No.14388
Is anyone else just full of regret? It weighs on me constantly and I know you arent supposed to think about it or let it get to you but its hard to not be reminded of the past because of the future you exist in.
>the habits
>the friendships
>the decisions
>that group of friends you backed out of because you thought they hated you
>tfw you realize they were just worried about you and you rejected their help
I just fucking hate it guys. Do any of you know how to forget it all? Is hedonism and suicide the only ways out?
____________________________
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No.14402
>>14388
Only if I knew how to deal with past my friend. CRINGE ALERT
[spoiler]
>my first love of life keeps appearing in my dreams
>haven't seen each other in years, haven't talked together for years, most of the time I don't even think about her
>yet another dream this very night
>we were in some bar with few people, she was sitting with other group on table in opposite side of space
>i kept staring at her, it all felt so real
>dream progressed, she got up slightly upset, everyone else in the room left
>she came to me, pointed finger to her face
>she said: "you see these wrinkles? i have them because of you, I care"
>I held her around the waist with hand on her back, looked to her eyes, I can still see it now, it felt so real
>I told her "I changed, I'm different now"
>suddenly it all vanished and I woke up
>sitting here now, it's morning, sun is getting high, drinking coffee, listening to John Denver - Take Me Home, Country Roads
>one dream fucked me up for yet another day
>never asked for these feels
She keeps reappearing in my dreams frequently even though I have literally nothing with her for years and will never have anything with her again. I don't know why this happens to me, my one side wishes these dreams wouldn't happen, the other side of me is happy it could see her even if it's in dreams. Can't cope, just keeping on living with it. It's a curse my friend, I would cry but I can't, I have to just keep going through the day.[/spoiler]
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No.14403
>>14402
Fuck tags though, you rekt me pretty good. I feel bad for anyone who will read it.
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No.14410
>>14388
yeah, constant cringe flashbacks. hate it.
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No.14418
>>14402
>>my first love of life keeps appearing in my dreams
I had this phase. For years I regretted the idiot I was for neglecting her and I would often have good dreams about how we got back together. Then I realized I was definitely way too immature by that time and would only bring disappointment for both of us if we hadn't broken. I haven't even seen her for all these years and never got to search for her in the Internet, all I have is an old email she probably doesn't use anymore and a phone number that doesn't even work, I don't know if she lives in the same address with her parents as she used to, I don't know if her parents still live there. I can only hope her life is going better than mine. But the dreams… They were so good, and so depressing after waking up.
Then there are the dreams about the family I didn't have with her. Holy shit, these were the best, most immersive and long dreams I had. It was like a whole second life. I don't know if I used to wake up in good or bad mood because of them.
The dreams stopped in the last two years. Again, I don't know if they made me happy or depressed. They were good dreams, but I don't know if they were good for me. But they stopped as I shrugged my regrets off by thinking things would be the same or worse if we kept seeing each other. To make it work, I'd have to replace my old brain with my current one or find a time machine and, even so, I'm not sure I'd be competent enough for both of us.
>>14410
It happens all the time, and I get around it by thinking how cringeworthy is to have cringe flashbacks. I quickly dismiss it as just something silly. But it's worse when true regrets come to mind.
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No.14420
Stop caring, you'll be unhappy but you'll be free.
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No.14442
>>14388
No. I think you have want, or expect something out of life to feel genuine regret, and I simply have never wanted for anything more than whatever I happen to have. It's strange for me to say that, I certainly have more to regret than most people. I mean, I was a full-blown hikki for 9 years of my life, all that time is just a complete blackout in my memory because nothing happened in all that time; nothing worth remembering. It's like one night I fell asleep when I was 16, then I woke and I was 23. I don't know, it's all just 'stuff that happened' to me. I don't feel like I'd do anything significantly different if I could go back, and if I did, it would only be for the novelty.
That's my problem I think. I have never wanted a goddamn thing, and that's a real shame because I have nothing. Now I'm just a husk.
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No.14445
>>14388
I've basically stopped having more than a handful of interactions with any one person, ensuring that I never give a shit about anyone's opinion for just this reason.
20 year old autism still haunts me occasionally.
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No.14464
>the friendships
like in elementary? that one or 2 guys I was fiends with but all of them had other people they liked hanging out with more than with me?
the people my cousin was friends with and I just pretended I was part of them?
only people I would ever call true friends are anonymous posters on 8ch I have never seen my entire life
>that group of friends you backed out of because you thought they hated you
well, we had a kind of group of 4 but all of them grew up to become normalfags
>tfw you realize they were just worried about you and you rejected their help
I was never interesting enough to other people for them to chase me or wanting to be with me
and I was always too proud to chase other people
>forget
you cannot forget it and it will forever be integral part of you
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No.14465
>>14402
beautiful dream anon
I dreamt about my childhood crush last year and it also felt real
She was exactly how I had her in my memories.
I hope she is doing fine today
>>14418
>search for her in the Internet
I don't understand how people can do this
Just let me keep her in my memories exactly how she was. There is no point about stalking her today because the person she was does not exist anymore nor does the person I was exist anymore.
>>14442
>never wanted anything
interestingly this applies to me as well. I simply never had any ambitions. I just did whatever the authority figure told me to not get scolded/punished and then I just slacked away time at home. It is interesting because pretty much all the shit society tells you to do
>school
>trade school
>college
>jobs
it all felt to me like jail time
I just went there to sit and wait for the time to pass so I could go home and be free again. Then one day I just said fuck this shit and quit my job. If you see no point in anything and have nothing to accomplish, what even do in life?
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No.14473
>>14418
>For years I regretted the idiot I was for neglecting her and I would often have good dreams about how we got back together.
I feel you. I was so retarded, immature and full of pride back then, I just broke her heart. Yet we were classmates for years following and I said nothing, ever. Maybe that's why I have these dreams, because I have bit of honor left and I feel I owe her apology even if it's years later and I will most certainly never have chance to make it right, too much time passed. It's small cross I will have to carry through life, or one of many sins. Life goes on.
>Then there are the dreams about the family I didn't have with her.
Luckily I don't have this, however my stupid brain decided to bring that up, so I tried to silence it with work in garden. Regrets can be washed away, the feeling of "debt" is much harder thing to deal with it, at least for me.
>>14465
>She was exactly how I had her in my memories.
Yes, it's kind of creepy, those dreams can be like reality. Funny how subconscious mind work sometimes.
>Just let me keep her in my memories exactly how she was. There is no point about stalking her today because the person she was does not exist anymore nor does the person I was exist anymore.
That's the worst thing about it all. You know there is no other option than just letting it go because it has no sense, you are all both very different people. Searching for your love from ages back doesn't bring anything productive nor positive.
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No.14673
>>14402
somewhat similar
>in a mall that is almost completely empty
>walking for what seems like miles through empty rows of abandoned stores surrounded in piles of rotten furniture and debris
>see highschool oneitis who i fucked up bad with sitting in the one store still open
>a payless shoe store
>only one payless within 50 miles of where i actually live and ive never been
>she is trying on shoes and when i go up to her she says shes waiting for her date there
>her date was some white trash scumbag
>i suddenly saw the future, she had multiple bastard children with him and her once hope filled life is ruined as she becomes a single mother for these practically retarded scumbag sons
>im now paralyzed
>she walks away and i can do nothing as this unfolds
i woke up and was physically ill for days. it hurt me too much seeing someone i still secretly care about be turned to nothing.
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No.14682
>>14673
>i woke up and was physically ill for days
It seems you still have very strong feelings for her, or, I don't know, it seems to me as if these types of dreams are like some feels enhancers. Like I was fucked up after that dream for whole day until I went sleep and 2 days later I'm back on the track. Maybe I just lie to myself and you are honest to yourself. I know she had boyfriend years ago, actually pretty nice dude, I was jealous af but I didn't admitted it to myself. Isn't this most pathetic thing huh? As swedeposter said, it's better to let it go, it will only put you down and chances of doing something about it are very close to zero.
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No.14686
>>14388
I took the grey pill and acknowledge that it's not anyone's fault that i'm a failure. It's me, I am the problem and I can't change what I am.
>take the grey pill anon
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No.14762
Regrets imply you could have done better. The world you were born into is collapsing, and virtually everyone is disappointed.
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No.14793
>her date was some white trash scumbag
>i suddenly saw the future, she …
I think she can be happy if only her dude dies of heroin overdose and she and her children get hooked on welfare instead
Look anon, if she dates trashy men you probably dodged a bullet. I am sad for you but this is just how life is. Apparently Good women want obviously bad men. Let them have them and ruin themselves.
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No.14794
>>14686
I doubt that.
You are probably to blame for like 20% but the rest is your genetics, the parenting you got, the people you met in school and the environment you grew up. Those are all things outside of your control.
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No.14812
>>14388
>full of regret
I remember I had a crush on a girl for a few months, but I was too scared of being rejected to ask her out. Then I didn't see her for about 6 months. And when I did see her again she was a total fatty and every fantasy I ever had about her just made me feel pure disgust. She was so fucking hideous now that she gained maybe 30 pounds. THAT was regret that I don't regret. So always keep that in mind, anon. Who knows but that one of your so-called 'regrets' isn't a bullet dodged.
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No.14839
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No.17225
Sometimes i dream about thing i didn't have the chance to experience it but i just live with that. I accepted that my life is full of regrets.
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No.17288
>>14388
>ragrets
When I was younger I had a lot of pearls before swine moments or times when I either didn't seize an opportubity or think to do what somebody expected, a lot of which were my fault, some of those more stupid than can be reasonably expected of anyone including literal tards. I've passed up golden opportunities or had them shot down because I couldn't articulate why they were good to my parents. Burned a friendship over stupid shit, over money, another friend I gave too much leeway and got backstabbed. I'm down to one friend now outside of the hivemind on various boards.
>how to forget it all?
>are hedonism n suicide the only ways?
There's religion, maybe. Other than that the only way I've found to quiet those regrets is to get so sick of hearing them ogre and ogre in your head that your annoyance with their repetition overpowers your mournfullness and it becomes more like a kid kicking the back of your seat in a thratre than the lamentation of the damned. No clue if doing that's any kinda unhealthy for me or anybody else though, so don't blame me if you eff up your life trying it I guess lol
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No.17314
>>14388
>Is anyone else just full of regret?
Why you think I'm here?
>I know you arent supposed to think about it
You dont, but everybody does, they just pretend they dont care
>its hard to not be reminded of the past because of the future you exist in.
Indeed but the worst part is when you realize the shit future that awaits you considering your present situation
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No.17315
regret is not frustration about what could have happened but what had to happen
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No.17318
>>17315
WHAT KILLS YOU IS NOT THE LIFE YOU HAVE BUT THE LIFE YOU COULD'VE HAD
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No.17322
>>14402
>it's morning, sun is getting high
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No.17326
>>14388
Honestly, I used to just live in my regret, but eventually, it got to a point where I realized that, hey, i'm always going to manage to fuck things up, whether it be a job, relationship, or friendships, eventually, I will fuck it up. So if everything will always end poorly, why not just try to accept that, hey, i'm a natural born loser, and just ride with it?
Essentially i'm a loser, but I just accept it and life is a little easier without putting the burden of trying to be something i'm not on top of what I am. Yeah I could compare myself to my peers, but really I know what I am, and i'm okay with it.
Its one thing for me to tell you, 'lol, just drop all expectations :DD' but you just got to get to that point yourself. My life is pretty fucking worthless and meaningless but i'm still here because I know it is what it is, there's no karmic retribution, I aint going to be rewarded for being a suffering saint, I just am what I am and should just live with it.
Know your limits man, people will try to give you their fake bs that your life is what you make of it but really, you and I know your life is predetermined and that if you're born a loser, you're going to be a loser, so might as well accept that fact until the day comes that you get hit by a semi on the interstate.
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No.17327
>>17326
This is some real as fuck talk right here. Reading this post, anon, literally felt like reading my own mind. Agreed one hundred percent.
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No.17328
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>14402
#metoo I guess. Sometimes the dreams make me real sad and sometimes im filled with bliss and I dont want to get out of bed. Shit gets pretty Jungian.
>cant remember how it began
>I was sitting next to her
>didnt want to fuck things up this time I thought, didn't want to be timid, got to show her how I feel
>reached out to hug her
>she got mad for some reason
>stormed out
>were walking down the road, im following her
>I tell her she cant possibly walk home its too far
>She says shell do it anyway
But wait theres a sequel, I have another dream the next night:
>i'm sitting next to her, on a wooden bench in garden lit by incandescent porchlights
>we sit like that for a while
>"I just don't know how to be around you" she says in a dry whisper
>I dont say anything
>I just sofly grab her hand
>she reaches out her other hand to hold mine in both
>…
>suddenly we stand up
>we begin dancing
>I dont really dance often, at all
>still were dancing, theres no music playing, but it doesn't really matter.
>I look people in the eyes about as often as I dance, but I do anyway, I look into her gleaming shimmering eyes and all moments converge in sense of total harmony and wonder, and love, love final and unconditional
>even so, eventually we stop our dance
>she has somewhere to be I guess
>she hurries out, but first tells me to "take the ferry"
>Still dont know exactly what that means
I was quite calm for the next few days. Seemed like I had gotten over something with myself
I don't really know what you can do Anon, I try to take the monolithic love i've felt to motivate me, to accept the world around me, and to remember that there is yet beauty in the world.
I dont really have regrets, but thats just how I think, I guess I have a deformed sense of guilt. Its important to remember that you cant think of time as linear and if you once did something great, then you will always have done it forever, so It hardly matters that its over. Not a very useful thought if you haven't done much of any good, but hey why not start now. Just constantly remind yourself that you will die, (so it appears to be awfully redundant to kill yourself). Live in the future the way you want to while you still can, and if you are lucky you wont be making anymore regrets. I might say stop doing pointless shit like worrying over the past, but then id have to find something thats not pointless.
Makes me think like people are always taking pointless pictures and soforth and always going on about making good memories, but perhaps all we make are regrets. At least we can live out our regrets by taking a trip to the local cemetery of old digital photographs. I don't use social media.
Theres may or may not be hope of digging yourself out, but you can at least choose how to live on the way down, even it is pointless. Like the band on the fucking Titanic, just play your song.
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No.17346
>>17328
>I don't really know what you can do Anon, I try to take the monolithic love i've felt to motivate me, to accept the world around me, and to remember that there is yet beauty in the world.
I don't know if this really works for me anymore. I became too paranoid, so I don't trust anyone, especially not if we talk mostly online. I'm trying to hide myself behind stupid jokes just so I don't have to talk about what's going on in my head. The truth about ugliness of the world is that in better scenario it will make you look into the world for beauty, only to realize there aren't many, if any, beauty left, and if it is, I'm not capable anymore of accepting it naively, wholeheartedly. Behind everything must be some trick, some catch, some duality, it's just nature of our existence. It's maybe not that you can't find beauty in the world to make you going, I'm just too behind the line, too far away from what is "Godly".
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No.17455
>>17346
I remember a few years ago I saw a presentation by an author, a graphic novelist, so I was somewhat curious. She was of unremarkable libtard stock, skinny pastel lesbian with a blonde buzz cut, but in her mid 20s she earned a good living by her books. I suppose she had a tricky upbringing being gay and all, but she just went to art college, started writing, got picked up, I suppose for her (((progressive narrative))), and spends her life traveling around the world because you don't really need to live in a single spot to draw on a tablet, and I dont imagine she worked a single day of normal work. She certainly had it made.
A few weeks after I think, I met an old vet, airborne, who lived down the street from a friend of mine. His sturdy arms were laced with tatoos and scars, he lived in a shack filled with scattered dumb bells, climbing equipment, protein powder, weapons, and canned food. Despite his body slowing down, he was a free climber, a free diver, a base jumper, and a tight rope walker. He had a gnarly voice and didnt fuck around. He told us about back in the 70s, when the hells angels ruled the town, and how him and his lads would all drive downtown to beat the shit out of some queers.
What strikes me about these two people I met was that their lives and outlooks were so wildly divergent that it seems like a miracle that these people, do, yes, live on the very same planet. And whats further astounding, is that their two perspectives were perfectly legitimate given their situations. And I guess thats whats important here, perspectives. You let your own vision of things fuck you up. The authors life of privilege made her suffer. The vets life of suffering made him numb. You could say the vet certainly knew a lot more about the world, but he had also lost touch with much of it. Dont goof yourself by thinking things are exclusive. The things that are decent, are good just because there is a catch and everything else is desperate.
Like I mean i'm not too far ahead of you, say I try to do that but yeah its hard to convince myself. Today I lived as much in my dreams as I did awake. I think the world is a hell of a lot more complicated than we can easily understand.
If all else fails, ill just go to /monster/ and hope im not browsing /monster/ the next night.
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No.17531
>>17346
>I'm trying to hide myself behind stupid jokes just so I don't have to talk about what's going on in my head.
Thats a pretty normalfag thing to do, not saying as an insult but because normalfags do that a lot, many are even more fuckedup than we're but they still have the will (and the means) to keep it together so they make jokes and shit to pretend its nothing serious.
>>17455
>it seems like a miracle that these people, do, yes, live on the very same planet
You dont, you see this all throughout history, in ancient rome you had some dough-ass patrician living the good life like that dyke you mention and nextdoor in the arena a slave gladiator was fighting for his life, same shit different age.
>The authors life of privilege made her suffer.
What suffering? seriously, she's most likely a trustfund kid which is how she can afford to live like that off her mediocre niche books. Its always the same story with these types, they build this personal story about strife and bootstraping but when you learn a bit more you discover they are actually rich kids and daddy is still picking up the bills, you never met one who was truly poor or even lower-middle class. When you talk with one that comes from the third world he's obviously from an upper-class family, not a fucking rice farmer.
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No.17537
>>17531
>You dont, you see this all throughout history
The Chinese had it right when it comes to how cyclical it all is.
>the beginning of the dynasty → the peak of the dynasty → the decline of the dynasty → the end of the dynasty → the beginning of a new dynasty
The same can be said of history as a whole, of nations and even individuals. Like you pointed out yourself with the patrician and the slave; same shit, different age. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
>Its always the same story with these types, they build this personal story about strife and bootstraping but when you learn a bit more you discover they are actually rich kids and daddy is still picking up the bills, you never met one who was truly poor or even lower-middle class.
That's basically "Book/Authortube" in a nutshell. They even bask in this all the while regurgitating normalfag talking points about (insert some such minority group here). Literally everything these days is geared towards this kinda shit, when you really think about it.
The genetic lottery decides everything. If you're born into a rich family, assuming your folks don't blow it somehow, you're set for life. If you're not, then it's pretty much paddling up shit creek. Every ideology, orientation, etc pales in comparison in importance to who it is you're born to.
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No.17540
>>17455
>You let your own vision of things fuck you up.
I don't know how to live differently. I'm in this mindset for over decade, it's who I am. You are right about that perspective thing, totally I agree with that but at the same time it's not like I can change something deeply rooted in myself, the way I think, the way I see things, it's just how I am.
>>17531
No offense taken, you are right, I do it mainly because I don't want to drag people with me into my own world of insanity. The other aspect is joke as cope mechanism, classic example.
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No.18715
Well lads, i think i'm officially at the end of my rope.
>be me
>move out of state last year trying to get a really good job that i was totally qualified for - full benefits, 1k/month, free health and dental, scholarships
>fail mental evaluation
>go home, move in with mother
>just trying to survive for a few months and not upset the people who take care of me
>can't find a job, nor do i want to
>only good job in the area is the illegal drug trade, can't do that - nepotism is rampant, and if you aren't friends or family with the business owner, you're not getting hired
>depression, anxiety, and migraines prevent me from even going outside most of the time
>recently institutionalized for suicidal thoughts, stayed a full week at a loonybin
>come home, forced to buy medications
>don't even take medications because i don't want to be a antidepressant zombie
>somebody stole all my money at the bank
>literally dependant on mother to live
>be me today
>having a good time watching youtube
>genuinely happy
>a mosquito comes into the house, bites me, flies onto a nearby window
>slap the window with my palm first, the window shatters
>just sitting there, dumbfounded, right in front of mother and brother
>mother berates me for breaking the window, she (((rented))) the house, someone's gonna have to pay for it
>i have a few cents in my bank account
>she's gonna have to pay for it
>brother works himself into a fit, gets extremely angry, blames me for trying to get her evicted by the (((landlord)))
>the (((landlord))) comes by tomorrow
>she's late on a payment and needs an extra $50 dollars
>rationalize everything i did because "no point in crying over spilled milk"
I don't know whether i should feel ashamed, angry, or both. Either way, i think mao did nothing wrong when it comes to (((landlords))), but i'm genuinely suicidal. I don't deserve to eat, or have fun, or anything really. There's no reason to reward myself for anything i've done in my life. I'm at the end of my rope. The only way it could get any worse is if i went into gay prostitution. Even that's not an option, though.
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No.18717
>>18715
>landlords
they are not the only problem
It is about rent-seekers in general. Those are any forms of capitalists. Be it owners of stocks, owners of rental real estate or owners of govt debts and obligations. Their interest is always diametrally opposed to the rest of society. They always want to press out all money out of people. A few decades ago they did this to fund new investments but today they do it to stash their money in Panama and Singapore and it never comes back home.
>gay prostitution
well, if you want to die anyways, the drugs business seems the better way. And now you have the perfect moral excuse as well. I would try it in hopes of either getting shot or becoming the next (((Heisenberg))).
Good luck anon.
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No.18721
>>18717
I'm with you, but the resources (lab equipment, ingredients, a secret area to do business, etc) to make high quality shit is hard to come by, and i wouldn't be able to hide my line of work from my family anyways.
Still, i hate modern capitalism more than anyone, but i realize that everyone hates landlords, so i'm personally of the opinion that they should disappear first, and then the rest of the rentier class.
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No.18793
Today I watched as the one who used to be my best friend walk across the parking lot that separates our habitations to throw stuff out. He's moving out in the next couple days, and I don't know what I'll do then. I'm so used to keeping an eye out for him or his car–it cheered me up to see him stumble home after a long day studying, or a long night drinking. Sometimes when I'd walk my dog I'd gaze at his car and remember us jamming out to his favorite songs in there.
I don't know exactly what went wrong between us–he's involved in some capacity with someone who hates me, so I find it probable that he had to choose between us at some point. I feel really bad about it–there's really not a lot I'm willing to do to reconcile with this other party.
I lost a lot of people that used to be dear to me this year, but the only one I miss is this one guy. We used to go innawoods together, shoot together, share music. I know he's going through his own hell right now and that might have some bearing on why we don't talk anymore, but jesus christ it still sucks. I think a part of me died with that friendship, and now what's left is that much more secretive, distrustful, and fatalistic. Since I lost him I've dropped nearly all my other friends, which in retrospect was a great idea anyway.
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No.20309
>>14402
It's a parasite. "Nature" punishes you for not having fulfilled the standards of that girl, making her the dominant part, which is actually unnatural as the whole society we live in.
Next time you see her in dreams, spit her!
Stop chasing hinkypunks like that. They will never come to you, yet they are truly undeserving you…
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