if you actually moved like a wurm down there.”

“It ain’t easy movin’ like you got no bones, partner.”

“Well then, no wonder we fucked up. Wurms have bones, you imbecile.”

“Well what the hell do we do now?” Marshall asked.

“Perhaps Cheslav can get ladder for tomorrow, and-”

“No, no, Chap, that won’t do.”

“Um…” One of the MacGuffins said.

“They’re only going to be here tonight, so we have to get this done now.”

“I actually-”

“What if we… no, no, that wouldn’t work.”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE WE BROUGHT A GRAPPLING HOOK!”

“What? Are you an idiot, Bill? Why didn’t you say earlier, Bill?”

‘Bill’ stomped toward his brother in a huff, digging through his backpack until he pulled out a hook attached to a long rope.

“Now we just need to get it up to a window or something.”

“Cheslav sees air vent on second floor.”

“Gimme that there ropeydoodle, partner.” Marshall said.

‘Bill’ gave the man a strange look, but handed over the grappling hook.

In one fell swoop, Marshall managed to catch the grappling hook on a decorative piece of masonry, the line hanging in front of the vent.

“Did you just… in one shot?” ‘Bill’ asked.

“Yeah, Saria’s been makin’ me pr- Uh…”

“Hmm? Oh, do tell, Marshall.” Church prodded

“It’s… n-nothin’, alright? I’m just good ‘cause… my ranch! T-the one upstate!”

“You don’t have a ranch, you dolt.”

“BOY, WE OUGHTA START CLIMBIN’, RIGHT CHURCH?”

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d579a8 No.295667

>>295666

Natasha huffed angrily and crossed her legs. “It’s like they’re ignoring us!”

“N-now, now, I’m sure Master had one of his big master plans, a-and he needed to go right away!” Prudence retorted.

“Oh, you know as well as me that they ditched us on purpose. That stupid limey probably doesn’t even want anything to do with you.”

The kikimora grabbed her by the collar and pulled her out of the chair. “YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”

“L-look, I was just trying to say-”

“I’M A GOOD MAID! MASTER LOVES ME BECAUSE I’M THE BEST MAID AND NOBODY CAN EVER REPLACE ME AND BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO MARRY ME AND WE’RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH LOUD, SWEATY, BALL-SLAPPING SEX EVERY NIGHT THAT OUR SIX BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS WITH HIS EYES ARE GOING TO ASK ME IF I’M OKAY EVERY MORNING BEFORE THEY HELP ME CLEAN OUR MANSION AND THEY’LL BE ADORABLE AND JUST MAKE HIS HEART MELT AND HE’LL NEVER LEAVE ME!”

“Well, were you being a good maid when you raped him?”

Prudence visibly cringed, letting go of Natasha’s shirt. “I-I just… he wanted me to! I think… A-anyway, I trust Master! He’d never, ever, ever leave me!”

Saria, who had been pacing on the other side of the clubhouse, finally spoke up. “I-I’m a little worried, too, Prue… I mean, Marshie’s a good boy, but all of those nasty dragons are there! What if something happens?”

“Wait, what the hell are you saying, Saria?” Natasha asked.

“Well, I mean… the hellhounds were bad enough, but dragons don’t even respect other girls’ property! What if they just… you know… take them away from us?”

The wight clenched her fist. “That dumbass girlfriend-ignoring, oily-smelling, chicken-fucking little goplet is MINE! We should go get them right now! Come on Pru…dence?”

The kikimora was staring at the ground and vibrating, muttering to herself. Saria put a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up, her eyes empty. “Our safety is not important. What is important is what we’re going to do. I just fucking hate these dragons and the human betas feasting on their pussies. My whole life is just cold, bitter Churchy, and I always wanted be loved tenderly. This is the time of vengeance and no dragon is worth saving. I will put in the trash as many as I can. It’s time for me to kill and it’s time for me to die. Our husbando-saving crusade begins here.”

***

“Ow, shit. Dammit, Church, quit stoppin’ without warnin’ me!”

Church whipped his head around, holding a finger to his lips as he glared at Marshall. A tense moment followed before a voice drifted up from the room below them. “…yeah, I smell it, too. Did someone actually invite some guys to this clam jam?”

“Dunno, they’re probably hogging them all to themselves. Wanna go look for them?”

“Fine, but keep it quiet. I want to actually get a turn with them.”

As soon as they heard the sound of the door closing behind the two dragons, the group let out a sigh of relief, with the sound of panicked breathing behind Marshall not stopping.

“Would you stop your incessant mouth-breathing, Abdul?”

“W-what? I’m… Church, look, I-I think we might have been found out. Maybe we should just get out while we have-”

“Nonsense. And I won’t hear any more of it, Arnaldo. We’re going.

“Look, ya might as well give up, partner. We’ve done this song and dance before.” Marshall said, reaching behind himself to give the MacGuffin an awkward pat on the shoulder.

“Come on, chaps, onward.”

“Is only one Cheslav, Church.”

“Oh, shut up.”

The duct made a horrible creaking sound every so often as the five men crawled through, but it held.

***

“Um, Prue, are you sure we’ll be able to get in like this?”

“Who’s been raiding panties the longest?”

Saria sighed. “You.”

“And whose Master is the mastermind of all of the raids?”

“…Yours. But Marshie is really imp-”

“Shush. We’re coming up to the door.”

Giovanna sighed. Really? Fuckin’ really? Twice in one night. She was almost tempted to check a mirror to make sure she wasn’t the cross-eyed, drooling idiot these people seemed to think she was.

“I-is this the dragon party?” Prudence hazarded.

“Yup.”

“Can we… uh… come in?”

“Nope.”

“Why not? We’re… I’m a dragon!”

“Look, just putting on a new sock ain’t gonna fool me. At least it’s a girl on top this time, I guess.”

“Prudence, if our cover’s blown, can I get out of the sleeping bag now? It’s getting stuffy being shoved halfway up Saria’s skirt, and that’s not saying anything about the sleeping bag.”

“H-hey!”

“Look, just get the hell out of here.” Giovanna said, crossing her arms.

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d579a8 No.295668

File: 31c3276dd19153e⋯.png (539.42 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_Lampshade_Ma….png)

>>295667

Ako helped her jabberwock friend into the room they were staying in. She’d only had as much to drink as Ako had, but she’d always been a lightweight and she was starting to make trouble for everyone.

“C’moooon, Akkie, we coulda shtayed longer~”

“Fffff- no, c’mon, Alyssa, that’s… you’re drunk.”

One of the jabberwock’s tentacles gave Ako’s face a lick. “Pfff… so are you~”

“Stop that, you’re being weird…”

“Whaaat? No, come on, loosen up a little~” Alyssa said, laying a claw on the ryu’s thigh.

“St… what are you doing?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb, Akkie, it doesn’t suit you~”

As Alyssa leaned in, they both caught a flash of movement in the corner of the room and turned their heads to find a nondescript-looking man attempting to wear a lampshade as a disguise.

“Weeell, Akkie, you know what they say~” The jabberwock leaned in to whisper in Ako’s ear. “It’s not gay if it’s a three-way~”

She strutted over to the man, her hips swaying. Before she reached out to grab him, he held out a hand. “H-hang on…”

“What? Oh, no. It’s too late for you to get out of this, boy~”

He took the lampshade off of his head, looking up at the jabberwock and then glancing to the ryu on the bed. “I-I’d be happy to, I mean, with two beautiful ladies like you and all, but…”

“But?”

“Could you… it’s a bit weird, but… could I… get a pair of each of your panties?”

Both dragons gave him a strange look for a moment, but Alyssa gave him a lecherous grin and laid on the bed beside Ako. “You’re going to have to get them yourself, big boy~”

The man grinned, then puffed his chest out a little. “Could you both close your eyes while I do it?”

“O-only if you use your teeth…” Ako said, breaking her silence.

“Deal.”

The two dragons shuddered in anticipation as they felt their underwear slide off, tails whipping back and forth. There was a quiet moment of hesitation and Alyssa opened her eyes, seeing the man waving madly and whispering toward the ceiling.

“No! I’ll deal with this, just leave me! …Yes, I’m sure. Are you gay or something? Go!”

He cleared his throat when he realised both girls were now staring at him. “Uh… Ready, ladies?”

***

“That was the stupidest plan you could’ve possibly dreamed up.” Natasha spat.

“But… I-it’s what Master would’ve done! Are you calling him stupid!?” Prudence said angrily.

“I’m not exactly calling him a master strategist, am I?”

“Hang on, girls, why don’t we-” Saria said, being cut off.

“Oh, shut up, Saria, at least our boyfriends could think of a way out of a cardboard box.”

“Don’t you make fun of my Marshie! He could take the other two on any day of the week and win, easy! Besides, those are some pretty harsh words coming from someone who got trapped in a cardboard box herself~”

“S-shut up! And… Cheslav has guns!”

The elf gave her a smug look, resting her chin on her hand. “At least Marshie has a nice big dick~ I’m surprised I even walked over here~”

“C-Cheslav is just fine, thank you! And he has technique!”

“I can’t wait to see what Master can do when he’s on top…”

There was an awkward pause before Saria broke the silence. “I miss him already…”

“I… yeah. Let’s go get them.” Natasha concluded.

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d579a8 No.295669

>>295668

Church held the used panties at arm’s length. “Good god. He couldn’t have just stolen something sanitary, could he?”

“A-alright, we have the panties now, right? Why don’t we just head out now?” the remaining MacGuffin said.

“Oh, shut up, Hiro. Think of your brother Akiko’s sacrifice, he’d want us to go on. By the way, do those dragons use the same perfume as Prudence? She always seems to smell like these.”

Marshall gave him a troubled, uncomfortable expression, like a man who must explain to his paraplegic friend that his dreams of having a maid who doesn’t smell like wet panties will never come true.

They continued crawling down the duct, passing room after busy room before arriving at the end of the line in a little-used corner of the dorm, where a number of dragons and zombie dragons were sleeping. The remains of the group circled around a vent leading directly down into the room.

“Alright, down you go, Pierre.” Church whispered.

“What?! I can’t go down there!”

“They’re sleeping, you inconsolable twit. Besides, who’s paying you?”

“I-I don’t care about the money any more! Just let me go, you won’t have to pay me, I promise.”

“Oh, your poor, late brother Victoria. He’d be so disappointed that he died in vain.”

“W-what? He’s fine, isn’t he? Monsters don’t… oh, god, do they?”

“Well, I suppose we’ll never know, will we? If you’re so unwilling to descend into danger, we’ll never be able to get his body back.”

“O-okay. How do I get in?”

“Good man. Cheslav, let’s have the rope again, shall we?”

The remaining MacGuffin was slowly lowered into the room by his waist, dropping into a clear place on the floor, littered with sleeping dragons. He fumbled with the rope a minute, having to wipe his sweaty palms on his pants before undoing the line around his waist.

His knees felt weak, but he slowly tiptoed his way through the women in sleeping bags, looking for any open bags or cases he could dig through quietly. He finally spotted an unguarded duffel in the corner of the room, its flap hanging open. He had to focus every fibre of his being on keeping his breathing quiet as he made his way through the minefield of sleeping girls painfully slowly.

His arms felt heavy, and his hands shook as he rifled through the bag, but he had finally found it! He drew out a neatly-folded pair of golden, scale-printed underwear, with a few rhinestones sewn into the waistband. Breathing the quietest sigh of relief he could muster. He gave a thumbs-up to Church, who grinned. Just one more left to go.

He nearly lost his composure when one of the sleeping dragons sneezed, spraying him with a fine mist of snot. He was disgusted, but he knew he had to press on, regardless of what he’d gotten on his brand-new sweater already. Fortunately, there was a dresser only a few steps away.

He froze when one of the dragons turned in her sleep, petrified of being caught when he was so close. A few tense moments passed before the girl began snoring and he breathed a sigh of relief. The drawer slid open with what seemed like a deafening noise, but none of the dragons stirred, and he pulled out a pair of black panties with gaudy green lace, tiptoeing back to the hanging rope as fast as he dared.

Church motioned for him to toss the underwear up. He hesitated for a moment, thinking of what happened to his brother. Another dragon stirred, and his worries disappeared. He threw the panties up to the vent and began tying the rope around his waist as fast as he could.

As he was lifted away from danger, he breathed another sigh of relief. He relaxed, leaning into the harness and-

Pfffffrrrrttt

Perhaps he tied he rope too tight around his waist, the pressure on his gut squeezed out a nervous fart from him. A girl below him rolled onto her back, squinting at him before her eyes flew open in shock. She shouted, and it seemed as though the whole room had woken up instantly. He looked up to find Marshall uncomfortably scratching the back of his neck while Church sawed at the rope frantically. This was it. He tried to think of something pleasant as he fell into the dragons, waiting like piranhas for him to fall. His brother? No… he thought of warm, happy days at home, with family dinners and his mother’s spaghetti.

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d579a8 No.295670

File: be7c67fd0352814⋯.png (900.79 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_Prudence_ang….png)

File: 841c878e54c602f⋯.png (657.43 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_Prudence_ang….png)

>>295669

Prudence screeched in anger, kicking her legs helplessly as she was held in the air by a concerned-looking wurm.

“So what the hell are you here for?”

“OUR HUS- …BOYFRIENDS!” Natasha shouted.

“Yeah, you stupid scaly bitches!” Saria chimed in.

“Ooooh~ Do you mean those sweet little boys who fell right into our claws?”

“FUCKINGWHORESGIVEBACKMASTERI’LLKILLYOUTOAFUCKINGWOMANYOUFUCKINGCUNTSIFYOUTOUCHEDHIMI’MGOINGTOSHOVEACACTUSUPYOURSTUPIDLOOSESCALYCOOCHESUNTILYOUFUCKINGBEGFORMOREGIVEHIMBACKGIVEHIMBACKGIVEHIMBACKGIVEHIMBACK!”

“Oh, no, no. I think we earned them fair and square, don’t you? After all, they were hardly marked at all, hmm?”

Natasha’s eyes glowed, the ghost of a spectral hand starting to envelop her fist.

“You give back Marshie right now or I’m going to mark you, you… you dumb dykes!” Saria shouted.

“What? Wouldn’t you be the-”

“You’re going to be the one getting fucked by a woman, fag!”

“…You know what, just for that, why don’t you bring out those boys, just so these little girls can see who’s really in charge of this school, hmm?”

Out of the crowd, one man, then another were dragged forward. Prudence, who had been a whirlwind of flying limbs and makeshift weapons stopped, hanging limp in the wurm’s grip.

Natasha looked to Saria, who was similarly silent.

Well? Struck dumb by our power over you? Maybe we’ll-”

“That’s not mine.”

“What?”

“That’s not my Master, now put me down. I have to go find him.”

“What do you mean-”

“Yeah, uh… Sorry about the whole dyke thing… we’re gonna go now.”

“Wait, these aren’t your boyfriends?”

“Er… nope. Some friends of theirs but-”

“Oh, god! P-Prudence! Church just left us and-”

Prudence gave the MacGuffin a blank stare. “…Who are you?”

“You’re just going to… p-please, please help us!”

“What? Naaah, nah. Don’t worry about us, we’re right as rain.” The other brother said, his arms around the waists of a ryu and a jabberwock.

Natasha glanced at Saria again. “Are we really just going to…?”

“Well, you can stay behind if you don’t want to find your boyfriend.”

“Well, I mean, shouldn’t we at least-?”

“They’re having fun. Probably. They’ll be fine. We can come get them after some make-up sex for making us come out here.”

“…Uh… S-sorry, uh… Harry?”

“It’s-” The MacGuffin was cut off by a zombie dragon shoving her tongue down his throat.

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d579a8 No.295671

File: 7d8256e35e4b9e7⋯.png (463.59 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_Prudence_sni….png)

>>295670

The girls stumbled into the clubhouse, cold and tired from looking for the boys for the last few hours. They filed in the door, finding Cheslav passed out on the table while Marshall and Church yelled at each other loudly about the definition of something or other.

Church turned at the sound of the door opening, holding up a glass. “Aaaah, Prudensh! There… There y’are! Where’d you go, woman?”

“W-where were you, Master?! We were worried sick!”

“What? Panties. We steal them, you know.”

Natasha cut in. “Are you… Are you fucking drunk?

“What? No, of coursh not, you… idiot? Stupid… dumbarse. Just havvin’ a… celebratory sip, s’all.”

“We were out looking for you and you were just here drinking?

“I think… I think… What do I think? …Oh, right. Fffffacking… I told you not to follow, you bint.

“You could have gotten yourselves killed! Or worse, taken! In fact, give me that gopnik!”

Natasha took a long sniff of the prostrate man, lifting her head up after taking a moment longer than she needed. “Well, mine’s clean, at least.”

Saria and Prudence looked at each other for just a moment before dashing to their partners, sniffing them.

“Wait, hang’n, hang on. Y’all were… lookin’ fer us?” Marshall slurred.

Prudence, who was mostly inside of Church’s jacket, poked her head out. “Well, w-we just… I know Master said not to, but we just got to thinking, and well…”

“You’re damn right, Prudence! What if you ended up like those McGolfballs or whatever?”

Church gave the wight a strange look. “Who?”

“Those… oh, what were their names? Anyway, those boys you took with you! They looked… like something?”

Look. ‘S probe- …prob’ly not important, innit? We got fucking… like… “ Church held up his fingers, counting woozily and restarting several times. “Four in one night! ‘S… ‘s fuckin’ fantastic! Woulda… woulda gotten ‘em all, too, if we didn’ hafta… uh… run. Right. Run.”

Saria grinned smugly, leaning on Marshall. “Oh, you didn’t get them all, Marshie?”

“Well, seein’ as… Them fellas were… What were they called? Fuckin’… Ennis n’ Jack or whatever got us a couple, then there was some big hulla…. Uh… hullabaloo n’ we had ta get on gone.”

Saria shuddered in arousal at the Texan’s accent getting worse. “A-and which ones are you missing, sweetie?”

“Uh… aw shit… we got uh… them purple ones n’… the snakey ones with the antlers… reg’lar ones… oh! Zombie ones, too! That’s uh… aw fuck, which ones’re left?”

“Would they happen to be…” Saria slid two pairs of panties out of her pocket. “Oh, say… wyvern or wurm ones?”

“Y-yeah! Wait, how’d ya…”

“Well, since that cute little door guard and Prudence’s friend the wurm girl decided to be such unkind little who- hosts, I decided I might, oh… spice up their nights a little. You’d be surprised how little attention those dragons pay to hands up their skirts, though I suppose that’s what you get when you’re a bunch of cuckolding little scaly bitches that… Uh… s-sorry, Marshie. Just got a little, well…”

“That’s… uh… wow, Saria. An’ we can have ‘em?”

The elf gave the man a lecherous grin. “What would you do to get them?”

“Uh… a kiss, I guess?”

“Oh! Perfect, let me just get my belt off, cutie~”

“No, that’s-”

“Right, I’m suddenly feeling much better. I’m off, Prudence.” Church walked as quickly as he could out of the clubhouse, the kikimora trailing him. Natasha shrugged her shoulders and picked up Cheslav, leaving Saria and Marshall alone.

“Fuckin’… god damn it.”

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d579a8 No.295672

>>295671

“Are we all assembled?”

Ash glanced around the table, five other shadows sitting at a table in a circle. The room was dark, with the curtains pulled and every available lightsource turned off, as per request of one of the attendees.

“Yeah, thanks for inviting me. Who knew I would get an opportunity at revenge on these smegheads so soon?” Said a cocky voice.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for an opportunity like this… It’s been so long, I nearly forgot how mad I was when they hit my dorm.” Came another irate voice.

“Now, now. We’ve all got beef with these guys, that’s why we’re all here. What’s important now is that we come up with a plan of attack.” Ash reminded.

“Well, what do we know about them? B-besides who they are, of course.” A new voice asked.

“Let’s see, I know where they live, and I know they have a clubhouse somewhere in the abandoned portables.”

“But do you know which one they’re in?”

“Uhh… I think it’s on the south side of the school?”

“We can probably find it without trying too hard. Anyway, why don’t we do some good ol’ fashioned forcey fun time? It’ll make me feel better at least.” Said one of the silhouettes, leaning back in her seat.

“Heh, while I wouldn’t mind that as a last resort, that’s a bit… barbaric don’t you think?” Another one asked nervously.

“She’s right, it’s too… base. Anyone can just sexually satisfy themselves with their enemies, but what if, and bear with me on this… We actually took something of value this time?”

“Alright, I’m listening…”

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dd112a No.295674

>>295672

This is gonna be fun. Love how y'all're picking up the pace with installments

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de783c No.295782

File: dd55502df2618d1⋯.jpg (49.13 KB,605x412,605:412,HA prez.jpg)

>>295664

>“Good. You won’t be, though, you lecherous dog.”

>>295672

oh dear

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d65a1e No.300492

File: bb1418c6084aca6⋯.png (77.48 KB,363x446,363:446,angry slime noises.png)

>>300458

Why I oughta

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131529 No.300552

Cant wait to see them raid the Minotaurs.

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756fbf No.300591

File: fc20aa3698db501⋯.jpeg (18.59 KB,700x535,140:107,E02436B9-3FB6-4163-AB9C-C….jpeg)

>>300552

Sage you fucking kike

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716e31 No.300599

>>300552

Fuckin' TWIT!!

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a79743 No.304300

File: 54ffc81926f3972⋯.jpg (86.4 KB,437x596,437:596,1447203399219-1.jpg)

>>295674

>picking up the pace

convincing both jexx and I to write on the same day is almost impossible because we're both little niggers

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069936 No.309633

File: 9ba53313b2597d6⋯.jpg (56.41 KB,636x477,4:3,for cyoa.jpg)

>>295674

>picking up the pace

I mean I'm still waiting, but that's beside the point

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18dffd No.313173

File: 0294f11e25df1c6⋯.png (998.93 KB,900x1500,3:5,monster_-_TPR_Boombox_Prud….png)

>>295672

Chapter 13: When were you when panties was steal?

“♪♪♪EEEVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID! SOMEONE WHO’S EFFICIENT AND RELIABLE! OBEDIENT AND PLIABLE! AND QUIET AS A MOUSE!♪♪♪”

He bloody well wished she’d be as quiet as a mouse. It was…

Church glared at the grandfather clock across the room. 3:30 in the morning. Lovely.

“♪♪♪OH! OH! WOULDN’T I BE DELIGHTFUL? CLEANING UP! LEANING DOWN! EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID!♪♪♪”

He could only hope she wasn’t trying to flash him her underwear in the middle of the dorm lawn. Again.

“♪♪♪WRIGGLING IN YOUR BEDROOM! JIGGLING ON THE COUNTER! GIGGLING IN YOUR BEDSHEETS! PLAYING IN THE OTHER ROOMS!♪♪♪”

She wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, was she? Church dragged himself from his warm bed, stumbling to the window in a haze.

“PRUDENCE!”

The kikimora perked up at his call, holding the boombox playing the music she had been singing to a little higher. “I-I’m here, Master!”

“I and the rest of the whole damned block knows that, you dolt! What is it?!”

“W-well, I… I just thought I could visit you!”

“And you thought that harassing the entire neighbourhood in the middle of the sodding night was the way to do it?”

Prudence looked sheepish for a moment, staring at her shoes. “…C-can I come in?”

“Will it bloody shut you up?”

“Y-yes, Master…”

He half-glared, half-squinted at her in the dark, his eyes still not used to the light.

“…The door will be unlocked.”

Prudence bit her lip nervously, pushing open the door to Master’s dorm room and skittering inside. She delicately placed her radio on the flattest available surface, which happened to be between a stack of Gentleman’s Monthly magazines and a teapot with half a cup of tea and leaves still left in it. Master’s room had always been… well… he certainly did need his maid more often. She wished he would let her do more than just his laundry now and then, but…

She crept further into the dark apartment, stepping over and around the papers, antiques, replicas and assorted pieces of extraneous furniture that were strewn everywhere. She eventually found Church laying on his bed behind a teetering pile of books.

“U-um… I’m here now, Master…”

A sour expression crossed his face, but he didn’t get up, putting an arm over his eyes. “Well don’t say it like I’m the one who asked to have a chat at this bloody hour.”

“…Um… It’s just… I-I got a little worried, Master… You haven’t been coming to the clubhouse so often, a-and I haven’t seen you in a few days, and you keep ignoring me and you seem mad, a-and…”

“I’ve been busy, Prudence. It’s been, what… A month and a half since we’ve done anything in particular? I do, in fact, attend classes.”

“I-it’s been 57 days tonight, Master… but… y-you’re not mad?”

“About?”

“Well… I mean… t-that night with me… I guess…”

“And I’d pick a few months after to raise a fuss about it, would I?”

“Um… m-maybe?”

Church opened his eyes, squinting at the overwrought maid. She was nervously wringing the hem of her skirt, her eyes wide and watery. He sighed. “…I have nothing else to say about the incident to you.”

“Does that mean we… uh… made up, Master?”

He sat up, glaring at her a little again. “That depends on how much you’re planning on bringing it up again, doesn’t it?”

“O-oh…”

Prudence plopped herself down on the bed beside him, leaning into his shoulder as much as she thought would be subtle. Her heart leapt a little when he didn’t move away and just sighed. An awkward few moments passed, Church’s head drooping, then snapping back up a few times.

“So you’re just… here now, are you?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Human words can’t possibly describe how much I’d rather be sleeping right now.”

“O-oh… y-you can if you want, Master! I’ll just be here to watch over you…”

Church turned his head, his face getting heart-poundingly close to Prudence’s face. W-was he going to…?!

She must have been a good maid! A good, good, good, good maid! He was finally going to take her for himself! He’d just grab her by the chin and hold her close and they could just kiss and kiss and kiss until the sun came up and maybe they could even do some more without Master being all tied up and maybe he’d do it to her for revenge and he’d just treat her like his maid finally and just keep her all for himself all day and all night and just kiss her and tease her all day long until she was a panting mess and…

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18dffd No.313175

>>313173

Prudence began breathing a little more heavily, closing her eyes and ever-so-slightly puckering her lips, leaning forward and…

“…Are you actually trying to get away with doing this right now?”

“Y-yes?”

Church’s eyes narrowed. “I’d like to reiterate that by sleeping I mean not being awake.”

“U-um… I just… We never really, well… k-kissed properly and… well… i-it just felt… wrong…”

A long, tense moment passed before Church flopped down onto the bed and closed his eyes. “…I’m going to sleep. Do whatever’s going to stop you from disrupting me.”

It took Prudence a moment to process what he’d said. Did he… Did she… W-was it really okay?! He wasn’t really clear but… H-his eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. Was this that ‘sun-deer’ thing Saria was always trying to tell her about?

She leaned in a little closer to look at her Master’s face. It scrunched up a little when she got closer, but he relaxed again when she’d stopped moving. She hadn’t watched Church sleep when they’d… the last time. She’d seen him sleeping before, but she’d never been brave enough to get this close. He looked so much more peaceful and relaxed like this. It’s not as if she didn’t appreciate every second of him, even if he yelled at her or punished her or told her to make the tea over again, but… Church seemed so much less stressed this way. All the tension he kept wound up all day was gone, and she was just left with… just Master.

She couldn’t help it. She needed to get closer to him. She didn’t even know if she would have the courage to even try to kiss him again, but she straddled him regardless, moving her face as close as she dared to his. As she listened to his breath, she started to subconsciously try to match it, even if her heart was beating so much more quickly than his.

She let out a squeak of surprise when she was grabbed by the collar, Church’s eyes flying open. “For god’s sake, are you going to do it or not? You’re breathing down my bloody neck, and that’s to say nothing about the fact that you’re getting your hair in my face.”

Prudence alternated between biting her lip and soundlessly mouthing words. She’d ruined it. They’d had a moment and she could have taken it, but she screwed up again. Why did she have to be so… weird about it? Saria wouldn’t have been this shy…

Church shook the kikimora a little to bring her back to the moment. “Well?

“U-um… I-I mean, I… I wasn’t sure if… well… do you just feel obligated, Master? Because you don’t have to-mmm!”

Prudence was cut off when he dragged her to his face, kissing her a little awkwardly at first, but then settling into a more comfortable pace. When he parted their lips again, she was in shock. Master had just… a-and he just… took control! She could barely contain her excitement.

“There. For god’s sake, was that what you wanted?”

“U-uh… y-yes! Oh, thank you, Master. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! C-could, u-um…”

“If you shut up about your damned feelings and let me sodding sleep.

“A-anything, Master! B-but, I was just going to say that you don’t have to feel-”

“What did I just bloody say, woman?”

“S-sorry…”

The two moved closer, their lips touching more cautiously this time. Prudence settled in, trying to wrap herself around Church as much as she could. When they broke away again, she could only sit on top of him, dumbfounded at her luck. She’d finally done it! I-it hadn’t looked like he’d hated it, and well, he’d practically even suggested it! Maybe he’d… well, she didn’t want to ovu- speculate, but…

“Prudence.”

“Y-yes, Master?”

“You’re hovering.”

She’d been told off time and time again for hovering over him when she first started serving as his maid, but hearing such familiar words just felt… different now. “I-I’m sorry, Master…”

“At least bloody lay down instead of sitting on me. Is sorry the only thing you’re capable of saying?”

“I… R-right.” the kikimora rolled off of Church, taking a spot behind the man, cuddling up to his back.

“…you’re vibrating.

He’d noticed? Prudence had tried to hold back her excitement as much as she could, but… It felt better than Christmas! She even got to share his bed after… all that! She was quivering in joy to have her face buried in his clothes and his pillow and his bed and- W-was it a good moment? Should she…?

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18dffd No.313176

>>313175

“…I-I can’t help it Master…”

“Well, do your best, will you?”

“I-I just… I love you, Master!”

A long silence passed before Church cleared his throat. “Well, er… Ahem. I suppose you would, wouldn’t you? That… yes. Sensible. Well, it makes sense. I don’t know about sensible but, er… well. Was I doing something? Er, yes. Sleeping, wasn’t I? Aha…”

Prudence let out a pleased-sounding sigh and cuddled in tighter, not saying anything.

It was the sound of her bloody tail hitting the bed twice a second that was keeping Church from getting to sleep. He was sure of it. It had to be.

…Bloody maid.

***

Another day without having to worry about one of Church’s stupid raids.

It had been, what, two months since the dragon dorm raid? Marshall wasn’t counting, but it had to be around there. Since then, Church had basically called for a hiatus on the raids. They had stolen enough pairs to last them a while.

Of course, just because he didn’t have to deal with Church didn’t mean all his problems were gone.

“Maarrrrshhhieeee, are you ready to go to the clubhouse yet? Natasha’s bringing Balderdash, don’t you like Balderdash?”

Marshall, in fact, did not like Balderdash. As a matter of fact, any game sounded better than Balderdash right now. He was about to suggest something like Apples to Apples, but realized his folly at the last second.

“Mmmnhh, can’t we do somethin’ besides play board games and text? I’m kinda Balderdashed out.”

“Weeeelll…” Saria trailed a finger along Marshall’s shoulder. “I could always say you were sick and needed caring for, then we could fuck the day away~!”

Marshall gave her a defeated look. “B-balderdash it is.”

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18dffd No.313177

>>313176

***

Saria and Natasha lounged about outside of the clubhouse, waiting for Church to come by and unlock it. Their respective lovers were there too, Cheslav squatting beside Marshall who merely stood with his arms crossed.

“Where is Church? Comrade said he would be here ten minutes ago.”

“Dunno, usually he’s the first one here. What’s holding ‘im up?” Marshall wondered.

“I think that’s him, passing the fountain.” Natasha said, looking off into the distance. “Yep, that’s definitely Prudence there with him. She wouldn’t be following anyone else quite so closely.”

“Hey Prudence! Did it work? Is your first on her way?” Saria called out, causing Prudence to grab her arm and blush.

Church gave her a death glare as he approached her, but merely let out a deep sigh. “Shut up.”

“N-no, nothing like that happened.” Prudence whispered, giving Church a wide berth as he approached the door.

“It’s been quite a while since we’ve been in here, hasn’t it?” Church asked, loosening his tie and reaching into his shirt, pulling out a key attached to a string around his neck.

Marshall nodded. “Few weeks, at least.”

“You all stay out here, I need a minute with the wall.” Church rubbed his hands together in a way that made the rest of them shudder. Better let the man have his Church time.

Church clicked the door open, stepping inside the clubhouse…

For a while, none of them heard anything coming from inside the clubhouse. They began to get a little worried after ten minutes without a single noise.

“Y-you think he’s alright in there?” Prudence asked, taking a cautious step towards the door before stepping back. She couldn’t, not when he might be… well…

“I’m sure he’s fiiiine, he just needs a little help is all~!” Saria placed her hands on Prudence’s shoulders and began to walk her towards the door. “You should ‘accidentally’ stumble in and offer to give him a hand.”

“W-what? No, I couldn’t. I mustn't! That wouldn’t be… Proper maid etiquette.”

“Oh come on, if he’s in the middle of yankin’ it, it won’t even matter. He’ll be too worked up to refuse you~”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, I found out that if you get a guy horny enough, he’s much more likely to say yes to things he wouldn’t normally do.”

Marshall grabbed the back of his neck and sighed.

Prudence stood at the door for another minute, sighed, and decided that just going for it couldn’t hurt… right? Mustering up her courage, she grabbed the knob and clumsily barged into the room, trying desperately to make it look like it was an accident.

Master was lying on the ground, furiously… frothing at the mouth? “M-Master?! Are you okay?!”

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18dffd No.313178

File: 49b603ea23705b7⋯.png (629.82 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_crazy_Pruden….png)

>>313177

He spasmed periodically, but didn’t answer as she ran to him. “S-Saria, get in here! Something’s wrong!”

The elf squirmed outside. She was being invited?! “U-um, can Marshall come, too? Or should we like, make sure Church can get it up before he comes in?”

“W-whatever! I need help!”

Saria dragged Marshall along with her, excited to start her first foursome. She wondered if she could get Marshie and Church to do anything exciting…

“Oh.” She said, seeing Church lying on the ground. “You didn’t tell me you were that good Prue! C-can you teach me?”

“No! It wasn’t… I-I just came in and he was…”

“I don’t reckon this is what you think it is, Saria. He’s got his pants on, still.”

Natasha and Cheslav poked their heads into the door, curious about the commotion.

“Oh, hey. Did you move that weird-ass underwear collection outta here, finally?” Natasha asked.

Marshall perked up. “What?”

“Ah, must be out for cleaning, yes Prudence?”

The kikimora quivered. “N-no…”

“So you’re tellin’ me they’re gone?”

She nodded.

Cheslav dug around in his bag, pulling out his phial of smelling salts and holding them to Church’s face.

He sat up, sputtering from the smell, but Prudence could see something was wrong. He… He didn’t look mad! That never happened! Not except when he was asleep, and even that wasn’t every night. And when he looks at that picture… She had never been able to figure out what was in that frame, but it unnerved her.

“M-Master?”

Church looked up at her, his eyes dead.

“Are you alright, Master? I… D-did you see them?”

“…Who?”

“W-whoever stole everything! Master, you’re not… well… you’re not right, right now…”

“Oh, a thief? No, I suppose I didn’t… Doesn’t really matter, anyway…”

“T-the panties don’t matter?”

“N-no, t-this is what I wanted… doing it all over again… and again… maybe they’ll do this part again, too…”

Did they poison him? Hurt him? WHAT HAD THEY FUCKING DONE TO HIM?! She needed to shock him out of this!

“MASTER!”

“…hmm?”

“WE’RE GETTING MARRIED RIGHT NOW! GET THAT DICK OUT, WE’RE HAVING ROSE TODAY!”

“…Sure, whatever. Who cares? We’re all going to die pointlessly anyway, and my only legacy is already gone…”

What.

What?

No!

NO!

“MASTER, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Church laid back down, staring blankly at the ceiling.

“NO! YOU GET THAT CUTE LITTLE ASS BACK UP RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”

“…what?”

“WE’RE GONNA FUCKING FIND THOSE DUMB WHORES WHO TOOK THIS FROM US!”

“…no, what did y-”

“I’M NOT LETTING THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN GIVE UP LIKE A FUCKING PUSSY!”

“Prudence, I-”

“MASTER, WE’RE GOING TO FIND WHO DID THIS!”

“Do you think we-”

“WE’RE GOING TO GET THE PANTIES BACK AND THEN WE’RE GOING TO HAVE HOT, SWEET, BABYMAKING SEX ON TOP OF OUR TROPHIES!”

Prudence!

“WE’RE GOING TO MAKE THEM GIVE BACK OUR PAST, MASTER!”

PRUDENCE!

Oh.

Oh no.

Was that out loud?

She turned slowly back to Church, who had stood back up and had his regular scowl back on.

“…y-yes, Master?”

“First of all, I agree with half of that, and no bloody more. We’re not ruining my bloody collection to fulfill whatever bloody sex fantasy you were going on about. It’s unsanitary!

“I-I think you misheard me, Master… I said, uh… um… a-a party? W-with everyone?”

“You’re damned right we’re finding them, you feathered wench! It had to be one of our enemies! We’re finding out who the fuck did this!”

He gestured at the empty frames with his cane.

“I HOPE YOU’RE FUCKING LISTENING YOU BLOODY CUNTS! I’M GOING TO FIND YOU, AND YOU’D BETTER DAMNED WELL HOPE YOU’RE OUT OF THE HEMISPHERE BY THE TIME I GET YOUR NAME, OR I SWEAR ON MY GRANDFATHER’S GODDAMNED CORPSE THAT YOU’LL WISH YOU HAD JUST KILLED YOURSELVES!”

Off in the distance, a chill inexplicably ran down Ash’s spine. She almost felt as if she’d awakened the spirit of someone long dead, but incredibly angry.

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18dffd No.313181

>>313178

***

“Y’know, we say that, but uh… who could it be? I mean, whoever did all this.” Marshall said, gesturing to the empty wall.

“It was probably one of the girls from a dorm we’ve already hit. You still have the list, don’t you Chap?”

They gathered around the poorly-repaired table, all leaning in to peer at the long list of monster names. After a few minutes of deliberation, the question floated up from Saria’s mouth.

“So, uh… who do you think did it?”

“Maybe… tiny ladies with wings? Sneak in, very quiet and tricksy?”

Church snorted. “If there’s one bloody lot on this list you could trust to be useless, it’s fairies. Next.”

“Look, I don’t wanna say it’s them, but what about the angels? Prudence, you were up there, right? What do you think?”

Roughly one year ago…

“Prudence, stop looking down. You’ll only make yerself more nervous.” Marshall said, looking over at the trembling kikimora clinging to Lady Lifts-a-Lot for dear life.

At first, Prudence was ecstatic when Master asked her if she would like to accompany him on one of his fabled ‘panty raids,’ it was the first time she was included, so she knew she had to make a good impression and not mess it up. However, she wasn’t told that they were going nearly half a mile into the air in order to reach the angel dorm.

“I-I’m sorry, Marshall… It’s just… Oh god.” Prudence retched, covering her mouth.

“Don’t you dare puke in Lady Lifts-a-Lot, you just cleaned her, remember?” Church reprimanded, bopping her on the head with his cane. “If you must throw up, do it on the clouds where it’ll probably fall on some poor bastard down below.”

Prudence shuddered at Master’s command, swallowing the maelstrom of unpleasantness forming at the back of her throat.

“O-okay Master, b-b-but why are we all the way up here? W-why the angels?”

“They were next on our list, and we specifically need your naivety for this mission.”

“Why me, Master?”

“Because the angel dorm doesn’t just open its doors for anyone, you need to be pure of heart… or some such poppycock. I know I’m right out, since I can’t stand the feathery whores, and I don’t trust either of these two buffoons not to crack while in the dorm. So- you’re our best bet.”

“Y-you’re sure, Master?”

“Of course I am. Go on, then.”

“But… y-you really think I’m pure?”

“Of heart? I hope so, unless you’d like to fall through those lovely clouds they decided to build the angel dorm on. Hup hup, mustn’t dawdle, my dear.”

Church jostled Prudence out of Lady Lifts-a-Lot onto the cloud in front of the dorm’s gate as the group waited expectantly. Her footing held, and she took off the safety harness that Cheslav had given her for the job and tossed it back to the balloon.

On one hand, Prudence was ecstatic that her Master was paying her such a compliment. He thought she was pure! She could already imagine herself in a beautiful white dress for him, and he’s look so handsome… He should probably get a nice white tie and waistcoat to match her dress, and they’d have a nice little theme for the reception. But how would they keep all the linens crisp right by the ocean? She supposed she’d have to do them all herself the night before to make sure it was all just right. She’d definitely have to wear something else for that, though. Maybe she could get a cute little black bikini and sew some lace onto it… Master would probably like that, wouldn’t he? And then they’d have to do the ironing all over again when he-

Prudence screamed, jumping as she slowly began to sink into the cloud beneath her. This was going to be a problem. She was so happy that Master thought she was pure, but… He wasn’t wrong exactly, she loved him more than anything else! She just had… urges sometimes.

…Periodically.

…P-pretty often, actually…

This was what she’d been worrying about. Was she going to be able to keep this up? She just tried to think of pure, happy thoughts. Puppies. Rainbows. Master’s tea. Oh! And that one time he-

No. She needed to stay on track. It felt a little embarrassing, since the boys were all still watching her, but she started to mutter under her breath.

“P-pure thoughts. Pure thoughts. Pure thoughts.”

She took a shaky step forward, and it seemed to help a little. The clouds seemed a little more solid again, and she made her way over to the gate. There didn’t seem to be any sort of bell, so she settled for trying to awkwardly rap on one of the golden bars.

She had to stand at the gate, chanting and trying to focus for a few minutes before a curious angel flew to the gate.

“Ah, fuck! Sorry, we usually don’t get people comin’ around.”

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18dffd No.313183

File: ee0e26052e6b995⋯.png (705.29 KB,900x1300,9:13,monster - TPR, sinking Pru….png)

>>313181

“Pure thoughts. Oh, that’s quite -pure thoughts- alright! I just got here. Pure thoughts, Prudence.”

The angel made a strange face at the kikimora. “You… um… alright?”

“Perfectly pure thoughts. E-er, fine, thank you. Perfectly fine. Would you let me in? Pure thoughts.”

“Right, shit! Come on in!”

It was working! A-and they just let her inside! She was afraid to turn back around, worried about whether Master was laughing at her for making such a fool of herself with the whole chanting thing. She shivered. What if they were all laughing at her? And Master wouldn’t let her live it down and make her just keep repeating it while he plowed her a-

“PURETHOUGHTSPURETHOUGHTSPURETHOUGHTS!”

“You sure you’re alright, girl?”

“Pure -yes- thoughts. I just… purethoughts… um… my mind is wandering a -purethoughts- bit is all. Isn’t this a bit dangerous?”

“What, the cloud shit? Fuckin’ yep. Allie’s down underneath us to make sure nobody dies, but I dunno why they decided this was a good idea at all.”

“And you’re -purethoughts- okay? I mean, you’re kind of… purethoughts… I don’t know how to say this…”

“Sweary? Yeah, I fuckin’ catch shit for it all the time, ‘cause eeeegh, I’m an angel and I’m supposed to be a massive thundercunt about watching my language and shit. Don’t worry, girl, pure thoughts ain’t just about what you say. Fuckin’… this shit up here? Cleaner than a nun’s cooter.”

“Purethoughtspurethoughtspurethoughts… I-is that good?”

“Look, you’d think the houses of god were fuckin’ lesbian brothels from what those bitches get up to. I’ve seen some shit, believe you me. Uh, anyway, head’s clean. By the way, didn’t catch your name, unless it’s ‘pure thoughts.’”

“It’s Pure-udence. P-Prudence, sorry… Pure thoughts.”

“Angie. Nice to meet ya, Prudence. So, uh… why you here, anyway?”

“It’s um… -purethoughts- kind of… I mean, they told me not to -purethoughts- say anything, but…”

Prudence shuffled a bit uncomfortably, looking at her shoes. Should she? She didn’t want to give away Master’s plan, but Angie seemed so… well… nice. It couldn’t hurt to just tell her a little, right?

“Well, um… I-it’s for my Master…”

“No shit? I thought the clothes were just for show.”

“Erm… y-yes… It’s just, uh… well… There’s this thing he does with the other boys, a-and he has this big goal of collecting all these things and showing everybody how cool and manly he is…”

The angel grinned. “And you’re tryin’ to get some of that dick, right?”

“W-well, um… I-I wouldn’t mind if he did… a-anything he wanted, I guess…”

“An’ ya think this is gonna help ya get with him?”

“I-it’s the first time he let me join in. I really don’t want to mess this up, and… I mean, maybe if I fail he’ll punish me with- ”

The angel held up a hand. “Say no more. Aw, fuck, really though! You’re sinkin’ a bit, Prudence.”

The kikimora squealed when the looked down to find herself knee-deep in the cloud they were standing on. “PURETHOUGHTSPURETHOUGHTSPURETHOUGHTSPURETHOUGHTSPURETHOUGHTS!!

A few tense moments passed as Prudence tried to regain her focus, but she sighed with relief when she was back at the normal floor level.

“So, uh… What’s this shit you’re lookin’ for, anyway? I’ll give you a hand finding it, if you want.”

“Um…p-panties…” Prudence mumbled.

“Sorry, what? Didn’t catch that.”

“P-PANTIES!”

“Shit, that was it? Sure, I actually know this great lingerie shop just off campus. I’ve been kinda lookin’ for someone to go with, actually. There’s this cute little guy in my religious studies class I’ve been meaning to uh… well, you know…”

“N-no, I mean, well… they’re not for me…”

“Oh. OH. Shit, uh… Okay. What size does he wear?”

“N-not that either! He wouldn’t do something like that! Not even if I asked him nicely… Pure thoughts, Prudence. I… I’m supposed to borrow some for this collection he’s assembling…”

“…You’re… an underwear thief?”

“No, no! Mmm… m-maybe?”

“…And you’re sure about this guy? He might just be takin’ you for a ride, you know.”

“NO! He wouldn’t! He’s my Master and I’ve known him since we were just kids! W-we’re going to get married, someday… I just… I need to show him what I can do for him…”

The angel gave her a hard look and sighed deeply. “Follow me.”

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3d160f No.313184

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>313178

Why is the 4 child just named "D"?

>Not wants to fuck your maid

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18dffd No.313186

File: ae2baffb1685ef6⋯.png (420.16 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_Prudence_mee….png)

>>313183

Prudence had to wonder. Was that a yes? No? She wasn’t going to be taken away, was she? She didn’t say Master’s name, so he wouldn’t be in trouble, at least, but how long would it be before she could see him again? Her stomach twisted at the thought of having to stay away from him. What if he replaced her while she was gone? Someone had to make his tea and do his laundry… What if he liked the new girl better?! She couldn’t let this happen, could she? What if… what if she just made Angie… take a vacation. J-just for a little while! She just had to make sure there wasn’t going to be any trouble for anyone and then she could just go on and do whatever she wanted! Three- well, maybe four years, considering Master’s study habits, but that was the absolute maximum!

The angel turned around to look at Prudence, who had been creeping closer as they walked. “…Are you really planning to try and knock me out with a lint roller, of all things?”

“I-it’s all I have, okay?! Master didn’t tell me I was going to have to hurt anyone…”

“Relax, would ya? Tell me about this Master of yours.”

“I-I’m not giving you a name! No matter what you do!”

“God damn, girl.” Angie paused a moment and slapped a hand over her mouth, beginning to sink into the clouds herself.

“Fuck, dude, it’s a figure of speech! You don’t need to get so testy about it! Sorry. Shit!” She yelled at the sky. When the angel turned back to Prudence, she cleared her throat. “Sorry. Uh, I meant why do you like him so much? What’s he like?”

Prudence perked up a little, being asked about him. Where should she even start? “Well, the way his family dresses is kind of weird, but it’s like… classic, you know? Like a proper Victorian master. I kind of want to get a special maid dress just for him, but I think it would be kind of embarrassing to wear around… Oh! He also hates it when you put milk in his tea at all, but… uh, don’t tell anyone, but he likes a lot of sugar in there, but he always just pretends it’s black…”

“Oh! Do you have any suggestions about tea? Matthias… that’s that guy’s name by the way, he kind of likes it, so I wanted to like… blow his mind, right? Like, I bring him back here and give him something that’s gonna just fuckin’ make him wanna keep coming back for more.”

“Oh! Uh, viagra doesn’t really work in tea, actually. There’s too much acid and heat.”

“What? No, I meant- well, I mean… N-no. I mean, just a really good… Wait, fuck. We’re supposed to be talking about your guy, not mine. What’s he actually like?

“Well, um… he can be a little harsh sometimes… but he has a good heart! A-and he loves me… I think. I really, really really love him! Our wedding is gonna be beautiful! I’m just not sure whether we should have a daughter first so she can be the flower girl, or just save all six of them for after we’re married…”

“Yeah, I don’t really know what I want to do, either. I mean, on one hand, they’d get to see our wedding and how cute Matthias is gonna look in that tight-ass suit, but like… what if he doesn’t wanna do anything until after we’re married? Like, I’m not gonna do any of the more kinky shit like hypnotising him or putting stuff in his butt until after, obviously, but like, should I do the angel thing right, or would he be down for some fun before?”

“W-what? I… um… I-I dunno… aha… a-anyway, why are you flapping your wings?”

The angel, desperate to cover up the fact that she was sinking into the clouds below, blushed. “W-uh… n-no reason? Just… stretchin’ them. Fuckin’ cramped in here, right? Eheh…”

“Uh… s-sure…”

“ANYWAY. Panties, right? Panties. Here’s my dorm room, by the way… Aha… Don’t really have a laundry hamper or any of that kinda shit, so, uh… just pick a pair you like up from that corner. …Ish.”

“Oh, um… I don’t want to seem ungrateful or anything, but… Do you have any clean ones? Master really hates anything that isn’t perfectly laundered…”

“…What? Doesn’t he like… use ‘em?”

“He’d never! Trust me, I tried a few times, but he doesn’t even pay any attention to them… He just hangs them up on the wall to look at.”

“Oh, uh… sure, right. Lemme get you somethin’, then.”

***

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18dffd No.313187

>>313186

Lady Lifts-a-Lot’s basket swayed uncomfortably as Church attempted to pace back and forth in the small space. “Where the bloody hell is that- ah. There she is.”

Prudence emerged from the gate, followed by the sloppy-looking angel that had let her into the dorm itself. “Oh, fuck it all. Where the hell are we going to find someone else to break into this damned place now that she’s caught?”

“Maybe she did it all sneaky-like and that angel don’t know?” Marshall suggested.

“Master! I got them for you!” The kikimora yelled, waving a lacy pair of underwear over her head, Angie blushing behind her.

“What the hell are you doing?! Put those away, she’s right behind you!”

“Who, Angie? Oh, she knows, Master, don’t worry. I told her what we needed and she just gave them to me!”

Church paused for a moment, his face blank. “You… asked?”

“Yeah! It turns out Angie is really friendly! Like, you’d think they’d be kinda stuck-up abou-”

“YOU FUCKING ASKED, DID YOU?!”

“Y-yes?”

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF OUR BLOODY MISSION, YOU DAMNED CHICKEN-WOMAN-DOG-THING? WE DON’T ASK, WE TAKE!

Waving his finger madly, Church stepped off the balloon to scold Prudence on the-

“FUCK!” He yelled, dangling a few feet below the balloon, held up by a safety harness.

“Is why always tell Church, ‘wear rope on balloon comrade!’” Cheslav yelled over the side.

“I DIDN’T FUCKING NEED IT, YOU DOLT!”

“Cheslav thinks you did, Church.”

“PRUDENCE, DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE THINK YOU’RE OFF THE HOOK! IF YOU GIVE THESE BINTS AN INCH OF SLACK, THEY’LL TAKE A DAMNED MILE! FIRST IT’S ASKING, THEN IT’S A FUCKING FAIR TRADE FOR YOUR OWN UNDERWEAR, AND THEY MAKE YOU WEAR THEIRS AS THEY FUCKING STICK THINGS IN YOUR BLOODY ARSE!”

“M-Master, I don’t think it’s quite tha-”

“IF YOU FUCKING LOOK AT THESE WHORES THE WRONG WAY, THEY’LL EAT YOUR ARSE FOR BREAKFAST! YOU FUCKING ASK FOR THE TIME AND YOU HAVE A FAMILY OF GODDAMN SIX!”

Prudence cringed a little at the number, if not for herself, for their lovely (future) daughters Lily, Rose, Daisy, Violet, Petunia and poor little Nightshade (she was going to be so troubled.) With the commotion being raised, an angel who had been circling below the dorm flew up lazily to see what the noise was about.

“Uh, are you alright, sir?”

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU STRUMPET! I DON’T WANT YOUR BASTARD CHILDREN!”

What?

“I-I’m sorry! He’s just… um… s-stressed out a little right now. I-isn’t that right, Master? Why don’t I give you a back rub when we get back home?”

“SILENCE, YOU PETULANT BROTHELMISTRESS!”

“U-uh, okay? Take care, I guess?” The angel said, flying away.

***

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18dffd No.313188

>>313187

Present day (Current year)

“N-no, they’re too nice for that…” Prudence decided.

“Yer sure?” Marshall asked.

“Yeah, definitely. I even saw Angie last week, and she didn’t really seem mad or anything…”

“Welp. I’m fresh out of ideas.”

The gang looked around the room in silence, devoid of a plan on what to do next.

“M-Maybe we could ask around?” Saria suggested.

Church rubbed his chin. “We should probably start with someone recent, I can’t imagine someone from our first raids holding a grudge for that long.”

“You sayin’ it was the dragons?”

“We can’t rule out anybody just yet, but I was thinking… perhaps the cheshires?”

Natasha piped up. “Look, we can sit around and speculate all we want, but the most important thing is that if we’re going to get information, we need to ask someone we’re on good terms with.”

The group went silent.

Natasha snorted. “Of course, I wouldn’t get my hopes up, considering you’ve basically wronged everyone on campus.”

“What? Of course not. There’s got to be be a monster that’s willing to help us. How about… no, that’s right out. Or maybe… no, not her either. Chap, surely you know other monsters besides your bloody girlfriend, right?”

Cheslav squatted, deep in thought. “Mmmm. No, not thinkings of any, comrade. Maybe talk to alps?”

“LOOK, UNLESS YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT TREATING US TO A SWISS VACATION, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR A DAMN THING ABOUT THE ALPS!"

Meanwhile, Marshall was scrolling through his phone contacts, mumbling to himself.

“Marshie, whatcha lookin’ at there?” Saria asked.

“Nope, no, definitely not her… definitely don’t wanna hear from her again… I don’t even remember this one…”

It wasn’t long until Church also began to take an interest in Marshall’s phone. “Marshall, where did you get all those bloody numbers?”

“Don’t you remember? Back when we first started doin’ raids… I would have to give out my number to quiet down summa them monsters.”

“Hey, I was one of those monsters!” Saria pouted, upset at this new information.

“Now now, Saria. The difference between you n’ them is that you were persistent. Veeery persistent.”

Saria pouted, but in the end, she was the one who ended up with him.

“Oh wait, that dhampir girl… Isabella! She still owes me a favor!”

“Isa-who now?” Prudence asked.

“That one time that I was ‘necessarily sacrificed’ by Church. You weren’t there for that one.”

“Necessary… sacrifice?” Saria looked at Church with suspicion.

“You don’t wanna know, trust me.”

“Marshall, you’re not seriously considering contacting that bloody vampire half-breed, are you?” Church asked.

“She may be our best bet, partner.”

“Hrrrmm…” Church rubbed his temples. “Fine, I suppose she can come here. But if I feel like she’s about to blab our location to the enemy, we need to… dispatch her.”

“Looks like the enemy already knows where we are.”

“Fuck. That’s right, isn’t it? In any case, be on your guard. I’m not making the mistake of assuming her innocence.”

***

Isabella straightened her corset and looked down at herself. Was it too much? She didn’t want to come on too strong again, but… well, she hadn’t really expected Marshall to talk to her again, so she had just wanted to put on something cute, so he’d have something to look at. Was her skirt too short? She didn’t know if that’s the kind of thing he’d even be into. She might have tried to find some of those really short jean shorts so she could kind of match with the cowboy look he seemed to go for, but that wouldn’t exactly be her would it? It would just look like she was trying too hard to impress him.

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18dffd No.313190

File: 57a263617846936⋯.png (546.53 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_saria_angry_….png)

File: 454a618085cb0a6⋯.png (84.01 KB,260x306,130:153,MARSHIE.png)

>>313188

Right. Marshall. Weird portable classroom thingy. Six o’ clock. Six o’ clock? She checked her watch. Six-ish. She’d be fashionably late. Perfect. She walked up to the door, but just as she was about to knock, a short elf making a face like >:C opened the door.

“…You’re late.”

“Oh, sorry. Wait, is this like uh… one of those parties?”

“Why would we call you here if we didn’t need you to be here? Of course it’s one of those.

Oh. Well. Huh. She didn’t really know Marshall was that kind of person. Isabella was getting a little less sure about the whole thing. The elf was kind of cute and all, and she could see that she was probably more here for the girl, but the dhampir had never really been interested in that kind of thing. Still, she might get a little blood and some fun with Marshall again for the trouble, so she supposed it wasn’t all bad.

She walked in, followed closely by the elf. Was she staring at her butt or something? Ah, there was Marshall. A-and a bunch of other guys and girls? “H-hey, Marshall! How’s it going, cutie? You didn’t say there’d be this many people… aha…”

Marshall began to sweat. Did she think that they were… Aw, shit.

“Oh, uh… yeah, sorry ‘bout that…”

Church pulled the Texan aside. “Marshall, what in the hell did you send her?”

“Just like a regular invitation text! I swear!”

“Let me see!”

Church scowled and read the text out in a poor Texan accent.

“And I quote: Lmao hey bby u wanna come? I wanna have you repay that favor ya owe me remember? ;)”

“I-I added come over after! It was an honest mistake!”

“It was five years too bloody late by that point! If they see something like that, those damned mouthbreathers don’t have the wherewithal to even read any more. And a fucking winky face? Are we in the third bloody grade again?”

“I didn’t even have a- You know what? Whatever. I screwed the pooch on this one, alright? Let’s just get the info out of her and get to work.”

“You would screw a damn pooch girl, wouldn’t you?”

You fuckin’ threw me in front of that anubis yourself and y’goddamn know it. You sure as hell weren’t comin’ back, so I had to get out- Dammit, stop distractin’ me!”

Marshall gingerly walked up to the dhampir and patted her shoulder. “So, uh… hey, it’s nice to see you again! Anyway, I uh… well, I think y’might’ve gotten the wrong idea about-”

“MARSHIE!” Saria, making a face like >>>>>:CCCC popped up between Marshall and Isabella, trying to make as much distance as possible between the two. “Who is this? W-why are you touching her?!”

“Uh, she’s… A friend Saria, don’t worry about it, okay?”

“S-she smells like you!”

Isabella spoke up. “Oh, we didn’t start without you or anything, we just fucked a few months ago! Anyway, it looks like you have a bigger lead on me anyway.”

“WHEN?!”

“Uh, Saria, it’s-”

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18dffd No.313191

File: ea5ec15c01b50d2⋯.png (494.13 KB,900x900,1:1,monster_-_TPR_DONT_YOU_SAR….png)

>>313190

“DON’T YOU ‘SARIA’ ME, MARSHIE! DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE?!”

“Well, it was before I knew you, okay? That don’t mean anything right now.”

“THEN WHY IS MISS SUCK AND CUCK EVEN HERE?!”

“Wait, are we roleplaying right now?” Isabella asked.

“No, that’s what I was trying to say! I-” Marshall was cut off when Saria jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him desperately as her feet dangled off the ground.

“HE’S MINE! JUST FOR ME! STAY AWAY FROM MY MARSHIE!” The elf hissed.

“Uh, okay? W-what were you saying, Marshiiiii… Marshall?”

“Uh, right. Saria, stop grabbin’ my dick, I’m tryin’ to talk here! Anyway, I was tryin’ to say sorry if that text came out a little wrong, we’re actually lookin’ for some help tracking down some monsters…”

***

“Aaanyway, now that you’ve got the whole story, any ideas on who it wa-”

“It was the vampires, I just know it!” Isabella said without skipping a beat.

Well. That was an awfully quick answer. Almost as if it’s to hide the truth.” Church slowly hobbled towards Isabella, raising his cane.

“Settle down, Church. Vampires n’ Dhampirs just have some kinda… natural rivalry? They’s like snakes and eagles.”

“C’mon, it only makes sense!” Isabella continued. “You stole the headmistress Carmilla’s underwear, right? That’s why I’m even here in the first place. She must’ve noticed, and decided to get back at you. Vampires are spiteful creatures! I should know.”

Marshall drummed his fingers on the table, deep in thought. “Well, that’s some mighty rock solid reasonin,’ but by that logic, any of them monsters we hit is still fair game. Only difference with the vampires’ is that we double crossed ‘em.”

“And they could be extra salty about that.”

“Hrrmm… I dunno, Isabella. Still doesn’t sound like we got enough evidence yet.”

“I say we give it a shot.” Church said, barging into the conversation.

“Uh… ya sure, bud?”

“Of course I’m sure, we’ve got to start somewhere right? Besides, those high-class hussies deserve a good interrogation.”

Isabella rubbed her legs together at the mention of interrogations. “Uhhh, yeah! Interrogations sound good. But uh… what are you going to do to them?”

“Er… I hadn’t really thought that far.”

“C-can I suggest something? We could just invite her here and-”

Church slapped his cane on the ground. “No, NO! Absolutely not! We’re going to question the head vampire in her room, and that’s it! We can’t risk her being innocent and then knowing where our clubhouse actually is!”

Isabella looked down, disappointed.

“Alrighty, looks like we’re gon’ pay the vampires another visit. Anything we need t’gather before we go?”

“Actually, yes. Only one thing, though. I probably won’t even need Chap’s help, not even Prudence could screw this up.”

“O-ohh..? What are you planning, master?”

“Prudence… we’re having Italian tonight.”

“W-WE’RE GOING OUT FOR DINNER TOGETHER?!”

“No, that’s- I meant we should… whatever. Make some Italian food, I’m not paying a restaurant for that tripe.”

“O-okay…”

***

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18dffd No.313192

>>313191

This is the first half of chapter 13, more to come later.

It's almost done (tm), but it's looking like it'll be at least 50 pages when it's done, so hopefully this will tide you over for a while

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18dffd No.313193

File: 97643c2d024275c⋯.png (9.14 KB,676x134,338:67,2017-09-04_00-36-08.png)

>>313190

bonus dialogue left out because it was better than the rest of the story tbh

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2d6591 No.313205

File: d6dab01e7c2c0eb⋯.jpg (66.63 KB,1000x544,125:68,oh boy.jpg)

>>313191

>panty raiders update

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222fb9 No.314561

>>313192

>it's almost done

all god things must end.

is saria ever going to get her bondage session?

>>313187

man, church is such a cunt

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cf1e32 No.325169

File: eda7a7049caf042⋯.png (80.04 KB,200x192,25:24,BC546421-DE7C-44D9-827E-7C….png)

Please come back.

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a27b01 No.334352

File: 7bdf228d344a3a5⋯.png (372.23 KB,500x500,1:1,2fbd850465ad32c3cde3170c36….png)

>several months later

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b18fc8 No.337036

>>313191

>it's been five months

jesus

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283bf5 No.337041

Please don’t kill me. Only saving this thread.

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d1a30e No.337048

>>337041

do the board a favor and kill yourself.

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07adf1 No.337059

>>337048

To be honest if the thread get lost in the forum, there are even less chances of the story coming back. Sadly it seems it has been abandoned, but there is hope at least.

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f6e085 No.337643

Chapter 13: When was you when panties was steal?

At the Vampire Dorm…

“So… that’s it? No elaborate scheme or anythin’? We just waltzin’ in durin’ the daytime?” Marshall asked.

“Come now, they’re all asleep. Nobody is more willing to talk than someone miserably fucking tired who just wants to fucking get back to bed. I have… experience.” Spat Church.

“If that was so easy, why didn’t we just raid the vampires in the daytime in the first place?”

Church stopped talking, giving Marshall a death glare. “Because, you idiot… er… we were… busy.

“What? No we weren’t.”

“If you’d paid any bloody attention, you could have figured out the kind of threat we were dealing with, but I handled it myself. You can’t trust the bloody help these days to take any damned initiative.” Church said grandiosely, turning his nose up at the other man.

Marshall gave him a scrutinizing glare, but he didn’t budge, so he let it go.

“Alrighty then. We headin’ in through the window?”

“Of course we are, you dolt! That door squeaks like a dormouse in heat.”

Church motioned for Cheslav to open the window, and they crept in, taking care not to make too much noise.

“Oh god, I forgot just how gaudy their dorm is. Come, quickly. Her room is upstairs.”

The gang crept upstairs, but before they could reach them, they heard something coming from the den. It sounded like… a laugh? It sounded hollow and forced.

“I thought you said everyone was asleep!” Marshall whispered to Church.

“Well they damned well ought to be! It’s two in the bloody afternoon!”

Isabella tensed up. “We should check it out. I mean, what if she comes out? We should just take her out now, while she’s unaware. We could tie her up and make her… uh… never mind. Knock her out? Knock her out is what I was saying.”

“Oh, good. Are you as much of a muffer as our resident elf is?”

Saria frowned. “Am not! I’m dating Marshie!”

“I’ve seen those filthy eyes on my maid more than once. Do try to restrain yourself, wouldn’t you?”

“I do! For practice, mostly… I prefer when Marsh- hey!”

The dhampir turned away. “L-look, I don’t see what this has to do with anything. Are we going or not?”

“Ah, the rhetoric of a woman who knows she’s lost. Yes, I think we shall.”

The group slipped in the door, closing on the single woman in the room.

The vampire sat on a couch in front of a pitifully small CRT TV, wearing a grimy-looking sweatsuit with the batman logo on it. The room was dimly lit by a rerun of How I Raped Your Father. The silence of the room was broken by another hollow-sounding laugh track after a succubus stood up and rattled off an inane line about enjoying sex. The vampire watching had to muffle her sniggering with a pillow from the couch, seemingly unaware of the party’s presence.

“Ahem.” Church said, trying to get her attention.

The vampire finished giggling and began shovelling food into her mouth. “Oh, Bernie. You always know what to say.”

“AHEM.”

The vampire turned, a tub of ice cream in one hand emblazoned with a cartoon mosquito girl advertising its ‘yummy new blood flavour!’

“U-um…” She said, barely understandable around the spoon still in her mouth.

The girl put down the tub of ice cream slowly and looked around the room. “O-oh! I guess I was sleepwalking again! A-and did you guys change the channel on me? I was watching… um… M-Mad Women…

Isabella, hardly paying attention, stepped forward, grinning, when the vampire broke out into tears.

“I-I know! I’m a freak! Even I don’t know what’s wrong with me! It’s just all so… it’s hard, alright?! Trying to play it cool all the time…”

The dhampir was confused. “Wait, what?”

“A-and the sweatpants! Why are they so comfortable!? even my soft skirts are itchy! But I have to dress up, or everyone is going to make fun of me!”

“No, I don’t really care about that… Why don’t you just be a good girl and turn-”

“Oh, do it! Complete strangers are going to make a mockery of my entire life! I don’t even care anymore! If I have to attend one more stuffy ball without having Bernie’s jokes to comfort me, what’s the point in even unliving?!”

“I… what? That’s not what we’re here for. I just-”

“Y-you’re not here to humiliate me?”

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f6e085 No.337645

File: 52e54c46e86bff4⋯.png (952.28 KB,900x2100,3:7,monster_-_TPR_chp12_Carmil….png)

“No, I just need you to shut up. Look, I’m not going to do too much to you, then we’ll just leave you here, and eventually, someone can come untie-”

“For god’s sake, are you still on about this, you half-breed?” Church asked, indignant.

“You can just, uh… well, I want to be there for Carmilla, too, so maybe just like… wait outside for half an hour or something? It shouldn’t take too-”

“For fuck’s sake, I don’t have the time to waste sitting around waiting for a rapist to finish her damned work. We’re doing this to fight your damned kind.”

“I-I wasn’t going to do anything like that! I just needed to… to torture her to show her her place!”

“Shut your trap or we’ll be leaving you behind as a distraction for the rest of this den of whores. You, vampire. You said we were strangers?”

“S-should I know you? I just transferred in from M State a few months ago, and-”

Yes you should bloody know us! We’re the scourge of-”

“SORRY ‘BOUT THAT, MISSY! We’re just, uh… passin’ through right now. Big surprise thing goin’ on soon, so don’t tell anyone we were here, y’hear?” Marshall interjected.

The vampire nodded. “S-so, do you guys like sitcoms? I-I have this one episode that-”

Quite busy, thank you. Unless you’d like to wine and dine your victim first, Isengard.” Church said, angry at having been interrupted.

“My name’s Isabella! And I’m not doing anything like that with the enemy!

“Well you’re not bloody taking Marshall out with the elf around, so let’s move on, shall we?”

Leaving the vampire behind, they continued up the stairs and soon stood in front of a familiar door.

“Whelp, here we are. Anybody want to volunteer to go in first?”

“Get out of the way, I’ve got this.” Church shoved Marshall out of the way and wrenched the door open.

Sure enough, there was Carmilla, passed out on her bed with the covers disheveled.

“There’s our damned bint. Quick Chap, lock the door behind us.”

Cheslav nodded, there was a click from the door behind them.

“Alright, now let’s give this harlot a rude awake- Is that a bloody Alucard body pillow?”

Sure enough, nestled between her arms was a pillow depicting a surprisingly scantily-clad vampire holding a rose in his mouth.

“…I think I’m going to vomit.” Church muttered under his breath, approaching the bed. “Wake up, you scarlet-chinned tu-”

Church was cut off as the covers shifted next to her, and a man rolled from under them, with brown hair, a fit physique, and no clothes whatsoever.

“Oh, for god’s sake, lad! Do fucking dress yourself!” Church snapped, in his shock.

“Unnhhh…” The guy looked around the room until his eyes settled on Isabella, then he flailed, desperately trying to cover himself with the comforter. “S-shit! Izzy, what are you doing here!?”

Isabella yelped, covering her eyes and turning away. “Richard? Gross! Didn’t you say you were done with this… broad?

Suddenly, Carmilla stretched in the bed, her eyes slowly fluttering open. “NNNN…Ritchie honey? What’s wr- Oh. OH! OH!!” She, too, scrambled so that her entire body was hidden under the covers. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE!?”

Marshall gave Isabella a strange look. “You two… know each other I guess?”

“Ugh, of course! He’s that little twerp’s brother! …Wait, did you really call me a broad?” Carmilla interjected, giving Richard a dangerous glare.

“N-no, I-”

Brother?” Team Good ol’ Boys said in unison.

“Well, I can obviously see that even though I indulge in your gross fantasies like letting you call me ‘Izzy’ during intercourse, I haven’t earned any loyalty from you, boy.

“W-wait, what…?” Isabella looked towards Carmilla for clarification.

“Your brother apparently wants to think of you when he’s in bed with me, for some strange reason. I’ve put up with it because he really seemed like a nice guy, but apparently he’s just like the others.”

“The hell? Don’t you give her that bullshit! Isabella, I promise you it isn’t true, she’s just trying to get a rise out of you!” Richard yelled, desperately.

“R-Richard, I…” Isabella took a step towards her brother, tears dotting the corners of her eyes. “I… never knew you felt the same…”

“I- What?”

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f6e085 No.337646

Marshall visibly cringed, while Church eyed the door a few times and began slowly making his way towards it, even beckoning Carmilla to follow. Carmilla nodded, forming a temporary truce as they escaped the situation before it got any more out of hand.

“I… I’ve been wrestling with these feelings for so many years… I was always so jealous when you were in a relationship, and… I didn’t know why. I-I guess all along, I just wanted you to be thinking of me…”

“H-hold on, Izzy. You’ve got it all wrong. B-back me up here, guys! Isn’t this a little bit-”

He turned around, but found the room was devoid of anyone that could possibly save him. It was just him, and her now.

***

Carmilla breathed a sigh of relief.“Good lord, I can’t actually believe that worked.”

“Wait, what!?” Marshall asked in disbelief.

“I-I mean… O-of course I knew! I know my mortal enemy better than anyone, don’t I?”

Marshall rolled his eyes. “Well, for what it’s worth, at least we’re outta… that.

Carmilla smugly inspected her nails. “Mmm, not a problem at all. Besides, I’m much more interested in this cute little feud we’ve got going on.”

Cute? I try to conduct some serious bloody business and that’s all you’ve got? Cute?

“Mmmhmhm~ You could say I see you all as bags of blood rather than threats…” She crooned.

“And just what is that supposed to mean!?” Church raised his voice.

“Simple. I’m going to drain each of you until you’re too weak to run away, then keep you here while my precious dorm-mates have their fun with you. But don’t fret, we promise not to take too much… But by the time we’re done, I hope you’re not planning to do anything for a few weeks~.”

“As if we’re going to just let you do th-”

Church was suddenly pinned to the wall, his head being held to the side while her other arm held both of his hands behind his back.

“I’m afraid it’s not a matter of you letting me do anything… it’s more like… well, you couldn’t stop me even if you tried.” Carmilla chuckled sinisterly, starting to lean in with her fangs drawn. Just before she could bite, however, a familiar, hollow sounding laugh track broke the tension clouding the hallway.

“…What’s that noise?” Carmilla pulled away from Church, much to his secret relief. He hadn’t expected that attack. If she had bitten him then, his prepared countermeasure would have been useless.

The four of them stood in silence, listening in. Some more muffled words, followed by that same hollow laughter.

“There it is again! Ugh, who on earth is doing anything in the dorm this time of day?” Carmilla cautiously made her way to the den, peering inside to see the same vampire that Church and the gang encountered before, still giggling quietly to herself and eating ice cream.

“What in the everloving hell are you watching, Lucine?” The sweatsuit-clad vampire jumped at Carmilla’s shout.

“O-Oh! Uh… I thought- but… T-this isn’t what it looks like?!”

“Is this a… one of those vacuous sitcoms?”

Lucine hesitated. “…Y-yes it is! I’m not… n-not ashamed of it, okay?”

“Oh, for god’s… I’d rather have my questionably-incestuous bisexual archrival in this dorm every fucking day in preference to having whatever shit that you’re watching even exist in my dorm!”

“B-but-”

Church interrupted the stuttering vampire. “Excuse you. I am not a bisexual.”

Carmilla squinted at him. “What? Not you, Isabella!”

“…Who’s that now?”

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f6e085 No.337647

File: b23625be057fe0b⋯.jpg (197.41 KB,1600x1129,1600:1129,churcc.jpg)

File: 8abb18b31f8a66b⋯.png (750.06 KB,900x2100,3:7,monster_-_TPR_chp12_Carmil….png)

“She’s- You know what? Shut up.” The vampire closed in, knocking Marshall and Cheslav aside with ease as she went straight for the loudmouthed cunt. It was bad enough that she had to be awake, much less deal with this ridiculous idiot who couldn’t even keep up with the conversation. “All this excitement has gotten me hungry. Now come here, you-”

The vampire pinned Church to the wall again, but as she went in for his neck, she suddenly gagged. “O-oh g-ugh What the FUCK did you eat?”

Church grinned, leaning in as close to Carmilla’s face as he could. “Hmm? Oh, I just hhhhad to have some Italian earlier. Delicious stuff, isn’t it? My maid makes a lovely 40 clove chicken, but of course I couldn’t turn down a plate of garlic parmesan alfredo and some absolutely stunning garlic bread first, of course.”

Somewhere back at the clubhouse, Prudence shuddered with arousal, though she wasn’t sure exactly why.

A small crowd of sleepy vampires began to gather, watching Church and Carmilla after being roused by the sound of the latter trying desperately not to vomit.

“Oh, you simply must try this new health craze that’s been going around! I’ve got a bottle right here! Did you know you can make tea out of garlic?” A vampire giggled, but quickly covered her mouth as Carmilla tried to crawl away, begging. “Oh, no need to be shy! Here, just open your mouth, I’ll help you drink it!”

“NO! NONONO! I’M SORRY! I WON’T DO IT AGAIN! STOP! STOP IT!” Carmilla screamed in desperation.

“Why, whatever could you be talking about?”

“I HELPED STEAL YOUR STUPID PANTIES! I DON’T HAVE THEM ANY MORE, STOP!”

“Oh, my! Are you saying that you’ve stooped to a level even lower than the common man?”

“W-what are you-?”

Church leaned in menacingly. “SAY IT.

“W-whatever! Fine! We’re the same, who cares?!”

“My, my! Did you hear that, ladies? Your leader is worth even less than a mere mortal man!” Church said, standing in triumph.

A few jeers rose from the crowd, and Carmilla blushed when she realised what she’d just said.

“Now, would you like to give me a list of your friends? I’d like to have some words with them.” Church said, pulling a notepad from his jacket.

“I-I’m not going to-”

“Ah, ah, ah. You’ve got nothing left to protect and a delicious bottle of tea waiting for you.”

Carmilla froze, gagging from the smell before snatching the notepad from Church and scribbling furiously into it. “J-just… just go already! You got everything you wanted!”

“Well, then. That’s that, isn’t it? Oh, wait a moment.” Church grinned cruelly at the vampire. “You never did try the tea yet, did you?”

Marshall and Cheslav looked on in horror as he dumped the bottle of garlic tea onto Carmilla, prompting an uncomfortable laugh from the crowd.

“Was dumpin’ the tea on her really necessary partner?” Marshall asked as they left the dorm.

“Of course it was, you dolt. We had an audience!”

“Is- Oh hey, it’s Isabella.”

The dhampir jogged up to the group. “That was so much fun! What’s the next one?!”

Church paused. “Er… what?”

“We’re doing another, right? There was a bunch of them, soooo…?”

“I… Maybe? I hadn’t really planned to do anything for another w-”

“The great team Good Ol’ Boys wouldn’t leave the job half-done, right?”

Church cleared his throat and straightened up a bit. “Well, when you put it that way, we can’t-”

Marshall, realising what was happening, spoke up. “W-wait, Izzy, don’t-”

Now now, Marshall. Let the lady speak. After all, she’s got a point. And impeccable taste, as well… Chap, get the list, would you?”

“Eh… is spicy micies next, da?” The gopnik asked, gesturing to the notebook that Carmilla scribbled in.

“Then let’s go!” Isabella said, grabbing Marshall’s hand.

“W-wait, hold on! Let go o’ that! You’ll upset Saria!” The Texan warned, very spooperooed.

“What? She’s not even here, though.”

“I-I ain’t sure about that… I mean, this one time when I was-”

Isabella tuned Marshall out, looking around. J-just to make sure. She jumped a bit when she saw some rather knife-like leaves on some bushes, b-but they really did look like elf ears.

“Ha, shows what you know. I don’t see her any-”

Just then, out of her peripherals, Isabella caught a glimpse of a stone gargoyle on top of the vampire dorm that she swore just moved. Focusing on it, she eventually saw that it wasn’t a gargoyle, its’ ears were too long and… o-oh god.

Shuddering in newfound terror, Isabella let go of Marshall’s hand and looked back again, only to find the ‘’gargoyle’’ had vanished without a trace.

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f6e085 No.337648

The Hinezumi Dorm

“Saria, I know I agreed to let ya come along but… why? What we’re doin’ isn’t relevant to ya at all.”

“Oh come on, Marshie. You know I could never forgive myself… or ANYONE! I-if these… hinezumi were to try and… steal you away~” Saria reassured, squeezing Marshall’s hand a little too tightly and glaring daggers at Isabella, who cowered away, looking expectantly at Church.

“S-so, uh… Church… About the plan… You’re just going to-”

Church interrupted Isabella before she could finish even asking the question.

“Yes, we are. Now stop your petulant questions.”

“Mashiiiii-er-all. Marshall. You’re not worried about this? I mean, she’s a hinezumi, she won’t be a pushover!”

“Are you really doubting my Marshie?” Saria bitched.

The Texan in question rubbed the back of his head. “Saria, for god’s- Uh… Look, I’m not really the plannin’ type, but this seems like it should work just fine.”

“What did I just bloody say, woman? As soon as she’s doused, we’ve got her right where we want her.” Church lifted his foot to the door, preparing to kick it open, but then stopped, noticing it was the same sliding door he had tried to kick in the last time he was there.

“…Ah. Could, uh… be trapped, right? Keep your fingers clear.”

Church awkwardly slid the door open with his foot, eliciting a strange look from Isabella.

The group walked in, rounding the corner and finding Wai-fu standing alone in the courtyard of the hinezumi dorm. When she saw the buckets of water they were carrying, she crossed her arms and grinned, adjusting an oversized yellow sou’wester perched on her head.

“Did you jabronis really fuckin’ think I wouldn’t be ready for you this time?”

Church looked around awkwardly. “Er… yes, actually. What happened to the honour bit and all that?”

“You think that fuckin’ water bucket in your hand is fighting fair, crippleman?”

“Well pardon me for wanting to even the fucking odds.”

“Fuck you. Come on, then. You want your dirty underwear back? Come get ‘em. I’ll take you jabronis on any day.”

Excuse you, they’re perfectly clean.”

“STOP STALLING, FUCKBOY!”

The hinezumi may not have looked very imposing in what looked like her dad’s raincoat, but Church still didn’t like his odds to beat her, now that the water bucket plan was out of play.

“Er, right. Elizabeth, you’re up.”

There was an awkward silence before he turned back to look at the dhampir. “…Well?”

“Oh! Sorry, you meant me? My name’s Isabell-”

“Oh, spare me the details. Go on, then.”

Isabella rolled her eyes, drawing her rapier and standing in front of Wai-Fu, who was striking a pose of her own.

“C’mon, then. You first.” The hinezumi goaded.

“You think I was born yesterday? Striking first is always stupid. I read the “Art of War” too, you know.”

Wai-Fu clicked her tongue. “Maybe you’ve read it, but it takes a true warrior such as myself to truly understand the intricate philosophies that it holds.”

“Oh, so you’re a blowhard and a chuunibyou?”

The flames around the mouse burned a little brighter in her anger. “Who are you calling a chuuni, you… double chuuni?!”

“That’s it, now you’ve done it.” Isabella pulled back the blade of her rapier and whipped it against Wai-Fu’s chest.

“Ow, FUCK! I… I can’t believe you’ve done this!” The hinezumi wound up, countering with the hardest flaming punch to Isabella’s solar plexus that she could muster, sending the dhampir to the floor in one decisive hit.

Isabella coughed in pain, trying to get up before collapsing again. “I-I give… ow…”

Wai-fu stood above the dhampir smugly, the remains of her jacket dripping off her body from the flame. “Well? Who’s next? Come on, college boy.”

An evil-looking grin crossed Church’s face. “Hold her down, would you, lads? I think we’ve just solved our little problem.”

“What?” She looked down at her body and blanched when she saw that her protection against water had completely melted. “N-NO! FUCK YOU! THIS IS BULLSHIT! AT LEAST IT SMELLS LIKE IT!”

Church grabbed the bucket of water he had brought into the dorm, slowly circling the hinezumi, who had begun to panic.

“Er, look, come on, let’s not make this harder than it needs to be, now…” Marshall said, closing on the girl with Cheslav.

“S-so you like embarrassing me, huh?!”

“Goddamn it, grab ‘er Cheslav!”

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f6e085 No.337649

The hinezumi managed to kick Marshall in the groin before she was tackled, taking the Texan with her as Cheslav dragged her to the ground.

Church cackled as he poured the water on her, eliciting a panicked squeak.

When the flames on her body had been completely extinguished, the half-drowned rat squinted at the men, miserable. “T-this is bullshit! Let me go! …P-please?”

“Oh, no, my dear. We have a little business to sort out before we’ll be doing that. Why don’t we take you to your room?”

As they walked down the hall, Cheslav leaned over to Church. “Eh, does Church have plan for revenge? Did not talk about before leave…”

“Er… Yes. Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I? What a ridiculous question.”

Cheslav stared at the man in silence and Saria leaned in to eavesdrop.

“You know, you can tell us, Churchie~”

“Don’t think I don’t know what you get up to in that filthy den of lesbianism you call a dorm room. If I hear you call me that one more bloody time, I’ll be revoking your maid priv- Look. It’ll come to me, alright? She has to have something doesn’t she?”

The group marched into Wai-fu’s room, which was nearly completely devoid of any decoration, but more importantly, any obvious blackmail material.

“Well. Er… Hmm. Has anyone told you that you have the most boring room I’ve ever had the misfortune to break into?”

Church poked around at the few books she had on the shelf, trying to gauge her reaction, but the defeated hinezumi just smiled. “I’ve got nothing to hide from your little jabroni outfit. Good luck finding anything.”

Saria peered at one of the few decorations in the room, a poster of a man in a locker room. She hadn’t been able to recall where she’d seen it before, but when Wai-fu had said ‘jabroni,’ it clicked. “Hey, isn’t this just a picture from that one movie?”

“W-what?” the hinezumi squeaked, beginning to sweat.

“Yeah, like the leather guy in this picture comes in, and then the other guy is like ‘aah, you’re a jabroni, fag’ and then they wrestle for a bit and then the one guy fucks the other dude in the a-”

“WHAT?! N-NO?! WHO WATCHES THAT STUFF? NOT ME, HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“-And then after he’s done making the other guy jizz all over himself he-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! STOP IT!”

“Did you remember the part when he pulled out his c-”

“Stop! STOP! For the LOVE OF FUCK stop! Someone make her stop! Please!”

“Haha! Yes, we came here with your… exact weakness!” Church boasted, folding his arms victoriously. “Saria, keep talking about the… thing.”

Marshall cringed. “N-no, hold up. You really don’t want her to go down this rabbit hole. It just… it never ends! The last time she started, she only stopped when I- Aw god, I still feel dirty.”

“Sometimes I talk about it so much…” Saria leaned in, nearly sticking her entire face in the hinezumi’s ear. “…I rip the skin.

The rest of the group cringed, while Wai-fu continued to scream incoherently.

“A-alright, Saria. I think we’ve gone and done ‘nuff damage here. Whaddaya say we get outta here?”

“C’mon Marshie, I’m an artist, a performance artist.”

Just then, there was a knock at the door, followed by one of the other Hinezumi poking her heads in.

“Master Wai-Fu! We heard a mighty screech, is everything alright? Are these intruders?

Before Wai-Fu could even reply, Saria butted in. “Oh no, we were just talking about the greatest and most underrated gay pornos EVER!!!”

The hinezumi at the door cracked the door open more, revealing nearly every remaining hinezumi in the dorm behind her. “P-pardon…?”

Wai-Fu tried to speak again, but Saria once again cut her off. “Okay! So like… basically there was these japanese guys who edited some gay porn clips together and made this really cool video, and then people were like ‘where were these from?’ So after some digging, it turns out there was this company that made these really cheesy gay pornos in the late 90’s, and a really-”

Saria continued her excited rambling to the crowd of hinezumi, who looked anywhere from disgusted to desperately fascinated as she continued her explanation.

Church walked up to Wai-fu, who had curled into a ball, trying to pretend that this wasn’t happening. “Well, er… That’s that, I suppose.We’ll, er… we’ll see ourselves out.”

Saria began squirming as Marshall picked her up, hoisting her over his shoulder. “Come on, Saria, let’s leave the poor mice to stew, alright?”

“But Marshiiiiiie! I wasn’t done! I’ve gotta tell them about how those guys were betting their ass-”

“I’ll make breakfast for us tomorrow if ya behave.”

The elf froze. “Okay, let’s go! You guys can just message me on my tumb-”

“Hush.” Marshall patted Saria’s butt, making her squeal and cut herself off.

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f6e085 No.337650

The Jinko Dorm

The next evening, the men arrived at the jinko dorm. Marshall was carrying the grappling hook that they borrowed from the McGuffin twins.When they were at the foot of the dorm, he threw it up… only to have it sail back down, failing to catch on anything.

“Huh. Weird.” Marshall reeled it in and wound up, tossing it again only to have the same thing happen.

Church scoffed. “Oh come now, don’t you practice this every night at the ranch with that elven whore?

“S-shut up, I’m jus’ tired, alright?”

Cheslav naruto-walked up, patting Marshall on the shoulder. “Is alright Comrade Marshall, happens to all men sometimes. I will do.” Upon saying that, he summoned the power of grappling hook throwing-no jutsu and caught it on the windowsill in one try.

“…Wait, are you tryin’ to say I can’t get it up? I-I can! …Fuck off.”

Cheslav looked at him with confusion. “But you did not get up, yes?”

“Will you two stop chatting about your cocks? I’d like to get home tonight.” Church said, tapping his foot.

“Alright, alright. I’ll head up-”

“Excellent.” Church said, jumping onto his back. “Alright, off we go.”

“Are you fuckin’… Sure. Whatever. Who cares? Not me.”

Several feet up the rope, Church groaned. “Can’t you go any faster?”

“Look, partner, it ain’t easy draggin’ us both up a goddamn rope when y’ain’t helpin’.”

“As much as pulling your own weight is Herculean all on its own, what aaaaaAAAAAAAAAA!” Church was cut off when their grappling hook was suddenly jerked upward, shaking the rope.

“Eh, Church? Cheslav thinks we are caught… Perhaps go another way?”

“Ha. N-nonsense, it’ll save us the time of making an entrance if the stripy whore already knows we’re here.”

The rope wobbled dangerously again, threatening to come out of Marshall’s hands at any moment. “C-Church, look… P-panties, right? I mean, they’re just panties, right? Isabella isn’t here any more to back us up, so why don’t we just get off here, nice and careful-like, then we can-”

“Marshall, we’re here for revenge. I won’t hesitate to use this cane as a riding crop if you don’t control your filthy little display of cowardice.”

Somewhere, Prudence and Saria, who had been writing their newest fanfiction together, simultaneously shuddered in pleasure.

“Come on, then. Our target’s doing half the bloody work anyway, get on with it.”

Narjala poked her head out the window, and seeing Marshall’s fear, she yanked the rope a little harder this time, eliciting an unmanly scream from the Texan.

“W-we were just leavin’!”

“No we’re bloody not! Are you going to let a woman do all the work, or is that the usual case when the elf bends you over the kitchen table?”

“H-hey, fuck you, Church! It ain’t liaaAAAA!”

In one last great effort, the jinko pulled the three men through the window and into her room, pinning them down in a mess of twisted ropes and limbs.

“Marshall, get- GAH, FUCK!” Church felt the wind taken right out of him as the jinko slammed a fist into his stomach.

“You boys have a lot of fucking nerve coming back here, you know. Now, since I'm a nice kitty, I'll give you all a chance to explain yourselves. But be warned, if you all try to pull a fast one on me, you'll never reproduce.” Narjala threatened, claws on full display.

“Ha! You’d be doing me a favoEEEHOUCH!” Church boasted before being socked in the gut again.

“How much do I have to take before you learn how to goddamn behave yourselves? We’ve raided you twice!

A wicked-looking grin crossed Church’s face. “You know, that sounds a bit familiar, doesn’t it?”

“What? Of course it does! We’ve already done this dance!”

“No, no, not that. I mean, you’re trying to teach a lesson, aren’t you? Put it all to rest once and for all?”

“Well… yeah…”

“You know, I think we’re not so different, you and I. All I ever wanted to do was put an end to our troubles… teach them all a lesson in humility.”

“That’s not the same! I-”

“Isn’t it? Your sense of JUSTICE has made you as much a thief as I am, my dear.”

Narjala balled her paws into fists, biting her lip.

I, for one, think that you’re just angry that we’re doing a better job than you are. Maybe our ideals are different, but when you look down deep-” Church stood, approaching the jinko and standing on his toes to whisper. “-our methods all turn out the same, eh? Well, you know what they say. ‘Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…

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f6e085 No.337651

“NO!”

Church’s grin only widened. “Hmm? What’s wrong, my dear?”

“I am fucking not like you!”

“You say that, but you really ought to search your feelings. They might just end up being true, you know.” He gave a cruel-sounding laugh.

“FUCK OFF! You know what? I’m washing my hands of this whole goddamn thing. I don’t have your stupid shit. Get out of my goddamn dorm room and don’t ever talk to me or my girls ever again.”

***

“Church, what the hell was all that about? Y’started gettin’ all weird back there.”

“Marshall.”

“Uh… yeah?”

“Do you think I should get a cat? A proper one, like a Persian or somesuch.”

“S-sure? I ain’t in charge of your home life. Anyway, I was tryin’ to-”

“-Do you think cats like moustaches? I could wax mine to make it look presentable, of course.”

“Look, I really don’t get where you’re goin’ with this, Church.”

“Just trying to change my image a bit. You know, my grandfather used to wear an eyepatch now and then, and I was thinking I might fancy one myself…”

***

The Dragon Dorm

Giovanna sat at her desk, looking over the carefully-written notes she’d had a friend make for her. It was a pain in the ass trying to do schoolwork when you didn’t have hands, but she had her pride to keep up. It was less about how hard the classes were, and more about being able to keep up, since she couldn’t write quickly with just foot talons.

The wyvern looked out her window wistfully. She could be out flying right now instead of studying calculus, like the guys in that hot air balloon outside her dorm. Well, at least she was going to have something to do later. Narjala had texted her a few hours ago that she’d gotten hit by those lingerie larcenist guys. She’d told the rest of the girls that this would happen. Well, she still probably had a few days, since apparently they always took a while to-

“HAHA!” A man in a tweed suit who was brandishing a cane like it was a cutlass swung through the window feet-first, tumbling head-over-foot as soon as he landed. He took a minute to dust himself off and stand back up before shouting toward the window, where two men were hanging onto a rope for dear life, one kicking his legs to try and get them closer to the broken window.

Giovanna sighed as the three men finally finished bumbling their way into her room. Already?

Church coughed, then proceeded. “Well then! Tremble in fear, you knockoff dragon!”

“I’m not a knock… Look, is this about that panties thing?”

“Well what the bloody hell else would it be about? As far as I’m aware, coming into rooms through the window would be a bit of a prohibitively expensive hobby, wouldn’t it?”

“Look, I’m not sure what you were expecting, but I don’t have some harebrained plan on what to do with you or anything.”

“…Really?”

“I don’t know how the hell I got dragged into this. I didn’t want to have anything to do with this shitshow to begin with.”

“…Well… F-fine! Suits me. I wasn’t expecting much out of a monster anyway.”

Church turned and began none-too-subtly pouting when Marshall cut in. “Wait, y’weren’t part of this?”

“…Narjie just kinda dragged me along and made me look out for anyone coming when they did the big heist.”

Narjie?

“Tiger lady? Come on, you were at her dorm a couple hours ago. Anyway, dunno where your underwear and shit is.”

“AHA! So you were part of this!” Church yelled.

“Uh, kinda? I mean, not-”

“Then we’re ‘kinda’ taking our vengeance! Chap, plan Gamma.”

The slav hesitated. “Eh, Church… Maybe find something easier?

“Oh, come now! She’s our sworn enemy!”

Cheslav held up a finger, digging through an old canvas backpack and discarding a few dangerous-looking tools and seemingly random objects, before pulling out an empty peanut butter jar and holding it up for Church’s approval. “Maybe this one is… kinda?

“Well… Alright, I’ll let you have this one. Go on then, Chap.”

The track-suited man walked over to Giovanna, nodding to her before stuffing her notes into the jar and screwing on the lid.

“Aw, fuckin’… Come on, guys! I need these!” The wyvern snatched the jar away from Cheslav, trying desperately to open the lid with her feet, but not finding any grip.

Church grinned as the wyvern became more and more frustrated, throwing the plastic jar at the floor, only to have it bounce. “You know, Chap, this turned out better than I had thought. Well done.”

“FUCK! C-come on, uh… big guy, you don’t seem like a total prick. Gimme a hand?” She pleaded, gesturing vaguely in Marshall’s direction.

“Well, al-” Marshall was stopped when Church held out his cane.

What do you think you’re doing, Marshall?”

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f6e085 No.337652

“Well, I mean, she’s probably learned her lesson, right? I mean, she said she didn’t even really-”

“Absolutely not. We’re not to be crossed, and I’m not in the habit of making exceptions. Think of our reputation, you weak-willed ninny!”

The Texan rubbed the back of his head, looking torn. “Uh… Goddammit, alright. Sorry, missy.”

“Right, back into Lady Lifts-a-Lot, chaps.”

She looked pathetic, trying to open up that jar with the little talons coming out of her wings. He couldn’t just leave her like this, could he? Marshall checked the room quickly. Church and Cheslav were both trying to catch the rope that they had swung in on, and were looking the other way.

He tiptoed over to the wyvern, twisting the lid just a bit to get it started and handing it back to her, a finger pressed to his lips.

***

All three men sat in the balloon, relaxing as they piloted it back to the hideout. Church leaned back into the basket and spoke up.

“…Marshall.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re acting like a dead fish with these girls.”

“Uh…”

“They stole everything from us, I’ll remind you.”

“Right, it’s just, well…”

“We’re out for vengeance. You might try getting a little more into it, you know.”

“…Okay. Revenge…” Marshall said to himself, harkening back to those saturday morning cartoons he used to watch ‘back at the ranch.’

***

The Fairy Dorm

“…Are you fucking- Chap, you’re sure it’s the right address, are you?”

“Da, is address pointy-tooth lady writes. Cheslav told you comrade, was-”

“Shut the hell up about the bloody fairies. And why in god’s name are you dressed like that, by the way?”

Cheslav adjusted his bowler hat, briefly exposing the saw blade glued to the underside of the brim. “Thought we were dressing up to scare tiny lady? Cheslav felt left out, so…”

“What? Pff. No? W-why would you think that? I just have… an… eye thing right now…” Church fiddled with his eyepatch momentarily before straightening up. “I’m not sure what the hell Marshall was thinking when he got up this morning, though.”

“What? You said we were goin’ fer revenge! It helps me get into it, alright?” Marshall said, clutching his false moustache and tophat defensively.

“Right, let’s just bloody get on with it. 2105, is it?”

The group strode into the modestly-sized building, searching the rows of the locker-sized rooms until they found the number in question.

Church reached out, lifting the front wall of the dorm room, and an audible click sounded. A few seconds later, a row of dominoes on the floor began to tip over, one-by-one.

“WELL, WELL, WELL. IT SEEMS A FEW LITTLE BOYS HAVE FALLEN INTO MY TRAP.” A particularly small fairy floated down from the rafters, laughing smugly. “It’s too late for you already! Now that you’ve begun this, it can’t be stopped!”

“I, uh… take it you’re Krystal, then?” Marshall said.

“DO YOU NOT RECOGNISE ME?! YOU RUINED ME! MADE ME A MOCKERY AMONGST MY PEERS!”

“Uh… no?”

“YOU TOOK SOMETHING MORE PRECIOUS TO ME THAN ANYTHING!”

“Sorry, uh… Still not catchin’ what yer talkin’ about.”

“MY… My U-underwear…”

OH. Right. Uh… did we?”

Church scratched his chin. “ I… I think we did? I can’t remember.”

“Da! Did on way back from alps dorm. Church said was too easy, so had to get more before were done.” Cheslav beamed at having remembered.

The fairy stomped in anger, although the gesture was reduced somewhat by the fact she was still hovering several feet above the ground. “I-it doesn’t matter now! I’ve spent months planning my revenge, and now you’ve fallen for my trap! It’s all already over for you!”

Krystal cackled as a candle burnt through a piece of string, causing a ball to roll down a seesaw, tipping over another row of dominoes.

“J-just… just give it a minute and-”

Cheslav nudged Church and Marshall, pointing to some tape on the floor separating off a square labelled ‘splash zone.’

“D-don- That’s nothing! You’re not… I-it doesn’t matter where you are in the room, it’s too late!”

“I’ll hedge my bets, thank you.” Church spat.

A few seconds after the men had stepped out of the marked area, a rain of golf balls came from the ceiling, falling straight into the now-empty box, leaving Krystal fuming.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT TOOK ME TO SET UP? THOSE THINGS ARE HEAVY AS-” The fairy was cut off when Marshall snatched her out of the air, stroking his fake moustache menacingly.

Church laughed, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the captured fairy. “Well, well, well. The shoe’s on the other foot now, isn’t it, you pygmy whore? Now whatever shall we do with you?”

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f6e085 No.337653

“She nearly crushed us with those deadly golfballs, I say we just take ‘er outside and throw rocks at her! See how she likes it!” Marshall suggested.

Church looked at him, aghast. “Jesus fuck Marshall! What in god’s name is wrong with you?”

“W-what?”

“Don’t you what me! We’re noble thieves and you’ve gone off the deep end!”

“I-I just thought that… w-well, we’re tryin’ to be evil, aren’t we?”

“Yes! For god’s sake, do you think I made Prudence adopt a persian cat for no reason? You, on the other hand, might try avoiding the Lord of the Flies route, you wanton psychopath!”

“But I…”

“No buts. Start again.”

Marshall looked down at the fairy awkwardly. “I… Sorry, uh… can ya get me started?”

Krystal huffed. “What are you- If you don’t release me this instant, I’ll make you pay dearly!”

“O-oh, I, uh… I think you’ll need more training to face me, m’dear! …Heh.”

***

The engine of the train spun around the last curve at breakneck speed, barrelling toward the fairy with the full weight of several coal cars behind it.

“…Are we actually doing this right- OW!”

The model train bounced off Krystal’s side, derailing itself on the small girl.

“Well, are you happy now? Because I’ve got a little secret…” she sat up as well as she could, the plastic tracks lifting up with her. “This was all part of my plan, too!”

“…What are you talking about?” Marshall raised an eyebrow.

“While you were busy with me, my secret network of fairy spies tracked the location of your Russian friend’s pet chicken. I’m sure you know who I’m talking about~”

Cheslav cracked his knuckles, looming over the fairy with an ominous glare in his eyes. “Fairy lady better have not laid tiny finger on Comrade Cluckers.”

Krystal stopped cold, having second thoughts about her plan all of the sudden. “Um… A-actually-”

“Hey Krystal, we got that thing you wanted. You’re holding up your end of the bargain, right?” A fairy coming in through the window asked, a team of fairies behind her carrying in a tray of fried chicken in a styrofoam case.

“U-uh… yeah. Y-you can use my… m-massager. Just be sure to clean it before you return it.”

Cheslav looked at Church, then Marshall. Both of them nodded understandingly. Then, he started to advance on Krystal, cracking his knuckles.

***

Cheslav shook the fairy angrily, shouting Russian at her. “Don’t you understand not to fucking come here cyka?

“I-I don’t understand what you’re saying! L-let me go! Please!?”

This angered the Slav. “Nu blyat, fucking answer me! You fucking fried my chicken! Pizdyets, you forget how to speak now, too? Huh?

He dragged the fairy over to the splash zone full of golf balls, some of the balls still stuck in the bucket, due to it not being tipped over fully.

You shit your pants now, cyka? Your traps can’t fucking save you this time, blyat!

“Y-you’re scaring me, s-stop it!” Krystal finally gave up any attempt at squirming free without any help.

Why do I fucking come here, huh? I fucking raise chickens for you to eat? Blyat!

Krystal’s train of thought was interrupted by the gopnik bringing her face millimeters away from the golf balls.

Gaze at your failure of a trap before you’re in orbit cyka! Idi nauhi!

***

The fairy struggled to regain her composure. T-they couldn’t see her like this. They weren’t even a threat… right? “D-uh… d-do you expect me to talk, Putinfinger?”

No, cyka, I expect to fly.”

“Y-you’re not going to actually… right?”

Krystal struggled against the duct tape attaching her to a large bottle rocket.

“Now, now. Would he lie to you?” Church said patronisingly. “Marshall, start pumping, would you?”

“I’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRY!! PLEASEDON’T! ITWASANEIGHTPIECECHICKENFROMKFCISWEAR!!”

The girl began squirming more intensely, trying desperately to free herself.

“Well, you should have thought about that before you crossed-” Church pulled off his eyepatch dramatically, casting it to one side. “-Team Good Old Boys!”

“…who?”

“For fuck’s- Your cue, Chappy boy.”

Cheslav nodded, jumping as high as he could, stomping on the bottle rocket’s pump with both feet, sending the fairy airborne, though landing a disappointing distance away.

“Ahahaaaa! Jolly good fun. I do love a good…er… fairy launching. Come along, lads. We have one last stop.”

“YOU FUCKERS! W-WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! DON’T JUST LEAVE ME HERE!”

The fairy’s complaints fell on deaf ears and team Good Ol’ Boys headed off to the final destination.

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f6e085 No.337654

The Alp Dorm

The three men stood in the well-kept yard of the alp dorm.

“Alright lads, we’ve set the cosmo traps, and mapped out our route. I specifically picked these parts of the dorm because I’m sure an alp who’s insecure about their dwindling masculinity wouldn’t be caught dead in any of these rooms. That is assuming she’s even in the dorm, but she probably isn’t, if Marshall’s observations about her jogging habits are accurate. Now, are there any questions as to what the plan is?”

Marshall and Cheslav looked at one another, shrugging. They had gotten this far, it was time to just go for it and hope for the best.

“Good. Now Chap, you’re the distraction. Once you’ve successfully got their attention, we’ll get to work.”

“Da, one moment.” Cheslav slid down the gutter pipe, strolling casually up to the front door of the alp dorm and knocking.

After a few seconds, a small blonde head with short little horns poking out the top peered out at him.

“Helloooo!~ Welcome to the-” The alp paused, looking at the man intently. “Uhh… have we met before? I have the strangest sense of deja vu…”

“Da! Am Cheslav.”

“Cheslav… where have I heard that name before? It’s so…”

“Were of takings your underwear months ago.”

“O-Oooh! You were that sweet guy that kept us company!” She leaned in and placed a hand on his shoulder. “What the heck are you doing here? You KNOW Ash has it out for you guys… and we can’t exactly protect you either.”

Cheslav looked to either side of himself, and leaned in. “Be not of worryings, dyevushka. Have scared away Dire alp before.”

The alp raised her eyebrows. “Fuckin’ really? I never thought anything could scare her… Are you sure?”

“Cheslav is positive. Will not be problem.”

The alp looked at him incredulously, but eventually shrugged. “Aaalrighty then, well… what do you want to do?”

“Remember last time? Talked about tea party.”

The alp’s wings fluttered. “Oh? I do remember us discussing it briefly…”

“Please, gather alps in parlor. Will be of wonderful times, dyevushka.”

“Uh… my name’s Samantha, actually.” The alp corrected, then wondered if he knew that, and was just assigning some Russian pet name to her. The thought made her swoon a little bit.

***

“Please pass the Caravan, Cheslav~” One of the alps held out her arm to accept the teapot gracefully.

“Please, be of allowing me.” Cheslav poured the tea.

“Mmmm… by the waaay… how’ve things been?” Another of the alps asked, leaning in a bit closer to Cheslav.

“Ohhh, you know. Have been stealing of many panties. Recently have taken break, though. Just to explore… other opportunities.”

“Oooooohhhh, other opportunities~? Does that mean you’re gonna try out the dating scene?” Several of the other alps in the room inched closer towards him.

“Eeeehhh…” Cheslav scooched away from the alps just a bit. “Have already found nice lady.”

“…Oh.” Several of the alps said in unison, backing off. Not all of them did, however, including the one that was closest to him.

“Oh really? Tell me, what’s she like? What’s her name? What classes does she go to? Is she… allergic to anything?” The alp asked suspiciously.

“…Maaaybe we stop talking about, da?”

“O-ooooh~ maybe you’d rather think about-”

“GRAB HIS DICK!” One of the more excited alps yelled.

Before anything else could be said, a tall, muscular alp bashed the door open in a agitated rush. “What are you faggots doing?! I told you to- to…”

Cheslav began sweating profusely as Ash’s gaze drifted toward him.

“YOU. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING HERE?”

“H-having drink with alp friends?”

The large alp paused.

Was she believing it? Church had said that it was important that his cover wasn’t blo-

A burst of static came out of the walkie-talkie Cheslav had in his pocket.. He slapped his forehead. Had he really forgotten to plug his earpiece in?

This was fine. He could recover this. People have radios! How are you supposed to talk to each other from a long way away without one, anyway? He thought of the policemen back home. They carried radios, and they were perfectly trustworthy!

Mostly.

Sometimes.

…On a good day, maybe.

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f6e085 No.337655

Chap, where in god’s good fucking name are you? I swear to god, if you’ve forgotten why we’re here and you’re just having a spot of fucking tea with Cock Holliday and the arse bandits, I’m going to-

Oy blyat.

“YOU PUSSIES ARE DEAD WHEN I FIND YOU! DEAD!” Ash shouted.

“Eeeeh, time to go.” Cheslav took off, knocking over the tea table and a few of the closer alps in his haste.

***

“Shit, is that voice who I think it is?” Marshall asked nervously.

“N-no need to panic… M-Marshall! We can st-still salvage this raid. We have the bloody barrels of cosmo up here already for god’s sake. Let’s just dump them before she reaches us! We can mount a rescue for Chap later.”

“Partner, if we don’t save ‘im right now, the only thing that’s gonna be mounted is him.”

Church shuddered at the thought, then grabbed the side of one of the cosmoline barrels. “W-we can burn that bridge when we get to it. J-just be useful for once and help me tip these barrels you lout!”

Marshall groaned, grabbing the barrel Church had and shoved it over with one hand.

“Bloody showoff…”

The cosmoline cascaded down the wooden steps, coating them in a dark, oily sheen. Church and Marshall stepped back to admire their handiwork.

“Great, let’s see that homosexual harlot get up here now. Come, Marshall. No time to faff about.” Church stormed off in the direction of what was obviously Ash’s room, if the masculine decor on her door was any indication.

“Really? She’s gotta be at least in her 20’s and she still has a keep out sign on her door? And what is that… the biohazard symbol?” Marshall commented, grabbing the knob and testing it. Locked.

“Well, she did have a bellend and some boys at one point. She’s probably still in denial.”

“I wonder if Ash turned recently…”

“With how much her… assets have developed? God I hope not.” Church pulled out a hairpin from his pocket, and carefully slid it into the doorknob. “Now step aside for the master of unlocking, I watched that youtube tutorial at least twice.”

***

Cheslav struggled in Ash’s grip.

How could he have possibly gotten caught?

…Well, he had tried to do a flip to get over that table.

“Now then, you little goplet, whatever am I going to do with you~?” She crooned, bringing

him up to eye level and staring into his eyes.

Cheslav cleared his throat. Maybe there was one last card he could play… “Eeeeh… me not speak Angliskii.”

Ash rolled her eyes. “Oh please, that’s not going to work. And don’t think you can ‘scare’ me off like you did last time, ‘cause now your chicken isn’t here to save you~”

Cheslav’s previously racing mind came to a halt. What did she just say? Chicken? He thought back to the cold morning that he intimidated her. Comrade Cluckers had been there, hadn’t he? But what did that mean? What did she know about Comrade Cluckers? He had to find out, but first he needed to escape. For that, he had one final trump card.

As Ash turned to spit on the floor in anger, Cheslav activated his final form. Pressing a button on his belt, two full litres of cosmoline erupted from his clothes, greasing him just enough to writhe free of her grip and make a speedy escape by bellysliding across the floor like a gopnik seal.

“HEY! GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FUCKER!” Ash yelled, beginning to chase after him, but almost immediately getting caught up on the oil slick he had left behind.

***

Church let out a final grunt, finally managing to break the lock off the door with his cane, his breathing labored. “There… we are. See? Lockpicking’s… no big deal. Whew.”

“Whatever ya say, Church.” Marshall carefully pushed the now busted door open, revealing a surprisingly masculine room, with dumbbells in one corner and a Gaystation 69 in the other. The walls were lined end-to-end with bodybuilders giving out inspirational quotes.

Upon closer examination, most of these quotes were also kind of… homoerotic in nature.

Seize the day, grab life by the balls and don’t let go ‘til it submits.

Get huge, stay huge, live huge, die huge.

Any doubts? Beat them the hell off.

“I know they have to be gay, but good lord. Let’s not stay here any longer than we need to, we might catch some of whatever disease causes this. Now, if I were a secret stash of stolen trophies…” Church began snooping around the room, with Marshall keeping watch outside.

“Y’reckon she put ‘em under her bed?”

“Of course! The bed! It’s so obvi-” Church reached under the bed, grabbing something that felt like the handle of a bag. “-ous?”

“Uh, you found ‘em?”

“What in god’s name is-?” Church began pulling out what looked like some sort of pipe or-

Dildo.

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f6e085 No.337656

It was a two-foot long dildo with flames on the side. Church made something between a feminine scream and a gag, dropping the oversized plastic horsecock in disgust.

“Oh lordy. …Talk about ‘Gettin huge and stayin’ huge.’” Marshall mumbled, scratching the back of his head uncomfortably.

Just then, Cheslav burst through the door, eyes wild. “Comrades, must-!”

“GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING GOPLET! YOUR ASS IS- FUCK!” Hitting a particularly big puddle of cosmoline as she entered the room, Ash slid straight through and hit the wall.

“C-COMRADE CHURCH, THINK WE SHOULD BE-”

“Ah, good thinking, Chap! Keep her distracted and we’ll keep at it. Come on then, Marshall, we don’t want his heroic sacrifi-er, valiant effort to be in vain, eh?”

The two men continued digging through Ash’s personal effects as Ash and Cheslav continued slipping and sliding everywhere, slamming into every item of furniture in the room at least once as the dire alp chased after the gopnik in a blind rage.

Church’s eye twitched angrily the second time his fingers were nearly slammed in the drawer he was looking in when two-hundred fifty pounds of alp smashed into his working space.

“For god’s… will you bloody keep her out of the way? We’re running out of places to look!”

Cheslav’s only response was a ragged groan as he just barely slipped through Ash’s grip once again.

“Church, d’ya really reckon he’s gonna last much longer in here? We oughta give him a hand.”

“What? Pish-posh, look at him. He’s born for this kind of-”

Midway through his sentence, Church was cut off when Cheslav dashed up the wall and tried to flip over Ash’s head, sending him crashing into her nightstand as he bounced off her shoulder.

Everybody in the room winced as a lamp came tumbling down, smashing against the cosmo-coated ground and setting a small patch on fire that began to grow alarmingly fast.

Ash froze, finally shaken out of her rage. “Oh, fffffffucc-”

She turned around, finding the men already gone.

***

The three men had made it halfway down the stairs when Ash finally caught up.

“HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO BURN A FUCKING DORM TO THE GROUND?!” She shouted, visibly pulsing with rage.

We did? You’re the one who sent poor, helpless Chap here flying into your bloody lamp!” Church said, patting the man’s oily shoulder and immediately regretting it. “And that’s to say nothing of our bloody collection! You’ve damned us both!”

“How can you say that when Mister Big and Tall is burning in there, all alone!?”

“Who in god’s name is… Oh. OH FUCKING LORD NO.”

“DON’T YOU DARE TALK SHIT ABOUT MR. BIG AND TALL, YOU FUCKING SOYBOY!” Ash’s fist shot out, narrowly missing Church’s head.

“Blasted fruit! You asked for it!” Church swung his cane at Ash, only for her to grab it effortlessly and break it over her knee.

Church yelped, cowering behind Marshall. “A-alright, you’ve forced my hand! G-g-get ‘er, Marshall, won’t you?”

“I think the fuck NOT!!” Marshall stepped aside, once again leaving Church right out in the open.

Ash scoffed. “Haha! I knew he wouldn’t raise a hand against me, it’s because he secretly likes me, but w-we were never meant to be!”

Marshall sighed, he had had it up to here with this girl’s weird pseudo-crush on him, it was time to set her straight. “Look. I get it. I’m the least crazy of the bunch. But… even if I fancied ya, which I don’t, I kinda already have Sa-s-someone.”

Ash stared at him for a few seconds, then suddenly advanced on him, grabbing both of his hands a little too hard. “I-it’s okay, y-you don’t know what you’re saying. The smoke’s getting to your head, I know it’s getting to mine~ HAHA! A-anyway, we’re all probably going to die in this fire, the least you can do before we all perish is satisfy me…

“W-wait, waitaminnit! I d-didn’t consent! A-am I being detained!?” Marshall struggled, but all those gains were too much for the poor cowpoke. She already had his shirt off and was fumbling with his zipper.

But before Ash could deliver the final ‘blow,’ an ominous cluck sounded behind Ash, who turned slowly, sweating furiously. “N-No… it couldn’t be…”

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f6e085 No.337657

Silhouetted in the quickly-expanding flames, Comrade Cluckers pecked at the floor in challenge, prompting the dire alp to gasp.

Ash backed away, the chicken taking a few threatening steps forward before turning to the men, nodding before making a turning back to Ash..

“Y-you! The last time we met, you gave me THIS!” She shouted, pointing a thumb at the scar running across her eye. “I’ve trained! Every. Single. Day! You won’t get the better of me this time! I’m not weak any more!”

Marshall coughed uncomfortably. “Uh… This is gettin’ kinda weird for me. Maybe we could take this out-”

“No! Comrade Marshall, Comrade Cluckers, he says… h-he says…” Cheslav wiped away a tear, sniffling. “We… we run, he will take care of angry vagenis.”

“I mean, alright but… Hey, Church, wh- Goddammit.” Church was already halfway down the stairs, looking at Marshall like he was handicapped.

***

The men made it outside, the flames now billowing out of the window. A crowd of the dorm’s residents, less the dire alp, were gathered outside.

Church leaned on his cane, watching the fire lick the side of the building as Cheslav stood next to him, tearily saluting toward where Comrade Cluckers was (presumingly) locked in mortal combat with Ash.

“FELLAS WHAT THE FUCK, THERE’S PEOPLE IN THERE, WE SHOULD BE-” Marshall was interrupted when Ash was thrown bodily out of a window, landing in a bush. He ran over, getting to her just as she rose.

“Aw fuck, are you al-”

“He… H-he saved me…” The dire alp said, in a daze.

“What? Who?”

“That… That mighty… wonderful beast…”

“The… Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? The chicken?”

Ash wasn’t even paying attention any more. She turned up to the window, where a cluck sounded before a massive explosion shook the ground and blew flames out of the few remaining windows.

“Is that? Fuckin’… Is anyone even seein’ this shit?!” Cheslav walked over patting Marshall on the shoulder.

“Comrade Cluckers is in… better place now. Also is nuggets.”

“…You know what? Sure. Fine, I don’t care. Talkin’ chicken? Entire dorm explodin’? Whatever.”

“Well. Er. Guess that’s that, then, eh lads?” Church said.

“Da.” Cheslav replied.

There was a long, awkward pause as the men looked around.

“So, er…”

“We get drinks now, comrades?”

“Oh, you bet your arse we are.”

***

Church woke up in a daze, the rest of the raiders also sprawled in awkward positions around the clubhouse. His neck was killing him from sleeping in his chair all night. Judging from the three empty bottles of gin sitting on the table in front of him, he… may have overdone it somewhat last night.

He lifted Prudence’s head off his lap and laid her on the ground before stumbling to the toilet.

Marshall yawned, stretching out his arms, which made a small elf tumble off his chest. “Aw, shit, sorry, Saria.”

The girl groaned, trying to crawl back onto him and failing to get anywhere. Looking around, Marshall noticed the rest of the gang slowly waking up and blinking the sleep out of their eyes, except for Church, who had already gotten up and was furiously scribbling on a piece of paper.

“…Mornin’?”

“Half past one, actually. I’ve got two hours to finish this paper I haven’t started yet.”

“Aw, shit.”

Prudence, who had been laying peacefully on the floor, using Church’s jacket as a pillow, suddenly shot upright. “Oh! M-Master! Did you want some-”

The man grimaced. “For god’s sake, Prudence, would you avoid shouting?

“O-oh, I’m sorry… Would you like some tea, Master?”

“…Please.”

***

An hour and a pot of tea later, the raiders had managed to wake up and straighten themselves out enough to sit around the table, though Church was still desperately writing onto whatever papers he could find lying around, Prudence standing dutifully behind him.

“…So, uh… hell of a night.” Marshall began, not sure what to say.

Saria, who was sitting on his lap, leaned into him, grinning. “I’ll say. I didn’t know you could be so firm, Marshie~”

“Uh… I meant…”

Cheslav poked his head out from around Natasha, who had also jealously sat down on his lap. “Comrade Church was… eh… cannot think of word.”

More drunk than any man or monster has right to be?” Natasha huffed.

Prudence stepped forward indignantly. “D-don’t blame Master! He… he’s been through a lot!”

“I mean, blowin’ up everything…” Marshall sighed. “So, uh… Who’re we hittin’ first again?”

Prudence hiked up her skirt and began to bend over when Church sighed. “Prudence.

The kikimora froze.

“I know precisely what you’re up to, so pull your pants back up this bloody instant.” He leaned back a little, putting the pen down and grinning. “The answer is as simple as pie, Marshall.”

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f6e085 No.337658

“So… Alphabetical or chronological?”

“For god’s- Look, you dunces, we’re done!”

Prudence’s face blanched. “N-no! Master, don’t tell me you’re broken again!”

“What? No! Do you know what it meant when that oversized fruit blew up her dorm to keep us from a massive pile of our hard-earned gains- in front of so many people?”

The room was silent.

“We’re more fucking famous than we could hope for in our wildest dreams! I couldn’t have possibly dreamt up a better publicity stunt than that! And we kicked the living shit out of her after she pissed herself over a chicken! Three dozen more damned raids couldn’t get us that!”

“So, uh…?”

So we’ve finally taught those damned harlots who’s in charge here! I’m a living god damned legend! There’s going to be copycats! The weak will tremble at our coming! There’s not a woman around who’d dare try their luck at raping us now!”

“Uh, Church… I think that’s more ‘cause o’ the girlfri-”

“Nonsense, boys! We’ve done it! Hand me that bottle of gi-” Church cringed, then sat back down, holding his head. “…er, never mind, actually. I don’t remember much, but that’s certainly how last night began.”

Prudence was nearly panting at her Master’s show of bravado. She walked around the table to face him, her hips swaying. “M-Master?”

Church had begun writing again, and didn’t bother looking up. “Yes, what is it?”

Prudence put her leg up on the table, biting her lip. “What are you doing right now? I mean, really?

“My bloody homework. I think I’ve gone over this.”

The kikimora ran a hand up her thigh, sighing gently. “You know, I think I know a way to get rid of that nasty headache of yours~”

The man locked eyes with her, and she nearly melted. “Well. I think step one of a cure might be having maids’ feet off my sodding table.

The girl bashfully pulled her leg down, but leaned in, resting her chest on the table. “But Maaaster~ Shouldn’t we celebrate? I mean, last night was… well…”

“Good lord you’re needy. Will you at least clear your damned bits off my workspace?”

Prudence pouted a little, running her finger in a circle on the tabletop. “C-can we do it after? Saria and Natasha got to do it with their boyfriends…”

Saria looked pleased with herself, smirking at Natasha, who was desperately trying to cover up the fact she was blushing.

Church looked up again, trying to stare down the unflinching kikimora. “Fucking- look. You need to shut up, so imagine I just said whatever’s going to make you do that.”

“R-really?!” she lifted her hands to her face, delighted. “This really is the best day of my whole life!”

“Keep in mind that I didn’t say that I would.” Church moved his eyes back down to the paper, but glanced back up again. “Have you started wearing an engagement ring, Prudence?”

“W-well, um…”

Church felt a little conflicted. Why? It wasn’t his business what she got up to. Still, it… stung somehow that he hadn’t even heard about it. She was his maid, wasn’t she?

“Well, er, congratulations, I suppose.”

“I mean… proposing right on my birthday and… I couldn’t say no!”

“I said that’s good for you, let’s move on.”

“But Master!” Prudence dashed around, grabbing both of his hands. “You were so romantic! A-and you even stole a ring for me, right then and there!”

…Me?

She looked down at the ring on her left hand again, tearing up. “…and it’s the p-prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, too…”

Church slowly brought his gaze down, looking at the kikimora’s hands, and then his own. Sure enough, his signet ring had been moved to his left hand to match Prudence’s.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

In perfect sync, Saria and Natasha spun around, giving expectant stares to their boyfriends.

END OF STORY

Thanks to everyone who stayed with us during this long writing journey. If you all want to let this thread die, then we wont write anymore. If not, then we have the first chapter to our next project, the bonus episodes, already written. Let us know what you think we should do. Also, if there's anything you're still confused about regarding the story, let us know. We know the story is faaaaar from perfect and want to be able to clear anything we didn't write properly.

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4ecfac No.337661

File: ff286754bea2efa⋯.png (128.43 KB,796x1085,796:1085,8ED441B3-A31A-4E12-B755-E2….png)

>>337658

Amazing work. I would love to see the bonus episodes.

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939c30 No.337671

File: 9be67acb283a3dc⋯.gif (26.23 KB,468x450,26:25,applause hands.gif)

>>337658

It couldn't have ended any other way. Well done.

>we have the first chapter to our next project, the bonus episodes, already written.

SHOW

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43b3f4 No.337687

>>337658

Can it be, it's not dead? Glorious, i knew it was worth it to check around every day.

Please do post the bonus episodes/other shit here, would love to read more

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a27b01 No.337760

File: 96358a9f22cc243⋯.jpg (35.33 KB,720x540,4:3,1466439873836.jpg)

>>337658

>Prudence got church

>Church got the respect he wanted

>The boys all have girlfriends they adore

>Comrade Cluckers went out in a blaze of glory

This ending gave me everything I wanted and more, hope you guys post the bonus episodes.

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20df12 No.337838

File: 7461058ec04738f⋯.gif (286.16 KB,491x324,491:324,1499135279662.gif)

>>337658

With an ending like this I can die in peace. For the love of everything, post the bonus episodes. Also, my dick will always be out for Comrade Cluckers.

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4ecfac No.337842

File: 6314cc15fab3a69⋯.jpeg (69.79 KB,416x574,208:287,12356B04-D71E-4CAE-AE0C-0….jpeg)

>>337838

Sage you fuck, I thought you were the bonus chapter.

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6a5b83 No.337906

>>337842

Good news

Bonus Episode I: The Raider Menace

Rose was puttering around the front of the mansion, replacing the flowers in the vases, but not doing anything particularly important. She certainly took her job as a maid seriously, but the head maid was a bit pushy about ‘working hours,’ so she was essentially waiting for the clock to run out so she could get back to working on a little something for next wee-

The familiar sound of the doorbell interrupted her thoughts. Well, at least shepherding guests might take up some more of the remaining time.

She pulled the door open, finding three unfamiliar men on the doorstep.

“…Can I help you?”

The tallest coughed, then stepped forward. “Uh, yeah… We’re lookin’ for Lily. Is she in?”

As if any of the maids were allowed to be anywhere else at this time of day. “Yes, sir. Would you like me to bring you to her?”

“Well, I don’t wanna- want to be a bother. We could just go and-”

It was a slim damned chance she was going to let three strangers wander the house unattended. She knew how dangerous it was better than anyone. “Oh, no sir. I insist. Guests are supposed to come first, after all.”

The shortest man stepped forward, looking back and forth between his compatriots and Rose. “Could just-”

Like hell they were getting out of this. She could tell this was going to take at least ten minutes, and there was only half an hour left until she was free. She turned on her heel, cutting off the man speaking. “Please, follow me, gentlemen.”

She allowed herself a little smile as she heard them hesitantly begin following her.

As she led them up the staircase to the second floor, she caught another one of the maids none-too-subtly checking her phone in an alcove. The poor girl nearly fainted when Rose patted her on the shoulder.

“AAAH! O-oh… i-it’s just you, senpai… I thought… I-is she around? I’d better get back to-”

Rose cringed. Why the hell did she always- Whatever, back on topic. “Hold it. Is Lily in the study right now? She’s got guests.”

The other maid rolled her eyes. “Is she ever anywhere else?”

“Oh, I imagine she has to stand outside the door when the master needs to use the toilet.”

The other maid chuckled. “I did hear her chatting with Master-sama a while ago, so I think she’s playing chess with him again.”

Would it kill her to speak like a normal person for one damned day? “Well, Lily’s nothing if not predictable. Thank you.”

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6a5b83 No.337907

>>337906

Fortunately, the study wasn’t far off. She rapped on the mahogany door as gently as she could, trying not to bother the master if she could avoid it. “Erm, pardon me, Sir, but-”

The man’s voice just barely managed to make it through the heavy door. “Oh, come in if you need to speak with me, girl. I can hardly hear you all the way out there.”

“Ah, of course…” She opened the door softly, finding her master and Lily playing a game of chess by the fireplace.

Of course. Lily almost never left the master’s side. Even if her work didn’t involve serving him, she always seemed to find a way to slip back into the study and suck up to him some more. Rose wasn’t jealous, per se, but Lily did tend to hog him a bit. She even tried to dress like him, for god’s sake! Rose wasn’t entirely sure how she managed to get away with wearing men’s clothes, with the kind of restrictions the rest of the girls had to put up with.

“Pardon me, but Lily’s had some guests arrive looking for her…”

The girl nearly jumped out of her chair at the mention of the men. “Oh! Sir, I joined the polo club at my school, just like you suggested!”

He squinted a little. “Well, I didn’t actually suggest-”

“W-would you mind terribly if we left our little game for another time, Sir? It’s just that… well… we’ve got a big game coming up, a-and… well, if you’d like to come, we’d love to have you! We just need, er… a bit more practice.”

The master of the house scoffed. “…Oh, please do. I’ve got work to do, anyway.”

***

The next morning, Rose nearly grabbed her maid uniform out of habit. She had nearly forgotten the new term at the college was starting, and she’d just be working in the evenings now.

On the way out of her room, Rose ran into one of the other maids, Daisy, happily bouncing around in her maid uniform. As soon as she noticed, the younger girl dashed up to her, eyes sparkling.

“Good morning, Rosie!”

Ugh. This again. “Would you quit calling me- Whatever. Wait, don’t you have school right now?”

“Well I just wanted to get up early and get a start and talk with everyone before I had to leave! I was just waiting to see you! Isn’t it your first day? Are you going to have fun? Are you going with Annie again?! Wait, what time is it?”

Rose checked her watch, blinking the last of the sleepiness out of her eyes.“I… probably? It’s almost ten, Daisy.”

The younger girl’s eyes began to well up with tears. “B-but I… a-and… w-what do I do?!?! Class already started! Will they think I’m a bad girl?! I didn’t mean to! I just didn’t know what time it was and-”

Rose tried to ignore the fact that Daisy was clearly wearing a small watch. The girl was always a bit… different than the rest of them. “Look, just go get changed and hurry over. You can’t do anything about it now.”

Daisy seemed to be trying to quiver fast enough to go back in time, but she just hung her head. “O-o-okay…I’ve gotta hurry!”

Rose could only sigh when the poor girl dashed off in the wrong direction. She was a good girl, but exhausting to say the least.

Picking up her lunch from the kitchen, she made her way out to catch a bus to the college.

When she got to the bus stop, Lily was already there, standing beside a tall elven girl, who waved to her. “Hey, Rosie. Ready for school?”

“Yeah, you bet your ass I am, Ana. A couple hours without the boss hovering over me are good hours.” Rose said.

Her fellow kikimora straightened her tie and stood up a little taller. “Well, maybe you ought to do your job a little better, then. Sir always compliments me on my work.”

Rose’s eye twitched. “Why? Do you get your nose far enough up his ass that it tickles his prostate? Some of us actually clean the house.”

Lily huffed in indignation, but couldn’t retort before the bus arrived.

***

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6a5b83 No.337908

>>337907

A few hours later, the elf and two kikimoras sat down at a table in the cafeteria of the college, Rose visibly fuming.

“Can you believe that damned TA? Uuuu, maybe you should take your time commitments more seriously, Rose. I mean, a day fucking one lab assignment and he’s getting snarky? Your section didn’t even get one!” Rose pointed an accusatory finger towards Ana, who only threw up her hands. “In fact, I’ve got half a mind to teach him a lesson, the prick.”

Lily scratched her chin. “I did hear from the lads in the polo club that he’s like that twenty-four hours a day, even in the dorms.”

Rose scoffed angrily. “He’s doing his doctorate and he still lives in the dorms?

The elf grinned, leaning in a little. “Well, isn’t that a good thing, Rosie? You’ve been itching to clean out another room since we stole all that poor girl’s underwear last semester.”

Rose huffed. “She deserved it. This is about 'JUSTICE','' Ana.”

“Mmmhmm. I’m sure it’s not to impress those fine young men who’ve been stealing underwear. We’re meeting at 7 outside my house again, then?”

“Oh, shut up. And don’t be ridiculous, Lily’s getting us information on his schedule.”

The younger kikimora jumped. “W-what?! No! I’m not doing this again! We barely got away with it the last time! What would the master say if he caught us?!”

“Well, since your nose is so far up his ass, I don’t think he could catch you doing the dishes without an endoscope.”

“Oh, is this it? You’re just jealous because Sir and I have a personal relationship? Maybe if you stopped being so stuck-up around the house sometimes, you could-”

“N-now, now, girls, why don’t we-” Ana was cut off by the two maids, who were completely lost in their own world.

“…Something is going to be stuck up if you two don’t stop your bickering, and I think it’d be a lot less pleasant for the both of you than it would for me.” She said, eyeing the condiments on the table menacingly. The other girls reluctantly quieted down, and she continued. “Now then, there’s no need to be rude, Rose. Lily, you don’t want to do this?”

“Of course not! It’s against… everything! The rules, and Sir’s trust, and… er… You know!”

“Well, nobody said you had to, sweetie. If you want to pass up ingratiating yourself to those nice young boys at the polo club, it’s your own choice.”

“W-what?”

“Oh, you know. You said they were having a problem with our dear TA, so I thought you might stick up for them. In the spirit of camaraderie and so on.”

“Well, it’s not like I wouldn’t like to, but it’s just so… underhanded!”

“Well, that’s fair. I suppose a gentleman like your dear Sir would do the same, given the situation. I mean, if it’s not convenient to stick your neck out for your friends, then why bo-”

“You take that back, you harlot! He’s noble and honourable and twice as great as you’ll ever be!”

“Well, apparently he’s more noble than you, as well, hmm?”

Lily pouted, biting her lip. “…F-fine. I’ll do it, but this is for the sake of my lads, not whatever godawful fetish the pair of you have.”

***

The three girls leaned on a wall outside the boys’ dorm. Fortunately, it was fairly common for girls to be waiting outside for their boyfriends, but their contact on the inside was late.

“You said he’d be here, Lily.” Rose huffed.

“I… well, it’s not my fault! He ought to be here already! He’s probably just cracking open a cold one with the boys somewhere and-”

“Oh, can it. If your beta orbiters aren’t coming, we’ll do it ourselves.”

Ana patted Lily on the back. “Oh, come on. We’ll be in and out faster than you can say ‘harder mommy!’”

What?

The elf patted the younger kikimora’s head. “Shhh. Don’t worry about it, sweetie.”

Lily looked like she was about to object before Rose elbowed her in the ribs. “Shut the hell up before you make it worse.”

***

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6a5b83 No.337909

>>337908

Later, that very same raid…

“Is this the one?” Rose asked.

“Three fourty… yes, this is it.” Lily pressed her ear against the door, listening for movement inside. “…Nobody home, eith-.”

“Good. Hold this.” Rose handed off her hat to Lily, rolling up her sleeves and walking back to get a running start before dropkicking the door. She flew straight into the room as the unlatched door swung open with a thunderous crash.

“Gah, fuck!

Lily huffed, handing her hat back. “If you’d listen, I could’ve told you it was unlocked.”

“Er, girls?” Ana looked back down the hall, the way they had come. “I think you might have attracted some unwanted attention…”

The younger kikimora panicked. “Wh-what?! Oh no… I can’t get caught like this! We could get kicked out of school! What if Sir finds out? Uh… uh… C-can’t you do anything, Ana?!”

A sadistic grin spread over the elf’s face. “Can I? Oh, don’t worry, I’m an excellent distraction, sweetie~”

“Perfect. Don’t hold back!” Rose called out.

Ana grinned, jogging off toward the sound while giggling sinisterly.

***

“So, er… How are you planning on doing this?”

Rose looked up from rifling through a chest of drawers to stare at the other kikimora. “What?”

“I mean… are we just running them up a flagpole or…?”

“Look, we can deal with it later. All I know is that this fuckhead is going to have a bad case of dick chafing tomorrow. Check his closet, will you?”

The kikimoras spent a few more moments in silence before they finally found their target.

After a few minutes, Rose and Lily crept down the hallway with their sack of loot, back the way they had come.

“Should we just leave her behind?” Rose whispered. “She’ll catch up, right?”

“What if something happened? We can’t just ditch he-”

Lily was cut off by Ana’s voice drifting out of a door down the hall. “Hey, get back here! We’re not done!”

A man stumbled out of the room in a panic, the remains of his pants around his ankles. Was that? Rose suddenly recognised him as one of the men who had visited Lily the day before.

“L-Lily! Help! I-I was looking for you, and then I got grabbed out of nowhere and-”

Ana walked out of the room after the man, a large pink strapon bouncing with every step. “Oh! Hi girls! Done already?”

Rose began to speak, but realised she had no idea where to even begin.

“You know, if you need more time, I could distract this little cutie for you aaaaall night~”

The man began gibbering incomprehensibly, trying to hide behind Lily in his desperation.

Ana! This is the boy we were supposed to be meeting!” Lily shouted, shielding the defeated man with her body.

Ooooh. Whoopsie. I just got a bit excited to try out this little guy here.” She said, gesturing vaguely enough that she could have meant either the broken man clutching at Lily’s pants or the comically large and floppy dildo she had attached to herself.

“I… y’know, let’s just get out of here.” Rose said, reshouldering the sack.

The elf frowned. “But-”

We’re leaving.

***

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6a5b83 No.337910

>>337909

Having split up to draw less suspicion, Rose snuck into the manor last. Lily had gone inside a few moments before to run distraction on the head maid and Daisy, who was guaranteed to spill the beans as soon as anybody asked what they’d seen.

Rose hated bringing all of her ill-gotten gains home, but Ana couldn’t bring it back with her, and it would take a retard to actually leave incriminating evidence at the school. Some guys had already been caught trying to pull that, and like hell she was planning on dealing with that kind of mess.

She’d have to stash it in her room for now and wait until everyone was asleep so she could use the incinerator without any questions.

The front hall seemed to be clear, so she hurried up the stairs as quickly as possible, sparing a few nervous glances back toward the kitchen, where she hoped Lily was doing her job. Just down the hallway and she’d be there. She peeked around the corner and nearly had a heart attack when she came nose-to-nose with-

“Oh, hey Rose-chan.”

Thank god, it was just another one of the girls. Rose just held a finger to her lips and moved on. No time to waste. She was on the home stretch and-

Ow!

She was smacked in the face when the study door swung open, stopping her dead in her tracks.

The master poked his head around the door to see what he’d run into. “Oh, s-”

There was a long pause as he took in the young maid’s appearance. After what seemed like an eternity, he pointed at the bag she was carrying.

“…and what’ve you got there, then?”

“Er… l-laundry?”

“Then I suppose you won’t mind me having a look, would you?” He seized the bag, then began rummaging through it, finding pair after pair of men’s underwear that were clearly not his. “Are these… stolen?

“U-um…”

“Why don’t you come sit down, my dear.” The man turned and headed back into his study, pressing a button labelled ‘kitchen.’ Oh no. That was-

“Would you come up here? Our dear Rose has something to tell us.”

Not her! Oh god. She could handle a punishment from the master, but if the head maid got involved…

“So.” He sat down at his desk, staring at Rose. “I suppose you’re trying to emulate those… panty raiders so prominent at your school, hmm?”

Rose stayed tight-lipped. Anything she said or did now would only make things worse.

“Well, I can’t-”

He was cut off when a middle-aged kikimora dashed into the room, Lily in tow.

“I CAME AS QUICKLY AS I COULD, MASTER!”

“You would, wouldn’t you? Is there any reason you’ve got L-”

“She tried to escape when she heard you call me! I think she’s up to something…”

“Well, I suppose that would make sense, all things consid-”

Lily looked on the verge of tears, and was nearly vibrating “P-PLEASE SIR! I DIDN’T WANT TO! ROSE MADE ME DO IT! I-I’D NEVER DO ANYTHING BAD LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE! I’M SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY SIR!”

Rose clicked her tongue. She wasn’t surprised in the least, but would it have killed her to just-

“For god’s sake, will you all let me speak?” The master squinted at the assembled women, looking for a sign of defiance. “…Good. Now then, my dear. It seems Rose here has been stealing underwear from somewhere, and she’s managed to smuggle her trophies home.”

The eldest maid paused. “…r-really?”

Rose held her face in her hands. This was it, wasn’t it? She was as good as dead.

“M-Master, that’s wonderful! W-wait, she didn’t get into trouble, did she?”

What?

The older kikimora practically bounced to her Master’s side, hugging him tightly.

“Isn’t it? Rose, my dear, chin up. You wouldn’t believe how proud I am of you!”

Rose was confused. What?

Finally, Prudence! I was starting to worry about them, you know.”

“Oh, Master! She really is your daughter!” Church cringed a little at the mention of daughters, but the older kikimora carried on regardless. “I-I… we need to have a celebration! Rosie, sweetie, what’s your favourite kind of cake?”

“Prudence-”

“A-and food! What should I-”

Prudence!

“We need to gather all the little ones, too! Their big sister’s big day!”

PRUDENCE!

The kikimora gave Church a blank stare. “Y-yes, Master?”

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6a5b83 No.337911

>>337910

“I think it’s time she got her own wall.”

Rose and Lily glanced at each other in confusion while their parents nearly squealed in glee. “Uh…”

“Come along now, girls, I’ve got something to show you.” Church said, almost rushing out of the room with Prudence in tow.

The group reached the dining room, and Church gestured to a wall of empty picture frames, looking back expectantly at Rose. “It’s all yours, my dear. We’re finally going to have a collection again!”

Rose was completely lost. She’d never really thought about why there was a bunch of empty picture frames in the middle of the dining room when there were paintings everywhere else in the house. “Uh, Sir? I don’t really-”

“Go on, then. Pick the best display pair out of your bag there.”

She picked a pair of boxers at random out of the two-dozen-some pairs she’d brought home, and he grabbed them, giving them an impromptu appraisal.

Interesting. Well, it’s your wall of triumph, I won’t comment. So, where do you want it? Top left, or are you thinking something like an alphabetical? Your mother can whip up a label for it later.”

After much fussing, a single pair of boxers adorned the dining room wall.

“So, you’ll tell us what happened over dinner, right?” An excited-looking Prudence asked.

“Uh… s-sure?”

“Perfect. I’ll be right back down, my dear, I just have something to take care of.” Church turned to the other young kikimora on the way out. “And Lily?”

“Y-yes Sir?”

Do try and take a little initiative like your sister now and then, would you? I swear, you do nothing but sit around wasting time on playing chess with me.”

“W-wait! Sir? I actually- Sir? …D-dad?!”

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6a5b83 No.337912

File: 48c80ee081d2f5b⋯.png (392.5 KB,888x787,888:787,spooks.png)

>>337911

Sorry for no art this time, have a Church and Prudence as an apology

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939c30 No.338006

File: 150775b1d3f96bd⋯.jpg (72.44 KB,381x419,381:419,saluteknight.jpg)

>>337912

oh boy, passing on the legacy to his daughterus. how wonderful

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a9971d No.362818

Bonus Episode II- Attack of the Daughterus

“Have good day, son!”

The words echoed in Andrei’s head as he flashed back to his dad dropping him off at school. He was so cheerful, so unashamed of himself despite having an enormous, noisy milsurp truck that was practically held together by duct tape. Why couldn’t he be quiet and out of the way, like the rest of the dads dropping their kids off?

Still, he couldn’t complain much. His dad had a surprisingly well paying job given his broken English. Then again, his dad knew how to do… a lot of things. It made him feel bad about his own lack of skills and accomplishments. How could he ever hope to overcome the odds his dad did? He didn’t know how to keep a milsurp truck running, and if he had to survive alone in the woods, he was screwed. Heck, his dad even knew how to extract caviar from a sturgeon! A feat few people could boast about.

Andrei sat down at one of the tables in the cafeteria and opened his lunch, sighing when he saw one of the popular girls in his class arm-in-arm with some Japanese-looking soyboy who didn’t even have eyes.

Maybe he just needed a girlfriend to get out of this funk. One of the guys he knew from a few years ago had suddenly gotten really popular when he asked out this girl who’d been bullying him, and he’d suddenly gotten wrapped up in some big romance drama or something.

He felt like he was pretty distant from all the girls, though. It’s not like they hated him, but they tended to stay away for… well, his friends weren’t exactly popular with people. Although… now that he thought about it, weren’t Petunia and Penelope girls?

On second thought… Even if he tried to, they were kind of-

“‘EY ANDREI, LOOK WHO I FOUND!” Shouted a kikimora all-too-loudly from the other side of the cafeteria.

Ah. Speak of the devil.

Although she didn’t just have Penelope with her this time, she was dragging an automaton behind her, who seemed to just be passively being brought along.

“Lookit, Andrei, I just picked ‘er up! Her name’s Dani!”

Despite being interrupted from his train of thought so rudely by Petunia, he found himself staring at the Automaton. What did she say her name was? Dani? His eyes were drawn to her hips, as well as her abnormally long legs that gave her a rather intimidating height of 6 feet compared to his meagre 5’11”. She was… stunning. Inhumanly beautiful, but he supposed she was a robot.

“Uh… hello? Andrei, are you fuckin’ paying attention?” Petunia glared at him, clearly annoyed at where he was staring.

“Huh? Oh shit. Sorry about that ‘Tunia. A-a-and hey uh… D-Dani… My name is… uh… Andrei.”

Fuck. Goddammit. That was supposed to sound more… cool? God, she probably thought he was an idiot now.

Maybe?

He couldn’t tell, she had the same blank look on her face like she hadn’t registered anything at all. He hoped she hadn’t, she was the cutest girl he’d seen in-

The automaton nodded to him politely and immediately turned to Petunia. “Now that I’ve met your associates, have I gained access to the small one?”

Petunia put her hands on her hips and nodded sagely, like some kind of mockery of a businessman. “Well, a deal’s a deal, after all. Have at it.”

Without a moment more of waiting, Dani swept Penelope up, holding the dormouse like a baby.

“HEY, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH DOING?!” the irate mouse shouted when she realised what had happened.

Dani squeezed her a little tighter, petting her head softly. “Shh. Be quiet little one, just accept my love.”

Petunia coughed and looked away. “Sorry Little P, she only said she’d come with us if she got to hold ya.”

“IS SHE FUCKING GAY OR SOMETHING?! WHAT THE FUCK BIG P?!” She squirmed a little harder, but was unable to escape the robot’s grasp and settled into looking mildly irritated as she continued to be petted against her will.

“So anyway Andrei, we’re going to your house again today, right?” Petunia wasn’t even really asking. Andrei knew she’d be showing up to his house whether he was there or not, and his parents would definitely let her in. He cursed having a family that had been friends with hers since before either of them had been born. He was stuck with her.

Andrei sighed, and Petunia took that as some kind of affirmation. “Good, we’ll see you after school, then! Come on, P- oh.”

As she turned to retrieve her companion, she found the dormouse asleep in Dani’s arms, cuddling into the automaton’s chest and snoring happily. Dani gave Petunia a pleased-looking thumbs-up and followed her out of the room, still carrying her prize.

***

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a9971d No.362819

Andrei walked up the steps to his house, all three girls in tow. Before he could even put his key in the lock, the door swung open, revealing his mother.

“Oh, Andrei! You brought your little friends over again! Are they going to stay for dinner? I was just about to go out and…” She shivered a little. “Collect the eggs.

“Uh… do you want me to do it, mom? I know you’re kinda scared of the chickens.”

“NO! I’m not showing those little demonspawn any weakness!”

“…Mom, they’re just normal chickens.”

“THEY ARE NOT! They only pretend to be normal around you, but as soon as your back’s turned…!”

She took a paranoid glance behind her, screaming when she noticed a crowd of chickens had gathered behind her. They stared at her for a moment, then the one at the front, wearing a tiny helmet, ruffled her feathers.

The squad of chickens immediately sat down, leaving eggs on the floor before marching away.

“SEE?!” Natasha shouted, dramatically pointing at the chickens behind her.

“…Didn’t they save you the trouble, though, Auntie Natasha?” Petunia said, poking her head out from around Andrei.

Natasha fumed a moment, muttering curses at the chickens, when Cheslav stepped into the room, holding two armfuls of the birds. “Natasha, do not be mean to precious chickens! Comrade Peepers was only trying to help with chores.”

“Those… spawn of your demonic chicken shouldn’t be prancing about trying to make a fool of me! I am nobility, remember?!”

He looked mildly insulted, hugging his chickens a little closer to his chest. “Comrade Cluckers was good chicken who make more good chickens! Please be nice to little ones, they are still young and learning.”

Young? They’re more than 20 years old! What the hell kind of chicken even lives that long?”

Cheslav looked at his wife like she’d grown a second head. “Comrade Cluckers’ babies are special chickens.”

Natasha groaned in frustration. “I’m going to make dinner. Your friends have to stay, Andrei, we have too many eggs now.”

“Wait, what? But-”

Dani pushed her way past Andrei and Petunia, eyes sparkling as she gazed at Cheslav’s armful of fluffy, fluffy chickens. “May I… May I touch your cocks?”

Cheslav was confused. “Eeeh… comrades are hens.”

“I WISH TO PET THEM.” Dani repeated, her eyes starting to glow slightly red.

One of the chickens leapt out of Cheslav’s arms and landed on the automaton’s outstretched hand. “Oh! Comrade Peckers says she wants to talk with Andrei’s new friend.”

As Dani began to stroke the hen, it began to peck her arm in an odd pattern. It was a few moments before something clicked in Dani’s head, and she looked down at the chicken, dumbfounded.

“It’s… yes, I’m Dani. …That’s right. …Really?”

Natasha poked her head out from the kitchen, squinting suspiciously at the chicken and robot. “What on earth are you doing, girl?”

“Pardon me, ma’am, we were just having a conversation in morse.”

“They know- what’s it saying?”

“Well, we were just- …I shouldn’t? I’m sorry, ma’am, Ms. Peckers says that this is a private conversation.”

A ghostly hand formed around Natasha’s, squeezing the wooden spoon she was holding until it shattered into splinters.

“Oh, is it? I’ll just leave you two to it, then.” She spat, storming off.

“…Yes, she does seem a bit… Alright, then.” Dani nodded at the chicken, then placed it atop her head.

An awkward silence passed before Cheslav broke it. “Ehhh, Petunia and friends welcome to stay for dinner. Will make boiled egg and horseradish sandwiches.”

Andrei shuddered, he hated boiled eggs and horseradish.

***

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a9971d No.362820

“So… robot lady. Does ehhh… have parents?” Cheslav asked, sitting at the table and being the only one to actually eat his dinner.

“Well, not in the traditional sense. The gremlin that built me can be considered my mother but…” Dani looked down at her sandwich

Cheslav nodded. “Why does tiny mouse carry around bat?”

Penelope shrugged. “Sometimes when you’re shorter than the rest, you need a little… extra persuasion to get your way, know what I’m sayin?”

Andrei scoffed. “As if it helped you with Dani.”

You wanna run that by me again?” Penelope waved her bat in his direction.

Cheslav continued on like he hadn’t even heard the exchange. “Reminds me of favourite baton from when I was very small gopnik! Had to steal from KGB while was trying to hit me with it, but was aaaall worth it.”

Andrei groaned. He was going to do it again. However, Penelope and Petunia’s ears perked up.

Cheslav recounted tales of his childhood, growing up in a country where the mafia had a very close relationship with local civilians. He talked at length about running with gangs, helping smugglers, even drinking on the weekends with terrorists before he was 15.

Penelope and Petunia were completely engrossed in his stories, in love with the idea of being a misfit of society and making it on their own by not following the rules. Eventually, Penelope spoke up.

“M-Mr. Cheslav, sir, do you know how we could obtain the strength to destroy our oppressors?”

Cheslav’s eye twitched, his pupil replaced with a red star for a split second. “Did you say… oppressor?”

“Uhhhh…” Penelope looked conflicted, as if she wasn’t sure whether or not she should say yes or no.

“YES! They are our oppressors.” Petunia butted in, causing Andrei to scream internally.

Cheslav stood up abruptly, causing everyone except Andrei to jump in surprise. “Be of following me, young comrades.”

***

Cheslav led them down the concrete stairs, Dani needing to nearly squat to get both her tall body and the chicken perched on her head through the large steel door.

They proceeded down flight after flight of stairs until Cheslav stopped abruptly on what seemed like a random landing, causing Andrei to almost bump into him. “Uh, dad?”

The gopnik turned to address the group, squatting down and running his finger along a barely-visible string at knee height. “Veeeeeery careful of strings, children, will make loud noise and also no legs.”

“…You know what mom said about traps in the house, right?”

“Andrei my son, this is not house, this is basement. You do not have to tell mother about this, okaaaay?” Cheslav disconnected the wire from the wall and spooled it up, tossing it on the floor before beckoning the rest of the group to follow.

Penelope sidled up to Andrei and nudged him with her elbow. “D-does he… usually do this?”

“Well, not that much anymore, since my mom doesn’t really like it, but-”

“I-is there going to be more?! I mean, a-are they in your house? How many ya got down here?! How are you supposed to see those little strings?! Should I go back? What if there’s more and then I’m all alone and-?!”

Penelope nearly squealed when Cheslav patted her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry little mouse. Will be very careful to-”

There was a small thump on the ground, and Cheslav looked down at a small green grenade he’d dropped at their feet. “…oops.”

The mouse screeched, jumping backward and attempting to use Dani as a shield, quivering.

A few tense seconds passed before Cheslav burst out in laughter, slapping Andrei on the back. “Haha, is best joke, is it not Andrei?”

“DAAAD!” Andrei whined.

The mouse poked her teary eyes out from behind Dani, who was taking the opportunity to slide in a cheeky pat. “W-what?”

“Is oldest trick in book small mouse! I remember when babushka would throw in crib to see if I had will to survive!” The entire group was stunned speechless for a full minute. What were you even supposed to say to that?

After a while waiting, Cheslav merely shrugged and continued leading the high schoolers further into the bunker. They passed several signs and doors, including one that read ‘Church Escape Tunnel,’ until they eventually came to a large blast door.

“Now children, is very important to be careful in workshop. Maaaany pointy and spicy things. Also very fun things. Come, I show.”

The gopnik input several complicated-looking codes into a number of pads and the whole bunker shook as the heavy steel door slid open, revealing a veritable armoury of guns, explosives and various tools in addition to vehicles- all stowed in what seemed like an organised kind of disarray.

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a9971d No.362821

Dani looked around the shop, entranced at the sheer volume of machines and material that outmatched even her mother’s messy workspace. Cheslav practically pranced around the room, weaving through piles of junk and considering various items in the shop.

“Ay, blyat, not again! Was supposed to be good cosmo.” He spat in disgust, pulling out several very moist Nagants and throwing them into an empty box of similar-looking rifles. “Cannot leave barrel open for one day without more growing, blyat.”

The automaton rubbed her legs together on seeing the soaked guns treated so roughly after their impromptu grease bath.

“Oooooh, my hip servos have gotten sooooooo~ stiff from walking down all those stairs~” Dani said, her eyes flickering for a moment before artificially becoming hearts. “If only someone with small, cute little paws could rub me down for a nice reward.

She glanced down at Penelope, who looked around the room, flustered. “Uh, that’s, uh… kinda, like… I mean, y-you’ve got a handsome fella right here, don’t ya?”

Andrei’s heart leapt. Was this his chance? Sure, she was a bit, weird, but she seemed like she was really nice! It was a lot better than his other options. This could be the start of something great for him! He could already imagine getting to walk through the school with her instead of having the school ‘gang’ following him around and making people look at him like he was a leper. “H-hey, Dani, if you want, I could-”

“Of course, Cheslav will do! Come here, robot lady.”

The tingling in Dani’s artificial loins immediately left her. “Er, no, that’s-”

“Not be silly, Cheslav will fix.” He stuck a well-greased finger into one of the automaton’s hip joints, and after fiddling around for a moment, seemingly found what he had been looking for. “Ah! This is problem!”

“Wait, d-!” Dani fell to her knees before making several sounds like a jammed photocopier, displaying a blue error screen on her eyes.

Andrei ran to the android, heaving what had to be at least 200 pounds of metal onto his lap. “Dad! What did you do to her?!”

“Took out useless garbage! Was clogging machinery, is no wonder robot lady feels pain from moving legs.” Cheslav said defensively, holding a mechanical component with a few wires on it behind his back. “Besides, is already waking up, see!”

The sound of a fan starting was followed by a little startup jingle and the robot’s eyes returned to normal. She reached up, patting Andrei on the head. Did this mean…? Was she… well, he probably shouldn’t get his hopes up, but-

“Andrei?”

“O-oh, right! Sorry, uh, I can let you go now.”

Cheslav rubbed his hands together like nothing had happened. “Now then, children, we get you things to help fight imperialists, da?”

Petunia, realising she may have gotten herself into a more serious situation than she thought, tried to interject. “Uh, actually, we meant-”

“Here, take these, will help.” He shoved an AK and several magazines into her arms before she could finish. “Now, robot lady is veeeeery tall…”

He paced around the room a bit, shaking his head at a few things.

“No, is too- Aha!” he scooped up an anti-tank rifle and an RPG that had been propped up in the same corner and dragged them over to Dani. “Now, tell Uncle Cheslav if is not enough, still have turret from tank I used to drive to high school. Now little mouse, how about nice PPSh for-”

Penelope clutched her baseball bat defensively, shaking her head. “Mr. Naptime has been with me since I was a baby! I’m not just abandoning him for some.. ''shitty' little boomstick where I can’t even see their faces!”

“Hmm… Cheslav understands. Once, had most powerful weapon in world, and was also best friend. Is sad Comrade Peckers and sisters could not meet parent.” He paused for a moment. “Ah, have idea. Come, bring Comrade Naptime, we will make stronger.”

After a few minutes of work, Cheslav wiped the sweat from his brow and handed the mouse back her bat, now with several nails sticking out the end.

Just as the mouse began chuckling in cruel glee, giving the bat a few test swings, there was an explosion outside and Natasha stormed into the room, wearing a singed cooking apron and brandishing a ladle.

“CHESLAV, ARE YOU GIVING CHILDREN RIFLES AGAIN?”

“O-oh! Natasha, did not expect so soo- er, to see you in normal, boring basement! Is wonderful idea, we give something smaller, easy to hide in backpa- Agh, blyat!”

Natasha easily lifted the aging gopnik off his feet by his ear. Babushka’s technique always worked like a charm to put a stop to whatever nonsense he’d get himself in at least weekly, if not daily. “Now, children, lay down those guns and go upstairs for dinner. Me and my DEAR HUSBAND need to have another talk about leaving TRAPS IN THE HOUSE.”

The group of teens gently placed the guns that had been thrust upon them into a heap and nearly ran out of the room when they saw the fire in her eyes.

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a9971d No.362822

“Ehe… B-but Natasha, is not house, is baseme- W-what are you doing with ladle?”

***

The Next Day at School

“Alright, summer break was fun and all, but this year we gotta get serious. Right Andrei!?” Petunia asked, swatting Andrei on the rear.

“Oh! Yeah, I’m gonna have to ask you not to do that. And I was actually thinking that this year would be better spent improving ourselves and our grades and stuff.” Andrei turned so she no longer had easy access to his unguarded behind.

“I agree, we’ve not done a very good job striking fear into the hearts of our enemies. We really need to…” Petunia leaned in. “…Up the ante.”

Andrei raised his eyes in suspicion. “What do you mean ‘Up the ante?’”

“Yeah. Now that we have a cold unfeeling robot to do our grunt work, I say we get a little more bold with our bullying tactics.”

…Bold?” Andrei folded his arms.

“Yeah, if we want to get any power in this school, first we need money. Money equals power. Dani, that’s where you come in.”

Dani, who up until now hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation, suddenly jolted awake. “Uwah? Uhhh… What did you want me to do again?”

“Collect funds, go around and demand people give you their lunch money. Also, make sure to insist it’s going to a good cause so they don’t feel too bad about getting bamboozled. As I’ve learned, the best way to be a bad guy is to be ruthless in defeat but magna- magin… fuckin’… dad says this shit all the time… magnetic in victory.”

Dani considered it for a moment, then spoke up. “Very well, but in return I wish to be known as D4-N1 from now on.”

“Oh yeah! We forgot to give you a super awesome badass nickname! But eeh… are you sure you want it to be… D4-N1?”

“It’s a lot better than Big P…

I beg your fuckin’ pardon?

A brief smile flashed across Dani’s face. “Nothing. I will go acquire funds.”

“Yeah, that’s what I damn well thought.” Petunia muttered before turning her attention towards Penelope. “And you, your new task is to get people scared of us. That fatass who’s always on the staircase seems like he’s a bloody big corndog fund, the fatass, so he’s a good place to start.”

“I was gonna take a nap! Come on! You know I always- Actually, you know what? Fine.” With that, Penelope picked up her new spiked bat and hurried over to the staircase near their usual meeting spot on the roof.

Upon seeing her walking towards him with a weapon in hand, the tubster attempted to make a run for it, but he walked up a grand total of six steps before falling on one knee and bracing himself on the bannister, panting like a dog with cholera. “P-please, oh g-god, take whatever you want! Just don’t hurt my corndogs!”

Penelope grinned, clearly satisfied with his reaction. “Ha. Nice try, bub. On your knees.”

Suddenly, a few heads snapped in their direction. Wait, that girl was holding a spiked bat!? Was she really just going to… in front of everyone?

The boy trembled as he closed his eyes, waiting for whatever gruesome death she had planned in store. He was confused when he felt her head resting on his lap.

“…You ain’t going to piss yourself, are ya?” Petunia asked, eyes closed.

“Uh… m-m-maybe?”

“Pfft, better fuckin’ not. Otherwise I’ll crack your skull open with Mr. Naptime. Now shut the fuck up and don’t move, I’m tired.”

Within seconds, she had fallen asleep, leaving her victim unsure of what he should be doing or whether he should still be scared.

***

Where the hell was she? Petunia had dashed away as soon as Penelope had stomped off. He was starting to get concerned she’d do something… Drastic.

“YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT! HE’S WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL AND HE LOVES ME!”

Well, that definitely sounded like one of the kikimoras from next door, and he doubted Petunia’s mom had come for a visit outside parent-teacher conferences, so…

When Andrei burst into one of the empty classrooms, he found a screaming jock tied to a chair, Petunia pepperspraying the man aggressively while she held a the broken leg of another chair over her shoulder. Oh no.

Maybe he could shake her out of it? “Uh, P-Petunia? H-uh… hey hot stuff, why don’t you just let the nice man-”

The kikimora’s head spun around 180 degrees, and she squinted at him for a moment. “NO! ANDREI, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MISERABLE FUCKING SCUMBAG SAID ABOUT YOU!?”

“Look, it can’t have been-”

“HE!” She said, pointing her chair leg at the man, who was busy begging for mercy. “THIS COCKSUCKER CALLED YOU A MISERABLE PUSSY! I JUST WANTED TO FUCKING ROB HIM, BUT OOOOH, NO! HIM AND HIS BIG FUCKING MOUTH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HE FUCKING SAID?! HE FUCKING SAID YOU ONLY HANG OUT WITH ME BECAUSE YOU’RE SCARED OF ME! HE SAID I WAS FUCKING CRAZY!”

“P-Petunia, I don’t know where he’d get that impression, so why don’t you-”

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a9971d No.362823

“I’M NOT FUCKING CRAZY, SO I’M JUST GOING TO PULL HIS TEEF OUT SO HE CAN’T SPREAD HIS FUCKING LIES ANY MORE, OKAY!? HE CAN CRAWL BACK ON HIS BROKEN FUCKING LEGS TO HIS SHITTY FRIENDS AND HE WON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK FOR THEM TO LEARN THEIR LESSON! NOW BE A DEAR AND GRAB A CHAIR LEG, WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER LIKE WE’RE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES-”

Andrei stepped out of the room and slammed the door. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. She’d never been so mad that he couldn’t stop her before. Okay. Calm down. Who would know what to do about this? Maybe her dad would know?! He could just call him. Y-yeah!

***

Church’s phone rang unexpectedly. He already hated this. It had better not be one of those miserable bloody telephone solicitors.

“Hello?”

“CHURCH! HOLY FUCK THANK GOD YOU ANSWERED!”

Cheslav’s boy? “What in god’s name has gotten you so excited, er… And… Andrew?”

“That’s not- Okay, your daughter kind of wanted to start a gang and she needed some money so she went out to rob some people and this one guy said the wrong thing so now she’s pepper spraying him and saying she’s going to pull out his teeth and break his knees! What do I do?!”

Church snorted. “Good lord, doesn’t she know we’re rich? Why does she need to take lunch money from commoners?”

“That’s not-”

Church stopped paying attention to the phone for a moment when Prudence walked into his study with tea. “Oh! Master, who are you talking to?”

“Cheslav’s boy. Something about Petunia going around breaking people’s legs for lunch money.”

“Oh, Master, that’s wonderful! She’s turning out to be a little scamp just like we were at that age!”

“Good fucking lord woman! You don’t break a man’s legs for loose change when you’ve got our stature! This ought to be about something important like a trade dispute or morally justified like stolen underwear!”

Andrei was completely dumbfounded by the conversation he was witnessing on the other side of the phone. He knew they were a bit… out there, but… what the hell? “L-look! I really need to stop her, okay! This is going way too far and-”

“I agree, boy. I won’t have one of my servants dirtying her hands with commoners’ blood. I can only afford buy out the the school staff a few dozen more times this month. The best solution is just a bit of chloroform. You’re Cheslav’s son, so I’m sure you’ve got some stashed away in your trousers.”

“W-what?! Why the hell would I have that?!”

“You don’t? Well, I suppose you’re right fuckered then. Anyway, I have to talk to my head maid about appropriate behaviour.

“Master, does that mean we’re having a seventh daughter?!”

“What?! NO! NO! GET THE HELL AWAY-”

Before Andrei could get another word in, Church hung up.

***

Cheslav leaned out of the door of his office, looking at row after row of his frantically working office subordinates. Being middle management sure was boring. Everyone was always so perfectly behaved and never took any breaks if he was watching. It was weird, it’s like they were scared of him when they were just glorious comrades working toward a brighter future and full capitalism!

Cheslav nearly jumped at the opportunity when the phone on his desk rang. Maybe it was the… er… what was his title? Office politburo man. “Hello, this is CIA headquarter, who needs to be sending to ‘secret’ Cuba gulag? Just kidding, is-”

“Dad, no! Petunia is losing it and Church wasn’t any help!”

“Oh, tiny Prudence again? You know, is just like her mother. You just need to calm down!”

“SHE’S HOLDING A GUY HOSTAGE AND SAYING SHE’S GOING TO PULL OUT HIS TEETH!”

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a9971d No.362825

“Maybe you just need to calm down situation with funny prank then?”

“W-what do you mean?” …Maybe it could work! Dad was always full of surprises!

“Will show you funny prank! Even help Marshall to meet wife! All you have to do is throw gas grenade into room! Everyone cry tears of joy and have lots of fun and be friends after! Watch!”

Cheslav reached into his suitcase, digging around a bit until he found one of his tear gas canisters and his gas mask. He stood up and walked to the door, leaning through the frame and getting the office’s attention.

“Comrades! Have present for good work!”

A few observant souls saw the gas mask in Cheslav’s hand and started bolting towards the exit, but none of the 46 office workers Cheslav oversaw managed to escape before the gas canister started pouring extremely spicy air into the office.

“See, Andrei? Everyone is having lots of fun running around and crying together! Is happy occasion!” Cheslav said, through his gas mask.

“…Dad, first of all, where the hell would I get a tear gas grenade?”

“Is one in gym bag! Made sure to pack after meddling wife did precursory check.”

“I’M NOT GASSING MY FRIENDS!”

“Don’t be silly, you see how whole office is happy! They are screaming with joy!”

“DAD, YOU’RE ON THE PHONE, I CAN’T SEE YOU! AND IF EVERYONE’S SCREAMING, DID YOU GAS THE OFFICE AGAIN?!”

“Ah! Are right, son! I will go to school and show, wait right there!”

“WAIT-”

*click*

***

Andre was getting desperate. M-maybe Marshall?

The phone rang a few times before he got an answer from a loud-sounding background.

“Hey howdy hey. Cowpoke Electric, Marshall speakin’. Can we wrangle some wires fer ya today?”

“Marshall? It’s Andrei.”

“Oh, hey buddy. Dad gas the office again?”

“Well… Yes, but that’s not what I’m calling about. Petunia is losing it on some guy and threatening to pull out his teeth and stuff.”

“Well, shit. Ya try chloroformin’ her already?”

“Why are you all- No, I don’t have chloroform!”

“…Y’sure? That don’t seem like your family. Are ya doing okay, bud?”

“Look, she’s just… I need help, okay?!”

“I’ll say. Your dad’s lettin’ you go around unprepared as all get out. Look, if ya need ta fix ‘er up right and ya ain’t got nothin’ to knock her out, why don’t ya just do what we did fer Prudence? Just find whoever’s her Church and throw ‘im in front of her.”

Andrei began to sweat. He knew who it was. He’d always known who it was, but he’d been pretending he didn’t notice. He’d hoped if he just ignored it, it wouldn’t be true. But… He wasn’t fooling anyone.

“It’s, uh…” Andrei paused, sniffling. “I-it’s me.”

There was a long pause before Marshall responded. “…I am so sorry. You’re right fuckerooed.”

*click*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

***

This was getting out of hand. He was desperate. Andrei had finally managed to catch up to Dani after all three adults were completely unhelpful, but she had already found a mark. The poor boy was pushed against a wall, the large android looming over him.

“I require funds.”

“U-uh… Do you mean, uh-”

“P L E A S E I N S E R T C O I N S”

“I-I uh… I don’t- h-have to, you know…”

“IT WOULD MAKE THE BIG P VERY DISPLEASED IF I HAD TO BREAK YOU.”

“T-the what?!”

“Then again, perhaps she’d allow it. Shall we find out?”

“I-I’m sorry, l-look, take my money, okay?!”

Dani leaned in, touching the boy’s ear with her mouth. “Guess where my coin slot is located~”

OKAY, THAT WAS ENOUGH. Andrei sensed his moment and dashed in. “DANI YOU GOTTA FUCKING HELP ME!”

“What’s the matter, third wheel?” Dani asked, casually tossing aside her would-be victim.

“Petunia is about to break a guy’s kneecaps and my dad’s coming to LOB A GRENADE AT THE SCHOOL SO I CAN MAKE FRIENDS!!!”

“I fail to see how lobbing a grenade will lead to anything but fewer friends.”

“THAT’S WHAT I SAID! Anyway, I need you to help me. I can probably handle my dad but there’s no way I can get Petunia out of this bloodlust.”

“And what should I do, then?”

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a9971d No.362826

“I dunno, just fucking hit them in their temples and knock them out using that perfect robot precision or something. Please? I-I’m really worried she’s gonna do something fucked up and I don’t know if I can stop her any more!”

Dani looked at the small, pathetic man begging. She hadn’t noticed how cute he was when he looked so… helpless.. She felt some of her components warming up on their own. “…Say I did help you with this little predicament, what’s in it for me~? I could also just as easily walk away and leave you all to your fate…”

“Fuck. I uhhh….” Andrei rummaged around through his backpack, looking for something, anything that could be of interest to Dani. Wait, maybe these would work…

“I’ve got some double A batteries?”

Dani looked at him, then the batteries. It wasn’t what she was hoping for, but…

“Fine, but just so you know, AA batteries are the discount dried peanuts of the battery world. I’d much prefer a nice, big D cell from you. Just something to keep in mind next time you ask me for a favor.” She popped them into her mouth, chewing them while the aluminum made the most awful noise being ground against her teeth. “Oh bwy duh wehy, hit’s wacist to asswume I eat bhattewies.”

***

Petunia raised her makeshift bat, ready to strike down the idiot who DARED to insult Andrei. She swung.

Nothing happened.

She looked up and her dumbass beating stick hadn’t moved.

Dani gripped the chair leg a little tighter. “Big P. It’s time to go.”

“IF YOU FUCKING TRY TO STOP ME, I’M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FIR-”

The kikimora collapsed as Dani used her kung-fu chop action to instantly knock her unconscious. “There we are, Andrei. Now, are we going to-”

Before she could finish her sentence, she was interrupted by a short man in a suit bursting into the room. “Not to worry, Andrei, Cheslav is- oh. You take care of problem with tiny Prudence?”

“…Hi dad. Her name is Petunia, and yes. No thanks to any of the ‘adults’ in my life.”

“Oh, did you use chloroform? Aaaalways work for kikimora who need to have sleepy times.”

“What? Why do all of you think I have chloroform?”

“Andrei! Would never let you leave house not prepared. Did you forget about chloroform bottle in gym bag?”

“What?! I thought that was cologne!”

“Andrei, do not be silly. ‘Kikimora sleepytime juice’ is not man perfume brand, is special blend of 16 herbs and chloroforms. Do not sniff like Church, yes?”

“Fucking… Okay. Shouldn’t you be at work right now?”

“Oh, right! Came to show you this!” With no hesitation, Cheslav dropped a canister of tear gas onto the floor and donned his gas mask.

God, did his dad really think he was stupid enough to leave home without a gas mask? That would be completely irresponsible.

Dani, completely immune to a little bit of spicy gas, stood awkwardly beside the two gas-masked men as Petunia and the jock she had kidnapped sputtered and tried not to vomit.

“WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!”

END OF BONUS CHAPTER 2

Now that this thread is about to reach bump limit, should we move this to another thread? Or is there a better way than this?

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493d1f No.362827

File: d261e6c93725915⋯.png (24.78 KB,198x340,99:170,d261e6c937259158fc56ddc4dc….png)

oh shit nigger i didn't know this was getting new updates

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fbe7c9 No.362879

File: 418e70646a81e73⋯.png (425.8 KB,538x536,269:268,418e70646a81e7374faa658008….png)

There is a better way OP. get this shit published

Also yeah, archive and new thread before it hits bump limit.

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7efcd4 No.362885

File: c9440a651060732⋯.jpeg (46.46 KB,800x794,400:397,8A98DDE9-6C98-48D2-862F-7….jpeg)

Good shit as always, jexx. I thought this was dead but here it is.

>>362879

Is there a reason you put a name on?

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a9971d No.362900

>>362885

That's my secret. I'm always dead

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f7974d No.362935

>>362900

Another thread!

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8d7441 No.363042

File: ec6224d87235384⋯.jpg (64.16 KB,640x644,160:161,03d9f164a387631b14d27842d8….jpg)

>>36288

I apologise. I was very drunk last night. Mustve struck me as funny.

On the plus side, I remembered to sage

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18574f No.363705

File: de0b3167e62b446⋯.jpeg (11.79 KB,255x191,255:191,1f1c995648840be54596ba34c….jpeg)

>>215309

i've barley read any but i can already say its going to be one of if not my all time favorite story if you don't pastbin this ill vague threat you

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494194 No.363714

>>363705

It's actually up on touchfluffytail so we can keep the formatting and pictures.

nice bump fag

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a9971d No.372883

>>363714

Bonus Episode III- Revenge of the Raiders

“Ha! Got your bishop, you flop-eared nonce.”

Lily laughed politely as Church smugly looked over the chess board. “Oh! You always get me with that one, Master!”

Marshall leaned back in his chair on the other side of Church’s study and shook his head at Cheslav. Lily hadn’t been joking. They met up almost every Friday and he was pretty sure that Lily played the exact same game with her dad every time.

“You know, is surprising, little kikimora. Church is very bad at funny checkers. Even Cheslav beat once.” The gopnik said from his seat across from Marshall.

“YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! You cheated and I’m sure of it! Queens can’t move that far and everyone knows it.”

“Mmhmm. Sure, partner.” Marshall said, taking a sip of his whiskey.

“Good lord, it’s no small wonder I’m driven to drink every time the two of you are in my study. Where the hell is my drink-maid, by the way?”

The door swung open, revealing Prudence, dressed in a German barmaid’s outfit, trying to balance several alcoholic beverages on a serving platter. “C-coming, Master!”

Church sighed. “And it’s this costume again. Why are you wearing that around the house?”

“It helps me get in the spirit of serving drinks, Master! I brought a few extra gin and tonics for you so you don’t have to wait, by the way.”

He paused. “Well, you’ve earned back a bit of my good grace. But why a German? You know, my ancestor Old Churchill fought those scum in at least three wars.”

Prudence blushed a little and straightened out her skirt a bit. “Well Master, why don’t you come take your war booty…

“I won’t even bring up the fact that company’s over, since they’ve had to put up with your antics for nearly a quarter of a century now, but good fucking lord, did you not notice that your own bloody daughter is in the room with us?”

Prudence turned bright red when she noticed Lily sitting across from her husband. “U-um… I… uh… I was just joking, sweetie~! Just some adult humour, haha!”

“Don’t believe her for a second. She put viagra in the final glass of gin and tonic. I can see it from here.” Church leaned back a little, looking up at one of the room’s finely adorned walls. “Anyway, Prudence. Would you be ever so kind as to take your underwear off of my wall? I know this business with Rose taking up the family tradition has gotten you excited, but I won’t be having it. Especially when the wall of triumph is IN THE BLOODY DINING ROOM, WOMAN!”

Lily perked up when Church mentioned the underwear raid she’d gone on with Rose. “A-actually, Da- Master, I was there with-”

Church snatched another glass of gin and tonic, downing it in a single gulp before shaking his finger at Prudence. “You know, the bloody… ffffucking dark angels wouldn’t have tried this miserable little game with me, woman.”

“MASTER!”

Just then, Saria strolled into the room with Natasha in tow. “Did I hear storytime? I was just getting bored, since poor little Violet was getting a little too worked up from Auntie Saria’s stories~”

Natasha sneered. “I’m pretty sure you were actually just supplying a minor with-”

“Oh, hush. She turned 18 months ago.” Saria plopped herself down onto her usual spot on Marshall’s lap and folded her legs. “So… dark angels? You know, I still talk to a few of those girls every now and then on literotica.”

“Well, you’re in luck, you pointy-eared cockleeve.” Saria shivered with mild pleasure at the insult. I was almost the god of the lot of them.”

Lily’s eyes lit up, seeing the potential to earn untold amounts of Good Girl Points. “R-really, Master?! I mean, you deserve it, so it’s no real surprise, but-”

Church took another sip of liquor, apparently trying to drink himself into a coma before anyone could argue with his view. “I would have had it all, if it weren’t for those meddling kids and their dog-bird-thing.”

“D-don’t listen to your father, Lily! They’re… they’re just awful! All of them! And Master, it was your friends and beloved maid and wife who stopped you from going down that…” Prudence vibrated in freshly-remembered anger. “…that horrible fucking path with those dumb whores who were just going to rape you and pass you around like garbage and steal you from me and stop my beautiful daughters from being born and-!”

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a9971d No.372885

The room ignored Prudence as she began to vibrate and froth at the mouth, old and wise enough to realise that trying to interrupt her was a mistake.

Church cleared his throat and spoke a little louder to be heard over the intensely angry kikimora. “Well, it all began when I was judged in a magical trial to be the fairest in the land…”

“Hold up, partner. Me n’ Cheslav were the only ones in our right minds that whole trip and that ain’t how it happened. Now listen up, missy. We’re gonna tell you the real story.”

A long time ago, in a college, far, far away (35 minutes by bus)…

The three boys and the kikimora stood in front of the black cathedral, Church looking at the spire with disgust.

“Really? They put a statue of a dark angel masturbating with the spire? …Oh god, that’s real.”

“Black wing ladies have good taste.” Cheslav admired the obsidian-like quality the bricks had.

“Alright, partner. You’re the one that said the dark angels would be a harrowin’ ordeal, what do ya mean by that, exactly?”

“The lesson about Dark Angels was semester fucking one, Marshall. They value corruption and degeneracy above all else. Mere well-intentioned underwear thieves are likely too pure to get in, since we’re only doing it to make a statement.”

“Uh… You know, whatever. Who’s goin’ first, then?” Marshall asked.

“Cheslav will fight door. Only defeated one so big when had to escape haunted gulag during dare when was child. Cheslav never leaves home without explosives now.”

The goplet approached the door. When he paused in front of the monolithic stone, a hollow, haunting voice was emitted from within.

”YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.”

“…What, is it? No puzzle? Pizdyets, worst magic door have ever seen. Maybe should just blow up, Church.” Cheslav said, looking back at church with his hands in his pockets.

There was a long pause.

”W-WAIT.”

There was another long pause before the door spoke again.

”W-WHAT IS THE NECTAR OF THE GODS?”

Cheslav squatted into action. Was it glorious vodka? Babushka’s homemade jam? No… maybe kvass after long day of work?

Cheslav thought of home, the most /k/omfy place he knew. Wait…!

“Cosmo! Is finest lube for all occasion! Every real man should have at least one barrel. Learned in school for men in East Europe.”

The door slowly ground open, a squeak emanating from the hinges that sounded like a whispered kiiiiiiinkyyyyyy.

When Cheslav had proceeded inside and the door had shut fast behind him, Church turned to Marshall. “Well, you’re up, old boy. Don’t worry, you’re a degenerate, so you shouldn’t have any problems.”

“FUCKIN’- I don’t know why I put up with ya some days. Whatever. Headin’ up.”

Marshall stood in front of the door like it was high noon in the OK corral.

“Well?”

”SERIOUSLY? GO HOME.”

“Come on, gimme a riddle or some shit, at least!”

”WHAT’S TALL, FAT AND SHOULDN’T BE STANDING HERE?”

“…Ha, ha. So ya got some sass, huh? Let’s see how you like one’a these!” Getting a running start, Marshall kicked the door as hard as he could, instantly regretting his decision to attempt to hit a 5000-pound rock with his toes.

”HARDER, DADDY. I ALMOST FELT THAT ONE.”

Marshall let forth a string of curses that reminded everyone present that he was indeed from the American south and that the door was a deep, obsidian black.

”OOH, BETTER. STILL NOT LETTING YOU IN, THOUGH.”

“FUCK! Little help, Church? Hard ‘r’ was my only backup plan.”

“Hmm. Well, I don’t think I’d have kicked a stone door, personally.”

“YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! NO GODDAMN SHIT!”

“I don’t know, why don’t you kick a puppy or something instead? What do you want from me?”

“AND WHERE IN FUCKING T A R N A T I O N AM I GOING TO FIND A PUPPY, YOU BIG-LIPPED BRITCUCK!?”

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a9971d No.372886

“Rude. Wait, Prudence, you’re part dog, aren’t you?”

The kikimora shifted on her feet a little. “Y-yes, Master?”

“You know what I’m going to say. Get on all fours and bark a little so it’s more believable.”

Prudence suffered a near-crippling wave of arousal, barely stumbling over to Marshall before collapsing onto all fours. She panted a little, so humiliated she could hardly stand it. “D-do you really want me to, Master?”

Church tapped his foot. “What kind of ridiculous question is that? Get it over with, I can already tell you’re enjoying this more than you should.”

Marshall, who had managed to get back to his feet, looked down at the kikimora. “Prudence, this seems like… a little much. Why don’t we just find another way i-”

“W-woof…”

”SATAN’S SWEATY FUTA BALLSACK, SHE’S GOT ENOUGH CORRUPTION FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.”

Marshall took another glance at Prudence, who was trying to masturbate stealthily and utterly failing. “Tell me somethin’ I don’t know.”

”SHEEEIIIIIITTTT.”

The door ground open again, a little faster this time, though Marshall had to nearly drag the overwhelmed kikimora inside.

When the door shut again, Church cracked his knuckles and gave a little twirl of his cane. “Alright, you’re in for a tough fight, you oversized paperweight. You’re not pulling one over on me, though. I might be pure of intention, but I’ve got a mind like a-”

Church had barely blinked before the door had flown open, clattering against the walls of the massive cathedral.

“…What?”

”WELCOME HOME, MY LORD.

Excuse me? I’ll have you know I’ve never stepped a bloody foot in this miserable place, and even if I did, I wouldn’t belong there!”

Church waited an awkward moment, but the door remained quiet.

“Silent treatment, eh? Awfully childish for a misplaced piece of basalt. Well, more’s the pity. I’ve got panties to steal and PURE intentions to accomplish.”

When Church walked inside, he found his companions waiting for him, Prudence still in a mild stupor, though at least standing, even if she was still whispering the word ‘woof’ to herself periodically.

“Prudence, stop that this instant or I’m calling the shoggoth again.”

“SORRY MASTER! PLEASE DON’T! I’LL BE A GOOD GIRL I PROMIS-”

“Good girl. Now shut up, we have panties to-”

Suddenly, the gang heard the distinct sound of footsteps and occasional wing flapping from underground. Prudence put her ear to the floor, feeling the vibrations generated from the footsteps getting more and more intense.

Marshal grimaced. “Our cover’s blown already. Why’d you have to alert them, Church?”

“Don’t look at me, this door swung open so hard it clattered against the wall, damn near shattered itself. I’ve never felt so… mislabeled in my life.”

“THEY’RE HERE ALREADY, BRACE YOURSELVES!” Prudence shouted as the entire dark angel dorm erupted from the basement stairs, heading straight for them in a zealous fervor.

“OH SHIT, STAMPEDE!” Marshall took off his hat and held it in front of him, bracing himself for the oncoming flood of monsters.

Brace as they might, the rest of the crew was mowed down in a tide of feathery wings and soaked panties. Church soon found himself surrounded by at least twenty dark angels, all of them taking a knee before him.

“My lord, we could feel your presence as soon as the door opened for you! We’ve been awaiting your return for decades!”

Church looked just as confused as the rest of his companions. “Err… decades? You mean you’ve attended this school for that long? Not that I’d be surprised, given how dumb you monsters are but-”

“N-no, you misunderstand, my lord! O-our temple has foretold of the return of the great Churchy-one! A nigh-immortal and unstoppable force of evil and corruption that walked the earth for longer than many men.”

“Oh, you must be referring to my grandpappy. Tragic death, his was. Cut down in the prime of his 150’s by his bitter rival. At least they both died.”

The dark angels looked a bit confused for a second. “You… do understand that you carry His blood in your veins, right? That means you’re our lord!”

Church’s face lit up. “Your lord, you say?”

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a9971d No.372888

Marshall cringed. He knew this was going to go right to his head.

One of the dark angels in the back spoke up. “Yes, you will be welcomed back with the grandest of all celebrations! The Black Sabbath Feast.

Black Sabbath? Sounds like the kind of trash Marshall would listen to. Old enough to be dated but new enough to be anything but a classic.”

Marshall recoiled. He’d been found out. “Fuck you, partner.”

“No, fuck you, cowpoke.”

The dark angel cleared her throat. “My Lord, while we make the preparations, what would you have your loyal subjects do? The mighty messiah of old left so much undone before he left us.”

“Have a bowl of peeled grapes at the ready. I think it’s time for some long overdue recognition.” Church said as he allowed himself to be led away by some of the dark angels.

Marshall and Cheslav rolled their eyes, while Prudence looked more than a little incredulous. “And just where do you think you’re taking my Master!?”

The dark angels look at Prudence like she just denounced Slaanesh. “Uh… taking him to the throne room… duh!”

“The throne room…? The only chair Master needs is me!” Prudence tugged on her master’s sleeve protectively.

“Oh, shut your damned mouth you overgrown featherduster. We both know that you’d immediately ruin the carpet, to say nothing of encouraging your disgusting little tendencies. Now then, play nice with your new fellow servants while I’m gone.”

As Church was lead away, Marshall and Cheslav turned and started heading for the exit. “Welp, he looks as happy as a pig in mud, so let’s not get in the-”

“MARSHALL.” Prudence screeched.

“Aw, come on, Pru, he don’t need us two. You go on ahead and do your darin’ rescue mission.”

“Are you-” Prudence smiled and seized the larger man by the lapels. “-Suggesting we leave your valiant leader and my FUCKING Master to a bunch of slutty, whorish awful winged harlotbags who are going to steal MY FUCKING MASTER away from me?”

“Uh, look, let’s uh-”

The kikimora pulled him closer, a murderous look in her eyes, but not breaking the fake smile. “Marshall, you really ought not to make jokes like that. Someone might get hurt. More than one person might get hurt. Master always says I’m a psychotic, irrational terrifying woman on a weak leash and I’d hate to prove him right over a little joke about leaving him here between good friends like you, I and Cheslav here.”

Marshall glanced at Cheslav for help, trying not to break eye contact with the rabid beast before him for too long.

“Guess we go save Church, then.” Cheslav said, shrugging.

Prudence let go of Marshall and stepped back, beaming. “Good! I have the perfect plan. Strip.”

Kassidy brushed her bangs from her eyes for the umpteenth time, leaning forward with her face in her hands. She just couldn’t win with these dark angels! No matter what she tried to do to ‘fit in like the other darkies,’ it wasn’t enough. She even dyed her snow white wings a jet black, which was already drawing scorn from her fellow angels.

Though, it wasn’t like she wasn’t scorned by them anyway, part of the reason she was even hanging out at the dark angel dorm was because she wasn’t like the other girls. Rather than getting her butt touched after buying pizza, she wanted to be kissed under the milky twilight, and to be swept off her feet by some bad boy with a soft, vulnerable interior that she could nurture into a perfect husband.

As she mused about how lonely she was, she gazed up into the sky, up where her other sisters were. Perhaps switching sides wasn’t such a good idea after all. Yeah, tomorrow, she would pack her bags and move bac-

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a9971d No.372889

Wait, what was that sound in the distance? It kinda reminded her of… no, it was too high pitched for a motorcycle engine. What the fuck was that noise?

She didn’t have to wonder for long as the sound of George Thorogood blared in the distance. Kassidy squinted as a dust cloud kicked up on the horizon, quickly approaching the gate. Out of the dust, she eventually made out a… wait, was that a moped? It parked just outside the gate, and out stepped a tall, dark, and handsome man wearing a leather jacket, black jeans, sunglasses and even a bandana on his head.

…It looked like he was arguing with the sentient door about something. He was showing off his jacket and gesturing towards it like it was supposed to mean something. After what was at least a good 2 minutes of straight arguing, the door finally creaked open.

W-was this a blessing from the dark gods?? Nothing like this had ever happened to her before! She had to go meet him, surely he was here as a sign.

As the hesitant angel skittered to the door to see who it was,she found that he was wearing a fully decorated biker jacket, complete with skulls, bullets, and studs all around. Completing the look were some fingerless gloves and a bandolier belt.

He was fucking perfect. All that pure, unbridled edge made her think…. Un-wholesome things. Kassidy tried to think of how to approach him, she only had one shot and knew she couldn’t fuck it up. But… how could she possibly hope to just… approach him without it seeming awkward or creepy?

Wait, maybe if she just started off all cool and aloof, and OH SWEET DARKNESS WAS HE POPPING HIS COLLAR?!

“H-uh… hey there, sweetcheeks. Y’all know where we can find a good time ‘round these parts?”

Oh no. She hadn’t had time to think of something to say! She wasn’t ready yet! This wasn’t fair! Okay. Okay. One shot, Kassidy.

“Y-yes?!” She squeaked.

A man dressed in a black tracksuit with spikes on it poked his head out from behind Marshall. “Com- eh… Gang Boss Marshall, thought was supposed to be edgy angels, not mice.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Damage control. Damage control. What could Kassidy say to save this? “S-sorry, I… uh… it’s just that well, you’re such an… uncommon sight. Like, someone who knows what real inner darkness is about. There’s… uh… nothing but posers here. Do you boys want to uh… d-do something cool together?”

Marshall’s eyes lit up. Maybe he could just get what he was looking for without getting another facebook stalker he had to avoid this time! “So, uh… what do you gals do for fun here?”

“Well, uh… mostly they do like dark rituals and stuff, but I mean… pff. Right? L-lamesville.”

“Uh huh…” Marshall looked at the angel with growing concern. “A-and would ya be able t’show us where them… ritual rooms are?”

Kassidy felt a bead of sweat roll down her cheek. She didn’t expect him to be… this direct about his desires. Participate in an orgy with him already? Is this all bad guys wanted to do?

“O-ooh uh… w-well I suppose we could do that but uh… wouldn’t you rather go do something like… w-watch the stars? Maybe bake some cupcakes? The night is still young, there’s so much we can do!” Kassidy spun around whimsically, her wings outstretched.

Oh fucking great. Out of all the hedonistic dark angels he could run into, he found the hopeless romantic.

It was a long shot but maybe he could still turn the situation to his advantage. He motioned to Cheslav, time to execute Conversation Protocol Delta.

“Now hold on a sec, missy. I reckon y’all don’t have what it takes t’hang with the most hard-boiled of us. Ain’t that right, Red Menace?”

“Da, black-wing broad is only wasting precious time. Come, we must be of goi-”

“WAIT JUST A GODDAMN SECOND!” Kassidy stormed in front of them and was subsequently pushed out of the way. With not much of an alternative, Kassidy instead latched onto Marshall’s leg. “NO PLEASE LET ME COME WITH YOU I PROMISE I’M EDGY YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PUT IT IN MY BUTT YET!!”

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a9971d No.372890

Marshall tried to shake the little autist off his leg, but she had an iron grip.

“Aw hell, we ain’t gonna shake her off any time soon. She might as well help.”

“Help? With what?” Kassidy tapped her fingers together, nervously glancing around the room. Was this it? Anal sex? She hoped so.

Five minutes later, she could tell that it definitely wasn’t anal sex, unless this was the weirdest metaphor she’d ever heard. Kassidy scratched her head. “So, let me get this straight. You’re the baddest boys of all because you… steal underwear?

“You see, dyevushka, edgy is state of mind, but can only be backed up by raw, capitalist goods. Must acquire the garments of enemies to demand respect.”

Kassidy looked dumbfounded for a second, unsure of how to respond. “Uh…”

“The man speaks wisdom, you don’t see many wise Ruskis nowadays. Why don’tcha follow us? We’ll show you why they call me the… uh… Texan…ator.”

The angel paused. “But wait a minute, if you’re all about obtaining capitalist goods, why do they call you The Red Menace? Isn’t communism like… the embodiment of the establishment?”

Cheslav’s eyes shone. “Ah, but is where you are wrong, edgy angel. Supporting communist regime is very edgy. Is so not edgy to support establishment, wraps around and becomes very edgy. Besides, how many people have the boys who fall out kill? Papa Stalin? Millions. See?”

“Okay, but… what about you, Texanator?”

Marshall cringed a little. He’d really thought that the name he pulled out on the spot wasn’t that bad, but… “We’re, uh… well, you know, rustlin’ panties is like rustlin’ cattle. I’m a bad ol’ bandito and it’s in my blood.”

That was potentially the worst line he’d ever delivered trying to cover up stealing panties, and it looked like Kassidy had noticed. She was starting to away. Oh god, he had to save this. If not for the plan, then at least for his own pride.

“Well, I think I’m actually just going to go ahead without you guys, but good luck with your- Ah!” The angel nearly fainted when The Texanator wrapped an arm around her waist and touched her lips with a finger.

“Meanin’ I tend to take what I want, sweetcheeks.”

“H-HOW CAN I HELP?!?!”

…Oh, christ. Now he’d done it.

Church leaned back into his new throne. Not as comfortable as his armchair in his dorm, but it was more like the regality he deserved. “…Now then.”

A small crowd of dark angels stood in a cluster before his throne, looking expectant. “Y-yes my Lord?”

“You.” Church lazily motioned to the dark angel who had spoken. “What time is it, girl?”

“Um…” Checking her phone quickly, she snapped back to attention. “11:02, my Lord.”

“Well, you’re already late for elevenses, then. Don’t speak to me until you’ve got something.”

“Um, what exactly is-”

“Ah, ah, ah. Not a word.”

After a few minutes of frantic googling and cooking, the dark angel brought out a plate of pizza pops and handed it to Church.

“What in God’s name is this slop you’re handing me?”

“F-uh… food?”

Church dumped the proffered food onto the floor and handed the plate back to the dark angel. “I wasn’t aware a servant could be so incompetent as to offer her master hot pockets for elevenses. You clearly need direct orders, so I’ll make this simple. Cucumber sandwiches. Someone new is going to go fetch them.”

“I-I’m sorry, my Lord. Amanda, if you would… I-I apologise again, my Lord, would you like to… p-punish me?”

He squinted at the dark angel, who had fallen to her knees, and after a moment’s deliberation, he held out his foot. “No, I won’t be punishing you. You are going to kick yourself.”

“Um… what do you mean?”

“Hit yourself with my foot. I’ll tell you when you can stop.”

A switch somewhere deep inside the dark angel was flipped. She had been hoping for something… sexier before, but somehow… this was actually pretty good. She wiped a string of drool from her lip and-

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a9971d No.372892

Church choked a little and spit out the sip of tea he had taken, a few drops landing on a dark angel he was using as a footstool, making the girl shiver, somewhat delighted.

“What the good fucking name of her poor deceased majesty Queen Victoria’s East India Company is in this bloody cup?!”

“Um… tea? That’s what you said you wanted…” Said Amanda, the dark angel who had taken charge after Church’s footstool had become… indisposed.

“Do you think I’m stupid, you black-winged twit? What precisely is this liquid you’re passing off as God’s elixir?”

“Well, uh… We had a couple of Christmas morning herbal bags from last year, but it looked kinda dark so we put some coffee whitener in i-”

Church took a deep breath in and held up a finger. “Shhhh. My dear girl, I think we’ve had a bit of a mixup. Don’t worry, alright?”

Amanda trembled a little. W-was he mad? She couldn’t tell. She’d never seen anyone this calm-looking, and especially not anyone related to the Great Churchy-one.

Church put a hand on the worried dark angel’s shoulder and gave her a warm smile before dumping the contents of the teacup onto her head. “You see, I think the misunderstanding was that I was under the impression that I wasn’t in the company of a lot of DROOLING, SNIVELLING LITTLE RETARDS WHO COULD BE THIS FUCKING STUPID! HOW ON THE GREEN FUCKING EARTH OF WHATEVER DEITY OR POWER YOU FUCKING PLEASE COULD A GROUP OF EVEN SUB-SENTIENT BEINGS BE SO BLOODY INCOMPETENT?!”

Amanda’s shaking began to spread to her entire body and she began to pant, her face flush. “I-I’m sorry, my Lord! P-please tell me more about how I’ve failed you!”

“YOU’D BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE I’M NOT DONE! HOW THE HELL DOES A DRIVELLING, USELESS PACK OF TREMBLING MOUTHBREATHERS GET THE IDEA THAT THIS IS EVEN REMOTELY ACCEPTABLE?! THIS VILE LIQUID IS AN INSULT TO THE VERY FUCKING PHYSICAL STATE OF FLUIDS! I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS, BUT YOU’VE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO PROVE YOURSELVES AT LEAST TENFOLD MORE INCOMPETENT THAN MY OWN FUCKING MAID, AND SHE ACTIVELY TRIES TO RAPE AND POISON ME REGULARLY! EVEN SHE WOULD NEVER BE SO FUCKING REMISS AS TO GIVE ME THE ABSOLUTE SLOP I’VE BEEN SUBJECTED TO HERE, EVEN AS A JOKE!”

“A-and I haven’t even sucked your dick yet! I’m so, so sorry, my Lord! Please punish this miserable excuse of a servant as hard as you feel!” While he had been preoccupied shouting, the girl had stripped buck-naked and prostrated herself before the ranting man.

“Cover your disgusting body you absolute cretin! I’m not giving you the pleasure of even hitting you with my cane. You!” Church yelled, pointing to the angel he’d been using as a footstool. “Fetch me whoever is behind this… blasphemy on the very concept of food and drink!”

“Y-yes my Lord!”

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a9971d No.372893

Prudence shuffled her feet, unable to meet Church’s eyes. “U-um… hello, Master…”

“…And just what precisely are you doing here?”

“Um…”

“Because it seems to me that I’ve made a grave error in telling these poor girls you’ve tricked that you’re above the kind of wanton chicanery and blatant sabotage that you seem to have pulled.”

Amanda cleared her throat and spoke up. “A-actually, my Lord, it was… w-well, we’re all responsible! It wouldn’t be fair to punish just he-!”

“Shut up. Prudence, you’re going to instruct these girls on how to properly carry out their new duties and reflect on your abject failure as a maid.”

Prudence drooped visibly as soon as Church finished. “Y-yes, Master…”

“My Lord, I really must insist! We let ourselves be manipulated, so maybe before we begin the training, you should let off some stress and just give everyone a thorough punishment so we can learn with our bodie-

“Good Lord. Do you ever stop? I swear, the lot of you should have state-mandated chastity belts.”

The eyes of nearly every dark angel in the room shot up, and a quiet murmur ran through the crowd. “D-do you really mean that, my Lord?”

“Well… Yes, actually! You harlots could use some bloody discipline!”

“OF COURSE MY LORD! Sammy! Get a couple of the girls to bring in the crate! Everyone else, take off your panties and get-”

“WAIT, NO!” Church yelled, completely inaudible over the excited squeals and barked commands filling the room. He tried to turn to Prudence for help, but found her gone. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit-

“W-who is that!? Why is she with you! Have you turned, too?!”

“No, Prudence, is friend now. Angel who want to be edgy help us find out what is of happenings.”

Kassidy perked up after squinting at Prudence a few seconds. “O-oh! I think I recognise you! Aren’t you that girl who kept sinking into the clouds at my… old dorm?”

Prudence prickled a little. “W-what does it matter?”

“You really changed my mind on the whole angel thing! I mean, you don’t have to be pure, right? So then I came down here and everything’s been… well, not great, but better at least. And now you’re here and the guys have been teaching me so much! And Marshall even said he’d put it in my butt, and that’s the edgiest place to do it!”

“I didn- Look, Pru, it’s uh… Now, I don’t wanna alarm you, but… there’s like, this big plan they’ve got goin’ and… they’resacrificin’Churchorsomethin’inthisbigorgything?”

A screech more eldritch than anything Marshall had heard, even in the shoggoth dorm, escaped Prudence’s mouth. “WHAT? THEY’RE TAKING HIM?! THEY TURNED HIM AGAINST ME AND NOW THEY’RE THREATENING MY CHURCHIE!?”

“Well-”

“IT’S A DISASTER! What are we going to do? He wasn’t supposed to find out about my plan and he was just going to come home and we’d be together again! Marshall! DO SOMETHING!” Prudence yelled, shaking the Texan violently.

“H-hey! Hold on, I’m tryin’ to think. If ya pissed him off real good, he’s not gonna listen to any of us…”

Prudence collapsed into a heap, trembling. “It… it wasn’t… It’s not fair… I didn’t want to, but how was I supposed to…”

Cheslav patted Marshall’s shoulder and led him away a few steps. “Maaaaybe no more talking to Prudence for a while, yes?”

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a9971d No.372895

“Ah, shit. I didn’t mean to… Alright, how are we gonna figure this out, partner? He don’t listen at the best of times, so we’re gonna have to convince him some other way.”

Cheslav rubbed his chin for a moment before he nodded to himself. “What if… Church likes stealing underwear, yes?”

“Yeah? I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really do anything else but yell at Prudence and barely pass his classes.”

“So maybe we just show him how much is fun? Is probably already bored of black wing ladies now.”

“You’re bloody well right. The kikimora is bad enough, but I can at least handle her like the misbehaving strumpet she is. Probably won’t stop until we’ve had six fucking children at least, though.” Was that… Church? The two men spun around, relieved. Now they could just get the panties and-

What?

He wasn’t there. It was just Kassidy and… Prudence was sitting on the ground, looking down, but she was holding up a puppet that looked almost creepily like Church. It was clearly handmade, but it somehow looked… too real. It was certainly more handsome than the actual man in question, but-

“What in bloody blazes are you looking at, you daft twits? We’re in the middle of a plan and you’re looking at me like I’ve grown a third bloody arm.” Prudence said, in a terrifyingly good impression of Church, bobbing the puppet up and down a little.

Prudence’s head lifted back up and she smiled at the puppet.“Oh, Master! There you are! We were just about to make a plan to rescue you!”

The puppet slapped Prudence in her floppy ear. “Well, get on with it! It’s about time you three got to work. I’m not bedding you until you save me, you lascivious maid.”

“Okay, Master! Alright, Cheslav, if you’re right, how are we going to do this?”

Church sighed, looking slightly uncomfortable as his living footstool panted heavily.

Suddenly, the doors to Church’s throne room flew open and Kassidy ran in and fell to the ground, trying to cool herself with a gaudy-looking hand fan. “Oh, no, sisters! I do declare that my underwear has been humiliatingly stolen by ruffians!”

The dark angels looked slightly confused, whispering amongst themselves.

Strutting through the door and waving a pair of panties over his head like a flag, Cheslav squatted over the fainting angel.”This is right! Strong, powerful men are better than tiny, weak rape animals with people faces!”

Marshall followed behind Cheslav a few seconds later, pushing a wheelbarrow full of women’s underwear. “Ah, sure was a good raid. Looks like them cheeky femoids couldn’t win against the cock. I even took extra so they can all learn their place.”

The black-clad gopnik nodded sagely. “This is right, comrade. Nobody can beat the cock.”

“Not the cock. Ain’t nothin’ like showin’ a femoid her place. They can’t keep gettin’ away with their bullshit. Can’t beat the cock, man.”

The crowd of dark angels stirred again, with a few mumblings about wanting to be beaten by the cock circulating before Church stood up, nearly slipping in a pile of chastity belt keys that had been arrayed at his feet. “What the hell are the two of you doing? T-that’s not convincing, you know…”

“What? What convincin’ partner? We were just goin’ on with the mission and teachin’ this little WHORESLUT a lesson about humility.”

Kassidy squirmed on the ground in barely contained arousal.

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a9971d No.372896

Church began sweating, trying to hold his persona together. “W-well… good. They deserve it.”

“Whelp, guess we wrapped this one up by ourselves, didn’t we Cheslav?”

“Da, also super extra fun without Church. Come, let us hang on wall of triumph and be drinking of all the gins.”

“Welp, guess we’re gonna have to mindbreak this one into bein’ our third man now. See ya, Church.” Marshall said, picking up the dark angel, who quivered in delight when he touched her.

“NO! NONONONONO!” Prudence dashed into the room, wearing black strapon with a lacy cockring that matched her uniform. “THAT WAS NOT THE FUCKING DEAL, MARSHALL!”

The Texan waved his hands defensively “Prudence, I didn’t actually-”

Church made a sound of disapproval. “Prudence. My absolute favourite maid.”

“OH! Um.. h-hello, Master…”

“What in god’s name are you wearing?”

Prudence poked the strapon she was wearing, making the shaft jiggle unnervingly. “U-um… Can’t beat the cock?”

“WELP. Guess we’ll be headin’ out now Church. Enjoy your, uh… chastity belt thing goin’ on.”

Church thought hard about what he’d done. Was he too hard on Prudence? She’d been with him so long and enjoyed the abuse so much he felt like he was never sure when was too far.

He felt a little left out, too. It was obviously exactly what they wanted, but-

“Excuse me, Lord Church? Are you ready for the ceremony?”

“What in blazes are you talking about, woman?”

“Oh, it’s time for the sacrifice, so we’re going to have to move to the ritual chambers…”

He squinted and straightened his stance, ready to try and fight his way out. “So, you’re cutting my heart out and offering it to Satan, I suppose?”

“What? Of course not my Lord! We’re just going to extract your semen with our bodies and offer it to-”

Church began to scream hoarsely, waving his cane around wildly as he dashed for the door as fast as his legs would allow. “SOMEBODY! FUCK! HELP! PRUDENCE! ANYONE! THEY’RE DOING WORSE THAN KILLING M-”

As the rest of Team Good Ol’ Boys and intern Kassidy walked back to the clubhouse, they argued about what to do next, but were interrupted by a Churchy voice.

“PRUDENCE!” The Church puppet slapped the kikimora’s shoulder.

“O-oh! What is it, Master? Do you know how we should-”

“Shut up about that before I pound you raw for your insolence, you feathery temptress. Those black-feathered whores are fucking trying to kidnap me!”

“W-well, I don’t want to be rude, Master, but we did already know th-”

“THEY’RE TRYING TO FUCKING RAPE ME FOR SATAN OR SOMETHING!”

Prudence began vibrating like a very angry dildo trying to escape the sex shop and murder the owner. “WHAT?!”

Marshall rubbed the back of his head and looked to Cheslav. “Are you… I mean, do you think she’s… okay up there? She gets pretty antsy without him, but I’ve never seen her this bad.”

Cheslav scoffed. “Is like real Church, but doesn’t try to pretend to hate Prudence. Come on, let us talk.”

Marshall cleared his throat, feeling a little silly for talking to a puppet. “Uh… C-Church?”

The puppet whipped around, away from Prudence. “Ah! Thank fucking god, Marshall. She’s bloody useless in this state. I… may have made a mistake turning away from the path of righteousness and fucking my maid, but you’re going to have to get me out of this one, old chum.”

Prudence hadn’t moved at all. Her eyes and mouth hadn’t even twitched. Marshall was starting to get a little bit scared, but Cheslav cut in. “Is still at edgy angel house, Church?”

The puppet-Church shook its head. “Not sure, Chap. They said something about ‘ritual chambers’ before they took me out. That’s about as much as I can tell you. Why don’t you try asking the one you took with you?”

Marshall managed to shake himself out of it long enough to step up to Kassidy menacingly. “You know, I recall you sayin’ somethin’ about all that.”

“I… y-you didn’t know? I thought you guys were going to participate…”

“Well it looks like we are n-” Marshall said.

“Where is place, edge apprentice? Need to get there before too late.” Cheslav cut in.

Kassidy wiggled a little bit. “I-I’ll tell you, but… Um… w-we can’t have them getting suspicious, right? You’ll have to pretend to humiliate me again, haha…”

“Good lord, Prudence. She’s almost as bad as you. Almost.” The Church-puppet said.

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a9971d No.372897

Church woke up to a dark room, the musty scent of shag carpet and aroused women hung in the stagnant air so much he could almost tast- OH GOD.

Spitting out the panties that had been shoved into his mouth, Church tried in vain to sit up so he could yell at the overexcited whore who had done this, but found himself securely strapped to a dirty loveseat.

“WELCOME, GREAT ONE!” the dark angel that Church had been using as a footstool for some time stepped forward, throwing an unlocked chastity belt to the side. “Welcome to our ritual room!”

Church looked around. Shag carpet. Wood panelling. Even the couch he was tied to was stained and precisely the kind of brown that furniture had no place being.

“You know, this is the most disgusting sacrifice chambers I’ve ever had the misfortune of entering.” Church complained. “It smells like you haven’t cleaned up your bloody bodily fluids since nineteen-fucking-seventy!”

“Oh, u-uuhh… If you want we can move you to the good couch, my lord!” A dark priest offered.

“This isn’t even your good couch? Who the hell do you think I am?!”

The dark priest cowered behind a black-winged valkyrie. “W-why the descendent of the great Church-y one of course! I don’t… I don’t know what they were thinking.”

The other participants gave her the stink eye, but they decided to at least move their sacrifice to the good couch. Besides, the good couch didn’t smell like mildew.

“Ahem. Well, my Lord, are you ready for the prophesied time? We waited 50 years, just like your last incarnation said!”

Church squinted at them, confused.

“Oh uh…Are you maybe unfamiliar with…The Great Churchy one?”

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

“Well… yes, but… W-we were so amazed at your grandfather’s sheer corruption and will that we pledged our undying loyalty to him! We offered to bear his offspring, but after our 69th time asking, his exact words were ‘I swear to fucking god, if you cockthirsty wenches ask me one more time within the next fifty years, I’ll burn your fucking church to the ground.’”

Church cringed, noticing just how excited they were all getting. “Not to burst your bubble, but if I know my grandfather, he meant for that to mean ‘never ask me ever again.’

“But he said it on the 69th time, and 69 is the sex number!” A dark priest piped up from the back, both the dark angles and valkyries murmured in vague agreement. “You’re his youngest living descendent, and the door chose you, so you must be close enough at least!”

Lighting the ‘ceremonial’ candles arranged around the good couch, the head dark angel climbed onto Church before realising she should probably take his pants off first.

As she struggled with his belt, a sudden gust of wind blew out the candles in the room and slammed the doors shut, leaving Church and his would-be assailants in darkness.

It must have been Chap. Took him bloody well long enough. Church had really been starting to get worried for a mom-

An eerie blue glow filled the ritual chamber, a ghostly figure coalescing from the smoke of the candles.

”WHO DARES INVOKE MY WRATH?”

The head of the dorm, wearing what was almost certainly the first result for ‘slutty nun’ on MonBay, knelt before the glowing spirit.

“Oh great Lord! We have summoned you on this most auspicious of days! Your successor has been drawn here by the hand of fate, and we humbly beg your permission to bear your descenda-”

“Good fucking lord, are you still on about this ridiculous sex horseshit? I’m quite sure I told you in no uncertain terms to fuck straight off.”

“My Lord! It is the fiftieth year after your sixty-ninth decree! That means-”

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a9971d No.372898

“Why don’t we start with the fact that I told you this little snippet you’ve taken to heart at precisely eight post-cunting-meridian, and you’ve deigned to summon me how many hours early, hmm? Oh look!” A clock flew off the wall into the hands of the spectral man, who gestured angrily at it as he leaned over the smaller woman. “Nine bloody hours! I know you whorish mockeries of real women have always had a hard time counting, but I’m interested as to how your little organisation survived half a century -at a school- without working out how to count past the fingers on a SINGLE CUNTING HAND.”

“B-but-”

“But what are a few trifles amongst old friends, eh? Why don’t we have a little chat about the fact that you seem to have taken ‘don’t ask me again’ as full invitation to attempt to molest my grandson! Speaking of, come here, my boy.”

The restraints holding Church to the couch dissolved into ash, much to the younger man’s surprise.

“Yes, you’ve grown to be the spitting image of me in my youth. Not like your milquetoast father.”

“Well, not everyone can be a useless degenerate, eh, grandfather?” Church and his ghostly ancestor burst out in identical condescending laughter.

“Quite right. I must say, I’m impressed with how you’ve turned out in spite of… my most catastrophic failure.”

“Well, what’s in the past, eh? Don’t worry, I never wanted a thing to do with these overgrown crows dressed up as humans.”

“Well, obviously. I’d be surprised if they had a man who tolerated their presence longer than you or I have, but I’m talking about something a bit… closer to home. You be careful around that bloody kikimora, do you hear?”

“Good Lord grandpa! The help?

The ghost stared off into the distance momentarily. “You know, I once had a nemesis who talked like that. He was so degenerate that the only thing he didn’t want to fuck was the help, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he led his maids on for so long, they raped him in his sleep. Ironic.”

Church was disgusted. “Bloody hell! Don’t tell me he even fucked these disgusting… things!”

Church’s grandfather nodded his head gravely. Everything. We struck each other down in the end, so at the very least I ended his reign of disgusting fraternisation. Mind yourself with the maid, boy. Nothing good comes of these bloody magical women and their overactive ovaries.”

“I won’t forget , grandfather. I need to keep our bloodline pure. There’s no way to improve on perfection, after all.”

“Excellent. Now, if the rest of you feathered whores could close those bloody floodgates you’re trying to pass off as vaginas long enough to excuse yourselves, do so now. Farewell, grandson. Do not forget.”

A swirling vortex of smoke enveloped the ghost of Church’s ancestor once again, and when it dissipated, he was gone. Before Church could even dust himself off, a large, green milsurp truck burst through the wall and Marshall, Prudence, Cheslav and Kassidy jumped out of the vehicle, brandishing brightly-coloured water guns. Squinting slightly, Church could see that they were the same guns that had been used in the hinezumi raid, with the exception that crosses had been drawn on them, along with the title ‘HoLi Watr Gun.’

“MASTER WE’RE HERE TO SAV-! Oh.” Prudence lowered her gun when she noticed that most of the dark angels were huddled in a corner, some of whom were crying.’

“Ah, there you are. Business is all taken care of here, so drop off that little extra with the rest of them and let’s head home.”

“Master, you didn’t… w-well… f-f…”

“Fuck them? Lord no. Just showed them their proper place with a bit of help. But Prudence, tell me one thing.”

“Yes Master?”

“Why in god’s name are you carrying a puppet that looks like me?”

“UHHHHHHHHHHH…”

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a9971d No.372899

Church leaned back, having finished telling his part of the story, giving a sidelong glance to his daughter.

Before Church could say anything smug, Marshall snorted. “Yeah, sure partner. Ghost of your grandpa and he wasn’t a monstergirl? Tell me another one. Did actual Satan pop out of the ground and call them all niggers before he patted you on the back and gave you a big sack of Jew gold too?”

Church waved his fifth glass of gin and tonic at the Texan before finishing it and setting it down. “Y’know Marshall, I seem to be recalling some kinda… recall you being the only pershon on taaht little eckskursion to… utter that particular ephe- epip… epithet. ‘Side from grandpa of course, but he’s… from a different generation, so it hardly counts.”

Before the argument could continue any further, Prudence cut in. “I believe you Master! A-and it looks like Daisy does too!”

A teenaged kikimora stood in the door to Church’s study, smiling vacantly and looking vaguely like she was looking in two directions at once. “If mommy and daddy say it’s true, then grampy must have come back!”

Church cringed a little at being acknowledged as a father, but carried on regardless. “‘S right, sweetie. The spi… spirits of my ancestors are well-known t’be vengeful. Lily, put y’r sister t’bed, would you? S’… uh… it’s late.”

“O-oh! Yes Master! Um… right away.” Lily was torn. She had kind of wanted to stay longer. She knew that her father tended to… stretch the truth sometimes, but could it actually be true? The ghost of her noble ancestor? Would she get to meet him? It seemed far-fetched and… she really wasn’t sure what to think.

She gave up on arguing when she saw that Prudence had taken up her seat on her Master’s lap quite casually, and she seemed to be getting away with it.

“Come on, Daisy. Maybe you can play with Mr. Cuddles for a while before bed if you hurry.”

Daisy perked up. “Yay! Really?”

Natasha snorted. “Is everyone in your family an idiot, Prudence? Ghosts aren’t real.”

Marshall scratched his head. “But… ain’t you a ghost?”

“First of all, I’m a wight. And secondly, people can’t come back after they die. I was born like this and so was every other undead girl. Even if there was a ghost, it certainly wasn’t a man. I think your idiot husband is trying to squirm his was out of saying that you helped him with some ridiculous story.”

Prudence gave Natasha a hard stare. The kikimora said nothing, but she had the eyes of a wild pibble about to disembowel an infant. Natasha shrunk back into her seat, but before Prudence could even get started, Church patted her on the leg and she visibly calmed down.

“Well, I shuppHose I would ha… would’ve still been locked in that ‘ritual chamber’ for god knows how long in that… god fffforsaken chapel, so… err…” Church twiddled his thumbs meekly. “T-thanks. I guess.”

Prudence blushed. She knew how much it hurt Church’s pride to appreciate anyone, so she treasured it whenever he overcame his ego.

“An’ by the way, when’re ya goin’t’… change outta that… riDICKulous barmaid outfit?” Church raised his final gin and tonic a little too quickly and spilled some, causing Prudence to squirm in place.

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a9971d No.372900

“Umm… When you finish that last gin, Master.”

Church shakily lifted the glass to his lips, then paused. “On second thought… maybe I’ve had enough.”

“No Master! Y-you wouldn’t let perfectly good gin go to waste, w-would you? That’s not the Master I know…”

“Weeeeell… Per’aps you’re right.” Church said through gritted teeth, slowly drinking the final glass while maintaining eye contact with her the whole time. As he got closer to the bottom of the glass, he could see Prudence’s ears raising higher, while her tail wagged increasingly fast.

Once the glass was empty, Prudence could barely contain her excitement.

Church scoffed. “I duh… dunno what the bloody hell you’re getting excited for, y’ sex-crazed… barmaid cosplayer. You and I both know perfec’ly well that yer little trick with th’ viagra in the last cup won’t work any more. I’m immy- imman… immune.”

Prudence turned around on Church’s lap to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Oh, Master. Your wife would never forget something so important about you!”

“Wassis entire bloody setup just so you could point out that you’re my wife? ‘M not sure it’sa secret, considerin’… everyone in the room was at th’wedding, t’say nothing of the small army of children you have traipsing around the manor grounds.”

“Oh no, Master. I was just getting excited because you were so confident you didn’t notice the drug I put in your very first drink! Apparently it’s made with manticore venom, so you wouldn’t be able to resist the effects. It’s a slow-release and I was starting to get worried it wasn’t working, so I sat on your lap to see the effect, and it seems like it’s starting to work perfectly.” The kikimora said, none-too-subtly grinding her hips against Church.

Church sighed. “Chap, Marshall? It’s been… luh… lovely having you over as respite from this bloody woman, but it seems like I’m gonna… goin’ t’ have to take m’leave of you now, so if you could, I have some dissip… discipline to administer.”

Marshall, Cheslav and their wives hadn’t even closed the door before they heard the sound of a kikimora being thrown against a desk, knocking off a variety of writing tools and books.

“IZZIS WHAT Y’FUCKING WANTED YOU HORNY DOG? WANTED TO BE FUCKING RUTTED LIKE A DISOBEDIENT BITCH?”

“Y-yes! Yesyesyesyesyes!”

“I HOPE YOU’RE FUCKING HAPPY, THEN! NEITHER OF US IS GOING TO BE GETTING A WINK OF FUCKING SLEEP, AND I PLAN TO TAKE OUT MY FRUSTRATION ON MY BELOVED FUCKING MAID WHO WANTED TO BE FUCKED LIKE A WHITECHAPEL WHORE.”

“M-maybe you should choke me too, Master! I-it might make you feel better!”

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a9971d No.372901

End of Chapter

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477fa1 No.372902

File: 8b964633bf50cb9⋯.png (182.52 KB,406x355,406:355,8b964633bf50cb9e424418173a….png)

>>372901

Good fucking shit

Can't wait to hear stories from cheslav and marshal

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7efcd4 No.372916

File: 1547e1eeeda8507⋯.jpeg (110.77 KB,879x488,879:488,F134EFC9-284D-487E-AA89-9….jpeg)

>>372901

Marvelous

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a43d9a No.380307

File: 4b36a58018a32e4⋯.jpg (67.24 KB,454x432,227:216,tearofjoy.jpg)

>>362826

>bonus two

>should we move this to another thread?

>bonus THREE

THERE'S EVEN MORE?

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7efcd4 No.400014

File: 28c9a8ae7eb10b3⋯.jpeg (40.58 KB,360x270,4:3,D3062F59-4F08-43A5-B152-3….jpeg)

Please come back.

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