>>26835 (OP)
Wish I had something to drink, but I don't. I thought this thread needed a reply. What's going on man? What's up. How's it hanging, Watchu up to? Me, I'm sitting here like always do. Though tonight I felt guilt about constantly distracting myself from the things I "need" to be doing. I don't know what those things are, but I didn't want to sit and click through youtube until 2 am again while I play some shitty video game I've played a billion times already in the background. I'm sitting here, with this little desk fan blowing into my face - I like this desk fan. I like the sound and the constant feel, it's kinda soothing. It helps me to think a little bit, like a cure for my ADD, but only now. It doesn't help during the day. Tonight I'm thinking about what in the future I have to look forward to. I don't know what this is. You know I used to be blackpilled about the fact that the potential of humanity being pissed away and everyone becoming slaves forever and ever and my life never seeing a minute outside of the slavery. However about a year ago I heard about peak oil, and how everything is dependent on oil. There is no thing to replace oil, no renewable energy - nothing. Nothing like oil, because oil is the most efficient energy source for engines and it is the battery in and of itself. It's also cheap, but not for long. I have become really relieved listening to predictions of how this current system will not survive another 30 years, because we will run out of oil by then. Probably sooner. The thing is… now I've got to thinking. What will really change? Will I ever get to truly experience living a "good, REAL, authentic, pleasing and happy and fulfilling" life? I will be too old by then. I'm already jaded now. What is worth my energy and what isn't. Will I ever in my life stop being addicted to everything(like everyone is). I don't know anymore, and my boomer parents are dumbfounded that I don't know what I want to do with my life. Why haven't I picked a single "career"(the color of button I sit in a factory and press repeatedly until I die) yet. I wish I had a drink.
The part that upsets me is I can sit here all night and I will never have the answer. I will only know once I get there. If the collapse happens and we are all free from modern servitude, and I miraculously survive the great dying off that will coincide - what will await me. Will I be disappointed with the glories? What if the glories of honest life are not good enough and I was hopeful for nothing this whole time. What if I am nostalgic for THIS time, that I sit here and type alone in my room, and instead of enjoying it I sat here and typed alone in my room. Well my childhood never included running in the woods going on adventures with the neighbor kids. I have always been a minority my whole life, the only whitey. I have convinced myself that one day, all this shit will collapse, and I will be able to escape my shithole to a rural part of the country, and start a new society with the other survivors that will be pure and good, and last long into the future and maybe give humanity the example for how to live a good life. Maybe these people in the future will fix Earth, defend against evil, go to Mars, meet aliens, do something. I hope that happens. I hope I get to at least give it a try. I find it said that the people of this board are smart. Smart people are always sad. There are dumb people everywhere, imposing their stupidity unto the smart, making the smart shy away. What if there was a society that was the other way around, where the smart were normal, rationality ruled. We weren't slaves to passions, but not void of them either, and we knew how to live happily. Sounds impossible? Sounds like there wouldn't be enough worker bees to support it all? Maybe, but mistakenly or not since birth I have believed that anything is possible. I have never thought of suicide, and I could never imagine myself doing it. But if I ever lose my naivety I'm in trouble. Does this dream sound stupid? like cringe, cope or larp? or lope or carp? These are all words for dismissing things. They are the symbol of real closed mindedness, this is not what SJWs mean when they say closed mindedness, but the lack of any curiosity. Is it possible? Aren't you curious? If you aren't, then you would not be allowed in this society. Does it sound nice in my head but in reality would look like a gay hippie cult and be a burning man jerk off sesh where everyone died within a decade? maybe.
anyways man I hope I don't hit the character limit, I hope someone on this dead board actually reads all of this, because I won't
one more thing, the only thing I feel can accurately portray how I see the modern american are those stalkers from Half Life 2, "but the stalkers are emaciated and americans are fat" well aren't they both equally extreme bodily deformations?