i’ve been struggling with understanding who really is one deep down at core and who am I, how do i find that out, is there even something like that? is there a soul that possesses my body which makes me ‘me’, or is there no such thing and when i refer to myself as ‘me’ i refer to amalgamation of everything i’ve ever seen heard read — so everything with what i interact in the material world. i feel like i have some basic set of beliefs that remains unchanged, but at the same time i feel like i’m simply larping most of the time. just looking for more and more obscure shit and “communities” i can find and adopt it as a part of my persona. i guess this trait — which can be observed in many people, the whole human is a social creature thing — has been pushing me a lot towards the “there is nothing spiritual one is just copying stuff that he interacted with” conclusion, but if that was the case, why wouldn’t all people be the same? doesn’t it imply, that there is some inherent algorithm unique for every being? although if we all were living as some sort of a mass consciousness with same likes and dislikes, wouldn’t it also mean, that there is an inherent algorithm and the former version just happens completely randomly? fuck i don’t know and i think i digress too much.
has anyone here “found themselves”? if so, how? i thought about just getting off the grid for a good week or even more, cutting all distractions off and simply thinking and trying to question and analyse every belief i hold to get deeper, but it’s not easy. i’ve been cutting off some distractions, namely jewbook and instagram, working on limiting youtube as well, but i think i just started spending even more time on imageboards, reading books and working out, which also is some sort of a distraction, but a more noble one. but i still feel as lost — if not even more — as when i just started really questioning myself and me.
thanks for letting me vent /doomer/s