I am in need of your advice, anons.
This condition has become a burden to my existence. I am in control of my actions(philosophically, to an acceptable degree), but not very much for my thoughts. This is causing me a lot of trouble in my life, I can't be social, because i'm kinda afraid of people(unless i'm at work, where the environment and the interactions are predictable), I get anxiety attacks when I do any form of a speech or a presentation, because of all the unstoppable thoughts of failure and doubt, I sometimes look at people sexually even though I don't want to, and really try not to, I just can't control it, it's very embarrassing.
The main problem with OCD is that the more you try to shut these thoughts off, the more intensively you'll have them, it's so easy for someone to simply say "relax", but I can't, it's sort of a paradox at this point.
Society is only familiar with the acceptable side of OCD, like wanting everything to be ordered or aligned, seeking perfection all the time. This is why when you mention having OCD, it doesn't resonate with them as a serious mental problem.
When I was young it wasn't obsessive to that degree, it started to affect me slightly starting from high school, but I didn't know what's going on, until late in college, when I got really fed up with it, I started reading about it, but knowing what's going on didn't help much, i'm 26 yo now and leaving my apartment is an everyday challenge for me, and not leaving the apartment only worsen my condition.
I always ask myself "why me ?", but i've come to realize that it's pointless to ask, somebody's gotta fill in the crazy guy role.