>>16098
Maybe these characteristics are very exaggerated in Schizoids or something, I don't know…
Kinda off topic, but I've been thinking, Im probably far from being a schizoid, while I thought I was close to, so what you're saying makes some sense, because apparently Schizoids are devoid of wanting to have relationships and social interaction in general, when in my case I want and I try to get to it, but always fail, for an example, among other things, they do seem like something any "normal" person could feel. Recently I read about BPD and it is pretty relatable too, but I guess you could also say it's not a mental illness huh
And I know self diagnosing is fucking stupid, but just the idea of going to the psychiatrist/psychologist fills me with overwhelming anxiety, especially because I already went to the psychiatrist once and it didn't go very well, I opened myself up, and it felt like the world fell apart on me, I started crying in front of him and all, in the end he prescribed me sertraline and risperidone, which I didn't take, well I took risperidone once, a certain night and almost had some kind of suicidal panic attack because thoughts were going repeating that risperidone would damage my brain and I would stay like that forever, when I finally fell asleep after battling with my own stupid mind, after I woke up I threw the the pills in the trash in the path home I was telling myself I would commit suicide that day, planning it and all, but well, as always, i didn't go through it, I just had a panic attack later in my room and cried a bit more to sleep. This happened last year, in October, or September, I'm not sure… Before then i already had appointments for therapy but never actually got to them, always avoiding it. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm very sleepy and English isn't my first language