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/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

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You are the healing.

File: 1e64974611159ef⋯.png (535.81 KB,592x704,37:44,Generic_HNC_3D-592.png)

 No.14860

When I was little, it was pretty clear I wasn't normal. I wasn't gullible like other children. I took everything seriously. I would throw fits about random things. Instead of taking me to a doctor, my parents decided to beat me until I would stay quiet. I would lay there in the floor, crying silently. My dad would tell me to "man up" and call me a wuss when I cried when I hurt. Some times, my mom would laugh as she hit me. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety. My parents, being like they are, used this as a way to threaten me to keep me quiet. They told me, every time I got angry at all (no matter how severe) that they would put me in a mental hospital and have the state take me away for my families safety. Now that I am older, I no longer feel emotions. The only emotion I feel is anger. I don't cry, I don't laugh, I don't smile. I can't look people in the eyes. I don't like talking. I only get angry. When people compliment me, I get angry. Sometimes, I get flashbacks to when my parents would beat me, and I get so angry that I punch things and smash things until my hands bleed or I hurt too much to keep going. I don't know what to do. I am still in high school. I don't want to go to the school because I am scared I would be turned over to the state. I can't go to my parents because they would turn me over to the state. My dad would not care. I am lost. I don't know what to do.

____________________________
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 No.14861

>>14860

Since you are writing here, you logically know right from wrong and you know yourself.

Find a way to make it through school and then find a way to move far away from your parents and become independent.

Make that your focus, like a long background project.

Once you are away from them, you will begin to heal and become your own person.

Don't let negative people affect you negatively. Have constructive reactions instead.

One reaction is to work hard and find a way out of it, obtaining good results no matter what, finding a job/training and moving away.

The feelings and such will come back with enough time in positive atmospheres and experiences.

Stay clear headed, don't repeat your parent's behaviour, and find positive role models and people to look up to and aspire to be like, even if they are famous people you don't know, or fictional characters. It is to learn from their life, their message and follow their example.

You will have to raise yourself to some extent,the your own father and teach yourself about life.

Check out the website "the art of manliness", some of the articles are really good if you apply them to your own life, though there is a of filler too, have a look and read an article or two every day.

Also, start exercising, build your strength, it will raise your confidence and you will feel more in charge of your own body.

Good quality pushups, read how to do them, check a few youtube videos.

Good luck.

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 No.14862

>>14860

Also, one way forward is the army when you are old enough.

Study hard in school to have good grades and a good score on the entrance test.

Join for a couple of years and work your anger out through exercise and learning. Take all the study courses that are offered, so you gain more qualifications.

Vehicle licenses, mechanics courses, first aid, anything you can.

Then when you leave you will have a good foundation.

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 No.14864

>>14861

Okay, well I already do really well in school. I do all Honors, and I can afford to go to a college (I am not really in a bad financial situation). I already work out. In fact, I am actually quite a built guy myself. My parents don't hit me anymore, because I am much bigger than the both of them. But it is the memories, the PTSD, that has me fucked up. I just can't seem to get around that. I find myself to be a really disciplined person until I remember one of those moments. I just break down. People in school don't help. They see that I am big, but they also see that I am emotionally weak. They are scared of me in a "he might be a school shooter" sense rather than a "he is big and bad" sort of thinking. I also forgot to mention that I was almost raped when I was only 5. I also have these moments when I remember that and I hit things like I said before. I am just lost. I don't know what to do.

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 No.14865

>>14864

You should practice some conscious breathing exercises and meditation to help balance your emotions. I don't think going into the military straight out of school in your case is the best idea, you may wanna get a decent paying manual labor labor job first just to help you work things out physically and let your mind heal and plan ahead. If you do decide to join the military then avoid the marines because the conditioning can cause one to develop sociopathy, I also suggest you be sure and reject the vaccinations as the adjuvents can cause many different long term and debilitating problems. (because a healthy veteran population is considered dangerous to many of the powers that be.) I tried going the college route but that turned out to be as much of a scam as the public schools I was forced through. Maybe there will be reforms later but for now its a scam for anything that isn't STEM, and even then it is not nearly as efficient as it should be. A technical school is also an option. If you are decent with computers then you can just get some certifications and start building up a resume. Employers have come to prefer certifications and experience over computer science degrees because the CS grads usually have to be sent through retraining anyways.

The kids at my old school used to think I would go postal as well, I played off of it and they left me alone after I went psycho a couple times. Don't be afraid to show your teeth (metaphorically) when the dupe teachers aren't looking. Do not suffer any foolish lemmings but do not batter them to the point where they can call the staff on you. In the state of nature the betas would know their place, but now you have to be more subtle and remind them. Be the bad boy, but not the bully. Chicks like bad boys. If you can attract one she might help you stabilize yourself. That is presuming she isn't batshit crazy like many of them are nowadays.

Wouldn't hurt to see a therapist that isn't a dupe. Avoid the psychiatrists The meds they prescribe seem to arrest ones development by reducing the connection between the conscious mind and the unconscious by dampening emotional responses artificially. You don't want to be dependent on them. Temper your rage and your other emotions will be able to grow.

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 No.14869

>>14864

Watch/read/listen to some of Henry Rollins stuff. He had a difficult childhood and found ways to work through it and sort of raised himself.

I think you would benefit from some role models so you can learn pieces from them and not feel alone in your progress.

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 No.14871

>>14865

Yeah I don't like taking meds. I took prozac for a few months and instead of helping me feel better it just kept me from feeling, if you get what I am saying. I will probably go to school for Computer Engineering after I graduate high school.

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 No.14873

>>14871

How high was your dose?

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 No.14874

>>14873

I don't remember the dosage I took. I just know that it was the average amount for a person my age.

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 No.14885

>>14860

>finish school without fucking it up

>get a job

>move out

>heal

Yeah I know school has got to be tough. It surely was for me but it was over eventually and it will be over for you too. Sorry to hear about that kiddo but take it easy and you'll be alright. Your parents are pieces of shit btw

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 No.14897

>>14885

I graduated when I was 21 because of my ADHD. I actually realized I had it roughly 7 months ago.

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