I have been browsing your board every once in a while and I have noticed that you have become infatuated with my hair (which is stylin') so I have decided to help you out by joining your team, Mr. Fraser.
Let me tell you that I am here to unfuck your shit for good. It is not the hair that fucks you up, it is your state of mind. If you put your mind to it, anything is possible. My main line of work is dentistry (of which I am Best In Class), but that hasn't stopped me from dabbing in professional hair service (Pic is of a friend, he loved it).
My barber always got my hair wrong. He said what I was asking for was physically impossible, but I told him that nothing is impossible. He still didn't get it right, so I called him a faggot to his face and decided that I am the only person qualified to take care of my looks. I have a beautiful family, tons of money, a profession I love and a secret hobby involving hairdos. I can tell you with a straight face that all of my success has been possible because people respect my hair and because I have amazing skills, and I am willing to teach you this art. It is my secret to success, and I personally oversee that my 2 daughters get the same hair treatment as I do.
I know that I haven't touched your lovely locks before, and that is probably why your career is such a failure, your wife turned out an evil vampire and your "alimony" money is being used to buy cocaine and black male strippers. You need the Gino Touch to lift the curse.
Put me on your team, and I will ensure you will have bright smiles, great hair and huge success. You need to look your best on your new show, too.