>>28582
Well, maybe sth happened in your life, but you do not tell. It probably is normal to think about what is coming by then, afterwards. In a way there is an unknown, an unreal, the not-being anymore, that follows up. A strange thought, certainly. But thinking about what will come one day eventually, I guess, could keep you from living. And it shouldn't.
I do not say live life to the fullest. Do not exhaust yourself. Find your rythm, grow more, internally or mentally (physically we all do, it's no challenge tbh). Try to get to see things, the world is a big place, and we are tiny, like sandgrains. It can be beautiful or disgusting at times, but the world is there to explore. Learn langs, it does help, and who knows - you might find a place to stay and settle for a while? Good to be able to get along with folks there.
So get occupied, find other hobbies too, be curious and interested. Enjoy to learn and live, and do your act, but do not act out. What I mean is: don't be a selfish little kid, an asshole, a scumbag - life isn't only about you, others do not circle around you, as if you were their star. You have to give so you receive (yeah, reads like I#m preachin' here, but I'm in the mood rn).
Try to achieve some goals (but set realistic ones), if you could accomplish certain things you wish to in your lifetime it might give you a good, positive feeling that the life we got is worth being lived. You do not need to save the world, but the way you choose to live your life may influence ppl, in a positive or a negative way. You never know. I may like the thought very much that perhaps one day my kids tell me 'anon, I would like to be like you when I'm a grown up'. Let's see… Would give me the cosy fell that I didn't screw up too much in my life. Godspeed, anon.