Its 6:00 AM where i am rn and ill probably wake up at like 3 in the afternoon. Nothing brings me enjoyment anymore, feels like im just passing the time. Said i would never kill myself when i was younger but i have been thinking about it recently. Not going to kill myself anytime soon but just like reassuring myself that if things get too bad there's a way out. Would probably just drink a bunch and go out to one of the country roads where i wont hurt anyone and Ramp it down into the prairies. hopefully that finishes me off it's quite a fall. The only things I do are watch youtube and jack off mostly. I Haven't completely given up on the idea that things can get better, trick myself with the every hero has a tragic backstory idea.
If i do cut the cord ill livestream it and meme with you guys but don't get your hopes up. Also any advice you guys have on how to feel and act like a normal human being would be appreciated. i am going to college in the winter as well if that helps.